Dadpuzzles
Journey to Balance: Dr. Shola's Enlightening Talk on Fatherhood, Burnout Prevention, and the Key to a Well-rounded Life
During our enlightening chat, Dr. Shola also shares her expertise on employee wellness and burnout prevention, having been both an employer and a physician. With her guidance, we explore how a balanced lifestyle is fundamental in combating stress and burnout, and the role a well-rounded work environment plays in this. We plunge into the effects of parental leave policies around the globe on employee burnout, demonstrating how these policies can significantly influence workplace wellness.
Towards the end of our discussion, we shed light on the challenges faced by working fathers and the significance of a reliable support system. Dr. Shola emphasizes the role of the community in supporting families, particularly immigrant families who may lack familial support. She stresses the importance of building relationships as a means to find the support needed. Wrapping up, Dr. Shola shares advice on self-care, maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and effectively using resources to stay connected with the family and support system. Don't miss this enlightening discussion - it's sure to leave you with some food for thought.
During our enlightening chat, Dr. Shola also shares her expertise on employee wellness and burnout prevention, having been both an employer and a physician. With her guidance, we explore how a balanced lifestyle is fundamental in combating stress and burnout, and the role a well-rounded work environment plays in this. We plunge into the effects of parental leave policies around the globe on employee burnout, demonstrating how these policies can significantly influence workplace wellness.
Towards the end of our discussion, we shed light on the challenges faced by working fathers and the significance of a reliable support system. Dr. Shola emphasizes the role of the community in supporting families, particularly immigrant families who may lack familial support. She stresses the importance of building relationships as a means to find the support needed. Wrapping up, Dr. Shola shares advice on self-care, maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and effectively using resources to stay connected with the family and support system. Don't miss this enlightening discussion - it's sure to leave you with some food for thought.
Welcome to Dad Puzzles Everything Dad. If you're questioning yourself about dad functions, duties and life in general, you've come to the right place. Parenthood can be tough. Learning to juggle caring for your baby with your career and also keeping things fresh with your partner can be a struggle, but we're here to make things easier with helpful tips for making the most of your situation. Being a dad may seem like a puzzle, but it's one you can definitely solve. Now here's your host, Dr Suleiman Ijani.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to Dad Puzzles. Today we are very fortunate to have a special guest, Dr Shola Ezekoli, who is an internal medicine physician and she's been a clinician for more than 20 years. She's a professional coach, a speaker, an author and the founder and CEO of the Balance with Dr Shola LSE, and also she owns this idea of the physician heal yourself brand. So there's so much that we can learn from her, so we are very happy to have you today.
Speaker 3:Thank you very much. I'm honored to be on your show.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? That way People can be familiar with who you are.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 3:Well, it's a really long story. How much time do you have? My name is Dr Shola Ezekoli. I'm an internist by profession. I'm also a life coach by profession, having been a certified life coach, and we're just kind of talking about that before the show started. I'm also a certified business consultant and certified in organizational leadership.
Speaker 3:So, apart from being a doctor, I have other expertise and, like I said 23 years ago I think, is when I graduated medical school, I worked in, as I worked at practice as a doctor in the United, in Nigeria, in Africa, which is in Africa, in the United Kingdom. I worked in London as a doctor and I also worked in. I currently live and work in Chicago Illinois, the US, where I did my residency. So you know, that's on the medical side. On the coaching side, I became a certified life coach in 2015. I was actually looking at my certificates today and just reflecting on how far I come and I've seen. I've seen coaches come and go. But for me, this is really a passion, a thing of passion when I realized in 2004 what a life coach was and how I could use that to bring even more skills to help people. So I became a life coach in 2015 and I've been coaching ever since and you know, and I've written a few books and the rest is history, as they say.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Thank you so much and I believe I'm one of your subscribers from the beginning with Balanced with Dr Shola. I've been receiving your emails for a long time, so I think I'm one of the, you know, like the initial subscribers.
