[00:00:00] Dr. Nate Salah
Hello, my friend, and welcome to this episode of A Call to Leadership. I'm Dr. Nate Salah, your host. I am so glad you are here. Well, on this episode of the program, we are continuing our conversation around an aspect of leadership that is so resonant, so important, so impactful, so attractive, yet so little discussed. It is the power of inspiration, it is the power of influence that is so deeply embedded in who we are as human beings. It is the one aspect of humanity that every human being craves for at some point in their lives. It's love. Love is the center of effective leadership, especially for those who aspire to become servant leaders.
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And love not the, necessarily that we are thinking of someone in a romantic way, it is the actions and the attributes and the characteristics that are ingrained in effective leadership, patience, kindness, not being a person who has a desire to be envious or boastful or full of false pride. All of those are faulty. No, those are ideals that those who walk in a leadership model that loves are ones that are able to transform lives to do far greater. than they ever thought possible. It's an attitude of superior strength, not weakness. It is an attitude of giving, not taking. It's an attitude of success. And so as we continue this journey, we've been talking about this attribute for five episodes.
[00:01:39]
This is number six. And our sixth installment Is that leadership or love is not rude. Another way to put it is, is does not dishonor others. What does it mean to be rude? Does it matter in society? Are we in a place in society where we can dishonor each other so incredibly much? I think the answer is yes. I think that we are in a place where we cancel people. We are so incredibly pervasively biting. That's what rudeness is, like a bitter windchill. And it seeps into the interactions between people. It leaves discomfort. It leaves disconnection. Honestly, friend, it's insidious. It undermines the fabric of society by eroding trust, eroding respect, eroding cooperation.
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And if we don't get a hold of it, if we don't get a hold of incivility. It can stand between us and the power of real, true, meaningful change that's healthy. And so if you have sharp business acumen, if you have a strength of character, I invite you to encounter this idea of taking rudeness, taking this heinous practice of dishonoring one another and setting it and casting it away because you might have been a person I've been a person or you might know someone who exhibits dishonoring in business. Maybe you know someone who publicly criticizes, you know, just very critical of others during a board meeting for any meeting, belittling teammates, ideas, leaving people feeling humiliated. Maybe you've seen people who have been massively impatient, quick at interrupting others with abruptness of hand gestures.
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If discussions don't go this person's way, maybe looking at the watch or rolling eyes. Perhaps you've dismissive. Checking your phone constantly during a presentation. Just lack of interest. You know, in a business environment, this is rampant and as business people, we have to set the standard in our environments to approach our leadership with, first of all, modeling kindness, modeling a gentle spirit that is not demeaning, that is not Condescending that's not dishonoring. You want to honor people because that honoring of others is contagious. And the contrary dishonoring people is also contagious. And it's up to us in business to set the tone and to set it clearly and to set it immediately and to let people about the nonnegotiability of what we say, because our words matter.
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Our words are what bring forth life or destruction think about that think about the human tongue the most powerful Muscle on the planet and it's so small But what it does is it allows us to speak and what we speak our ideas and those ideas Manifest themselves into reality and that reality becomes how people understand what they believe and what they believe ultimately guide people's actions their actions guide How their outcomes begin to manifest in their days and societies. The tongue has the power to build, and it has the power to destroy. That's how powerful our language is. That's why it is so critical and incumbent upon us to use language that rises people, not destroys them not belittles them. That's why I love the scripture in Ephesians 4 29. And I've said this before on the show.
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I love this scripture because it says this, let no unwholesome words come out of your mouth. Only those which are good for building others up according to their needs, so that everyone who hears may benefit. Wow. What would a world look like where we all shared in that kind of language. And those kind of words. In our families, families are so fragmented right now, friend. Families are so divided right now, especially after the pandemic and the isolation and all of the challenges that we're facing as families, facing challenges at connecting. We're facing challenges at collaborating. We're facing challenges at simply being together and we need to break that. You need to get back to loving each other, you know, in a family sarcasm. I mean, I've said so many sarcastic comments and it was my standard response. I had to stop those sarcastic responses and I haven't fully arrived, but. When others have problems, don't be sarcastic. Don't say, oh, well, gotta try harder next time.
