Is Social Media Toxic? - Social Media Ownership With Giselle Ugarte

Social Media can get a bad wrap, but is it as toxic as people say it is? or can social media be used for good?

Giselle Ugarte sits down with us today to discuss practical tips for curating your social media habits, from managing who you follow to optimizing notifications, and emphasizing the importance of aligning your digital space with your personal values and goals.

We also discuss how social media has had some positive impacts when showcasing diverse beauty standards and body image. 

If you're struggling with finding balance in your relationship with social media or want to use it as a force for good, this episode is for you. 

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• Candice Carcioppolo
• Kat Torre

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Transcript

So Giselle, we're excited to have you on. Thank you for taking time with us today. We want to just dive right in and talk a little bit about what's been top of mind for you. What is the one thing that you can't shut up about right now? my gosh. That is just a loaded, loaded question. For me right now, it is this whole concept of digital wellness and digital ownership.

And that is that it is possible to have a healthy relationship with social media. And that's something that I have been living and breathing for over a decade, but I have found that recently, and especially in a lot of the corporate circles that I've been in, people will be like, wait, I'm confused. How are healthy and social media in the same sentence? What are you talking about? It is toxic. It is political. It is a dumpster fire. Like, you need to take breaks. You need to do all of these things. And...

So the thing that I can't shut up about that I've also managed to turn my business into is helping people to understand in this wave of where technology is part of our everyday. In some cases, people wear it. Candice, I know you have an Apple Watch. And helping us to realize that technology is a direct reflection of who we are and our habits and that we have more control than society would make us believe or think. When you say digital ownership,

define that for us. Let's say the first time I've heard someone say that term. So what does that mean to you and how do you teach that to your clients? It's a phrase that I want to own actually. Digital ownership is about owning your habits, owning your space. So whether it's owning it in the way that you show up as your personal brand or the real estate of your profile.

or if it's owning that, you know what, if social media makes you feel bad about yourself, if social media is an addiction, if social media is toxic, owning the fact that you are in charge of who you follow, you are in charge of the notifications that you have turned on, you are in charge of when you look at your phone and for how much time, you can even monitor that data.

And that even though absolutely there are these things in place that these platforms want us to stay on and for longer and for as long as possible and to tell all of our friends about it and make it as shareable as possible. And also you have complete control over that where a lot of people compare social media for example or technology to sugar or alcohol. But sugar and alcohol really have no nutritional benefits and alcohol is something that you can't.

legally consume until you're, you know, 21 or 18, depending upon where you live. But social media and technology are things that all of us have access to. And I really believe that it is more like a refrigerator and you get to decide the groceries that you buy. And if you want to be that person that you go over the refrigerator constantly and every hour, even when you're not hungry or you're eating when you're not hungry or you're self sabotaging when you have those goals, that's on you.

Are there certain pieces in our brain where the dopamine gets hit and we want to go back? Yes. But also it's up to us to determine do I have a problem? And if so, what is that all about? If you even are in that place of I want to take a break from social media, great, go take a break, go take a week off, go take 30 days off. I don't care. Like you do you boo boo. But when you come back, I want you to have learned the lesson so that you don't run into that problem again. Are you following people who suck?

Are you friending people in real life who suck and are fake? Is your feed a highlight reel? If so, is the way that you are depicting yourself to the world a highlight reel? Because you don't want to get deep and you don't want to get vulnerable and you don't want to be scared. You know, do you have all our notifications turned on because you're constantly looking for the validation of likes or DMs or views? Or are you able to walk away from that?

We have so much more control than we would think. And if you are the type of person who you're constantly blaming the algorithm or blaming the platform or blaming, well, it's the time of day or the hashtags or whatever, I would ask yourself, where else does that show up in your life? Are you that person who you blame everybody else for the state of your business or your relationships or your family? Or can you start taking ownership?

in some of those habits that then start to show up in other areas of your life. And yes, we just went to church and expect for the rest of the episode to be very similar. I was just going to say, I think we can end it here. Thank you. This has been great. That was amazing. Mic drop. Yeah. We're just, we're just going to bow out. Yeah. Everybody who just listened to all that, you're welcome. This is Giselle and we have plenty more where that came from. I

I have to say I love the refrigerator analogy because I think diet and weight loss and yo -yoing between different weights and trying different workout methods, that's an analogy and a lifestyle habit and routine that a lot of people can relate to. And I love how you're bridging it to social because it's right. You are in charge of the gyms you go to, the workouts you do, the food that you buy. And if it's in the fridge, you're going to eat it. Or do you need to maybe reflect and practice a little bit of self -control and self -reflection like social?

doesn't necessarily change you, but it seems to magnify what other things you have the ability to improve and work on in yourself. And I love that. Favorite analogy, will credit you totally using it like right now. Digital moderation is something that all of us need to learn. And for a lot of us, we've had to learn that and perhaps the hard way when it comes to things like food and weight loss.

