Hello beautiful humans!
And welcome back to the Open Up podcast.
In this episode, one of my previous clients, Jonathan Perez interviews me on all things consciousness.
We’re diving into:
Ready to transcend your limitations and step into your power so you can create the deeply fulfilling, wildly expansive life your soul is craving?
Click here to learn more about my signature program, Becoming a Conscious Creator.
Follow me on IG: https://www.instagram.com/kristinalicare/
Connect with Jonathan:
Jonathan Perez is a writer, speaker, coach, and facilitator of transformational experiences. His mission is to awaken the unlimited potential, power, and pure love that exists within all human beings. Find him at www.jonathanperez // www.instagram.com/jonathanperezlife
Hello beautiful humans!
And welcome back to the Open Up podcast.
In this episode, one of my previous clients, Jonathan Perez interviews me on all things consciousness.
We’re diving into:
Ready to transcend your limitations and step into your power so you can create the deeply fulfilling, wildly expansive life your soul is craving?
Click here to learn more about my signature program, Becoming a Conscious Creator.
Follow me on IG: https://www.instagram.com/kristinalicare/
Connect with Jonathan:
Jonathan Perez is a writer, speaker, coach, and facilitator of transformational experiences. His mission is to awaken the unlimited potential, power, and pure love that exists within all human beings. Find him at www.jonathanperez // www.instagram.com/jonathanperezlife
[00:00:00]
Hello, beautiful humans, and welcome back to the Open Up Podcast. it's been a minute. It has been a minute. And I think I said this on a previous intro to one of the episodes in this season, but I apologize for the gap. This year has been a year of massive growth and personal transformation for me behind the scenes, and there has been quite an integration period that has required me to kind of go in and out of these pockets to really process some things to come back more clean, more clear, more connected, and more empowered to share this message with you and to bring serious momentum to this work and to create something even bigger with way more of an impact than I have created thus far.
So thank you for being here. I am so excited to be connecting with you right now. And in today's episode, I'm being interviewed by one of my previous and [00:01:00] very first clients ever, Jonathan Perez on all things consciousness. more specifically on my journey with consciousness and how you can begin to embody it on a daily basis and bring it into every area of your life to create more love, more joy, more peace, and more intentional creations in your physical reality.
So I just got to let you know, this is an incredibly deep episode. filled with so much magic, and I am so excited for you to receive it. And before we jump in, per usual, I want to tell you a little bit about my signature program that I've got going on right now, Becoming a Conscious Creator. You will hear me mention this throughout the episode, so I want to give you a little bit of context and invite you in if you're not already in.
This program is the heart and soul of my work. It is truly and deeply 100 percent like the reason that I came to this planet is to share this information and [00:02:00] spread this message. And in essence, this is a program that teaches you how to transcend your limitations, step into your power, and and consciously create every inch, an ounce of your life on purpose to rise into the powerful being you came here to be so you can create an expansive reality that matches your full potential in every freaking area.
So if you're new to my work, this is the place to jump in. If you've been here for a while and you're looking for a comprehensive step by step guide on how to transform your entire existence, this is where we do that. And if you've been along for the ride like Jonathan since day one, becoming a conscious creator, becoming a conscious creator, becoming a conscious creator.
Okay. You get the vibes, right? And last but not least, if you love and adore what you hear in this episode and you feel called to spread the word by leaving a review and rating this show, I am now offering 200 off of any program, [00:03:00] including Becoming a Conscious Creator, which the link to join is in the show notes, when you DM me with your screenshot.
So if you're someone who loves to help other people and you think this show could support the people that you love and you want to get a juicy discount on one of my programs, you know what to do. All right, loves. That's it for me. Let's get into the episode.
Jonathan: Oh, all right. Kristina, you made it on.
Kristina: I did.
Jonathan: Thank you for being here. I've been really looking forward to diving in with you. Um, so my mind is going to different places of where I want to go with you, but to start it off where I like to begin is if you'll share with folks. How you serve the world in terms of your work.
Kristina: Oh, damn. You're just gonna start off with a , boom, deep type question like that.
Jonathan: Who you be, who are you, the roles you play and how you say, oh my gosh,
Kristina: wow. Uh, . I guess [00:04:00] I'd say, you know, usually when people ask, in like the real world, I'm always like the human answer or the alien answer. And pretty much everyone goes alien.
Kristina: Like they, they're like, I don't wanna know the human stuff. So I feel like I don't have to do the human version here either, but. So it's kind of a new spiel when I, when I talk about what I do, I'd say the essence, since we were talking about, you know, simplifying before we hit record is I help people expand their consciousness and as they expand their consciousness, learn how to embody this level of self awareness in all these different areas of their life to expand them naturally.
Kristina: So my work is really about presence and consciousness and energy, but I also talk about, you know, personal power, self belief, relationship, legacy, work, money, just like D all of the above all the human things.
Jonathan: Yes. Yes. Love it. And that's why I love to ask that question by the way, because I think in the end, once you get to a certain level, if you will, you just have a desire to give and to help [00:05:00] other people.
Jonathan: Right. But the way that we define that is in our own unique way. And so I love to ask that. So yes, yes, received. And we get it. And you, you're an awesome human being who loves helping people is the way I see it.
Kristina: And we'll be a little, uh, self centered if I described it that way, but I appreciate that reflection.
Jonathan: So good. So good. So, uh, and full transparency for those listening, you know, I worked with you like four or five years ago, a long, long time ago. And it was awesome. Full
Kristina: circle moment.
Jonathan: I know. And of course, transformation after transformation. And one of the things I've learned through my personal journey is that there are many, many layers to the path of whatever we want to call it, awakening, moving beyond the ego and layers and layers and layers.
Jonathan: And what I thought would be cool is. To hear your own iteration or your own version of your path in terms of some of the layers you've gone through, some of the things you've worked through and maybe some of the things that perhaps aren't so [00:06:00] apparent from the outside in that you'd want to share. So in short, if you can share a consolidated version of what got you to where you are.
Jonathan: My whole life
Kristina: story. And
Jonathan: some of the key things. Yeah, some of the key things that you would highlight to arrive where you're at now.
Kristina: Hmm. That's such an interesting question because like there's a human answer and then my alien mind wants to be like, but where am I now? I'm just sitting on this bench talking to you.
Kristina: Like I'm not anywhere to tell a story about, but I'll, I'll connect to my human a little deeper to, you know, kind of go with that alien. Um, I don't really have one particular story. of like, this is my awakening journey. And I'd say this is something that people ask me the most in my DMs and my comments and wherever people come in from, like, what was the thing?
Kristina: but I think the common denominator was me realizing that I had a lot of cyclical experiences. You know, certain types of relationships or having a certain amount of money in my bank account all of the time [00:07:00] or, you know, um, the same type of bosses at the same type of jobs, the same limitations. And I started to kind of become curious about like, wait a second, like why, all these things have in common is me and I started going on this quest to really see how it is that I'm showing up in these relationships and dynamics that is co creating these unwanted experiences.
Kristina: And so, it's really been a continual moment to moment journey of looking at that for the past. 10 years, maybe I think a little bit more like I started learning about consciousness in 2011, but I really started looking at myself. I think deeply in this particular way, maybe around 2014. I think before that I was still kind of in the floaty space of like law of attraction and that kind of stuff.
Kristina: And then I started looking at, you know, consciousness. Once I started seeing Hmm, like one of these things [00:08:00] is not like the other and, you know, just kind of doing some basic math to understand how I was co creating the things that were manifesting, that felt really out of alignment with. What I wanted to create and who I wanted to be.
