159. The Power of Self-Care and Boundaries with Wendy Behar

In this heartfelt episode, Colette Brown welcomes Wendy Behar, a licensed therapist and bestselling author, who shares her insights on setting boundaries, self-care, and living a fulfilling life. 

Wendy discusses her recovery journey from alcoholism, the importance of being true to oneself, and her daily practices of meditation, journaling, and healthy living. 

The conversation also touches on the significance of asking for help, the interplay of feminine energy, and finding balance in life. 

Wendy offers practical advice for those seeking clarity and connection and highlights her support group for women in recovery.

Episode Highlights:

01:57 Wendy's Journey to Sobriety

03:52 Daily Wellness Practices

06:50 Setting Boundaries and Self-Care

11:57 The Importance of Support Systems

13:55 Finding Clarity and Purpose

18:01 Introduction to Break Free Foundation

18:36 The Power of Community and Support Groups

19:51 Taking Small Steps Towards Recovery

21:29 Matching Your Inside and Outside

22:59 The Importance of Healthy Living

26:23 Balancing Feminine and Masculine Energy

29:59 The Value of Asking for Help

Wendy Behar, LMSW, CASAC 2, CCAR Certified Recovery Coach & Addiction Specialist

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wendy.behar/

Website: www.wendybehar.com

Book: #YourRules. Your Life.: First Steps to Move You Forward

Check out Wendy’s latest feature in ShoutOut Miami: https://shoutoutmiami.com/meet-wendy-behar-certified-addiction-recovery-life-coach/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wendy.behar.5

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendy-behar-5b21281a9/

______________________________________

Connect with Colette:

Instagram: @wellnessbycolette

Website: love-colette.com

Thank you for listening to the Limitless Healing podcast with Colette Brown! It would mean the world if you would take one minute to follow, leave a 5 star review and share with those you love!

In Health,
Colette

Transcript

[00:00:00] Colette Brown: Welcome to the Limitless Healing Podcast, where everyone is welcome to take a front row seat and listen in on inspiring conversations, stories of healing and action steps to help you live your best life. My name is Colette Brown, and I'm passionate about all things wellness, mind, body, soul, inspired by my own personal transformation from unwell and not knowing where to turn to thriving and flourishing and motivated to help you do the same.

[00:00:28] I share this platform with medical doctors, wellness practitioners, chronic illness, survivors, meditation, and mindfulness gurus, innovators of products from food to technology and more. Think of it as a one stop shop for wellness resources where you can listen to professionals from around the world to help you thrive.

[00:00:48] Join me Mondays while sipping a cup of tea or making your favorite meal as we explore the world of wellness together. This is the Limitless Healing Podcast. My next guest must be one of my favorite humans on the face of this earth. She is a licensed therapist, a published author of the bestselling book, your rules, your life, where she shares about setting boundaries.

[00:01:15] And self care and strategies for a better life. Resilient, gracious, beautiful, a bright light in this world. And I'm so excited to be able to share her with the world. She inspires me to be a better person. Welcome Wendy Veyhar. Welcome Wendy. 

[00:01:35] Wendy Behar: Thank you. Wow. I hope I live up to that. 

[00:01:38] Colette Brown: Ah, you are just amazing.

[00:01:40] Everything and more. And I have to say that right before this, I was sharing with you that I am driving with my daughter who is a student driver in Los Angeles, driving on the 10 freeway Pacific Coast Highway and in rush hour traffic. And so before this, I was sharing with Wendy and she said, okay, just breathe.

[00:02:02] Take a minute. Just go. So you, every single moment you. Always inspire me. You have words of wisdom. You implement what you preach. And there's a lot of people who have a lot of knowledge and they're specialists, but they don't actually integrate it into their lives. And you exude this every step since I've known you.

[00:02:26] So it's so good to have you. I also want to say that you were my podcast number 10 when I first started. So you have been on this journey with me from the beginning and it's been absolutely beautiful. So I'm not going to do the traditional tell me about your childhood because I want everyone to go back and listen to that episode.

