Balancing Parenthood and Self-Care: Jennifer's Journey to Transformative Family Coaching and Mindful Parenting

Ever wondered how to balance being a great parent while also taking care of yourself? Join us on Dad Puzzles Everything Dad, where we promise you'll gain actionable insights from our special guest, Jennifer Sievers, a seasoned family coach from Hamburg, Germany. Jennifer shares invaluable advice on how both parents can support each other, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing self-care for a thriving family life. Discover the power of mutual understanding and communication, and why it's crucial to appreciate each other's contributions. Learn how mothers can support dads in taking time for themselves and why asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a step towards a healthier family dynamic.

Jennifer also opens up about her transformative journey from a long corporate career to a fulfilling role in family coaching, driven by personal loss and a quest for deeper connections. We discuss practical strategies for building strong family bonds through active involvement in children's lives, from household chores to encouraging their independence. The conversation shifts to managing stress and maintaining balance, with tips on mindfulness techniques and the evolving roles of parents. This episode is packed with essential advice on mindful parenting, ensuring both parents can contribute equally to raising well-rounded, resilient children. Don't miss this enriching discussion aimed at helping you piece together the puzzle of dad life.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to Dad Puzzles Everything Dad. If you're questioning yourself about dad functions, duties and life in general, you've come to the right place. Parenthood can be tough. Learning to juggle caring for your baby with your career and also keeping things fresh with your partner can be a struggle, but we're here to make things easier with helpful tips for making the most of your situation. Being a dad may seem like a puzzle, but it's one you can definitely solve. Now here's your host, dr Suleiman Ijani.

Speaker 2: 0:43

Hello, welcome to Dad Puzzles. We're very happy. Today we have a special guest across the pond. You know from Europe this is the first time you know, so you know she's a coach for families and she's very big on work-life balance, self-care and creating a thriving family life. So please welcome my friend Jennifer Welcome.

Speaker 3: 1:09

Good morning and thank you so much for having me, Suli. It's a pleasure Awesome. Coming live to you from Hamburg, Germany.

Speaker 2: 1:18

Oh, my goodness, you see, that's amazing. This is the first time, you know. Look, we look forward to growing so that we can impact dads across the world. Why that no?

Speaker 3: 1:28

yeah, that's really important, thank you a lot to learn and a lot of places to cover right, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 1:37

So. I know you're very big on self-care, so and this is being overlooked by dads so can you. So how can the mothers help dads prioritize ourselves, because sometimes we're very consumed with stuff and we forget about ourselves. So how can you help us?

Speaker 3: 1:53

As a mom or just as a woman, I can help everybody, just telling them to put yourself first. It's the most important thing. To put yourself first, Even as a dad with young children. Put yourself first, because if you don't put yourself first, you are not able to take care of your family. So if you always cross that limit, that border, that is your natural stopping line. You will finally be totally exhausted, not being able to work, having health or mental problems, and how do you then want to take care of your kids? And they depend on you. So for the mothers, understand that there's a time that the dad needs as well to have his me time, and try to put that into the schedule.

Speaker 2: 2:45

Amazing. Thank you so much much. And I know your work is very big on supporting mothers. So what roles can we play as dads? You think, uh, so that we can create that balanced family dynamics? You know, because it's both ways, you know yeah, it's, definitely is.

Speaker 3: 2:59

It's. It's a two-way street and um, that role is a crucial one in my opinion. I have been a lone raising mom for 12 years now, so I'm definitely missing that part. But if you are an active dad and playing an active role, understand the pressure that moms are under. There's a lot of this old picture that mothers have to take care of the children, and I mean thank God the people are getting more used to that Dads take part in raising the children as well.

Speaker 3: 3:39

But one thing that I really find crucial and I found crucial while I was still in a relationship was that when I was the one working and taking care of the kids in the afternoon, when my partner came home, I would have wished for him to just take the kids for the last hour of the day, because I was the one that did not have adult conversations. I mean for sure. A dad comes home from work, had a busy day, eight, 10, 11 hours far from home and he probably wants to come home, enter the door and go to the living room and just sit down, think and relax and probably have like half an hour for himself. But from the mother's perspective, she has been the whole afternoon with kids. I mean, when they are little, it's not much of a conversation you can have and she probably is exhausted.