Kristina: So I'd say it's really just again, this moment to moment experience that I still carry with me now of what thoughts am I thinking? How am I feeling? What actions am I taking? And are they in alignment with my true self and consciousness or the conditioning of my mind? And that's really like where my purpose and my heart and soul and work lies.
Jonathan: Love it. Love it. And so, I'm just going to use the terms you're using to bring it into a little bit more of the human side, because I'm very curious. In addition to that, which I love, I believe if I have it correct that you were also, I think you were at Sony, right? And then you, you had an opportunity and then, The things pivoted from there, but you never went back to the corporate world.
Jonathan: Is that right?
Kristina: I was at [00:09:00] Sony and then I started to take this full time and I got a job at Google, but then I left after two weeks because, that's what I had my first 20 K month. And I was like, Oh shoot. Like I unlocked something here. I can't go back to this corporate world.
Kristina: Yeah. So Sony was right before Google.
Jonathan: Something was there. And so from that perspective, I'm curious. and just relating to maybe people because what a lot, a lot of what I like to tell people, I'm like, look, it's, it doesn't mean you have to leave your corporate job, right? Like first and foremost, I think there's sometimes that thought because someone else did it, then it means they should too.
Jonathan: And so maybe you can speak a bit to what was the, the shift or the awakening or the pivot that you had internally that allowed you to. or follow that path of leaving that world, if you will.
Kristina: I think it was just that I intended to align with 20, 000 months and I made it in 10 days. And you were a part of that actually, [00:10:00] your payment.
Kristina: Yeah, I know. That's why I was telling a really full circle moment and story. I know how cool. and so I made that in 10 days and I had that realization of like, Oh, I deeply understand energy and I You know, didn't fall into that experience. I intentionally created it and it felt like not only could I not go back to that job because I just made what I would have made there in like the four months that I was supposed to be there for the contract in 10 days, whatever it was, but there was something deeper of an awareness of, intentionality and power in, in shaping the experiences in a particular way that just felt Sort of like I couldn't go back even if I wanted to I actually couldn't because the energy was just moving So powerfully in this direction now
Jonathan: Right.
Jonathan: Yeah. And is that something, if you had to lay it in the most simplest form, well, let me ask you this. How would you describe that? So, for example, if you have a client that you're working with and they're [00:11:00] navigating that, how would you help them understand what's happening for them internally as they navigate some, something like that of making a choice, like what's the right way?
Jonathan: What's the wrong way? How do I know what the right choice is?
Kristina: I don't think there is a right or wrong choice, it's just like, where's the energy going? You know, like for me, it felt very much like I just couldn't, I couldn't even picture myself working at an office job after that moment because I felt like I just tapped into something so huge within my own being and I was so excited and it felt terrifying, but it also felt like the right move.
Kristina: But at the same time, I don't think it's like a mental thing, like, okay, leave your job. If you have this much in savings or you have this many followers, or you've been in business this long, it just really is like, does this feel aligned for you? And there are some people who will continue to stay at their jobs and do their businesses and work it in.
Kristina: And that's cool. And that's fine. I just felt. Like it wasn't really a logical decision. It was just fully emotional, heartfelt, like, Oh my gosh, this is crazy. What else could I [00:12:00] create? Kind of thing. and so it just didn't really, like I said, make sense to go back to that. Not just because of the financial experience, but, uh, it just felt like I had outgrown that dynamic and that my work wanted to take me full time now.
Kristina: Like it was like, okay, we're hiring you to run this full time. And it's just kind of, you know, moved me in that direction. So I don't think that it's necessarily, um, like a time based, income based kind of thing. It's just, you know, do you feel more aligned with But, you know, having this as you build that, do you really want to go all in over here?
Kristina: Like where, where does it feel like it's moving for you?
Jonathan: Mm hmm. Mm hmm. So good. And for you, because I'm sure, well, I know that you teach a lot about alignment and what that feels like and tuning into that feeling. how do you know in your body or what's the sensation or what do you, what do you experience for you to know that something is in alignment?
Jonathan: And then a follow up to that is how do you work with that with your clients for them to discover that for [00:13:00] themselves? I
Kristina: think it's more just this feeling similar to like, similar to like, Ooh, let's go watch sunset on the beach. Or, Ooh, what if we got Pink Berry tonight? You know, it's just as light as that.
Kristina: It's, Ooh, what if I quit my job at Google and took my business full time? You know, it's, um, it feels just like an inspired energy. That's just like this way. And I think the thing is that we all have access to that in our body. When. We're clean and clear and connected to the present moment. We can feel, but most of us second, guess, doubt, resist, go into logic, go into fear.
Kristina: Um, and I did have that experience projected onto me in that moment where so many people were like. You're not going to leave a job at Google. Are you kidding me? You just got this two weeks ago. This is a fluke. You, you're not going to make that money again. You don't have a business degree. You're just someone on social media doing stuff.
Kristina: But I knew that I was like, no, it was intentional. Like that. I just drowned all that out and I could feel that's where [00:14:00] I wanted to go. So I do think that we have access to our own inner wisdom and guidance and can feel that just from that pure, desire based energy. Not a desire for a specific thing, but the desire of like, Ooh, what if I did this?
Kristina: But again, most of us are not. Connected to our bodies in the present moment. First of all, to feel that energy, we're just like drowning in our minds. And then the mind also comes in and just kind of sabotages, does all the things. So I think that what I would say, and what I do say to my clients is, is really more of a practice way of living in the body.
Kristina: Just period end of discussion to be in deeper connection with your higher self with your intuition to be sensitive to you know the information and the energy that is constantly coming through you because You probably can feel when your energy is like, let's go to Pinkberry, but you're probably not like no I'm not gonna go to Pinkberry.
Kristina: That's ridiculous. I could never ah, what if I went to Pinkberry?[00:15:00]
Kristina: But When the energy is about something you really care about or maybe have conditioning around or fears about, I think that it's easier for us to not go with that energy out of fear, but I think the more time that you spend in your body and connected to your energy You have a lot of evidence that the more you listen to that and follow that, the, the more interconnected all the experiences are, and you just learn to trust it more, I think.
Jonathan: Love that. Yeah. And the way I relate to that is like the moment I've followed what gives me the most joy. It seems to always have a beautiful outcome.
Kristina: Yeah. I've never
Jonathan: been let down by not doing
Kristina: that. That's a good point. That's a good thing to think of and kind of follow too.
Jonathan: Yeah. And, I've had to discern between joy versus.
Jonathan: Chasing like the chemical feeling of happiness, if you will, right? Like, like a sincere energetic burden of joy versus, Oh, let me eat this or do this or try this too, so I can just [00:16:00] feel good. It's different.
Kristina: Yeah. Oh yeah. Very different.
Jonathan: One of the questions I had for you and this is to get, I don't want, I'm going to use the word philosophical because I'm curious what your perspective is.
Jonathan: Why do you believe we are so sabotaged to not follow the desire or the joy? What's the mechanism internally that's hindering us from following that?
Kristina: Oh, definitely ego. Just the fear of everything Terrified I think really what it comes down to is the fear of pain and essentially kind of like annihilation from the ego's perspective.
Kristina: I have noticed that in looking at my mind over and over and over again, the thing it fears most is pain and being seen as weak or vulnerable or disappointed or hurt. And, there's been a lot of growth for me in realizing that's just kind of how it works and that I can realize like, okay, my [00:17:00] mind has this fear.