[00:02:46] Today, we're going to dive into what is that? Essence within us that we need to tune into. And that looks like many things. So Wendy, let's get to it and let's just start talking about your practice and how in sobriety you show up for yourself so that you can inspire others. And we'll start there. 

[00:03:11] Wendy Behar: Okay.

[00:03:12] All right. Thank you for that introduction. And what episode are we on now? If I started with you 

[00:03:18] Colette Brown: now, I think I'm somewhere around 100 and almost 150. 

[00:03:22] Wendy Behar: Oh wow. Congratulations. Thank you. You grow and evolve. Yes. Ever since that first podcast and yes, yes. Yes. So when you're talking about, you talk about wellness.

[00:03:36] And I'm in recovery for 26 years from alcohol, and it changed my whole life as I went back to graduate school to become a social worker. And then I became a certified specialist in addiction. And throughout my journey, I've learned a lot about myself. And the most important thing I could say is to really be true to you.

[00:03:59] And for me, what I needed to do was to really look at my life, my relationships, and start changing. And the first change I made was not drinking. And from there, I learned more and more about myself. 

[00:04:14] Colette Brown: You can share that story if you want about what made you Head rock bottom to make you make that decision.

[00:04:21] Wendy Behar: Basically I drank for the last time in front of my children who were seven and nine. Now they're 36 and 33 and I have a grandchild that is 17 months. 

[00:04:31] Colette Brown: If you look at Wendy, she looks like she's 30. So it's just not possible. 

[00:04:37] Wendy Behar: That's actually what you asked me. What am I doing? Right. So you have to walk, The talk.

[00:04:42] So if I am going to teach my clients how to live life and how to cope, then I have to do it. Yes. And I can't lose myself. And what I need to do is really meditate in the morning, wake up and breathe, really feel like, what is my, what am I going to be doing today? What is my intention? I need to ground and center and really breathe and I journal my thoughts and feelings.

[00:05:09] I even sometimes will do tarot cards and I'll ask the universe to show me what is my message for today. And I thank you. The angels are showing me, for example, like you and I connected and there are no coincidences. And I believe it was orchestrated from the universe and everyone in my life. There's a reason season or a lifetime.

[00:05:32] They're in my life. 

[00:05:35] Colette Brown: And you're a 

[00:05:35] Wendy Behar: lifetime and I'm honored to be on this journey with you. 

[00:05:39] Colette Brown: Yeah. 

[00:05:40] Wendy Behar: So in the morning, it's the way I start my day is the way how the rest of my day is going to be and if I forget to meditate and pray. And journal, my day gets scattered and I'm all over the place, rushing from one thing to another and not really stopping and breathing.

[00:05:59] Colette Brown: Yeah. 

[00:06:00] Wendy Behar: And in the morning while I love to do my juice, so I do cold press juice and I know you're all about wellness and food and I've learned a lot from you. What I'm putting into my body matters as well. So when I stopped the alcohol, I started to go to a nutritionist and I learned more about health and my body and I realized I'm gluten free and I have to stay away from nightshades.

[00:06:25] So that's another thing to really make sure that you're going to the doctor and pay attention to your body. 

[00:06:31] Colette Brown: Yes. Yeah. Some people might be masking, like it could be drugs, alcohol work. There could be all these things that are in our lives that we're so busy that like you said, when you pulled out the alcohol, you're like, oh, okay, nutritionist, what do I actually need?

[00:06:50] Because I'm starting to pay attention now. And yeah. drilling in and being able to hear that little voice inside. 

[00:06:57] Wendy Behar: Yes, exactly. Because more of is revealed. I always talk about like an onion, peel the onion and learn more and more about yourself. Even if you're not in recovery, just as a woman, you used to like last year, you might not like this year when we change and evolve and it's okay.

[00:07:14] And nobody really likes change. It's a little scary, but knowing that It's best for you. Yes. In the long run, because it's hard to make changes. And you mentioned a lot of those addictions, but there's also, you can add food, you could add sex to be codependent, which is something I learned about as well, that I am codependent.

[00:07:32] I was raised to be a people pleaser and please you. And being in the healthcare profession, I love helping people. And that's my passion. It lights me up, but I can lose myself in doing that. So I have to balance that and be careful and make sure that I'm doing me first. 