Speaker 3:Wow, wow.
Speaker 2:See.
Speaker 3:I had no idea until you reached out to me, you know.
Speaker 2:Right right.
Speaker 3:The emails. You just send them out and you hope you're not screaming into the void.
Speaker 2:That is true. That is true and I like I think there was a recent email where you make sure that. Are you truly still interested in my emails? I say, oh yes, of course that's a good plan. I think maybe some people there no longer here or something you know, who knows?
Speaker 3:Yeah yeah, yeah awesome.
Speaker 2:Well, thanks so much for doing this and you're welcome.
Speaker 3:I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 2:Awesome, thank you. So you know, with your impressive background and you know in terms of the wellness initiatives, you know how do you help us as fathers. You know because I know you're helping employees to fight with the burnout and such, but we, as fathers, you know what happened to us?
Speaker 3:Yes, many fathers are employees too. Right, absolutely so. It's the same principles, right? Burnout is a state of chronic, prolonged stress that produces physical, mental and emotional exhaustion and that can happen to anyone Fathers, mothers and you know, I'm going to say that, you know I'm going to hazard a guess and say that, because I haven't seen any studies about it or anything that the impact of burnout on fathers is probably more profound than we think.
Speaker 3:It is, simply because men as a group and again, this is sorry, this is a very broad generalization, so not all men, right, but I'm going to say that men as a group, because of this sort of well, you know, I have to take care of my family, I have to go out, make money and take care of business there's almost a sense of well, it doesn't matter how I feel, I just I just got to do what I got to do.
Speaker 3:And this is the attitude that a lot of men have, and I'm not saying, I'm not saying it's bad or good, I'm just saying that this is something I've observed and sometimes that leads men down the garden path of not taking care of themselves at all, you know, not going to a doctor, not seeking mental health or wellness, I would say help, and also because men have been held up, as of course men are the builders of society, and it's almost as if because of that, we think, oh, they should have no problems, they should just do everything and not complain. But that's obviously. Everybody has problems, you know, and everybody needs help, especially fathers.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay. So so let's say, you know, in terms of getting this balance, in terms of the, the harmony in life, you know, you know that you advocate so far. You know, you know how do you see that as a family role, as a father, you know, like, you know, you know, you know how does that play out for us.
Speaker 3:You think Okay, so I've actually learned a lot. I've learned a lot from my husband, who is a father we have two daughters and in some ways, by watching him actually in some ways watching him I've learned to sort of in my own life, try to create that balance and that harmony. My husband as a father, he's also a doctor and a pastor. He's an investor, so he works a lot but, I, have seen him.
Speaker 3:He's again like I said, this is just from watching him and his example really have this ability to unplug from things. So when he's working, he's working, but when he's at home and he's resting he's, you know, laughing with the kids and enjoying himself watching TV. The other day I posted a TikTok of him, you know, going around the basement on his, on a hoverboard that he found. You know he plays tennis. He makes sure that he really does purposefully unplug from work, because this is again. I've noticed that a good number of fathers are almost unable to unplug. So you hear that phrase bringing work home, and that's something that's especially hard for doctors to do because it doesn't make you on call or something. But that developing that ability to say, okay, this is enough for the day, I need to rest or I need to eat, or I need to go and play with my kids, and keeping those things in the compartments where they belong, or at least trying your best to do so, is crucial for fathers to learn to be able to do yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, nice, very nice. So so what are the common signs? For instance, that you find out in terms of the burnout that fathers, maybe they should be aware of?
Speaker 3:So, by definition, feelings of negativity and cynicism, especially towards your job, feelings of lack of autonomy of all, or feelings like, well, what I'm doing isn't, what word am I looking for? What I'm doing isn't making any difference anyway. What's the point? When you start, not those recurring thoughts, you know burnout is creeping in and then the exhaustion. So you go to bed at night, you wake up in the morning you're still tired, mental fog. You know, because of the emotional exhaustion you might have a short temper or, you know, snapping at people. You know, right, I'm going to say the average working father doesn't tend to burst into tears, but they might find themselves being irritable and snappy and short or overreacting to things that normally would be like it doesn't matter. So those are the early warning signs to watch out for, which a lot of people may not notice.
