Have you ever felt the sting of disappointment in a sexual encounter? Did you feel that it was up to you to make the other person feel better? Definitely tricky ground and women are often expected to play carer in this situation. We discuss the impact this can have and what can be done to reduce the impact on someones confidence both in themselves and in their sexual counterparts.
With a pinch of humor and a dose of reality, we chat about the roller-coaster ride that is the world of relationships. From the intricacies of male sexual performance and its impact on women to the tricky navigation of guilt and disappointment, we've got it all.
Think it's only about being in the mood for a good romp? Well, think again. Our candid discussion on male sexual performance might just change the way you view this topic. We shed light on how a lack of male sexual response can affect women, emphasizing that it's not always about both parties wanting to engage in sexual activity. It's about understanding the multitude of factors at play, and finding that elusive balance in caring for everyone's feelings.
We also dive headfirst into the murky waters of disappointment and guilt in relationships. Ever been the collateral damage of someone else's issues? We certainly have, and we share these personal tales with you, highlighting the importance of taking ownership of our actions.
We also talk (again) about football 🙄
H & B x
Have you ever felt the sting of disappointment in a sexual encounter? Did you feel that it was up to you to make the other person feel better? Definitely tricky ground and women are often expected to play carer in this situation. We discuss the impact this can have and what can be done to reduce the impact on someones confidence both in themselves and in their sexual counterparts.
With a pinch of humor and a dose of reality, we chat about the roller-coaster ride that is the world of relationships. From the intricacies of male sexual performance and its impact on women to the tricky navigation of guilt and disappointment, we've got it all.
Think it's only about being in the mood for a good romp? Well, think again. Our candid discussion on male sexual performance might just change the way you view this topic. We shed light on how a lack of male sexual response can affect women, emphasizing that it's not always about both parties wanting to engage in sexual activity. It's about understanding the multitude of factors at play, and finding that elusive balance in caring for everyone's feelings.
We also dive headfirst into the murky waters of disappointment and guilt in relationships. Ever been the collateral damage of someone else's issues? We certainly have, and we share these personal tales with you, highlighting the importance of taking ownership of our actions.
We also talk (again) about football 🙄
H & B x
Hello and welcome to the Poly Pocket podcast, the UK flagship podcast of polyamorism, cnn, sex parties and this shows entirely about butcher.
Speaker 2:Be fucking wonderful, then wind it.
Speaker 1:Probably the best one ever. Are we the flagship of butcher? Is that where we're going? I am the mothership, the mother of load. No, I'm not going to say. The idea has merit is just very strange. Hello, I'm Hunter, I'm your friend and I won't be saying a lot today, basically because it seems like everything that we're going to be talking about is input from butcher.
Speaker 2:So well, I would like to think that you would ask some questions, like when we did this topic in reverse? Okay, for now.
Speaker 1:So do you get to? Am I allowed to have opinions?
Speaker 2:Please tell me you've actually thought of some questions before coming into this.
Speaker 1:Of course, I have but silence is one of my kind of questions and not allowed to have opinions? No, no, keep those there where everyone can see them. No one can touch them. So shortly we will be talking about what the impact is on a woman when a man does not respond to her sexually, which is a slightly complicated topic. We'll get into that shortly. But first we have this week's episode edition, addition or poly filler, actually before that, because we now have to have these like little segments stacked appropriately.
Speaker 1:That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it's karaoke time this song is going to be butchered by butcher, it's match other day. Don't you dare, no, no.
Speaker 2:Oh, come on, no, come on how quickly.
Speaker 1:Can you do this? This is great audio by the way. Listen to a middle-aged woman look for something on her phone. It sounds great, doesn't it? Very entertaining, is everyone excited?
Speaker 2:You braced Hang on what the hell I can't do in the YouTube video. Oh no, come on.
Speaker 1:You are totally screwing the segment. All right, I'm meeting that. Please stop it. Please stop it. Please stop it. I should keep it on oh God.
Speaker 2:So, yes, a seven-nil win. Turn it off.
Speaker 1:We'll have to pay a license fee.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's true Shit. That's why I kept talking over it.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, there's a handbook for this.
