Unmasking Our True Selves: Embracing Change and Authentic Connections with Storm Freeman

Dom L'Amour speaks with rapper Storm Freeman (@Stormakastorm) about about growing older, relationships, working on yourself and so much more

Reflecting on a poignant conversation with James Baldwin, I found myself mulling over the masks we wear and the emotional toll they take. It's a theme that weaves through this episode, where Storm Freeman and I peel back the layers of presenting our best selves amidst life's trials. Storm brings a compelling layer to our dialogue, sharing a harrowing journey through personal health scares and the importance of tuning in to our bodies' whispers before they turn to screams. Together, we trace the outlines of how life's encounters shape our art and spirits, finding in the process a youth that defies the calendar's march, much like the tales told by our elders.

The narrative of personal transformation is one that resonates deeply, and this episode doesn't shy away from its complexities. I delve into the conscious choices that have shaped my growth, from purposeful goal-setting to cherishing solitude and selecting the company that truly enriches life. The undercurrent of our conversation flows toward the importance of reaching out to ensure the well-being of our circle, fortifying the notion that the fabric of our lives is woven from these crucial connections. Storm and I explore whether the impetus for change is a product of time's passage or the forces that life throws our way, and the answer may be as varied as the individuals who seek it.

In an era where the digital world often eclipses face-to-face interactions, Storm and I confront the challenge of being fully present with those we hold dear. We examine the contrast between the transactional nature of professional life and the authenticity we crave in our personal spheres, sharing insights on nurturing relationships through understanding, support, and the universal language of love. As I look back at the conversations that have passed and eagerly anticipate those to come, I am awash with gratitude for the community we've built right here on the "Black Man Talking Emotions" podcast. Your support is the lifeblood of this space, and I extend an invitation to continue this journey of discovery, growth, and heartfelt dialogue together.

Opening quote: Rumi

Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour

Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys

and 

from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team

Featured song: “I’ve grown accustomed to her face” performed by Dom L’Amour featuring Ron Bryant on Piano

Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99

Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @doml_amour on Instagram. Or at 

domlamour.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

There was this video I saw with James Baldwin. I was speaking to his lady and a line that really stuck out to me was she wanted him to pretend that he was fine. And he was like no, I'm honest with you, I tell you everything. And she was like but you don't have to do that. You put on this front for white people and for your boss all day long and then you come home and I got to take all the hell. I got to take all the negative energy you are holding in all day. Hold it in for me too. Show me that you are willing to do the work to at least make me happy and be positive for me, instead of coming home and being angry at everyone else and me getting that angry energy. I want you at your best, just like you give them, even though you don't want to give them your best. Give it to me because you want to give me your best, even if the day was hard, even the person took advantage of you. Are you willing to do the work at home to make that person who you love happy? Ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here, my name is down the war and you are listening to the black man talking emotions podcast.

Speaker 1: 1:21

On today's episode, I speak with Storm Freeman about growing old relationships, working on yourself and so much more. Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. I have some roasted green tea here and I cheers this to you. It's always a good time. It's been way too long. You've been going through a lot. Just talk me through it. You've had some health issues. You've done a little performing here and there. Where are you at right now?

Speaker 2: 2:19

So I'm good, I'm healthy now. I appreciate you asking about that. I had a weird thing going on with my body that there ended up being something that was just a growth in my body, just a tumor they had to take out. Thank God it was benign, so not cancerous. The surgeon was very knowledgeable. It took him maybe an hour when he said it was going to take maybe three hours. He was done in and out and recovery was great. So the scare was just you need to listen to your body more. Going through music and I think a lot of us just keep motor. We just go, go, go go. Our body's like hey, we need to rest.

Speaker 2: 2:56

They're like no, I noticed this thing, I was like I should just bring it up and come to find out yeah, it's something that needed to be taken out. And they don't know why. It was just like a just, your body sometimes just ends up just growing extra stuff because it thinks I don't, I don't, I have no idea. But he was, you know, it was a size. It was pretty decent size. It was like 16 centimeters long. And so he was like, yeah, let's go ahead and take this out, because essentially it was just I could feel it when I was sleeping.