Speaker 2:I see, I see, okay, thank you, this is good, and maybe you know how do we fix that. Maybe we know we start getting more rest or maybe, like you know, like you said, you know building those walls, you know where this is the family time, this is work time. You know, maybe all those things are things that maybe they can help us to get back in track. You know, like those are some of the things.
Speaker 3:Yes, those are some of the things. Yes, but you know, burnout, I quit burnout. To pain, right. So let's say you have a very slight headache, a Tylenol work, but let's say you have, you know, a brain tumor. Only surgery will work, right, right, right. So I quit burnout. So it's sort of it varies in severity.
Speaker 3:So at the point where you have those early warning signs, that might be time to talk to your boss about taking a bit of taking some vacation or, if you have that capacity at your workplace, taking a mental health day. If you're maybe a business owner, you know handing off things for a couple of days and taking some rest. But if it's gotten to the point where you're already, you hate your job, you hate your life, just hate everything. You're snapping at everybody. That is the point where now you need more intervention. You need a coach, you need a therapist, you may need more time off work, like maybe some kind of you know, like a two week break or something of that nature.
Speaker 3:So what people don't realize is that the longer one that's burned out go on, the longer the recovery time is. So well, I'm feeling a bit exhausted. Okay, it's been three days. Every time I wake up. I'm tired. I'm snapping at my kids. Uh-oh, time to nip this in the bud. You know what? This weekend I'm going to take a three day weekend. I'm going to, you know, go out and walk in nature. I'm going to do a hobby, because hobbies help to you, sort of replenish your mental and emotional energy. I have a hobby, I'm going to do it. The sooner we recognize, the sooner we can make the recovery. But if a person's already in that late stages where now it's now combining with depression, anxiety, they may need to go to, they may need to go as far as you know, seeing a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and doing whatever it takes to recover, because burnout is actually a diagnosis, it's not just, it's not the sign of weakness.
Speaker 2:Right, right, thank you, thank you. So you know, I think this is good because a lot of times, you know, we have some, you know some cultural issues or like we say this this choices is you know how, just how many things that you know, like they should be, you know. But then, like you said, you know something that we really, you know, we really need to address and there's no, there's no shame in that you know, like we need to really pay attention in that.
Speaker 3:Yes, Awesome. You know, stoicism is good. It's not a bad thing. I see myself as a stoic person, but I always tell my kids this anything you take to extremes is bad. Extreme stoicism is also bad. Extreme of anything is bad. We want to be moderates in all things.
Speaker 2:Right, thank you, thank you. So you mentioned the wellness initiatives that can lead to employees staying in their jobs for a long time. So how does this stability affect fathers in terms of providing for their families and maintaining their work life balance?
Speaker 3:Well, that's a question with many questions in it.
Speaker 2:Right, so I'll try to.
Speaker 3:I'll try to pick it up Break it down.
Speaker 2:Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 3:So you know, if you, like I said I, help companies with wellness, wellness initiatives, if your employees are well and feel heard and they're not burned out, then it just follows that they'll stay longer in the company that they feel is loyal to them. That's just the truth. Nowadays there's a lot of you know, even just in the society generally, people do tend to be becoming a bit more cynical and a bit more, I'm going to say, wary, you know, of like, almost like, watching their employers etc. And people are nowadays more ready to jump from, jump out to the next job and the next job. So if one wants to on the company side, if one wants to retain employees, one has to put the employee wellness at the forefront.