Speaker 2:I read the rules, oh okay, we'll have to say that bit out. No, we can do that, okay, because.
Speaker 1:I talked over it.
Speaker 2:Oh, excellent. I read the rule book and I know what I'm doing. I am not a complete amateur. I am a complete amateur.
Speaker 1:Right, so apparently you're playing Tiddlywings.
Speaker 2:No, so we're playing football. So we were in a cup game at the weekend Against the Div1 team. Against the Div1 teams, that's two whole divisions higher than our current standing.
Speaker 1:So for those who can't do maths, but you play as an active three team, Much easier way of saying it.
Speaker 2:To be fair, they are the bottom of their division and we are the top of ours, so it's probably one division in it. However, on paper we still beat a Div1 team seven-nil.
Speaker 1:Good Lord, she made sure everybody knows.
Speaker 2:I did get two assists in the match and women of the match and women of the match which I shared with another player because she got her first ever hat trick. Talking to sharing to the player Shut up, she's really cute. Don't even go down that road, not because of me, because someone else will kick your ass.
Speaker 1:No, it's fine.
Speaker 2:They'll be grateful. I'm not sure His part will be grateful.
Speaker 1:I'm doing everyone a favour here. Most of myself.
Speaker 2:Say good of you. No, no Kara well done, thank you Cool. Can we move on with the rest of the show? I'd just like to remind everybody that I play right back, so to assist is actually quite a big deal.
Speaker 1:For those who know and for the subset of you who care. Yes, oh my no Right. Moving on, moving on. Yes, polyfila go.
Speaker 2:So said football match. One of my partners came to see me play.
Speaker 1:And I believe this had an impact on your performance on the day. I feel like you were massively showing off. Look how fast I can run. I think your French friends can't do this.
Speaker 2:Look how good I am at touching a ball. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, the funny thing for me is I was taking photographs and video because I'd do that for the football team, and on the video in particular, because I'd usually take stills and I was taking video, you can hear very heavily French accented voice going oh, that's great football in the background. It's not a good impression.
Speaker 2:That was what I was going to say. That is not a good impression.
Speaker 1:It's not a good impression, but it is very funny listening back Do assist.
Speaker 2:That's a great football, but bravo. I love the way he kept referring. We are first to the ball. We are doing this.
Speaker 1:He's completely part of the ladies football team, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, they seem to include him in the bar afterwards. Yeah, he had the full shebang.
Speaker 1:Look, 50% of your team know exactly who he is. So of course they're fascinated.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, and the whole keys in the ball, the half just realizes that an attractive man in the room.
Speaker 1:So but then again, half of that group is also gay, so I was going to say half of that group wouldn't even notice.
Speaker 2:But yes, the keys in the ball conversation came up Quickly, very quickly, and he played dumb to it, which is very good.
Speaker 1:It was very good. Yes, he knows how to play that game very well. He does.
Speaker 2:But yes, then you very kindly suggested that him and I got a hotel room that evening as well, because you were starting your new role today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or your new contract, and I needed a decent night's sleep, and listening to you till all night wouldn't have helped.
Speaker 2:We went to bed at half 10.
Speaker 1:You went to this is the stupidest thing. You actually went to bed before I did.
Speaker 2:Went to sleep. You probably went to bed before then, didn't you?
Speaker 1:No, I went, oh sorry, in all. First. I went to bed soon and went to sleep later.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You probably also went to bed early and went to sleep early. Yes, yes, exactly.
Speaker 2:Um, I see, yes, so thank you very much for that, because the last time we saw him was when we went to France for our family holiday, I think like three and a half months.
Speaker 1:Yeah, been a long time.
Speaker 2:It has been a long time and it's I mean I've missed him. I wrote yeah, it's amazing how much you can miss somebody, I think, and I think because we've not seen each other for such a long time our comms haven't been as regular as well, because it's that thing of well I can't get to see you and that makes me almost miss you more. Yeah, so Kind of been a bit quiet with one another. So it's just lovely to see one other.