Kristina: My mind doesn't want to experience pain. My mind would feel so bad about itself if this scary thing over here happened, but like, I could handle it because at the end of the day, it's all just a thought and a feeling and a story anyway. And so I think there's had to have been a lot of growth in emotional intelligence around my relationship with my mind.
Kristina: So that I don't identify with all of its fears and it's trying to resist pain because That just keeps you so small and in the same exact place. If you're not willing to be vulnerable, you're going to live and lead a very small life because you're going to be looking around at every corner like, ah, what if something I don't like and don't want to happen happens?
Kristina: And it's like, yeah, anything is possible. That's scary. Instead of, Ooh, anything is possible, right? There's a very different perspective from the ego in regards to that, I think.
Jonathan: Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I can attest to that. If you had a definition of what the ego is, how would you define that?
Kristina: I really like Eckhart [00:18:00] Tolle's definition.
Kristina: I don't know if over the years I've kind of like morphed it into some version of my own or if this is actually his, but I think he was the one who kind of laid it out in this way that I really loved, which is like, unconscious identification with thought that creates a false sense of self. So it's like, you know, when you're meditating or doing yoga and thoughts are just flowing through and you're breathing and you're like, no, I'm being in my body.
Kristina: I'm not going along with those thoughts. This is my sacred time, whatever. Those are just thoughts. But when you're maybe not so present and conscious and the thoughts float by, but then they get stuck and you're, you're believing them and becoming them and seeing the present moment through them and feeling in alignment with them, that is the false identity that you're assuming in the moment based on the conditioning of your mind that from my perspective is the ego.
Kristina: So it's really just this, like, untrue version of you that sort of comes alive when you forget that your thoughts are just thoughts and not real and [00:19:00] true and who you are.
Jonathan: So it sounds like what you're saying is if, there's thoughts floating in our consciousness or in our mind, and we're noticing those thoughts and if they're quote unquote, Negative or we're labeling them as negative and then we attach to them or we cling to them that what we call ego like that negative feeling of identifying with the thoughts is like that feeling is what is called ego.
Jonathan: I'm understanding you correctly so like that feeling that's created by identifying with those thoughts. is the ego, but it's not really us because we're observing them in the first place.
Kristina: Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a very trippy concept and I think it, it requires a lot of Continual presence moment to moment day after day to just recognize because it's so slippery and there's a lot of momentum behind our thoughts and we've been identifying with them for like all of our lives, probably the same ones.
Kristina: And so to really start to create space around it and notice that that's just a thought [00:20:00] and I can see it. It's simple, but it, Oh, I mean, it's taken me. Like years and years and years and years to be in relationship to my thoughts where I am now and still sometimes they get Me and I'm like damn it.
Kristina: How'd that one sneak up on me? I didn't even notice like because you really have to stay incredibly conscious and present to be able to feel That there's a shift in your energetic field and oh, there's a thought that you know It's kind of floating by that got stuck somewhere here And usually when that happens, our consciousness goes below the place where we're able to recognize.
Kristina: So we start seeing it, feeling in it, identifying with, you know, that, ego. And then you're kind of like, Oh shoot, I feel awful right now. Why? Oh, cause you're just tripping out in the story. Oh, okay. Totally missed that. Thought it was real.
Jonathan: Oh yeah. Yes, yes, yes. So the thing that stands out in what you're sharing and I can attest from my experience too, is that it, It [00:21:00] does take time from the perspective that I think what's misrepresented from my, my experience, in my opinion, on the online space, it's like.
Jonathan: This idea of everything just happening in an instant that you should have everything resolved. All your stuff is all you should be enlightened in an instant. And I think, well, let me reframe that because I feel like in an instant, you can realize that you can observe your thoughts. Right. But then it's the day to day practice of working with everything else coming into your space.
Jonathan: That is the consistent work. Right. And that's where I think the challenge is. And that's why it's not easy. Like it's a simple concept, but it takes a lot of energy to manage this basis, but it's worth it.
Kristina: Yeah. I mean, it definitely is. And I like how you said that. Like, Awakening is a momentary experience.
Kristina: It just takes one single second to notice, Oh, that's a thought. Ooh, that's an emotional reaction. Ooh, I'm the one experiencing it. But I, I mean, I just think I'll be practicing this work until [00:22:00] the literal second I die. I think it's so cool that Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie just had their like one single moment where then they just like never went back to sleep, but that's not been my experience at all.
Kristina: Um, and I don't even. Like talk about things that way because that 's just not what's true for me, and I think that, The reason I have been able to grow in all of these areas and continuously grow is because I practice this work to the best of my ability on a moment to moment basis. And you know, when my mind kicks my ass and I fall asleep and then I'm like, Oh, and I come back and it does it again.
Kristina: Oh, I'm here again. And you know, that's really where I think the nuance is that, isn't really always talked about because it's not, you know, pretty and shiny and sparkly, like a lot of the things that people like to talk about on the internet. But, um, I dunno, I think that that's really where it's the most beautiful because you're committed to using those moments when you're [00:23:00] not awake to help you come back to being awake.
Kristina: Uh, and so they actually get to be like a little, you know, Liberation angels on the path. I've never said that phrase before. It's so incredibly cheesy, but that's like how it feels. You know, it's like, thank you. You really helped me come back to myself. So it all, it all gets to be a gift from my perspective.
Jonathan: Yes, I love it. And then, the phrase works. I get it. Yeah. And even as you said, like Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie as examples, I would argue that it's not so much that maybe they don't deal with it. I think that to the degree of where they are and to the degree that we're doing our work every single day, it's, it's more so how do you spend less time on consciousness.
Jonathan: And I think that just grows over time through repetition and practice. Like, how did you learn to ride a bike without falling while you practice? So I feel that they're just so damn practiced at this point. Uh, [00:24:00] I think the way it happens for people sometimes is they just get, I mean, same example, some people just get on a bike and they just know how to ride the damn thing.
Jonathan: I don't know. I can't really explain that. So maybe it happened for them in the same way, but to your point for most people, it's a day to day practice of, of catching ourselves when we go unconscious again and again, and again, until you start to notice, wow, that was quite a period of time where I didn't go unconscious.
Jonathan: And then simply by going there, you start to go unconscious. But again, by questioning everything and whatnot, but it is a moment to moment thing. And so I just say that to give all of us grace for when we do go unconscious, that it's, it's normal.
Kristina: Yeah. And I think it's just like, if you're intending to see it, then you get to Give yourself that space and that leeway because it's like, Hey, at least you're looking, you know what I mean?
Kristina: I know I remember when I first started this work. There was a lot of judgment that I had around my process. I was very judgmental towards myself about [00:25:00] how often I got triggered, how many times I fell asleep, how reactive I was, how emotional I was. And then I realized, oh, wait, that's just my mind again.
Kristina: Like it's just, it's, Eckhart has this quote I love that says something about that experience of kind of like, don't be fooled because that's the same voice just coming through the back door. And it's brilliant. I love him so much. And, um, I, so I felt like I kind of dropped that and just decided, like, let me just be more determined within myself to be stronger than my mind, even if it comes up, you know, Like, can I get up a thousand one time?
Kristina: Like,
Jonathan: okay,
Kristina: Because I really wanted to, I don't want to say win, because that's not the right word, but I really wanted to be stronger than it. And I was so determined to do that. Um, and I feel like when I kind of combine those things of like, you're not going to get me, and you're going to get me, but I'm not going to make it mean anything about me, and that I suck, and that I'm a shitty person, and that I'm deeply, whatever.
