"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
Unveiling True Self: Leana Welker's Transition Story
Dom L'Amour speaks with good friend Leana Welker AKA (@Leanadelalune) about Transitioning to a new gender, the struggles, and the rewards of the move.
What does it truly mean to live authentically? This week, we sit down with Leana Welker, who shares her heartfelt journey of transitioning from male to female over the past year. You'll hear about the intricate layers of self-love, the nuanced changes in personal expression, and the mixed bag of reactions from family and friends. Leana's courage and determination illuminate the broader societal struggles faced by transgender individuals and emphasize the immense importance of personal identity.
Liana opens up about a pivotal emotional breakdown that led her to unearth hidden aspects of her past. Her poignant reflection offers hope and understanding for those on similar paths. From the role of therapy and self-reflection in her journey to the significance of self-awareness, this chapter is a powerful testament to personal growth and inner strength.
Lastly, we tackle the thorny issue of inner criticism and self-doubt, both within the trans community and beyond. Leana’s experiences highlight the often-overlooked impact of negative self-talk and external influences on our internal dialogue. We explore how outdated self-protection mechanisms can impede our growth and the importance of fostering a supportive internal environment. Join us as we explore the beauty of experiencing life authentically, finding joy in life's milestones, and rediscovering activities that bring true happiness.
Please support Leana's New Band "Coyote Verde and The Wild Pack"
Follow them @cvatwp on Instagram for music and updates!
Opening quote: Shanna Katz Kattari
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "I Get a Kick Out of You" performed by Dom L'Amour
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @dom_lamour on Instagram. Or at
You know, part of me wants to have like a big dramatic because, like I feel like most of the family knows, like not everyone knows, but also just part of me wants to have a big dramatic moment and like but also like I don't care, I don't care, I'm going to do my thing and as long as nobody tries to raise a stink about it, I'm gonna continue to do my thing.
Speaker 1:You know I don't need to cater to other people's expectations of me. Yeah, I think that's a very important lesson that I've had to learn and I'm still trying to integrate as a chronic people pleaser. But like, this is my life and it is my blessing that my life gets to share with so many other people's lives, you know ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here, my name is dom lamore and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast.
Speaker 2:On today's episode, I speak with friend of the show, liana Walker, about transitioning to a new gender, the struggles and the rewards of the move. When you show up as your authentic self, whatever, whatever that may be, you allow others to do the same, creating the world we all deserve. The last time we spoke, something dramatically has changed since then. Yeah, you don't have the same name since the last time we spoke. No, I sure don't Tell me about how you are doing now, because I remember you were struggling a little bit with people accepting you for what you wanted to be accepted for.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Over a year now since our first time recording, I've started transitioning from a man to a woman. I changed my name yeah it's been a a year yeah I have, I don't.
Speaker 2:I honestly don't think I've really had given myself a moment to really like reflect on the year like I said, I don't want you to say too much stuff that you don't want to, but more than any, I just think it's important to speak to someone and have them really give's more accepted. It's actually something that people feel in certain areas of the country like this is normal, like this is something that, hey, just accept this person for who they are. But then also, in the same breath, you have people who are like, hey, that that woman is a man who's fighting the women and it's like no it's a woman, you don't even understand what they are the nuance of it all.
Speaker 2:Yes, like they're still trying their best to make it harder for people when they don't even fully understand what's going on with certain people in that scenario. She's not even trans. She's a woman. Yeah, it's a woman. So that's why I think it's important to talk and to give some type of voice or shed some kind of light on it, because it is something that is very much happening around us. So many people are suffering, some people are thriving, and it's just something that I feel like. Like I said, I just wanted to hear your journey.
Speaker 1:I mean, overall it's been great, it's been really good. I've kind of just been learning new ways of how I'm loving and accepting my body and how I'm expressing that love to myself. You know, like sometimes it's just little ways of taking care of myself. Sometimes it's how I carry myself, sometimes the way that I'm just feeling so comfortable in my skin and in the different kinds of clothing that I'm wearing and how I'm wearing my hair. It's just stuff that's so subtle and maybe to someone who's not tapped in on it is imperceivable, but to me it is such a big thing.
