EP231: Transform Conflict Into Opportunity

Curious about turning conflict into a constructive dialogue? Tune in to uncover how you can leverage conflicts for better leadership and enriched personal and professional relationships. Whether you're facing a current conflict or preparing for future challenges, this episode is your guide to mastering conflicts with wisdom and empathy.

Key Takeaways To Listen For

• How to view conflicts as opportunities to strengthen relationships and improve team dynamics.
• What are the root causes of conflicts?
• The power of active listening in changing the outcome of any conflict
• Strategies for fostering environments where honest and open communication can flourish
• How stepping into others' shoes can transform

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Dr. Nate Salah
On this episode of A Call to Leadership, we're going to talk about navigation, navigation as a leader, leaders are navigators. What do we navigate? Sometimes we navigate conflict, and conflict is not always bad. Do you run from conflict? Do you get headaches from conflict? Do you think, Oh, my goodness, not another problem. It's inevitable, but at the same time, one of our most critical roles, I believe, in leadership, is resolving conflicts with our teams, whether in our businesses, whether in our families, whether in our community settings, in general life, and they can be destructive if they're not addressed properly, with wisdom, with empathy, they can become opportunities. They can help us to grow and have greater unity when we do engage in that way. Let's dive deep into these strategies.
 

[00:00:57]
We're going to talk about examples that can help us as leaders effectively navigate the waters of conflict. You know, you have them. You might have them right now, right in this moment, you could be saying, Nate, perfect timing, because I've got a conflict that you may speak to today. Well, let's talk about it. You know, the first aspect of conflict, really, in resolving conflict is to not have an attitude like, oh my goodness, another conflict. It's really that's a defeatist mentality. We need to have a mentality that is not in misery but in mastery. Is not in disengagement, but in engagement. We want to engage and say, Okay, how can we come out of this better? In order to do that, we need to start with understanding the root. What's at the root of this conflict? 

[00:01:50]
We need to be archeologists and digging right so figuring out where it's arising from. Is it from personality clashes? Is it from differing values? Are there miscommunications? Is there competition? You know, what is the problem? Where is it coming from? And once we can identify these underlying issues, we as leaders, can address the problems at their core. Because we don't want to just treat symptoms, you know, we just want to brush it off. The worst thing we can do sometimes in a business is to pretend like there's nothing wrong, or to think that it'll just go away on its own, or to have some trite or ineffective method to solve the problem because you don't have the time, conflict can become a cancer, and so unless we treat it at the source, we need to recognize it can develop and really fracture the relationships within any of these areas, again, business, family or life. 

[00:02:51]
And so what I love to do and to really identify it first is to step into the shoes of the person or the people who are experiencing the conflict. And in order to do that, I love to ask open ended questions. You know, really, just actively listen. And by the way, active listening is more than just hearing words. It requires us to understand people's emotions and their motivations behind their words. You say, Nate, I'm not I'm not wired that way. It's very difficult for me. I would encourage you to, to dig a little deeper and try to empathize and understand where people are coming from and what's driving that. You know, when we do it, it can change the entire dynamic of how we can help solve these problems. If you've got a business and you have two team members or a family and you have two children, and maybe they're constantly at odds, it might not just be that they have different opinions about whatever it is they're working on. 

[00:04:00]
Maybe there's deeper issues. Maybe they don't feel valued, or maybe they feel threatened, right? All of these are aspects of the human component. You say, Nate, are you saying, as a leader, I have to have a psychology degree? No, but I tell you what, there's a lot of psychology and leadership and the actual field. Side note, the actual field of leadership is we call interdisciplinary, because it draws from all of these disciplines, from psychology, sociology, from history, and organizational behavior. There's so many aspects of leadership that draw from these different areas. So there is a psychology because it is about the behavior of human beings. So yes, you need to have a little understanding about people, and that's okay if you don't have it and you still are gaining it or driving toward it. That's all part of the learning experience no one ever arrives. 

