Vonne Solis 0:00
Welcome to another Grief Talk Coffee Chat episode. I'm your host, Vonne Solis.
Vonne Solis 0:12
Welcome to this Divine Healing coaching episode. Today I'm going to be giving you a tutorial on Principle Two of the five Divine Healing principles that are in my book, Divine Healing, Transforming Pain Into Personal Power. That were channelled to me by the angels and my daughter, Janaya, after she took her life in July 2005, at the age of 22. And as I wrote my book, Divine Healing over a five year period. You'll also be getting a quick introduction to Principles Three, Four and Five to help support the teachings of Principle Two in this episode.
Vonne Solis 0:45
As part of my mission on this planet is to help others understand suffering, and their choice to end all suffering. Basically. I stand by these five principles that I have been applying to my own healing journey since 2005. And in greater depth as I have come to understand them better over the years. Essentially, the principles ask us in their Divineness, to embrace all of who we are in this incarnation and all of our experiences. Understanding that at the core of everything, we are indeed, perfection.
Vonne Solis 1:18
By embracing them in your life, on your own healing journey, or even just remembering them in your mind, your healing can be impacted and magnified than anything else I have ever experienced, in my own attempts at finding many, many ways to heal from the tragic loss of my daughter. So sit back, and enjoy the unique messaging of the Divine Healing principles to embark on your own healing journey as you feel ready.
Vonne Solis 1:49
Principle Two is "Embrace Pain as a Tool for Change". And that may sound kind of ambiguous, and it might even sound counterintuitive. But that's what the angels showed me. That's what my daughter came to me showing me. If I could only embrace everything I was feeling and acknowledge it for however many years I needed and wanted to be in that place of suffering. And I was suffering people. Suffering. Just knowing that helped me understand what I wanted to choose, when maybe one day I didn't want to feel so much pain.
Vonne Solis 2:30
The tools to use to start looking at pain, as the tool itself, to change. To transform, is to think about what's preventing you from wanting to heal, if in fact, you're resistant to it at any level. On the flip side of that, what is actually motivating you to heal. And the third thing is, in what way, your bereavement. Not the loss per se, but your bereavement can be empowering for you on a deeply personal level. Those are three things that are very, very, you know, intertwined with really understanding the pain.
Vonne Solis 3:21
The other piece to this is understanding, spiritual philosophy teaches that all suffering is an illusion. And Buddhism teaches that and many other religions have something in common with religion and suffering. But I offer that the difference is in where the responsibility lies for the suffering. And many people blame God. Many people blame other people for what's happened to them. Again, in the spiritual realm this is our incarnation. This is what we've created. And it gives us often years to understand why we created it.
Vonne Solis 4:03
Looking back at childhood, maybe some of the experiences you've had if you came from dysfunction. But if you actually get an opportunity to look back and you take time and go on a deeply, you know, introspective inner journey. And kind of tie life experiences you had from as far back as you can remember and anything that might tie you to your suicide experience or other major losses you've had or a theme that's running through your life today, it will be there to discover. And that in and of itself through the pain that you have embraced that is where the power comes from. That is where the pain can be used as the tool.
Vonne Solis 4:43
In doing this healing, I will just say, means letting go of all that ties us to our suffering. And it can take quite a while to decide if you are ready to let it go what it's going to cost you. Because healing costs us something, okay? It means letting go of the ties we've had to what has in some cases felt very comfortable. Some people love to suffer. Some people don't want to suffer, but believe they have to suffer. And some people just don't know how to end the pain. Which is why they go on a journey and try all sorts of different things.
Vonne Solis 5:24
But when we have that switch click within us and just kind of go, I don't want to do this. For me, it was immediate after Janaya died. Because I didn't want her experience of suicide to be marred by my suffering. Meaning it was wrong for her to take her life. It was just wrong, wrong wrong. And she was this and she was that and like all the blame that, culturally, certainly years ago was put on people who took their lives. And today, there's still some of that going on religiously, and so on. It's a sin and all these other things.
Vonne Solis 6:01
You know, so I'm not advocating suicide. What I'm talking about is I had to reach a point where one, I couldn't change her decision. Two, I had to respect what she chose for herself, even though I didn't like it. And three, I did not want to let her choice. Her choice. As much as I love my girl ruin my life. I just could not let that happen. Because it is true in the afterlife our loved ones want us to be happy. And I've had many, many, many, many visits from the afterlife. Other people channel my girl and other my parents. And different. I've had my own mediumship experiences I do for other people. None of them in the afterlife, if you believe in the afterlife, want us to suffer.
