Ep. 86: When the Struggle Feels Endless: How to Trust Your Way Forward

In Part 8 of the Soul Sisters series, join me and my real-life sister Brenda Rachel as we delve into how we've overcome our struggles, drawing on the motivation and inspiration needed to navigate through bereavement and disability. We'll share how we found our way back to authenticity and experienced significant personal growth and healing through introspection and understanding, rather than relying on external sources as the path to fulfillment and happiness.

We'll explore how to tackle challenges with a focus on mindset transformation, using self-care, self-reflection, and positivity to find solutions to any problem. Additionally, we'll discuss how believing in your power to create your reality can guide you to authentic and peaceful living, as you let go of all struggles and embrace the life you truly desire.

Connect with Brenda:
https://www.brendarachel4angels.com/

Brenda's book "Broken Spirit, Awakened Soul, My Journey of Healing with the Angels"
https://www.amazon.com/BROKEN-SPIRIT-AWAKENED-SOUL-Journey-ebook/dp/B0CBD3QLW8/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Brenda+Rachel+Broken+Spirit&qid=1701376272&sr=8-1

Connect with Vonne:
https://vonnesolis.com/

Vonne's books:
https://vonnesolis.com/vonne-solis-books/

Living Meditations on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@livingmeditations

Coaching with Vonne:
Click on the link below to learn about my coaching services and to book a pre-coaching Zoom call if you are a serious student of life. (Limited enrollment).
https://calendly.com/vonnesolis/one-on-one-coaching-with-vonne-solis

Subscribe to the podcast! Share your favourite episodes! Connect with Vonne on LinkedIn and Facebook.

Transcript

Vonne Solis  0:08  
Welcome to the Soul Sisters series, where you'll get thought-driven inspiring topics for your soul! With Vonne Solis and Brenda Rachel.

Vonne Solis  0:29  
Okay, so welcome to another episode of Soul Sisters. We are already at Part 8! 

Brenda Rachel  0:37  
Eight. Whoa!

Vonne Solis  0:40  
We kind of got into a really long debt discussion in Part Seven. So what we were going to talk about, you know, which is struggle. And basically when you're stuck in the struggle, and you just can't see your way out of it. 

Brenda Rachel  0:55  
Mm hmm.

Vonne Solis  0:55  
And so while we talked a lot last week about stopping at the river's edge. When you do it, why you do it. All the "R's". Check that episode out, if you want to know what all those R's are. We also want to address the struggle that no matter where we are in our spiritual journey. How quote evolved, we are. Whatever. How healed we are, we still struggle.

Brenda Rachel  1:24  
Exactly.

Vonne Solis  1:25  
So, we're gonna be talking about all of that in Part eight. But for now, I just really want to welcome you. I'm Vonne. 

Brenda Rachel  1:31  
I'm Brenda.

Vonne Solis  1:32  
And together, we are the Soul Sisters. We never get tired of that. Sorry.

Vonne Solis  1:42  
Okay. So by now, you know that Brenda and I are doing this series as a legacy to each other. But also to inspire, teach what we know. And as authors, both of us are Angel Healing practitioners. And, you know, basically, on a metaphysical and spiritual journey for decades. We have also come from a lot of dysfunction. Are polar opposites in every single way. And so we decided that because we never run out of stuff to talk about together.

Brenda Rachel  2:20  
No.

Vonne Solis  2:20  
Ever. And despite our differences, we still have some similarities as all sisters do, we decided to impart our knowledge, as I said to each other as a legacy. But also to you, audience, to take what you can from the learning that we have gone through coming from dysfunction, and bereavement and disability. So on that note, let's jump right to it. 

Brenda Rachel  2:48  
Okay.

Vonne Solis  2:49  
To struggle. 

Brenda Rachel  2:51  
Okay, great.

Vonne Solis  2:52  
And, you know, we're just talking off the top of our head, obviously, like we always do. And I just, I guess I'll start with staying, you know, when I thought about struggle. You know, one of the things for me was like, how to stay motivated. Oh, God. You and I've talked about that. And basically, you know, listening to your gut, your heart, your mind. 

Vonne Solis  3:22  
Those are the things I think that I have relied on through my 18 years as a bereaved mom. So for those that don't know, I did lose my daughter Janaya. A beautiful, beautiful girl, when she was 22, to suicide in 2005. So clearly, hands down. That's been my most difficult experience. It's trumped absolutely everything else in in my life. And we talk. Brenda has comes from disability. Obviously, she comes from grief of losing her niece. But we talk in all of the previous episodes if you haven't seen them yet or only caught one or two. You know about these major disabilities. This major bereavement that did cause disability for me as well. We weave these in and out and all of the lessons that we've learned. The healing that we have experienced and what we share with others globally and you know, in some cases one to one in for example, my coaching. And you know, when we have done readings for people as Angel Healing practitioners. 

Vonne Solis  4:28  
So it never sort of sways. The lessons. The the event I should say. For me, it was a huge life event. I consider disability a huge life event as well. And you've had several of them. So we have, you know, written about all of these things in our journeys and the lessons in our respective books, which I'll have links below. I won't name them all here. They'll probably be popping up on the screen there. But you can check them out if for you they as a bereaved parent or a suicide loss survivor. In Brenda's case, the writing she does for people who are struggling with disability, feel free to check those out. Because a lot of the work we talked about here too, supports, or I should say is supported by the work we have compiled over many years, and difficult hours as writers. The laboring of it, right? Simply to help other people. So let's jump to it. So how do you think of, um well it's not really how you think of struggle because struggle is well, okay, how do you think of struggle in your life?

