Dadpuzzles
Fatherhood Through the Lens of Public Health and Activism with Dr. Bilqis Williams
What's the 25% rule? How does it promote equality and inclusivity? When esteemed public health expert and human rights activist, Dr. Bilqis Williams, joined us, she shared her wisdom on these intriguing questions and more. We navigated the intersection of public health, activism, and fatherhood, emphasizing the crucial role of prevention in health and the impact of domestic violence. Dr. Williams' profound insights into the importance of policy and advocacy in promoting healthy living are worth tuning in for.
Ever wondered how your cultural experiences shape your fatherhood journey? Our conversation with Dr. Williams took us on a deep exploration of cultural perspectives in fatherhood. We delved into the profound impacts these perspectives can have on global health, the influence of practices like polygamy on family dynamics, and the vital role of policy in everyday life. If you've ever questioned the power of your voice in advocacy, this episode will illuminate how you can be a part of the change.
Are you a dad and ever felt excluded or undervalued? In this episode, we explore fostering inclusivity for all fathers, the challenges they face in practicing what they preach, and the benefits of mentorship. We also addressed the importance of humanitarian service and taking responsibility. Our conversation with Dr. Williams is bound to inspire fathers everywhere to lead healthier, more inclusive, and impactful lives. Tune in for an inspiring journey through fatherhood.
What's the 25% rule? How does it promote equality and inclusivity? When esteemed public health expert and human rights activist, Dr. Bilqis Williams, joined us, she shared her wisdom on these intriguing questions and more. We navigated the intersection of public health, activism, and fatherhood, emphasizing the crucial role of prevention in health and the impact of domestic violence. Dr. Williams' profound insights into the importance of policy and advocacy in promoting healthy living are worth tuning in for.
Ever wondered how your cultural experiences shape your fatherhood journey? Our conversation with Dr. Williams took us on a deep exploration of cultural perspectives in fatherhood. We delved into the profound impacts these perspectives can have on global health, the influence of practices like polygamy on family dynamics, and the vital role of policy in everyday life. If you've ever questioned the power of your voice in advocacy, this episode will illuminate how you can be a part of the change.
Are you a dad and ever felt excluded or undervalued? In this episode, we explore fostering inclusivity for all fathers, the challenges they face in practicing what they preach, and the benefits of mentorship. We also addressed the importance of humanitarian service and taking responsibility. Our conversation with Dr. Williams is bound to inspire fathers everywhere to lead healthier, more inclusive, and impactful lives. Tune in for an inspiring journey through fatherhood.
Welcome to Dad Puzzles Everything Dad. If you're questioning yourself about dad functions, duties and life in general, you've come to the right place. Parenthood can be tough. Learning to juggle caring for your baby with your career and also keeping things fresh with your partner can be a struggle, but we're here to make things easier with helpful tips for making the most of your situation. Being a dad may seem like a puzzle, but it's one you can definitely solve. Now here's your host, Dr Suleiman Ijani.
Speaker 3:Welcome everyone to another episode of the Dad Puzzles podcast. Today we are truly we have a truly remarkable guest with us, dr Bill Kis. William, dr Williams, is an absolute honor to have you on our show.
Speaker 4:Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? People would like to know where you're from and your amazing background. You have quite a background. Thanks so much for really accepting being with us today.
Speaker 4:Thank you and everyone that's listening to us, welcome to today's episode. Yes, my name is Bill Kis Williams. You can say it like a Bill and a kiss, so Bill.
Speaker 4:Kis Williams and I'm Nigerian. I'm also Canadian and I studied in the US for a couple of years. I'm a medical doctor. My specialty is in public health. Environmental and global health is specific. I have a variety of interests, so one of those are being a co-investigator for research studies, chair of a patient partner welcome group of the Ontario Strategy for Patient-Oriented Research. I'm also a director on the Canadian Public Health Association Board. I'm a mentor at the Zeriway and Wazoo Foundation, so this is a foundation that explores, that helps people in Nigeria and other African countries to explore opportunities, especially in graduate studies in the United States. So we mentor them through like the writing, the application, and even pay for the application fees. I'm an advocate in many communities, which has led me to be part of the Health Equity Group in Canada. I also am an angel investor, as some people say I'm best in businesses for marginalized communities and yeah.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Thank you so much. It's truly an honor to have on your show. You have an extensive background in public health, human right activism and you're inspiring Jenny, so we're eager to dive into your background and also see what's the relationship between that and also fatherhood. So are we ready to get started? Awesome, thank you so much. Thank you so with regards to the public health and human rights, so with your background, what do you see? Let's say, the intersection of that and, along with the challenges that I faced, with the fatherhood and also just any opportunities as well.
Speaker 4:So public health affects our lives in every factor or every genre, and I think that people take public health often for granted. It's preventative health at the base of it or at the core of it, and, as we know, prevention is better than cure, and a lot of situations that we see in the hospital they stem from the household. So if you're not seeing someone who's got cancer, then you're seeing someone who's been abused, or you're seeing someone who's just had an accident, and all of these things are they're, they're originate from the home.
Speaker 4:So for example, someone who's got cancer, maybe the setup of the home. So there's no cross ventilation. That's the public health matter. There's no cross ventilation or the air quality is bad, or the food in the country is bad. Maybe the country imports most of your food. There are no regulations, regulations for public health. So these are some of the little things that affect family. And then, for example, with domestic health, domestic violence and the impact that we see in the hospital.
Speaker 4:So if someone's been brought to emergency with a broken socket and all of that, that's something that originates from, like the mental and emotional state of the family. So it really is something that affects every aspect of your life, and that's why I love it. I some people would say, oh, you're a generalist but the family physician sees you when something's already done. I hope that I see you before it is done and. I help you to prevent all of those issues and that's why policy and advocacy and community management and mobilization is really important.
Speaker 3:Oh, thank you so much and wow, prevention is better than cure. You know that's. That term is just. Yeah, it's very important. So what about the issue? About you know this 25% equity rule? I think you've been the driving force behind it, so could you explain what this rule entails and you know, and how it can promote equality and inclusivity in various spheres, including the fatherhood?
Speaker 4:So the 25% rule is based off of Islamic teachings. I've modified the title of that rule several times as the book is in the often so. I've modified it. It used to be like a 10% rule and sometimes I was like is it 30%? And then based off my experiences, I settled on the basics in Islam. So, for example, you know when you're writing a contract the number of witnesses you need to have in the contract, including the person, the debtor and the loaner, so that makes four people right and if you look at that, that's 25% of 100 each one.
Speaker 4:So, translated to recent events and my work in advocacy and the exposure that I now have translates to disability. So one part is disability, one part is ethnicity one part is gender. One part is vulnerable populations, all entrenched in capacity. So this is how I came about the 25% rule, awareness of all of this things so, and it translates into I forget what you had asked me about in terms of you know how that, that inclusivity with yes thank you.
Speaker 4:So awareness of these issues. So you see how I said disability, ethnicity, gender these are all issues and vulnerability or vulnerable populations. These are all issues. They're important in in our climate or in the conversations that we're having now for but a world. So awareness of these issues helps you know when to step in to ensure the safety and future of your family. So yeah, or when to let the bird fly. Really, it's about impact and what factors or considerations you need to put into place to ensure that the impact is optimal oh, I see.
