EP234: What People Really Want

Want to become a more influential leader? In this episode, we share the secrets to inspiring and empowering others. Discover the three essential foundations of leadership and how to apply these principles effectively, whether at work or home. Hit the play button now and unlock the power of purposeful, clear, and compassionate leadership!

Key Takeaways To Listen For

• The importance of survival in leadership and why it’s crucial for influence
• How to discover the hidden potential of your team
• Ways having a purpose ignites a fire within your team
• Tips on creating a workplace where talent and productivity thrive and grow
• Benefits of giving your team members autonomy and the tools they need to lead themselves
• What you need to do to grow your leadership legacy

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Master your context with real results leadership training!
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Transcript

[00:00:00] Dr. Nate Salah
I love answering questions on the show. One question I get more than any others is, how do I get more influential? You've heard influencers, you've heard the idea of impact, and you want to be a more impactful, influential leader. Well, this episode is for you. We're going to talk about the human condition in three ways that we are able to manifest massive influence in our leadership journey. And so, let's get right to it. The first question we have to ask ourselves is what people want and need more than anything else. I love the way Dr. Michael Harvey put it way back in a book from about 1015, maybe 20 years ago, called Quest for a general theory of leadership. One of the authors and these essays that were written, and he said this, that leadership, leadership has to become necessary.

[00:00:54]
How does it become necessary? Well, it's based on the human condition and human needs, friend and one of the human needs that we have, the very basic human needs, the very foundational and fundamental need of survival, the very basis of humanity, requires survival. At the very heart of the emergence of leadership, of your leadership, of my, leadership, of those who have led us, is this idea we have to survive first. You say, Nate, it's Elementary. I get it, but think about if you're leading right now, you say, what is survival? Right? Survival like sustenance, food, water, shelter, survival, basic needs, air. You say, Nate, okay, I get it. But do you get it? Because as a leader, you may forget, I may forget, once we get way past survival, that someone who we're leading is in survival mode. 

[00:01:40]
Right now, you may be in a group, you may be in your family, maybe in a community. It may be in your business. And unless we identify and understand that sometimes someone is in survival mode, we can't think of everything else. You say, Oh, you know what they want, all these other things that motivate them, that influence them, that cause them to move. No, sometimes it's just surviving. Sometimes you may be in a business environment where someone just needs to make sure they get that paycheck so that they can pay their bills, put food on the table for their family, and that's all they're focused on. The very basics of survival. When you're in survival mode, by the way, friend, nothing else matters. Have you ever been in survival mode? 

[00:02:19]
I have when you're in a mode where you just have to focus on the next moment, because the next moment could determine whether you live or die. Nothing else matter. I'm not I'm not thinking about five years down the line. I'm not thinking about my plan for the future. I'm thinking about this very moment, and right now, someone listening, you might be in survival mode. Take inventory of that and recognize that step by step, we can move our way out of this mode, but in the moment, it's just getting through the moment, just getting through the day. And if you're a leader, you have to recognize that someone, somewhere is possibly in the very foundational state of what makes your leadership necessary just to survive. You gotta help them survive. You have to help them to make sure that their basic, most basic needs are met. And friend when we do that, we have to have conversations. 

[00:03:12]
You know what? In a business environment, assess, hey, hey, what's going on is everything okay? How can I help you? Because if someone is in survival mode, by the way, sometimes they can't give their best effort, and sometimes, if you can't help them, get out of this mode, or at least meet those basic needs, you become irrelevant. We become irrelevant. We become unnecessary. Think about in our own families, as a provider for my family, I have to make sure that I have a roof over my family's head, and I have to make sure that there's food on the table. I have to make sure that they have their safety needs met. Of course, we're talking a little bit about Maslow, and there's other theories on this and different ways to look at it. 

[00:03:52]
These are the very basic needs, and I've committed to my family to assure them that I will be responsible, that my duty will be met to help them survive in my business environment, you know, unless somebody's getting a paycheck, they're probably not going to work. I have to make sure that my people, my team members, are being paid, make sure that they're in an environment where they're safe to do their best possible work, because that survival mode requires safety, because if you're unsafe, guess what? Your life may be on the line. You say, Nate in a business environment, can my life possibly be on the line? Yeah, maybe it's not like life or death in the moment, but perhaps it's perceived that way, because if I can't and make my needs met, what's next? 