[00:07:49] Colette Brown: Yes. 

[00:07:50] Wendy Behar: Yes. Right. There's a chapter in my book that the chapter is, I love you, but I love me more.

[00:07:56] And that is key. And it's really hard for me. Because if I didn't take care of my parents needs or my children first, then I'm selfish. I'm a bad mom. Right. And I think self care isn't selfish because I can't give you what I don't have. And then I'm teaching my children to don't pay attention to your needs.

[00:08:14] Don't pay attention to yourself, help everyone else. And that's not good. And that's stress, right? 

[00:08:20] Colette Brown: Yes. 

[00:08:21] Wendy Behar: It's not healthy. 

[00:08:22] Colette Brown: No. And you give an analogy of an orchestra. You want to share that with us? 

[00:08:26] Wendy Behar: Oh, sure. Sure. It's actually in my newsletter for October, we talk about the orchestra and the balcony where there are people in our lives that once took a front row in our life.

[00:08:40] They were in the orchestra and as we evolve and change. They are moved to the balcony and my husband says, and maybe they're standing room only, or maybe they are out of the theater. Maybe they don't even have a ticket. I could add that into the newsletter, which is so true. And it doesn't mean that I don't love you.

[00:09:00] I can love someone like my first husband. I love him. I still do. We were married 22 years, but we outgrew each other. I was on one journey. He's on the other. And I speak with him and we share children together and we get along. And he says I'm his best friend, which is wonderful, but he's not in the front row anymore.

[00:09:19] Colette Brown: Yeah. 

[00:09:20] Wendy Behar: And it's okay. And I have friends who we have outgrown each other and that's okay. Because I know that when I'm around certain people, and that's something I would suggest to everybody to pay attention how you feel after you're with someone. 

[00:09:33] Colette Brown: Yes. Yes. 

[00:09:34] Wendy Behar: Do you feel anxious or do you feel good? And then limit the time you're with those people.

[00:09:40] Sometimes it's family members. It'd be a little challenging, but really pay attention or limit time with certain people if you have to, even in business. There's certain people that you have to deal with, limit your time. 

[00:09:53] Colette Brown: Yes. I think one phrase that you taught me that I have used, I want to say daily [00:10:00] ever since, but I don't know, but no is a complete sentence.

[00:10:03] And that was the title of your podcast because that resonated so deeply with me. And we, so many times we feel off and yet we feel obligated that we need to commit or we don't want to let somebody down and who's going to set those boundaries for us. So no is a complete sentence. You don't have to say, I can't because I've got to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:10:29] You can just say, no, I'm not available. And that's it. We don't need to give an explanation. And that was so beautiful for me to hear from you. And it's been a gift to me to be able to say that and say it on the podcast repetitively, just so people can really hear that. So it sinks in and it can inspire someone to say, yeah, I can say, no, it's okay to say no.

[00:10:54] Wendy Behar: Yes. It's okay to say no and say yes to yourself, 

[00:10:56] Colette Brown: which 

[00:10:59] Wendy Behar: is hard to do. There are like little phrases that you can say if you feel like, Oh, you have to say something. Somebody asks you to do something, but let me get back to you. Let me check my schedule. That's not going to work for me. And it's interesting you say that because I felt guilty because we had scheduled another podcast prior a month or so ago, but I had COVID.

[00:11:19] And even then I felt horrible because when I make a commitment, I like to stick to it. 

[00:11:25] Colette Brown: Yes. 

[00:11:25] Wendy Behar: So I had to reschedule and I felt, I'm like, Oh no, I don't want to do that to Colette. I had to do that. I was sick. And do you have to get physically ill to say no? That was a message from the universe. Prior to that, I was feeling overwhelmed and I said, Oh, I'm, I booked this.

[00:11:43] I probably shouldn't have, I have too many things going on. And then the you said, okay, I'm going to get 

[00:11:48] Colette Brown: you sick. Here's your excuse. So you can stop. But why do we need to go that far is what you're saying? 

[00:11:53] Wendy Behar: Yes, I know. And that is really difficult. My body tells me, Ooh, got to stop. 