And my challenge would be that rather than being that person who totally mills it in for most of the year and then January 1st shows up and you try to be something that you've never been, why not be something that is consistent? And consistent doesn't have to be every single day, but just finding those happy mediums for you. Because yeah, even though for me, social media is my business and I live and breathe it.

Do I have days where I'm doom scrolling? Do I have times when I'm just there for fun? Do I spend hours and hours watching it like my TV? Yeah, I do. And also I recognize, wait a minute, why am I spending time on profiles that are making me feel worse about myself versus spending time on profiles that are making me feel better or like I can or like there's a light at the end of the tunnel? And a lot of women especially blame social media for

my God, like this is making me feel so bad about my body. This is making me, know, social media. I'm so scared for my child. Hold on a second, ladies. Let's take a look back at what body image looked like for us in our teens. Because what I remember is all we had were magazines. All we had were America's Next Top Model and Miss USA and Miss America. And there was one type of body image. And there were very few colors. There were very few sizes.

and there was a lot of photo shopping that had no type of regulation whatsoever, which we still don't. Now, however, how awesome that you can log into social media and anybody can put themselves out there and define what is beautiful for them.

And in fact, social media has helped me in my ups and downs being from, you know, a size zero to a size 14, where I've been like, my God, that girl can rock a crop top. Why don't I think that I can pull off a crop top? She's bigger than me or, my God, she is gorgeous. And she has acne or freckles or moles or hyperpigmentation. Why don't I see that about myself? And so again, if all you're seeing is one type of body image on your feed, that is on you. If all you're seeing is filtered, that is on you.

If all you're showing up is as is with a filter, then you're going to attract probably more of that. And you're going to continue to distort your own journey about body image versus how wonderful it is that now we have this massive Rolodex of what beautiful and ideal and extraordinarily average is for us. And I think that that is remarkable. And I wish I would have had more of that when I was in high school.

to see people with my olive skin tone or my type of curves or my crazy hair. Average. Which we all are. Extraordinarily average. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, think about that for a moment. It makes you feel like, absolutely. And I think that this often comes up with people who are maybe newer to social media. So they just got on Instagram. They just got on TikTok.

and the algorithm is maybe making some assumptions about them, right? They're like, she's a 40 year old woman. She doesn't have kids or she does, or, you know, like she must be into beauty. She must be thinking about her wrinkles. She must be thinking about this. So they're going to automatically feed me things that I'm that might trigger me. That may be like, damn, the algorithm knows I'm getting old. The algorithm knows I need to, you know, do all these things to myself right now. But as I'm using social media, the more time I'm spending on the thing that I don't want to see,

the algorithm is believing I want to see more of that. And so taking digital ownership, going back to that thought is going on there and actually typing in what I want to see. Like, I want to see, you know, size six girls, or I want to see women in their forties dressing stylish, or I want to see like, you know, what is actually connecting to me. And I think that when you take that ownership and you look for the things you want to see, you will be happier when you're scrolling because they're going to feel like

what you need instead of what the algorithm assumed that you needed when you got on. Yesterday, I was recommended a video of eye makeup if you're over in your over 30s. You know, we didn't have makeup tutorials back then. We didn't have all these ideas for skin care. And sure, there is, of course, the flip side of it of now we're seeing all of these different procedures and fillers and injectables. But again, you get to decide.

what you want to be and you get to decide what you lack. And where a lot of people think, my God, social media, it's this comparison rabbit hole dumpster fire. Comparison is only bad when you are comparing yourself and believing that it is showing you what you are missing versus you can also find comparison and realize I'm doing okay. Or you know what, if they can do it, so can I.

