EP205: Addicted to Self-Promotion

Have you ever found yourself caught in the tug-of-war between ambition and humility? Join us as we explore the detrimental effects of boastfulness and celebrate the silent power of staying humble. Tune in now, and let's move toward growth and positive change together!

Key Takeaways To Listen For

• Boastfulness and its negative impact on leadership, business, and your personal life
• Importance of growth and appreciation in achieving success
• Why you shouldn’t believe everything you see on social media
• Actionable ways to stop yourself from bragging and boasting
• How humility inspires positive change and genuine connections

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Dr. Nate Salah
Hello, my friend, and welcome to this episode of A Call to Leadership. I'm Dr. Nate Salah, your host, and I am so glad you are here on this series. We are breaking down the elements of leadership that very few people talk about. It's so impactful. It creates a value proposition that I believe is second to none. It's not fear. It's not power. It is not control. It's love. And you might say, Nate, that sounds kind of touchy-feely. Does that belong in leadership and business and family and life? It absolutely does. It absolutely can demonstrate itself to be worthy, to help lead people to a better future state, to find fulfillment, to find success, to find satisfaction, find purpose and meaning, to achieve our common cause, our worthy cause.

[00:00:50]
So as we continue this journey, we've been talking about different elements of love. We talked about patience and kindness. We talked about envy, and now we're going to talk about another negative aspect, boasting, or boastfulness. And this is an area of leadership that can be toxic. It's an area of leadership that we've all experienced, whether we've been on the receiving end, or whether we've been on the giving end. And it can destroy relationships, it can destroy businesses, it can destroy families, it can destroy communities, it can destroy nations. And so as we break this down, I want you to pay special attention to the factors that create an environment. Where toxicity and where cancerous boasting braggartness can make its way into a life And also the ways that we can cast it off and we can live in truth.

[00:01:41]
We can live in Health we can live in a way that we don't need that to be strong to be successful And we're taking this from the ancient scriptures 1st Corinthians 13 4 through 8 and we're saying leadership, Of course, the verses say love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it's not self-seeking, easily angered, and so on and so on. But if we replaced that terminology with leadership, leadership is patient, leadership is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, and so on and so on. Man, that is amazing leadership. That is leadership that I would be willing to follow, and I hope you would as well. So we're on this track of negative ones. We talked about envy in the last episode and how destructive it is. And now as we move into the next chapter, Of this idea of boasting, right? You say, Nate, could boasting really be so bad bragging? I mean, everyone's done it and some level, right? I mean, how could that be so incredibly problematic. I mean, people are constantly seeking validation through excessive praise and so on.

[00:02:56]
I mean, even myself, you know, I was known by many for years as a successful entrepreneur, a dedicated family man, and an individual who appeared to have it all. Wow. That sounds neat. Are you boasting right now? Hey, it's a way to describe this. Of course, I am. It's an example. However, let's just call it out. Wouldn't we want to be? Seen as a successful entrepreneur. If you're an entrepreneur, a dedicated family man or family woman, if you have a family, wouldn't you want to be seen as an individual who appears to have it all? You know, I found that as I desired this in my own life, beneath the charming exterior. Man, there were flaws that were hidden that threatened to undo these achievements. And as I share this concept with you, I think it'll become illuminated how detrimental, how devastating this idea, this way, if you will, of braggadness. You say, Nate, aren't there so many people who have said braggartly things or boasting things that we just laugh it off, right?

[00:04:02]
You think of the great boxer, Muhammad Ali, formerly Cassius Clay, right? What do you say? I'm the greatest, right? Move like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Isn't that boasting? You know, that would be impossible. However, here's the thing about boasting. Let me, let's just break it down. You know, this is a boastful and a braggart person. Is someone who's constantly seeking validation through excessive self-praise. Constantly seeking validation through excessive self-praise. So let's break that down. Now, he was a champion. And, at the time, he was, in fact, the all-star. He was the greatest. And his moves were quite remarkable. In fact, he did move like a butterfly. And he did sting like a bee. So in some ways you can say he's stating facts. Is he seeking to be validated through that? Don't know for sure. Is it excessive self-praise or is it a bit of marketing? Is it a bit of Showmanship, you know, I think that we make a distinction here. Yes, you can say he was boastful in that way.