[00:12:00] Colette Brown: Yeah. The other analogy is when we're parents and we have children.

[00:12:05] And they make a mistake or they get a little out of control. We're not demeaning them and yelling at them. I hope you're not. If you're listening, we're gentle with them and yes. And let's do this. Let's sit down for a minute and just. Take a breather. Let's figure out how we can organize the time to where we can fit this into the schedule.

[00:12:27] We were very gentle. And with ourselves, we can be so destructive and so critical and so hard. And we need to also be gracious with ourselves because I think when you are hard on yourself, you can revert back to these old behaviors and patterns. It's easy to slip into that. So what are some ways that if you find yourself slipping into that mindset, what are some surefire ways to pull yourself back into that better mindset thinking and not being hard on yourself?

[00:13:03] Wendy Behar: Yes. So that's what I was going to say. I was thinking to myself when you were sharing that, that really important to talk to yourself, Wendy, it's okay. You're doing a really great job and I love you. Talk to yourself like you're a child, your inner child, and really be kind. And I love to like even to put post it notes up.

[00:13:23] You are enough. Look at yourself in the mirror and say it's okay. And I also really feel it's really important to have a support system, a network of people that you can call. To say, Hey, or shoot a text. I'm really having a hard time. I can't believe I did this. And then let that person talk you off the ledge and say, Hey, it's okay.

[00:13:44] I always think about the pencil with the pencil. There's an eraser or mistakes. And we are human. We are not robots. Right. And I always think of one of my favorite books, the four agreements. I don't know if you've ever read 

[00:13:58] Colette Brown: I have. 

[00:13:59] Wendy Behar: And one of the agreements is always do your best. Now, what does that mean?

[00:14:05] My best is going to be different every day, depending on how much I sleep, what eating emotionally, what's going on in my life. So be gentle with yourself. I say, take the stick and hit yourself with the feather. Just be kind. I'm guilty of it. I can make an error. So what did I do that? Why? Because I'm human at the end of the world.

[00:14:32] It's okay. 

[00:14:34] Colette Brown: Yeah, it really is. And I find that in life, if we can have that graciousness. and kindness and implement it within ourselves, we're more productive. If you believe that you're here in the world to do good, to make a change, to make a difference, that you're a conduit to a greater purpose, how can you better that?

[00:14:59] It's not by beating yourself up. So what are things that people can do once they get And that mentality, they're going to be more gentle with themselves. What are some next steps in order to get that clarity? Because I think a lot of people too are confused and they turn to things because they don't have clarity in their life.

[00:15:18] They don't know what their purpose is or what their meaning is. So how do you get people and steer them around that? 

[00:15:25] Wendy Behar: So, I would say it's very important to, again, go to somebody that has the tools. When you're in school, you're learning math. How are you going to learn math? You'll go to a tutor if you need some extra help.

[00:15:37] And I have a coach. I am a coach. I am a therapist. I go to therapy. And constantly trying to learn and work on yourself. And, meditation, which I mentioned earlier, is very important. Probably one of the most basic important things because it really helps you pause and stop. Think, what do I want to do today?

[00:15:57] What is my goal today? And what is going on? Because feeling your feelings. Now, if you're racing around and running, which is another addiction, then you can't feel. Right. And you can't feel, then you're not aware. And if you're not aware, you can't make changes or grab something outside of yourself to fill the hole.

[00:16:17] In your soul. So it's really important to stop and think, and if you can't do it on your own, I know a lot of people will try self help books and all different things, but it's not like someone, whether it's me or somebody else to help you gain clarity. And to stop and start identifying your feelings because most of my clients, when they first come to me, they don't even know what they're feeling.

[00:16:40] And they'll tell me, you know, a thought I'm like, no, that's a thought. It's not a feeling. 

[00:16:43] Colette Brown: Yeah. 

[00:16:44] Wendy Behar: And a lot of times their needs aren't getting met and they don't even know that or how to get these needs met. At the end of the day, they'll be like exhausted. And what will they do? Drink, drug, act out in other ways that aren't healthy, eat crap.

