Unlock the leadership lessons hidden in resentment and forgiveness by joining us in this episode, where we explore how forgiveness can fuel personal growth and strengthen your leadership skills. Keep tuning in to gain powerful insights for leading with unconditional leadership.
Key Takeaways To Listen For
Resources Mentioned In This Episode
Connect With Us
Master your context with real results leadership training!
To learn more, visit our website at www.greatsummit.com.
For tax, bookkeeping, or accounting help, contact Dr. Nate’s team at www.theincometaxcenter.com or send an email to info@theincometaxcenter.com.
Follow Dr. Nate on His Social Media
Unlock the leadership lessons hidden in resentment and forgiveness by joining us in this episode, where we explore how forgiveness can fuel personal growth and strengthen your leadership skills. Keep tuning in to gain powerful insights for leading with unconditional leadership.
Key Takeaways To Listen For
Resources Mentioned In This Episode
Connect With Us
Master your context with real results leadership training!
To learn more, visit our website at www.greatsummit.com.
For tax, bookkeeping, or accounting help, contact Dr. Nate’s team at www.theincometaxcenter.com or send an email to info@theincometaxcenter.com.
Follow Dr. Nate on His Social Media
[00:00:00] Dr. Nate Salah
Hello, my friend, and welcome to this episode of A Call to Leadership. I'm Dr. Nate Salah, your host. I am thrilled that you are here with me on this episode. Well, we are in the midst of a series on leadership that is so resonant, so effective, so moving. We can't help but talk about all of these different attributes of the leader who is a leader who loves. We really talk about love as a reaction to the challenges we face as leaders in motivating our followers, in having them to seek a cause that's worthy, to finding purpose and meaning and value and fulfillment in their journey. As we embark on a journey that takes us to a better future state together.
[00:00:49]
Well, we have been studying these attributes of love as found in the first book of Corinthians chapters 13 verses 4 through 8. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It's not rude. It's not self-seeking, easily angered. And today Love holds no record of wrongs. If we replace the word love with leadership, then we would say leaders hold no record of wrongs. That is the topic of the day. What does it mean to not hold a record of wrongs? And how does it affect us in business, in family, in life? Does it really help us to be more effective leaders? Or is it some kind of a joke to think that we Should just forget about the ways that we have been wrong. Well, I think we're going to dispel some myths today.
[00:01:43]
I think we're going to come to a place, if you stay with me, if you simply allow me to lay these ideas at your feet to let them simmer, perhaps even ruminate, and come to a new understanding of the value of this idea of not holding a record. Of wrongs, and when we're talking about this concept, what we're really asking is are we focused on growth through releasing bitterness, releasing resentment, really releasing the bondage that we face? from not healing when it comes to not letting go. There's liberation, friend, in letting go. There's liberation in embracing forgiveness, releasing resentment. To release resentment is to unlock these shackles, really, and shackles that are binding our hearts, our minds, our ability to move forward.
[00:02:40]
Resentment has no place in leadership. It has no place in growth. It has no place. And we're going to talk about histories. Some of the most enlightened leaders have not just spoken of this concept, but they've lived it demonstrating that there is profound freedom that comes from letting go of the bitterness and the resentment that we face when we've been wrong, perhaps. And I invite you on a quest to explore this transformational power found in business, found in family, found in life, so that we can be guided by wisdom of those who turned their pain into purpose. Now, let me just start with this. Having an attitude when we have been wronged or if there's been some kind of an injustice of not just holding on to resentment, but holding on to it to the point of revenge. We are riddled with this in our society, in our culture, even in our faith. Film and our movies. You think about a movie, you may not have seen it or heard of it called John Wick, this multi-part movie played by Keanu Reeves. And it reminds me of the very first movie where in the beginning of the movie, the actor, which is our protagonist, Mr.
[00:03:52]
Wick himself has a profound wrong. And what does he do with the wrong? I'm gonna tell you what the wrong is, and it really is terrible because I've got two little pups myself. His dog is killed. And when his dog is killed, then he goes on a rampage. And on this rampage, he kills 77 people. Now granted, yes, people are trying to kill him. However, he doesn't get his Dog back. And we're cheering for him, of course. This is society. Society wants revenge. What do we say about revenge? Revenge is a dish best served cold. And unfortunately, it doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't change. Now you say, Nate, speak for yourself, man. I'm going to take revenge every single time that there is an issue with me.