Speaker 3:Fantastic, thank you, so we can dive a little bit into the health, equity and racial justice. So you know, you know your work has been focused on this. So how do these issues relate to fatherhood? And maybe, like what, what steps can father's take to really promote equity and justice within their families and communities?
Speaker 4:so I love this question, so my work is focused. My work in health is steeped in socioeconomic factors and how those are related to work or income and that and how those affect health outcomes. So, and the priorities of a man or a dad and the family or you know, family safety, investment in yourself so that you're able to invest in your family's future.
Speaker 4:So, but there are certain things that people need to know for you to really thrive in this in the family system so investing yourself will include, like therapy, counseling, self-reflection, so boundaries being able to set boundaries and respect boundaries friendships, relationships, your community or the collaborations that you may call them the, the friends that you have so that you avoid self sabotage, because some people will be like, oh, I'm a nice guy.
Speaker 4:You know, my friend, he smokes, he, you know he harasses his staff, but at the core is a nice guy because if they ever need help it's gonna help them. It's really not a bad guy.
Speaker 4:But you know that the things that he's doing, his values, do not align with you and you know, the Eurobuyer say that when there's soap on a leaf and if that soap sits on that leaf for long enough, it becomes the leaf becomes soap as well. So okay, that's, that's the, that's the point right engaging and frolicking with people whose values you do not admire and expect a different outcome.
Speaker 1:That's not gonna happen you know it's not likely um also socioeconomic factors.
Speaker 4:You know money support time these things are really important in the outcomes that you're looking for. So, for example, as I said, the home structure can even affect your health, and that really boils down to income, or social status right if you're not able to provide for your family the kind of life that they should be living, like the number of rooms, which is public health right rooms per person or right for room right the number of windows you should have.
Speaker 4:Right should occur uh you know the location of a kitchen and the house, or if you have a banner you know all of those things are really based on income. You can design the house of your dreams, but if you do not have the financial capacity, you're not going to be able to build that house and so that's really how it affects it. Also, if there's no support and just time because you're really struggling to make ends meet so you're always um taking on extra hours, so there's just not time to relax as a dad and spend time.
Speaker 4:You also need to some downtime right to ground, but there isn't even enough time for yourself right so how are you going to find time for your family? Uh your wife and your children, because also the relationship between you and your spouse is uh, the standard, right.
Speaker 4:So some people will be like, oh, my mom, my dad, beats my mom, uh, but he loves her and he loves us because he used to pay for our school fees. He attended all my um recitals, you know. He was always there and he never divorced. They were married for 40 years, so why is surprised? When she marries someone who's physically assaulted her and then you're like I don't understand, I never hit your mom and that's the thing. Once you know time has passed, it's always a, it's never happened but it's instilled in the child's brain these things don't happen out of thin air, right?
Speaker 4:so even if your child is not the perpetrator, which is usually the case, they're the recipients because they've translated um the presence of violence as you know part of love or part of training because when you hit your, your work spouse.
Speaker 3:You're going to hit your children because if you can hit an adult what is stopping you will prevent you absolutely exactly from hitting a child, and this translates into racial justice the above factors or the the pre-listed factors that I've just mentioned what the?
Speaker 4:marginalize you. Uh, because if you don't have money, support time, so let's say that's something, an incident where to happen. You'll be reft of resources. It puts you at a disadvantage and at the messy of others you're. The likelihood of you becoming a statistic is higher you're either separated from your family, you're either dead or incarcerated right and then you know the the cycle continues, because if you're incarcerated, the policies that exist further marginalize you, you know from being able to make an income, so it's a vicious cycle and then what's the impact on your family?
Speaker 4:uh, but really it starts from you. But I know that people are going to say, oh my god, you know I'm just a result of of the system. That is true. We, especially as black people, know already the impact of like systemic oppression and just the all of the other systemic problems that exist absolutely there are certain things that you can isolate yourself from.
Speaker 4:For example, you know moving with the wrong crowd when you're able to, because sometimes you're just born in the wrong crowd right when you're able to, not, I am volunteering yourself for things or, you know, on irresponsible activities and then you get caught and then you say, oh, it's because I'm this and that, that's why, they're isolating me. That's not the problem.
Speaker 4:Don't don't adopt a laissez faire attitude to your life and don't be unaware, um, because if you're unaware, you're unable to support the things that your children need right for example, the most basic things, children report sheets come home. They're on wholesome comments in these sheets right other kids do the exact same thing because this character is age-assistant. So, for example, even uh, nine months old is bedwetting am I concerned?
Speaker 4:no, but if you don't have community and if you don't speak to other people's, for example, you're the one black kid in in the school right mother doesn't have someone else to compare it to and say oh, she's bedwetting, and nine months should I be worried and then the teacher is putting you know comments in the report sheet, her daycare and saying that she's difficult she's making bad choices right and I'm not joking about these things because I'm a mother myself and you see it, so they would write all those glowing recommendations and then they're just like that one bad word and the thing is, you can disregard it right but in the grand scheme of things, let's say that there was a fight that broke out in school, that one comment is going to do them over, because they would be like they're difficult, they've been said to be, you know, making bad choices, and when your spouse raises it, this is.
Speaker 4:This comes back to family, and let me know if I'm going off point no, no, no.
Speaker 3:This is definitely great points because, honestly, I can relate. You know, I would like to share these, these studies down the road because you know, like any you, you know, you. He explained it to even more because initially the study, I found it was just talking about how, when the child is a product of abuse, they end up actually being abused as well. So this was a good study I found, but I think I did not read maybe the details of it. It was just sound more like a racial thing, but you have provided more background to it. Yes, yes, a lot more context. So, thank you, I truly appreciate that. Please continue, you're not going overboard. Thank you very much. And when?
Speaker 4:your partner raises it, if you don't have a good relationship with them. You know you're abusive or you're not the kind of person that's approachable. You're overthinking it, you're crazy. Right Verbal abuse and then, without acknowledging an opportunity to be curious, or an opportunity to develop.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:Because it's also self-development. You know, it's the way that someone would say oh, if she doesn't want to hug, it's fine, but you're going to be like what's the big deal? And then that child grows up, works in an office and the bus says, oh, coming for an hug, and then he touches her in unpleasant places. But she can't tell you. And you're like why didn't you talk to me first, when you know the issue escalates? Because she remembers, because she remembers.
Speaker 2:She was like what's the big deal?
Speaker 3:It's just in her brain she doesn't even know why she's making this decision.
Speaker 4:But, she knows that you will not support her decision, because now you're talking about it and saying oh, you didn't tell daddy but, she had come to you because it's already instilled in your character.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:You're going to say oh, it's just a hug, right, give your boss a hug. You need this job, don't you? Because you haven't self-developed. It's not going to change in an instant because, even when the situation escalates, and maybe there's been actual assault, penetrating assault, you're still going to say well, where are you wearing?
Speaker 3:And then you end up just victim blaming, which is totally unfair.
Speaker 4:Yes, so you have to be intentional about opportunities to be curious, opportunities to self-improve. And how are you going to have that conversation? You have to have a, you have to self-reflect. Self-reflection is number one At the end of the day you're like oh, I'll do that. My day go. When I came in the house. I was a little sassy.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:I could have handled that better. My insight is 100,. You know, everyone knows that you're a work in progress, so don't say well, take me as I am, you married me. This way, you're renting you. I was like this. She knew that you were like that, but she was hoping. She was hoping that you would develop just as she she self-developed to you know meet your needs.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:All right. So that's why you need the right group around you. You need a mentor, and I love this word, like this whole framework about mentorship, because most of your podcast, I watch your podcast.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 4:Most of your podcast talks about the need for a mentor.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:In the right spaces, right, right. So if you don't have a mentor, who?