Kristina: That's when I feel like [00:26:00] it stopped feeling so personal. And then I stopped being so reactive and in a lot of those particular ways, because I just noticed that it wasn't personal. It was just, you know, programming.
Jonathan: Yeah. Overcoming programming is the day to day work. I know, Christina, I don't remember when I heard about it.
Jonathan: Maybe it was on one of your podcasts or on your content, but you at one point shared about your experience. Where a big catalyst, if I remember correctly, and you correct me if I'm wrong, but a big catalyst for you was the journey with your mom.
Kristina: I knew you were going to say that I had felt her energy start popping up and it came through for me.
Kristina: I'm like, yeah, I'm
Jonathan: curious where, how she would share about that as a catalyst. Just because I know a lot of people go through. Deep experiences like that. And it helps their process in a beautiful way. So I'll just leave it there and see what you're willing to share with us about that experience and how that served you.
Kristina: Oh, yeah. Oh, big one. [00:27:00] Um, well, she and I had. It's like my brain wants to say we had a very tumultuous relationship, but the other part of my brain is like, that's not entirely true. We had moments and cycles and seasons of tumultuous dynamics. We had our human stuff together. She had her own human things that I think I took on and that she unconsciously projected onto me as a child that created a lot of like, disconnect.
Kristina: But my whole life I always tried to, like, get right with her and be the love for her and, like, kind of mend the relationship. and then she found out she had cancer very suddenly and went to get surgery. And, uh, that day, actually, I was getting a sandwich at a restaurant. lunch for me and my boss in Pasadena.
Kristina: And this woman came up to me and she said, excuse me, are you about to go out of town? And I was going back to my [00:28:00] college, Homecoming. And, uh, I said, yes, why? And she said, I don't think you should, your mom's going to die. And I was like, what? What? so I didn't go and I freaked out and I went back to the hospital and they, they told us, yeah, she, like the surgery didn't go well and she was dying and she probably had 24 hours.
Kristina: And so it was just this really, um, heartbreaking, awful, terrifying. Deeply traumatic experience, of course, but it was also very illuminating for me because there was so much unresolved, so much human conflict and trauma and tension and pain between the both of us in our relationship and also a lot of love.
Kristina: and she was just like leaving the physical plane and it was so fast and, and it just made me realize like, who cares like about any of it, you know? We hang on to so many things. We make problems. We carry stories. We do just carry all this emotional residue and I think in that moment I was able to see [00:29:00] something else beyond the human aspect and see how small our human experience is and how fleeting it was and It wasn't a permanent shift in consciousness by any means as we were talking about.
Kristina: It's really a moment to moment thing, but It definitely caused me to zoom out a little bit and look at life differently and to really understand that, you know, I was seeing her when she was, when she was dying and I was like, she's just a person. Like, she's not this villain. She wasn't trying to hurt me.
Kristina: She had her own stuff and her own pain and her own unconsciousness. And I could just see in that moment, like, this, uh, bittersweetness and this like empathy for, And sympathy for like all humans in this experience. And it just really opened my heart to, I think, love her beyond just the human self and like for her journey and whatever was created between us because of the pain she experienced and it really kind of just like opened me.
Kristina: So I think death in general has been a really huge teacher just like across the [00:30:00] board, but she definitely like kicked, kicked off that journey for me.
Jonathan: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate that. This was. Well, about 10 years ago now,
Kristina: yeah, 10 years, 10 years in October, how do you know all these numbers and facts?
Kristina: You're like, you were at Sony and then when you and your mom died, I
Jonathan: know more about you than you know.
Kristina: So good. I love it. It's
Jonathan: been a good following your journey. Believe me. So yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. that's beautiful. And I, and I love that you're related to it in that way because. You know, for example, I'm actually reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle now, and a lot of what he allows us to do is, is see beyond the illusion of the whole victimization. And what we do is blame and complain and criticize.
Jonathan: And when there's a moment when you can see beyond that, you start to see the vastness that's available to us here and now. And sometimes Right. For a lot of people like in your, in your share is that it takes the death of someone else to see that. [00:31:00] And if we can find the gift in that and not be victimized by it, then it becomes an extraordinary opportunity to awaken.
Kristina: Hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. I think just, I've always personally been in a non creepy way, like very fascinated by death for that reason. Because It just it puts it all into perspective. my first tattoo actually says memento mori, which is Latin for remember you must die. I didn't even know what it meant when I was in college.
Kristina: My friend had, it was the name of one of her art classes and I was like, let's get that tattooed on my body. And then I was like, wait, what's it mean by the way? And then I was like, cool. But yeah, it's just kind of, for me has always been like the grand perspective of like, what's actually important and what really matters.
Kristina: And I think that the thing is, You know, we all know that we're going to die, but Very few of us live on the brink of the present moment without knowing that it could be in 90 years. Or not for me, cause I'm 34, [00:32:00] but it could be in 60 years. it could also be in 60 seconds and that's not just like, Ooh, well, statistics say you'll probably and it's like, it's that life doesn't work by statistics, you know?
Kristina: And I think that, um, it's really opened me up to just be more connected to this moment. Like this is actually my life. My life isn't someday down the line when this or that happens and my life isn't what happened yesterday or last year. It's. Now, like the, you are my life, Jonathan, you are my whole life right now, here now.
Kristina: Yeah. And it's, and it just makes everything really beautiful when you tune into that, because I think that the way that you relate to the, that moment, this moment from that energy is just so much more expansive when you're in allowance of it and acceptance of it. And you're in oneness with it because it is the only thing.
Kristina: And I don't think that we live there a lot. And I think it's because mostly our mind is so conditioned to. Judge and label and resist and want and worry and need [00:33:00] and have and all of the things and that's just completely like opposite of present moment allowance and oneness Yeah,
Jonathan: I received that and you know, what was coming to my mind as you're sharing that which I love it's that it takes experience for lack of a better word to really understand what you're sharing like you have to Want to experience what you're sharing.
Jonathan: And so eventually it does come because I remember what came to my mind was when I, when I first reached out to you on Instagram, I was like, yo, I'm like going through this and this and that. And you were like, it always stuck with me. It was like, you said, it actually seems like you're okay, dude. Like you just be here or something like that.
Jonathan: I'm like, Oh, what do you mean? And but a few years later, I was like, Oh, yeah, all that stuff happened or whatever. But I'm actually just okay right now in this moment, like, sure, there's still human stuff I got to do and take care of or [00:34:00] whatever. But I'm actually okay. Like, that makes sense now. So the point I'm making is that As you have a sincerity to, to discover what it feels like, what it means that you, I believe our soul will take us through the experiences to find it, to figure out what it actually feels like in our body.
Jonathan: And so through my sincerity, my desire to know, to experience that I was taking to the people, to the knowledge, to the books or whatever, to figure it out. And then you just have the moment of like, Oh, this is it.
Kristina: Yeah. It's, that's a really beautiful point too. You have to have the desire to know like what else exists beyond your suffering and your pain and your patterns and all of this stuff or else it's almost like, I don't know who said this phrase, but I fricking love it.
Kristina: It's like trying to tell a dog that it's a dog. Like if you're not aware that there's something else to be curious of and interested in, then You just live in that same loop. And so I think that that's why I was saying when you were talking about, like, what is my quote unquote awakening story? I always think [00:35:00] about that moment where something just like landed in my brain.
Kristina: And I was like, wait, this is the third blonde haired blue eyed surfer guy that I've dated, who was in love with his ex girlfriend who looked like me, that I reminded him of that I was helping him heal from when I was like doing like math and science in my head being like, what, what, how is that three in a row?