Brenda Rachel  4:34  
I think of struggle for me as something that is, that impairs me from how I want to live. And I'm not really conscious of being in a struggle. I'm more conscious of how I feel. Which is trapped. And like going around. I'm thinking, I'm getting an analogy in my mind now because I love the water. And I love being on the water. Being in any kind of raft. Of any kind of flotation whether it's a boat, a raft, a canoe, whatever, but it being stuck in an eddy. And so and going around and around and around and not being able to get out of it. 

Vonne Solis  6:17  
An eddy being like a current?

Brenda Rachel  6:19  
A current that

Vonne Solis  6:20  
Okay. 

Brenda Rachel  6:20  
it's, also what would go around and around and around. 

Vonne Solis  6:24  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  6:25  
In that current. And you'd have to paddle very, very hard to get out of the current. So what I'm saying or what I'm getting in my mind here is just the fact that struggle is that for me. Not, and also, I think it's very impairing to for me, because when I'm in struggle? I don't see a way out. And so that is for me the limitation right there. 

Vonne Solis  6:52  
Oh, yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  6:52  
And so I have to stop. And I have to just say, What is the worst thing that is going on for me today? Because it might, I might be struggling about a few things. Right? I could be struggling about my health. I could be struggling about finances. I could be struggling about just about anything. Pain, you know, etc. So I'll say to myself, Okay, what's the one thing I really need to deal with today? And work on that one. And then look at rather than all of them. 

Vonne Solis  7:24  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  7:24  
Okay? Because I think struggle is a compounding factor. It's, I think there's many things that create struggle. And so emotionally, physically, there's for me, it's not it's just not a one word defines all.

Vonne Solis  7:40  
No.

Brenda Rachel  7:41  
And that kind of thing.

Vonne Solis  7:41  
No, I think when we're struggling in any one area, you know? Like if it's a, I love what you say, though, first about what's the worst thing going on with me today?

Brenda Rachel  7:51  
Right now. 

Vonne Solis  7:52  
Now.

Brenda Rachel  7:52  
Right in this moment.

Vonne Solis  7:53  
Right. And so, you know, when we are presenting ourselves to you, the audience, this is who like we really are. You know, I will say this, like, I hate makeup. And so when I do my other guest episodes and stuff? You know, I'll put a little mascara on and, you know, try and make myself look really great. And you know the ring lights and all that stuff. And one of the reasons I love doing this series is because I'm just like, No. Okay, we'll do the lipstick and tiny bit of blush and that's it. So we are who we are. And so we can portray to you or at least I feel that way. This is just me authentically me. And if I could show you a picture of what I looked like after Janaya died, you would not believe it's the same person sitting here. 

Vonne Solis  8:49  
And so one of the things I wanted to really just share is that really bothered me in my first years of bereavement is and with my metaphysical and spiritual practice, at that point of 23 years, I knew the biggies that were the authors. That were the leaders. Three years after Janaya died, The Secret came out and there was a whole bunch of stuff I did through teleconferencing, and sometimes some video stuff. It wasn't Zoom back then but you know. And, in fact, I think it was all teleconferencing. So you didn't actually see the people in front of you. They just you dialed into a teleconferencing line. And what always bothered me was you never saw how they got to the top of their game. 

Vonne Solis  9:43  
And so the goal always was A jump to Z. And I could not do it! In fact, even at that point, two, three years into my, my grief, but for sure it was 2008 I remember. Maybe it was 2007 though. So let's say two or three years into my my grief as a as a mom. And my family's all dysfunctional, what was left of it, you know. There were only four of us in my immediate family. So as I blessedly had my surviving son, but he was only 13. He had his own problems and stuff. He wasn't, you know, I had to be there as much as I could for him. But in every other area, life was impacted. Every area. Think any area, it was impacted and badly. 

Vonne Solis  10:28  
So when I was naturally inclined to participate in things, that these offshoots of The Secret were producing for many of those authors, and inspirational leaders and stuff. And I'm not going to name names. A lot of them are still around today, some are not. But no one talked about the struggle. And I have always been bothered by that, as something that exists today still. Whether it's in business, personal coaching, anything. Except for I will say people who work specifically in grief, and certain types of grief, and for sure, suicide. The people that are coaching and what I found in practitioners, you know, practitioners in those areas, they don't forget where they came from, because that's the whole reason they got into it. But if you are trying to get yourself out of a struggle with more traditional models. Well, if I have more money, I'm going to be better. 

Brenda Rachel  11:31  
Yeah.

Vonne Solis  11:31  
I can move. I can get out of these four walls. I can leave my partner, you know? Um, what else would there be? But mostly, it's usually it's driven by finances. Success is usually driven by finances. So coming out of any struggle, traditionally, I think we are sort of taught well, if you have enough money, you can get yourself out of anything. So it's all external. Right. What do you think?

Brenda Rachel  11:57  
Oh, no. Because for me my struggle dealing with my physical pain. 

Vonne Solis  12:01  
Well, we're gonna get to that. 