Or, you know what, I felt really alone, but how awesome that somebody else is going through this. There are so many struggles that have been destigmatized because of the ways that anybody can share on social media. And it's not just picked out by a producer or a casting director or a reality show. It's people who you can identify with, not even necessarily celebrities, but people who you feel like, that's my person. And wait a minute, they're sober curious too?

or wait a minute, they have ADHD too? Or wait a minute, they went through a breakup, they went through a panic attack and you can find some of those commonalities that actually give you more compassion rather than that comparison. It is really what you make it, right? And where you hang out and what you engage with. And I love that you called out that it is destigmatizing a lot of things that were very much.

Photoshopped over or didn't make the editorial cut when we were all growing up and only had magazines at our discretion. And so, you you do and are very transparent in that you have ADHD and I'm not going to say struggle with ADHD. Like I want to delete that language. Well, you are you are learning to make it work with you. And so, you know, knowing that and knowing that you are very much an advocate for boundaries, for ownership, radical responsibility. I love it.

in your business now, being an entrepreneur, a speaker, a creator, a coach, how do you define success? I guess now, or maybe even also, how did you define it when you first got started? my goodness. I think about the first apartment that I lived in after college and my roommate and I got this really nice bottle of champagne as a gift. And rather than opening it, we decided, you know what, let's put it in the fridge and let's manifest that.

we're gonna pop this bottle of champagne when we get like a really, really big job and we're gonna celebrate. And I think one or two or maybe even three years went by and we still hadn't opened up that bottle of champagne because we never even clearly defined what that really big money job would look like. And even though in fact we had achieved so much in those three years, we just looked at that champagne bottle and it made us feel worse and worse and worse about ourselves.

And I think especially being someone who I have ADHD where once I get the goal, it's immediately I want to move into the next one and I want to go over the next one or that's not good enough. And one of the things that I am continuously working through and Candice is such a good friend and that she helps me with this too, is taking a moment to pause in those little victories and the small ones and realizing that success isn't just about

the money or the job. It's also about the relationships that you've built. It's the relationship that you have with yourself. It might be your ability to save money versus what you spend it on. It might be the ways that you are taking vacation. Really big one that Candace helps me with and helps me plan. And she helps me with because I'm sure if you're listening to this, maybe you are of the mentality that vacation has to be earned.

At one point in my career, it seemed impossible and also seemed like something I never wanted to do and was a feeling of weakness because what do you mean? I do what I love every single day, then why would I need to take a vacation from this? Not realizing, no, that's exactly what it is. And really asking yourself, why am I working so hard?

What is the destination? What am I trying to get to? Because if it is, I want to be able to have quote unquote freedom, or I want to be able to take that trip or take my family to these lengths. Okay, well, when are you going to do that? When are you going to do that? When are you going to take the time to actually appreciate it and experience the life that you've worked so hard for and that you believe that you deserve? So I'm still trying to decide what I...

think success means to me, but that's one of them. And then the other one that I'm also learning is success is what I can bring to other people, where I feel like former me used to think that I used to be the one who needed to be at the top. I had to be at the top of the building or number one in the ranks, and now I find more joy even in what I've built with coaching, even in what I've built with my talent bureau.

I actually now get more joy when I get to sit back and I get to watch other people in the spotlight. I get to see their followers go beyond mine. I get to see their businesses go beyond mine. I get to learn from them as much as they're learning from me. And previously I used to see that as like, my God, I'm not moving fast enough. my God, that's a weakness. And instead I now see it as a mark of, no, you're doing your job exactly how you're supposed to be doing it. That means you're doing a great job.

We're seeing this as a theme because we just had Ryan on and Ryan Serhant was saying the same thing that now he's defining success as what he sees he can help others achieve. And that's like the thing that's really fulfilling him now. It's not just about him or the dollar amount that he can make. It's about helping other people reach their goals and their dreams and see new possibilities in their own lives. So that's a theme among leaders. I love it. Yep.

So with ADHD, Giselle, I know we have listeners who are also are dealing with this. Can you give some tips or key ingredients, some things that you've learned that help you to be, to be someone who owns multiple businesses and has ADHD? Like what have you learned to do that helps you feel good about, you know, what you're doing on the daily?

Totally. So I am somebody who I was diagnosed very late in life and I have simply chosen for my journey. This is not medical advice, but I've simply chosen for my journey that I'm not going to go the medicated route. And I'm also someone who I really didn't think that that could possibly be me. I really just thought that so many of the things that come with this neurodivergence were me experiencing weakness.

as a human being, as an adult, and as a woman. So for example, things like I find comfort in clutter. Things like for me, cooking and cleaning and doing laundry, I don't love doing that. Whereas I have so many friends who also especially happen to be women who they love cleaning. They can't stand will fold all of your clothes, Giselle. Candice will come over and fold my laundry for fun.

