[00:00:00] Dr. Nate Salah
Hello, my friend and welcome to this second part of our two-part series with Dee Miller as she shares her amazing story with such boldness with such courage with such transparency and vulnerability. And if you haven't listened to the first part, I encourage you to go back one episode and listen to the first half of how she unfolds her journey toward re-claiming her identity. Can't wait for you to listen to part two as she gets into her relationship that changed everything, a relationship with God.
[00:00:39] Dee Miller
I didn't see a need for God, I actually never believed he existed because of knowing I had such a terrible childhood, a rough childhood, my thought was if he existed, I would not have had such evil in my life. I have a nice now the child of divorce that says church is a country club. And so I honestly could say that many people share that sentiment. Yeah. And the truth is that church is a repair shop. Yeah, it's not the new car shop where you have all your fancy cars. It's the repair shop in the back where everything is getting fixed. Yeah. Well, and I choose to go to a church where my pastor makes me squirm where he's preaching a word that I apply to myself, but that's my choice to take the word he's preaching and apply it to myself.
[00:01:29]
You can go to my church and make it a country club. But I want a word that I'm going to apply to challenge you. Yes. So on that day that something happened. I just filled out the connection card. connection card. Yeah, yeah, my co-workers like oh, here fill out this card. Okay, you know, I'm an idiot. Okay, I do as I'm told. So at this point, you're in your mid-20s, mid-20s. And you've got a what you think is a clear pathway possibly for some restoration of a relationship I just want her back just wander back and what you don't realize that there's a different relationship that is in the wings that restoration Yep. You know, I found a new scripture I just love the talks about God taking my stony heart and given me one of flesh because there's just no doubt my heart was stone there's just absolutely no doubt.
[00:02:20]
So I feel about that connection card and a guy by the name of Mark started calling me to invite me to everything and when he found out I didn't ever relationship with the Lord, he began to witness to me and he was very eloquent in his speech very kind. He ended every conversation with Are you ready to accept Christ and I ended every conversation with that tonight, Mark. Thanks. And this went on easily for over a year. No less than once a month, sometimes. Twice. There were times I probably fell asleep on the phone listening to him. I guess I wasn't a snorer.We never met in person. Never on the phone.
[00:02:54] Dr. Nate Salah
Yeah. It sounds like nothing he said was so repulsive that you were done with the conversations. It sounds like there was enough there that kept the conversations going. Yeah.
[00:03:08] Dee Miller
Well, and I think it goes to show I didn't have any other real relationships. I mean, he was always catching me when I was home if he left me a voicemail I mean that voicemail back and all my answers. I didn't have a relationship family. So this was it. There was somebody that showed an interest but I wasn't going to church anymore. Really, because I never met him. But were the conversations around life around faith around a number of things like variety. Yeah, he always asked me how things were going and you know, again, why don't you come to our small group when he come to church and meet me Are you still haven't met Jesus wanted to meet Jesus? No, no, not tonight. Mark, you know, just not interested. Just always telling me what my name should be for Christ. But he was never over the top never offensive. Just very nice guy. Very nice guy. So what was the turning point?
[00:04:03]
Well, again, I was seeing my girlfriend once a month and we met for a weekend in Kansas City. We went to a mega service on a Sunday. And God hit me in my Estonia head in my stony heart, but I'll never forget how he hit my stony heart. If you've never heard Stephanie fast, she's an Amerindian gi father, Korean mother and the mother had to turn her loose at five and she ran with a pack of children. And she adopted a baby at five and got caught stealing a loaf of bread. And when the she got thrown into an abandoned building, the baby died and she was ready to give up on life and be eaten by the rats. And long story short, she got adopted how to some Americans, and it took her a while to accept Christ. And I mean, I'm thinking man, my family hated me, but I didn't have an entire country chasing me down. And during the altar call my girlfriend ran down.
[00:05:00]
And obviously, her relationship with the Lord hadn't been 100% solid or she wouldn't have been involved with me. And I knew we were done. I was done milking it. Let's put it that way. I wasn't going to get her back. And as I began to drive from Kansas City to St. Louis, one of our springs, famous spring snows and that desire to kill myself returned. So God did use my relationship with this girl to get me past 25. But now, I'm done. I'm really done. Yeah, I got nothing to live for. I've lived as a man but I haven't really gotten what I wanted out of this hormones are not I'd passed as a man, you know, there was nothing fulfilling about the US every bridge I saw. I'm like, I can make this look like an accident. If I can just get my car to spin off the road just right in into this river. I can kill myself. And for some reason, the Lord I thought, I'll just call mark when I get home. crazy idea. But that's how our Lord works.
