Luna 00:00:00:02 00:00:07:14 Hey there. I just wanted to grab your attention before the episode starts to let you know that you're going to want to follow the podcast if you haven't yet. Make sure you go hit that "+" button or the follow/subscribe button wherever you are playing this podcast so that you do not miss part 2 when it drops. Because I had to split this one up due to links and tiredness and cheekiness because we were up so late answering your questions about relationships. All right, now let's get into it.
Luna 00:00:35:08 00:01:01:20 Hey there. Welcome to the Friend in Your Ear podcast. I'm your host, Lena Smith, and I will be that friend inside your ear. Well, we explore all things self-improvement. I'll share tips, motivation and positivity to help you live your best life, from health and wellness to career and relationships. I've got you covered because that's what friends are for, right? So tune in every week for a friendly chat to brighten your day. And let's stick every day a little better together, shall we, friend? And now on with the show.
Evan 00:01:14:19 00:01:29:23 We'll see you get some good drinks in there. That's the sound of a 36 ounces water bottle, folks. A little buzz marketing on.
Luna 00:01:32:19 00:01:48:20 Hey there. Welcome to this special episode of The Friend in Your Ear Pod, where I'm interviewing/featuring my husband of over ten years. Welcome to the podcast, Evan.
Evan 00:01:49:07 00:01:49:23 Hello.
Luna 00:01:50:06 00:01:58:12 And all right. We'll see what happens with this.
Luna 00:02:01:11 00:02:24:22 All right. I just thought it would be fun pre Valentine's Day to do an episode on relationships and on what the key traits of the lasting relationship are. So let's get started. So, Evan, we have married for over ten years now, together for over 12.
Evan 00:02:24:23 00:02:26:07 I like to call it a decade plus.
Luna 00:02:26:08 00:02:35:23 Yeah. What do you think has made our relationship last this long?
Evan 00:02:36:04 00:02:39:15 You tolerating me is great for it.
Luna 00:02:40:03 00:02:40:23 You tolerating me.
Luna 00:02:46:18 00:02:56:11 Tolerance everywhere. Okay, now we have to make this real. It took you a while to, like, let your weird out with me.
Evan 00:02:57:11 00:02:58:09 Let my freak flag.
Luna 00:02:58:09 00:02:58:20 Yeah.
Luna 00:02:59:06 00:02:59:13 Yeah.
Evan 00:02:59:19 00:03:00:02 Yeah.
Luna 00:03:01:07 00:03:09:06 And that made me wonder. Were you always like this and just afraid to show it, or did I influence you?
Evan 00:03:13:16 00:03:26:02 I do enjoy making everything a little bit of a joke. Like, I feel like that's an important facet of being able to enjoy life or, you know, have fun with things is like.
Luna 00:03:26:02 00:03:26:21 Being able to laugh.
Evan 00:03:27:17 00:03:41:00 Yeah. And just doing dumb things that, you know, aren't are necessary, but hopefully make somebody chuckle. Yeah. At least make me chuckle.
Luna 00:03:41:01 00:03:45:16 Yeah. So it's like, good you're married to me who accident? Only those things.
Luna 00:03:45:18 00:03:46:00 Yeah.
Luna 00:03:47:09 00:03:49:00 Like the water incident
Evan 00:03:49:00 00:04:13:19 Let me tell you a story. So here's a key thing for if you want to be in a happy relationship for a long period of time is just be nice to the other person unnecessarily once in a while. Like, just say something nice out of the blue. The other day I was at a grocery store buying, like, I'm sure, ice cream or something, and I saw flowers and I was like, I'm going to get these really?
Evan 00:04:13:22 00:04:34:15 Because I think she would like flowers. And they look nice and she looks nice, so they kind of match up. So I just bring home flowers. She loves them. I also love them. And then I don't know if it was directly after or if it's just like a little while later. I just, like, went over and kind of gave her like a half hug and I was like, Hey, I just want you to know.
Evan 00:04:35:03 00:04:42:16 I think she was like making dinner and trying to, like, juggle a bunch of things at once. And I was like, I just want you to know you're doing a great job as a person all around.
Evan 00:04:43:16 00:04:59:22 She, like half gets a mouthful of water spilling out of her mouth onto her. So it's like she forgot how to drink. This is like, what is my mouth do after I put the water in my mouth? I forget. Does it go? Does the water go down or is it come back out the front?
Luna 00:05:00:05 00:05:01:19 Before he even finished the sentence. It wasn't even me doing it as a joke. It really just happened as he was trying to tell me I was doing a great job at life.
Evan 00:05:15:11 00:05:20:21 And we both had a little.
Luna 00:05:20:21 00:05:44:01 Yeah, I think. Well, in general, I don't know if I've mentioned that on the podcast before yet, but you have to be able to laugh at yourself. I think too. It's like a good survival mechanism. I basically say that I have like a sitcom life because I constantly have bizarre things you you with or things that you see happen in a sitcom and you think, Oh, that's obviously made up.