I wait until the last minute for everything. I'm always three minutes late. I love putting things into piles. That is how my brain functions. I give myself only just enough time to get ready or to go to the airport and it drives other people insane. you guys would be impressed with her get ready time?

She could be ready in seven minutes. If she has 14, she'll take it. But if it's only three, she could be ready too. And she's going to look amazing. I'm impressed. I have no doubt. It's so funny hearing you call out all of these factors because before we hopped on, I was sharing that like my hubs, he also has ADHD and he is...

exploring the medication route, but I honestly even feel he's on a journey similar to yours where he wants to learn to live with it and accept it and just name it and, and learn to cope with it because the piles, like I joy in folding laundries, similar to Candice, but the piles around our apartments used to drive me nuts until I realized he's just different than I am not good or bad or cause there's so much shame and guilt that can be racked up for this type of disorder. But I love that we're you're vanquishing it by naming it and

and not shying away from it. So that's really inspiring. I actually believe that in every incredible relationship that there is that one person who they are a little messy or they are more creative or they are the visionary. And then there's the other person who they love to plan. They love to be organized. They love to even think ahead and calendar. Like calendaring, not my love language.

And I'm also someone who I am a quick start, hate crossing the finish line. I'll get really, really close, but I'll have so many projects going on at once and I can't finish things. Like my to -do list is never ending. So if any of those things sound like you, I'm not diagnosing you with ADHD, but you might, you may be.

And one of the things that I have found, especially among women, is that part of why we're diagnosed later in life is that most studies in the past had been done on boys and also young boys. So it's seen as things such as acting out in the classroom or not being able to do well in school, not being able to focus in on tests. Whereas with women, it's just seen a little bit differently or we are able to mask it differently, just in the ways that

we have been raised societally as girls. And I just didn't realize that there were a handful of instances in my life where it was set up to help me make my ADHD my superpower. Now, let me just be so clear on that because I think it would be irresponsible if I said ADHD is a superpower. It's not for everyone, but I have been able to make it mine. And so, for example, when I was younger, I went to a Montessori school.

And in my Montessori school, everybody goes at their own pace. What does that mean? So let's just say that first period was math. So I would do math, and I could do as much as I wanted to in those 30 minutes. I could go as far as I wanted to in those 30 minutes. And then as soon as I was done, I could move on. So it allowed for me to focus on the thing that I was really, really, really excited about, to go at my own pace, which in some ways was faster than other people, or maybe slower.

but I could use that time how I wanted to versus to having to go at the exact same pace as everybody else. I also had a mom who also had ADHD and her unknowingly made my home really, really easy to be able to maneuver and I didn't realize what she was doing. So for example, I didn't realize that we had this unspoken agreement that I would put clothes all over the floor and when I would come home, they would magically be picked up.

So she was like creating a clean environment for me in a way that I could not create myself. Did this come and slap me in the face when I went to college and was my college roommate appalled as was I when my clothes did not magically clean themselves up off the floor? No. But what it taught me was something that I didn't realize a lot of people with ADHD don't know how to do, which was how to delegate. Because while there was a period where I did start

learning how to do my own laundry the hard way and turning things pink and whatever, I ended up getting a job that allowed for me to start sending my laundry out in college and allowed me to have a relationship with this laundry company that gave me discounts on said laundry. And so it allowed for me to take one more thing off of my plate that I wasn't good at, that my brain didn't have to worry about. And I didn't realize that I was creating

not only ways for my ADHD brain to operate, but also how I, as an entrepreneur, didn't have to do everything myself. And that is something that a lot of people who run their own businesses or they're leaders in their team or they have ADHD and they're in any position, what we don't realize is that in these symbiotic relationships, there is hopefully a good leader and a good manager.

A good leader is usually not a good manager. And a good manager can be a good leader, but they're not always the best visionary. And so that's why it is stronger when you have this couple in best friendship, in romantic relationships, or even in businesses.

If you are familiar with the entrepreneurial operating system, which is like the business Bible, there's a book called Traction. A lot of people run their businesses using it. They say at the top of every successful organization, you need to have a visionary and an integrator. And to put that, you know, really basically there is going to be a person who, when you see a mountain, they go, my God, I want to climb to the top of that mountain. And they immediately start running and they get so excited. But then you have the other person who's like, hold on.