Speaker 2: 3:21

It kind of did affect my appetite, you know, I would, I would feel a lot fuller because, you know, everything's just pushed together. So but, yeah, I'm glad we got that taken care of. I was performing, still doing a lot of music, but on the side I had to take care of some other things that I'm trying to accomplish. They were supposed to be done last year but they're happening this year and then so that kind of put a hiatus on the performance side and the recording studio side. I still recorded and was making music and it kind of put a pause on the music videos. Essentially, the financial part needed to be dedicated to one aspect.

Speaker 1: 3:56

Like where were you at mentally, like how were you? Did you know quickly, oh, this isn't cancer, don't worry. Or like was there a long waiting period? Because I'm sure if that was hectic, right.

Speaker 2: 4:05

I think the doctors and surgeons were good at not, you know, making me feel like it. We don't know what it is. So you know there's no need to think it's going to be this, because it definitely could not. But you know, we also need to do the tests that we need to do to ensure that it that it isn't. There was a period where they basically a biopsy of it.

Speaker 2: 4:23

That was another surgery where they just pretty much like stabbed it essentially and kind of took some of the fluid that was in there to see what it was, and then come to find out they're like, okay, it's not cancerous. You know, by doing that process it did alleviate some of the symptoms. It was like a sack of stuff and so when they drained the fluid it got small and compressed. I was like, okay, maybe you know the doctor was like I've had people that we have to do that for them because surgically we can't remove it. It would be connected to organs. That it's not possible. Or, you know, we can remove it. And so I went with that option first and they found out it was fine and but then in like three months it grew again and I was like you know what, let's just take it out. And he was like I agree, let's just go ahead and do it. You're a young guy, it'll be quick. I'm not too worried about the surgery, you'll be fine.

Speaker 1: 5:11

I feel like that's the thing I always say we're so young. I know I'm 34, about to be 35 this year, and for me I'm still like, I feel like I'm 20.

Speaker 1: 5:22

You know, I feel like I'm 20. I know my back hurts more than I'm used to, but I also don't feel like 20 to 35 is so huge of a gap, other than the idea that I wouldn't talk to anyone 20 without thinking, oh, you're just a 20 year old, you know like. I feel that, but me mentally and I think my grandfather and my uncles, my aunts, have told me this in their head they feel like they haven't aged. They're the same person. They always have been Right.

Speaker 1: 5:51

The only difference in my head is I noticed myself growing in weird ways. Like like the other night I was at a bar and I haven't been to this bar in a long time. In this whole year, my goal has been positive energy. I want to make sure that I put myself in a position where nothing is really going to affect me. I'm going to do what I'm going to do. It's going to be good vibes, right, and we were there chilling and enjoying our time. Something happened. Someone freaked out on someone in the crew that I was with, Okay, and the energy was completely shifted.

Speaker 1: 6:26

Right, right Right and if this was 20 year old, dominique, I'd have been like yo you wrong. I would have been spitting off the law on who knew what and when where, why. I felt like I would have plunged myself into the center of it to try to either relieve it, but it might have made it bigger, yeah. But now it happened, and especially this year, because I'm trying to reflect. My food that I ordered just sat in front of my face and I was so upset, I was so excited for the food, yeah. And then I was like, oh man, the energy's off, yeah, this ain't it. And I like got up, I got it to go box, I paid my bill and I just checked the deuce. I was like, yeah, I gotta go. And everybody was like no, no, no. What did we do? What did we do, oh my God. And I'm like, no, no, no, I ain't doing nothing wrong. Everything's good, everything's good, everything was a good.

Speaker 1: 7:29

I will fully admit everything wasn't good, but the one thing that I could truly do in that moment was take myself out of the equation. Right, nothing happened to me. No one had yelled at me, no one was angry with me, nothing was on me, right. But also I didn't want to sit in that energy, I didn't want to put myself in that position, and so I was like I'm out and I just walked away and I noticed that with myself.

Speaker 1: 7:57

The reason why I'm saying all of this, why I'm bringing all this up, while I'm talking about this whole aging and getting older and feeling young thing, is just when you hear a friend has a tumor and you're in that position where you're like, oh my God, this guy's my age, this stuff can happen to me and us. And wow, we're getting older and life is short and it's just a whole whirlwind of emotions that you want to try to stop, but you can't. That's the world we live in and I'm very happy that you're doing okay. But to go back there, is there any way you can try to put into words how you felt and how it changed your perspective or helped your perspective or maybe hurt your perspective on life and the things that you're going through right now?