[00:04:37]
Right? Again, back to survival. We forget about this. You forget about it. Sometimes I forget about it. Maybe somebody in the grocery stores, maybe somebody in your community, maybe someone again, in your family. You know, the kids today are in such difficult times. When we were kids, we got bullied a little bit, we dealt with it, but now we didn't have social media when I was a kid, back in the 70s and the 80s. We didn't have all of these influences coming in and telling us that we were worthless, that we were useless. Nowadays, kids are being bombarded with that, and they're just trying to survive, and it's up to us, as leaders, as parents, to help shield them, protect them, help them to get into a place where they feel safe enough to overcome these obstacles. 

[00:05:24]
Said, Nate, I can't shield my kids from all of the external but you can provide them with shields, and those shields can help protect them. I'm not saying that we smother our kids. I'm not saying that we don't allow them to experience difficulty. Of course, that's necessary. Helps build resilience. If you've been with me for long enough, you know that I believe in that wholeheartedly. However, there's a preparation that goes into that. And when we prepare our families, we prepare our children, we are preparing them for them to survive in this very chaotic in this very dangerous world we live in, it's up to us. Same thing in our community, same thing in our businesses. We've got to create environments where people can meet that basic need, because we need to get them out of survival mode. 

[00:06:09]
We need to help as leaders, to move people out of a mode that is just focused on the next moment. Because once we can do that, we can move to this second layer, second level of leadership, because once people are now able to meet their needs, and they're now concerned and worried every day about surviving. The next question is this, Hey, I need to start making sense of this world. I need to understand my place in this world. I need to make meaning and find purpose in this world, that's the next stage of this leadership journey. What makes you necessary, what makes me necessary as a leader, is this idea that we can help people to make meaning of this world, to find their place in this world, to make sense of this world and themselves within it. 

 [00:07:00]
You say, Nate, I'm just giving someone a paycheck. I'm not doing any of that. Let me ask you this, does your employee, does your team member, find purpose in their work? Do they find meaning in their work? Do they find value in their work? Because I can guarantee you this, if all of those answers are no, eventually, your leadership will become unnecessary. It will become irrelevant. So will mine. Because as a human being, we desire purpose. It is a fundamental aspect of our humanity. In fact, people that who live without purpose sometimes end up not living anymore. They lose their desire to live, because purpose is what drives us as human beings. It's built into our fabric of who we are. Purpose designs our forward motion. It gives us a reason, a justification for existence, and friend. 

[00:07:57]
It's up to us as leaders to help cultivate that. In fact, when I define leadership, I define leadership as the discovery of influence toward an achievement of shared purpose. Right? We have to have a shared sense of where we're going that drives and guides us, because if we can and we do, that, begins to develop a sense of significance of contribution. And if you've heard any of the work by the Robbins team, they talk about this a lot. And so this belief, to believe, right to be living out some kind of journey that is worthy, that is attractive, that is achievable, its purpose. It's making sense of this world. It's making sense of my place in this world. That's the business environment. We've got to be able to create mission, vision, values that attract people to want to contribute, to have significance, to have value, to have a sense of belonging, to have a sense of esteem. 

[00:08:57]
All of these things are actions, activities revolving around purpose. Same thing in your family, same thing in your family. You know, you might have one of your children who they just love dad, or they love mom, and they're always with you, and the other one might be saying, you know, we're not copacetic, we're not getting along, we're not jiving, we're at odds. And sometimes, you know, if you've already met the need of survival. They've got their needs. Perhaps we need to revisit purpose. Perhaps we need to visit that element of your leadership, whether or not you are necessary or unnecessary, whether we are relevant or irrelevant in our children's lives, are we helping them to define and establish and manifest purpose, significance, meaning in their lives, making sense of this world around them, or are we creating more dissonance? Are we creating more confusion and more noise? 

[00:09:49]
Are we clouding their vision? Or are we providing clarity? That's a question we have to ask ourselves, as leaders, as parents, today, more than ever in this. World of noise in this world that continually bombards our kids with so much competing information that is so incredibly difficult, almost impossible, to make sense of it alone. We have to do it together. We have to help our kids to find their place in this world, guide them along this journey as leaders. It's part of what makes our leadership necessary. You know, I think of many people in the world who have done this, and you know, I've learned from them Year and Year again. I found that even in my own life, you know, I've got one son, and I struggle sometimes with a teenager to how can I help you to have relevance in your life and meaning in your life, but once I do friend, sometimes I miss it, sometimes I hit it. 

