Embracing Discomfort & Writing Your Own Story with Jessica Smith Dos Santos

Welcome to our podcast featuring special guest Jessica Smith Dos Santos, a life coach who will challenge you to think differently about the choices you make in your life.

In this episode, Jessica discusses the idea of making decisions and the importance of being willing to embrace discomfort in order to achieve your goals. She poses thought-provoking questions such as, "What are the things in your life that you are sick and tired of?" and "How willing are you to be uncomfortable?" Jessica encourages listeners to reflect on their own lives and to consider whether they are truly ready to let go of old patterns and habits that no longer serve them.

Through her own personal experiences, 17 years of nursing, and insights gained from working with clients, Jessica highlights the fact that deciding to make a change means giving death to all other options. She reminds us that life is not going to get easier or more comfortable, and that we must be emotionally prepared to cope with the discomfort that comes with growth and change. Ultimately, she challenges us to ask ourselves, "Am I willing to be uncomfortable in order to create a new and better story for my life?"

Tune in to this inspiring conversation to gain new perspectives and motivation to make the changes you want in your life.

Links from today's episode:
Jessica's Facebook
Dr. Anderson Conscience Leadership Forum

About Jessica Smith Dos Santos:
Jessica Smith Dos Santos is a high-level business mentor who helps health coaches to successfully grow and scale their coaching businesses. Unlike traditional coaching programs that teach only the basics and leave you to build your business on your own, Jessica's 1:1 apprenticeship model teaches you how to grow and scale your business while maximizing income and impact from the very beginning.

The focus of Jessica's coaching is on empowering clients in their physical, mental, and financial health by breaking the chains of poor lifestyle habits through habit retraining. Her ultimate goal is to help her clients learn the skills needed to love the lives they live.

Jessica's background is in nursing, and after 17 years of frustration with serving people within the confines of a healthcare system that only reacts to illness, she decided to retire from her nursing career. Her experience has taught her that merely helping people to live with disease is not her calling, and that she wants to make a bigger impact on people's lives.

If you're looking to take your health coaching business to the next level and maximize your impact and income, Jessica Smith Dos Santos is a mentor who can help you achieve your goals.

Tweetables:
To decide means to give death to all other options.

How will are you to uncomfortable?

What is one thing in your life you are sick and tired of?

I am no longer willing for this to be my life story.

The main sponsor of our podcast is Rx Real Estate Investment. They make everything we do possible, and our conversations and interviews would not be available without their support. If you want to diversify your retirement portfolio and get into commercial real estate investing, working with Rx Real Estate Investment may be a great match for you. Check out the website at www.rxrei.com. 

Connect with us!
Jeff Stark
Claude Condo
Newsletter

Transcript

Jeff Stark  0:57  
Hello, friends Hello family welcome to another episode of The Rx Investor Podcast! Glad to have you here. If you are not already doing it, we ask that you subscribe and follow the show. We are on every single podcast platform out there so we're easy to find. We've also got a YouTube channel, we are tossing our podcast recordings and conversations on our YouTube channel every week at Tuesday around the same time the podcast goes live. So make sure you check us out there as well. My name is Jeff Stark, your host as usual. And as always, we've got Claude Condo, my co-host What's up, Claude, how you doing man?

Claude Condo  1:37  
Good, good, excited. Looking forward to go deeper with Jessica. You know, story and experience. It's just amazing.

Jeff Stark  1:46  
So our guests today I'll do a quick intro and then just kind of want to hear from you. But our guest today is Jessica Smith Dos Santos, aka the badass love coach. She has a 17 year nursing career. But lately she is focusing on being a coach, a high level business mentor, a public speaker, a full time mom and an author of The much anticipated book. Shit, they don't tell you in nursing school. Really curious to hear a little bit more about that. Jessica, welcome to the show. How you doing?

Jessica Smith  2:21  
Hi, I am fantastic. And I am so grateful to be here. And I know that whatever this conversation ends up being today that it is going to be in service of somebody that listens to your show. So I'm grateful that you invited me today and I can't wait to dive in.

Jeff Stark  2:36  
Great. We're so excited to have you. You know, I think we were talking a little bit before we hit the record button that a lot of the people that we have on this podcast end up being doctors, nurses, dentists, pharmacists, a lot of them have been people from the healthcare space. And we've recently started people who have started masterminds their coaches. So we're we're getting a little more diverse and like the type of guests that we're bringing on. So we're really excited to hear from you and learn about what you've got going on. Can you just like introduce yourself to our audience and tell them maybe just a little bit about your story it feel free to start wherever you want. Yeah, great.