[00:17:01] Yeah. They're tired. So what do they need to do? Rest more, take breaks during the day, take a walk to get your dopamine. And there are a lot of different tools that can help you. And I actually, one of my programs is called the happiness. Recovery system for anybody really how to have a happier life. There are so many tools and I'll do worksheets with people and I try to help them really identify what's going on.

[00:17:30] And I actually, I know we're going to mention this later, but I'm just thinking of it now. I have on my website, a gift, which is a self care journal and a wellness log that you could start out. Doing to help you questions like start thinking about things in your life. There's a lot of people don't even think about it.

[00:17:51] They just go, it's like a routine. I've done this all the time and this is what I do. 

[00:17:55] Colette Brown: Yes. And what if somebody says, Wendy, I just don't have time to do that. How do you find time to do that? What's your response? 

[00:18:01] Wendy Behar: What is Your priority. What are the most important things in your life? And if they list these important things, they say that children, you really can't be a good mom if you're running around, because then you're going to be nasty and irritable.

[00:18:14] So if you give yourself five minutes. I'm sure you could have five and get up earlier. 

[00:18:19] Colette Brown: Yeah. 

[00:18:19] Wendy Behar: I remember when my children were small, I would get up an hour before they got up so I could call my sponsor so I could meditate and get calm. And you know what? I also took a nap before they came home. It was exhausting.

[00:18:35] Yeah. I took a 20 minute nap, a power nap. You can make time for anything that's important. What's your priority? Whatever we spend our time with shows us what our priorities are. Stop making yourself a priority to be a better person for everyone in your life and more productive. You will be more productive if you meditate and you stop.

[00:18:55] Try it. 

[00:18:55] Colette Brown: You have nothing to lose. And in today's age, there is so much information at our fingertips and it's in the voice of what you want to hear. It could be Wendy Behar. It could be any person that you want to insert there that resonates. Um, but if you're hearing this message today, it's not by accident.

[00:19:18] You're meant for more. You're meant to improve. You're bent to love yourself more. And there's so many resources and you are one of them. And you also have a group, right? A women's group that meets. So why don't you tell us about that? 

[00:19:34] Wendy Behar: Yeah, so I actually volunteer my time for break free, which break free is a foundation that helps people in recovery.

[00:19:44] And there is a smart recovery group, which is free. And it actually is the first Wednesday of every month, which is happens to be, we're doing a Wednesday, which is. [00:20:00] And this group uses evidence based tools, smart recovery, which is cognitive behavior therapy, REB therapy. and different motivational skills to teach you how to cope.

[00:20:20] It's with any addiction. So it could be food, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, and it's for women only. And we have such a great group, different people come in and everyone just feels connected. And you talk, I just facilitate it. And you connect with other like minded people and learn tools on how to live a better life.

[00:20:40] Yeah. 

[00:20:41] Colette Brown: Yeah. And understanding too. I just had a conversation with a client yesterday and she said, none of my friends think the way that I'm thinking now. They don't question things. They just are in a different plane. And I said, there's a reason that we connected. And that's it. I'm connecting her into people that are like minded in her area that she can start flourishing because there comes a time when enough's enough.

[00:21:10] And if you're not, like you said before, how do you fill those friends are not lighting her up. So something needs to change. And there, there's so many groups and therapies, all different types. And so really just diving into yourself, start educating yourself. Start doing your meditation, your journaling, whatever it is.

[00:21:30] And it can be for such a small period of time, but really those are little things that will help you succeed incrementally, and it might feel like little baby steps at first, but once you get going, you're going to see dramatic changes and that will just compound with time. So. Hang in there if you get started and you're a little bit wobbly, it's like giving birth.

[00:21:54] I grew up on a farm, so we would have a baby cow or a baby horse that was born in the little Philly would just wobble and could hardly stand. And then all of a sudden it stood and then it was jumping and frolicking in the pasture. And this is like that. You have to start somewhere. You have to find your legs.

[00:22:12] And that baby horse had a mother by its side that was nursing it, that was caring for it, that was protecting it. So who in your world can you get in to be that support person as well, if you really need that. Because not everybody has the grit to do it alone. And you're not meant to do it alone. So there's help.