[00:10:48]
But when we're locked in, it's amazing, because I'm able to help in this journey. And the only way I really can do that, only way I know how to do that, is to listen, is to pay attention, is to be fully present, not easy to do. Again, even for me as a parent, I still am bombarded with so much noise, so much dissonance, so many distractions that I must have massive discipline, massive focus and massive discernment, and massive empathy and care to just shut it all out. Take some time to shut it all out and focus on what matters most. Turn off the phone, shut down the email, turn off the television, and just do life. Explore purpose, explore making sense of this crazy world we live in with the ones who you are, called the steward. Ones who you are called the leads, particularly, especially we're talking about the family dynamic right now with your spouse, my spouse, sometimes I need to be there. 

[00:11:50]
I spend so much time in my daily duty of helping people in my business with leadership and finances and all that stuff, and I get so much value out of it. I My endorphins are rocking, right? All this dopamine from helping all these people. And hey, Nate you helped me today. And hey, Nate, you help me and I go home. Do I have any left? Do I have any help left for the ones who I am? First called to love, first called to steward and shepherd and guide and pour into I gotta say my best, my best for my family. I'm telling you from a position that I've not always done that. In fact, getting ready for a vacation, a very short vacation, with my beautiful bride, and I want to turn it all off. And I told her, I said, I want to have it's just you and I in this zone together so I can fully focus with intentionality on you, and I intend to make good on that. Where are you in this journey of helping your loved ones to make sense of this world, whether it be through time away, whether it be through a car ride that's quiet, and you can simply say, hey, let's talk about life. 

[00:13:07]
Let's just talk about whatever, and let's see if we can uncover some of the challenges you're going through. Maybe I'm the obstacle, maybe I'm the one that is in the way. Maybe I'm the distraction, and I need to understand. Maybe I need to step out of the way and let you live a little bit. Maybe I've been hovering. Maybe I've been too focused on rules and regulations, and I need to give you a little space. Maybe I just need to love you and not judge you. That's a place, my friend, that so many of us can find massive impact and value and influence in our leadership, you say, Nate, well, what about this third domain? What's this third space? Okay, so say we've got it together, and we've provided a place where people can survive, and then we've given opportunity to find purpose and meaning and senses making sense of this world. What's the next stage? Well, the next stage is really that stage of power and influence that others are then given through your own leadership. 

[00:14:07]
What does that mean? Because leaders, my friend, are not here only to make followers. We're here to help usher and develop leaders, so your journey as a leader will only be manifested at the top level when we co-author new leaders because we can then provide tools and resources for those who follow us to have manifest themselves power and influence so they can begin their own leadership journey. And so you say, I've developed my team at the office, right? I've given them the paycheck. I've given them the conditions of being able to transform their lives and have meaning in the kind of work they do. Now what's the next step? Give them autonomy, give them true delegation, give them an ability to learn how to lead themselves. Now I'm not saying you take your time. 

[00:15:00]
Salesperson and movement and management, we know, and we've talked about this, that it's the wrong thing to do. It's just because they're good at selling that they're going to be good at leading and managing. But we give opportunities, and then we give training, we give education. We role model. Are we modeling the leadership I love in my organizations? Is to ask my team, hey, individually, what is it that truly draws you to the kind of work we're doing? And then can I develop you to lead in those areas? Would you like to lead in those areas? Sometimes people want to stay in their lane. In fact, I met a guy recently. I was going to the airport, and he was one of the porters, and he was complaining about his situation with management at the airline, and a lot of shifting, and he was offered a management position, he said, No, I don't want it. I want to do my work. 

[00:15:47]
I want to go home. And that's totally fine, man. Thank you for being transparent and clear and honest. It takes a lot of courage to do that, and so it's not for everyone to move, if you will, up. Let's not call it up to move into that position. However, power and influence leadership doesn't necessarily have to mean that within the organization that you are increasing or changing your role and responsibility, your title. Sometimes it just means teaching people to be better humans, to be more serving humans, to be more diligent, and giving them the tools and resources to better lead, even in the moment. Because if whether you are running a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or you're just checking someone out at Chick-fil-A, you are in some form of leadership. Because if leadership is discovery, influence and achievement of shared purpose, whether or not you're helping me to decide what I'm going to eat, or whether you're helping a major corporation decide what it's going to sell. 