Speaker 3:are you going?
Speaker 4:to speak about Speak to about the issues that you're encountering, who's going to give you solid advice?
Speaker 3:because there's advice and there's advice so that you know, like somebody that has been there, what you know like his work to pass Absolutely.
Speaker 4:So that's that then triggers your initiative, initiative in you to self-develop.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:So the approach to that's it. So the approach is really charity begins at home. You know self-interest around yourself with the right people. Be curious and really be intentional about self-development. No one's going to do it for you, and I'm going to sing a song from my language that says yeah. What it means is that I was born well. I was raised in a good home. I have a noble background but I've also self-developed. I've also self-taught. Thank you so now I'm well-declaimed, I'm famous, everyone loves me.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:So the point there was that you were raised right but did you also raise yourself, that's the part that we miss you.
Speaker 2:Things have changed times have changed.
Speaker 4:So what are you doing to improve yourself? Because evidently, let's say, your parents raised you up until high school or university. I hardly have icing the parent that then says, oh so now I have excess money. Would you like to do graduate school? It's usually your choice.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:If they were going to sponsor you, you would have to say oh, dad, I think the next step now is going to graduate school, but I don't have the resources. Are you able to support me? But no one is going to volunteer graduate studies to you. Unless they're so that's what it's about to make your own decision.
Speaker 3:No, no, this is great. No, thank you, because actually those points are really important for us as fathers to take them seriously and also to remember to not be discouraged. That change, like you said, that effect you had long time ago is that going to change in the Right right? So it's going to take some time, but keep developing yourself. And I think one of our guests his name is Tim Story. He's amazing. He was saying that make it end with you, like the problem that in the past that you had all these traumas and such. Make it end with you. Don't replicate what happened to you in the past. Awesome, thank you so much. I truly appreciate that. I think you have provided so much meat into this subject. I appreciate that.
Speaker 4:I'm glad to hear. Thank you.
Speaker 3:Awesome, awesome. So let's talk a little bit about the cultural perspectives in fatherhood. So, as a leader in global health, what insights do you share about the impact of the different cultural perspectives and also how can we learn from these diverse approaches?
Speaker 4:What I love about global health is how it helps you see the influences of different cultures across the globe on norms. So the things that we do now are borrowed from certain climates, universal health precautions, certain things that used to be done in a little country or a little city somewhere. And someone went there and was like, oh, this is great. Remember the story from John Snow. So, just one person washed their hands and he was like, oh my God, this is it? And now we all wash our hands.
Speaker 4:And this became very useful in the epidemic. So sometimes it's the little things, the way that they translate into real life and then they become a global attitude and mix the world a better place. So the approach to fatherhood something to bring global health to fatherhood is different in various climes for following reasons like culture and survival, religious influences and note that I said culture survival and then I said religious influences because, religion is altered in different ways to suit the needs of certain people, stakeholders in the community, but it's stemmed in religion and then they alter it, especially when certain groups of people, vulnerable populations are not educated.
Speaker 4:So, women, children. No one knows anything. It's the clan that knows something or just the dad that's educated and is like in the dictionary in. America this is how to do it. And everyone just follows daddy as opposed to if mommy was educated as well and she's going to be like I understand.
Speaker 4:but you know, this is my perspective and this is my thought and that all of this is really based on communication and comprehension and your openness to change Right. Hardly have I ever had a conversation where I haven't changed my mind leaving that conversation. So it doesn't mean that I changed my values, but it means that I'm able to accept. Oh my God, I could listen to somebody else saying this, because this is another perspective I never thought about and that is really important in advocacy, because you think you've seen it all and then someone's like this is why I keep doing this, and then you take that perspective, put it in your pocket or in your arm, hand and then work with it.
Speaker 4:So you work with that line of thought, especially when you're writing policies. You know that there are differing opinions out there and you tackle it. But if you don't have those conversations or people know that you're never going to change, they're just not going to just know it, so that she can just go away. But if you allow people to engage you, they see that you're more willing and receptive of change and you can actually alter your opinions. Then you have the arsenal of every other person's perspectives.
Speaker 4:You know what's at the table, what's the thoughts of everyone at the table, and you're able to navigate that in negotiating policies and exploring new opportunities for a better world.
Speaker 2:And then you have to back to what I was saying you have to understand why these norms exist.
Speaker 4:What are they rooted in? Is it common sense? Is it necessity? Has any evolution influenced it at all? Is it having the same effects and outcomes. So you're doing the same thing. You're like that's how my dad used to do it and my dad's dad's before him and ready, but seven kids have died because your dad's dad did the same thing. So do you want to kill your kids?
Speaker 3:No Right.
Speaker 4:So is it having the same effect? Is it common sense? Is it necessity, as evolution changed it? These are the questions you need to ask yourself, don't just like that's how everybody do it. Jamal does it.
Speaker 3:So I'm going to do it. I'm the man I should do this.
Speaker 4:Yeah, oh my God, it would be folly if something were to go wrong and you were asked oh so what's the rational for? This decision and you're like everyone does it. It's not going to sound as cool as you think it sounds now that is true.
Speaker 4:When bad things happen right, for example, spanking. Spanking did not even originate in the black community. It was an influence of slavery. And if you still go to African countries right now and this was from a conversation I was having with my mom over the weekend and she was saying that why do people even spank? You know, just punish the child, ask him to face the wall. You know, you have African origin am I correct?
Speaker 3:Right, absolutely.
Speaker 4:Fantastic, isolating people from conversations that are very interesting.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:That happen in African communities or compounds are really like. They're heartbreaking, absolutely. So, you're your favorite aunt come in have some fruit and it was all like yeah but you're like face the wall.
Speaker 3:Right Time out. Oh, my Time out, so time out Origination from Africa.
Speaker 4:So it's time for you to ruminate. Was this really worth it oh my God all those fruits and mangoes are not going to eat any of it Is it really worth it. That allows you, you know, to think. Lots of choice. Right, you know how those cast lots and say everyone draws sticks and then the person who's going to draw this one is going to get the meat first. But if you're serving punishment, you don't get to cast a lot. You don't get a choice, you get the bottom of the pot, whatever.
Speaker 3:I like to hear with us. I think I remember when we were in school. If you're, you know, let's say, you talk like you know, like you make noise or whatever you know. When the ticket is not there, they call you in the front of the class and then you raise your hand up and you know like you call the sky, that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4:Very good.
Speaker 3:It's spanking, but it works Exactly, not spanking at all, exactly. You don't want to stand out when you touch the floor with one finger and you raise the other. Oh, my God, yes.
Speaker 4:And then the wall sitting, which people now say it's exercise, but it used to be punishment in those days, so these are ways in which we used to correct the children and it thought it was efficient and you're still spanking your kids and then you know the effect of spanking now is that you can get child services called and your children taken away or you get arrested. So is it having the same effect? Because some people are like oh, my mom spanked me and that's what I have come on since.
Speaker 3:And God forbid, go ahead, go ahead, please, please go ahead. You know, because I meant to add a little bit, god forbid. Sometimes you might just hit her, him or her, in the wrong place and something you know like federal, happens. What are you going to do? You're going to regret for the rest of your life, you're going to have depression and all these things. So it's not worth it. You're right.