Brenda Rachel  12:02  
Yeah. Yeah.

Vonne Solis  12:02  
But I'm just talking right now in leaders. So where people

Brenda Rachel  12:05  
Oh in leaders.

Vonne Solis  12:06  
Yeah. So when people

Brenda Rachel  12:07  
Sorry.

Vonne Solis  12:07  
Yeah, we're gonna move into this. But where people would normally gravitate to finance.

Brenda Rachel  12:09  
Yeah the financial struggle.

Vonne Solis  12:12  
I feel horrible. More money, or a bigger house or a new car is, you know, or a move across the country is going to change that, and I am going to feel better. So what do you always tell me? You take yourself wherever you go.

Brenda Rachel  12:29  
 Yeah.

Vonne Solis  12:30  
You take yourself wherever you go. You told me that many, many, many, many times. But you see what I'm trying to say, here's when we're in a struggle of any sort. Whether it is mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, they all impact other areas. So if you're struggling physical, your mental health, you could well be suicidal, for goodness sake. You could be so depressed and anxious, thinking your world is never going to change, which actually led to Brenda's suicide attempt, which we've talked about in earlier episodes, and she details in her book. But, you know, the, the, and I should just say in her book, Broken Spirit Awakened Soul and I've detailed all of my early, early, early struggles in Divine Healing, Transforming Pain Into Personal Power, because it's it's chronicles the absolute depths of despair for both of us. And what we more or less the flip side of that thought about, or at least in my case, set myself up to actually heal. Heal the worst of my grief from with a practice in that book. 

Vonne Solis  13:41  
So we know our struggle in various ways. We know the struggle. But I am saying so for most people, even today, I think we're wired to think more money solves the problems. A bigger house, a move, and I in some ways did too. I loved my home, and we were living in a log house. It wasn't that. But as the years went by, just thinking that certain external things could still come in and fix the remnants of what I was struggling with, you know? Do you know what I'm saying?

Brenda Rachel  14:18  
I'm just gonna pop in here because I'm just getting the thought now. 

Vonne Solis  14:21  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  14:22  
That see struggle to me is internal. 

Vonne Solis  14:26  
Of course.

Brenda Rachel  14:27  
Struggle isn't external. 

Vonne Solis  14:28  
Yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  14:29  
And so the driving force to to fix anything and because the struggle is internal, but it it is precipitated by external. 

Vonne Solis  14:42  
Exactly.

Brenda Rachel  14:42  
Right?

Vonne Solis  14:43  
Exactly. 

Brenda Rachel  14:43  
It comes from within. So the only place that I believe that I can fix my struggle is from something internal.

Vonne Solis  14:53  
But most people are not, we're not educated, and we're not informed about this certainly from childhood. And and unless you at some point in your life, commit to doing the deep dive inside? Yeah, you're not going to figure that out. You're going to the external sources. The coaches and whatnot that the leaders of you know, trying to fix everything externally that you can think of when one thing after another simply doesn't work. I'm thinking, you know, a new partner will do it. New friends will do it. A new hobby will do it. And whatever, whatever. But you really have to dig deep within to understand the struggle. And then I'm going to go back to what you said. What is the one thing? The worst thing or the hardest thing? I'm going to rephrase that. What is the hardest thing I'm struggling with right now? Instead of trying to get from A to Z, because the people we may be trying to learn from, or the methods we're trying to work with. Or the practice we're trying to work with, or the anything, we're outside ourselves we're trying to depend on to fix us, right? Always gives us the end result. Here's, if you do this, this and this, here's where you're going to be. Yeah, that could take years.

Brenda Rachel  16:30  
Absolutely.

Vonne Solis  16:31  
Years to understand. And part of my struggle in really getting to where I was comfortable with my let me just say, lack of speed of healing. Lack of speed of healing. Say that a few times. That was in about 2018. And I gave myself permission to one, never fully heal if that just was too big, too big an objective of mine and wanting to say a goal. Just ahh, you know, we've talked about this earlier. Earlier episodes. I'm a spiritual being. I'm healthy, whole complete, right? I should be able to get over this. I've got the skills. I've got the knowledge. I've got the tools. I should be able to nail this one. And, well, that wasn't happening. Right? And so lots of struggle in there. 

Vonne Solis  17:40  
So we both agree that the you have to understand what the struggle is. And we can only do that, so when when when you're talking about physical. So your disabilities, not too much of a struggle to understand, you know, when you had Plantar say and you couldn't walk on either of your feet. So technically, you know, you're immobile. But it's the, okay, well, I'm going to ask you. So what was it understanding the physical struggle? So what did you have to do to piece together what you needed to not stay in that struggle? 

Brenda Rachel  18:19  
Yeah, so that's when I laid on the couch and asked the angels directly what did they want me to learn from this experience? What did they want me to do with it? And like I just was laying there and these questions just came to me. I didn't sit and make out a list of what I'm going to do because I was very much in connected with the angels. And I always look for the bigger purpose. What's going on in my life?

Vonne Solis  18:49  
Ah, there you go. That yeah

Brenda Rachel  18:50  
I don't really look down

Vonne Solis  18:52  
Yeah

Brenda Rachel  18:52  
On the earth level. You know, when something is, is going on, whether it's emotional, or it's physical? For me, I know that there's, for my own personal growth, I know there's something bigger going on in my world for me to be experiencing what I've been experiencing. Because I have been through so much physically and emotionally that it just and and right at the outset, started to work with the angels.

