[00:00:00] Dr. Nate Salah
Hello, my friend and welcome to this episode of A Call to Leadership. I'm Dr. Nate Salah, your host. I am so glad you joined me on this episode as we unpack this radical idea of leadership, a radical transformational idea of leadership, leadership that dives into. The very fabric of what human beings crave for most, the connections found in love. And as we progress through this series, if you're new to the show or you haven't listened to the entire series as it develops, it starts with episode 201. And so I would encourage you to go back and listen to that. first inaugural episode in the series as I unpacked each subsequent piece of love as it's found in the first book of Corinthians chapter 13 verses 4 through 8.
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Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others. And now we are on the next installment, love is not self-seeking. And of course we're replacing the word love. With leadership, leaders, leadership is patient. Leadership is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. Boy, that was a great episode. The last round. I hope you have an opportunity to listen to that. And now we're talking about this attitude of self seeking leaders are not self seekers. And when you unpack that. You wonder, you know, what, Nate, are you talking about? Self-seekers. Imagine an individual, let's just say a man whose life is a testament to self-seeking. And what I'm talking about is a relentless pursuit of personal gain. Not just about ambition, but, you know, this crosses the line. And not just crossing the line of what's possible, but it's at the expense of people, you know, think of like at the worst case scenario, for example, a Bernie Madoff.
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Who scandaled so many people in his Ponzi scheme and eventually went to prison or way back in the day when I was younger back in the early 2000s, the Enron scandal, all of these people were swindled out of their pensions. You know, these are what I would call dramatic examples. of where such a path of self-seeking can lead. And this pathway happens all the time. There's so many people on this trajectory and sometimes it's not criminal, but it can certainly be destructive and it doesn't belong in leadership. And I'm going to break it down to the difference between self seeking and what it truly means to be a servant in business, in family, in life. If you perhaps have run into people or you might've known someone, or perhaps. This has affected you. We're in business, your language is profit and is also your audience. And people are more pawns in the grand game of a business chess, if you will. And what happens when we begin to think in those terms, we become very ruthless.
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And we cut corners. We view people and colleagues as just stepping stones. And so we can take this attitude that people are only a means to an end. The only thing that really matters are my needs. Are my goals at the expense of everyone else. This doesn't just have to be in business, by the way, this happens at home too. People have a sense of entitlement to where they don't have to answer the family members. If you miss a recital, guess what? Your problem, I've got more important things to do. If I forgot the anniversary, give me a break, cut me some slack. I'm busy. Building our legacy. I'm busy creating a provision for our family. There's always an excuse, always a reason, never an apology, never looking at yourself, always the critical aspect to deflect. That's really the heart of someone who's truly self-seeking and it's permeates through life to think about friendships, you know, for this. Type of individual friendships are just as transactional as a stock exchange.
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So you can imagine where this type of individual is going. This is toxic friend. And you're listening and you might think, well, Nate, I actually know people like this. And perhaps that is an area that you're trying to get away from. Perhaps this is someone that you've been like, maybe not to this level, but perhaps there's some aspects of your life that are teetering in this area. I know. I've struggled with it. I've struggled with the transactionalness of friendships in the past. I've struggled with justifying when I miss commitments because my needs needed to be taken care of. And let me tell you this friend, when it comes to our sphere, if we're. We're in a sphere where this is happening and there's someone in your life who's exhibiting this depth, if you will, of self-centeredness and it's affecting you. If it affects your safety, it affects your peace. And here's what I think about safety and peace. I believe that as human beings, that we have a right to protect certain things in our lives. Safety is one of them. We have a right. To be going after, to be charging after, to be protecting ourselves from a safety perspective.