[00:04:57]
But at the same time, it's so important to continue. You to learn. So really, this just happened recently, I had a situation and had some conflict with some my followers, if you will. And the conflict was rooted around just some disappointments, like in Hey, we're not functioning the best we can as a team. So listen, the very first thing I want to do is not point my finger and say, Hey, what the heck is going on here? You know, this is what your protocols are. Your scorecards not being met. Pick up the pace. You know? What you might say, Nate, isn't that just the way to do it? No, I don't find that valuable. I find that to be a situation to where people get really defensive. And what I want to do is open the space up with a safe space for Open dialog. So the first thing I want to do, and this is what I have done, and this is what I do in a situation like this, and this what I recently did. I said, Hey, man, what's going on you? Okay, you don't seem like you've been on your A-game lately, and people know when they're not on their A-game, especially if they're A-players, right? 

[00:06:07]
It's giving an open space to for people to express their feelings through perspectives. Is everything okay, without any fear of judgment, retaliation. It's just a way to say, Hey, I'm checking in on you because I noticed that you're not playing at your best right now, and I'm concerned about you. And the idea is we're fostering an environment where everyone feels heard, where everyone feels valued. And through that setting, we are able to really extract and identify. And if you've created a space where it's safe, where people trust you, by the way, you need to be trusted as a leader for this to work, because if you're not trusted, a dialog doesn't work. So you have to have the competence and the character to be trusted. And if you look through some of the past episodes, I talk about, the factors for being trustworthy. I'd love for you to visit that, and then the dialog can happen. 

[00:07:09]
Yeah, you know what? I haven't been I feel like it's I've been drowning. I've been, you know, I've had this going on and that going on, and I haven't been the best I can be. Okay, wow, that's a great place to start, isn't it, friend, there's no judgment, because, listen, not everybody always performs at 100% I mean, even MJ missed shots. I'm talking about Michael Jordan. And you know, listen, that's the way life is. But we give grace, we receive grace, but at the same time, we have a team to run, whether it's a business team, and you've got deadlines and responsibilities and outcomes that need to be measured and manifested based on our commitments as a company. We have family commitments to operate holistically as a family within the boundaries of our mission, our vision, our family values, right in our communities. If we're committed to our communities and our we have commitments in those areas. 

[00:08:09]
So we know it's critical to be at the top of our game from as much as we can but at the same time, it's not all the time, and sometimes we need some grace. We need to give grace, and we need to receive grace. You've heard me talk about this. It's so important in the environment of leadership, and so the next step is what, hey, I understand. Sometimes it's like that. I've had days too. In fact, right now, as I'm recording this, I am under the weather. I've caught a bug, and I've been out for the past few days, and I'm just trying to catch up. Even this recording has to be via audio only. I can't even do the video because I just don't have what it takes to do a full video recording. Sometimes, not everyone is at their A-game, and that's okay. And as long as that's understood, and there's a pathway that's the next step, what's the pathway? Without any with, by the way, without any personal attacks, right? It's a okay. What can we do to help you get there. 

[00:09:23]
All right, here's what we're doing. We're going to focus on this work that needs to get done. We're focusing on that project. We're going to move this aside for right now until we can get that clarity on this project. Hey, do you need a break from this? Right? Are we moving you in that direction? Okay, this is over now. All right, let's do some other things that we need to do at the same time. We need to acknowledge where we've missed it. As a team member, as a leader, it's up to us. It's incumbent upon us to say, hey, you know what? We need to let those team members know. Know that we've been missing a mark, and apologize and express our gratitude that they've stepped up, but at the same time that we need to step back up, and that is really taking responsibility and and making sure that everyone knows what the action plan is when it's implemented effectively, with grace, with care, with diligence and responsibility. 

[00:10:25]
It's a great way to have opportunity because there may have been a fail and there might have been a lot of stress because what happens is when, when you're dealing with conflict, you're also generally dealing with where things have gone wrong and or they can go wrong, and this is a way for us to find and re-emphasize those common goals, and whether it's in a business setting a family setting, and re-emphasize that we are successful only when we're together, and that conflict is not always negative. Sometimes it can sharpen us. Sometimes it's healthy conflict, and it can invigorate us and remind us of how important the best of us are in an organization, in any kind of organization, and help us to thrive, help us to grow, help us to be the best we can be. And then as leaders, we need to be constructive. We need to get feedback that's constructive. We need to focus, by the way, on behaviors and actions rather than personal attributes. Very important. So because we want to do is we want to minimize defensiveness. We want to promote a willingness to make the turn to toward achievement. 