Vonne Solis  19:24  
Yeah. So for those of you that are thinking, Yeah, well, I don't work with the angels. Fortunately for me, I was already very, very new to angels, but I was working with them. I was still being challenged a little bit by are they like real? That took a few years to kind of really get that yeah, For me, that was became a non-negotiable to even ask. But it did take a few years. So let's 

Brenda Rachel  19:57  
Finish that statement. Are they real? 

Vonne Solis  19:59  
Yes. Yeah. Angels are for real. And I've had many countless countless countless demonstrations of that in my life both in the physical and you know, in the astral and certainly in the non, non-physical way. You ask for something you get it. But, I want to really think here to help people who are not working with angels. And they are stuck in a disability. They are and maybe immobile. Maybe you've been hit with, you know, a diagnosis of a horrible illness, disease. Maybe it's terminal. And though I don't deal in any of that stuff, although I worked very shortly, for a very short period of time in palliative. You know, whatever the struggle. Maybe you just lost your job. Whatever the struggle is. Relationship split up. Anything that feels like a mountain to you, it's a mountain.

Brenda Rachel  21:06  
Oh, exactly. And I'm just, I'm just going to interject here. So when I had my fib, fibro.

Vonne Solis  21:11  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  21:12  
And went to the rheumatologist and got the diagnosis I was going to end up in a wheelchair. 

Vonne Solis  21:17  
Yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  21:17  
Right? At 40. 

Vonne Solis  21:18  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  21:19  
So I'm just saying, I wasn't in touch with the angels.

Vonne Solis  21:23  
No, I know. That's what I want, I know.

Brenda Rachel  21:25  
And so, I was just gonna say to people out there, I totally understand and respect. 

Vonne Solis  21:30  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  21:30  
Anybody that isn't in touch with angels, or believes in them or anything? I do know anything about working with the angels when I had my first, first major disability. And it was a true disability for several years, with a diagnosis, like I said, of ending up in a wheelchair at 40. And 40 to 42. And so, for me, that was the end of the world. Absolute end of the world. And so from there, I went into dire downward spiral. So my struggle took me in a downward spiral where I tried to commit suicide because I didn't want to live in a wheelchair. Nothing against anybody that does live in a wheelchair. I didn't want to do it for myself. 

Brenda Rachel  22:13  
So I'm just saying, the angels for both of us have been our blessing and God send and Saviour. And as far as saving our, our we're here, and we're doing our work. And we found our purpose work through angels et cetera. Somebody else that's in that place where they can't see anything but struggle? 

Vonne Solis  22:36  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  22:37  
So the first thing I would say to you is, what's the one thing if you, just one thing, if you could change? Have changed in your whole situation? What's one thing that could be, switch it into a positive? 

Vonne Solis  22:54  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  22:54  
Just a po, one thing. One positive thought. And so whether or not it would be like, today, I'm going to eat a good meal. Or, you know, like, all the things that you 

Vonne Solis  23:06  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  23:07  
haven't been doing for yourself

Vonne Solis  23:09  
Yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  23:10  
because of the struggle?

Vonne Solis  23:12  
 Yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  23:12  
And so because we let ourselves go when we're, I believe, when we're in a struggle, not only emotionally, but physically. Stop eating or do things, you know, like, anyway.

Vonne Solis  23:23  
Good point.

Brenda Rachel  23:24  
You know, you don't we just don't take.

Vonne Solis  23:25  
We don't respect ourselves.

Brenda Rachel  23:27  
We don't we

Vonne Solis  23:28  
And we and we don't care for ourselves because the struggle's too, too big.

Brenda Rachel  23:32  
It's too much work. It's too much work to go to the fridge, and take out something healthy or whatever. So you know, we anyway, and I'm not saying eat healthy. This is not what I'm saying.

Vonne Solis  23:44  
Well we do want people to eat healthy.

Brenda Rachel  23:46  
Well.

Vonne Solis  23:46  
I do.

Brenda Rachel  23:47  
Yeah. I don't. I don't care what people eat. As long as they're happy and they're enjoying what they're the sustenance that they're eating. But what I'm saying is, it can impair, struggle can impair us from the very simplest tasks of our cleanliness. Taking care of ourselves physically. Taking care of ourselves, like diet-wise or food-wise. Taking care of ourselves, like reading something positive or watching something positive. Because if we start, we can go down. It's very easy to get in a spiral, and continue to go down and down and down the negative staircase.

Vonne Solis  24:26  
Oh man, yeah.

Brenda Rachel  24:27  
And it's really hard when we get to the bottom and we decide. We make a decision because at some point only we and this is again because it's internal can make that decision to start going back up the stairs. Nobody else can make us take that walk.

Vonne Solis  24:42  
I know.

Brenda Rachel  24:43  
And so, you know, it's like, I just want people to know that no matter where they are, in their struggle and how impairing it is for them for their mobility, whether it's in their physical, physical body. Whether it's in their mental mind, or whatever, we are the ones that impair ourselves. Nobody else does this to us. The situation may involve other people of why we're in a struggle. But we are the ones through our thoughts in our mind that create what is actually going on in our in our world. So if we can just do take one thing that we would like to change and work on that one thing. And have it be like something, like I said, very as simple as eating something maybe that day saying, Okay, today, I'm going to really focus on eating one healthy, one healthy thing. Or thinking, I'm going to watch one really, really good show that I like to watch that brings me joy. You know, whatever.