[00:05:10]
You can also say it was put on a show. And so I don't want to get to the point to where we're mincing this up and saying, Oh, my goodness, he was on a one-way road to nowhere. Well, truth is, is that. He ended up not being a fulfilled boxer because, of course, if you follow his story, he ended up getting drafted, he didn't go, and he lost his license to fight in the United States and Muhammad Ali ended up, during his formidable years, Was not able to exhibit that full force of his ability. I'm not saying that one thing led to another. However, sometimes we don't get to experience that again. I'm not saying that that's the reason why he ended up not being able to bask in his full glory. However, there's the flip side and it's very dangerous. And so, you know, we see this, not just in what we see in the world around us, but even in our own lives and business dealings.

[00:06:06]
Have you ever, heard someone say in a business environment, someone has searched, I'm the best in the industry? No one can match my skills, right? I'm responsible for the achievements of this organization. You ever roll your eyes at someone with these massively grandiose claims. You ever feel disheartened by someone's lack of collaboration. Lack of recognition for other people's contributions. I've been there. There's times where even if we thrive financially or with our success in business, the atmosphere within this kind of environment can grow toxic. And that is a massive problem in business. And we find this, that even excessive, and this is, you know, excessive Environments where there's an excessive sense of boastfulness or braggarty, it can create an environment of ego-driven dynamics of negative competition. And then what happens to collaboration? Collaboration gets squelched, it gets deterred, it can stifle innovation, phrases such as. I'm the best. No one can match my skills. I single-handedly achieve this success. Man, these are so detrimental to a business environment. They not only undermine teamwork but they erode trust within the workplace.

[00:07:22]
Individuals, I'm going to tell you this, who boast excessively, they can actually perceive even less competent, less deserving of leadership positions. And boasting contributes to this toxic corporate culture. Employees then feel undervalued. They feel overshadowed by these self-promoting superiors. So it does not belong in a business environment. I love the environment where titles are simply a way to describe what someone responsibility is. As a leader in my business, my role as the CEO is not to exert lordship or to say, the reason why I'm your CEO is because I'm better than all of you little people. No, not at all. It's simply just a responsibility and a way that means that I am the chief shepherd. I am the chief steward. It means that I get the responsibility of making sure that all the people on my team get to do their best possible work and provide the resources for them. You see, my importance is not overstated. I'm not responsible for the success of the business single handedly.

[00:08:37]
Everyone is responsible. We're all responsible for achieving success. We're all responsible for sharing in our skills. We're all responsible for doing the best possible work. And that no one person is praised over another. Now granted, there are times where one individual exhibits exemplary performance in a certain value of our business, whether it be responsiveness or client care or having a sense of integrity in how they conduct themselves in a business environment having a growth mindset where they're constantly learning. These are benchmarks. And so what we do is we elevate the action that leads us to our best possible performance and say that action is in line with how we want to succeed. And what we want to do is show our appreciation. For the elevation of that particular value in growing in that way together. I think that's a healthier way to approach this idea to move into a position to where we are not the only individual responsible for the very best in a business environment.

[00:09:58]
And so that's just a little bit about business, but it also applies to our family. In a family boasting can take on different forms and most ways it does it can be devastating a family think about like when you're at a family gather think about individuals at the gathering this might hit home for some. I know it's at home for me where someone is just emphasizing their material possessions they pull up in a nice car, there’s nothing wrong with nice cars I've got nice cars but to where it's a symbol of an accomplishment, where it is like look at me, I am making a statement at look at what I've accomplished. Or maybe it's not my material. Maybe it's not my house or my car or any of that. Maybe my children. Look at my kids. You show up to a family event and my kids are perfect, right? So what do you do? You smile politely as a relative, but deep down you feel alienated. You feel disconnected. You know, we crave genuine connection that celebrates shared achievements rather than unattainable standards. And here's the thing, friends. It is not true. No one has a perfect family. No one has perfect kids. No. One.