Speaker 4:You're going to regret it. And then, when he starts hitting his wife, he's like my mother used to correct me like that I don't see the big deal, I'm only correcting you with love. So these are the issues. The point is avoid the bandwagon until you're sure it's the concept you really want to attend.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, Absolutely. Thank you so much. This is. You know I love this conversation. It's truly rich and people can take any segment that interests them. This is beautiful. So let's talk a little bit about how do you see the issue about the cultural perspectives in fatherhood, Because you have different cultural perspectives in fatherhood. What do you? I know we have talked about a little bit now the whole spanking that, for instance, where we are from in Africa, there's no spanking. This is beautiful. What are the cultures you think that maybe dads can learn from or maybe change their life going forward?
Speaker 4:For example, polygamy. That's something that has profound effects in the family or cheating because now some people are like oh, I don't want to. I'm going to have one wife. I'm going to have ten side chicks. So the thing is, you, oh and so we're speaking to religious influences now. You're allowed to have one, but you didn't read the whole text, which is that, if you're? Not able to be fair you can only have one. You can only have one right. And also, what are the parameters for? These four wives.
Speaker 4:You have to be wealthy to a certain standard, because for one family you have to have at least five rooms, so we're talking about four mansions here. You can hardly afford a room.
Speaker 3:Right, but you want four wives right, you're not qualified yet.
Speaker 4:yes, Thank you. So you're not deeply rooted in your religion enough to do these things, which is number one. You don't have a will. So let's say you even had four mansions. You didn't write a will because nobody writes a will, or you don't even know that it's about, because you're taking the religion right. Everything's based on the religion. But why are you? Taking half and half. Why are you taking parts of it and not taking parts of it?
Speaker 2:Because if you write a will.
Speaker 4:That means that your kids are catered for your wives are catered to and are you being fair, because that's what really breaks down the family system. She's like oh, he's not paying attention to me and someone's giving it to her at the office. The family starts to break down. You're not spending enough time with the kids so one kid is a true aunt. One kid is excelling. It's cool, you're like. Why can't you be like your brother? But that's the child of your favorite wife, and you spend half of the day there. Right.
Speaker 4:That's why Every child has struggles, because even in single families you might have one child, but that one child it's going to be a struggle to raise. Right, if you were so focused, you'd be able to explore the opportunity and that's it. It's like I never get my parents' problems. Why is your problematic? How about if this child is struggling with mental health issues, but you don't have the time because you're chasing other things?
Speaker 4:right, absolutely, you're going to see on your family as a dad Right I'll bring you back to religion again, since that's where we want to go with this right Is that you will first be asked about yourself when you account to God, and then about your family, and your family includes your wife and your children. And the professor says the best amongst you is the best to his wife. So, start from there. Why don't you focus on the important things and live there sooner and do the actual, like obligatory acts?
Speaker 3:But if you don't mind, that right, if you don't mind, I'll let you repeat that statement. I think it's a beautiful statement.
Speaker 4:You know that the best man among yes, the best of you is the best to his wife.
Speaker 3:See wow.
Speaker 4:The best among you is the best to his wife, so that's it Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 4:Thank you. So these are the issues. So there are other cultural things too. So, as I said, you know, avoid that bandwagon unless it's the concert you really want to go to. So there's other things, like the way that has thousand made you know, some people will be like oh so you can't wear locks, you can't. Do you know why he can't?
Speaker 2:wear locks?
Speaker 4:Is it because he predisposes him to like police brutality or whatever. And are you just commanding him or are you asking questions with this kids? So questioning is a way of teaching, right? You don't just say this is how it's going to be, and that's it and that's final. Are you questioning them so? Have you thought about this decision? Do you know all the effects that it could have? Are you willing? So, if this situation arises, have you learned skills to help you navigate that situation successfully?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:Are you having conversations with children? Are you negotiating? So I'll bring this back to when I was a kid. So I have many dads. So when I say I have many dads, I have a lot of males that have been in places in my life. So one of them is Mr Vincent in Wajako and he took me to a client's house. So he's an electrical engineer. So he does like electrical fittings and everything. So like construction from the ground up, refurbishing and everything, took me to the client's house.
Speaker 4:That kind then happened to be an older, or like a previous principle of my boarding school of her department college and when I got there, she had a library, she was well read, she had a family, she was successful. She was most important to me is that she was empathetic and respectful. At this time I think I was a GS3. Like I was a nobody, she could have been like oh hi and just walked away.
Speaker 4:But, she engaged me in conversation like I was a Nobel laurel or something and that stuck with me. Number one. It stuck with me in that this, my dad, respects this woman, so he respects women, so it's going to respect me and it's going to respect my opinion.
Speaker 4:The person that he respects, respects me, so he must have said something to this woman that makes me so valuable that she's giving me attention. So these are the impacts. So you're a man but you're misogynistic, and then you expect your kid to be like oh my God, hi flying. It's not going to happen. It's not going to because you're going to bring your misogynoir home. You don't know it, but it drops off on you. It's like an environmental health and you work in the mining industry. You bring some of that gold dust home.
Speaker 4:It's just in you, it's just on your body. So you just spread around. The second influence is another dad. My dad, Mr Raji, is the father of plenty action, but not much talk. It doesn't talk a lot.
Speaker 4:It just goes straight to like action, action, action. So sometimes some people would say, oh, women are so emotional, they talk a lot. You're not going to find that I react a lot. That's because I have a role model that's already shown me. I don't think we've ever had this conversation with my dad and I where he's like, oh, you don't need to talk too much, just do what you need to do. He just does it. And because I see that I always go back to the drawing board and say, okay, so how can I make this situation better? I have option one, two, three.
Speaker 4:At these options I'm willing to take. What is the effect and then, I'll start doing something about it.
Speaker 2:Nice. And while still talking, because just actions is a woman's strength right.
Speaker 4:But now I'm talking with facts and with points. I'm not just whining. So my other dad, my uncle, actually is Musajimo. He taught me literacy so he would read books and everything Um ratings. So I remember when I was younger they would say, oh, you can't read James Adley Chase books until 2013. And I'm like, what's in this book? When I met you, you read it.
Speaker 4:I saw that it wasn't like the thing that they but they made me understand that there are certain books you can't read at certain ages because, you just don't have the mental capacity to translate the things in it and the effects of it, and whether you should be inculcating the characters that are, you know, exemplified in that book. So something as small as reading a book. I already knew that there were boundaries, so it taught me literacy, intellectual conversations, advocacy. As an eight year old, I advocated for equal meat in my house. I don't know if anyone understands, but the dads always gets like gets more meat and you guys get whatever is oh, my goodness yeah.
Speaker 4:But I was like I help my mom in cooking, I go to the market. I deserve it, this meals. Why am I getting like a small piece of meat? It's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:I need to get equal meat.
Speaker 4:And even I'm a growing child, I need money. So every time I see my uncle he says growing child, I like you. I was able to advocate for myself and they listened. So when I'm in public spaces now as a director, as an advocate, as chair, people like, oh my God, you're so confident. It's not because my confidence doesn't come from thing, came from extra meat, but no.
Speaker 3:No, but that that's really important though. I mean, you know, I'm glad you is something small, but it's a. It makes people actually question their culture sometimes, exactly.