Jessica Smith  3:15  
So my name is Jessica Smith dos Santos. I'm that white girl, born as Jessica Smith on my family's ranch. Believe it or not, I'm 40 but I was born in a trailer by a midwife on my family's ranch and I'm named after my mama's horse. So Jessica Gail was both like existed before I did that I was born so I'm like my horses namesake. I guess that's where i i came from and moving throughout my life. I really feel like ranch Life helped me develop grit. It helped me embrace hard things. It helped to give me a sense of responsibility for something outside of myself. And it gave me a lot of challenge within my childhood but then allowed me to evolve into the woman that I am today. As a mom, I have two children, a 12 year old and a 14 year old my daughter is 12 My son is 14. And I feel like as a parent, that's one of the questions that I'm constantly asking is how do I provide an experience as a parent when I don't live on a ranch? Like our whole entire existence is full of technology, being sedentary use more of a thing, the opportunities for them to be independent or a little less flexible because of the way that the world works these days. So that's my constant question. If any of your viewers have any tips or tricks or hot ideas, feel free to pour them into me because continually figuring out like how do I allow my children to be challenged in this world today so that they can develop those things without large livestock and a 1500 acre ranch to build that within them. I am a retired registered nurse. I served my community for 17 years and nine of those years were as a level two Trauma Center ER nurse. So very high paced, very stressful. And throughout that experience, it led me to where I am today, the things that kind of pushed me out of nursing and into coaching, which is what I do full time now is that health, the experience of health care, wasn't what I thought it was, when I was 17 years old, like deciding on my career as a nurse, I was like, I want to help people and nurses help people. And so I got into health care. And the clarity that came to me probably about 13 years into my career was that I was designed to support people in being proactive in creating a life that they love. And I was trying to serve that heart in the medical system, which was only ever designed to react to disease. So it was a heart for one thing in a system for something else. That coupled with the fact that being a mom, I wanted time flexibility, and financial resources to be able to prioritize parenting my children. And I didn't always get that in the nursing field, we had mandatory overtime, we had shifts where there were big storms or traumas within the community where we're taking on multiple patients, and I didn't have the flexibility to leave work on time. So those two things really opened my vision for how can I I started asking the question, How can I create a different life that I am in love with, and then be the example for others to create the same? So there's the Cliff Notes version of my 40 years and where I am today?

Claude Condo  6:44  
Nice, you know, honestly, thank you for making time to come. And I'm excited to ask so many questions. You know, you ask really good questions. I have two kids as well. I've eight, nine years old, and six. And I grew up in Africa, right? Before I came to us. And it was completely different in our upbringing versus what they have here. You know, they have technologies they have. So now ask myself, like, I was born in tough times. So I'm kind of wired to face anything challenges, and I'm worried mostly about, like, how can I prepare? Or how can I let them be challenged? And it's hard, right? Because you want to protect them gonna make sure that they don't go to what you want when you're young. But at the same time, like how do I? So life is life? Right? You have to face it, you have to greet Yep. So those questions are also asked myself and my wife usually see like, what do we do? Like? What can you do to prepare our kids to really face life? Because they're going to face life eventually. So I appreciate you bringing that maybe, to this conversation, we're going to find solutions. And but I want us to take us back to that life when you used to be a nurse before you retired. Those long hours, you know, working in the ER a trauma, how do you start believing in yourself that I can retire? And then I can leave this hard place and design my life like was the first moment because most people go through that, like, I don't like this place? Don't see my kid. I don't see my husband, I don't see. And believe in yourself that I can actually do this. So if you can walk us through that?