Speaker 3:Because as a company, your greatest resource is your human resource. It's not the, whatever building you have, or your net, whatever evaluation etc. Your greatest resource is a human resource. And just the same way you would take care of your machines and make sure they're maintained, you kind of have to have that same attitude to the human beings that work for you. How are you going to help them achieve their best if they're not, if they're unhealthy? And with fathers, you know it's important, for it's important for fathers too, because job stability is a good thing to have. It's not nice to you know, every two years be looking for a new job because you burned out in your last one, you know, and it takes away a lot of valuable time, because it takes time to search for a job.
Speaker 2:Right, and once you get this training and those, all those things which is expensive for everyone, it's very expensive for the company and the person.
Speaker 3:For doctors to go to a new job, you have to do something called credentialing. This is when, even though they've accepted you, you know you have to go through this paperwork. That can sometimes take months on the part of the company or the part of the person rehiring, reapplying for jobs, et cetera. It's expensive, it's time consuming and time wasting where if, with some good initiatives, wellness initiatives created around employees needs, you can have your employees stay, you have your father stay for longer, you build a better society because, let's say, somebody stays in the job for a long time, now he's not dragging his family around, his children are in school, now we're building up the community, et cetera. You know these things do have a snowball effect.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I think I read somewhere recently somebody was writing in terms of the HR, that is, you know how we have exit interviews. They were suggesting it's good to have staying interview, like you know, so that you make sure that you address those issues before they depart, you know, so that they really stay longer with you than losing them.
Speaker 3:Exactly, and what I've noticed is that a lot of times employees don't feel heard. You know they don't feel listened to and even if and I understand I'm so I'm an employee and an employer, so there you can always take on board everything your employees say. It's not possible. If you can may help those people feel Heard and listen to and okay, this is a serious problem for you. I will take it seriously in as much as within my power. That alone is Is, is is very big right, okay, that is true.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much so. So so can you share a little bit that, some practical tips about you know to like fathers, how they can prevent the burnout and also, just, you know, making sure that their well-being is intact.
Speaker 3:Okay, have a hobby number one. Okay, now this comes from the world of medicine, but William Osler said the young doctor should look about early for an application that takes him away from Patients pills and potions.
Speaker 3:Whether you're a doctor or not, it applies right have something that, outside of work, I would say fills up your emotional time. My husband says this a lot. He says, look, being a pastor has helped me with this whole burnout thing, like you know, when I think of you know, looking after these people and all of that makes me, you know, it makes me happy, makes me, you know, I'm fine. I wouldn't call being a pastor a hobby because it's. It's almost like it's a job, right.
Speaker 3:Yes, right but that's the thing that takes him away from patients, pills and potions. You know, for me it's writing and that was how I personally my burnout story. I burned out really badly when I was a resident and you know, just finding a hobby, I started writing again. I hadn't written in years. I started writing and that became the seed for my very first book.
Speaker 3:Okay, so again, some people will say writing is work. Yes, but if it's what is work to somebody can be a hobby to somebody else. So, have something, have a hobby. And In these days everybody's always talking about side gig and monetizing and all that. You don't have to monetize your hobby, you don't have to. Yes, I write for business, but I also write for fun, like I'll sit down and just write a poem to myself, or right, you know.
Speaker 3:So having a hobby is crucial number one. Number two Find support. Everybody needs somebody and I wish, I wish I could shout this to the rooftops to all men. Right, find support. It's not a shame to get a mentor you trust, get friends. You know a lot of guys. I see them again. So now, anyone that's listening to this I'm not beating on guys or trying to generalize, but right, not all guys. But I've seen this where Men that say they're close when you hear their conversation, sometimes the conversation sound very superficial. I'm like are you really telling this person what you're going through right now? Again, that comes from the stoicism of I'm a man, I need to take care of business. People come to me for help, not vice versa. But the truth is that there's a saying that goes he that you know, he that water should be watered, something like that kind of like you know You're giving, giving, giving, helping, helping, helping, get help and get support. The support could come from a formal relationship with a therapist or a coach, or it could even come from friends, people you trust, as long as they're trustworthy, and people who take you seriously. It could be a mentor, it could be a coach, it could be a pastor, it could be your friends, your brother, and it doesn't have to be men alone. So, wherever you can find support to even have just a sounding board for your issues and whatnot, those are very, very important, thank you.