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You have a human right for that. If you're in an unsafe environment because someone is exerting their self-seeking nature because at your expense. You have the right to protect yourself. You have the right to safety and you also have the right to seek peace in your life. That's what Jesus said. My peace, I give to you my peace. I leave with you must've been important. I mean the thing that people desire in life, it's peace. So many people, even people who have. Unlimited sums of financial resources still wish they had peace in their lives. And so if you're in a situation where your peace and your safety are of concern, you have a right to protect those. You have a right to exit a situation. You have a right to move out. You have a right to put a boundaries that are healthy so that you can work your way out of these environments because. This idea of self seeking it turns into greed and that greed is a disease and if you've ever seen the show American Greed I've brought it up on our program before it is a true disease people take and take and take And the only way that stops them is if you eliminate the opportunity to take, you remove them from the equation.
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So sometimes that's a cancer. Sometimes it's totally toxic and you've got to get yourself out of that environment. Other times, perhaps, it's something that can be mitigated. There's times in our lives. Where we see either ourselves or others face certain issues, certain crises, pivotal moments that shake us to our core and can shift us, can shift us in this way and help us to begin to see the trials and the troubles from self-seeking in our leadership journey. Maybe it's a business that's crumbling and it reveals that, you know, success is really fragile and I don't have the people around me. To help me to overcome this because I've only surrounded myself with people like me who just seeking their own well-being. Maybe there's something else, maybe there's a health scare, maybe a loved one has a major health scare and you gotta re-evaluate, you know, what's most important in my life. Maybe you have a situation to where you actually see the destitution in someone's eyes. Perhaps you spend a day at a shelter and you experience the joy of giving instead of just receiving and taking. Perhaps it's a mentor. Maybe a wise mentor shows the way in elevating the hallmark of true leadership by serving others.
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Maybe it's a spiritual reconnection. Maybe there's a scripture that speaks to you. Maybe it's something like Philippians 2, 3, and 4 that echoes in your heart, which urges us to value others. above ourselves. I don't know what it is in someone's life that can make this change, but there's always hope to transform. And when we do this, we find that it's actually more of a blessing to give than to receive. I've found that the way I have learned to not manipulate others has been transformational. I'm not saying that I have been massively manipulative, but I I've been very shrewd in business. And there have been times where I've taken advantage of other people's misfortunes. I remember one time, and I might have shared it before on the program, I wanted to buy some wheels for my guy, for my car, and he had just the right size. I went to his house with my cousin and we made a deal. I found out he was down on his luck. He was out of work and he needed some cash pretty badly. So I thought, well, shoot, he's down on his luck.
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I'm going to offer him even less because I know he'll take it. And guess what he did? He took it. And so I pat myself on the back, Nate, good job shrewd, right? You did it. You got the best possible deal. And friend, you know I had lived like this. I was the shrewd negotiator. And I was driving with my cousin on the way back. And just, really my conscience began to kick in. Man, you know what Nate? You were taking advantage of that guy's misfortune. You were self-seeking above the needs of others. Look, he's down on his luck. You could have given a fair price. But no, you had to like, take advantage of him while he was down. I'm thinking all this in my head. Of course, where else are you going to think it right? And I go to turn around and my cousin's like, what are you doing, Nate? I'm turning around, man. I got something I got to fix. And I get back. He wasn't home. He had already left. His mom was here. I handed her some cash that I just bought these wheels from your son.
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Here's some cash back. That's a fair price for the wheels. And my cousin's jaw just drop. He's like, Oh my goodness. Is this Nate Salah? Mr. Negotiator. Is he doing this? And man, let me tell you the weight that lifted off my shoulders. I felt so. Much better because at that moment that was the turning point in my life where I realized that Fear is so much more rewarding when it's a fair exchange than it is just to abuse someone else's Inability because of my own self serving Self centered selfish game it was a turning point in life and from there on out Man, I wanted to gladly pay people a fair price for whatever it is that I was purchasing. I stopped haggling. I was the Mr. Haggler and I know it comes from a cultural thing, especially my family is from the Mediterranean area. Lots of haggling. Everything is a haggle. And so I just stopped that behavior because it was no longer, I didn't need to haggle anymore. Let's just find a solution for both of us that works so that we can mutually benefit, mutually gain. I didn't want to be self-seeking anymore. I wanted to be collectively seeking. And I found that that was an even greater goal. Then I read something that Even turn my world even further upside down. The idea to take it even a step further. The radicalness of a massively not self-seeking love. Even self-sacrificing love.