Speaker 1:That's the reason I want you to have the time in the space, because, like, if I'm around, like there's no problem with me being there. But of course it changes the dynamic and it was the three of us together the last time we were there. So you know you deserve that time in space. Although, do you like testing the theory that the you know absence does make the heart grow fonder? Can I leave you? The kids are three and a half months. For three and a half months, well, that's how long you've seen. If you miss me as much as you miss him, let's find out, let's chase this idea out. I like it.
Speaker 2:I thought you're gonna say three and a half days and I was about to say, well, that's fair, because I've done that before. He said months. I was like what?
Speaker 1:You didn't say no.
Speaker 2:Well, as long as I can do it in reverse, in five years I think you're perfectly capable of looking after the kids on your own for three and a half months probably, am to be fair.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I'll age considerably in that time, but that's not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you'll be completely gray by the time I get back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, give silver fox a red for as many, but it that yeah. So that's kind of poly filler. It was Nice to see him. You also spent the day working from our house today, which is very insane because you got three inverted brackets. Professionals.
Speaker 2:We were completely professional as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, totally we were working yeah everyone was working, but in different rooms of the house and it was like all in conference schools.
Speaker 2:You could hear just Random French conference course taking place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was totally normal. It was good, though. Good fun, okay then. Well, that concludes our poly filler review for just everything you've been doing recently. Thanks for that. Onto this week's topic, which is what is the impact on the female when a male is unable to respond sexually? So yeah, this is kind of like the counterpoint to an episode we did is weeks ago now, isn't it?
Speaker 2:many weeks, many weeks ago.
Speaker 1:A number so high, I cannot count it where we talked about Kind of how do men feel? But you, you've had something you've wanted to kind of get off your chest really about this, haven't you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, the the reason why is because we got a really good response to that particular episode and people, people were incredibly grateful for sort of how Open and honest and raw you were about how demoralizing it can be when you can't perform sexually through penetrative sex. Yeah, let's make that very clear very much.
Speaker 2:That's the distinction and the expectations behind it and, like I said, it got a wonderful response and people felt very seen and very validated and very heard. And I just wanted to give the alternative view on that of the impact to the woman in the situation when the man can't perform.
Speaker 1:Okay, then please give us your view. Oh, back to self into a corner there, if, if I may just sort of get the ball rolling. So, but just for anyone who hasn't listened to it or hasn't listened to that previous episode, because, like I said, was a while ago, you kind of summarized it there. But at the end of the day, you know, if you there is that there is a few assumptions behind this, which is Both people want it to happen. You know you're there for a reason, so let's have that as like a baseline. There are some other edge cases, but it's start there, which is both people there, both you'll want it and it doesn't happen. Yeah, and you know I was thinking about my parent hat on for a second. There's which is, you know, in my case, from the man's point of view, it's you know I'm not angry and disappointed and and not being able to perform is a disappointment and it is, it feels very reflective on the man's character. But from the female, what's the impact on you if that happens?
Speaker 2:So I think women are Trained and says me putting my somewhat feminist hat on here, I think you've earned it, thank you Are trained to worry about everybody else's feelings before their own. So therefore, in the situation she automatically Goes into the it's okay, don't worry. And looking after the man in the situation when actually there needs to be balance in there of care and attention to her feelings, because ultimately a Not gonna say every woman, but a huge number of women will take it very personally.
Speaker 1:I think that's a thing. Yeah, does it? Does it? Does it depend on what's causing the let's just call it of the problem? You know, if someone's Obviously, maybe we should take out, maybe should be sorry, take out some other things to make the scenario more specific. So we're assuming this person hasn't got the usual scenarios of being tired or drunk or recently had a really big meal.
Speaker 2:So those are standard ones, but obviously we are the poly pocket podcast, so we also have to bear in mind that men May have a number of different partners. Mm-hmm and that's got to be a consideration and a factoring Into. If you're playing with multiple people, then you know what's your stamina like?
Speaker 2:What's your stamina like? Like if you're seeing one partner one night and then seeing another partner directly afterwards, yeah, you know, maybe think about how you tend to physically respond and if you're tired or worn out or whatever it may be like, okay, I Want to give that. Have a partner the best Of me. Mm-hmm. So therefore, I'm not going to book her in the night after, or Whatever it may be you get into some like fairly real Prioritization decisions that I don't you.