Jessica Smith  8:27  
Yeah, that's a great question. So I think you've touched on it a little bit as like, I don't like this place, I want to see my children more. And for me, it was what I really consider kind of a rock bottom moment in my life. And it was a moment where I was 65 pounds heavier than I am now. I was so stressed out, there were some things that I did and saw as an ER nurse that I was not emotionally prepared to understand and to cope with. And that led to things like drinking too much alcohol, eating too much sugar, right, like trying to numb those things within me. And then there just came a moment where I was like, not this, not this. And it took me to a moment where I was like, I am no longer willing for this to be my life story. And that's a hard, hard moment. Like it makes me a little bit emotional. Because it's that moment where you decide that everything up to this point that has created the life that you currently are living is no longer serving you. And what that does is it immediately triggers your sympathetic nervous system, right? Like my shoulders tends to in my I wanted to throw up. And I was like, I'm talking about leaving everything I've ever known that I've worked so hard to build. And I don't want it anymore, not this and I wasn't sure what. But that moment opened the question. If I could dream a little bit about a life that I did love to live with. What could that look like? So it was a little bit of like giving death to a decision, right like to decide means to give Death to all other options. And I had decided not this, which then opened the question of okay, if not this, then what, and I am partnered with an organization called one life fully lived. They are a nonprofit organization that is on a mission to help people create a roadmap, like we talked about vision and finances and relationships and wellness as like the core four. And I got introduced to that material. And that's what made me realize that I had permission to create my own success checklist. Because up to that moment, in my life, I have been living what my teacher, my preacher, my mother, my father, society, told me that I should do in order to be successful in my life, and it was not working. And so being a student of the one life curriculum, really helped me awaken to creating a checklist of my own life. And once I got clear about the life that I did want to live, once I allowed myself to dream outside of the context of what I thought I knew, then it's like one thing after the other, like, I started learning about how to govern my finances better than I started learning about this thing called Emotional eating and how to feel my feelings in a way that was appropriate, which then opened the door to going to with my dad to an entrepreneurial like week long retreat, and it was at that retreat, but it was birthed in me like, why am I not starting a business? Why can't I? Why shouldn't I like, I've never seen myself as a business woman or having my own business. But it was that moment where I was like, hmm, I can make money, I can own my own time, I can serve people. And I can prioritize my children and my health, why am I not doing this? And then I was like, OMG, I'm starting a business. Now, it's a whole new like level of anxiety. It's not like I feel trapped, but it's like, I'm nervous sighted, like, I don't know anything about this world of business. And I'm nervous, but I'm excited to create something new. So it was really a combination of the just utter, like, I refuse for this to be the story of the rest of my life. And the question of what could that look like and allowing myself to explore and dream?

Claude Condo  12:34  
Thank you, you know, just for transparency. I do partner with one life as well. I believe in our organizations. And me and Jeff, we've been when our interview team that started this organizations, and now we just love you guys, where you guys do every day and how you change life one at a time. So I love that. But I just say the question for you. So you came out of the other side, right? You were nervous, you came out of it, you design your life, and it's been successful. But looking back, what you know now, right? What would you tell someone that going through the same thing that you're going through? I was talking to one of my employee yesterday, what would you like to do in your life do you have in five years ago, like what would you if it was up to you and you have no restriction? Just dream like a kid? Like when you're a girl, five years old? Like, if you design your life? What do you think you look like? Just tell me? Yeah. And then she's like, I don't even have a time to think about it. Right? I don't even time to dream about it. I'm like, why? I'm like, Well, you have your off weekend. What do you do on the weekends? Like, no, it's time for me to take my son to sports. And then Sunday, it's time to do Mom Stuff to cook and stuff. I'm like, I'm not speaking for her as in as permission. But just there are many, many, many women like that, that don't feel like they are so stuck in that I'm a mom, I have to go to work. I have to make ends meet. But where they can start, like coming out of that. Looking back, like, what how do you do to prevent in that cycle to eventually when you're 65? Zack, what did I do with my life? What do you say?

Jessica Smith  14:20  
Yes. So you're absolutely right that most people have lost touch with their dreamer. They don't have time and they feel so stuck and defeated that they don't even bother to dream, right? And she's the perfect example of like, I don't know, I don't have time. I don't have time to dream like I'm just surviving. So a great place to start is us humans are designed to move away from pain. So a great place to start is what are the things about your life that you are sick and tired of? Because it's very easy for us to identify the pain in our lives. If so if they can't dream start with identifying the pain. And then the question is, what's the opposite of that? If you don't want that thing, right, because I knew not this, this is too painful. And I refuse for this to continue being my story. I knew what my not this was. But I didn't know what my dream was. Right? So what is the not this? What are the things about your life that just like weigh on you that keep you awake at night that have you crying yourself to sleep in the dark that are constantly on your mind, and write all of those down. And then in the other column, just write the opposite. Whether you agree with it or not, it's the easiest way because what you don't want is often the opposite of what you do want. So it helps them leverage their pain to then shift into like, Okay, here's, here's what I might want, like, yeah, that that sounds pretty good. If I could, how would I. So leveraging that pain as a foundation to open that curiosity, just by flipping the script, what's the opposite of what I don't want, I don't want the hospital to own my time. I don't want to work 16 hour shifts, I don't want to be told when I can or cannot spend time with my children. And I don't want to keep showing up to a job that tells me to move the meat. These are humans that I care about. And I don't want to be in a system that is focused on throughput and dollars bottom line. And please don't think I'm trashing the medical system, because they know that that's not true of every experience. But the medical system has definitely shifted in the way that we care for people. First, that's probably a whole nother podcast episode. But I knew what I didn't want. And so what do I want, I want the flexibility to prioritize my children. I want to feel really good about the people that I serve. And to know that because I existed in their life, their life is better. I knew what I wanted. And then I was like, Okay, if I could, how would I? And then, you know, I got invited to but the the business thing with my dad because he owned a business. And I was like, Yeah, sure. I like to learn like, his business is probably gonna be my business someday. So yeah, why not? And that's when the universe was like, Hey, girl, you want to start a business? I didn't know I wanted the business.