[00:11:49]
And so we don't want to do any personal text. Look, here's the behavior, here's the action, here's the correction. And then for us as leaders, we got to lead by example, friend. We've got to demonstrate that we can be calm, we can be fair, we can be committed, and we are focused on what resolution we want to show our teams that conflicts can be resolved in ways that are respectful, the ways that we have dialog, we have mutual understanding. Now you say, Nate, you know, some conflicts are tough. You may say, Nate, I've got a business, and I've got a marketing team, I've got a sales team, and they're each blaming each other for poor performance. So what do you do? Well, okay, I'm a leader. I step in. I gotta mediate. I have to realign. By the way, focus on common goals. Oftentimes, when we have conflict that is not moving us toward our goal, it's a lack of focus. A lack of focus is the culprit. 

[00:12:51]
So we need to refocus, realign on our common goals. So let's get a meeting. Let's get a joint meeting where both teams can discuss, we can talk through the challenges, the perspectives, we can highlight the importance of collaboration. And then, you know what? Let's talk about success. Hey, you know we are leaders. We talk about vision. Envision the success that's intertwined with each other. That's that unity, friend. That's that sense of shared purpose. That's that transformation from competitive dynamic into collaboration. I mean, that's not easy to do, not every day, but it is possible if we focus on those aspects of conflict resolution. You say, Nate, okay, I got it worked out my business, but I got these kids, man, these kids are driving me nuts. They, you know, sibling rivalry, okay, yeah, get it common, right? Conflict in, in many, most families. So you got two siblings. 

[00:13:55]
They're constantly fighting over chores, responsibilities, not that they want to do them, right? They don't want to do them. You're the parent. You facilitate. We facilitate. What happens with these kids? Back to the family meeting. Let's talk about it. Let the children voice their grievances within a specific time frame, and also suggest solutions. Let the kids suggest some solutions be a part of it, and then this collaborative problem solving the family can create a chore chart that fairly distributes their responsibilities. You say, Nate, this is dangerous. Now, really, here's what it teaches. It not only can resolve the conflict, but it also teaches the children valuable skills in negotiation, in cooperation with your facilitation. You got to coach them. They're not going to knock it out of the park the first shot. But at the same time you're, you know, think about the third or fourth or fifth time you have these meetings and and think about when they get into the work world, into the. 

[00:15:00]
Business world, or wherever they are, and they need these skills, and you've developed them in the home, because at the end of the day, what we're talking about is in conflict resolution. The very heart of conflict resolution is what it's effective communication. You know this? It's leadership. Leadership hinges effective. Leadership hinges on effective communication. This is really the heart of the resolution and not only speaking clearly, but listening actively, because it's part of the communication cycle. So this is where we do. We have our teaching moments. We have our role-playing moments, whether it's a business team, a family team, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encourage them to express themselves openly, honestly, but also at the same time, also being receptive and respective to others viewpoints, telling you friend, this is a framework for building more trust, more mutual respect, and continuing to resolve conflicts. 

[00:16:08]
We need to keep moving the needle forward, but we can build that trust by being transparent, by being consistent, by being fair, and not only that, but we need to also have measures of accountability with the conflict resolution, we need to make sure that our conflict resolution has a transformative action. In other words, internal conflicts. They're going to be inevitable, but they don't have to be detrimental, because we can take the right approach. We can turn the conflicts into opportunities for growth understanding, and stronger relationships. We really can. And we do this through that open dialog. We emphasize that, we emphasize the common goals, and then through empathy, through leading by example, through holding people accountable to their end goals that they mutually agreed to. We can create these amazing, amazing cultures within these different areas. 

[00:17:10]
We can create harmonious, productive environments in our businesses, in our families, in our communities. And remember, it's not always about avoiding conflict, but about managing it with grace, with wisdom. So the next time you encounter a conflict, see it as a chance, maybe perhaps, to strengthen your team, inspire positive change. I believe it. I believe you can do it, and then you can transform that conflict into an opportunity for the growth that is the hallmark of your leadership journey. Well, my friend, we did it again. I'm so glad you joined me on this episode of A Call to Leadership. If you've been with me on the show, listening in, you'll know this, but if you're new, you may not know that I created a free course for you that you don't need to provide an email address, you don't need to go anywhere but to stay right here in the podcast. I created the very first six episodes of the podcast because I wanted you to have the kind of value that you need to take advantage of to thrive as a leader. So if you haven't done that yet, listen episodes one through six, and I'll see you on the next episode. I'm Dr. Nate Salah, and this is A Call to Leadership.