Speaker 2: 8:40

You know, when I found out, it was scary just thinking about man, you know, again, I didn't feel like I was older. I mean, anyone can grow that at any age, essentially. But it did make me reflect on, you know, what my journey is, and how am I happy with the journey that's going on, and then how to? Because I never looked at it as something negative, Like I understood that this was something that had to be taken care of, but I never thought, you know, like why me and why is this happening to me? I just felt, you know, it is something that needs to be taken care of and you know it's going to be fine.

Speaker 2: 9:15

I always try to keep a positive outlook. It's going to be great, and once we're done with this, this will be another hurdle that we've, you know, accomplished and taken care of and learned from. I think it did establish in me, you know, to realize what is something, that's, what are the things that are very important to you, and valuing those things more, even more, and not taking for granted being healthy and being, you know, in a good space with your health, essentially. So I think a lot of times I take that for granted too. Just anything could happen at any moment. So.

Speaker 1: 9:47

I can tell just from your energy that you're really in a good place with this, that you're like you know, a past. It we good, I would think, don't worry, kind of thing. I see that it just makes me happy Because, like I said, I feel like more and more I want to continue to look within and improve my wellbeing and look out for the people around me, and to see that just makes me okay, I'm happy, I'm good, that's good, we're in a good place, great, absolutely. See you next time.

Speaker 2: 10:12

Yeah, it definitely was scary for a little bit but yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it.

Speaker 1: 10:17

The reason why I bring up this story I went through the other day, which is so small and scale to what you went through, but it still has that essential feeling of reflecting and understanding what you can do in those scenarios.

Speaker 1: 10:28

I got home last night and I sent the homie who got in a scuffle, who got in the argument with the other person. I sent him a message and it's like, tom and Nick, who are you Like? I'm starting to notice more and more this time that I'm this different person. I sent him a text and I was telling him you know, in 2024, my goal is to push out positive light and energy and if someone isn't about that life, you just gotta take it out of your equation and control the things that you can control. And I sent them a quote that pretty much just added to that and I was like much love, I'm just looking out for you and your wellbeing. And it was one of those out of body moments where I did that. And then I sent it and I looked at myself and I was like what, where, why, and I think in every aspect, I think we should try to strive to get to a place where we are kind of shocked on who we are as a person.

Speaker 1: 11:25

Yes, I do agree, because the goal is to get to a place where we're just okay with doing this, this life that we live. As a 20 year old, I was constantly wondering about how it was gonna affect the world. You know, it wasn't some small thought. It wasn't some small goal. It was never small. It was never. I'm gonna take one step ahead of the next step. It was never that. I was always. I'm gonna do this Grammy, that number one song, this. I am the future. That's what people keep telling me. I'm the future Now. I'm at the age where you're old. Now, even though older people are like you're still young, I am technically still old to success, yes. And when I look at things around me, when I think about the next steps, when I look at the tragedies or hard things that are happening, it's not some grand. I'm gonna change the world anymore. It's more of what can I do for myself to make sure that I'm in the right headspace so that when someone does approach me, I'm prepared. I am ready. In what ways? Do you feel like you're in that? Are you, do you feel like that's happening? It's kind of scary for me because it's like I'm starting to really notice more and more and everything.

Speaker 1: 12:43

Just the other day I was at the store and a dude asked me my new year's resolution and I guess I didn't realize how often my friends make fun of me for the way I think or the way I say things. But when he asked it, I had my initial reaction. I was like I don't do that anymore. I don't do resolution. I like to take the things from the year into the next year. I don't want it to sound as if it's a different time. It's not all of this time and year and all that stuff is something that we created and really there is no years, it's really just a lifetime period. It's all going through this thing. And I stopped myself and I'm like, oh man, I sound like the biggest dude bag in the world. And I said this all back and I was like dude, I'm so sorry, I don't want you to think. And he was like no, you're right, I get it. I'm like no, no, no, no, I get that, but also I don't want to walk away from this situation. And you'd be like that dude was kind of pretentious, or that guy was such a hippie, or that I was like no, no, that was a genuine answer. I was not trying to belittle anything, or, oh my God, I was like my friends would be like you're such a huge bag. Who would look at Dominique Dominique thinking oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, like I was. So I was like, but once it was a moment of me noticing just that's not something I would have said a couple of years ago.