Jeff Stark  17:25  
I've got a question for you a couple minutes ago, you said you got to the point in your career, maybe? And maybe it was about 13 or 14 years in? And I don't know if you said rock bottom. But you said you got to like a low point. Do you need to hit like a real low point in life to have these realizations? And to start searching for what's opposite? Or do you think there's a way to like, reach people that are on that slide down? You know, maybe they're having a weight issue, or they got let go? Or, you know, there's one thing that's kind of starting to, like chip away at their mentality and their mindset? Do you think there's a way to reach people that are starting to wrestle with those questions or get to that low point before they actually get there? Or is that low point is that kind of where you flip the script on yourself? And you really need to start asking those questions yourself, and you do.

Jessica Smith  18:23  
So I would say, for the majority of people, it is that Ouch, that rock bottom, that painful moment that stimulates them to change. Because as humans, we are biologically wired to move away from pain, we are not wired to move towards pleasure. So if we move away from pain enough that we're comfortable, like you mentioned, weight loss, right? If somebody needs to lose 100 pounds, and they've lost 45, and their knees feel a little bit better, and they're sleeping a little bit better, and they have a little bit more energy, and that becomes comfortable, they then lose the motivation to continue on. And oftentimes they repeat the cycle and they recreate the problem, right? So it's the problem solution cycle, I have a problem. I create a solution. I go back to the problem, I create a solution. I go back to the problem. So I would say for a majority of people, that's just how we're wired. Now, that does not have to be universally true. Some people in the coaching world we just say like, I can't deny them their suffering, and they're not ready to stop suffering. Like they just need to suffer more before they're going to be ready. Right? And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Everybody has their own journey. But I would say that there are a percentage of people that will get introduced to something new by listening to podcasts by coming to events by plugging into things like what you're doing, that might spark an inspired idea that they can start exploring and that inspired idea will then make their current reality real painful. because they awaken to something different, and they're like, Hold on, I don't actually like my current reality, what if, right, so that percentage is a little bit smaller. So like, I personally am on a mission, like every time I listen to a podcast, and it reminds me of a friend who's like, they're not quite done suffering yet. But it might be the thing that helps them move forward. I'll be like, Hey, girl, I was listening to this podcast, I thought of you like, I'll send it. I don't know if they'll watch it. I don't know if it will be inspired. But for me, it was the one life fully lived content. And I was exposed to that content, gosh, like, six years before, I really like hit that point and was inspired to make a difference. But I knew I knew it was there. So that seed had been planted in me and it had been slowly growing. Wow,

Jeff Stark  20:53  
you mentioned one word that I think and the word is comfortable, that I feel like that's something our culture really idolizes. And prioritizes in like messaging, and media and marketing. And it's something that I think a lot of people subliminally not probably not knowingly pick up. And once they're in that comfortable spot, it's really, really easy to stay there. And especially in our culture, where like, convenience is everything. So just being comfortable. And you know, maybe you're not sliding down towards that rock bottom. And or maybe you're not really growing or learning something new or challenging yourself in a certain way. Comfortable is like, I don't know, that was one word that you said, that really stuck out to me as being like an aha moment. And that's something that a lot of people kind of just get trapped in. And it's unfortunate.