Speaker 1:It's kind of tricky to do because you know time is not a flat circle. Time is not a flat circle. Time is the dimension of space and time.
Speaker 2:Well, time space is actually four dimensional hypercube.
Speaker 1:Of course it is in possibly a seven or eleven dimensional space, but that's a different podcast. So, wow, let's talk about economics. No, let's not. So, like Cricky, I'm going back a while now, but there was definitely a time when we had a girlfriend and if I I saw her, it would be like a couple of days later before we could like properly enjoy each other. Well, and usually if I knew I was going to see her, I would kind of make sure we didn't do anything for 20 hours beforehand because I wanted to, you know, enjoy my time with that person which is very difficult because of the way that that situation was sort of playing out.
Speaker 2:We needed to connect physically, whereas, you know, we had a recent situation where you were snuggling up to me the night before you were going off to see Lady V. Yeah, and I said I'd love to, but I'm in the mood that if you start, I want you to finish. Yeah. And that's not fair on her.
Speaker 1:And the voice of reason meant we went to sleep.
Speaker 2:We did, but it's frustrated, but I think, having been on the receiving end of this, she doesn't get a huge amount of your time.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:And she does so much in order to care for us both and look out for us both. I am not going to be that bitch that takes away her enjoyment.
Speaker 1:No, you can be the other bitch who denies me, but with really good intentions, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. I'm okay with that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was the right outcome. But going back to your point, which was all the focus on, if men can't perform, boo-hoo men, let's have your cuddle, don't worry, we'll take care of you, and you get the feeling from what you were saying earlier on, though, is you'd like to see that be a little bit, even either more balanced, so that the impact on the female partner, or just anybody else, is even handed. Yeah, so is it.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think, in your experience, and relatively recent experience as well like, hmm, how to put it? In the past few months, you've well, let's just say this year there's been a string of disconnected events where you've not been satisfied, because that makes me sound like a right cow. It's all neg on you, isn't it?
Speaker 2:No, Maybe I shouldn't have opened this particular kind of worms.
Speaker 1:Hey, you started it so but you know, you had a few encounters which hasn't led to sex Penetrative man on woman, sex, where the other person was there with good intent, wasn't drunk, wasn't tired and somehow couldn't perform, and you didn't feel like the way it got handled was very respectful of your feelings, because you came off the back. I'm putting words in your mouth, but obviously we've talked about it a lot. The impact on you, though, is that you felt very low, and particularly that you somehow, very suddenly, overnight, become not appealing to men, which I'm biased, I get that. It's not true. I just think that there is Well, regardless of how they got there, it doesn't really matter. What you're saying is how they handled the situation was bad, whatever the reasons for it, even if the person is drunk, is tired, has a big meal, has seen someone the night before, whatever. Ultimately, what you're getting at is there's going to be better ways of handling it than going Shit, sorry. Better luck next time.
Speaker 2:And this is a very. I get that this is difficult for men, because if you call it out that it might be a problem, well, if you're calling it out that it might be a problem, then I think there's potentially a bigger problem.
Speaker 1:I'm going to say there might be a problem. Probably because there's a problem.
Speaker 2:And therefore that probably needs to be addressed in some way, and I think there's ways and means in which to handle that before dragging somebody else's confidence down with you.
Speaker 1:Look at that. Alternatively, choose your trouser opening mechanism with more care.
Speaker 2:I mean crying yourself to sleep with laughter. Mid-orgie is quite a feat, but hey, there's people out there that manage it, and you know, who you are. You only get ribbed about it once every two weeks on average.
Speaker 1:That's just on the podcast, On the WhatsApp group. It's every few days, oh classic.
Speaker 2:But yeah, so, yeah, it is a difficult one, I get that, but I think, within this playground, we all have to be very conscious about the impacts of what one action can do downstream. So you might think, well, as a man, it's just me and it's my problem and therefore it's all about you Not realizing that actually, that may have been a situation that's happened several times already and you're the straw that's broken, the camel's back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, women have feelings too.