Kristina: Like, it just. And then that kind of opened up to have the desire to see beyond that veil and that illusion and that pattern. Um, and so I think that that does need to happen. There does need to be a desire. And even with, you know, Helping and serving other people that desire has to be there too, because I don't know if you've ever gotten some really awful comments in your comment section, but when those people pop up, sometimes I used to towards the beginning of my journey, like want to help them and explain something.
Kristina: And I've learned over the years, like those, those aren't the people that you serve in the comments. Cause those aren't the people who are really looking and open and desire, if [00:36:00] anything, they're just going to send something that's going to make you feel worse. And. Be like, uh, I'm just trying to help the world.
Kristina: A lot of people got to suck, but you know, to be fair, they don't have the awareness to even have the desire to, to learn and to know about that. And so that really is like absolutely central to the journey, I think for sure.
Jonathan: Yeah. Yeah. I love that you shared that. Yeah. And that's one of the main things. I mean, I remember if I look back to before I started doing whatever we want to call the work.
Jonathan: I didn't really. I was just comfortable chilling, doing what I thought I should do. I didn't really have a desire to go after it. Right. But then once it sparks in you, there's, there's like no choice. And so anyhow, as you, as you're sharing that, it just reminds me for anyone listening that you have to follow the desire, you got to want it and it does.
Jonathan: It takes. Even as I say this, it takes work, but it's not, it doesn't feel like effort or like hard work. It's more of a desire. Like you were saying earlier, you want [00:37:00] to do it. You're reading the books because you want to read it, not because you have to, or because you should.
Kristina: Yeah. And I think too, like once you get a taste of freedom, you're just like, Oh, you just become a junkie.
Kristina: You're just, you're just a fricking addict. Like you're like, give me more of that. That's so good. And you start looking for, you know, all of these ways where you can liberate yourself. And I think that for me, when I say this, people are usually like, uh, I don't know about that, but I am at the place in my life now where I love when things come up and trigger me and create pain for me, because They're just openings, you know, they're just opportunities for me to see where I'm still holding on, where I'm still identifying with my mind, where I'm still creating problems for myself and, you know, I, I just see them all and I'm just like, Oh, thank you because I want to be free, you know?
Kristina: And, the ego contradicts that with every [00:38:00] waking moment and breath. And so I think it really is, again, you have to be in the state of heightened awareness and you have to want to be free more than anything else. Like you can still have desires and pursue things and care about the physical experiences and build things and create stuff like that's all cool, you know, and that's the journey I've been going on this past.
Kristina: Who knows how long the balance of being able to create and care about the things that I'm creating in the physical world without all of that other stuff, without the attachment, the obsession, the needing, the wanting, the self seeking. And I don't think that's really something that is talked about a lot because I don't think a lot of people.
Kristina: Understand that or are living that because so many of us are just so identified with our minds that, you know, in my experience was either being like so obsessed with everything in the world and attached to the world and identified with the world and I am the world and the world is me or So detached from everything.
Kristina: And it wasn't really honoring the fact that like, [00:39:00] I have a human body and I'm here to do things in this lifetime. And so I think there's been like an integration for me of, can I care about things, pursue things, do things, and all of that, just without all of the. Egoic drama and it's it's been a an integration portal.
Kristina: I'll say Yes, I hear you on
Jonathan: that yeah, I've also had to last few years of really arrive at the reality for me What's true for me? Is that our human experience is our spiritual experience and I think that when we begin to Really, again, for lack of better term, master the human animal self that you begin to have a spiritual experience within the human body and then you start to have a great time creating, having fun and loving and having abundance.
Jonathan: That's what we're really working on. But unless you begin to, to your point, be able to work with the triggers, the emotions and the stuff, then you don't really have a level of mastery yet over the animal self. And so therefore, yeah, there's going to be suffering and [00:40:00] pain and whatnot until you begin to work with that.
Kristina: Mm hmm. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Jonathan: Yeah. The other thing that you shared that I wanted to hit on too was, I think you said this, you said you're a freedom junkie. It's like, how do I be more free? Oh, this is here. Let me look at it. Let me take it apart. But, but I love that because it's almost like you have no choice because you just want to, you see something that perhaps is inhibiting a new level of freedom and you want to look at it.
Jonathan: But it's like, what I felt in you sharing that was a level of, Playfulness behind it, like, Oh, well, it's here. Let's look at this.
Kristina: Yeah.
Jonathan: And the, the playfulness I think is something that's required because as soon as we get all serious with the whole path, then we're back in the ego. It has been my experience.
Kristina: Yeah, you know, it's funny because I remember somebody hired me one time and he said that the reason he hired me was because, uh, I don't remember what it was, just a reel I did around the same time I worked with you actually, and he was like, you were [00:41:00] talking about like trauma and triggers and emotions, but you were like smiling and like being light and silly.
Kristina: And he was like, I want to learn from that girl. I think that, you know, there are moments where things are hard and you go through periods of life that Stuff just feels sticky and tough. And there are moments where it doesn't feel so light. Um, but I think I try to remind myself that it doesn't have to be heavy.
Kristina: Like, it can be a lot, but it doesn't have to weigh me down and I don't have to feel bad about myself for having a human moment or a cycle or a season or to be processing or working through things or experiencing things. And I think that allows me to be a little bit lighter within my relationship to that.
Kristina: but you know, I've definitely had moments of my life where it felt like, ah, no, I don't want all this stuff right over here. I was feeling good. I was feeling happy. And then this came along and no, you're ruining it. It's fine. And now I've kind of just realized, like, it's kind of just [00:42:00] like a piece of lint on the screen, you know, you just kind of like, Oh, there's that it's just kind of like covering up the present moment.
Kristina: And it might not feel comfortable all the time to deal with or walk around with. But I think that there's so much growth and being more neutral towards those things, which I think allows the playfulness to come in.
Jonathan: Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And I love the distinction you're making. Yeah, it doesn't mean there isn't things that feel heavy, but I think, yeah, the journey is how can you come back to a place of openness and curiosity and playfulness with that which feels heavy, you'll still experience the heaviness or whatever it is.
Jonathan: But yeah, I don't think I'm going to speak for all of us is that we don't want to sit in the seriousness and be all like, nah, right. So I don't think that's what we want. So if that's not what we want, then how do we work with that and come back to the freedom aspect?
Kristina: Well, I think part of it is. Being willing to go there, but not bringing [00:43:00] the excess negativity.
Kristina: So, my grandmother died last week, and it was oh, Wow, it was one of the most painful 10 day periods of my life. She, she and I had been best friends since, uh, I was literally born, like I would jump out of my mom's arms to be in her arms and when I was old enough to talk, I'd talk about how I just wanted to live with her forever and we called each other all the time and wrote letters and I visited her all the time and we've just, we're close for 34 and a half years and we got the call like same thing with my mom actually, like she's got 24 hours to live.
Kristina: But she didn't die in the 24 hours. So I was like, I gotta go there. And my family was like, well, she's not conscious Christina She's not gonna know that you're there, but I was like, I don't care. Like I need to be there for her I want to support her It would mean a lot to me and I would feel honored to be there in her transition But the thing was I was already in so much pain.
Kristina: Like [00:44:00] I was Ugh, I was a mess. I was crying deep, deep, guttural sobs, like my partner was like picking me up off the floor multiple times a day, like peeling me off, carrying me to bed. And my mind was like, it's just gonna, it's gonna be awful. Like what if you, cause I had to hop on two flights, uh, no direct flight, rent a car, drive there 30 miles.