Speaker 3: 4:34

If you have children that don't sleep at night, she's definitely exhausted and she probably just wants somebody. That okay, that says I see, see you, I see the work that you have been doing. Um, she, on the other hand, knows that the partner has been working to earn family income. But it's just like this half hour, this hour, where she wants to have somebody by her side and not be alone. Right, because raising children if the other partner is not home for 10, 12 hours is really lonely right, right, right.

Speaker 2: 5:10

Yes, that is very true. And also, even when you're there, sometimes the other part can misunderstand you or think you're not helpful. So it's good to you know, communicate more and try to be as definitely as possible.

Speaker 3: 5:22

Definitely. That's also something with mindfulness Communicate your needs. You might think you know what your partner needs, but if you don't ask or if you don't communicate your needs, this might not match.

Speaker 2: 5:40

That is true, and so I know that you're very big on, let's say, the importance of help, asking for help. This is like a superpower for moms. So how can we use that superpower? Because sometimes we like to carry things on us by ourselves.

Speaker 3: 5:58

Yeah, asking Definitely superpower. I mean a dad is not Superman. I mean for the kids, you are Superman, you are the hero figure in their lives. They look up to you. But it's okay to be not okay. I mean it's okay to say, okay, I need somebody. Like I turn to a podcast and listen how other people fear that they experience the same stuff. We do Meet with other dads on the playground when your kids have a game you go to exchange and not always say oh, it's okay. I mean there's this comment saying when you're in the States.

Speaker 3: 6:42

I mean I used to live in Virginia and one thing I really remember is that one day somebody asked me how are you? I mean, this is the common thing to start a conversation with. And at that moment I was like I was feeling so down. I was like I'm really bad today. It's not a good day. And the person went by and after 10 meters he turned around and said like what, what did you just say? And like, dare to say that you are not okay, dare to say I need some help, and it's you are not an outsider to seek psychological help, help or seek the help of a coach.

Speaker 3: 7:23

Absolutely A good coach can help you out of it and it might not take long sessions.

Speaker 2: 7:33

It might just only take one session to be seen. Awesome, Awesome. This is important and that's where you come in, actually, correct?

Speaker 3: 7:45

Yeah, this is where I come in, mostly for, uh, for women. I've done some coaching for dads as well, because it's it's they. They face the same problems. I probably cannot relate that much because I um, last week I had somebody and he said, yeah, but men have problems to admit so, and a woman might be more outspoken because we are more used to talk about our feelings and are not that much in the head. But we are all humans, we have head and heart, so let's rely on that.

Speaker 2: 8:18

Absolutely yes, yes, and you know, initially I kind, of you know, went ahead and kind of went ahead because we know each other and I forgot to kind of share more about you. Yes, you are the coach, but can you maybe tell us a little bit about you, my friend?

Speaker 3: 8:32

Yeah, sure, I'm 50, so I have some life experience. Let me put it that way.

Speaker 3: 8:41

I have two young sons, but the older one, he's turning 18, so he would probably say, okay, I'm not that young anymore. I've been raising them alone for 12 years. I started working. I got an MBA and worked for Philips for nearly 25 years. So I knew all the side of the big industry, big players. I was then human resources and did some strategic work in the end.

Speaker 3: 9:11

And then I had my brother die of cancer and that was for me a turning point where I decided, okay, this is not how I want to spend the rest of my life. I mean, I'm barely in the middle because I just told my kids I'm going to be 120. So at some point of time you have to decide how you want to live the rest of your life, and I decided that it was not in a big company for me. I wanted to work with people connect from the heart. Big company for me. I wanted to work with people connect from the heart and allow my emotions and the empathy I can feel and have with people to show that, because there's so much cold out there side there in the world that I think people need the warmth. Then they need the feeling to be seen, my friend so, and this is when I shifted a little bit and went into coaching that's amazing, you know.

Speaker 3: 10:06

Coaching is an amazing field and I'm I'm happy myself to embark on it, and the difference you make on people is just amazing, you know yeah, it warms your own heart as well, because I always say never be so egoistic to say that you cannot learn something from the person that is sitting across from you. You can. I learned the most from my children, even when they were little. Just be open and be willing to learn and pick up.

Speaker 2: 10:37

Okay, amazing, thank you. So what are the things that let's say we can do? That are very simple, but they can help us to have the bond, because sometimes to create this connection is not that easy.