Luna 00:05:44:01 00:05:46:20 That would never happen to a person in real life. And then it does.
Luna 00:05:51:15 00:06:05:09 Try to figure out which question I should start with for. Okay. How about this? What is your definition of love and how has it changed over time?
Evan 00:06:05:20 00:06:16:18 Just kind of a feeling that you know that you have and also someone that you really love. You should be willing to do anything for. It's hard to describe, I guess.
Luna 00:06:17:12 00:06:43:23 Yeah, it's hard to describe what love is like in words. Like when our son was born, it was, you know, that that level of love, it's so I mean, it's very different from romantic love, I guess. Similar and different. But you can never. I just felt like you could never really describe that feeling to anyone until you're in it.
Luna 00:06:44:17 00:07:10:18 It's just like an insane, indescribable kind of feeling. And I think that love itself is just complicated to define. But a lot of people might have the misconception of what it is because there's the whole beginning of a relationship feeling where you're adrenaline is pumping and you have the oxytocin and the butterflies and the excitement and everything is new and fresh.
Luna 00:07:10:18 00:07:37:03 And a lot of people equate that to what love is when really that's just infatuation. It does evolve over time because in the beginning it is those, you know, that infatuation, that initial like butterfly feeling where you still don't know everything about the person. And so everything's kind of like new and exciting. And then over time, you know, I mean, you know, that person more in depth and know these little nuances about them.
Luna 00:07:37:03 00:07:53:21 And I think love at that point changes into more of that familiarity. And for me, a big part of it is just the friendship, I guess the fact that like we're so bound to each other that I could never imagine life without you.
Evan 00:07:54:08 00:08:07:11 Get to marry your best friend, folks. Yeah, you're number one. Here's the list. Number one with a big capital M, I guess. Marry your best friend's.
Luna 00:08:08:01 00:08:09:05 What would be tip number two?
Evan 00:08:10:23 00:08:18:01 Get it in writing. Whatever it is.
Luna 00:08:18:18 00:08:20:21 I would say you have to.
Evan 00:08:21:00 00:08:21:18 Have a lawyer.
Luna 00:08:24:12 00:08:47:03 I'd say, I mean, marrying your best friend. Yes. I think that is the number one tip is you have to be really good friends, probably the best of friends who are their significant other because you want to be with someone you want to spend time with that you can like laugh together. And attorneys have all these crazy adventures together.
Luna 00:08:47:03 00:09:06:02 You want to enjoy time with that person. So you're right. I think you should be with your best friend. I was going to say you also you have to have some things in common to keep you connected and then have other characteristics that are opposite of each other, because then it helps. Like when you come together, you're like, you know, filling in those gaps.
Luna 00:09:06:02 00:09:13:06 For us, we have a lot of opposite things. I'm more of a fast person and he's more of a slow burn.
Evan 00:09:13:23 00:09:23:05 This much more complains about it constantly. Yeah. How come you so slow when you are?
Luna 00:09:23:05 00:09:37:19 Whereas yeah, I tend to run fast and you know, both, both movements to decision and Yeah. And he's very slow with his movements and how he talks.
Evan 00:09:37:19 00:09:39:09 I like to think of it as methodical.
Luna 00:09:40:08 00:09:51:07 You know, and the same comes with like decision making and everything to like he'll take forever analyzing everything, looking into everything. I know this sounds like a complaint, but it's.
Luna 00:09:52:02 00:09:54:09 It's great, though, to point to.
Evan 00:09:54:21 00:09:59:01 You wouldn't believe the amazing choices that have made for us after thoroughly researching.
Luna 00:09:59:01 00:09:59:07 And.
Luna 00:10:01:19 00:10:14:00 But when you have those opposite traits and they come together, they work really well. We balance each other out in that respect, where and I think like over time, I mean, I don't know if you've gone faster.
Luna 00:10:14:04 00:10:15:06 You're just decision.
Luna 00:10:15:06 00:10:26:20 Making. Mm hmm. But I feel like I've gotten better at holding off and, like, thinking things through than I had been. So you're telling me that had to be gross?
Luna 00:10:26:20 00:10:27:10 You go with me.
Evan 00:10:27:20 00:10:42:10 I think. I don't think I'm any faster decision making, but I think I am more apt to just not care when you do it. Like if you're going to handle something. I'm just like, I'm sure you can figure it out and then I trust it.
Luna 00:10:42:16 00:10:43:02 Mm hmm.
Evan 00:10:43:16 00:10:50:13 So kind of a union yang situation between us. You know, you're one side of the coin on the other. We balance each other out.
Luna 00:10:51:09 00:10:54:14 I'm the one with 30,000 emails, and his is cleared.