Kristina: So my brain's What if you do all that and you find out she passed before you get there? What if you get there and she doesn't know you're there and you're just sitting in that chair all day watching her die? What if you get there and she dies when you're there? What if you get there and you leave and she dies after and then you feel like you should still stay?
Kristina: And again, to talk about the pain part, I was noticing, Oh, my mind really does not want to feel pain. It's just trying to protect me. And, I, it took me a full 24 hours to do it, but I was like, I'm doing it. Like I had the flights all up and the Airbnb and all the things that I did not book. And when I did it, I was like, [00:45:00] like, I'm going into the belly of the beast.
Kristina: I'm choosing to put myself in a painful experience that I do not want to be in. That's going to hurt like hell. Because it mattered to me to be there for her because I loved her and so I think that experience for me was so Awakening and to bring back what you're saying about the not wanting to be in it, but like deciding okay I'm gonna sit with it because there's something for me here.
Kristina: You know, I wanted to be there for her But also that opened me up to this incredible process of
Kristina: realizing that I am okay with pain and to consciously do the things I want to do and follow the desire, even if there is something that my mind's like, hold on, that's going to hurt like hell. Ooh, I don't want to feel that way.
Kristina: I didn't want to feel that way, but I was willing to feel it because I knew there was growth there and support for her. And so I think it's like, We don't have to hang out in those spaces, but our ability to say yes to that energy when it comes up and to be with it and to process it and to do what we need to [00:46:00] do when it feels right in relationship with that, I think that is like the secret.
Kristina: So then you don't have to kind of close off to avoid it. Because believe me, when my mind was doing this thing of like, I don't know if I want to go. South Carolina is not my favorite place. The hotels aren't that great. The food sucks. And I'm like, this isn't about that. You're not going on vacation, bitch.
Kristina: Like I knew I saw exactly what it was doing had nothing to do with the food or the, you know, staying arrangements, but that feeling of, ah, any way it goes is going to suck and I'm going to feel bad and it's going to hurt. And I think that. If we can meet the pain, then, and be willing to feel it, then we don't have to resist it in all those other moments.
Kristina: And then we don't hang out in it because we're there to sit with it and process it and let it just do what it needs to until it opens you up.
Jonathan: Yes. Love that. Yeah. And the word that stood out in that story, and thank you for sharing, by the way, is the, [00:47:00] is the willingness, the willingness, because. Again, it's like going back to the way I was framing it.
Jonathan: Like people don't want to sit in the negativity or whatever, but Oftentimes, the way out of it is through it, quite literally. In your example, it's quite literally. And the thing is, yeah, and I think what you're bringing up in my mind is, is this idea of bypassing it. And I see a lot of people don't get to the levels of freedom and joy and passion or whatever they want or desire.
Jonathan: Because they're actually bypassing and avoiding. The pain that perhaps needs to be turned into wisdom in some way or some shape or form. And so therefore you just painted to me at least a beautiful example of how doing the thing that's courageous, that's not easy and saying, fuck it, I'm going to go, I'm going to go in there.
Jonathan: I'm going to do something I feel I have to do. It's a deeper calling like for you, I'm correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you felt it in your soul and your being. Oh yeah. Something was like, yeah, I [00:48:00] will not go. I cannot be in my deathbed knowing that I couldn't be there.
Kristina: Right. Right. And she, and she waited for me.
Kristina: She passed right after I got there. I mean, I got to see her for a little, again, she wasn't conscious, but it was very divine and it was like meant to be. And, and yeah, exactly. There was that feeling. And so again, that's kind of like what you were saying about, going back to Google moment, it's like there was this desire of like, I'm not going to go and I didn't have the resistance in my mind, but it's that same kind of thing where it's like I had did have resistance around going to South Carolina and so it's like the energy is always pulling us where we're meant to go.
Kristina: But usually it's the mind and the ego and the fear of being hurt or pain, that vulnerability that keeps us from doing the thing. And you know, that's true for a lot of things in work and life and business too. I've seen my mind so many times, I have this idea. What if nobody likes it? I want to do this thing.
Kristina: What if nobody buys it? And it's like, damn, man, like it's exhausting. You know? So I do [00:49:00] think that. The willingness is really key. The willingness to sit with it, to experience it, to explore it. And that also is what allows it to in time be lighter because it doesn't feel like something awful is happening to you.
Kristina: You're going in consciously like I'm here with it. And so it doesn't, it doesn't feel so heavy. It hurt like hell. I cried nonstop for days, but there was an opening there and that wouldn't have happened if I didn't follow that energy.
Jonathan: Yeah, yeah, love that. Yeah, bless your grandmother spirit and she waited.
Jonathan: That's that's a whole another
Jonathan: Course she did she was there
Kristina: Yeah, I actually facetimed with her again She wasn't conscious but like I had one of the nurses and I told her I was coming as they said, you know they're that they're hearing is the last thing to go. So I was like, just hang on, just hang on. I'll be down in 12 hours. Please stay there for me.
Kristina: I just want to be there with you.
Jonathan: That's amazing.
Kristina: [00:50:00] Yeah.
Jonathan: That's awesome to hear. Yeah. And it's a beautiful reminder that if you just take it through face value, like, Oh, she's not there. The ego would be like, yep, she's unconscious. Let's stay here. Let's not do anything. But rather there's a deeper knowing beyond what's visible, right?
Jonathan: A deeper knowing that you followed in. Yeah. That's amazing. Such a cool story.
Kristina: It was really beautiful experience. I feel really proud of myself that I pushed beyond that deep fear of the pain. And, you know, I won't lie. It was, It was painful when I got there, too, because I realized that there was some small part of me that was thinking slash hoping that maybe she would kind of snap out of it and be like, Hey, Christina, you're here.
Kristina: What? Oh, my God. Can you pass me my water bottle? But nothing. There was just not. And. You know, it was hard for me to process because I was talking to her and crying to her and there's I was just wasn't getting anything back. But what actually opened the energy [00:51:00] up was when I realized, okay, the grandmother I know isn't here and she's not coming back, but can I?
Kristina: Let go of my own egoic perspective where I was like, I was like mad at her that she wasn't there, you know And it's funny to say so I said to her I'm sorry. I was mad at you that you're dying I give you full permission to die. I'm gonna be here for you Even if you're not here for me Like let me just love you and sing to you and kiss you and be here with you And that was what actually allowed me to be there as a presence In her transition instead of as like an upset, angry granddaughter who was like, Ah, why are you dying on me?
Kristina: I'm so mad. I came all this way and I was hoping you'd wake up. And, you know, so again, there's just so many openings when you choose to go into those experiences consciously. And so I think that's why I get a little excited when I see these portals because they're terrifying. But I'm like, who's on the other side of that.
Jonathan: Right. Right. Yeah. So good. [00:52:00] Yeah. And there's so many layers in terms of, you know, we can get into the whole ethereal aspect of this, but, you know, I believe there's deep unseen healing that's done. I mean, there I've heard another story like in super quick. Or there was a mother who was she was having like panic attacks in the hospital, but she wouldn't die.
Jonathan: She would just she was just in like a coma, but she wouldn't die. And there was something unresolved. And it happened to be that that one of the siblings wasn't there, but the sister was there. And for some reason, she kept like, having the thought, like, I need to call my brother just to be here, And as soon as he arrived, they happened to make up, right? Because they let go of the drama. Kind of what you were saying with your mom story, like, you know, forget the drama. This is what's here. And when they connected, she passed. And so it always reminds me that beyond the scene, there's so much deeper healing that happens on a soul level [00:53:00] that when we just follow that feeling and have the courage to move through it, there's so many beautiful openings available.