Jessica Smith  21:46  
Absolutely. We always say that discomfort is the price of a meaningful life. And it circles back to that question, you know, Claude and I both mentioned that we had challenging childhoods, like we grew that grit, we grew that skill of becoming an overcomer. Because of our circumstances, that is not the world that we live in today. So how do we support our children in getting comfortable with being uncomfortable so that they can create, because one of the challenges is is creating, making change challenges your comfort zone, and biologically, we are wired to move away from pain, not create pleasure, if there's enough pleasure in our comfort zone. We live in our amygdala, which is the animal brain. And we like to stay comfortable in our familiar routines, and eventually, the familiar routines, the convenience, the fast food, the Netflix, like all of a sudden you wake up to your life because you've had a heart attack, and you didn't realize you were 100 pounds overweight, right like that. There's that universal wake up call. And one of the things Claude you had mentioned, like maybe we'll find some answers. For our children. One of the things that I personally do in my home is I do not do any house chores. My children clean up the dog poop, they shower, the dogs, they vacuum, they mop, they clean the bathrooms twice a week, they do their own laundry, they clean the whole kitchen every day, on the weekend, Sunday, Sunday is their rest day unless they've made the choice not to do their chores on Saturday, but they don't get to rest on Sunday. But I talked to them about the economy and fair exchange. Right? So if you want me to drive you to boxing, if you want me to take you to gymnastics, if you want me to put food in your belly, and turn the air conditioning down, then what are you doing to add value so that you earn those things? So I'm teaching them like the micro economy of our home? Like how do we add value and everyday they start off at Ground Zero? If they haven't done their chores, and their grades aren't not at least 75% or higher? Oops, sorry about Yeah, no gymnastics tonight. Oh darn. Can't drive you to boxing but I don't really feel like cooking dinner, you know where the kitchen so you have two hands. Right? So I'm teaching them that give and take and I'll tell you what, they don't like doing chores. They don't like it. It's hard. Their their homework is too heavy. It's they're too busy, right? They're falling into that like cultural trap. And I'm like, well, it's connecting to their highest values. Like how much do you love playing video games? How much do you love going to the dollar store to purchase things to create your beautiful creations? What are you willing to do to get it? How much discomfort Are you willing to put yourself through to get the life that is meaningful to you? So in I don't have all the answers but that's one of the things that I do in my households. But I know I can control without like sending them out on the streets and be like, Oh no, go pick up cans, right?

Claude Condo  24:53  
man Yeah, we cannot do the same way. We have them do their own bed and my nine years or teach my six years old and help him help out with the homework. So what are those that are the stuff that that's that's a great, great suggestion. So let's say that I'm going to mark continute, as subject of let's say that I listened to Jessica, I'm able to know where I want my vision in my life have a goal, I open a business. Now, as you know, business is a completely different beast, right? A different skill that you need to acquire. For you your story, like, how did you do to make sure that my family still number one? And everything else? You know, like, how do you make sure that I'm still keeping with why I left nursing, I didn't left nursing to be open a business to be my own employer, right? So how do I make sure that I'm not falling in that trap again, where I spent 15 hours in my business, I know making me money, but how do I build those those guardrails that will protect my life and what's important for me,

Jessica Smith  25:57  
that's a whole nother podcast, too. So I'll do my best to keep it short and simple, I would say the first thing is be really, really clear about your highest values. I was not looking to start a business, I didn't know that creating a business was my way forward. What I didn't know is that I wanted to continue having the income I needed to provide for my family. I wanted more time flexibility so that I could prioritize my children. And I wanted to feel good about the work that I was doing with people. I didn't know that that was a business. And so from that clarity, anytime an opportunity comes my way, because there's, there's a million things that can distract you like, oh, this quick fix, and that pill and that potion, and that lotion and this like, make money fast, right? There's so many opportunities and scams, if we're being honest, that what it took for me was number one, I'm very clear on those three things. So my question for you is, does this create time flexibility? Does this create the finances that I need to serve my family? And does this allow me to feel good about what I'm doing for people? And leveraging those three questions, I only say yes. To things that feed those three things. If any one of those questions is a no, it's a no. And being able to confidently prioritize in that way, is what allows you to stay in your lane. Now, that being said, there was a period of time in which I was working full time at the hospital. I was a single mom, because my that my children's father and I did divorce, I had my own mortgage, and I had refinanced my home to invest in a rental property, all while going to business school trying to launch a business, right. So there was a time period in which I didn't quite have the finances yet. I was starting to feel good about helping people. But my time with my kids was being compromised a little bit. And what that time period took was sharing my dreams with my children and letting them know what that compromise was going to create for them. I made my goals, their goals, and every time I served a new client, I congratulated them for serving one more life. Thank you for being quiet. So mom could do a coaching call, like that's one client closer to me being out of the hospital, and we celebrated together. So recruiting the people in your life that you love during that time, because I am not going to lie to you. It took me four years. From the time I decided not this to the time I set myself free. And there were a lot of times when my kids are like my mom are always on my phone. Mom, Carrie, do you both? Can we do that? And I'm like, No, we can't Yes, and we're on the phone, right? And it would be easy for me to get resentful or angry or frustrated with them. But what they were really saying to me is Mom, we miss you and we want to spend time with you. And so going back to like, Baby, what I hear you say is you miss me and you want to spend time with me. And I want that too. And I know right now it feels like a sacrifice but this is what we're working for. Is that still what you want me to go watch some more cartoons or go read another book. So that you can give me about that time right?