Evan 00:10:55:05 00:11:09:06 Yeah. So I'm sorry she is misleading you. This I owe to emails in my inbox right now. One of them just came in this week. I got to deal with it, but no one's been there for like a month. It's kind of annoying thing.
Luna 00:11:09:23 00:11:21:08 How has our relationship evolved over time? I feel like this kind of goes hand in hand with the idea of love, because I think love evolves as you're with someone.
Luna 00:11:21:16 00:11:24:11 Yeah.
Evan 00:11:24:11 00:11:51:02 Earlier on there was more trying to have experiences together and do things together, things like that. And now partially because we it's hard for us to get out of the house. Now it's less about that and it's more about just spending time with one another and being happy in each other's presence.
Luna 00:11:52:16 00:12:07:03 How do we communicate effectively and what role does communication play in our relationship? If you do not have good communication in your relationship, it's suffering. I feel like, yeah.
Evan 00:12:08:05 00:12:26:19 I think saying things early before it's new wells into something larger is important. Let's kind of help people become, you know, spiteful, resentful towards one another. One person is doing something that the other one doesn't like and the other person doesn't know it. Yeah, continuing to do it.
Luna 00:12:27:02 00:12:27:13 Yes.
Evan 00:12:27:15 00:12:28:05 But if you.
Luna 00:12:28:07 00:12:33:13 Tell the other person. Yeah. Then you're just getting mad at them for something. They're not even.
Evan 00:12:33:19 00:12:35:15 For thinking that's your own fault at that point.
Luna 00:12:36:03 00:12:42:06 Yeah. So I think communication and having arguments, it's not like bad for couples to have disagreements and arguments.
Evan 00:12:42:09 00:12:43:17 Know just calm discussions.
Luna 00:12:44:14 00:12:45:09 Who would.
Luna 00:12:45:10 00:12:46:02 Discuss.
Evan 00:12:47:09 00:12:51:10 Like a parent in the nineties to say mom and dad are discussing something.
Luna 00:12:53:00 00:13:04:01 Having a disagreement and then talking through it. That's also part of communication and you have to communicate and discuss to get on the same page about things.
Luna 00:13:04:02 00:13:04:07 Yeah.
Evan 00:13:05:05 00:13:22:08 Big things like, you know, how many kids are you going to have or small things like how to peel an orange.
Luna 00:13:22:08 00:13:48:13 So what role does communication play in our relationship? I feel like that is something about you that I really compared to past relationships, you were like I've said, I mean, here, you know, you said this so many times because we communicate, but the he is actually good at communicating. I feel like a lot of men struggle with talking through feelings.
Luna 00:13:49:02 00:14:10:14 Evan was the first person that I dated that like, actually talked about things and would have discussions. And that was so different. But that's part of what made it work so much better because we could work through, you know, anything that we might not have been on the same page about.
Evan 00:14:11:19 00:14:27:20 Yeah, and that was somewhat new for me as well, because I knew as soon as we met each other and got together that I was willing and able to talk to her in a way that I hadn't talked to previous girlfriends.
Luna 00:14:28:06 00:14:30:10 Oh really? So it was just particular to me.
Evan 00:14:30:17 00:14:35:12 You just need to meet your soulmate and then. Bingo, Bingo. That's the one you marry.
Luna 00:14:35:18 00:14:42:02 When you meet the person that you are completely fine with. Opening up to, then that might be your person.
Evan 00:14:42:02 00:14:42:22 That's a good hint.
Luna 00:14:43:06 00:14:43:14 Yeah.
Evan 00:14:45:01 00:15:07:20 If you're going to get married to them just because it's been a while and you haven't broken up yet, but you don't feel any different about that person than like anybody else. Not a good person. Very. You'll definitely know when you meet the right person and you feel different about that person than anybody else.
Luna 00:15:09:01 00:15:35:20 All right. I'm going to stop part one here because it's a basically the halfway point in the edited version of the full podcast. The uncut version has basically another full size podcast inside it of a lot more personal stories and mildly inappropriate in this. And you can get that entire uncut episode, which is 47 minutes long on Patreon.com/thefriendinyourearpod.
Luna 00:15:41:05 00:16:08:10 Heads up, do not go there and listen. If you are easily offended. It's not insane or anything. But I didn't think that some of it was appropriate for the general public. So if you are interested in even more personal stories of our past, in our relationship, definitely make sure you go grab that on the Patreon page for the podcast Mirror.
Luna 00:16:08:20 00:16:13:22 I hope you enjoyed this episode, this part one and I hope you.
Luna 00:16:13:22 00:16:19:11 Are following and or subscribe so that you get part two when it comes.
Luna 00:16:19:11 00:16:23:14 Out next week. I hope you have a great week.
Luna 00:16:24:21 00:16:28:18 Thanks again for tuning in and see you next time.