Speaker 3:You know, having discussions with your organizational leaders like look, we're burning out here. What can, what can be done, you know. You know conversations have to start somewhere and sometimes it's not easy to have those conversations, especially if you don't have a whole lot of power in your Organization. But if you're the father that has some degree of power, some degree of stability, you can speak up for yourself and speak up for others.
Speaker 3:You know, because the little guy, so to speak, in the workplace is going, is going to be afraid to say something Because you might feel is going to be kicked out. But I guess the onus is on the fathers who have at least some little bit of cloud to say, hey, how can we change things? You know, have a have a round table in which you start to address these things. If you're someone who works again too, if your Father, who is an employer, does, on the other side, talk to your employees, you'll be surprised at what they would tell you if they feel you're a safe space for them to talk, and together we can all deal with some of these problems.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. Yeah, because I think you mentioned something critical in terms of, you know, to making the, the employees, safer to you know, because a lot of times folks they worry about the consequence or maybe losing their job, and you know, and also I would like to emphasize what you mentioned about, you know, asking for help. You know, I, you know like, especially mentorship. You know like, I think people like the people of color, like myself, for instance, I know if I had, you know like, if I had a guide in front of me like a mentor, it could have been a different story. But I did not have that and most of my colleagues they they already had that in place in terms of their family or friends, or even the jobs, like you know, they hooked, they have the connections all the way. So it's good to read, to really be connected in this world.
Speaker 2:I think that's something that we can really advise dads to Take that very seriously and not, you know like, even if it is not for them to advise to their, to their little ones, you know, just always, you know, make sure that you're connected and you get the help. Thank you so much so, so, so, thank you for those tips. I think those are very important tips and and so, in terms of workplace, you know, sometimes you have these the safety issues, the injuries you know like at work which can be impacted by the burnout. You know, because you know Like, for instance, you know like you're in the late stages, you don't care anymore, so you're at work, but you're not at work and if let's say, yes, you know like your work is physical and such you can, you know it can lead into traumas and stuff you know. So how do you, you know, how do you advise people to like deal with that?
Speaker 3:Well, it's correct. Burnout has shown increased risk of mental and physical Illnesses. Mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, burnout itself is a diagnosis of a mental illness. Right? Injuries, you said injuries, even things like high blood pressure and diabetes and obesity Can be consequences of burnout. Right, so it's very it's. This is more serious than just oh well, why are they complaining? They say they're burnt out. Burnout is the new buzzword. It's actually not just a buzzword, it's very serious. And again back to what I was saying of when you start to notice those signs, you need to pay attention to your own wellness and start to take the necessary steps before you become that person who is falling down at work. And now and now you have to really take off work because you've broken a hip or a back or wrist or something.
Speaker 2:Right right.
Speaker 3:It's. It's important that both employers and employees recognize this as being a huge contributor to work. You know workplace illness, illnesses and injuries.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, I know most of the issues that we have touched already. But so far, with your company, you know balance with Dr Shola, I know you're you're you're related, you know with with the preventing this, you know like the employee burnout aside. So how can these, you know the, you know the services benefit both the employers and fathers in the workplace? I know we kind of touched those issues already roughly.
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely. Like we're saying before, when you, when your company doesn't burn out its stuff, then what happens? You will stay there longer, right, and when you're with your fathers, they're not counting their families running up and down. So now we're building not only the workplace, the community, the children go to school, everybody is, you know, if daddy is not well because he's burned out and snapping at everybody, the family is not well, you know. But now we have this company that's now has a reputation for treating the employees well, listening to the employees. Oh, if you work here, the hours are sensible, they don't, you're not overworked, they listen, etc. You don't burn out. People will now start flocking to that company, right, right.