Speaker 4:So if I was able to engage my uncle and this is my mom's older brother, it's like someone like even close in age to me and he's by is far older than my mom. So, there's respect. He's. The is the old, like is the oldest person in my family now. So that's what I'm talking about. How you know old and how revered it is, but he allowed me to understand that my work, my voice is important.
Speaker 4:I shouldn't vote for myself because no one else is going to do it, and I should ask for what I need and not cover to the culture. You know, this is the norm, and just let it be. You have to speak up, and this is this has translated into my life's work, as you now see. I just talk about everything. I cannot be silent.
Speaker 3:This is very good. This is very good. I think you inspire us as fathers. We have to remember other people. Can I be self-centered? You know? And you know because sometimes they say you, you might think about yourself more like oh yeah, I need to go to the gym, I need to do, I need to to eat. Well, I need to do this and that, but that's great. However, you also have members in your family. You have also priorities in them. So share that. Like, if you know, you know if it costs. Maybe a bike for the kid is is, maybe is 200 and your bike is 600. Maybe negotiate that and buy two bikes so that you all participate in sports and everything else. So thank you for the reminder. This is a great reminder. Thank you so much.
Speaker 4:Thank you, I appreciate it. And last but not, least is that all these three people taught me how to handle failure. So it's always that, oh, you're so right, you're a great kid, but when it came to time to go into the university, you know it's an application system. You're the best in your community, your community, but once you go into the big world, it's like you have more like dogged and everything, and you have to bring a lot more to the table Right. And they taught me how to handle my first failure.
Speaker 4:So it was like I'm great, everyone thinks I'm bright, I'm the best student. I've got like seven days and 377. You know, they should just give me this admission. And that's when all three were like this is why you're not getting the admission. This is what you need to explore to get that admission. This is what you need to do and this is what you need to show, and when you get there, you need to be cutthroat. It's no longer your primary school, where everyone loves you.
Speaker 4:Nobody gives a damn. Now you have to show your skills and extend beyond yourself. Show the secret to Resolving failure, or the secret success right extending beyond yourself. Many people don't know that the reason you keep failing is because you only think about yourself.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 4:They're like oh my god, I failed this. Oh my god. Have to make money, but you're not thinking beyond yourself. And the reason you need to think beyond yourself is if you see other people's problems, you are extending yourself and so you're able to create a solution. But if you only focus on yourself, it's only your problems and nobody cares about your problems. Your problems are not the world's problems. Right the most important people are the people that are serving problems on a large scale in their community in their country in the globe, but you don't even care.
Speaker 4:You don't even watch the news. You don't care about other people's problems, and so you don't solve their problems, and so no one gives a hoot about you too. So you have to extend beyond yourself.
Speaker 3:Thank you, wow. No comments. This is excellent, thank you. Thank you what you know. What do you think in terms of the? You know like I'll jump a little bit into into your work with the Canadian Public Health? You know, like Association Board, you know, have you encountered any policies there or initiatives that have a direct influence on the fatherhood or family dynamics? You know, do you have any examples or so?
Speaker 4:I'll try not to speak to my specific role. Thank you, absolutely, absolutely right, I'll say that policies affect everything around us and yet it is the most ignored thing or part of our lives. You know, strategy creation language, like the way that public health language in is done. So you remember, before it used to be men, women, but now it's like everyone, folks. This way that you address people now to be more inclusive right Even doors when you go to a store.
Speaker 4:It used to be that if you can't open the door by, you have to have disability access right.
Speaker 4:Accommodations need to be made, so policies have evolved to help make lives better but, don't know that policies affect your everyday life, the way that you invest, the things that you can do for your child. So, for example, you can't even in some countries you can't just give your inheritance to your child, because then they'll have to pay inheritance tax and sometimes they lose that property because of these policies. Right, and because you only concern yourself with your problems. You never engage in advocacy. You're like I don't want you doing anything, you know, just put your head down, don't speak about anything. And do you know the power of men?
Speaker 4:Once a man say something, people are listening. Women, we have to band together. We have to, you know, use our voices. We have to show that we have capacity, even though everyone knows you have capacity. You can be doctor, doctor, doctor, 17 times PhD. With you know, a graduate degree from space. No one's gonna listen to you unless a man comes and says oh, I agree with you, dr Williams, now everyone's listening. Right, so you have the power, but you don't.
Speaker 4:You bring taught to focus on self Just put your head down to the work and focus on self. So because you're focusing on self, you're not a work advocating, you're not participating. And so those policies, they don't affect you, but they're going to affect your household, they're going to affect your family.
Speaker 2:I make life difficult for you in the end.
Speaker 4:So strategy creation, language, accountability measures, right the policies at work. They don't make you accountable. And so when your spouse is asking you also, darling, I know that we have such a certain amount in the account Can I ask why we're missing 10,000? I'm like are you asking me questions? No one asked me questions, but if at the office everyone's asking you, why? Right mr John, doctor, johnny, why? When your five-year-old ask you, daddy, why you're.
Speaker 4:Because of you but, if no one's ever asked you a question, and your father and say Bless me that I said five years daddy, why? You're like what do you see? What? How you're training your kids. They're so rude and pertinent, you know, because no one asks you why policies affect your everyday life. Right, and thank God for those policies. That says you can't hit that child, otherwise you would hit that child and that child could, just you know, could. Could have a good asking or a terrible outcome from that. Even the grants that you're given you know, certain policies affect certain grants for certain populations.
Speaker 4:Before now they were vulnerable populations, marginalized populations, indigenous communities that were clamoring for, like basic health needs, water, my outland, like you can't take our land, our children, you know land, water it's like oh, we found it. Anyone can leave claim today, but this children they bore from their bodies and you're taking them, but nobody's gonna speak up. And If you don't speak up, the policies don't change. Until someone started speaking up, people start speaking up, others started Supporting them. It doesn't have to be you, it doesn't have to be your community. Put your voice behind that and then see how those policies eventually come around to affect you and improve the outcomes of your family and, adventedly, your own life. Also, policies affect vocational training, mental health support, the support system, the supports that are available to you, resources that are available to you, and those outcomes are directly felt in the home.
Speaker 3:Oh, Awesome, thank you. So this this is actually quite opposite of what I've been told. Like I'm one of those people that were told Put your head down and just focus on your stuff, stay away from politics. This is what really the main teaching of my dad. Like he used to say, politics is a dirty game, but but I think this is maybe is the cultural thing for them, because Now you're mentioning how these policies really they can not only affect us, also our families and stuff. So we really need to be, be more outspoken and participate in in policy making.
Speaker 4:And your dad is not wrong. That's a pervasive Thought. In fact, there's evidence to prove that he's right.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm, but then. But then also your point is if you don't participate, though how you're gonna make you know? How are you gonna see that change?
Speaker 4:And that's it, the continuous picking up. So how many people are they're gonna kill?
Speaker 2:and they're gonna kill everyone they're not gonna kill everyone.
Speaker 4:That's because you know there's been assassinations people who wanted to change the communities that we've lived in, we've come from, and but they can't assassinate everyone, and because if you've always committed to your community, comes the time when you can be like, I Need you guys to support me the way that I supported you, and they know that their families are gonna be better for it, because they've felt the impact and they can tell the difference, you can reference that and because you and your family still continue to be in that community, still continue to influence, it's gonna show, if they assassinate you, the next group of people beside you they're doing the same thing Okay, trump assassinating everyone.