Claude Condo  29:31  
Is really really good because it takes between these these always the gap between your dreams and where you are like currently. And then most people we forget that dream, right? We say Man, there's so much this huge gap. I can really bridge this gap right? Now, that gap for years for you is that preparation, right? taking one class at a time until until you're able to be like okay, now I can touch that dream. Right now I can, I can smell that. So now it's time from,

Jessica Smith  30:05  
I will tell you a fully transparently, I invested $30,000 In three years into a business school, because what I thought I needed was to be taught how to run and manage a business. And it took three years, a lot of investment, a lot of time, a lot of trial and error. And completely shifting my business model and letting go of what I thought I was building for a business, and partnering with a physician led coaching company. And that made all the difference. So not only being willing to stay focused on what you want to create, and enrolling your friends and your family in that dream, but also being willing to be flexible to the form in which it shows up. And being willing to say it's been three years, I have been the model student, I haven't even served enough clients to replace my investment, like I'm still in the red over here. Or the black, whichever color means I'm not doing well. But, you know, like being flexible with the form in which it shows up. And truly, it was a difference between three years. And then switching models. And within eight months, I had matched my monthly income and out of that huge difference between models. And I have to say that with a disclaimer, right? Like it takes hard work. We can't guarantee results. Like I don't want to get anybody in trouble here. This is my personal experience. Yes. But being willing to be like, okay, that three year baby that I invested. So like, I have the website, I have the podcast, like I had all the things. And it was not getting me what I wanted, and being open and curious to like, Okay, if this isn't it, then what's next? Like just that constant dedication to saying, I'm growing this dream? Yeah, hell or high water. I'm growing this dream. And it's I retired from nursing. Almost, it'll be five years in August. And I gave my nursing license back to the state of Nevada. I only declared I'm not coming back. Well, I'm not coming back. That's crazy.

Claude Condo  32:13  
So you're, you're like, wow. So I want to say something that you just mentioned, you say that you spent three years and then you're open minded to see what's Why is not working. And then you find but to me was like, you have to take action to spend that fear to take action and keep looking and keep looking until all of the sudden something happens. But it takes you have to take action, you can just sit at home, watch Netflix, and expect something to happen, right? You have to take action, you have to take charge of your life. So that's the purpose of this podcast as well for us to interview guests like yourself, so we can show people hey, these different ways, know your story might not be my story, but the underlining is the same. We have dreams, we have a gap that we need to fill, and you need to be patient, you need to be persistent. Yep, that greet that will allow you to eventually touch and reach that dream. So I appreciate you for saying that. Yeah.

Jeff Stark  33:17  
Can I piggyback on that cloud? Yeah, so that story is pretty remarkable. And it's pretty incredible. And I feel like there's probably a lot of people that are in a similar spot that you were when you were three years in and you made that pivot. So can you talk a little bit more about that? Like, for some goals that I have? I feel like I'm in a similar spot where to you being three years in and wondering, okay, I I've done all this work, and I know other people in a similar spot, but what are you doing? What are you telling yourself? What are you looking for this? Like, what are you trying to discover? And what are you open to? When you're three years in on that journey? It's not working out for you. And then boom, there's a decision, something happens or you learn something new or you have a realization? Walk us through that a little bit deeper? If you can, I just want to know, like, your mindset and how you're and how you're walking through that tough spot.