Vonne Solis 6:45
So making her experience. Her story, not my story became critical for me the more the years passed on. Because I was not able to be present for my son, who's now 31, almost 32. And I couldn't rob him and I couldn't rob my husband. And I didn't want to rob my sister. Very small family I have. They became very important for me. So for many years, I kind of focused on healing for others, which is A-Okay. But only recently I'm healing for me. You deserve a good life. You deserve to be happy. Do I want to be sad?
Vonne Solis 7:25
Our pain carries over to our loved ones. And it blocks us like absolutely like barrier, you know of pain. We we're just not ready and don't want to let other people and old and sometimes goodness in. And I met a lot of people in my early Greece, that absolutely bereaved parents that did not did not feel they deserved anything good in their life. No spa treatments, no nothing, nothing that made them feel good. And some actually were Oh, I don't know, 15, 18 years into their bereavement at that point. And that was also another really motivating factor for me to go, man, I can't do this. Like I'm in this incarnation. I am not ruining it forever. I might ruin it for however many years. And when I say ruin it, I just mean suffer for me, right? But there is going to come a point when I am not going to choose that anymore. So I gave myself and continue to give myself grace and a huge leeway into when change occurs for me because I'm still going through my changes, and how I want that to occur. And I only do things when I'm ready. And I feel authentically and genuinely, yes, yes, yes, yes. And you know, to whatever it is that's good and positive and fulfilling and joyful, and all of those wonderful things, which is what I really want for my life. Thinking about what's preventing you from healing, thinking about what's motivating you to want to heal. And in what way can you think of your bereavement as empowering to you?
Vonne Solis 7:24
You know, so I'm not advocating suicide. What I'm talking about is I had to reach a point where one, I couldn't change her decision. Two, I had to respect what she chose for herself, even though I didn't like it. And three, I did not want to let her choice. Her choice s much as I love my girl ruin my life. I just could not let that happen. Because it is true in the afterlife. Our loved ones want us to be happy. And I've had many, many, many, many visits from the afterlife, other people channel my girl and other my parents and indifferent now I've had my own mediumship experiences I do for other people. None of them in the afterlife, if you believe in the afterlife, want us to suffer.
Vonne Solis 7:24
So making her experience her story, not my story became critical for me, the more the years passed on, because I was not able to be present for my son, who's now 31, almost 32. And I couldn't rob him and I couldn't rob my husband. And I didn't want to rob my sister very small family I have, they became very important for me. So for many years, I kind of focused on healing for others, which is A-Okay. But only recently I'm healing for me. You deserve a good life. You deserve to be happy. Do I want to be sad?
Vonne Solis 7:27
Our pain carries over to our loved ones. And it blocks us like absolutely like barrier, you know of pain. We we're just not ready and don't want to let other people and and sometimes goodness in. And I met a lot of people in my early grief, that absolutely, bereaved parents, that did not did not feel they deserved anything good in their life. No spa treatments. No nothing. Nothing that made them feel good. And some actually were Oh, I don't know, 15, 18 years into their bereavement at that point. And that was also another really motivating factor for me to go, man, I can't do this. Like I'm in this incarnation. I am not ruining it forever. I might ruin it for however many years. And when I say ruin it, I just mean suffer for me, right? But there is going to come a point when I am not going to choose that anymore.
Vonne Solis 8:20
So I gave myself and continue to give myself grace and a huge leeway into when change occurs for me because I'm still going through my changes and how I want that to occur. And I only do things when I'm ready and I feel authentically and genuinely, yes! Yes, yes, yes. And you know, to whatever it is that's good and positive and fulfilling and joyful. And all of those wonderful things, which is what I really want for my life.
Vonne Solis 8:51
Thinking about what's preventing you from healing. Thinking about what's motivating you to want to heal. And in what way can you think of your bereavement as empowering to you? What I mean by healing. When I say healing, I'm not like, Hey, I'm healed. No. No. It could be getting out of bed. Okay? I absolutely am very, very clear in all of the work I do. Anything that can make you feel just a tiny, tiny bit better today as healing. That's how I define healing.