Speaker 3:So it's really, you know, it's something that we all need to work on and, of course, this is this is what I do. I go into companies and help them create wellness initiative based on their employee needs and what they you know what they perceive their needs to be and what the CEO, or whoever it is, perceives they needs to be. We need to be, we need to get better at, you know, looking at this as not just not just from an individualistic mindset. You know a well, one employee burnout If that one person is a father, you know he leaves and he tells all other people not to join your company. That company don't you ever work for them. It's better for you to eat dirt and to go out and work for a company X.
Speaker 2:Right, right.
Speaker 3:And you know what? Oh, you should come here. Oh, and do you know anyone else? I want this job. Oh yeah, I have a friend and now, just because of a few simple things, we're building a better community and that other you know, companies, et cetera can learn from. Does that answer your question?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And you know like we have, like you know these reviews, like last door jobs. You know people, they always talk about the place, so it's good to really make sure that you treat people well. And you know, I have a quick question in terms of this issue Like have you noticed how you know like you're international, like you know like working in Nigeria, uk and now in the US? Some countries, for instance, like Canada, where my you know some of my family is from, they have very long you know like in terms of not the maternity leave but the you know like for the fathers. Have you really pern that, in terms of the places that you work with, you know that you see as a consulting oh well, in England, for example, you have, I think.
Speaker 3:When I lived there, paternity leave was two months and maternity leave was up to a year with six months paid.
Speaker 2:So that's something that we need to work on a little bit with in the US.
Speaker 3:Exactly. In the US we don't even have my very first job out of residency company name withheld. They was actually in the contract that we do not have any maternity leave. Luckily for me, I had had my kids already before I got that job. But if I'd seen that contract and I was planning to have children, I would not have gone to work then. But I mean like no, I can't work here. If you know, so, think of you, know we sometimes we think we're saving money but we're really not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you know, when you know, like the whole employee wellness is a big deal. Yes, yes, thank you so much. I'm fortunate once too, like my company offers that and I've taken so far, like almost now, all the three times that I've had kids while I'm in that company I've been taking advantage of it, so that's a big thing.
Speaker 3:Yes, you know, you're a taxpayer, you're a productive worker and when we think about it as an employee, you're generating revenue for the company, you know, and every employee generates a lot more revenue than they're paid as a seller, you see. So you know, when you think about it in those terms, companies can, companies, many companies can do better.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yes, thank you. So so you know, with you know, bringing a father, we make all these important, these very important decisions in terms of family, sometimes if it's your job, or, like you know, like schooling for kids, etc. So you know this issue with the balance in harmony. You know, in life, you know which is the big deal for you as a company. So how do you help us, you know, to make better decisions as fathers in our families.
Speaker 3:Okay. So you've heard the saying no man is an island, okay, so you need partners, okay, and by partners is what I mean, so, and this is talking about fathers. So fathers are the Spanish, the gamut, right, they are single fathers, they are fathers who are married, they are fathers who are separated, divorced, cohabiting, they are fathers who are two father families. So this is like a very broad spectrum. Now you need partners and support, okay.
Speaker 3:Whoever it is like, for example, you know, whoever it is that is helping you with your family stuff need to be solid people. So, in the case of a married man, you need to. You and your partner need to be on the same page. If it's a co-parenting situation, you and your partner need to be on the same page in terms of you know, okay, yes, we're raising a family, but also we are also individuals, and how do we create that space in this context in order to be the best we can be? You see, now, a single dad, too, needs partners, right, need, oh, you know, a slew of babysitters that can be on call when you want to go somewhere, may need grandma, grandpa, uncles in the picture. So you know, nobody does it alone, and anyone who tries to think they can do something alone is Simply deceiving themselves. Show me a self-made man and I'll show you a liar Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, there is no such thing Right, right, and you know, like, a lot of times you know some people that have that, for instance, the immigrants, for instance. Or you know, like you hear by yourself, you know, like your family is International, far away from here, so you're struggling, you know, and nobody's seeing this. So those are the people that I feel for them because they don't have that Clothes, family, you know, or French, you know, friends that can help them to do it. So maybe the best thing we can advise them to really Find good friends or see there is, or something like that, to keep things going, you know.