Speaker 1: 14:02

I'm really starting to change in small ways. I'm still me, I'm still doing me, but I'm changing. Are you seeing that? Are you seeing change within yourself? That you're kind of like you're sitting down and you say something or you think something and then you kind of stop yourself. I'm like what happened? What is going on right now? Has that happened to you?

Speaker 2: 14:23

yet. Yeah, there have been some things that essentially I've realized I've changed on. I feel like I've been more definitive of what I'm looking for and that's been good where I feel like I've been very much. I need to get everything done at once and it all needs to be done and put the same energy. But I feel like now I still am very much upsetting a goal for a year, but I feel like I wanted to actually dive into what that's supposed to be and have each week be a how did we get to that full year, and so I feel like I've been more more definitive on that.

Speaker 2: 14:55

I feel like, as far as spending time, I have been more conscious of what my time means to me and I've been okay with either just spending my time the way I want it, not really feeling like I have to be at certain things or do certain things, whether it's work related or friends related or family related just realizing again the time that I have here is precious and I want to experience what I'd like to experience during that time, if that makes sense. I used to just be very much down to do, go here, do this and always be around people, and now pretty content with just being in my own space and inviting new people in. At times, I feel like I've always been someone who is good at, I guess, meeting new people and having new people feel welcomed, but I feel like I've been more of engaging with people and making sure that they're okay. I feel like I was very much reaching out and making sure that I'm reaching out to others more often too.

Speaker 1: 15:57

Do you feel like this is all changing just because live and learn, like is that the big secret to it all, the reason why we're changing is because we're just growing up, or do you think there's small things that's happened? Do you think there are people that have influenced you? Do you feel like this is something you've seen on TV or like where do you think this change is truly coming from?

Speaker 2: 16:17

I think it is coming from just experience, as you can say.

Speaker 1: 16:22

Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 2: 16:23

Yeah, experience yeah, everyone changes over time and I do, you're right, I have a sibling.

Speaker 1: 16:28

I'm not gonna say which sibling, but they have been kind of pushing Okay, a new subject towards the family. Let's put it that way. And the reason why I'm putting that way? Because I don't want people to think I'm like judging this person. I'm not judging them, but they put this subject in which they feel is new towards us. They're younger than us, so they feel like they have to educate us, but then all of us are like you know, we've lived longer than you. Right, right, right, right, right, right. We've all experienced this already.

Speaker 2: 16:57

Right.

Speaker 1: 16:58

Exactly. We might know more than you on what you're doing and you don't realize it. You know and, like you said, it is just a matter of living and I think, more than anything, it's a conscious effort for me to try to learn more. I feel when I was in school, I didn't like school because I wasn't doing the stuff I enjoyed. Yeah, when I was doing theater, when I was performing, when I was singing like my major, I had like a 3.75. And the only reason why I didn't have a 4.0 was because of script analysis.

Speaker 1: 17:27

All right, like I know that I know the class on why I? Didn't get a 4.0 in that major. Oh no, I'm like that. And also I had a teacher who gave me a C in class voice, which was literally show up, sing a song, get credit for singing the song. She gave me a C. I never missed a class.

Speaker 1: 17:50

I never didn't learn the song, I never didn't sing. She just she claimed I didn't select hard enough material and I was like well, I asked you for suggestions, I asked other people for suggestions and I'm saying the songs that I really like, because I thought these are the ones that I should get better at yeah, that's my stuff.

Speaker 1: 18:09

Then you just waited till the end of anyway. I'm not gonna talk about it, but when I was learning things I enjoyed. I enjoyed it. When I was learning stuff that I felt was pointless to the day to day, it was really hard for me to concentrate, and so, now that I'm older, I find myself wanting to read more books, wanting to learn more about the history, and history is the one subject that I was always interested in.