How many miles? How long is it going to take? What are our Did you your sunblock? Right. Did we pack enough food? How many changes of clothes? And then there's me who's like, it's fine. I don't care. We'll figure it out. I'll make clothes out of leaves. I'll drink my own pee. It doesn't matter. We'll figure it out. It's going to be great. Look at the mountain. We want to get there before sunset. It's going to be so much fun. at the drink the own pee bar. I'm going to be like, there's better ways. think we could do something else. Yeah, that's not clever girl approved.

But Giselle, you literally just described every road trip I have ever gone on with my hubs, like legit. He's just like, let's just pick up. I'm like, no, I'm like, who's going to watch Piper and Blaze? What are our pit stops? are the like, literally I just, the last three road trips we took flash before my eyes. So thank you for that. That is, I feel so seen. Yeah. But what I have found working with people in business is that oftentimes these two people

don't know about partnership, they don't believe in partnership, or they believe that they are supposed to be good at doing it all. And so you have the integrator personality who gets down on themselves because they don't see the big mountain. They don't have their head in the clouds. They can't see beyond the tasks that are immediately in front of them. They feel bad about themselves because they are risk averse and they see so many people succeeding who are risk takers.

And then you have the risk taker personality who feels so bad about themselves because they aren't organized. They don't know how to delegate. They are so hard on themselves because they're not great at managing tasks or managing people. And so how can you be a good leader if you're not good at managing tasks or people? But in actuality, that is exactly how it is supposed to be. And that is totally normal. And that is actually when you shouldn't be thinking of entrepreneurship as a lonely place, but you should be trying to figure out

who could that number two or that B person be for you where together you would actually be stronger. And when you bring those weaknesses to light, it allows for your superpowers to shine and for you to be able to go about this not being alone. And if you can find that person and if you're willing to take that time, unfortunately, there are so many people who you have that ADHD.

tendencies or you actually do have ADHD or you are that visionary personality and you just get stuck in this wheel of shame and you get stuck into thinking that you have to do it all by yourself and the next thing you know you are out of money, you're out of energy, you're burnt out, like you just can't and that's a very lonely, dark and scary place to be and not to get dark but like we hear that so often that entrepreneurship is this lonely place.

And what I have found is that entrepreneurship is only lonely when you are determined not to make friends. But what we don't see is that we think that, someone's just going to come to rescue me. Someone's just going to come and check in. No. People don't see what they don't see. And if you're not willing to be the first one to be vulnerable or to ask for help or to own your weakness or to own what you're struggling with,

you're not going to be able to find the solution and you're not going to be able to find companionship. And that is true in business. That is true in marriage. Everywhere. And that's where I feel like it would be so much of a better place. And even where social media can come into play with sharing some of these struggles that were so much better when we have each other versus thinking we can do it all alone.

Yep, I think that's something that holds entrepreneurs back from making those key relationships is the shame that comes with if I pull back the curtain, they're going to see what a mess I really am. And then maybe they're going to not think that I'm good enough or they're going to know every point of weakness that I have or every insecurity that I have. And that's going to make me less successful or whatever that might be. But the reality of it is

all great partnerships compliment one another. And there's no, there's not even an A or B. It's like, I need this person. Dom and I always say, this is so cheesy and I'm embarrassed to say this, but Dom and I always say like, we're like a puzzle piece. Like, it's like these pieces just fit together. We just like compliment one another. And my favorite friendships, like those ones that just seem really easy are the ones where it's like, there's no like,

That's wrong and this is right. It's just like, okay, I'm going to do this and you're going to do that because that's our zones of genius and that's great. and so I do think that is hard for entrepreneurs and leaders, especially as you continue to grow to be okay with being vulnerable and letting people know you don't know everything. We're never going to know everything, but I think that there's people who are holding themselves back from building relationships because

They don't want other people to know that they don't know everything. Well, and think about even our friendship, Candice. Like, there are probably so many people who the ones who don't think that we're actually related because we look so much alike. But there are are so many people who the three of us, anybody else who's in our field would say, well, like, that's your competition or, know, that that's like you like, well, you probably don't want to bring her because, OK, you can look at it that way.