Speaker 3:That for me, that was my life. I don't have any family in the Midwest of the US, none like none. My family is everywhere else but the Midwest. I have some family in New York. I have some family in California. I guess they all all came to warmth. Well, new York is a war, but California, new York, no. When I came to Chicago with my I was with me my husband, I was pregnant. We had nobody, nobody.
Speaker 3:But you know, when you know you need support, you find it wherever you can find it. So we, for the longest time, we paid somebody to look after our kids because we're both in residency at the same time. Sometimes you're gone for like 24, 48 hours. That residency life doesn't lend itself to a 9 to 5. Or even taking your kids to a daycare because a daycare is supposed to close, right, you know. So we have to, you know, shell out money to pay somebody to look after our kids, to get reliable person. Now, many of these people they didn't come from some fancy website or just somebody that told us oh, there's this person, they are good, they're a good person, they're looking for a job, they can help you with your kids. So sometimes you have to be very you have to be very sad.
Speaker 2:Excellent.
Speaker 3:We started going to a church where these people just surrounded us with love. So we're able to you know this, where you go to get your groceries and things of that nature that to build Relationships. So, yes, you may be an immigrant with no family, like I was, but you can build relationships wherever you are. And the truth is that having family doesn't mean that they're going to help you. I have met Americans whose families live down the road and they want for, for reasons that I have to do with fractures in the relationships, they won't lift a finger to help. So having family around doesn't even guarantee you anything, because family can decide. I ain't gonna help you. And what are you gonna do now? You still have to go and start looking for quote unquote your own family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so thank you. This is very, very important and inspiring, and you know so folks that were thinking you know, you know, having that mental Attitude of like, oh, by the way, I have no help, I'm by myself, you still can network with, you know, with the community and get some help going.
Speaker 3:Carpooling, etc. Those things really help.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you. I appreciate that. So so can you. You know, you know. Can you share any personal anecdotes? You know all stories from your experience that highlight the positive effects of well, necessarily, you know, you know Initiatives and their families, oh, yes, absolutely we.
Speaker 3:So, like I said, part of what I do is I go to you know companies, different places, events etc. And you know the feedback for me has always been great when I've shared these initiatives, even if even in form of just a talk. But, honestly, some of the big, less biggest lessons come from my own life. You know, getting to the point where you're running yourself into the ground and then you pull yourself up short and say what are you doing? So it was almost like from creating wellness initiatives for myself and my clients. Then now I get to do it on a larger scale for you know companies, etc.
Speaker 3:When I talked about this earlier, but when I was in residency, I Came. So think about it like this I went from Nigeria To London where I just did purely outpatient. You come and you go home and all weekends are off, all holidays are off, and I'll come to do residency in one of the busiest hospitals in the world. First of all, there was the culture shock. Okay, I expected, you know, I expected Nigeria and England to be dissimilar, so I was prepared. I didn't expect the extent of Valority between the UK and the US, so I think I probably spent my first Year in a state of complete culture shock. The people think differently right, you know.
Speaker 3:You have to be at work at six. You know you have to have seen all these patients. You have to, you know. For let me give an example of culture shock, right, like if you're in England, you're a resident, and your professor asks you a question and you say, oh, I'm not really sure. They're like, okay, well, go read it up, but this is the answer.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm in the US. It's like you dare not say that you don't know. What do you mean? You don't know, do you not study? And you end up looking stupid. And it's like, oh, wow, so and I'm thinking didn't I come here to learn, like I've already knew it, why am I here? So this is just one of the examples of, for me, at the culture shock. So, living in a new environment, starting a new job, I just had a new baby and I had. My mother went back to Nigeria when the baby was six months old and I started residency at the same time. Oh, my goodness, it was as if my brain was on fire. Before the end of that year, I was ready to call it quits.