Speaker 1: 18:32

I was always interested in knowing why things happen the way they do. On top of that, also understanding more of why we believe or do or why our society is where it is now. So I try to read more. I try my best to put myself in positions of knowing more, and I know it comes from us actually experiencing life in this snap. But for some reason, I've also been just on this kick where I'm like you know what? No, that's not, that's not even enough. I feel like I have to make this effort so we can continue to grow instead of fall back on old times or un-miss-understand something that we clearly should know. I don't want to be in the room and everybody's looking at me like why?

Speaker 1: 19:14

don't. You know this. You know Storm and I always have a good time catching up. I really hope everybody has been enjoying the season thus far.

Speaker 1: 19:31

I've been having the time of my life doing these conversations, bringing these people together, bringing people back from last year, giving you new people, talking as much as I can about our feelings and different things that's going on in our lives. I just want people to take in this perspective, understand that communication is key. That's always been my goal. I just want people to truly embrace the idea that there are people out here who are hurting. There are people out here who are doing good. There are people out here who are quiet. There are people who are out here talking all the damn time, of course, and the moral is you're not alone. No one should feel alone, and there's always a place you can speak to someone. There's always someone looking out for you. There's always someone thinking about you who hasn't spoken to you in years. So try not to be alone in your thoughts. Share your feelings, speak to those you care about. Look out for those who care about you. You usually can find those people very easily. Some people just try not to see them. But I take this moment to just truly appreciate my God Storm, always looking out for me, always being a great friend, so happy he's doing well and was so happy to do this conversation with him, sending all my love to LA from Georgia.

Speaker 1: 20:47

Let's get back to the conversation. Musically, performance wise, I'm still writing, pushing myself to create, performing, trying my best to sing every song differently. Every time I sing it, even if it's just a small phrasing in one part of the song it's different, and I know what I did differently, just trying to get better. Where are you at in that journey? Do you feel like you're pushing yourself? Do you feel like you've kind of taken a step back? Do you feel like there are any barriers in your way? Like, where are you at musically and performance wise?

Speaker 2: 21:24

Performance wise, I feel like I am in the point where I do love doing the live performances. Those are always really great. I'm realizing I need to get more of the content out, social wise and just releasing the music, having the consistency of releasing music. I had issues with writing and I think it's just because I'm not setting enough time aside for writing. I've been able to jump into it pretty quickly now. I used to kind of have an issue where I wasn't able to jump into the creative space. Once I'm there, I'm like okay, I don't have enough time, I gotta go finish something else and I need to set more time out for that.

Speaker 1: 21:58

This year I've been kind of taking. I wanted to take a different approach on my album. One thing I really enjoy is like when I do studio work or I get in. There's only one song I can remember where I didn't have a very easy recording process because I was working with a producer that I've never worked with before. We usually are going to the studio, it's well rehearsed, we knock it out and a couple of things were done, and this time I'm like I want to get back to being very efficient, but also I don't want to approach every aspect of this album, anything like I've done before, just because I feel like more and more the older I get, my perspective changes on my goals, on what I want from this album, what I want people to think or if I care what people think, and so I've been writing a lot more.

Speaker 1: 22:47

A couple of my albums before where I just wrote the songs for the album and that was it. This time I'm just writing the right and I'm creating it based off of that. I'm forcing myself to use the muscle Instead of hoping the inspiration comes. I'm like, no, you're gonna write even if it's a bad song, and you have a big lump of songs that you can select from the ones that you are passionate about, and also something that I never really did before. I'm willing to rewrite songs, rewrite inspiration, because I used to think, no, that's the way that song's supposed to be. It goes right now. I'm not gonna touch it.

Speaker 1: 23:21

I was like no no, I can see another angle now, and I have to do that For you. You've been doing this a while, too, and I know how much you put into it. What are you doing differently? This album that should. One, get people excited for the album and be like yo, I'm doing this and this is why this album is gonna be so unique. And two, just for yourself.

Speaker 2: 23:45

So this album, I'm really experimenting with mixing different productions or different tracks together.

Speaker 1: 23:52

I know what you're talking about. You're talking about like the sicko mode, like Drake, one second the song is this, and then you switch it up mid song and switch it up, that's the feel that you're looking for. You wanna be able to have people going to ride with the song.