Speaker 4:then let's see if that division is gonna be is not gonna be cancelled, and let's see how you're gonna be senator of a division that's not, that no longer exists.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, this is something that I think folks here in the, in the US, in Canada, maybe will not sense it, but it's something that is live in Africa. You know as well, you know. So we hope it gets better. You know, as you can see on the news, you know things are just there's a trouble just going on. But so let's talk a little bit I know you, you know like you cannot spoke of it a little bit about the marginalized populations, how you're. You know like you're involved as a philanthropist. So can you, you know, can you speak a little bit about how the business is or just involvement in that helps families and you know, you know, you know and fathers.
Speaker 4:Thank you. So for some people the philanthropy only includes money or support, but for me, philanthropy starts from, like my descent, disagree with something, speaking up about it, drawing attention to it. So writing Petitions, you know, just writing an email sometimes is not even a petition, because, you know, once you're in public spaces you start getting this Connections with like policy makers, decision makers, and you can influence their thoughts by providing alternate perspectives and say this is why I brought this to your attention, this, this and this in order to avoid corruption in the land we can.
Speaker 4:Try this alternate approach and then see how it goes, and I'm happy to say that in my lifetime I've seen things change, even like when you're feeling surveys now the way that you say race, that's a black, african black, canadian black. Those are things that I influenced in my lifetime, like under five years. So sometimes you think, oh, it's never gonna change, it's impossible. But people see reason because we're not robots, right.
Speaker 4:People have been thinking this things too. They just needed someone else to sit and be like. So that's where my philanthropy starts from. So before I've worked in the past, I've worked as a national addiction coordinator for indigenous communities in Canada and in that work I was able to advocate for a multi-year grant for 52 and a win.
Speaker 4:So that's like 52 communities where they're like now, giving resources to help rebuild mental health structures, so that there's that support in place in the community by the community. Thank you For that. So that's one arm of philanthropy. You can extend yourself beyond your work, right. And then the other arm is like just providing the actual resources. So as you know, many people build water wells at home.
Speaker 3:So I support like.
Speaker 4:Those projects initiatives like that. And then there was one time I got in the paper for that I was like to not tell anyone, but somehow somebody cut with of it and it got in the papers when, I did like mobilization resources of bicycles for people in a remote Community, it used to be that they would work six hours to school these are like kids in junior high school and I know that if I was two hours, I would not be listening to anything that.
Speaker 3:I had inside yeah.
Speaker 4:We're able to provide those resources and now those kids are able to go to school. But not only that. Those bicycles don't like follow on the weekend.
Speaker 4:The community is able to transport their goods To the city or to the town to to apply their trade. So that's really useful and that's also because I listen to someone. So there's someone. Yet today they say, look that she goes into communities and really especially works mainly in period poverty and like providing Alternate or the reusable parts to communities and girls. But I was able to go off of her initiative, so it's not like I have an NGO that does this.
Speaker 4:I just like see people, things that other people are doing, and then I tried to support and I was saying, oh my god, this place that you mentioned. You had to do like six hours for the kids to go back and forth. She was like over here for period poverty, I said, but I noticed that they're not able to go to school. And they were speaking about school and stuff. And do you think we should get a school bus? I should like no, because the village gets flooded when it rains Becomes a problem.
Speaker 3:Yeah exactly.
Speaker 4:Why don't you try bicycles? And she was like who's gonna fill the bus? And so, but but if I just be like I want to provide you bosses and I just give them buses. Right because I was able to consult, listen to other people's. Opinion then better for the community and the community was a part of that conversation. So they told her that they prefer bicycles because they could repair it themselves. There are people who do a pair in the town you know, it's easy.
Speaker 4:They don't need to do anything. They could oil it with like coconut or like other stuff, like Stuff yeah this they could do by themselves. The kids could write it for fun, you could write it for school, the parents could use it for business. This is our ideas. I would never have known. I was raised, unborn in the city. Right don't know anything about. Like I can't even ride a bicycle, so I don't even. I don't even know anything but that's the point of consultation right, Right and advocacy.
Speaker 4:So it stems from there and then what brought me to businesses is what I had first said. My initial Intra is social economic impact Social economic practices and how they impact health outcomes is that, as I said, you know, if you don't have the resources, you can't find the help that you need, or you just don't have the resources.
Speaker 4:You can't find the help that you need or you just don't have the knowledge that you need at your fingertips, so you're making wrong decisions from the get go and things are gonna go already, and then, by the time you come, the concepts already eating dip into the fabric of the family and you know they're gonna require more resources that you don't need.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, wow. Thank you so much. I truly, that's why I believe that You're you're called one of the, the 20%, you know the, the change makers, the true change maker. Truly, this is a. It's a point that I have to really, you know, make sure that it is known. You know like you're called as a true change maker, but not by a person. What's the cup? You know this.
Speaker 4:I think it's the time of Boston University, Boston University School of Public.
Speaker 3:Health, boston University. That's very true. Thank you, I was trying to go back to that information. You see, and this is true for information like this, I think you inspire us to really think beyond ourselves and also to consult. Like you mentioned, this, this, you know, this particular example, and this is just one community. There are so many communities in the world, you know, you know, you know like, even in the communities that we leave here in the US or Canada, we can imply that anywhere, really. So thank you so much for this inspiration.
Speaker 4:Thank you so much and definitely do it everywhere that you are.
Speaker 2:And I think.
Speaker 4:That's why you know I'm giving all these roles. For example, when I was a graduate student in Boston made some change. I was able to influence some changes. So, before it used to be that students didn't have access. International students didn't have access to information.
Speaker 4:So you got there and then you didn't realize I didn't have access to this. I have to rent a home. You know it cost me such and such. So now we have the orientation page for Boston University School of Public Health, and that's something I helped create. Also, I was a student administrator there. I was part of the governing council and there were a lot of things that changed.
Speaker 4:I was also instrumental in removing, like the test scores, so the GT I forget what it's called now the one where you have scored like a certain thing in four Katers to get like a score of around 300, I think is GSE. I could get GEC or something. So now that's not a requirement for Boston University at all, so you can come to school without a GSE score.
Speaker 4:just write a support your letter of purpose like your transcript, and all of that and your community impact is something that we really look at right because you're coming for public health you need to already have that disposition so change the world wherever you are. It doesn't have to be like I don't come from here but you leave there.
Speaker 3:Right, right, speak up Absolutely. Wow, thank you so much. Thank you. So let's talk a little bit about, you know, fostering inclusivity. So, as someone that is informed in diversity and sensitivity policies, how can we foster the environment where all fathers feel valued? You know, just giving their different backgrounds and you know how do you comment on that.
Speaker 4:Big question Sorry.
Speaker 2:Sorry.
Speaker 4:For fathers to feel valued. It's a big thing. It starts from the family, but also starts from the community. As we know, fathers have not been supported in the ways that they need to be for a long time. So, as part of the community your community, our community we have to provide the support systems that you know fathers are going to need to thrive. So, like that mentorship that I was speaking about right.
Speaker 4:Usually people don't want to walk up to you and say can you be my mentor? Because there's so many things that you could be mentoring someone on.
Speaker 2:Is it?
Speaker 4:academics. Is it real life Right? And they're scared, you know to them Vulnerability is an issue as well. And then you have your group of friends. You're like this guy. He's just got our prison. He smokes. I don't want to be you know relating with him, you know as. I was saying about. You know the kind of company you keep but, there's six of you and you decide that we're going to mentor this person that's just been let out of the.