Or I can go, my gosh, here is this person who they are part of the 1 % of the 1 % that actually understands what I'm going through and struggling with in my life, in my business, in my brain. And again, either you can keep doing you and you can keep being lonely. Kind of goes back to what I just said about entrepreneurship being a lonely place because you don't want to make friends. You can keep being committed to being misunderstood.

which is really what it is. Like, nobody understands me. Does nobody understand you, or are you committed to being misunderstood? Because if you aren't willing, that's the social bite right there. man. are you, does nobody understand you, or are you committed to being misunderstood? Because if you don't even take the time to explain yourself, if you don't even know what you want or what you need,

How can you expect anybody else to help you with that or to even know that you're having a hard time or that you're struggling? So you need to potentially be that brave one who goes first because even think about the most meaningful relationships that you have in your life.

They're not superficial and surface level. You've gone through shit together. You've seen some shit together. You've maybe even actually gone through it simultaneously side by side. They see, for example, Candace coming over when my house is a mess and she's helping me to fold my laundry and doing so without makeup on and in my pajamas and going through heartbreak together. That's what built our relationship.

not, my god, you posted the viral video and your hair looks so good and how is that Pilates class? Like that's the same thing when it comes to building trust in all of your relationships and friendships in your peer groups and in your business. And if you're going to try to pretend like you have it all figured out, that's not

how it works. Like the best entrepreneurs, it's not that we didn't fail, it's that we know that we're gonna fail. We know we're gonna get rejected. We know we're gonna make mistakes. We know we're gonna fall on our face and constantly. And we also know that in spite of that, we're gonna keep getting up or that those are things that are going to make us better. And if you're constantly in avoidance of those things, you're not gonna get any better. And that's also even a sign of growth. If you don't have imposter syndrome, then either you're complacent,

Or you're lying. if you like, like, think about that for a moment. There we go. I agree. We agree. And so that's like, that's, think, something that, that some of you really truly need to hear and it's going to shake you to your core. might even make you upset. And that might also be where you need to lean in and go, damn. All right. So what am I going to do? What am I going to do next? What are you going to do about it? Ownership.

So shifting gears here a bit, you had kind of hinted at it, which I love it. We always love to rip off all the band -aids and give the real, real, the unapologetic here on Not Nice Clever. And so one question we love to ask of the leaders that we bring on the podcast is talking about when things weren't great, when you were in those seemingly low lows that really were just on the trajectory upward, but...

that low, moment like Ryan would call it his yogurt moment. I call it my bell cart moment. we all have those. So share with us a little bit. You can go into as little as much detail, but that moment, what got you through? What was it like? How do you look at it differently now having been through it? Absolutely. Well, first of all, I've had a lot of them and, and I pro again, I probably would have answered this differently just depending upon what season I was in. So

I'll go with the one that I think people need to hear the most. So what I would have said previously is that breakups are the best and that some of my breakthroughs have happened after going through the worst breakups in terms of relationships, clients, or friendships, because you really realize who the fuck you are in those moments when you pick yourself back up and you're not reliant on somebody else. But today I'll share a different story, which was I, a few years ago, was driving with a whole bunch of girlfriends. I wasn't drinking that night.

And we had just the best time going out dancing in Wisconsin in the Midwest. it was just this beautiful summer night. Everything was awesome. And the girls are starting to fall asleep in the back. Some of them are singing along to some Boys to Men on the radio. And I'm driving. And all of a sudden, I start to notice that I'm looking at the signs, but I can't actually read them. I realize that I'm.

in a car, but I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm looking down at my feet and I'm not sure what they're supposed to be working. I can't even think of the words right and left and accelerate or decelerate or hit the brakes. I felt like I was having a stroke. I felt like my body was slowly starting to shut down. And I saw a police car just red and blue lights. And I remember not remembering what I was supposed to do in that moment.

Am I supposed to go towards the police car? Am I supposed to get out of the way? I really didn't know. And when I swiveled, one of my girlfriends woke up and she suddenly noticed like something is wrong here. And she asked if I was okay and I couldn't make words. And what kind of stumbled out was I'm not in the right place. And I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to make sentences. And I ended up...

somehow being able to pull over and she helped me steer the wheel to pull over. And immediately after we pulled over and I got into park, my whole body just went limp. And I started to think about just like everything. I really in that moment thought that I was dying. Like I thought my brain was shutting down. I thought that I was about to pass out. I rolled into the passenger seat. She started to drive towards the hospital and

Long story short, as it turns out, I wasn't having a stroke. My brain wasn't shutting down. I wasn't having a heart attack. What was actually happening was I was having a panic attack. And we use the word panic and anxiety in everyday language. But in that moment, I was completely disassociated and really, truly thought I was going.

to die. And my whole body composition changed and I wasn't even stressed out about any particular thing in that moment. I was having the time of my life. I was out with my girlfriends. Like I wasn't thinking about work. I wasn't thinking about anything. But I had even like those near death questions that go through your mind, which for me was, are you living your life authentically? Do the people in your life know how much you love them?