[00:22:32] Wendy Behar: Yes and very important, like you said, we need other people. We're human beings and we need to be with each other. Yes. And if you're struggling, someone else has been struggling, help out there, like you said, through social media, listen to this podcast and just ask for help and start rewiring your brain, the neurotransmitters need to be washed with some good stuff.

[00:22:58] Yes. And you say 

[00:22:59] Colette Brown: your outside and inside need to match. So share what you mean by that. 

[00:23:03] Wendy Behar: Yeah. So when we talk about insides and outsides matching, you want to look good and feel good. I grew up, it was all about the outside. You looked. It didn't matter if you were drinking, drugging, yelling, just not behaving properly, that didn't really matter long as you looked good on the outside.

[00:23:24] But maybe you were depressed and anxious and miserable. So, you know, I'm thinking of when I first came into the rooms of recovery, my sponsor gave me a book and it said, of course you're angry. And I said, me angry. I'm always smiling. So you wouldn't know from the outside that I'm angry. And I didn't know I was anxious.

[00:23:43] That's why I drank. But when I'd be sober, I'm like, oh, that's why I drink. Not only genetic because it was genetic. Addiction is genetic as far as I'm concerned. Family disease. Some people can argue with me, but that's okay. And yes, so really important to say, okay, what am I putting into my body and who?

[00:24:01] Like we talked before is in my life lighting me up is I'm doing lighting me up. Is it making me feel good? And is it good for me on the inside? And then it'll shine through on the outside because happiness was an old cliche is an inside job, but it really is. It is first things first, love yourself enough to make that change and you don't do it alone.

[00:24:28] Like you said. 

[00:24:29] Colette Brown: Yeah. And I have to interject here while we're on this, that the gut is connected to the brain. And if you are. putting in your body, speaking of inside out things that are not good. And maybe you don't even know what those things are or how you should be eating or what you should be putting into your body.

[00:24:52] Then start there because a lot of times people can start eating very healthy. And they have their omega six, three balance, and they're doing, they're putting in nourishing things to their body and whole foods. And then they start exercising and moving that blood, moving toxins out, sweating, and it will put you into a different mindset where, okay, now I do have the capability of making a better, educated decision by simply changing your diet and a little bit of exercise.

[00:25:28] And then you're like, okay, now I understand. I'm going to start meditating a little bit. I'm going to now maybe do a cold plunge because I've learned that I can do hard things and incrementally you get better. So inside out and you see it. People tell me all the time, you look fantastic. And I just say, I practice what I preach and, and it's that simple.

[00:25:50] It's not that it's genetic or like I take care of myself. And before I became healthy, I was very unhealthy. And you people that knew me before can't believe what I look like now. And people that know me now can't believe what I looked like before. So I'm not saying that egotistically or anything, but I'm just saying you, you get the results that you put in.

[00:26:14] to creating your world. And my why is to show up for my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren, travel the world, nourish relationships, spend more time with people that I love and share how I do it, which is what I do. The podcast was created for my program was created for so that other people can enjoy it too.

[00:26:39] That lights me up. It's not easy. You got to put in some work. It's not just do this, do that. And then you're going to be all good. Go on your life. You don't have to do anything else. So 

[00:26:50] Wendy Behar: yes, anything worth it in life takes work. Yes. Going to school, getting your degree. Yes. Relationships. It all takes work, but it's worth it and you are worth it, like you said.

[00:27:02] And I love what you said. You can do hard things, knowing that everything does pass. And sometimes you'll slip up one step forward, two steps back. Look, my, I had lots of trouble. getting on that track. It doesn't just happen because I said it. I try to do the best I can every single day. And what you talked about food really important.

[00:27:23] It affects your brain chemistry as well. Like you said, depression, anxiety, what you're eating 

[00:27:28] Colette Brown: can trigger those. Addictions. Addictions. 

[00:27:30] Wendy Behar: Yes, 

[00:27:31] Colette Brown: exactly. So you want to get 

[00:27:33] Wendy Behar: dopamine in a good way, not from drugs or alcohol or sugar. 