Speaker 3:Not only I was everything stress everything, everything, not only with my job, over my life as well. I was ready to call it quits.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that's a big one yeah no-transcript.
Speaker 3:One fine day I was going to I was like you know what, it's okay, I don't have to be a doctor, I'm going to go to direct is a program director office and tell her I'm not doing this anymore. So on the way there, this one doctor saw me like oh, what's the matter with you, like she was an attending, and I started to you know kind of moan and groan and complain and ask you know, like what am I doing here? Etc, etc, I don't want to be here anymore. And she sat me down and she talked Upon you for every experience I had, she had a worst one.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you feel like oh, sorry, excuse me.
Speaker 3:For everything. I could tell her she's like oh no, yeah, this happened to me too. I had, I think the day before I had. I Was trying to. You know, dude, I was doing Scott work and I caught my hand between a door and a gurney. Oh, so, like my fingers were small, I was still at work. I was just so upset so and she was like, oh, look at me, I have this cut on my finger. I had to do this and I got it in this hospital. So it was almost as though I met the right person at the right time. Absolutely, that woman made me feel hurt as it, because everyone around me looked happy and jolly. Then I started to realize that this was a common problem. So by the time I graduated from my residency, I was like I want to help doctors everywhere, not go through what I went.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. That's awesome. That's your big. Why right there? Yes, one of them, oh, one of them, okay, okay, yes, yes, wow, so so no, it's really, it's really amazing to hear this story because a lot of times I think People don't understand what people go through like to to get where you are and you know and this is not to like show off or stuff, but it's just that it seems to me like sometimes Some of people you know some, I don't want to say some people they have to work twice as much or as much hard. You know, like I don't understand, you know I don't know, get into that topic, but yes, but, but I totally understand, you know. Thank you so much for for for the inspiration. You know, this is awesome. So how can folks, especially fathers, maybe, reach out to you if they have any questions? Maybe they're the healthcare field, or you know how do they Learn more about preventing burnout and such? You know, by reaching out to you.
Speaker 3:Oh, great, so I have a number of resources. So I have I on Physician, heal yourself, dot life. I have a free burnout prevention training and it's not only well, it's geared towards doctors, but anyone can learn from it. Okay, but the best way to reach me Honestly is to send an email to me directly, to me, info at shallasokolicom. Okay, so, with your request or whatever, because when that happens, then it'll be directed. It'll go to one of my team and will be directed appropriately. So if you send an email to info at shallasokolicom, if you want to be speaking services for your organization, it'll be directed to the right place. If you want to coach with me, then we can have that conversation. If you want to buy my books, etc. So info at shallasokolicom.
Speaker 2:I'll write, I'll share that information. You know that is where it's.
Speaker 3:That's where it starts.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, awesome, thank you. I think this is, this has been amazing. So thank you so much for really providing the time and, and you know, and, and, and the great wisdom that we all need and and maybe also you know, like, down the road, maybe we, you know, we can learn from from your husband as well. It seems to to me. You know he, you know the bus, that the balance act you know is is being great for him as well. So, and we will be lucky to hear him as well.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, I'll ask him.
Speaker 2:So so thank you so much, doctor show. I truly appreciate your. You know, like your time today and folks, please go ahead and, and, and you know like I'll share her information. But you know, as she mentioned, how to reach to her. Make sure you email her and and ask all those questions that you might have. Do not feel shy, you know like you might think something is insignificant but really can be, can make a difference in your life. So it's good you know it's very important to reach out to people like her to help you and also, please, you know, just go ahead and and go to that puzzles that come to Find her information and many other folks that are coming to our site, to To our podcast, to share their wisdom. So thank you so much to you know, too, for tuning in today. Thank you.
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