Speaker 4:You know the girl the system, exactly system, and we're going to support him with resources, direct him to training and support him to get employment in one of our businesses. I don't think one person's going to influence on six of you.
Speaker 2:Right, right.
Speaker 4:But it's more likely that the six of you are going to influence him. Right, absolutely, because he looks up to you is probably employed by you. He needs to be straight.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 4:So he's going to you know euk into your calls and hopefully all six of you. I leave it by example. Absolutely You're walking to talk and you're just oh, don't beat your wife. And next thing you're like why are you? Calling me Right, so you got to work the talk, so you have to be a role model. That's one Okay Walk the talk and then decide, be intentional about changing things, so you can't sit back and say so.
Speaker 4:For example, in our families there's so many men that have mental health issues, but we just say, oh, that uncle of mine is always like that, but now you, you know better, Dr Danny you know that or he suffered such and such stronger as a child.
Speaker 4:So you can, you can provide those resources and say that I'm going to pay for one year session. If you do that, I can buy you a bike or something for your business. So you incentivize him, you provide the resource, the mental health resource, for him to be able to attend those sessions. Okay, and when he comes back, even if it was one thing that changed about him, you've made his family's life better.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 4:Or he can focus more. He has more tools to self-regulate, so he can focus more. He doesn't have to visit that power. And he can focus more in his business and, you know, lift some burden off of the family. So that's, one thing, but usually when we are talking about philanthropy or doing better or mentorship, we always think outside of our family. But charity begins at home. Absolutely Charity begins at home, because you're going to have a wedding party and going to invite all your Dr Friends and your drunk uncle is going to be there.
Speaker 3:Right Then, yeah, everything is out and open.
Speaker 4:Yes, and the one day you have too much to drink, they're going to be all it runs in his jeans Do you remember at the party and you said that on yourself because you didn't extend those resources to your family, because people don't know that you can now talk to a therapist because it didn't exist in their time. But you know better. You can extend these resources, you can share this knowledge and help.
Speaker 3:Thank you, Thank you. I think this is a good motivation for us fathers to look at ourselves and, you know, maybe just consult with someone. Sometimes you might think I don't have any problems, but I think it's just good to have those initial talks with.
Speaker 4:Well, even when you don't have problems, every decision that you make you must consult. So I'm going to quote the. Quran, absolutely yes, sure, if you listen to the podcast and you need to write the following you don't have to be a Muslim or anything. You just have to be a sick of knowledge because, you should seek knowledge everywhere, even if it was to the ends of the earth. Right Quran, chapter two masses 282. No, I'm talking about consultation now. So like talking to someone before you make a decision, decision making.
Speaker 2:So um Quran three verses 159,.
Speaker 4:Quran 27, verse 32, 33, okay, 42, chapter 42, verse 38, okay. For vast 58 to 135, thank you. Five, that's eight.
Speaker 3:I will be sharing those.
Speaker 4:I'll be sharing those, those verses, thank you, thank you so make sure you read those and then you can explore there's more about those consult even if you wanted to buy a pen Right. Right Consultation is part of, and that's something in the Quran. I'm not talking about like scholars or whatever. It's in the Quran, god says if you wanted to make a decision. Consult like ask questions, because you don't know everything. It doesn't have to be a problem. In fact, it can be something that, for example, and I always wonder- you know, everyone says, oh, when I want to make a decision.
Speaker 4:If you're going to do a business, you go for training courses.
Speaker 2:You're going to speak to someone.
Speaker 4:you're going to go to open houses just to learn about the business, but the most important thing in your life, your family, the decisions that are going to affect you as you grow older, in your present and your future right. You adopted laissez faire attitude. It's just going to be like I'm going to winger.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:Are you not entertained by your thought?
Speaker 3:of it. No, this I know that's true, it's, it's, it's something you know it's uh seriously, you need to consult.
Speaker 4:So consult when you're making like decisions, important decisions in between decisions and this consultation can be from inside the house. Your your, your wife. You're like oh, I'd like to do this, I'd like to take the kids, for I want them to learn how to play chess. Do you think it's a great idea? And she I don't think. Chess is the problem here. She can't even spell.
Speaker 4:Through discussions you you're not at home. You don't know this thing. And I'm not saying that you should be at home, that's not. Do you remember when you asked me what should the dad folk like do in the family? In public health like security, uh provisions and stuff. So that focus on your stuff. And that's why you need the insight. Do you see? Why the need for that consultation?
Speaker 3:is relevant, absolutely she's there.
Speaker 4:She knows what the struggles are, you know she will tell you oh, I don't think the problem is maths, the problem is spelling. Maybe we should invest in those books.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 4:And the book books, and then they can learn how to spell Right. That's one thing, otherwise you're investing in in something with no pushback or no, no interest.
Speaker 3:You have mentioned something very important that we're not really trying to make you that to be like a stay home mom or something like that. No, you, you focus on your duty, of course, but also just in addition to that, just maybe you know, like consult with your wife or course of the kids when you have the time with them, Because if you're going to make a decision in your company.
Speaker 4:You're going to call the marketing manager, right. You don't care what what he's going to do you just want him to say, oh, so we're going to use billboards, and you just say, okay, you don't even, you don't even think about it, you're just like that's his job is going to. So you consult in mundane things.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:And I remember one of your guests saying something about mundane affairs.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:Focusing on mundane affairs, right Important things.
Speaker 2:Right, absolutely.
Speaker 4:You focus on the mundane things, but the important things you're not focusing on right and you're not consulting with the child. So mom says you're he's struggling with, or she's struggling with spelling, or he's struggling with spelling, or they're struggling with spelling, and you think, oh, chess is a great idea, but no one's asking this child.
Speaker 3:Mm, hmm. So in the end that is actually good. You fix the issue that is right now going on. You know the reading part, you know let them know how to read and all these things Down the road. Of course, they can still learn the chess.
Speaker 4:Of course they will tell you they want to learn chess because, they're not comfortable enough that they can spell their name in chess class, that they want to go to chess. But if you send them with the spelling problem to chess class, they're going to be mocked. Right Now they're neither going to enjoy English class nor chess class, that's the problem.
Speaker 3:Thank you and if you ask the child.
Speaker 4:Then they know that I can advocate for myself, right. So you remember how I advocated for extra meat? That's because we had a conversation. If there was no conversation, no avenue for conversation, that idea will rot in my mind. So there has to be space for conversation, and I remember this. For example, you were asking me how do you say your name? When.
Speaker 4:I was going off to boarding school, you know, because when you're a child, everyone calls you a nickname. It's like Billy, billy Muppet. You know there's different things, right. And then when I'm going off to boarding school where there's nobody, my mom asked me so do you want your you know native English name? Because you know we always have like a native name and English name or a. Muslim name, and then she's like which one do you want to be? And I said I want my Muslim name. And she was shocked.
Speaker 4:I said no, that's going to be a good idea, because you know you're going to be trolled. You're going to be bullied because you're. Muslim and I was just like I don't care. I think I'm comfortable enough to handle it and you know, what's funny, I'm popular now because of my Muslim name.
Speaker 3:Because it's not the usual name that everybody has.