Speaker 3: 10:51

Play as a dad or as a mom, it's always play an active role in family life, even if it's not easy. Allow yourself to interact with the children and allow the children to play an active role in the household. Um, when I moved in where I'm living right now, my children were really young the youngest was two and I put all the dishes underneath, um, the uh yeah, close to the floor let me put it away that way because I figured okay, how long do I have to wait until they can reach up there to get the dishes out? And I was like, nah, I'm not going to wait that long. I want them to learn to lay the dishes on the table earlier. And I taught them that dirty dishes don't fly into the dishwasher.

Speaker 3: 11:43

So this is one role where you can interact and be a role model. You can also teach them how to cook. I always tell my sons girls will love it that you are able to cook. It's really sexy. So if you're a dad, lead by example and it does not have to be something difficult. If you do macaroni and cheese, that's fine, but just teach them how to play an active part in the family life. Sit down with them, do a board game. If that's not your kind of game, then go outside. Outside, kick some balls.

Speaker 3: 12:22

Whatever is good and comes natural to you, the children will pick that up. Don't try to fit into a role that is not yours. If you're making something up and say, okay, I'm gonna be that great and you're not feeling it, the children will not interact with that because they they sense it that this is something wrong, that you actually do not like it, so they won't pick it up. But if they say, see that you are really into something, they will go for that as well, and I think this is most of it.

Speaker 3: 12:58

Take the time. I mean I hated it when my children started working in the kitchen and the kitchen was a mess afterwards. But I mean this is what learning and growing together is all about. And now I can leave them alone for a weekend and go to the States and on a business trip and I know they are fine because they are able to cook. They told me to come back. Please come back, because it's quite exhausting to always put everything back into place and clean up the kitchen afterwards and they love to have the food flying to the table. But they will survive and they survive fine.

Speaker 2: 13:37

That's amazing. Thank you so much. Those are great lessons. Definitely, dads and families will be happy to learn this, because sometimes you feel like, oh no, they will do later. But your idea to make them at least on the lower level so they can reach it. Or, for some people, we create the same stool that they have in the bathroom. We have it in the kitchen so they can have access to it Amazing.

Speaker 3: 14:01

Exactly, and don't be afraid, amazing Exactly, and don't be afraid, I mean. What I really learned is that if you allow children to grow, they will grow. We here have a program where police officers show the children the way to school so that they can go on their own before they are a first grader. I mean, we have a lot of boardwalks. You don't have that in the US in all cities, but here we have a lot of boardwalks. You don't have that in the US in all cities, but here we have.

Speaker 3: 14:27

And one of the policemen said to me when my youngest went there. He told me let go, don't be afraid, let them go. They need to make their own decisions and own experiences. And, having two boys, I have been to the emergency room quite sometimes and, uh, it always happened when I was standing next to them. So even if you're thinking that you are protecting your children by keeping them really close to you, you can't. If something is going to happen, it is going to happen if, even if, you are right next to it. So really give them the freedom to experience and this in the end, will have you, as a dad, be more relaxed as well.

Speaker 2: 15:17

That is true. That is so true, thank you, thank you. So let's jump a little bit about the issue with the stress Big topic. Yes, okay, you, thank you. So let's jump a little bit about the issue with the stress. You know, yes, okay, so this is good actually. You know what I was just. You know, just to add to what we just mentioned about, uh, how people that can be very protective. You know things will happen, like you mentioned, even if we are there with them, but I think we have to remember to it's good to let them experience things on their own. You know, know, because you know, like the police were saying, because you know that's how they become resilient. You know, oh, yeah, I've been through this before, but trying to monitor them when they go through that, you know.

Speaker 3: 15:56

Yeah, be the rails on their streets. Don't be the driver of their car, but be the rails so that they will keep on the street. Amazing, thank you so much. I love that. I love that. Drive off their car but beat the rails so that they will keep on the street amazing.

Speaker 2: 16:04

Thank you so much. I love that. I love that. So so how can we deal with uh, you know, deal with stress, you know, like? Is there any special techniques or mindful practices that you recommend for us to stay centered and and calm?

Speaker 3: 16:19

I'm definitely a friend of biohacking, so it's, uh, it's, it's always a mixture. Find, uh, find the poison that fits. You always say, um, you don't have to meditate if meditation is not yours, if you cannot sit down to meditate, it is perfectly fine to listen to a meditation if you're walking or running. It's just like take that moment of time where you try to calm down your brain. I always go when I go for a walk. I never take my mobile because I really want to be with nature at that moment. I want to listen to my surroundings, I want to listen to the birds. So it's, yeah, if you like meditation, do a little bit of meditation. Definitely do sports. I mean, um, I totally get it that you might need this.