Vonne Solis 9:35
So I want to be very clear. I am not sitting here and going, Yep, got it. No. This is just to listen. This is my life's work. This is not something that's happened overnight. This is what I've chosen to come to do, and share with other people. But I also have work just limited to the physical in my last book I did. Just lessons I've learned in suicide. Addressing the hard core physical pain. And I've learned as sort of an osmosis to kind of allow the physical and the spiritual to blend together. And that's where I'm at. So I don't want anyone to think this has been an easy journey. I'm just offering a pathway more than anything.
Vonne Solis 9:35
So I want to be very clear. I am not sitting here and going, Yep, got it. No. This is just to listen. This is my life's work. This is not something that's happened overnight. This is what I've chosen to come to do, and share with other people. But I also have work just limited to the physical in my last book I did. Just lessons I've learned in suicide. Addressing the hard core physical pain. And I've learned as sort of an osmosis to kind of allow the physical and the spiritual to blend together. And that's where I'm at.
Vonne Solis 10:23
I do just want to share with you really quickly, and you do not have to repeat this here. You might want to go back to the recording. We put the hand on heart if we want. And we say to ourselves out loud, I am perfect. I am complete. I am whole. I am an essential part of this planet, where I can uniquely contribute to the whole.
Vonne Solis 10:53
And, again, and you'll probably have to revisit this if you're interested in this. And all of these are, by the way, in my book, Divine Healing, including many, many, many, many, many more strategies, meditations and so on and so forth. But what that does is it validates us as the being we are in pain. And some of us for many, many years that really can't get the validation any other way. But through an awareness of all that we are that is much greater than this physical suffering.
Vonne Solis 11:31
So just moving quickly to Principle Three. It's to surrender to your inner truth. And basically, what I'm really talking about there is that when we surrender and give in. Just give in. This happened. At this point, we don't even need to think about the responsibility. Who cares? Maybe you want to blame the world, and it's okay to do that. It's okay to get it all out. And for however long you need to. Hate. Do whatever you need to do. I'm a big, big believer in expressing it all. Not leaving anything inside. It's just more about is this where I want to stay? That's that's the key difference. Okay? So do it all do it all. Go crazy. I did. But at a point in your grief, you might go is this where I want to stay. So it's that surrendering process.
Vonne Solis 12:23
And the takeaway from this is just basically allowing the loss to become your story. Not their story, your story. And that can be a process. But that is what is so wonderful. Is what and again, it's speaking about that empowerment is what is the bereavement left you with if anything positive? What can you do with this?
Vonne Solis 12:51
Moving on to Principle Four, we look at heal your heart to heal the mind. All of this comes from mind. But in my experience and teachings, it comes from the heart. Where if we open the heart. The gateway to spirit. And allow little tiny bits in. Little bits. Little bits in. We basically can be the vessel to receive more, and get ourselves to the point where we're living a truly authentic life for ourselves.
Vonne Solis 13:23
And Principle Five is own your perfection. And really what we're talking about in this principle is that, as we said earlier, you are perfect and complete and whole as you are even if you're suffering. And it really speaks to authenticity. Which is something that I've been working with for years and years. And my work is to really discover who we are. What the loss and our bereavement is giving to us in a uniquely defined experience. For people losing a spouse. For people losing a parent. For people losing a child. I lost my only daughter. So I do have a son and I'm grateful for that. All of these things that has shaped you know, you. Whatever. All your experience that has shaped you. And basically to understand that we are all very, very perfect at our core. And we're just asked to try and find and enjoy the journey when we can to find out what all that means to us. Remember, we are not the story of someone else's life. And we cannot, cannot control the choices other people make. Including our children to end their life.
Vonne Solis 14:42
So anyway, those go through principles three, four and five to help cement the teachings of Principle Two as shared with you in this episode. Which is to embrace pain as a tool for change as and when you feel ready to do so. Just keeping these principles in mind or actually applying them consciously to your daily practice of healing will serve you as well as they have served me over the last 19 years. To achieve the most authentic healing in my view, and in my experience that is possible after loss, tragedy or any other adversity.
Vonne Solis 15:20
For more resources, visit vonnesolis.com and/or to join my community through the newsletter or by downloading a mini growth personal journal that is available to you there. I'd love to have you as part of my my community. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. Until next time.