Vonne Solis  25:52  
Yeah, I know, I was like, going, I can hear them going, you know, we impair ourself and going, No! It's my situation. It's my partner. It's the kids. It's I got fired, or I'm not being paid enough. Or it's my co-worker, or it's anybody, anybody or anything, anything, anything out there, except us. Yikes. Well, you see, both Brenda and I, we both you and I, one hundred percent take responsibility for what we're experiencing.

Brenda Rachel  26:28  
We both believe, to the bitter, to the absolute level, we create our own reality. 

Vonne Solis  26:34  
Yes.

Brenda Rachel  26:34  
Nobody else creates what our reality is in every given moment no matter what it looks like.

Vonne Solis  26:44  
And so I'm taking a pause here because I know we need to think about that for a minute. And my metaphysical and spiritual practice for 23 years allowed me to fall into that thinking right away when Janaya died. And I literally, literally, this is a really weird thing. But in the first few months, I stepped so gingerly when I walked on the ground, because it felt like the ground was shaking. And I just I couldn't trust the steps. And so I trusted no one and nothing. But I had my faith. That never left me. I never blamed God. In fact, I felt comforted that Janaya wouldn't have left if it wasn't okay for her to go home. And that comforted me. As painful as the whole experience was it comforted me. And I'll admit, it's only like 18 years plus in that I'm able to kind of become comforted by her presence for the time I had her. And I know I've met a lot of parents that said, Oh, no, no, no, they were they were so appreciative and you know, whatever of their child's existence in their life. And I was too. But I also was very pained by thinking of the 22 years I had her understanding how it ended. And that just that point of the ending, right? The physical ending was just too painful for me to revisit in a positive way. 

Vonne Solis  28:34  
So with the goal being being able to look at her picture, and smile, and say, Thank you for being such a blessing in my life. You led me to everything I do today. That's a pretty big thing to have, for me to have to do. Other people might be able to do it a lot easier with their loved one or their child gone. But for me, that in and of itself, has been a huge struggle for many, many years. 

Vonne Solis  29:00  
So I wrote down a few things that I wanted to say, while you were so wisely sharing. Brenda studied to be a minister for quite a while. For a few years right? Two or three?

Brenda Rachel  29:11  
Well on and off for two or three years I studied, but I was in, in the Science of Mind religion for quite a while.

Vonne Solis  29:21  
I know, but she would have been a great minister, and would have led a great church. But anyway, it didn't go that way. But so I wrote down things like hope, faith, light, mindset. And then I wrote gratitude. But I'm not going to focus a lot on that talking about that today. Because that is such a big thing to feel in struggle. So scratch that. I'm replacing it with joy. What you can do and bring for yourself to feel just a teeny, weeny, weeny weeny bit better. That you deserve it. Keep remembering you deserve it. But I also want to talk about acceptance because I think that's one of the biggest things wherever we're stuck in struggle. And you know, just because we're in this situation, and we've overcome one struggle, certainly does not mean that there's not another one right around the corner.

Brenda Rachel  30:07  
Exactly. As we well know. 

Vonne Solis  30:10  
Right. And so I think what I want to say about that is not to leave people hopeless. I think that being wired, and as I've I've contemplated a lot recently. Is it our disposition like that we're just naturally you know, geared, born, have it within us to choose to remain strong? Choose to remain, you know, in faith? Choose to remain, you know, positive? Choose to, you know, have the courage and the willpower and the determination, and just that guts to continue on this very difficult path that is life on the planet. And we're all hit with something, usually more than once. 

Vonne Solis  31:04  
But the more I've settled into this incarnation, and obviously, the more years I gain, the more I kind of realize that and have accepted and I realized this, you know, a little while ago, a few years ago. Like we don't even have to have any struggle. Because how we perceive the struggle makes it either a struggle, or basically just a situation we need to deal with.

Brenda Rachel  31:35  
Right. Exactly. 

Vonne Solis  31:37  
And I'm very solution-oriented in my thinking and it took me a while to really understand that but I'm a very solution-oriented person. So, me, I choose not to look at anything that may be coming down the pipe as a struggle.

Brenda Rachel  31:52  
Yeah, me too. And so I was just just thinking like when you were saying that I was going like, when was the last time that I even said I was struggling? Like I, I truly I can't

Vonne Solis  32:05  
Well, I think it was like two weeks ago when we did an episode. 

Brenda Rachel  32:08  
No.

Vonne Solis  32:09  
And you said that, I can't remember what the actual words were but you were saying things might, we could have been talking with anxiousness. I don't know. But you're right. You, neither of us are sitting there talking anymore and going oh, I'm struggling. But we both admit to having anxiety. 

Brenda Rachel  32:26  
Well, no, I'm not

Vonne Solis  32:26  
and managing that. And that's not a struggle.

Brenda Rachel  32:29  
And I feel too, I mean, my definition of struggle because I have really struggled a lot in my life. 

Vonne Solis  32:37  
Yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  32:38  
Is I don't even think that's in my vocabulary. I would say that I have situations that are very unsettling. 