Speaker 2:And that's the thing Again, putting my feminist hat on here women are very much trained to worry about how men perceive them and to not speak up and to because otherwise you're too difficult, you're too awkward, you're too full on, you're too out there, and therefore we tend to harbor these feelings of I'm not good enough or I shouldn't say that in case it doesn't progress me or in case they start bitching about me in the community or whatever, when actually it's like you know you're not going around saying names, but it's like I've been experiencing this and it's making me feel really low and I'm like how do I handle it? Well, I can't go and speak to my vanilla friends about it, because I'll just be like well, just don't shag other men, that's the answer.
Speaker 2:Then you can't get hurt in the first place.
Speaker 1:I can't really feel the logic to be fair. I mean, there is not really why we're here, though, folks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or you, you know you speak to your non-fanila friends but it's like, but then they somewhat have a stake in that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you end up with a very like warped conversation, because, let's face it, if they're on your side, they're going to get the problems, not you, it's them. And if you talk to anyone else, it's well, they just don't know. Because I think it always comes down to fairly. We did a long, a long chat about this last night, didn't we? In preparation for this episode.
Speaker 1:We actually did some prep folks, but there's lots of different stories that pan out and I think it kind of boils down to but because I had a really concise version of this, I know what I'm saying. It's about to sort of backtrack slightly and go people who think they know what they're after but actually don't. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And and they sort of like push themselves the point of failure, basically without acknowledging the fact that they knew it was going to fail in the first place, and they're not being honest with themselves, probably because they don't really want to be there in the first place. I don't think anyone's going to be like really unhappy if they found themselves in bed with butcher and butchers like, yes, I'd like to have sex with you. So you know what's making, what's turning someone off from that scenario situation.
Speaker 2:I'd love to know, because I and please anybody who has feedback for me, tell me exactly what it is.
Speaker 1:Butcher is not your type, and it's still a postcard.
Speaker 2:Um, I've had this in a series of couple swaps really. But I mean, it's kind of obvious really that it's the couple swaps situation, but it isn't a one off event where the man either struggles or just can't I hate this word but perform Ta-da, Ta-da.
Speaker 1:Like they can get going so they can perform for their partner.
Speaker 2:Um, sorry, I was going to say they can do the oral sex side of things and the play etc. But when I go to reciprocate I don't get a response or it takes a long time to get a response.
Speaker 1:That's extremely demoralizing whilst I'm watching their wife or girlfriend jump around on your cock for or yeah, yeah, basically, for which I feel like I do need to apologize for not really being aware of what's going on, because I'm over there having a good time and I don't know what's going on because I just assume everything's fine until someone says something.
Speaker 1:How do you know? And you find out months later in a podcast. But I think the mechanics of sorry, this is not an excuse, it's more of an explanation but the mechanics of sex for a man are probably a bit more complicated than women, because you have to, you know, be hard and be very, um, in the moment, concentrating on the, on, the, on the idea of you're having sex. You're not thinking about, you're thinking of whatever it is that turns you on and you're not distracted by anything that doesn't turn you on. And if your brain and I've had this in the past, I'm kind of over it now, but I used to my brain warmed all over the place and I realized it's like, oh no, I need to like, effectively meditate on the exercise of having sex or having sex, otherwise I'm not having sex, I am thinking about work or pun my training, rent or, you know again, insurance, butterflies, whatever, soon, you know, total boner killer.
Speaker 1:And I imagine for some of these people they haven't gone through that thought process Thing. The problem is with them, which it kind of is, but it's manageable. There's things you can do about it. But also my personal view I don't know what you think It'd be interesting to find out in a second is the they are so their thoughts are taken over by what's happening to their partner, not what's happening to them and you. So they see their partner having a good time and they're thinking about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and for a lot of people who don't, who are not in the lifestyle and we talk about people who in the lifestyle to some degree, but for those who aren't, especially, you know, classic toxic male view of world, view of the world, who don't like the idea of their partner being with someone else, very either, somewhere between distracting and distressing. If they still haven't quite shaken all that off and that can take time then then I imagine there's a bit of that which is they are not thinking about you, they're thinking about their partner and that's getting in the way of their enjoyment, which is then getting away with your enjoyment. And then the tough thing is is like you want them to take care of you. That's fine. Should they manage it better? And if so, how should they apologize? If so, what's the right thing to say? Should they know better in advance? How do you know until it happens? I get.