And would you be proud of the legacy that you're leaving behind? And I really had to think about that. And those were questions that haunted me for days afterwards. But what I also realized in the days afterwards was when it first happened, I was like, I don't know how that happened. I was having a great time. Everything was good. But when I really had to sit with myself and ask, am I OK? I was using the word fine a lot. And I was not fine.

and I was not okay. I was not sleeping enough. I was working way too much. I was lying to myself about what job and role people had and if they were doing a good job and if they were doing their role and I was being very nice to a lot of people, but I was being horrible to myself. And it really forced me.

to have no choice other than to be very careful going forward about how I managed my time, how I managed my energy, and who I wanted to spend my time with. Because if I was on this trajectory of building my business to what I wanted it to be, I was doing it at the expense of my health, of my relationships, of my reputation, and what's it all for if not?

that or if you can't even live to see it. And so if that, you felt that in any way listening to this, you know, maybe you haven't gone through that or maybe you've gone through something worse. It was one of those pivotal moments in my life where I will never be the same again. Candice knows like I used to be someone who would brag about how little sleep I needed. And now that is the most sacred thing in my life. It's changed my relationship with how I travel.

how I drink or don't. And also, I've gotten rid of so many of those fake friendships where you think you're going because of what they might be able to do for you or that you want to get out as much as possible or you want to say yes to all of the things and busy means successful. And I don't do that anymore. I absolutely see yes as something that has a price tag on it.

And I see no as a powerful and empowering statement and I'm still learning how to manage my energy but it's something that for me was a very, very low and rock bottom moment for me that changed the trajectory of my life and my business.

Thank you, yes.

If you are half -assing every day and for months, you are not going to get done what you could do if you took a week or two off and came back as your 100 % self, like plain and simple. And what I have even found is that by taking time away, it shows me where there are holes in my business, where I do need help. And Candice, you experienced this when you went to Italy, realizing, my gosh, my business can operate.

by myself or by itself. And what does that mean? But it means you're doing the right thing. It means you're doing something right. And it means you're building a business. So we like to talk a little bit about how some of the things that you used to dream about in your life, the things that you always said you wanted, are actually probably part of your reality today.

So what do you remember maybe five years ago, dreaming about wishing could be true for you that are now just like your everyday reality? Every, there are so many areas of my life where that is the case. Even in terms of the friendships that I have built, I started my career in Los Angeles in entertainment news where it was so cutthroat and so trust no one.

And I found so much empowerment being the only fill in the blank in the room, whether it was the only minority, only woman, and thinking that there was only room for one of us. The horrible unofficial rumor was the best way to get your foot in the door is somebody going on vacation or taking maternity leave, which is just horrible. And so with that, I definitely had this barrier in front of my friendships, especially my female friendships.

And so to now be in a place where I have never had such deep, meaningful, beautiful, magical, unconditionally loving relationships in work and beyond work, that to me is so magical. And to truly see how letting people in can help you go so much further, but also how helping others go further is so much more fulfilling. There's that.

Or even right now I'm in my office in New York and you mentioned five years ago. Like five years ago, I was in a relationship with the person who I thought I was going to marry and we were supposed to move to New York together. And I was willing to make any sacrifice to make it work. Like, okay, fine. I'll live in Jersey. I'll live in Brooklyn. I'll have seven roommates. I don't need an elevator. I don't need a doorman. Like I don't, I can do the quarter wash laundry and to now be in a place where I live.

by myself in a new development building with an extra room for my office and a walk -in closet and a washer dryer and views of one world trade. that was something that my dreams weren't even big enough to handle that. Like this wasn't even something that I wished for. Like this wasn't even on my radar of what I could attain or achieve. And to go from

being willing to make any sacrifice to then being able to have a checklist of my non -negotiables. That has been so pivotal, but to also even have this space to allow for my dreams to get bigger than what they were, which I also think is a God thing more than like a personal work thing where it's, you have those moments.