Kristina: Yeah. Really is. Damn, we getting into it today.
Jonathan: Yes, yes, yes.
Kristina: Going deep AF. I
Jonathan: love
Kristina: it. It's my favorite. Well, that
Jonathan: was when you had your coaching program. That's what it was called. I think going deep or something like that.
Kristina: It was. Oh, my God. Yes. And I had like a little workbook and it was like pink and teal.
Kristina: And I had some little like yoga graphics.
Jonathan: It was awesome. I still remember the silhouette exercise.
Kristina: Oh, my God. I love that. I need to bring that back. It's really powerful. Yeah. Yeah.
Jonathan: Yeah. It's really good.
Jonathan: So I'm curious. A more tactical question. Obviously you probably, get bombarded with questions in your Your inbox, a bunch of people you work with, clients you work with, and what would you say [00:54:00] if you had to summarize all of it? Well, what is the one thing that you notice people reach out to you consistently asking about that you wish they just understood in a more simple way?
Kristina: Oh, the one thing or
Jonathan: two.
Kristina: Oh, I don't know. I don't know that I could say there's really like one or two because I think people are drawn to me for different things. Like there are some people who Are just like they want to connect on consciousness and spirituality and oneness and other people are like, give me the money codes and other people are like, help me, you know, break through my fears so I can create this thing in my work and with my impact and other people want to know about relationships, but I think there's maybe the better answer I could give is that there's sort of this theme of the lack of understanding about, who you're being is what's creating your experience.
Kristina: Not. Yeah. In such a transactional way where it's like I did this thing and this happened. Oh, who am I being but your level of consciousness is [00:55:00] what allows your experience with the physical world to expand because The way that you relate to the present moment is, you know, the relationship that you have with it.
Kristina: So when you're seeing things consciously instead of through your ego, you're responding to the moment instead of reacting to it. So you're relating to the present moment from a higher frequency and different level of consciousness, which creates a higher level experience. And so I think a lot of people think from a very black and white perspective in terms of like manifesting, you know, how do I manifest money?
Kristina: How do I manifest this business growth? How do I manifest this relationship? And I just think it's an interesting thing because, you know, we're all just doing the best we can with human words. But I think when you think about it in terms of a relationship, it's like, You probably wouldn't be like, how do I manifest my soulmate, but you know, or let's, let's say this even better example.
Kristina: How do I manifest changes in my relationship? It's like, that doesn't even make sense. You don't manifest that you have to shift yourself to show up differently to [00:56:00] that dynamic. So your relationship can grow. Yeah. I'm not going to manifest my partner being kinder to me. I have to work on, you know, whatever.
Kristina: And so it's this understanding of how you are consciously relating to the present moment and how you can continually evolve into a more aligned version of you within your experiences versus like trying to just like attract or manifest things, I would say is kind of like the common theme of the questions.
Kristina: Yeah.
Jonathan: Yeah. Love that. That's so helpful, actually. And I want to reframe that question going forward of what is it, the theme that you see because it makes a lot of sense, but the main thing I'm hearing what you're sharing is, and it makes so much sense to me because I see it so much is this idea of manifestation, just like, Oh, just tell me what to do, what to say, what meditation to put on.
Jonathan: So this thing over here can just go away. But the thing going back to what we were talking about earlier as well, there's like, uh, again, it's like the word effort, [00:57:00] but not like hard work type of effort, like, yo, you have to do stuff in your relationship to make it different. And it also connects to your point of, because to me, as you're saying, like, who are you being also connects to?
Jonathan: Are you showing up with? openness and curiosity and taking responsibility versus blaming and complaining, which has a lot to do with who you're being. And from that place, showing up to the relationship in that way, as you're saying, then over time, it will begin to manifest, but it's not just going to pop out thin air with.
Jonathan: Zero effort. And I think that's where people can potentially get mixed up. It's like, Oh, well, I don't want to do all that shit. Like the communication, the hard conversations, just tell me how to get them to do or be how I want them to be.
Kristina: Well, I think that's why I've, I never really liked the word manifest.
Kristina: I think I just use it or talk about it in that lens because it's a human word that people understand. But from my perspective, I'd much rather just like, say like, let's just [00:58:00] replace the word manifest with create. Like, create to me, manifest feels like this, like, airy fairy, like, what does it actually mean and how do you actually do it kind of thing that just like normal non alien people just roll their eyes like, okay, whatever that is.
Kristina: But create to me feels like I have a say in it, like I'm creating my relationship. With my partner with money with my work, you know who I'm being the thoughts I'm thinking the actions I'm taking how I'm showing up in these relationships is what's creating my experience of them and so I think that the creating aspect really helps me to allow the magic of the energy of the universe to be a thing but to actually live in the embodied relationship that allows that to happen because Things do look like a lot of times for me like they just Fall out of the sky, but it's because who I'm being over and over and over again.
Kristina: I'm taking that action and I'm aligning myself. I'm doing the things even when it looks like nothing's happening, even when it looks, even when nothing, even when, and then boom. But I think a [00:59:00] lot of people don't really understand that connection. And so they are just like writing things in their journal and like thinking thoughts.
Kristina: It's like manifestation isn't magic. It's magical. Whoa. But it's not just like, okay, write this down three, six or nine times. And now you, you have all the things. And honestly, even if it worked like that, I don't think I would be interested because for me, the thing that's magical to me is that as I grow and evolve and expand as being, So does everything in my life.
Kristina: And that for me was the most exciting thing to realize. Um, when I started maybe playing with energy more that first 20 K month of like, whoa, like what did I, what was so different about that experience for me was. I wasn't getting caught in my mind, I wasn't drowning in my emotions, I wasn't judging and labeling things and thinking they were a certain way, I wasn't not taking action because I didn't want to feel bad, I was just doing it and going for it continually and staying open and available and that was very different than how I had [01:00:00] existed in a lot of areas.
Kristina: And so for me it was like, whoa, that's really cool that that's how things work. But the coolest part is Whoa, like look who I unbecame. look how I transcended in these moments and experiences and what happened because of that, not this very transactional, like, okay, just stay open and do the things and then you'll get the stuff like that's not the magic, you know?
Kristina: Yeah.
Jonathan: Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. And you're, you're calling on the, the action piece, the creation piece, right? Because creation inherently, even in the word it holds action, like you, do something to create. It just makes a lot of sense. And then what I'm also hearing you say is in that creation, it really is in alignment with who you're being while you're creating.
Jonathan: And so it makes sense that as you're quote unquote doing or taking actions in the energy being who you want to be, right, that you're going to start to create opportunities and create circumstances [01:01:00] that match who you're being based on the actions that you're taking. And so it all connects at a higher level.
Jonathan: But what I hear you saying too, in that is that people are so focused on the action and the action and the action or the strategy or whatever that they're not really paying attention from what energy they're doing that from. And most of the time it's from lack or scarcity or neediness.
Kristina: yeah, or even just like wanting to get something out of it.
Kristina: I think there's such a different frequency when you're just doing something because That's where the I mean this whole conversation is so cyclical, but like that's where the energy is is pulling you You know, not everything to me has a clear. Here's why I'm doing it. I'm just like Oh, I'm sharing about this right now.