[00:16:48]
You're participating in leadership. So let's offer the opportunity and the benefit of elevating others so that they can manifest that third domain, what Maslow, in some ways called self-actualization, and others have many different ways to discuss this and just derive these concepts. It's really the exercise of taking your destiny and being able to make the kind of choices that lead you to the fulfillment and the satisfaction that you desire. Friend, if we can do that as leaders, if we can foster those three areas. Of course, leadership has many, many more aspects to it. These are just three ways to look at it. That's why we have a podcast on leadership with hundreds of episodes. Right? There's so much to talk about, but these three ways describe three areas, at least three areas of our leadership that we must key in on that. We must focus in on and really assess and identify where are you in this journey as I'm leading you. How can I help you in this area? And ask yourself the question, as a leader, let's do some self-reflection as leader. Where am I right now? Am I in survival mode? 

[00:17:57]
I've been in survival mode. You have too, not too long ago I was in survival mode. Had a major challenge with some medical stuff and the family and, man, it was so difficult. Just survive day to day, just day by day, barely getting any sleep, dealing with the challenges. I wasn't thinking about stuff from for a year out, or I wasn't even thinking about anything, but except for just getting through that day. But that's over now. However, I had to identify where I was in the moment. So and I had to share that as a leader. I had to share that with others. Say, look, you know, right now, I can't plan for the future, right now, for this period, for the season, I have to just serve vibe. I mean, I own an accounting and advisory firm. I would consider tax season, in a lot of ways, is survival mode. We're not planning for the future. We're not identifying our place in this world. We're simply just getting through a season that is very challenging, very high demand. And if you're in that season now, give yourself a little bit of grace. Give yourself a moment to say, 

[00:18:53]
You know what, I am in a rough spot as a leader. I'm not going to focus on all these other things. I'm just going to focus on breathing this very moment and surviving. Give yourself that grace self. Love is a good thing. Give yourself a little love. If you're not in a place, find someone who can give you a little love and encourager, and I'll be that person for you right now. From afar, I encourage you. Just take a breath. Maybe it's just a day. Maybe it's just a moment. But guess what? The beautiful thing about each day is that tomorrow we get a brand new one, never been used, and we get to start over that day. I love a brand new day. It's brand new never been used. And if you're not in survival mode, if you're in the next phase, if you're discovering about your future and where you want to take it, all right, there's another thing to be excited about. 

[00:19:40]
A lot of our problems. I call them first-world problems. If you live in the first world, first world problems. I can breathe, I can see, I can communicate, I can hear, I can walk. So many people don't have that opportunity the way I can honor you. If you don't have that, is to not take it for granted. Many people. So move on. And every day I hear a story, sometimes tragic, about someone passing on, and the best way I've learned to reconcile with those tragedies is to live fully. I had a classmate I was just thinking about recently, when I was working my PhD, who had cancer and then passed away, and I was thinking through my PhD work, Nate, don't take your foot off the pedal. Finish strong. Honor your dear friend in this life, not taking it for granted. Honor this dear friend by establishing and utilizing that purpose you've been given. Because each day is a gift.


[00:20:39]
We're honored, and our choices that we make are, in turn, a gift back. So whether we're today or tomorrow, next week, let us do that with direction and discernment. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about my own walk, my own journey, my own faith, and each day I'm here. So if I'm here, my work's not finished yet. I get to have some time with you, and we get to unwind some of these complicated issues in leadership so that we can be more refined so that we can, do greater work so that we can elevate ourselves, and elevate others so that we can truly manifest and be difference makers in this world. You can be a difference maker. I can be a difference maker. We can be difference-makers together. Let us never ever lose sight of that, and let us never grow weary of doing good, because one day, my friend, it will reap a harvest, whether we see it or the generations to come. 

[00:21:38]
Well, my friend, thank you for joining me on this episode of A Call to Leadership. If you've been listening, you've probably heard me talk about our accounting and advisory business, and this show was actually born out of that business, those relationships, I found that entrepreneurs and professionals were missing aspects of their leadership that fed into their bottom line and help their businesses be successful. So I'm so thankful that I've had all those years in that area to feed into this. And the truth is that so many people still need Accounting and Advisory help, and they don't know where to go if you're in that place where you feel, oh my goodness, my tax person or my accountant, I can't find them, or maybe the service wasn't up to my expectations. 

[00:22:24]
Do not despair. I'll leave how you can find us in the show notes and one of my team members can do some discovery and help you along your journey. You're not alone, my friend, you always have help. I'm Dr. Nate Salah. Can't wait to see you on the next show of A Call to Leadership.