Speaker 3: 17:14

Two hours in front of the tv watching a game this is also can be self-care, but, um, you won't be a balanced dad if this is all you do for self-care. It needs some good nutrition. It needs some sports, it needs some me time. It also definitely needs some time with your partner. This is something that is often forgotten, especially when children are young. Really go on a date night, especially when children are young. Really go on a date night. Pay for somebody to take care of the kids, just so that you will have a topic with your partner to talk about that has nothing to do with children.

Speaker 2: 17:56

That is true, that is true.

Speaker 3: 18:00

So there are so many aspects, but this really helps and before you act, sometimes we are so stressed and then you probably come home and your child spills something. I mean, this does not happen on purpose, it seldomly does. But before you react, at that moment stop and breathe, just like for one second, center yourself, and then you say, okay, it was just a glass, oh, it was just a plate, it doesn't really matter. I mean that the child is safe, safe, you are safe. So it's a kind of interacting with your surroundings, with your family, and breathing really helps. It's something that comes from way below. Yeah, I think it was while we were still hunting. I think it was while we were still hunting. The amygdala normally makes you react immediately to something that stresses you. Normally you have like freezing or hitting something because there was this tiger or whatever who wanted to eat you. If you breathe and give yourself this second, even if you just say like aha and then think about it, the brain kicks in and then you might find a reaction that is not so hurtful.

Speaker 2: 19:36

That's amazing. Thank you so much. Thank you Because you know this is a challenge for everyone, and actually the people that master it, you, it. It's an amazing thing to have and I think one of the powers of meditation is one of those things. I think it helps whenever you're used to having that mindfulness. It helps in those moments.

Speaker 3: 19:59

Yeah, it definitely does. For example, if your child comes home with a bad grade, I mean nobody likes having a d or an f on an exam. But looking at the length of those 18 years that you're raising your child, I mean you raised your whole life but 18 years or 17 years of school and then you see, like how much time is it like this one grade? On that whole scale it's nothing. So why? I mean, if you're, if your child needs the experience to have a d or an f, fine, but that's not on you. You can tell them, okay, it's probably not good. If you want to, is that um? If this is the way you want to uh look your school career like, then that's fine, it's your decision. I can tell you that is probably not a good one to take um right but don't start yelling screaming, it doesn't change anything.

Speaker 3: 21:02

The greatest already in the past. It's not, not even there in that moment and it's definitely not the future.

Speaker 2: 21:10

Absolutely, wow, thank you. Thank you, yeah, because you know like it's good that they experience that, like you mentioned, and also they can learn. Oh, you know what, you know what are the consequences of this? So then maybe, like they need help, you know, then we can invest on the help so that they can do better in the future, so that they can see, by the way, I've been in trouble, I've worked on it and, boom, look at what happened. I think it's a good learning experience for in every point in your life. I think it's a beautiful learning experience, amazing.

Speaker 3: 21:41

You can learn so much. I had somebody telling me I don't like your LinkedIn profile. It's all about motherhood, and I'm like no, it's not, Because there's so much you can relate on. Even if you don't have children, you might have the same experiences or situations with your colleagues at work.

Speaker 2: 22:09

So mindfulness gives you a lot of opportunities to look at certain pieces of your life in a different light. My goodness, yeah. So what are your? You know because so far you look at the society, you know what is changing. And things are changing. Now you know like today's society is not the same as back in the days. So how can we embrace these challenges and opportunities?

Speaker 3: 22:30

Good question. First of all, I would love fathers to have a more active role. I really would like to have that role on eye level. Let's say in a balance. I'm all about balancing, so let's uh, let's put raising children on a balance where both men and women play an equal part, because our children need both of that. Um, men is often related to being in the brain and mothers to be in the heart, but this is just like stereotypes, it can be all mixed, but one thing that is sure that children need both to grow. I always told my son OK, you have this way, you see how your father does it, you see my way, and this is where you help them grow and they learn. They can look at way or path a, path b, and they can decide later on which one to take, or if they create their own way to go. So, uh, this is definitely one thing I would like to get people more involved into, and another thing is, um, that I really find it disturbing.

Speaker 3: 23:45

How many children are parked in front of mobiles. This is really something that hurts my soul. I mean, there are so many good books to read. Give your child a book that really forms and activates their creativity. Let them read a book, but don't park them in front of their tablet, and even the youngest one, I mean. This is totally a one-way street and they won't get emotions out of that, and for me it's all about emotions and feelings and hugging people. But if we park children in front of their mobiles and give them too much screen time, we raise children that are narrow-minded and not really empathetic.