Kristina: Oh, I'm saying this right now. Oh, I'm doing this right now. And there's an interconnectedness that if you follow that energy, things do build and grow. But I think that being in our ego so often, we're just looking at everything very transactional. Like I'm planting the seed, where's the flower? I need this flower to feel good about [01:02:00] myself.
Kristina: And so I'm just doing it to get the flower. Where from my perspective, I'm just like, I'm just planting seeds, and I'm living my life, and I'm dancing along the path, and I'm doing stuff, and I'm like, oh, that flower bloomed, oh, that flower bloomed, oh, cool, a flower. But there's this lightness to it, because you just realize after you practice this work of consciousness again, and again, and again, and again, that what you actually really want is this peace.
Kristina: You already have this. You always have this and it doesn't come from out there, you know, and I, I feel like that's something that I talk about a lot, but I don't think is really understood widely a lot. I had my own journey with that of realizing like nothing I've ever created has ever changed who I am, and That's really beautiful because then you get to realize like it's all for play like you can be light with it Even when things matter to you and you care because ultimately they don't fulfill you or you know, it's not your sense of [01:03:00] self anymore It's not like I lost this game It's kind of just like okay next, you know, and there can be human feelings and there will be but I think when you really Prioritize your level of consciousness and how you're feeling in the moment and your ability to be connected to this moment.
Kristina: Everything else is secondary and so there is kind of a lighter energy that also serves you in being able to create at higher capacities because your sense of self isn't so intricately tied to it.
Jonathan: Mm hmm. Yep. And that's the work. I'm just going through my example is like, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Good. So, as you were sharing to one of the thoughts I had was, maybe you get them sure you get this a lot.
Jonathan: But if you had the person listening or the person stopping you on the street, like Christina, all that's awesome, but where do I start? Like, tell me something I can do tomorrow or start practicing immediately. Where, where would you suggest I begin? And you feel like a sincere [01:04:00] desire from within them, right?
Jonathan: How would you suggest that they begin?
Kristina: I think the most. an incredible place to start is just by realizing how often, if ever you're in the present moment, like to just start paying attention to being here, which kind of inadvertently shows you, I have no idea what here looks like. Cause it's like, what's here?
Kristina: Like most people have no idea what the present moment even is. And so I think that I would say, you know, Practice, like being rooted in this moment, staying present, not letting your thoughts pull you out of your body, not going into the past, not going into the future. And if you feel like that misses you entirely, as it probably will for most people, then it awakens the realization that like, I'm not here, I'm never here.
Kristina: What is here? And then that journey kind of, you know, feeds on itself to then start to be more present. And I think that starts opening up the space.
Jonathan: Yeah, I love it because it's just reminding me of I think the first moment I [01:05:00] experienced what you're describing as presence, I was like, oh my God, I haven't, I didn't know what this felt like until that moment.
Jonathan: So, so yeah, I think, I think what I, what I hear you saying is you'll be surprised how often we're not present and what's available when we are.
Kristina: Yeah, and I think that that's the beautiful thing too is I still remember the first maybe it wasn't the first moment But when I was actively like seeking and searching for a space and a gap between my thoughts I had heard Eckhart talk about the gap between thoughts and I was like where I don't have a single one And so I was really like looking for it to try to create it.
Kristina: Where's the gap? Where's the gap? And the first one that I had I was like, oh And I just like got it in my being like, Oh, I'm not anxious. I'm not depressed. Like, I'm not worried. That's my mind. Like there was just this realization that this tiny space was just like, and that's what I was saying, the junkie part.
Kristina: And then I was like more, I want more. I'm obsessed. I was just like, I can't get [01:06:00] enough now. That's all I want.
Jonathan: Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I don't remember what I first, Heard it, but it's really the examples. Like if you can know, if you can notice the thought, I think it was Joe dispense, it said it one way, but he related to the body or, you know, I was doing a meditation of his and he's, he said this and it always stuck with me.
Jonathan: It's like. Notice your body laying on the ground and if you can notice your body, you must be something other than your body and I was like, and so that kind of stuck with me with thoughts too. I'm like, well, hold on here. If I can, I can notice a thought, then who is observing the thought? Yeah. It's an ethereal concept.
Jonathan: If you really contemplate that, at least in my experience, it, it, it got me somewhere, which is very fascinating.
Kristina: Yeah, I still, I mean, I think about that all the time whenever there's like a disturbance in my mind and I'm feeling something and then I just ask myself, who's feeling upset? Who's feeling jealous?
Kristina: Who's feeling scarcity? And then I immediately realize that it's just like, My mind and then it's like, Oh, okay, like, [01:07:00] let it feel that way then let it see that way, you know, I don't have to go on this whole journey of trying to make it feel better. I'm just like, that's fine. It's just an experience. But until you realize that it is just something outside of you, it doesn't really feel like an experience.
Kristina: It just feels like the truth. And that's where Okay. all that stuff comes in. So yeah, I think being able to realize that there's a subject-object relationship with your mind is really powerful. And that's really, I think, where the journey begins. And that is the work continually like, Oh, that's not me.
Kristina: That's just my mind. Oh, that's just a thought. Oh, that's just a feeling. Oh, that's just a story. Oh, oh, oh, over and over and over again. Yes. Yes.
Jonathan: And it takes energy to do that. So it's a consistent work of art. If you ask me.
Kristina: Yeah. It is definitely
Jonathan: love it. And to close out my closing question is if there's anything that perhaps you want to share with anyone listening to that, you wish they would know as they're embarking on their own path of [01:08:00] transformation or awakening, whatever they want to call it.
Kristina: Ah Hmm. I think I'll just have fun with it. I think it's so interesting to become aware of all of the things that have been trapping you your whole life. , all of the concepts, all of the notions, all of the things you've been believing and identifying with, and just, you know, noticing all of the ways you make pain and problems for yourself.
Kristina: And instead of compounding that as we talked about, into a deeper hardening of your identity, just like. Letting go and how interesting and oh so curious look at me getting triggered over here. Look at me having this reaction over here How interesting how fun how funny and like it just really gets to be comical when you see cuz You're just like, look at all the ways that I judge, label, and resist reality, and decide that I'm the queen of the universe, the king of the universe, things should be this way or else it means this, and I don't like that that person does that, and that's not good over there, and I think when you see it through a comical lens, you're just like, who is this ego?
Kristina: Like, what [01:09:00] is all of this nonsense? And I think it does allow it to be, A little bit lighter and you realize that there's not like an end goal. You're not going to get somewhere and feel like, okay, I'm enlightened. It is just a moment to moment. Am I awake or not? Am I awake or not?
Kristina: Am I awake or not? And I think that when you care more about your awakeness in this moment, instead of thinking like I'm this imperfect person and I need to evolve to a certain place where I'm always awake, then every moment just gets to be a gift. I guess it'd be fun. It does. So good.
Jonathan: So good. Well, that's something I really appreciate about you is bringing the lightheartedness to the whole thing.
Kristina: Hey, we're all going to die anyway. Why not?
Jonathan: Let's have some fun. Let's have some fun. Death,
Kristina: death, death, life, life, life.
Jonathan: So awesome. We went
Kristina: A lot of
Jonathan: places, which was a lot of fun.
Kristina:
Jonathan: Super cool.
Kristina: Yeah. All
Jonathan: right, Krristina. Well, thank you so much for sharing with us and for being so open and willing to share your stories and about your mother and [01:10:00] your grandma.
Jonathan: So beautiful. We appreciate you.
Kristina: Thank you. Thanks for having me. This was so fun.
Jonathan: Yeah. Awesome.