Speaker 2: 24:04

Exactly, exactly, and so I'm excited with these and each song is also, again, still gonna have that lyrical content and still gonna be exciting. But what I want people to get out of each track is really understanding the idea of the song and how each track actually works together and why they were put together.

Speaker 1: 24:24

What's the content Like? Are you speaking about some of the craziest stuff going on in the world right now? Are you doing relationships Cause, like last time you did, nalmumu was pretty rough what you were talking about, the stuff that was going on. Now I feel like the stuff is amplified that's going on. We have people at war right now. We have horrible, horrible things happen into families. Is that the content or are you trying to be a feel good album this time? It?

Speaker 2: 24:48

is some of a feel good slash, longing for your partner, significant other, and definitely a couple tracks, you know, on the side of you know this is what I miss from you and this is the things that, like, I long to have back from you, essentially, whether it's you know, someone that you are hoping to be with or if there are parts of the relationship that maybe have been put to the side or neglected. I'm hoping this album will also help with that, as far as rekindling different feelings in relationships.

Speaker 1: 25:21

Second major, to be known Like breathing out and breathing in. I was so really independent, I content before we met. Surely I can always be that way Again. And yet I've grown accustomed to her voice. Accustomed to her voice, accustomed to her faith.

Speaker 2: 26:01

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:04

This is a clip of me singing. I've grown accustomed to her face. For my 2023 performance I did at the Blue Strawberry in St Louis, I pulled my good friend, Ryan Bryant out of the audience to play this and it was one of my favorite moments on stage last year. You can listen to my music on all streaming platforms. So you can check me out for more information at DomLemorecom, where you can get anything and everything DomLemore.

Speaker 1: 26:29

I've grown accustomed to the way there's something in the air Accustomed to her faith. Yeah, yeah, I found myself, like I said, in a really good headspace this year and Adrian and I have been sharing just as much as we always have. Like that has never really been a problem with us. We'll talk to each other, but since I'm doing the work on me, I think I'm starting to also notice how it's affecting others. There was this video I saw with James Baldwin, who was speaking to his lady, and a line that really stuck out to me was she wanted him to pretend that he was fine and he was like no, I'm honest with you, I tell you everything. And she was like but you don't have to do that.

Speaker 1: 27:38

You put on this front for white people and for your boss all day long. And then you come home and I got to take all the hell. I got to take all the negative energy you are holding in all day. Hold it in for me too. Show me that you are willing to do the work to at least make me happy and be positive for me, instead of coming home and being angry at everyone else and me getting that angry energy.

Speaker 1: 28:05

I want you at your best, just like you give them, even though you don't want to give them your best. Give it to me because you want to give me your best, Even if the day was hard, even if the person took advantage of you. Are you willing to do the work at home to make that person who you love Happy and you can do that while also being honest with them about what's going on at work. Right, it could be a shitty day. You can come home and talk about your shitty day, but then also you can rub her back and tell her about how important this time Speaking with her is and how important being with her and seeing her is, because it makes everything okay right.

Speaker 1: 28:48

Now, what do you want me to do? Let's make dinner. Let's go out. Let's go do this because that's the true, important relationship. That boss is gonna replace you the day that you leave. Right, that boss, if you pass away, find someone else to do your job. That boss is gonna always push you Towards the limit of I want to leave this place because they don't need anything other than you to work. That's what their goal is. I'm your boss. Your job is to work and give us the most that we possibly can get out of you. Yeah, at the base price that we're agreed upon, until we try to either make another agreement or tell you hey, there's no price that you can get other than what you're getting. If you don't want it, we'll get someone else always comes down to that.

Speaker 1: 29:32

So that person's job is just to work you and to not truly care about the other stuff. But the other person's job is to be there for you and make you better and to love you and to push you and to to share interests and to add to your life and help you create a family and help you build an empire. Why wouldn't you give them that energy? And this interview was Decade to go.

Speaker 1: 29:54

This wasn't something that had just been posted. This isn't something that was in the 2000s. It wasn't even in the 90s or 80s. I think this is like in the 70s. This was a long time ago and they were talking this way then. And so you have all of this time in between these decades, these horrible working environments, the idea we've had two decades of no Change in minimum wage, everything is higher in cost, but we're not being paid anymore. We're literally being paid the same amount we were paid then. Yeah, some people are reeking the benefits, others aren't. In this work environment, in this world, in this climate, it's even more Important to put the people who got you back, who live and die for you.