[00:05:58]
And so sure enough, I call mark when I get home for the first time ever I go meet him that night in his apartment. And what's he listens to my sad story about losing my girlfriend, my fiancee forever and ever. He leans forward in his chair, and he says, are you ready to accept Jesus? That guy's consistent is consistent what I think is we should all be like him. He knew the answer. And he didn't take rejection. He didn't take it personally. But I kept saying no, he waited for that perfect moment for me to say, to lean back in that chair. I remember leaning back was probably 10 seconds but my mind and like, Okay, I've done drugs and alcohol. I've done this. I've done that. Nothing has brought me happiness. I have got to get mark off this fairy tale dead dude. Like it is a you know. And so I leaned forward in the chair and said, Okay, why not? I need something real here, Mark.
[00:06:53]
And the only way I'm gonna get him off this, Jesus GAC, is to finally say, Okay, why not? My answer wasn't out of a conviction of a need of something from this Jesus. It was never, you know, like that altar call my girlfriend ran down to there wasn't that conviction of I need this. It was I need to shut mark up. That was my need in that moment. And so I just said, Okay, why not? And he says, Okay, say my little prayer off. So you little prayer mark, and my stony heart turned a flash in that moment. And it still brings me to tears when I think about what God did in that moment. Because it was a why not? It wasn't a Yes, Lord, I need you wasn't this you stand on the other side of the door, and I barely cracked it open. And you know, I say he stuck a stick of dynamite in there. He found the flesh that was under that stone.
[00:07:48]
You understood the hurts and the wounds and everything that I had been through. And he said, Here I am Dee I'm real. I am real. I am not dead. I am real. And I want you I understand you. And it was I was allowed me obviously a landmark moment. I'm here I am 30. Some years later, still here. So I think what's the incredible thing is, you know, quick is the wonderful moment was the devil was right there saying, Yeah, wait till you tell Mark who you are. What's really going on here? Well, he didn't know. We'd never met in person. He only knew the name on the connection card, you know. And so then I leaned back and I'm like, Hey, Mark, I need to tell you the truth about what's happening. So Mark had this incredible infectious smile was a happy guy. He said, Yeah, brother, bring it on.
[00:08:43]
So I did said I'm really a woman here dressed in men's clothing and sweat beads began to form on your lip or his his. I was nervous. But I lived a life of pain. I couldn't handle what was coming. But you know, this is what I want people to hear and know about anybody that's transgender is God was after my heart. And he just got it. And what Mark had to say next is what everybody needs to say. And you know, we don't carry around paper Bibles. But he went and got one off the shelf. And he said, I can't tell you what to do. You need to pray and go ask God what you should do. Then he showed me the door. And you know, when I was mad, I'm a baby Christian, what's this pray and stuff. But he never told me his opinion. And that's, unfortunately, the society we're in because of the internet. I think we think we have an opinion that everybody should hear.
[00:09:39]
And the fact is we it's our opinion, that's all it is. And I appreciate so much that Mark kept his hands off. These people that have been on hormones for years had surgical intervention, who are we to tell them what they should be doing with their lives after they give their heart to Christ. They've had the ultimate damage onto their bodies, what it might take for them to change back is more than we should have an opinion about. And it saddens me that somebody would have an opinion about that, when I had been blocked that God had his hand on me and I had been blocked from having that done. And Mark didn't have an opinion about where I was even at. So if I can get anything across to your listeners, May, it's that God was after my heart, and he got it that day. And that's all it matters, you get my heart and my soul.
[00:10:33] Dr. Nate Salah
That's a place that so many people find themselves desiring. I don't even know what to say. It's such a touching story. And thank goodness for people in the world like Omar, who are not there to tell you what's wrong with you to not judge and be critical, and meaning simply point you in a direction toward healing. That's a good place to be. And since then, you've created your own outreach, try and it's baby, but it's after your heart. Tell us about that.
[00:11:07] Dee Miller
Yeah. So year and a half, two years ago, God laid on my heart to resign for my job working for someone else to create a ministry to walk alongside ditransitioners. So I've named it after my parents, because when I decided to move to St. Louis, I walked into their living room and said, Hey, here's what I'm gonna go do, and they didn't embrace it. And so I walked, I shut off all communication with them.
[00:11:35] Dr. Nate Salah
Did they know what that meant. So for our listener, it sounds obvious, but let's define it, what is a detransitioner
[00:11:44] Dee Miller
A ditransitioner is somebody that has changed their gender. So for me, I went from female to male, and then back to female. So back to female would be the D, transitioning part male back to female.
[00:11:56] Dr. Nate Salah
And it's important to recognize that transitioning and ditransitioning may not be surgical, correct? Because some people think, Oh, well, you didn't get surgery, how could you be transitioning?