where you go, one of these days I'll be able to laugh at this or one of these days it'll all make sense. Right? And, and, and so like how wonderful it is to now be in a position where I can look back on those moments and laugh and look back on those tears or falling to my knees and thinking it's the end of the world and be able to like go back at younger Giselle and put my hand on her shoulder and go,

This is why. This is why we did it. And yes, there are certain things that still don't make sense, but this is why that didn't work out. This is why the unexpected turnarounds and plot twist moments. This is why it didn't happen. And, and thank goodness for some of those unanswered prayers. Amen. Yep. I feel that. So I feel that so much. Thank you for sharing that.

so we like to wrap up our guests with a rapid fire around that cat will lead. just rapid fire, gut instinct. What are the answers? And they're silly. Some of them. God. Yeah. I think you're going to be so good at this Giselle though. So here we go. Okay. What was one of your childhood nicknames? Gigi. That's so cute. Can I bring it back? I love it. You can totally bring it back. You absolutely can. Yeah. Yeah. Most of my family doesn't call me anything else.

Go to lazy dinner when you've just had a day. I am an Uber Eats person. So I love sushi. I love even bacon and eggs at night or just a bucket of ice cream. Lots of chocolate, chocolate and Cheetos. Amen. Yep. OK. So this is perfect. Next question. Takis or hot Cheetos? OK. I did this recently at the airport.

where I got Takis and hot Cheetos and I put them in a bag and mixed them and shook them all up together. And put a little lime on it. out a little lime on it. Yeah. All right. Well, when we fly down to Miami in a few weeks, I think I'm going to try that out at DCA. OK. Yes. All right. Next one. What is the best non -curse word, one -word insult? For example, I love to call people a moron. Candice's grandmother, Jabalita, loves to say, like, you are a crumb.

You are just a crumb. You crumb. What is yours? I don't know why this came to mind, but box. Like what a box as in like somebody who like someone who's basic, like they stay in the box. They stay in the confines of the box. Like stupid box. love that. Tiffany Pantozzi also said generic, which is kind of like the long, the same lines, like generic. Like that's like the worst insult. Generic. The other one is baby girl. That's right.

Yeah, baby girl. And that one is non -gender conforming, totally neutral. just like when someone says something really, baby girl. I'm so sorry. honey. Yeah.

Okay. Next one. What makes you nervous? makes me nervous? complacency, complacency. It used to be sitting still, but now it's, it's complacency. Who is your celebrity crush?

Right now I'm watching Suits. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like that's definitely who I'm who I'm crushing on right now. I love it. Okay. Last thing you bought online pair of sneakers. Yeah. I just reloaded on sneakers. I buy I usually buy two pairs of Air Force ones at a time. Sometimes sometimes up to four. Just the whites. Very basic clean.

And they have to be crispy. So I have two at the door that I'm ready to give away and then two that are working their way in. There we go. Okay. Our last two rapid fire. Everyone on not nice clever knows Candice's obsession with being at the airport. I think I already know the answer here, but I'm going to ask you anyway, your vibe for airport arrival time. Is it two minutes or two hours before departure?

It is definitely two minutes. If anything may be negative to final call calling me on the phone. Miss you, Gardi. Are you joining us today? I'm coming sweating. I've gotten a little bit better, but

Yeah, a little sweaty, a little sweaty. Yeah, sweating when you're sitting down next to the person, you're like, sorry, I'm just a little sweaty. OK. And then last rapid fire, all of our listeners know my obsession with Marvel and superheroes and all things Avengers. So you've mentioned superpowers. But if you were a comic book hero, what would your superpower be?

what would my superpower be? Okay. was going to, I thought you were going go for superhero, which I have Wonder Woman all over my Wonder Woman. I know I did see that when we hopped on. Love it. I would be able to speak every language, including sign language. I love that. I'd be able to understand and speak every language. That is a very unique answer, but I love it. So perfect. said, you said rapid fire. So I just went, I just went for it.

Tell our people where they can find you and how they could work with you find me on Instagram The DMs are always always open and my favorite thing to say is show me your receipts Which isn't sign up and coach with me It's it's show me how you took this podcast and you implemented it into your life or it made you think differently So rather than just DMing me thinks that was a great episode. No, no, no DM me and let me know what what did it make you think about? What was aha moment? How are you?

Forgiving your partner for being the sparkly ball chasing visionary that he or she is. Yeah. I'm going to work on that the moment we hop off today. Yes, I love it. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much.