[00:04:35]
And maybe you're not that person. Maybe you're the person who says. I'm going to harbor some resentment in my life, and it's going to be something that I'm going to own. I'm going to hold on to it. Well, I can tell you this friend, generally speaking, we are the only one who is suffering in this. In fact, think of it in a business environment. You might think that it is going to help you to hold these records of wrongs so that they don't happen again. But that's not the idea. The idea is to move forward, to find a new way. Not because we are taking an inventory every day of everything that everyone's ever done to us or wrong us. No, the idea is to walk in forgiveness and walk an idea that how can we cultivate growth triumphs over grudges.
[00:05:20]
How can we do that? Perhaps there's a mishap at work and someone has made a mistake. It's happened to me before. And in terms of my employment of others, and it happens, it's happened to me where I've had that mishap instead of punishment, why don't we mentor the responsible person, employee, and cultivate that workplace where there's growth, maybe it's not an internal employee. Maybe it's a competitor had a transgression. Maybe it's a former employee. Maybe we propose a partnership over conflict. Maybe collaboration yields a greater reward. This has happened to me before. I've had people who I've worked with who have transgressed me. In the early days, I would cut them off and say, you know what, you're done.
[00:05:59]
And I would talk about them and I would just be angry and hold that grudge. And then I realized, you know what, Nate, that's not necessarily the best approach. Maybe in that moment, that individual had an issue that they were dealing with. And let's let time take hold. At the same time, friend, I'm not talking about not setting up healthy boundaries. I'm not talking about not setting up a system to where you are not taken for granted and you protect your mission, your vision, and your values. Not saying that at all. What I am saying, we have no idea in the future how. Some kind of business relationship might be benefited later. I've had clients who have said nasty things about me at the time and said, you know, Nate, I thought I was going to get better service from you and I'm going to a different place. And I felt wronged because I gave the best possible service and there was really clearly a misunderstanding. But yet I've said, I'm so sorry. And let's just keep a door open in the future if anything changes. And I've had those same clients come back to me years later. And say, Nate, it was better to stay with you.
[00:07:02]
I was missing something at the time and I didn't understand it. My mind was clouded. And would you take me back? And I've said, yes, of course I will. And sometimes the grievances are accurate and other times, perhaps they're not. I've left that door open. I haven't always been that way, but I've learned to become that way. And it's helped so maybe it's not external, maybe it's internal. As an entrepreneur, how many of us as entrepreneurs ruminate on our own past failures? Man, I have had so many instances, occurrences where my journey as an entrepreneur didn't lead me to where I wanted to go. I've had businesses that I've failed. I've had locations I've had to close down. I've had a near bankruptcy. I've had to deal with repayment plans on monies I've owed. It's never been a smooth sailing route every single time. No, that's not the way it goes. And I have lamented so greatly because I've held a record of my own past wrongs to the point where it's impeded and inhibited my own progress.
[00:08:05]
Sometimes, friend, we've got to figure it out ourselves, as business owners, as entrepreneurs, for perhaps a venture that's gone awry. Let us find solace in new beginnings rather than just focusing on the past failures. If I'm constantly looking at what's happened in the past, I'm going to trip over something that's in front of me. I have to look forward. Those past failures were not final. They were feedback. You've heard me say it before if you've listened to the show. So, if a new venture Didn't go the way I expected it to. If a new partnership, if a new employee or new client, guess what? I learned. I'm not dead. Chalk it up to the school of hard knocks. That's what it's all about. And when we walk in that, guess what we begin to do? We begin to model that. We're talking about not holding a record of wrongs. Hey, look, toss out the past. Yes, I learned from it. Yes, I grow from it. Yes, I'm not gonna let it happen again if it's in my power because I've made a change.
[00:08:57]
But then that carries over to the people who we get to be a part of their lives are followers, a team member. Maybe they see that. Maybe you have someone on your team who sees that and then they begin to walk in and they forgive an intentional, maybe it's an unintentional slight from a colleague and that allows harmony, productivity to begin to flourish. In our business environments, maybe, maybe it's a debt. Maybe you have a struggling partner and there's a debt and you foster goodwill, long-term loyalty over short-term gain. I don't know what it looks like for you, but I know I've done it in my own business and let me tell you the rewards are endless in business environments not holding a record of wrongs. In families, it is perhaps not as easy in a family, but forgiveness and not holding a record of wrongs, releasing can mend some of the deepest wounds. Of course, parents, we've got children who perhaps have wayward actions. And I think of the prodigal son, the story of the prodigal son, who basically said, dad, I wish you were dead.