Speaker 1: 30:41

First right working on me has helped me Continue to work on that and to push that into a better area and to continue to improve on on what we want for our future. In what ways do you feel like you are Working, struggling, maybe not doing it right, maybe doing it right? How are you improving your relationship every day?

Speaker 2: 31:07

trying to be there in ways of acts of service. Essentially, yeah, I can't control the day at work for my partner, but I know if things, if I'm able to take care of some things, so she's not worried about that. You know, I'm trying my best to is that her main love language.

Speaker 2: 31:23

Yes, I believe it's that, and so just making sure that I'm there and also trying to be present in in our times together. It's hard to put the phone down. Yeah, especially, we are very much social media artists, as far as you know. That is important because it shows to your other that the time that you're spending with them means More than you know what you're kind of working on at that point.

Speaker 2: 31:45

Yeah and so just making sure I'm present. I think in past relationships my dream was very important as far as not coming first, but essentially, like you know, this is something I need to take care of, and both of us need to be doing this together. I've been now more conscious of making sure that I have time dedicated to the relationship and tying our Dreams together, just making sure that we're asking each other you know, hey, what are you are trying to attain this week, or what have you done? And celebrating in the accomplishments of things and then just reminding them that you know I still believe in what you're trying to do, and if I can help in any way, you know, let me know what I can do. And just combining forces is something big too.

Speaker 1: 32:29

Yeah, adrian and I do successes and challenges of the day. Usually that's like our Reflection, but we of course, talk through everything and it's really just important for me to try to be present. I feel like Social media has been Thrust it into me Constantly by every angle right people, fans, but also family, my godbabies. It's like I need social media.

Speaker 1: 32:59

Yeah in so many ways. Yeah, I need it, I need it, I need it. But also I want To be present, and the reason why I need social media is because a lot of the things I want to be present with I can't be.

Speaker 2: 33:15

Right, exactly.

Speaker 1: 33:17

I can't be in New York, I can't be in LA, I can't be in St Louis, not all day. But on social media I can be, but then again it stops me from being present here, right? That's my challenge, I think my biggest challenge with relationships in general, not just Adrian and I, because I think both of us be sitting down and get caught up In our phone randomly but, we are good about pulling ourselves out of it If we go somewhere we went to on a date downtown Atlanta.

Speaker 1: 33:50

We're good about keeping our phones in our pockets. That's not a problem in our relationship. But Just while working on myself, social media has been this battle for me. It's been this hard, hard fight, right, and I know that it's me who's fighting. I know that it's me who's constantly talking about it. I know it's me that's Adding that extra stress to my day-to-day because it's very easy just to not ever use it. You could really easily just never turn it on, right. But with all of those things I said before, I Turn it on because I yearn for those human interactions, right, those Places. I miss sitting by the Mississippi River on lunch breaks. I miss passing the arch or Driving past push stadium downtown. I miss umami burglary in.

Speaker 2: 34:42

LA.

Speaker 1: 34:44

I miss driving down the mohawk and drive and Seeing Universal Studios. I miss Going down the 101. Yeah the valley into Hollywood and seeing the W and seeing Hollywood and seeing all of this incredible historical landmarks and Places you see in movies and miss that I miss so much in social media.

Speaker 1: 35:12

Is this blessing right that I can see that stuff? I could feel that stuff, I can remember that stuff. But then, awesome, you people have been so successful on it that I see their success and it makes me compare my success to theirs, which is the ultimate sin it is, and it makes the whole thing feel like I don't wanna be a part of this. Right, I mean, it's hard. It just continues to be something I have to work on, which essentially wraps into me working on myself to make sure I'm in a better place for my relationship with my wife and the people around me. How about you? In any way do you think it gets between you and your partner?

Speaker 2: 36:02

There are times it does. Social media is definitely its own animal and it's hard to keep yourself from again, like you said, comparing yourself to others. It was meant for seeing your family and being able to connect, and I think it just changed into a. Capitalist society, yeah.

Speaker 1: 36:21

I have to basically yeah.