[00:12:06] Dee Miller
So in today's terminology, what I did was a social transition without any surgery. So there's even today, you could do just hormonal, so there needs to be coming off the hormones. So what we've done in society is they've created protocols and how to give you hormones. There are no protocols on how to take you off hormones. So you go to a doctor, an endocrinologist, and they have a protocol, here's how much we're going to give you, you go to that same doctor and say, I want to come off the hormones, they don't have a protocol there dumbfounded, they don't know what to do. Nobody's told them what to do. Again, a doctor practices medicine.
[00:12:46]
And so my goal, and I'm working with a doctor right now that we're building up Christian prick practitioners or even non-Christians if they're willing to work with us, that will have protocols when you come into us, and we'll be able to send you to somebody that will work with you, that's not going to tell you you can't do this, unfortunately, what happens when you tell somebody you think they're you're trans, you're gonna get put on a conveyor belt, you think you're gonna get, it's unfortunate. It's just unfortunate, I don't want to get too critical of the system here, Nate. That's not what we're here for. You're just not going to get clearly you're just going to put on a conveyor belt so fast because that's, they think they're doing you a favor, and they're not.
[00:13:29]
And so there's just no clear way to get you off things. They haven't been taught those things. And so working with you to get you off those things is so much harder. And that's what the ministry we want to do. We want to find safe ways to help you. I remember what it was, like, for me, socially detransitioning, trying to keep my job, and being the gossip at the water cooler. You know how hard that was? Why my hair was growing out. And I was just trying to change my wardrobe. I didn't have anybody to talk to about those things. You know, just to build you a support group. Hey, come in and talk to me. Where am I at legally with my job, I want to have HR consultants for you, so that you aren't being bullied by your job. I was fortunate enough. I had God's hand with an employer that wanted to keep me and so it's just all these little things to support people and walking it out.
[00:14:22]
Because we're people, somebody says, Oh, so you made a mistake. No, I made a misstep on my journey in life. It's not the end all I took a step in the wrong direction. We all make steps in the wrong direction. Mine was just a little bit more obvious than other people. You know, I changed the way I looked. It wasn't like I put the wrong colored glasses on. I did a little bit more than that. But ultimately, it was a misstep.
[00:14:55] Dr. Nate Salah
Are you facing any opposition in your journey?
[00:14:59] Dee Miller
From I think there's always going to be opposition when you do something against culture. LGBT is very well-oiled machine. If you look at trans regret, the stories by canceled culture got killed right and left four or five years ago. Fortunately, the trans regret stories are gaining traction. And so I personally in building this ministry, I haven't gotten anything bad yet. So my theory and my philosophy is if you've had transgender surgery, and you're happy, God bless you, if you've had it, and you have regret, and you need help, I'm here for you. I wish nobody Oh, well, at all. I just remember what it was like when I hit that point of knowing I made my misstep. I don't consider it a mistake for anybody. That's that misstep. And we all need a hand up in life. At some point.
[00:15:51] Dr. Nate Salah
Well said, speaking of life, and thank you for your boldness, and your courage to share your story. You know, it is a blessing to many. And the story continues. And each story has a beginning, a middle and an end and many chapters along the way. One day, you will be at the end of the story, just like all of us. And when you look back at all the things you did all the people you are able to affect in a positive way. Tell me one thing that you would want others to have said about you when you're on that great summit at the end.
[00:16:25] Dee Miller
That's a pretty deep question there. Nate, one thing you didn't tell me this question was sure did. I hope people see that I'm generous, not only just with my time with my story, I'm learning how to be vulnerable with it. More than anything, that's what I want is to be vulnerable with it. I could sit here and be very protective of everything I've been through. But we've all been through something. If I protect my pain, then I don't give God the glory for what he's done. What I did with my life shouldn't be glorified. It did what I did because of the pain, and I did it to survive that pain. You don't decide to become the other sex because you think that's going to be fun. And so what I hope people will say is that she took that pain, and she glorified God, and that he shined through the.
[00:17:23] Dr. Nate Salah
Amen. Why you are on your way. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. Well, my friend, we did it again. I'm so glad you joined me on this episode of A Call to Leadership. If you've been with me on the show, listening, you'll know this. But if you're new, you may not know that I created a free course for you that you don't need to provide an email address. You don't need to go anywhere. But to stay right here in the podcast. I created the very first six episodes of the podcast because I wanted you to have the kind of value that you need to take advantage of to thrive as a leader. If you haven't done that yet. Listen episodes one through six. And I'll see you on the next episode. I'm Dr. Nate Salah and this is A Call to Leadership.