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That it can be found in leadership at the highest level. And this is as I was reading a page from an ancient story. About these two men who were zealous. And they were ambitious. I thought, man, my kind of guys, right? And their leader was destined to have massive influence. So like, let's position ourselves. Let's see if we can get in on this deal so that we could have positions of power prestige. And so they ask, Hey, when you're. Sitting on your throne. Can we get out of this? Can we sit on your right and left hands? Can we share in the power? And a very interesting thing happened. The leader did not Admonish them for asking for that to be great. Basically, they were looking for aiming for greatness. They were aiming for a position of greatness. Their leader did not rebuke them. He didn't try to dissuade them yet. He provided a different pathway than they ever thought was the pathway to true greatness in leadership. And he said this, the one who is greatest among you is your servant.
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If anyone wants to be great, learn to serve. That, my friend, is the pathway. Of course, Jesus said that. That's the story found in Matthew 20, 24 and Mark 10, 43 and so on. Jesus said, The one who is greatest among you is your servant. Learn to serve. This is the antithesis. This is the opposite. This is the complete Flip of self serving it's serving others. And this finds its way into life to be so life giving, so beneficial. And when I started my business many, many moons ago, I was self serving. I wanted to get paid. I wanted to make money and granted money is necessary. It's absolutely necessary, whether you're a for profit, non-profit, no matter what you are. Money is essential. You can't run a business without money. But what you can do is you can, rather than focusing on simply your profit, focus on the best possible experience you can make for your, all your stakeholders, your customers, your employees, all your suppliers. And yourself for that matter, in terms of an entire experience that works for everyone provide the best possible solutions and that will work to create the kind of cash flow or money necessary to run your business.
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I look at it like this, I have a five-word phrase for success. Solve relevant problems with excellence. I'll repeat that. Solve relevant problems with excellence. If we can find what problems are relevant for others, that we can share in solving that also help us to maximize our mission, our vision, and work within the boundaries of our values, friend, that's what we're talking about. That's the true heart of the servant and the true heart of the servant leader. Falls within that because we want our followers those who walk alongside of us to also learn to serve It's it comes from a heart to serve and so by in so by doing it was once said that you help other people solve Their problems then they'll help you solve your problems. Now. There's caveats to this. I'm gonna go through it However, what I want to drive home right now is that we have to help others to solve relevant problems and we can't just do it. Anyway, we have to do it with excellence with the very best. So if it's in business when I meet a client, I want to know what their problems are What's most pressing to them? And if there are opportunities if there are resources that I can put forth to help solve those problems Then I become relevant to them. I become a value. And we make a value exchange, which is called I give you the solution to your problems and you give me remuneration, which is money you pay me. And so this is the heart of the engine.
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And so when I learned to do that, when I learned to change, flip the script to say, man, let me focus on you. Let me focus on helping you solve your problems because I believe that I can help liberate you. By the way, leadership is a pathway to liberation. Leaders are liberators. We're freedom fighters. We help guide others to a place they could not go without us. They need liberation. And as they're liberated, Then we become liberated. It works together in harmony, in unison. This is the model. This is the most effective model in leadership. Whether it's in business, whether it's in family, whether it's in life in a family, the dynamic doesn't change. Ask your spouse, honey, what is it that I can be of service to you in? Let me tell you, just those words, that question, that is a game changer. When it's sincere, when it's genuine, when it's followed up by real change, real action that helps for my spouse, sometimes it's just being available as a team to help whether it's helping around the house, whether it's helping with our son, whether it's just listening, just saying, honey, I am here.