[00:09:59]
I wish you were dead so I can just have my inheritance. Can I have my inheritance now? Let's just pretend like you're dead. And the child goes off and squanders all the wealth in a foreign land. And there's a famine in the land. And the child ends up in a pigsty, hungry, not even with food to eat and comes to his senses and goes back to his dad that I'm just going to beg him. And the dad sees him from far off and begins to run to his son, embraces him with deep love and asks his employees to get food and celebrate. Why? Cause his son was lost and now he's found. He had no held record of wrongs. Why? Because he loved. Love holds no record of wrongs. He loved his son. He embraced his son with understanding rather than resentment.
[00:10:48]
And there was another son there. The other son was actually resentful because he was holding the record of wrongs that his brother held. And he was holding a record of wrongs against his father because he said, look, I've always been here, serving you, working tirelessly, helping. You've never held a party for me, dad. And the father looks at the other son, again, in complete love, not holding a record of that wrong, that his son just spoke into life and said, son, my love has always been yours. You never had to earn it. Friend, that is the heart of what we're talking about with not holding a record of wrongs. Perhaps when we are faced with a financial hardship in our family, let us choose forgiveness over blame.
[00:11:34]
Our spouse has an issue and we've got bitterness of past arguments. Let us release those. Let us rekindle our love in this low of a mutual pardon. You see, if our children learn to see us modeling, this type of compassion, they're seeing us through a new lens in forgiving our imperfections, celebrating our efforts, by the way, not necessarily our outcomes. When it comes to kids, let's celebrate their effort, not their outcome. You say, Nate, are we supposed to give everyone a trophy? Does everyone win? No, there are losers. Absolutely. However, I don't want to tell my son I'm proud of him simply by what he accomplished because then he's only going to equate accomplishment with Love. I'm proud of my son simply by the effort that he gives to life. That is so much more valuable than any material accomplishment. The accomplishment is going to be what it is. Sometimes accomplishments are great. Sometimes they're not. There's all kinds of circumstances. There are all kinds of settings.
[00:12:32]
There's all kinds of contexts that dictate and explain why those things are. I don't want my son building his self worth simply out of accolades to dangerous road to deadly road. And it's a road that will lead. In emptiness, when the accolades are no longer. Sometimes it's more difficult in a family. Sometimes the release of bitterness, uh, forgiving someone is not so easy. Maybe there have been years of challenges that prohibit us from reconciliation. Maybe there's someone who wronged you many years ago. Maybe they, others have felt wronged by you and you feel as though you never wronged anyone. And maybe relationships have been broken.
[00:13:13]
It's happened to me in my own life. I had a family member who I looked at as a father figure. My father was not around when I was younger and uh, I just absolutely loved this family member and was very close, very close and became a period where I had some changes in my life, some changes in my values, changes in my beliefs. And when I changed those beliefs, My family member cut me off and said, we're done. And I tried to rekindle a relationship. I tried to stay connected. Even when my son was born, I sent a picture of my son because I was so proud. And I wanted to share that joy with the only father figure I had left. My biological father had already passed away. And the only response I got was silence. And it hurt deeply. And I felt wrong. Tried everything to share in the love. Sometimes people don't want it. And so I prayed and I prayed and I cried out to God, this is hard, this not holding a record of wrongs, this radical love that Jesus is talking about when he says, pray for those who persecute you.
[00:14:17]
Do good to those who harm you. That's not easy because it's radical love. Yet in my own heart, I had to not hold a record of what I thought was wrong. I had to release that resentment. And when I was able to release it, I found strength in that forgiveness. I was empowered with grace. My heart And I find that those who are great in the world, such as Abraham Lincoln, amidst a nation divided, he chose to stitch the fabric of unity with these threads of forgiveness, urging his countrymen to lay down their bitterness. He gave his life for it. Martin Luther King Jr. professed, We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. Those words resonate, they're a beacon for those of us who seek to replace resentment with love. And it's not weakness, it's strength.
[00:15:19]
In fact, Gandhi said, the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. This reminds us that true strength, true might is found in this gentle grasp of forgiveness. And I can't help but think of Jesus himself, who called from the cross while he was pinned by his persecutors, Father, forgive them for they know not. What they do. This is the eternal reminder of the strength found in absolving others with radical love, completely radical, and it is available to each and every one of us. So let these stories inspire us to embark on our own journey. Let's reflect on how Holding on to resentment can shape our lives in a way that is constrictive and ask ourselves the question: are we ready for the relief that comes from its release?