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That wasn't very smart. Those are comments that destroy. They don't build up. I mean, being rude or dishonoring isn't just what we say. Sometimes it's simply what we do. If we miss It's commitments with our family, family dinners without notice. We prioritize our work calls over our spouse's attempts at conversation. I'm guilty. But I want to tell you this. We have to make a stand. We have to say no more. When I am present, I will be fully present because it's rude. It dishonors you when I'm not fully present, when I don't fully listen, when I double-minded, when I'm on my phone or when I'm watching something and you want my attention. I wouldn't do that. With. An important business meeting. I wouldn't do that. If I was closing a deal with you, if you were sitting there with a potential client and you were writing a proposal instead of listening to what your client needed, you were surfing your social media. Of course, you wouldn't do that. Why wouldn't you do that? Because it affects your bottom line. It affects what you earn. Yet, we have a return on our investment with our investment with our clients. Might I submit that we become cognizant of getting a return on our involvement with our family? Think of our voices. Think of disagreements we have at home.
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How do we meet those disagreements? Do we meet those disagreements with a kind word? Or with a raised voice, with an authoritative stance that shuts down any further dialogue. Friend, that's not productive in terms of honoring one another and creating a model for honoring one another. You say, Nate, I can't take it anymore. My teenager, she's at the table texting and at dinner and I don't know what to do. And so, you know, what do I say? I say, hey, you know what? You're always on your phone, you need to put it away or else I'm going to put it away for you. Or maybe I'll just turn it off. Okay, that's one way to approach it. How about we ask the question, honey, would you mind putting the phone away? Let's all be present with each other. And maybe your teenage daughter, maybe she decides she's going to roll her eyes. But dad It's important. This is the moment. Do I act rudely or dishonoring or do I act gently? And maybe the response then is, honey, there's a time for that later. Family time is a precious gift.
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Let's honor it. What happened? Just maybe your daughter puts her phone away, maybe reluctantly, but maybe that's just what it takes. There's other ways, friend, to extend that olive branch. Maybe it doesn't always work. Maybe you think, Nate, They're going to walk all over me when I am kind and honoring. It's possible. At the same time, you have boundaries too. You've got to outline your boundaries, but you don't have to do it rudely. You don't have to do it dishonoringly. You can simply state what they are. These are the boundaries in this home. These are non negotiable for us to live in harmony together. If we don't honor these, then we can't live in harmony. We have to make changes. And I don't think those changes are necessarily something that we all want. Maybe it's not at home. Maybe it's in the car. And someone cuts in front of you. What do you say? They were rude, right? Hey, you idiot! Slam on the horn. Column number one. That gonna help? You know, I've eliminated finally.
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It took me a while. I've eliminated that from my purview. If that happens to me. And I just let him go. I don't even hawk my horn usually when I'm at a stoplight. I kind of just try to tap it if someone doesn't see the light and just be honorable. There was someone in Starbucks several years ago and we were both trying to get in at the same time. I was a little ahead. I slowed down and I let them through because I just wanted to show them a little kindness, a little honor. And it would have been rude of me to try to slam my way in. We both kind of slowed down and I gave him the right away. Guess what? When I got to the front, my coffee was free because that person paid it forward. Well, I guess they paid it back. So there are benefits to that. It's not always going to be the case, but we have to lead by the example. Whether or not we expect anything in return, by the way, you don't have to get anything in return because that's what seeds are. You don't always see how seeds germinate.
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You know what we say, what we do. That's like spreading seeds. So we can either spread good seed, or we can spread bad seed. Good seed is seed that's effective and it's helpful. So when I spread good seeds of what I say and I do, I don't know if they take root. It's not my job. My job isn't to do that. That's God's job. That's the other individual's job. My only job is to continue to spread good seed, and it's gonna take root on good soil. That gets nourished, and I'm going to keep spreading good seed wherever I go, and it's going to take root wherever it should. When I spend time now thinking about what I'm going to say, I do my best to share in my own mind what I'm going to say, and Think through what the reactions are from others. And if the reactions are not the desired reactions based on a productive or unproductive word, then it translates into a much different experience. And so, think about that, friend. Think about before we speak. My mom used to always say, think before you speak. Did you ever have a parent who said that? It took me a while to figure that out.
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But eventually, I began to, what does she mean? You know, everyone thinks. Before they speak in terms of their brains are working. But she didn't mean it that way. She meant take some time to consider the weight and the influence of your words. Take some time before those words are released into the world to take dominion over them, to have control and power over them and shape them like you would a sculpture so that they are attractive, so that they help you to achieve what you desire to achieve. It's okay if it takes a little longer to speak. In fact, it says be slow to speak, be quick to listen, be slow to anger. We're talking about anger soon. So when we speak, take your time and allow yourself to think through how each set of words. Might find its way into the ears of the individual who you're speaking with, and are those words such that they help them.