Speaker 2:There is a marathon problem in that that you don't know until you try. So there is an element here of being this lifestyle, of being the fallout of other people's marathon problem and I'm sure we've done it to, others Must have done, we must have done. But it's that awareness piece, isn't it? A lot of people and this is what I'm trying, I am personally trying to be as aware as possible and we've had things happen this year that I've had to go. Should I back down on that? Should I feel obligated or should I take some sort of blame? That's a strong word, but part to play in that particular scenario and there's been a few where I've gone.
Speaker 1:No, no, I know the. I can think of two.
Speaker 1:I can think of two in particular, maybe three, where I don't think you have any accountability in what happened. This sounds like a weird thing. You tried your hardest and it didn't work and it wasn't your fault. So those are fine, I think. That's like. I feel like the other person should have Probably being a bit more honest with themselves and either shouldn't have been there, I think, even if they set expectations in advance. Well, in one case they did, which is fine. So you know it's I do. We talked about this last night. It's like I don't know what the right way of handling this is in a way that you'd find acceptable, and I'll give you a different scenario just to test the thought process. And this is a different common problem with men. Okay.
Speaker 1:Which is coming too quickly.
Speaker 2:Weirdly, that's not something I've really experienced in this.
Speaker 1:This is fine I am mostly thinking about a teenage version of me and the amount of ribbing one of my mates got for doing this, because, like he had a reputation for being three thrusts and he was done Wasn't me. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think I do Really yeah.
Speaker 1:It's terrible for it.
Speaker 2:Sorry folks why he had so many women.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, cause he could like just do two or three at a night. Sorry, there's some hand gesture going on between the microphones Folks, apologies, but there's like this, almost a Guys will get this. There's almost like a little like shorthand joke. That's never happened before. I'm so sorry. It's all feigned apologies. That's kind of a similar sort of thing, which is the female is disappointed, the man apologizes and everyone thinks it's a bit of a joke. What we've got here is the woman is disappointed, the man apologizes or doesn't handle it well, and everyone thinks it's a joke. What you're saying, though, quite rightly, is it's not a joke, you are disappointed. You expected more of the situation. Does that mean you're right for feeling bad, or you're wrong because you're making the person feel guilty?
Speaker 2:I think that what I'm really trying to get out of this is that, because we've had people say to us before you know you really need to call out on your podcast, you know, and this is how we came to do that particular episode is the impact to men when they experienced this. Yeah, and I totally agree, it must be horrendous, it must be demoralizing, but there is someone else in the room with you that is also going through the same experience, but in a different way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's not. It's going to clarify it's not horrendous. No one's dying, so it's just, but it might be horrendous.
Speaker 2:Maybe for them it might be, and for me, when it happened three or four times on the bounce, it was starting to get a bit horrendous. At one point I was like this is like really not what it's all cracked up to be. I'm taking time out, away from my family and friends, and I'm disappointed driving you know hours to go and see people to then basically be made to feel like I'm not good enough. Cool, what. What are we doing this for? Oh, and also have you. You know best will in the world.
Speaker 1:Having a great time.
Speaker 2:Having a great time and I'm just there sort of playing I don't know therapist almost. Yeah, that's not cool.
Speaker 1:It's ultimately like you should be taking care of it should be. You know you're the well you need the person. To both victims of this, the problem is, is that you're not the cause of it, you're the. I don't like this.
Speaker 1:But but um, you're always like the cult that this sounds terrible in terms of language. I don't apologize because it sounds damning, but you, you're almost like, just like the collateral damage of someone else's problem. You're not the problem, it's not. This is the funny thing is, almost certainly it's not even about you. It just feels like it is. So you'll feel shit and actually it's nothing to do with you. You could be anybody. It's not that they're reciprocating. They are not focusing on you, they're focusing on themselves or their part?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I mean.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure reciprocating no, it's not.
Speaker 2:But you're turning up for the other people in the room.