Speaker 4:Absolutely Thank you so people know, people want, people are curious. When they hear my name, they're like oh. I want to know. So, like she has a different name, I want to know what she does. I want to engage with her, and then that's where that conversation starts. But if no one asked me and they just filled my forms and be like off with the Billy Muppet to school, right, right, right.
Speaker 3:So it's good to be unique, you know, don't, don't be afraid of your, your roots, you know, like, if that's your roots, imagine that I was bullied because of my other names.
Speaker 4:I'll just say oh, my parents made me be at this name, but if I was bullied because of this name out, in fact, I was bullied because of it because some people like oh, you're so raw, You're so cross, you're so local.
Speaker 2:Why are you?
Speaker 4:bearing a Muslim name when everyone's like a Jennifer and a Tony and everything and I'm just like. I like the name and to me I didn't think that I was being like you know, sassy, because my, my seniors would be like you're so sassy.
Speaker 2:I was.
Speaker 4:I was just. I liked the name. It's as simple as that, and I didn't need to explain myself to anyone because I know that I chose it. It was my choice and that's how you build confidence in kids by consulting them.
Speaker 3:Right, right, Thank you. Wow, Thank you so much. So let's talk a little bit. You know we're going to switch gears now we're going to talk a little bit about humanitarian service. So, given the experience in the humanitarian service, what lessons from your work can fathers apply to instill the empathy, compassion or just a sense of responsibility in with their children?
Speaker 4:So a number of things.
Speaker 3:Right right.
Speaker 4:Humanitarian service stemmed from the need to protect humanity. And what are the things that you need to protect humanity from peddling sexual trafficking, child labor, a host of terrible things, right? Unfortunately, my work I've been exposed to so that boils down to the role of the father in home, right.
Speaker 2:Right right.
Speaker 4:You're never home, so your boy quickly becomes a dad, and so he has to fend for the family, and so he's in spaces that he's not supposed to be in, and so that's where, like child labor, starts. You know, influences you know all the bad influences that, then you need humanitarian workers to come and save your child. So, because there's humanitarian service in a number of ways and I know that in your mind.
Speaker 4:you're like, oh my gosh, she's going to dip. So there's like community, like service and stuff, and then there's like real life world problems that stem from the home right and then, there's sexual trafficking where, like, a child doesn't feel loved at home, they don't feel whole. There's daddy issues that people oh my God, she's got daddy. She's got daddy issues because of you, daddy, because you're never there to hold her. You're never there to be beautiful.
Speaker 4:You're never there to give her critical thinking abilities and most people don't know this initiative and critical thinking comes from, from interacting with a father figure, because men are like cut through critical women or more emotional, empathetic, and that's why we do great in the humanitarian service. Because, when all said and done, that's going to be like I sent you to school. I don't get it.
Speaker 2:Why he told out this way.
Speaker 4:I don't care. But mom is like. So the female factor that comes in and like we don't. There's a number of factors why things can go different. You see, where that comes from. So, if you were there and you put your child with those thinking skills, you know if, even if I don't know what's the right response in the situation. I know the techniques, I have the skills to navigate this experience or this situation comfortably, I can also call my daddy, you know which comes to show the girl, like daddy boss, someone's ass, and that's it, that's it, that's it, that 's it, that matter right.
Speaker 4:There's a role model. So it's really you. The humanitarian service as a community service and stuff is also I forget to respond to the last part of it is responsibility, so say for example, the mom says I haven't seen this child. It's been two hours. I sent them to go get some candy for themselves. And I have. But if they call you and you're like I don't know why you're bothered, it's two hours, but if you're able to quickly take responsibility and be like what do you say it was?
Speaker 4:I'm just going to drive down and check and then you can get if, if I call the police and say I can't find my kids for two hours. Oh my God, calm down. Have you called the school? But? If you call the police and say I can't find my kids. They're going to be on it right now.
Speaker 2:Because they know that you've explored all the options Right.
Speaker 4:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Because I'm not going to do that, I'm not exploring any avenues.
Speaker 4:I'm going with my God. My God says this child is not where they need to be or where they're supposed to be. I'm going with my God, but you, you're going with facts.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 4:So that's the difference. You need to take responsibility, but also humanitarian service. What are you doing in your communities? Have you ever helped them to. You know? Lay the pipes, are you involved in environmental cleaning? Do you do the beach cleanups? So you're the one setting the pace. If you're not setting the pace, no one's going to do it.
Speaker 3:Thank you, Thank you so much. So what from so far? Thank you so much for really taking the time to being with us today. And so, with this wealth of knowledge, what are the key takeaways or actionable insights you think that list in our listeners? You want them to gain, particularly fathers from from what we have talked about so far, like the main key points?
Speaker 4:I'm going to say be the change you want to see in the world. One to don't adopt the laissez-faire attitude. Surround yourself with the future that you wish to see.
Speaker 3:Lassez-faire. Can you explain to people, because in the US this is a little.
Speaker 4:You know this is a lack of ethical like I don't care attitude it doesn't concern me, I don't care.
Speaker 4:You know, don't do that. Surround yourself with the future that you wish to see. Be curious for your safety, because if you're curious for your safety, then you're able to extend that to your family and be like oh, I noticed this and this. Be careful when you go around. Surround yourself with the future means like the people you want to see, the space you want to be in, mentors that are going to guide you, people you can consult, so you're making friends with someone, but you can't ask him about problems because you're like that guy is stupid, I'm never going to ask him for it, so why he's friend?
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 4:Care about others, others. Man is not an island. Imagine when Adam and Eve, you know, had that scuffle with God and Adam was just like you're on your own. You know, I'm going to go beg God by myself. He would have come to us for giving, but it would have ended his destiny because there was nobody to procure it with Right and it's just been him. So man is not an island and you contribute to that. So relax with your family. Don't don't go to your friends to relax.
Speaker 2:Relax with your family Right.
Speaker 4:Because, that's how you get to know them. Read, watch TV movies, sitcoms, discussions, Because when you're watching it you know the child that's that needs some help, Because you're watching the.
Speaker 4:TV and the only thing you're like oh my God, that dress is so cool. It's the only comment they make every time. So you, only you know whether it's their interest or they don't. They're not aware of anything else, and then you know where to focus your conversations. Right, so it's. It's an opportunity for you to know what their interests are, but also to know where areas for improvement are. And, lastly, refine yourselves. No one's going to do it for you. Refine yourselves.
Speaker 3:Wow. Thank you so much, Dr Belkis, you know, Williams and for sharing these invaluable insights and experiences with us today and it's been really an enlightening conversation and we truly appreciate your time and expertise and I will make sure that I, I, I write down those beautiful I ads you know. You know that you share about the importance of you know, just seeking help. You know, like, not necessarily help, just advice as well, Like this is fantastic. Thank you so much for doing that and awesome, Awesome.
Speaker 3:Do you have any questions that you think our next guest being a father, what? What questions would you want them to maybe? You know, you know, answer from you as a. You know, I have a question. This is a random question. You think that's they should maybe.
Speaker 4:I said before, you're the gold standard right but. I wanted to ask why is it difficult for men to practice what they preach?
Speaker 3:Thank you, I will test noted and I will be asking any future father guest you know, so we can get their perspective as well. Thank you so much for doing that. So so please, to all our listeners, we hope you found this discussion as enlightening and inspiring as we did, so please stay tuned for more insightful discussions in our coming episodes. Thank you so much.
Speaker 4:Thank you.
Speaker 3:Thank you Awesome.