Speaker 2: 36:22

I have to showcase what I'm doing next, who I am, and prove why watching me is more important than watching somebody else. Instead of just kind of showcasing who you are and your talent, it just became more of a how can I grab your attention more than somebody else, or even I get it. But sometimes the posts that are like everyone's gonna see this and scroll past it, the like what does that call Not the self-pity post? Is that a self-pity?

Speaker 1: 36:49

post. I don't know where it's coming from. I mean it feels like that when it like, if you pass this up, god's gonna strike you down bullshit.

Speaker 2: 36:57

Yeah, it's like y'all.

Speaker 1: 36:58

now I gotta look at it it's like, yeah, when it should just be.

Speaker 2: 37:02

You know, I mean, it definitely does hinder relationships at times. Going back to the time of being there for your partner is important, because there are times in social media and we haven't really talked about XYZ today, or then I'm down about music, maybe that day because I saw something. I saw a post and saw something. It was like, man, you know, I deserve to be there. I know that I have the talent to do this and why haven't I done this and why am I not? You know, I should have accomplished, getting this, this and this done. And I do believe that social media can be a hindrance, but I try to look at it as, again, just a space for the people you know my fans and friends and family to see what I'm up to and how I'm doing, and not more of a bragging space, more of a here's what we have accomplished together. You know, and I'm only gonna continue trying, keep trying. So I would love for you to be with me on this journey.

Speaker 1: 37:55

Lastly, I'm curious on your end, I know, am I in. I will always say if there's something to improve in for me when it comes to our relationship. I think I'm a good listener, but I would like to be a better listener still and not jump into conclusions. I feel like you were with someone and I grew up the oldest kid in the house. So as the oldest kid, my mother was very famous at jumping to conclusions.

Speaker 1: 38:24

I know what you did kind of thing. It's like what, what you know, and with my little brothers I would see by example. So I would like I know what you did. I know what you were trying to do. I know, I know, but I didn't know and I never know. Even when it's just the two of you living in the house, there's always possibilities that someone was visiting over and they moved your favorite cup. You can't assume. So listening and not assuming are the two things that I wanna continue to work on, but I think I've been doing a really good job of working on myself in our relationship. If you were to reflect on yourself and to look into yourself, what would you say you need to improve in when it comes to your relationship?

Speaker 2: 39:06

I'm very much that person that's like when I want something, I need to take care of it, it needs to be done. Then I don't want to think about it. But tomorrow I don't wanna be put it off, I just wanna get it done. And I think for me I need to be more patient in that and realize that to some people that may not be something that needs to be done right away to them, and I feel like I'm very much a clean freak. I like things in their place and to be put back where they were, just because of the space that you're sharing with someone else. I think my parents also put that into me too. Always put something back where you put it and be more patient with that type of stuff. I'm patient for a lot of different things, but I mean as far as giving my partner the time I'm like hey can you take the trash out, or can you take care of this?

Speaker 2: 39:51

And I notice myself in like this 30 seconds. If it's not moved, I'm like what I didn't ah, and I go put it away myself. But just give it. Yeah, I can be impatient in that, in that aspect, and not putting too much worry into that.

Speaker 1: 40:07

I'm just a lot of people who are doing that. It's always a good time. I'm so happy you're doing well. I'm so happy to hear your voice, so happy to see you Me too. We've made it to the end of the episode. And the last thing I ask every time how do you feel?

Speaker 2: 40:24

I feel good. I have really missed you a lot. I'm glad that you're doing well. I feel excited for this year. I feel excited for where my life is at this moment. I love just having the time to reflect and you definitely always are great at helping me look at different things in my life and connecting, and it makes my heart feel full knowing that you're good too and just being able to reflect and have that time, that blackmail time to just speak and just talk, man, so I appreciate it.

Speaker 2: 40:55

Thank you so much. Cheers to you. Cheers to you.

Speaker 1: 41:08

I want to thank you for listening to the black man talking emotions podcast. The open and quote credit goes to Rumi and Storm. Thank you for being on the pod. Follow Storm at Storm aka Storm on Instagram. Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating Five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. Also, tell me your plans for the upcoming year. We should collab. Follow me at doml underscore am or you are on Instagram or at domla morecom. I'm Dom LaMoure. Much love.