[00:27:36] Colette Brown: Yes. 

[00:27:37] Wendy Behar: Yes. We can get it from exercising, walking, being with people, even if you just fake a smile and it's dopamine, you get it.

[00:27:45] Colette Brown: Yes. Yes. This is, yeah, there's a little hack from Wendy smile to get ahead of dopamine naturally. One other thing that I just, I would love your wisdom on because I believe that you're just very wise, Wendy in, in my life, I would say the last year I have been really trying to lead with a feminine energy and you can look at us and think you guys are very feminine.

[00:28:12] And yes. We are very feminine. Part of my growing up in the corporate world and working was in that masculine mentality of just bulldozing through and pushing and strong arming and like just all this negotiation. And for the female body, that's really hard for us to stay. And then you couple that with your responsibilities at home and there's always decisions to be made.

[00:28:45] So the last year I've been really trying to try to lead with a strong feminine, which is a complete different energy. And I just wanted to know, If you have any insight into that and what's your take on it and how do you do that? 

[00:28:59] Wendy Behar: Okay. So can you define the feminine energy for us? 

[00:29:03] Colette Brown: More of instead of demanding, asking and receiving, okay, I need this by five o'clock.

[00:29:10] I can't do it just this, my deadline is five o'clock and just a different where you're not so stressed about it and just learning that, that we can lead. We can lead with a little bit like firm. But soft. 

[00:29:27] Wendy Behar: Well, it's an interesting question. How about I say I get back 

[00:29:31] Colette Brown: to you another podcast episode 

[00:29:33] Wendy Behar: that we could be here for another hour.

[00:29:35] Yeah. The one thing that I, when you're sharing it, just it's like, again, what we started out with being gentle. 

[00:29:41] Colette Brown: Yeah. 

[00:29:41] Wendy Behar: So if, how could you be gentle with others? If you're not gentle with yourself? Yes. Yes. So that is the key. Yes. To be kind and gentle. And are you going to be okay if it's not done at five o'clock, if it's done at five 30.

[00:29:57] Colette Brown: Mm hmm. 

[00:29:57] Wendy Behar: To actually just have that mindset, like [00:30:00] to wear life like a loose garment and say, yes, I would like this. Cause for example, I've had things where people are working for me and they couldn't do it when it was supposed to be. And I've learned to be like, it's okay. How important is it? Is the world going to come to a screeching halt just because it's not done at this time?

[00:30:18] Or I wanted this newsletter to go out this day and it's going out next week. Oh, it's like, how important is it? It's really not. Certain things could be a deadline and important, but I found most things in life really aren't and health is number one, not worth to get so stressed out that your health is going to suffer.

[00:30:38] And mine has in the last year, I've had things going on besides COVID. I'm okay. But my immune system is saying I have to slow down. Because I want to do everything and I really can't. Yes. And that's that masculine energy. Yeah, I want to go here and there. And I have to show like, I don't really want to go to Manhattan.

[00:30:58] I do not like the city. I'm sorry. I don't. And there are events there and I had to go. But it set me back. Physically, it's not good for me. So I have to set boundaries and say to someone, Hey, could you meet me somewhere else for business? 

[00:31:12] Colette Brown: I feel very fortunate that you came to Manhattan to meet me. 

[00:31:15] Wendy Behar: That was the last time I did it.

[00:31:17] It was great. It was really 

[00:31:19] Colette Brown: good. And I appreciate that. 

[00:31:20] Wendy Behar: I've gone to events in the city that I have to go to, but it's not my go to and I limit the time that I do it. I can't do it all the time. 

[00:31:29] Colette Brown: Yeah. And, and learning really how to ask for help and being a mom, being an entrepreneur, being able to open the mouth and just say, I need help.

[00:31:39] And that's for me, part of the journey too, because I never want to inconvenience anyone and I want to make it easier on people. And that also needs to apply to myself. So I'm going to ask 

[00:31:51] Wendy Behar: you a question. 

[00:31:52] Colette Brown: Yes. 

[00:31:52] Wendy Behar: How do you feel when somebody 

[00:31:54] Colette Brown: asks you for help? If I can help someone, I'm very happy. It makes me happy to give back.