[00:16:15]
Look, I acknowledge that anger can be a faithful companion that we hold on to but it's not a kind one It's time for parting of its ways. Let us decide to embrace the release to not hold the record of wrongs and think about the steps we're going to take to walking in liberation. And perhaps there's someone today, someone right now that I can forgive, some wrong that I can set aside. Again, that doesn't mean that I release boundaries. That doesn't mean that I allow people to walk all over me. Not at all. You can stand strong in that, but you can release it. Perhaps it's you, even yourself today. Why wait for tomorrow? Right now. And begin to practice it as a new habit because I believe through releasing we can reclaim our power from these past hurts We can open ourselves to a future that is unclouded by bitterness and when we follow in these footsteps of choice to forgive over resentment, we can experience massive peace that comes from letting go, finding courage to guide us as a light toward healing, toward wholeness.
[00:17:24]
And I really believe that once we can walk in a certain level of maturity in this area. Again, it does not absolve the consequence. Sometimes people commit heinous acts and there are real consequences of that behavior. I'm not saying that justice should never be served. I'm saying we've got to release our own grip on this pain that we Sometimes it's empathy. And you say, Nate, there's no way I can empathize to try to understand the situation from the other person's perspective. You know, I think about my own situation with my family member. This individual had difficulty reconciling my change in belief and didn't know what to do. The only option that they understood was to just detach.
[00:18:10]
Now, granted, does it still hurt? Yes. But I begin to understand. I begin to take Some level, believe it or not, of compassion. I can still express my feelings. I can still communicate my emotions, but in a healthy way. Sometimes it's writing a letter, even if you don't send it, sometimes it's talking to a trusted friend or speaking with a therapist, a counselor who can help us process and release. This pent up resentment. Another thing is, man, expectations are so devastating in this area when they are unrealistic. Sometimes you just got to let go of expectations and accept that people are fallible. They're not always going to meet our expectations. We've got to let go of the demand for perfection and it's going to reduce the likelihood of us feeling really resentful and.
[00:18:54]
You've heard me talk about this before. Sometimes we just got to shift our focus. People ask me all the time, how you doing Nate? My go to answer is I'm too blessed to be stressed. And I say that not because that I don't ever experience stress. It's because I need to speak it into existence. I need to speak it as a reminder to shift my focus from ruminating on negative aspects of a situation to appreciating the positive ones. Where gratitude counterbalances resentment and fosters this more forgiving outlook. And you say, Nate, never in a million years is that me. Just give it some time. And then nurture yourself. Nurture your own well-being. Sometimes we can be so worn down that we can't even express because we're holding on to some wrong, some injustice.
[00:19:36]
Sometimes we have to take activities into dominion that nurture our own well being. Exercise, meditate, pray. Hobbies improve our mood. Give us a clearer perspective. Sometimes it makes it easier to let go of these negative feelings and there's benefits to releasing resentment. Our mental health, of course, our psychological health, our emotional health, letting go can lead to decreased anxiety, less depression. Boy, don't we need more of that? Less stress. Overall, better mental health, better relationships, releasing resentment can remove barriers and it can remove it to not only communication, but intimacy. And sometimes they lead to reconciliation because in my circumstance, that wasn't the end of the story with this family relationship. In fact, I did have an opportunity to mend it because I was letting go of that. Sadly, there was a death in the family, and I was at the funeral. And I saw my family member, who was like a father to me. I hadn't seen this individual in many years. And the death was very close to this family member. And when he turned around and saw me, he embraced me, just started weeping.
[00:20:51]
And I wept as well. And we embraced for a long time. And we began to reconcile. Friend, that wouldn't have been possible had I held on to the resentment. I may not have even gone. I might've just stared and stayed back behind, but we found closure and we found a greater sense of wellbeing through it. Look, there's burdens of past grudges. I hold that. I understand, but we can be free to enjoy life's most present moments more fully if we let go. So take time to reflect, take time to grow, take time to increase our resilience. And handle these conflicts and adversity in the only way that makes a difference in the world around us through the leadership perspective of love.
[00:21:36]
Well, my friend, I am so thrilled that you joined me on this episode of A Call to Leadership. And before you go to the next episode, especially if you're binge listening, take a moment. I would love to get your honest review right here on your screen. Your feedback is so important. It helps the podcast. It encourages is me, and it helps me, it helps me to give you more and more and more value. So I can't wait to read your review. I can't wait to be with you on the next episode. I'm Dr. Nate Salah. This is A Call to Leadership.