Jessica Smith  34:17  
That's a fantastic question. So first of all, it took me finding a mentor that had what I wanted. And through being active in a Facebook group with other nurses, I was like, hey, and the nurses in here who are coaching, are you making money doing it? Like what are you up to do want to be on my podcast? Like I had a, it was a YouTube channel and it was called bouncing back from burnout. And I was looking to share stories of nurses who had been burned out and bounced back and like their path to that for other nurses. And in the course of that, I met my business associate and one of my now best friends in this life, Shelley. And she's like, Oh, I'm a nurse. Oh, you're trying to do business. Tell me more about your business. is like, Oh, here's what I'm doing. And I retired. I was like, Hold on wait, what? Like you're, you're living the life that I've been trying to create. Tell me more. So I would say first step is intentionally seek out the people that have what it is that you're looking to create, and always lead from the place of your highest values, like, remind me again, why am I putting myself through this, because I want to feel good about helping people, I want to generate the finances to support my family. And I want to have the time flexibility to prioritize being a mom. That's why I'm doing this. And then from what I'm doing, after three years is not getting me what I was looking for, I have to be willing to ask the question, What can I do differently. And that was literally the death of a three year business model. And shifting into a physician led model where instead of creating systems, I'm now leveraging systems. And the interesting part about that is, I wouldn't change that three years, ever, ever, ever. Because in the business model that I'm in, currently, there's an opportunity to serve people in health. But there's an also an opportunity to serve people in business. And what I discovered about myself is that I am a pretty badass business mentor, because of the whole three years of like begging the wall, and hence the birth of the name, I was in a church service. And the pastor talked about agape love, right? That unconditional, all accepting non judgmental, I see you, I honor you, I love you. And I was like, That is literally the most badass form of love that exists. And so that was the foundation of the business name. And it's, it's something that I have really embraced. And like, I never knew that I would love business coaching, so helping other coaches. Right. So here's the opportunity, if you want financial stability, time, flexibility and a different way to create income, I may or may not be your girl. Does that answer your question, Jeff? Oh,

Jeff Stark  37:18  
Yea! Oh, yeah. Many times over! Yeah.

Claude Condo  37:22  
Yeah, I was gonna just ask another question about coaching. How do you prepare students to be successful? Does it come from there has to be a two way street? Or is or do you go? Do you qualify as the best student for you? And what do you need to be to be prepared? For those listeners, you know, all those people that are listening to the podcast that was number one thing that differentiates a successful student to someone that's not really implementing your instructions,

Jessica Smith  37:52  
I would say the number one thing that will determine a client's success is how willing they are to be uncomfortable, because they can go through the process of determining their values of connecting emotionally to the dream that they want to create of deciding that they want a different life. But for some of them, they've lived a very easy life, and they do not have the grit that you and I were naturally given. So as a coach, I have to continually remind them like this was your dream. This is why you wanted your dream. Is that still important to you? And are you willing to pay the price of being uncomfortable, and if they're willing to be uncomfortable, that discomfort also comes with grace, because there is a grace period where they will step into discomfort, they'll take a little bit of action, they'll feel insecure, they'll feel overwhelmed, like all that head chatter comes up. And they'll snap right back into those old behaviors. And then they'll judge themselves and they'll feel shame and they'll feel guilt. And it's like, Okay, do you still want the dream? How long did you stay in that discomfort? Do you think you could add another day? Right? So it's that process of helping them build grit. And this life, the thing that if you walk away with nothing else, hear me on this, life is not going to get easier, and it is not going to get more comfortable. Your job here is to learn how to do hard and uncomfortable better. That's your job. And I have clients that will step into this and they'll do great for a little bit and then they'll be like, It's too hard. Well, I can't do it, right. Like they panic. And I just hold space. I love them. I check in with them every few months. Hey, girl, how you doing? I just want you to know I still believe I still believe for you because I'm living the life that you said you wanted and something will happen. Right? They'll get inspired or they'll hit a rock bottom. They'll be like, okay, okay, I'm ready. Or, I mean, there's a client who's done my program. This is our third time around, and she decided that she's willing to get uncomfortable. And it started because we do a free workshop every like eight to 10 weeks is called weight loss and wealth for women who want more. And we talk about weight loss not just in your physical body, but in your relationships in your bank account in your career in the way you parent in their marriage in emotionally, or spiritually, all of the areas where life can feel heavy. And we talk about wealth through the lens of the condition of wholeness, not the numbers in your bank account, but a condition of wholeness. And I'll just do a spoiler alert, the very first day, we throw out there the reason that you feel stuck, and you're not losing the weight is because of your addiction to comfort. Well, we just like hit it right out the gate. Some people leave and maneuver come back and said to her like and that was that was her switch point for her. She showed up to the free webinar like Hey, girl, you want to come to this webinar? We're like, awesome. She's like, Oh, I'm gonna go for coffee. I'm like, no kidding. You've quit free times.

Claude Condo  41:14  
Yeah, wild. Awesome. Well, I

Jeff Stark  41:17  
think we're gonna head towards wrap up here. But you mentioned this program happening every 10 weeks? Where can people go to find out more about that and find out more about you, your coaching your programs, and if somebody wants to start working with you, what's the best way for for somebody to do that and reach out to you.