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Now, that doesn't mean that you, you're falsely speaking or just simply speaking because you want to be charming or say things that are flowery because you want something. No, you can be honest. But, do it in a way that's respectful. Do it in a way that's honoring. Do it in a way that's not rude. And when you do, you'll find that people begin to look at you differently. They begin to approach you differently. You become safer to them because you're intentional about what you're saying that is helpful. Because you can either be an adversary or an ally, one or the other, and an adversary is going to attack you. Are you the kind of person who attacks others, who's critical of others, who's condescending, who's belittling, who spends your time breaking people down at their expense so that you can feel bigger yourself?
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You're not very big. In fact, that's weak, and it's cowardly. the strong one who's secure in themselves because you're not insecure by the way when you're like that when you are secure in yourself and that you can share good words if someone's in trouble by the way and how they're behaving rather than saying things that are snide like Oh, you know, that was really classy. That was really a good idea, right? Because that really is sarcastic. What you're saying is it's not what the best thing to say is just ask, Hey, what's going on there? I'm just curious. I'm not judging you, but I'm curious what was going on. Ask people. Listen to people and then provide positive feedback. Well, I understand. Here's my perspective I may have done that in a different way and just have a conversation That's civil boy if we can just revive civility. In fact our manners matter. You may not have heard of a A parliamentarian back in the late 1700s named William Wilberforce. You might have heard of him.
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He was an abolitionist of the slave trade first and then slavery. And he found that he was unable to pass, get a bill to pass to abolish the slave trade through parliament on the merit of the heinousness of slavery itself. And so what did he do? He set out with a group called the Clapham Circle to reform manners. In fact, that was the idea of reformation of manners. In other words, what? To be not dishonoring, to not be rude, to be kind, to have decorum. And through this changing of the culture of people's thinking, they began to make changes in The behavior of the government and eventually the slave trade was indeed abolished through a bill that Wilberforce proposed again and again and again. He didn't give up, but he went around the other way. How valuable is honoring One another honoring the human being who's being enslaved and carried across the ocean to likely have disease and perhaps even die. It's completely dishonoring to the human condition. And so you can see how This belief in honoring one another carries such great weight in society.
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Let us find ways to follow in his footsteps and honor one another. It is a slippery slope in society when we begin to dishonor. It is a slippery slope in our families, in our cultures, in our communities, in our businesses. Let us embrace that so that we can fight off this isolation. We can fight off the negativity that we cause. We can have an awakening and a change. Let us be introspective. Let us go on a journey, embark on a journey of self discovery and improving the human condition together. Let us cultivate listening and empathy. Let us practice mindfulness to become more aware of the cues and the tones we use. Let us Embrace gratitude. Let us express genuine thanks and appreciation every single day. And let that icy exterior thaw out. When we're in business, let's offer constructive feedback. Let's encourage collaboration. Let's encourage problem solving. Let's take those family dinners, and let's make it a sacred time for sharing stories and sharing laughter without the interruption and the intrusion of technology.
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Let us embrace acts of kindness so that they become second nature. Let us hold doors open for strangers. Let us engage friendly in small talks with neighbors. Gosh, how about that one? Let's volunteer for local charities and just begin to see the world around us in a way that we can cherish and value it. In the few moments that we're here on this planet, let's spread some warmth. Let's have. The power of reminding ourselves that change is always within reach and it's beckoning us to shed these layers of rudeness and dishonoring that may have formed over time to embrace kindness, civility, respect. in every facet of our lives, and be inspired to be transformed and make a conscious effort every day to treat each person we meet with dignity, with grace, because in changing of our own behavior we will contribute to a society where respect is the norm, not the exception, an environment where everyone, and I mean everyone, can thrive together. Well, my friend, thank you for joining me on this episode of A Call to Leadership. If you've been listening, you've probably heard me talk about our accounting and advisory business. And this show was actually born out of that business, those relationships. I found that entrepreneurs and professionals were missing aspects of their leadership that fed into their bottom line and help their businesses be successful.
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So I'm so thankful that I've had all those years in that area to feed into this. And the truth is that so many people still need accounting and advisory help and they don't know where to go. If you're in that place where you feel, Oh my goodness, my tax person or my accountant, I can't find them. Or maybe the service wasn't up to my expectations. Do not despair. I'll leave how you can find us in the show notes and one of my team members can do some discovery and help you along your journey. You're not alone, my friend. You always have help. I'm Dr. Nate Salah. Can't wait to see you on the next show of A Call to Leadership.