Vonne Solis  32:47  
Yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  32:48  
And that I have to deal with. And 

Vonne Solis  32:51  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  32:51  
how's the best way for me to deal with them? But the word

Vonne Solis  32:54  
We don't

Brenda Rachel  32:54  
the word struggle doesn't even enter your my realm of thinking any longer. 

Vonne Solis  32:59  
Yeah. Like we never phone each other and I don't even know if I did. Did I ever phone you and go I'm really struggling. I'm really struggling with this sis. Probably. 

Brenda Rachel  33:07  
Yeah, you might have. But that was like when

Vonne Solis  33:09  
Years ago. 

Brenda Rachel  33:10  
Year, years ago. Nothing recent. 

Vonne Solis  33:12  
Yeah. So the the so so what I want to say it's not like you flip a switch one day and go oh! The struggle's gone. No. It is a refining.

Brenda Rachel  33:25  
I know what I was just going to throw out

Vonne Solis  33:27  
Yeah

Brenda Rachel  33:27  
there is so my word would be challenge.

Vonne Solis  33:30  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  33:31  
A challenge.

Vonne Solis  33:31  
She probably said challenges. 

Brenda Rachel  33:33  
Yeah.

Vonne Solis  33:33  
I know. I know. I didn't say struggle. 

Brenda Rachel  33:38  
We wouldn't use that word.

Vonne Solis  33:39  
No, no no. But challenges. Right. So we still get challenged. Oh my goodness. Um, and yeah, and and you know, and

Brenda Rachel  33:52  
Well then what we'd do and then what we do do is we sit down with each other because we're each other's kind of sounding boards. 

Vonne Solis  33:59  
Yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  33:59  
And say, Okay, I'm going through this right now. And I'm just needing sort of some guidance in which way or whatever. But we turn to each other to just get some feedback. 

Vonne Solis  34:10  
Yeah. Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  34:11  
So you know.

Vonne Solis  34:12  
Even if it's just sort of as we discussed last week, stopping at the riverbank and resting. Oops, I told you two "R's". But anyway, but stopping at that riverbank and resting and maybe we are a sort of a guide or a light for each other and say you know I can sense you're you know, that maybe do do you need time out? Do you need to rethink? Do you need to rebalance? Those are all the "R's" people. Reframe. Anyway, but you know, but you're right. Like so we do not use struggle in our vocabulary, but we're not brushing over this. It took us years to eliminate 

Brenda Rachel  34:56  
Oh, yeah.

Vonne Solis  34:56  
the struggle.

Brenda Rachel  34:58  
Yeah.

Vonne Solis  34:58  
To not live in struggle.

Brenda Rachel  35:01  
Correct. 

Vonne Solis  35:01  
But what was at the root of, of the transformation. The mindset transformation. And then the physical and emotional and even maybe spiritual transformation,was this commitment we both had in our respective ways to not staying in that struggle.

Brenda Rachel  35:23  
Well, yes. And also that I am the oarsmen in, in my canoe, or my raft or whatever. And I'm the one paddling it, and I'm the only one that can direct it. So if I'm in my Eddy, and I'm floating around and round and round in the struggle, and the and the current. What's causing me to be upset. Then it becomes a self-directed evolution to change. And to get out of the struggle. So nobody else can do it ror me. I can't go read a book. And, and on page 52, it's going to tell me how to deal with this, whatever it is that I'm going through, I have to come up with the solution. And, and again, lots of times when we're bouncing things off each other, and all of that kind of stuff. But in the end, it's each individual's responsibility that they've, they have get to that place of how they're going to change this situation.

Vonne Solis  36:26  
Yeah. So you can't change other people. So if you're in a struggle with a relationship, what you can change is your perspective, about your role in that relationship. And what you're willing, and not willing to put up with from the other person, whatever kind of relationship it is. Whether you want to end it. Set boundaries, or just completely try a different approach. And you might, you know, inter interchange these over time, as you try and figure out your place in the relationship. Fact: you can apply that to any sort of struggle that you're in where you do not feel you're in control. So let's talk about that briefly. 

Brenda Rachel  37:13  
Okay. 

Vonne Solis  37:13  
So because a lot of people struggle. They blame God. And as we said earlier, at the sort of the start start of this, everything else but themselves. So if they're willing to go, you know what? Maybe I will consider that I'm the common denominator in these struggles. So, what is it I need to do to just take that first step to not blame others or blame the external situation? What is it I need to do? Do you have any thoughts on that? 

Brenda Rachel  37:51  
Well, I would say, you know, depending on if you're, like to write things down and actually look on paper, make a column of the pros and cons of the situation. Some people like to do that. And so you actually clearly see what's troubling you rather than trying to sift it through in your mind. Like, what's my brain telling me kind of thing. 

Vonne Solis  38:14  
So it would be like a struggle that you absolutely feel like you have no control over, and you can't see a way out of it. And so I love the idea of writing pros and cons, but to have pros and cons you kinda have to know what some of the solutions are to get yourself out of it. 

Brenda Rachel  38:30  
No. 

Vonne Solis  38:31  
No?

Brenda Rachel  38:31  
No, no.