Jessica Smith  41:37  
So the best way is through Facebook, that's my most active social platform, shoot me a private message. Really, the best way to find out about that is to just follow me because every time we launch a new workshop, I do advertise it on my Facebook page. And I'm terrible at email. So I'm not going to tell you so bad but really like Facebook and send me a friend request. Send me a Facebook message. I do keep up with those or comment in one of my posts. Like, Hey, girl, saw your soccer podcast would love to connect with you and learn more I do offer like a free explore assessment for anybody in my world. And my goal with those is to have you walk away with some sort of value, whether you decide that my flavor is for you or not. I want to give you some sort of value when you walk away something that you have a new realization or something you can take action on right here right now. Come to the webinar. It's a wholesale studio, can I send you guys the link to the webinar and you can like link it to this. Okay, perfect. That'd be a great way. And when you're choosing a coach, just choose Jessica Smith, dos Santos so that I know that you registered. And I think those are probably the easiest ways to get in touch. Like let's just talk I'm big on like, let's get some one on one time together. Let's dig in.

Jeff Stark  43:02  
You mentioned an assessment. Is there a way for people to just go there and take that and show that out? Or how does somebody submit that assessment to you?

Jessica Smith  43:12  
Yeah, I'll send you the link to that as well. And you can link it to this podcast episode. Okay. Yep. All right. Absolutely. That would be awesome. Yeah, I can't think of anything. Oh, maybe the book? Oh, yeah, I'll shamelessly plug the book should they don't tell you in nursing school, because you were like, whom I'm kind of curious about that. So that book is a compilation of like real life stories of things that I experienced as a nurse. And it's focused on the emotion that we feel right, like, the fear, the sadness, the anger, that accompanies our profession, that we were never taught how to navigate. It's the things that led me to eating too much sugar and drinking too much alcohol, right? Because I was numbing, because I didn't know how to process what I had seen. Nursing School doesn't prepare you to do CPR on a three year old for 45 minutes, and tell her parents that you couldn't get her back. Nothing prepares you for that. So sharing those real life stories of the things that we do and see as nurses coupled with the coaching skills and the things that I've learned to help myself heal from those is what I want my reader to walk away with, like real life stories and real life skills to navigate those big emotions. Really cool, man.

Jeff Stark  44:26  
One other question I like to ask towards the end of the podcast is most impactful book or podcast or maybe YouTube channel that you pay attention to? Or maybe it's something that you've read in the last five years that that changed your life, but I'm always kind of curious about where you go to learn something new or be challenged.

Jessica Smith  44:50  
So YouTube, Dr. Anderson's conscious leadership forum. He's the physician that created the program that I coach This forum is completely free. And in terms of learning skills, to govern yourself better to learn about your emotions to shift from reaction to creation. If all you ever did was listen to that entire playlist, you would make shifts in your life. I guarantee it. And that's completely free for everybody. So conscious leadership forum

Jeff Stark  45:21  
conscious leadership forum. Okay, Dr. Anderson conscious

Jessica Smith  45:25  
leadership forum. Yep. And I can send you a link to that as well. So you can link it to this podcast and then the book The 15 commitments of conscious leadership. So it's written by Jim Detmer, and it is written through the lens of like speaking to CEOs who are leading large corporations. But when you translate what you learn to you being the CEO and your life being the corporation like hot mazing, like there's a whole commitment on being committed to feeling your feelings, there's a whole commitment on relaxing and playing, which by the way, for me is one of my hardest commitments. Like I'm totally fine, like getting in and doing the work and like being super inaction. But I find it uncomfortable to relax and play. So like that commandment is something that I've just been studying, like, I didn't start this life to not relax and play. So how do I do more of that I've just been conditioned to go go go through like er nursing, you show up at the beginning of a 12 hour shift, you light your hair on fire, and you run around trying to put it out for 12 plus hours. So those would be my two favorite resources that I find myself going to to keep my mind right consistently

Jeff Stark  46:39  
cool. Those are two unique ones haven't heard either one of those mentions on the show yet which is amazing. So a lot that caught anything from you towards the end here.

Claude Condo  46:49  
This has been amazing. Thank you so much. We went a little bit deeper on the mindset on how do you get yourself out of you know, life and become and design your own life a better life and, and then the strategies that you use? I wish we could have more hours, but maybe we can do another another podcast where we can go a little bit deeper on each phase of your life, right? From nurse from a coaching standpoint, from a business standpoint, I mean, it'll be it'll be great just to to go a little bit deeper on each each one of your phases of life.

Jeff Stark  47:23  
Alright, everybody go check her out. She's the badass love coach Jessica Smith, dos Santos. It was amazing. Thanks for coming on the show. Appreciate it.

Jessica Smith  47:31  
Thank you. My pleasure, anytime.