Speaker 2: 24:35

Right.

Speaker 3: 24:35

So this is something where I would love us to work on, and you, as a father, you have the unique opportunity to be that role model. So race by example. Leave your mobile next to you and don't look at it when you are talking to your child. Don't take it to the dinner table. That's a no-go. Concentrate on the person that is In front of you. It's not about spending like hours with your children. It's about spending that special time you have with them 100%.

Speaker 2: 25:14

Oh, that's amazing. This is a message I know is very popular, but we forget and stuff like that. So it's very important to really remind ourselves, to really prioritize them. You know, because it's just a short time. You know after that, you know, like you know the whole time, that you're engaging with them before you know it. You know, you know like the dinner is over, like you're already playing, you're having fun. Oh, they're tired, they got to go to sleep. Then you have your own time. You know this. Then you have your own time. You know this is amazing.

Speaker 3: 25:45

This is amazing.

Speaker 2: 25:45

You definitely have yes, so no, this has been incredibly insightful. I know there is so much more we can talk about, but we plan to have to break it down so we can have you know like a repeat again pretty soon, hopefully, and so I really thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight. You know like those practical tips to us.

Speaker 3: 26:05

I am really pleased to help. I'm really welcome. There's one question you did not ask me.

Speaker 2: 26:11

Yes, please yes.

Speaker 3: 26:13

I really would love to go into that one just for one second, because you wanted to know for me what to tell to young dads that are just starting their parenting journey.

Speaker 2: 26:24

Yes, please.

Speaker 3: 26:28

Yes, why not dads that are just starting their parenting journey? Yes, yes, please yes. Why not those? For those ones? Um, just one thing to remember lack of sleep is a torture, so do not overreact. I don't know who is getting up in your partnership, if it's the woman or the man at night. Lack of sleep is a torture and you might not react the same or as normal as you would have done without the lack of sleep. So please give yourself some credit, give your partner some credit in those first months and at one point of time it will all go back to normal.

Speaker 2: 27:06

Oh, this is a very good point Because even if you're not newly married, you've been there for a minute and then now you have little ones and you're struggling with sleep. This is a good point to remember. This is true Because your threshold of the anger management and everything is not going to be the same because you're already deprived of sleep. Maybe you're the coffee person. There's no coffee yet. All those things you know.

Speaker 3: 27:32

Yeah, exactly, and lack of sleep also has a big impact on your immune system, so therefore also on your mental health. You will more easily go into depression or feeling exhausted because of that lack of sleep, and this is something just to keep in mind.

Speaker 2: 27:51

Absolutely Well. Thank you so much for sharing that, because I was keeping the idea that you're sharing. You know what dads can do in this new generation and stuff like that, and I was linking all that together, but I'm happy that you mentioned that so that dads can remember this. I was linking all that together, but I'm happy that you mentioned that so that dads can remember this. So I really thank you for being practical and sharing this great information. So how can folks find you, my friend?

Speaker 3: 28:15

They can find me on my Internet site it's jenniferminusceviscom, and I'm talking all about balance there and how to find it with intelligent molecules I'm working with and they definitely can find me on LinkedIn. I'm not that active on Insta on Facebook, but I'm definitely active on LinkedIn and you can watch me there and follow my posts.

Speaker 2: 28:39

Oh, my God, Thank you so much. I appreciate you. So, for all you that have been listening, be sure to check out the show notes for the links to Jennifer's resources and connect with her directly. So please remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish, it's very necessary.

Speaker 3: 28:55

Yes, yes, please. Self-care comes first.

Speaker 2: 28:59

Yes, absolutely so. Please stay puzzling. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you.

Speaker 3: 29:04

Thank you, Zuli, for having me.

Speaker 2: 29:06

Thank you. Thank you, Zuli, for having me.

Speaker 1: 29:09

Thank you. Thank you, my dear. Thanks for listening to Dad Puzzles. We hope you learned something from today's podcast. Please leave us a review and give us a thumbs up, and don't forget to subscribe to our mailing list and YouTube channel. Plus follow and like our Instagram and Facebook pages or any social media of your choice. Plus follow and like our Instagram and Facebook pages or any social media of your choice. You can also visit dadpuzzlescom for more resources that will help ease you into your parenthood journey. Thanks again for listening to Dad Puzzles.