[00:32:01] Wendy Behar: Okay. So when you ask someone for help, yes, I bet you they feel the same way. Like I'm honored. I'm honored. When somebody asks me for help and they tell me, Oh my God, I'm so glad I heard you've changed my life and I'm not being egotistical, I'm just saying it makes me feel good. Or sponsoring people or just helping somebody in the supermarket reach a can.

[00:32:23] The woman's, Oh, can you reach that for me? You're tall. It's a simple thing. Yes. Like really silly. The analogy when you're helping others, it makes you feel good. 

[00:32:34] Colette Brown: Yes, absolutely. And so therefore asking for help, we should also feel good because we're allowing the other to give back and we can receive and they get the gift of giving to us too.

[00:32:47] Wendy Behar: Yeah. So that's like the feminine and the masculine, like asking for help. You don't have to do it all your own. And then you're teaching your children. If you ask for help, they'll be able to, don't you want your children to ask for help? Yeah. If you can do it all. And they see you doing, that's what they're going to be because we talked about generational patterns.

[00:33:04] They get repeated. We can break them. Yes. Break the pattern. 

[00:33:07] Colette Brown: And sometimes we're more motivated by our children than for our own selves. So that is a motivation to make sure that they're growing up in a way that they can live an even better life and integrating that ability to ask is really important.

[00:33:24] Wendy Behar: Yes. Because we are role models. For our children and everyone that we come in contact with. And that's how I got sober in 1998 because of my children. That was my epiphany moment. I was like, Whoa, my children have to see me like that. No, I don't want that. 

[00:33:40] Colette Brown: Yeah. Yes. Wendy, I'm going to ask you a question and this might have changed since our last interview, but if this was the last message that you had to broadcast out to the world, what would it be?

[00:33:52] Wendy Behar: To make yourself a priority. Be true to you. And like you said too, there's so many things like ask for help and you're not alone. There's so many, there's so many things, but really to really take care of you. Stop the people, please. Yes. What would you, what would it be for you? If 

[00:34:11] Colette Brown: my underlying message always, and it's my favorite quote of a philosopher, know thyself.

[00:34:19] Wendy Behar: Yes. To thine own self, be true. And you know what? That's on the coin. And I actually wrote an article and it said to thine own self, be true. The article. Exactly. Be true to you. Right? Yes. Taking care of yourself. Loving yourself. And you can't be true to you if you're not connected with yourself enough to pause.

[00:34:38] Like we talked about meditate and figure out what's going on. Yes. I love it. Yes. So that's why I love you '

[00:34:45] Colette Brown: cause we think a good minds think alike. . That's right. Wendy, you're an absolute gift. Can you share with us how people can find you? 

[00:34:52] Wendy Behar: Okay, sure. You can go onto my website, which is Wendy Behar, B-E-H-A-R, or behar.com, and you can contact me there.

[00:35:03] I'm on LinkedIn, Instagram. And Facebook and could send me a message. You could ask me a question, anything. I always love helping people 

[00:35:14] Colette Brown: join the group. You're a woman. 

[00:35:16] Wendy Behar: Yes. It's a Wendy's warriors is the name of my group. And maybe I could see you on a Wednesday, the first Wednesday of every month at five, could just come on to zoom.

[00:35:28] The link is there in my, my bio on Instagram and on my page and check out the self care. And that could be your first start to self discovery and the wellness log. So it was a pleasure being here. Thank you. I love you. A bright light yourself. And I hope to see you again, but maybe this time you'll come to Great Neck.

[00:35:51] I can't wait to see you in person. 

[00:35:53] Colette Brown: Yes. Absolutely. Thank you so much, Wendy. And if this meant anything to you, please share it and do the work. Don't be afraid. Show up for yourself, advocate for yourself, and great things will happen. So thank you for listening and everyone until next time, be well. You just finished another episode of Limitless Healing, where we dive into all All things wellness.

[00:36:20] If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world to me. If you would share it with your friends and family together, we can plant seeds of hope that leads to transformation in our lives and the lives of those we love. Let's get healthy together.