Speaker 1:Yes, and they are turning up for themselves or their partner in this particular use case. I imagine it's that. So there you go, we've got there in the end. The educational thing is, if you're having sex with someone, think about that person or the thing else, and don't think about insurance or butterflies or what you're but then.
Speaker 1:All the feedback we got was around that. So I think that's it. It's basically, if you think about the person you're having sex with, you're then having sex with the person. If that doesn't work, at least you can't say they're not trying and that's almost enough. But if someone's there but doesn't want to be there or there, but they turned up or there and they're distracted, or there thinking about the other partner, or there and they're thinking about in a sex party, does their part of their bum look or something you know just if they're distracted by something else, it's disrespectful to the person you're having sex with. So that's probably where the focus should be. And if you could put the focus on the person you're having sex with, all the other problems kind of fall away, including you would not feel you might still be disappointed, but you wouldn't feel disrespected by the process. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Not that it's a process, but you know what?
Speaker 2:I mean the experience. Thank, you. Yeah, that there you go.
Speaker 1:You seem very unsatisfied with this as a conclusion.
Speaker 2:No, I think it's just bringing up a lot of hurt. But I think, you know, yeah, yeah, I don't know, it's just made me think a lot about what's happened over the past year or so.
Speaker 1:If my theory there is correct, by the way, like if you're a, particularly if you were a guy thinking about this, it may be quite natural to feel guilty about having sex with someone who's not your partner and thinking about your partner because you feel like, well, I should be worried about them. That makes loads of sense.
Speaker 1:I get that I think I don't know if I could say my success that sounds really terrible word for it is because you and I communicate so freely we and openly, because we're kind of prepared to take some risks, or should I say more accurately, fuck it, but then course correct afterwards, which we usually do. It means that I don't feel guilty about having fun at that point in time because otherwise I would end up becoming a self introspective, nervous wreck worrying about whether you're having a good time. This sounds very callous. I'm not sure you're going to like this. I am happy to create the circumstance of you to have fun, but I'm not in charge of you having fun and just not apply to everyone else as well. So if you're there to have fun and someone else isn't always not prepared to take accountability for that for themselves, that's not your problem.
Speaker 2:It's also not my problem, it's their problem which is why I think it is my problem if I can't have the fun.
Speaker 1:No sure, but you're not the cause of it, you're again, you're the victim of it. So therefore it's coming back to your feeling should be taken into account there. Victim sounds so big, a little dramatic yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I said, the recipient of it yeah, I think what it's also made me think about is you know, we talk about diary management and this is something we should talk about in the future, I think.
Speaker 1:Oh, please Lid.
Speaker 2:We've talked about diary management and you know what. We kind of had a joke about it on the wax live and stuff as to what project management tools do you use and blah, blah, blah. But it's that thing of like I touched on earlier of if someone's seeing multiple people and this might genuinely have an impact on a male.
Speaker 1:If you're a guy, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2:And how you kind of make space for one another, which should be an interesting I think would be an interesting insight. What do you?
Speaker 1:think yeah, Worth further trash. I do think we're done with this topic because you we need to wrap this up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know if I've drawn any particular conclusion and I expect I've probably upset several. You know however many thousands of men out there that makes it sound like thousands of men are listening. Well, I know, I've read the stats.
Speaker 1:Hello, definitely hundreds Could be thousands Could be the quiet ones who don't say anything. Yeah, true.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I think it's more just a.
Speaker 1:Maybe we should post a picture of you from the neck down and just see what kind of response you get on the Instagram chat. I've done that before, that's true. Yeah. We need more Instagram followers so they can like do some proper stats on a poll. More bar charts, right. We do need to wrap this up. Yeah, we do. We will do a round two on this, because it's not done yet. I think you need some thinking time though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's brought up some stuff that needs to be considered. Okay, sorry everybody, I feel like I'm bringing the side down.
Speaker 1:Not every episode can be absolutely rock and roll Wall to wall laughs, can it? In the meantime, I'm going to wrap this up Keep us your protection and an adequate amount of respect for people in the room with you in your pocket. Bye, bye, bye, bye.