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Let me be fully present to help you as your teammate to overcome whatever obstacles we face. Let's start that right now. Let me tell you, you want to have an aphrodisiac, that's an aphrodisiac. That's my family. Maybe it's different for yours, your child, your children. Perhaps you have a teenager at home and perhaps that teenager is having some trouble in life, right? Have empathy and focus on that individual. One of your teenagers needs, they need you to just love them, right? Now in this world is so difficult. It's so tough. You have so many Challenges that kids are facing. They are facing bullying. They are facing isolation. They are facing the fear of the world around them. They're facing disengagement and a lack of purpose and a lack of meaning in life. Don't just say well, hey, you know when I was young I was out riding my bike all over and I was home at dark and I was Changing my own tires and I was soon as I can get my license, I got my license and I got a job and I was doing all this and that.
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You know what? That's self seeking. I'm guilty, guilty as charged. I've said all those things. Instead of saying that I want to say, Hey, look, I know it was a different time for me than it is for you. I can't possibly understand all the things you're going through. I can't even fix all the things that you're going through, but I can tell you this, I'm here, I'll walk with you. I'll be with you. I'll give you a hug when you need it. I'll cry on a shoulder and I'll be a shoulder to cry on. We'll overcome this together. Don't know how, but we'll get there together. I want to be here for you. Friend, those are life giving words. Let us cast off self seeking. Let us cast off this idea that it's about us, that we're the center of the universe. Warren's intro line to his book. I know I've said it before, Purpose Driven Life. It's not about You, I love it. I have to remind myself that constantly. It's not about me when it's in a business environment. Perhaps I bought a product or I'm, I'm buying a service from someone. Maybe I had an expectation and maybe the expectation wasn't met the way I wanted.
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I'm not going to give them an earful of trouble. Somebody going to ask, Hey, did I miss something somewhere? Can you help to understand, explain something to me? It's been said that honey. It's so much better of an attractant than vinegar walk with honey rather than vinegar. Vinegar is all about, Hey, you wronged me. You're going to pay. Then honey is, Hey, what happened here? Can we understand better? And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. By the way, this is what's great about boundaries. Boundaries are fantastic. Because what they say is, once I understand, that understanding is going to lead me to where I need to know if I want to continue to walk another mile with you. If I want to go in this direction with you. You see, you don't have to compromise your values or your boundaries to not be self-seeking. You simply have to identify when the self-seeking leads to destruction. Now think about a heinous case, a case that was on the end of destruction like Charles Manson.
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He was so self-seeking that he got other people to believe that they needed to go out and kill a bunch of people. It's horrific and it's happened all over society. It continues to happen today. And I'm not saying that that's something in our purview today, but what I am saying is that we must defend ourselves against that kind of self-seeking. We must become the type of people who are not after that. We want to be after self-sacrifice. We must put others before us. Now, that doesn't mean that we don't have a sense of Self-care. Self-care is just as important as self-sacrifice, because you can't have a strong self to give to others until you care for yourself, which is much different than self-seeking, and I'm going to explain how. Self-care is respecting yourself enough to rest. Self-care is respecting yourself enough to recharge. It's so much different than exploiting others for your gain. It is simply making sure that this body, this temple, this mind, this spirit, emotionally, physically. is spiritually ready to embrace a servant's heart in business, in family, in life, so that we can reach true fulfillment.
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And this is a serving, by the way, without expectation of a reward. And by the way, there's research that shows that giving to others can actually increase our own happiness. There's a study by Michael Norton. I'd love for you to check it out. There's life-giving in giving of ourselves. So remember that of course self-care is vital for our well being, but it should never morph into self-seeking behaviors. So our journey from self seeking to servitude, it's more than just a story. It's a roadmap for all of us who seek purpose. who seek connection in this world and a desire to step out from the shadows of self interest and walk in the light of service to find that in lifting others up, we rise ourselves. Well, my friend, we did it again. I'm so glad you joined me on this episode of A Call to Leadership. If you've been with me on the show, listening in, you'll know this, but if you're new, you may not know that I created a free course for you that you don't need. So if you need to provide an email address, you don't need to go anywhere, but to stay right here in the podcast, I created the very first six episodes of the podcast because I wanted you to have the kind of value that you need to take advantage of to thrive as a leader. So if you haven't done that yet, listen to episodes one through six, and I'll see you on the next episode. I'm Dr. Nate Salah, and this is A Call to Leadership.