Vonne Solis  38:32  
Okay, well, how do you think about actual cons of somebody

Brenda Rachel  38:35  
It'd just be it'd just be like, you're making a not a to do list, but just you're just even like, not automatic writing, but you're just the first thing that pops into your head. You know, you say, okay, at the top, you can say my struggle with whatever. And then pros list and cons list. Like the things that are for the particular circumstance that you're dealing with. The good things and the negative things. And just make your list and just write and no attachment to anything. Like don't sit there and go, Oh, gosh, I don't know if what I'm writing is right. You just write. And then at the end, you look at it and you look at your columns, and it might, it just might help you get to a more definitive place and understanding what which direction you need to go for some kind of a resolution.

Vonne Solis  39:26  
Mm. That's interesting. Because if you're looking, so if you're doing the the the, here's the struggle at the top. Struggle. And then as you say, for and against.

Brenda Rachel  39:40  
Yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  39:41  
So while you were saying that I was thinking how is a person ever going to think about you know, you know, write anything in the "my struggle is offering me something great" here because that's positive, negative. But in actual fact, while you were talking about that, struggles are often an arbiter of change and growth. And it reminds me a lot of growing pains. When you watch your kid and and some people haven't experienced growing pains but I sure did as a kid. And so what and it's true that when you're when you're going through a struggle and choosing to look at this as a, as a period of of growth and opportunity, you know? There can be pain in this. 

Brenda Rachel  40:29  
Oh absolutely.

Vonne Solis  40:31  
There can be pain in this and you can't always see the positives. 

Brenda Rachel  40:37  
Well,  also too, I'll just jump in here because struggle is we're hanging on to a negative emotion. And when we're hanging on to a negative emotion it feeds, it kind of goes in a cycle and it feeds it. And to stop the struggle, we have to have some finality. And that can be very difficult. Because it might be easier for the person to be in their struggle and be with it than want to make change. 

Vonne Solis  41:04  
Right. 

Brenda Rachel  41:04  
And so that 

Vonne Solis  41:05  
Right.

Brenda Rachel  41:06  
That in itself?

Vonne Solis  41:07  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  41:07  
Is, you know, it can be on your pros column and or cons column, not willing to change, you know?

Vonne Solis  41:14  
You see? So that's really interesting. So 

Brenda Rachel  41:17  
You have to be really honest to get to that place with yourself. You know, but I'm just saying. Say, say you were at a job, and the job wasn't wasn't working for for you and your situation. And you weren't ready to quite leave, but so you just to your pros and cons. But you were struggling.

Vonne Solis  41:34  
Well, the struggle is I need the job to pay the mortgage or my rent. 

Brenda Rachel  41:37  
Yeah. So the struggle is do I leave my job? Very simple. And make your question at the top very simple. Don't have it a really, really long winded question. Have it really short.

Vonne Solis  41:47  
Do I leave my job?

Brenda Rachel  41:48  
Do I leave my job? Pros and cons. For and against. The things that are for you staying. The things that are for you, against against you staying.

Vonne Solis  41:56  
And if the struggle is that you feel trapped, it will be, Can I leave my job? And then you start that's really great. And then you start looking at all of the pros. Which all of those things because that's going to give you a picture of who you really want to be. And the negatives might be, you know, labour market's tight. I might not get the same salary. I feel trapped. You know, whatever that long list is, too. But in each of those, so let's just bring this around to one of my favourite things to talk about. Which is there's always a solution. There's always a way. And when you trust, you can create the life you want.

Brenda Rachel  42:43  
Absolutely. And also too, this becomes your opportunity to become the master of your destiny. So nobody else is in charge. When you make your list, it's your list. And nobody, nobody is sitting there firing things at you to put on the list. It comes from within. And like I said in the beginning, it's internal. It's an internal process. It starts from within that we change without. You know?

Vonne Solis  43:12  
So I think it's fabulous. I want to just say one thing here. And, you know, when we talk a little bit here. Just here in this episode we've talked about it a little bit in other episodes. Brenda and I, we both, we you and I both really, really as I say we believe in, in being the designer of our reality. You might have to wait. But we are so proficient at it, as is my son because who's 31. I've taught him this since he was you know, basically a young teenager. And it's so much fun to watch other people create their reality and us supporting the visions that we want and sometimes don't think we can create. Now, now I don't think you and I are there anymore. We know that if it's in the consciousness, we're getting it. One one day somehow that's going to become our reality if we stay true to that desire, and that's what we really want.

Vonne Solis  44:22  
And so I just want to say you can't see it and many times I've said to Brenda, oh I wish they could see out the window here. The video doesn't allow it. But right out there is the Georgia Strait. And I wake up every single day to an ocean view that I never thought I could create when we moved to Vancouver Island in 2016. And sure enough, my husband and I, we moved into a condo but it was facing a lovely mountain but and on the waterfront but that water was right behind us. And so I knew for the two years that we lived there, right? That I really wanted to be on the other side of the condo right on the waterfront with another very beautiful water view. And Brenda and I would have many, many walks and talks. And I would say just, No, I need this, this and this to create that in my life. I was wrong. I created it in an actually less financially secure situation when I retired from my job, and I was on a disability at the time, and did end up with the ocean view that probably surpasses what I would have had downtown in the former condo. 