[00:11:11]
Has the actual life that we see on social media, the perfect life through the posts, the vacations that are living the dream LTD, right? It's a superficial pursuit of admiration really is what it comes down to at the expense of true contentment. By the way, Hey, look, I post pictures of family members and what we do and things like that. I don't want to ever portray it as perfect. I don't want to ever portray as living the dream. Some people call Facebook fake book and here's the thing. There's no perfect life I've had people come up to me and say boy Nate, do you see this family and they're constantly posting how wonderful their life is, and our life is perfect, and I don't know how I could ever attain that listen friend people who constantly boast about their personal lives It's an idealized image and that idealized image Is not accurate about life.

[00:12:06]
I can tell you this from experience because some of those same people who I get to interact with share, listen, I'm struggling here and there and there. Life is far from perfect. They're just not broadcasting. So no, it's not a perfect journey for many. And so don't think that because you see someone's post and they're. Showing that they're having the best life now. You're not going to find a lot of truth in that the material possessions we have, the people in our lives, even if we boast about them today, you know, here's the other thing. A lot of ways people are seeking validation, right? A lot of ways there may be challenges within the own heart.

[00:12:44]
I know I've faced it in my own heart. I've found that there's a pressure sometimes even to present this perfect life this wonderful existence and it can lead to stress, anxiety feelings of inadequacy. I'm telling you it's a peril that we can experience and we need to shift our minds away from that Shift our hearts away from that because it is the slippery slope down that road. Let me tell you and I've experienced it One of the ways that we do this is to foster a sense of self-awareness. We have to find ourselves at a crossroads and whether it's through watching a podcast or a leadership seminar or time for introspective, we've got to realize the negative impact of boastfulness on our behavior on those around us deep inside.

[00:13:29]
We have to realize something has to change, not just for the sake of our own success, by the way, but for the sake of others who we care about. So we've got to go on a journey of growth of transformation. We have to reflect. On our own really insecurities and understand the root of our needs for constant validation. We have to let go of the ego. We have to let go and replace our boastful language with supportive words, with supportive actions. Take the focus off of us. Now, don't get me wrong. There's a difference between boasting and sharing your accomplishments and say a resume. You know, when I share on the show that I've earned a PhD and I teach at a university and these are the aspects I'm doing my best to elevate why I say what I say.

[00:14:12]
Give you some background and some context so that you understand where I'm coming from. That's a difference in sharing your past and your credentials from boasting. There's a clear differentiation that there's nothing wrong, absolutely nothing wrong with sharing your credentials, sharing your achievements and highlighting those milestones so that others can understand why you might be a value proposition for them for whatever it is. When people ask me about taxes and they say, Nate, how long have you been doing? Tax advisory and business advisory. I said almost 30 years, right? That's not boasting It's simply explaining so that people understand my runway and they feel more comfortable wanting to do business with me because it establishes your credibility that's a much different approach. Now if I were to say that I'm the foremost tax expert on the planet and I can beat the IRS any day, Gosh, no way Oh my goodness.

[00:15:05]
That's the first step to complete and total destruction. Now, I don't know everything about the tax code. In fact, here's what the statement I make, the tax code is over 6, 780 pages last time I checked and it changes every year. It's complicated. There's no way I could possibly know that. But what I do is I share as I say, you know, I have a team, a wonderful team. We do all the possible research we can to find you the best ways to help you with your finances. And to help you save money, reduce your obligation, tax shelters, we'll do that together. It's a much different approach, friend, and we can each embody that. It takes steps to do that. We have to foster collaboration.