Vonne Solis  45:47  
And it has been such a huge lesson for me understanding that, and we'll be talking about this in the next episode, what we do want to create in our life, we must let go of that. We must trust the vision that this is what I want. Kind of like the struggle. On the flip side of that I'm going to leave this at the top of the hour here with you understanding, here's the struggle. But here's what I want, broadly. Because it will get refined, the more you train and discipline yourself to not have the struggle consciousness and do not put any in the attachment on how it's going to be delivered to you from the angels. From the Universe. From Source. From whatever you believe in. Which brings me back to that piece of having the faith that you have not only the power within you, but the deservingness as a beautiful human being. That we're here, you know. In in the other realms, there isn't one spiritual teacher, or anybody that speaks the word of God in the greater sense. Source, right? That wants us to struggle. We come here and create the struggle. And I largely think it's to learn the lessons we've set for ourselves.

Brenda Rachel  47:13  
I absolutely agree.

Vonne Solis  47:14  
And take ourselves where we're meant to go. Certainly, if we're connected to our spiritual contract. Our soul contract. Our spiritual self. These struggles really, I think are largely designed to take us where we need to go to find ourselves. Our true selves. And to what degree you are willing and able to do that, in the physical, right? In the physical in the incarnation is going to be representative by what your journey looks like.

Brenda Rachel  47:46  
Exactly.

Vonne Solis  47:47  
That continually unfolds.

Brenda Rachel  47:49  
And be willing, I'm just gonna say too, be willing to receive. Because a lot of times when we're in a very, very down, downtrodden place we're feeling less than. Not worthy. 

Vonne Solis  48:04  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  48:05  
And that we don't deserve. 

Vonne Solis  48:07  
Yeah. 

Brenda Rachel  48:08  
And so just stay open to the gifts. 

Vonne Solis  48:12  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  48:12  
As Vonne says. Not on how you're going to get them.

Vonne Solis  48:15  
Yeah.

Brenda Rachel  48:15  
But that you deserve to receive them. And it's your birthright. 

Vonne Solis  48:20  
Exactly. Beautifully put, Minister. 

Brenda Rachel  48:25  
No, but it is. 

Vonne Solis  48:25  
So I know, this is such a huge topic that we're kind of only diving into it, I feel kind of like it's so surface, and it's very individual for for all of us. 

Brenda Rachel  48:38  
And I just want to also say too. We're not, neither of us are here telling anybody how to do life.

Vonne Solis  48:44  
No.

Brenda Rachel  48:45  
Neither of us.

Vonne Solis  48:46  
No. Just telling you how we did it. 

Brenda Rachel  48:48  
Exactly.

Vonne Solis  48:48  
We're telling, we're sharing with you, how we approach life, in all its many forms, experiences and struggles to arrive at a place where we feel content, safe, secure, joyous. For me, for the most part, you probably without any, any, you know, lingering you know ways to question that joy. I'm really on a on a path to be embracing it 100%. Which involves a lot of things in the grief world. So not just, I want to feel joyful, but we're not talking about that today. But can both honestly say we do not struggle. 

Vonne Solis  49:33  
Now, I will just add a caveat to that. When I say we don't struggle, I do want to say or emphasize again, there's a difference between living with a disability and honouring that physical, mental, you know, emotional, that proves to be an ongoing struggle because it is something that you, me, Brenda, we have to manage. Brenda lives with Fibro. I'm just going to use the Fibro and stick to the physical. I live with PTSD. A very, very, these are very real disorders, disabilities that have to be managed, whatever you're living with. So we are not saying at all or, you know, trying to convince, well, I'm certainly not trying to get into myself or anybody else, that some of these struggles. Struggles? These disabilities, these limitations, these illnesses, these, you know, disorders magically go away. No.

Vonne Solis  50:32  
I'm saying for me in and what I've had to live with, and I know, well I'll let you answer that for you what you had to live with, and still live with and I mean manage. For me, it's about the managing, and still training the mind to understand the things that have threatened me. Because when you have PTSD, everything threatens you. You know, you're sort of in survival. So it's by understanding what it is we are struggling with. What we can or cannot maybe change today. Not saying about the future. How we want to manage that. 

Vonne Solis  51:09  
So I'm saying for me, what trumps everything is wanting to live a peaceful, calm, you know, harmonious, balanced life, all day, every day. Because not only do I deserve that, I want that. And I think really, when you pile it all on and I've gone back to kind of go holy crap you've been through a lot. You sure put yourself through the wringer Vonne. Emotionally with all the blame and guilt and regret and things like that. Understanding that, which took you know, about three years to kind of do that. And I chart all that in my last book, which is called Lessons in Surviving Suicide, A Letter to My Daughter, that if you are a bereaved parent of a child who has commit suicide any age, that might be a comfort to you. That was when I really dissected it, and understood, this is what I'm struggling with that's impacting my healing. All of that emotional, by the way, and choosing to honour it. Respect it. And then say, You know what? I think I'm good. I think I can make room in my life for something new. So I'm gonna leave you with that. Do you have anything else you want to add?

Brenda Rachel  52:32  
Ah no. That's a perfect, perfect

Vonne Solis  52:36  
Perfect ending? Okay. 

Vonne Solis  52:37  
I want to thank you for watching this or listening to this. And hope to see you in the next episode, Part 9. Where we're going to be talking all about our heart. What's in it. What we want to fill our lives with, and how this can guide us to our purpose, and what we're meant to do on this planet. So, see you then. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening.

Brenda Rachel  53:02  
We are the Soul Sisters!