[00:15:46]
We have to recognize the contributions. Of our team. We have to recognize the contributions of everyone around us. We have to shift from saying I'm the best to offering genuine praise acknowledging the expertise of our colleagues this change I'm telling you is a game changer. It creates an environment where not only creativity flourishes But trust among one another it begins to deepen and that is in a business environment in a family environment Let's abandon our need for perceived perfection. You know what? Let's focus on actively listening to our loved ones, to empathizing with their struggles, to celebrate their accomplishments. If we can acknowledge that true joy is not found in elevating ourselves, but it's found in nurturing The kind of relationships in our families that seek to rebuild bonds that might have been strained, bonds that might have been broken by our past behaviors, we can reclaim those.

[00:16:44]
And we can be personally transformed so that we can have the kind of life that is authentic. And the lessons we learn along the way we can share through vulnerability. We can inspire others to find joy alongside of us with their and our Paths. We can create supportive networks. We can celebrate each other's successes. That is a much different place than the place of having excessive boasting. That's really not found in any way, shape, or form to have value. In fact, in the scriptures, another word, for boasting is vainglory. It's a compound word. And I've seen it in other areas, too, in scripture. It's in the Old Testament also where David, the king, is naming or numbering his kingdom, numbering the people in his kingdom. And one instance in scripture, the writer says that, calls this vainglory. And so, what does that mean? To be vain or to have vanity is that no real meaning or value. Glory is praise, honor, and distinction. So vain glory is praise, honor, and distinction, which has no real meaning or value. It's empty. That is the heart of the individual who needs to make a change.

[00:18:02]
Make a change today and defeat the perils of boasting and leadership. Now, there is a place where boasting is actually approved and it is a good thing. Say, Nate, haven't you been talking about boasting being negative and toxic and destructive? Yes. Listen to these words, which are found in the place where we started in terms of how we can elevate are giftings that we have in a way that's healthy. Here's what Paul said in the book of Corinthians. Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards. Not many were influential. Not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. God chose the weak things of the world To shame the strong, God chose the lowly things of this world, and the despised things, and the things that are not, to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God.

[00:19:07]
That is our righteousness, holiness, and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, let the one who boasts Boast in the Lord. I believe that's where Jesus is talking about letting our light shine in Matthew 5:16 where he is Talking about our giftings and saying yes, share your giftings but for a purpose and this is how he says it like light so shine before others that they see your good works and glorify your father in heaven my friend there is such a beautiful purpose. There is such a beautiful joy and majesty to taking what we have, our giftings, and laying it at the feet of God and saying, thank you for all of your giftings. It's not of me. I am not going to have vainglory. I'm not going to have praise, honor, and distinction that has no real meaning or value. I'm going to give it all back to you.

[00:20:02]
May we foster an attitude of humility. May we celebrate the achievements of others. Acknowledge the contributions of others. May we embrace vulnerability. Share the authenticity of the challenges and the setbacks in our own journey. That is so incredibly inspiring and attractive. By demonstrating this vulnerability, we can create a safe space for others to share in their struggles as well. Foster that empathetic heart within our professional, within our personal circles. Let us encourage one another and remember that our leadership is not measured solely by personal accomplishment, but rather by our ability to inspire our ability to empower our ability to lift others up. Let us cast off boasting, embrace the humility, the vulnerability, the empathy, which transforms our leadership style and impacts the lives of those we lead to build a world where success is celebrated collectively, relationships are nurtured supportively, and we can grow together with one another with hope and with conviction.

[00:21:07]
Well, my friend, we did it. I'm so honored you were able to join me on this episode of A Call to Leadership. Now, this might not be for everyone because you really have to be in a certain place in order to take the kind of steps to level up your leadership. And I want you to be taking steps. And for those of you who feel like you're ready for something like this, there's a place you can go. You can go to our website, greatsummit.com. I'll make sure that's in the show notes, but here's the cool thing that we have, we have a masterclass. We have all different kinds of events. We even have our leadership club where you can meet other people just like you to go deeper in your leadership journey. You and I all get to spend some time together and really focus on aiming for greatness. I can't wait to see you there. I'm Dr. Nate Salah, and this is A Call to Leadership.