Speaker 1:It's had its own obstacles, kind of hardships of it all. It's definitely taken a toll on my family relationships, A lot of family members. To be fair, like I haven't been close with a lot of my family members I live six hours away from most of them, like out of space, out of mind sort of thing. But like it's not been quite hate or vitriol, but it's definitely a thing of like you're making a mistake because I think I know better than you and that mentality is just dumb. It's weird. It's like I've been living this life, my life. I've been living my life for the past almost 33 years now and, yes, you've got years of experience on me, but that doesn't mean that you know my experience. You don't know the things that I've gone through throughout my life. It's frustrating. It's frustrating.
Speaker 2:It's interesting too, because in so many scenarios we see people, especially ones who fight against that, talk about how they don't want people to take rights away from them. You can't take our guns from us. You can't force our kids to say happy holidays. They're Christians, so they should say Merry Christmas. You're trying to take things away from us constantly. You hear one side say that about the other side, but then the hypocrisy is they're trying their best to continue to take things from other people. This is your identity. This is what you feel makes you happy. This is something that you believe is a part of you, and they're like no no.
Speaker 2:How dare you do that? You need to do what we want you to do. It's.
Speaker 1:It's really mind-blowing, I think part of it is that they're they're scared of change in themselves, in the world around them, and part of me thinks that it's.
Speaker 1:It's recognizing that this older way of living and going through the world is no longer like relevant, and so it's just trying to grasp and hold on to just whatever you can to keep that way of life in power, you know, and to kind of trail off of that. My personal experience has been older women in my life have been trying to say that like how do you know what makes a woman? And it's like I don't. But I know that my experience that I've lived through life is not that of a boy, it's not that of a man. I've done so many things in my life where it's not because, oh, I thought that was cool, but it's just like, oh, this is just what I'm supposed to do, like as a woman. Like it's hard to explain that to people Like I mean I'm I'm having a hard time explaining it to you as well right now, and it's what I've noticed is that people that are getting upset and trying to make me like define myself for them. They feel like their femininity, their womanhood is being threatened.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And I think it kind of is by the general world abroad and they're using us as a scapegoat you know that was going to be like the next question I was going to ask, like do you ever feel like sometimes, when you're talking to them and they're giving you these arguments on their side, saying you're doing this and you're taking this from me, or you can't truly experience this, you don't have a uterus, or whatever they yell at you, do you feel like they're right or they're wrong? Like how does that affect you?
Speaker 1:it's this weird mental gymnastics of like yeah, you're right, I don't.
Speaker 1:That's kind of the problem here yeah problem's not even the right word, but it's like that's the situation here. That's what's going on. I'm not trying to be a woman, I'm trying to be a trans woman. I'm not gonna get the experiences that a woman gets. That's not what I'm getting. Yeah, you know, and that's not what I'm going to get. I've talked with a couple of friends about, like, how I'm never going to experience motherhood, but that is something that I've wanted for so long and I can't you know Mm hmm.
Speaker 1:And that's, yeah, sad. Yeah, you know that's heartbreaking. Yes, I can adopt, but like there are some things that I will not ever be able to get to experience, and that's okay.
Speaker 2:You just said for sure you're trying to be a trans woman, not a woman. Yeah, one thing I've noticed with that in some scenarios people just avoid that word altogether. I'm not trans, I'm just a woman. How do you view that argument? Because I feel like that's something that also goes into the fire of arguments around this, where someone's like I'm a woman, why don't you just call me a woman? And they're like but you're a trans woman, then they'd be angry that you won't just say this or say this or that. How do you view that? Because that goes into the pronouns conversation as well, where it's like these are my pronouns, this is what I want to be called, this is what I believe I am, and then other people are trying to tell you you're wrong.
Speaker 1:I think it's very individual and it honestly just kind of boils down to semantics of how somebody wants to be perceived in the world and how somebody wants to identify as themselves. And I was actually having a conversation with this about a different topic. But I feel like sometimes in our quest to bring justice and social justice to the world and make sure that everybody is being respected, I feel like we get bogged down in the semantics of our language, which is important, is incredibly important, but it's sometimes distracting from the actual issue that we're trying to address. It becomes like 18 different sidebars past that conversation where it's like okay, but what is the actual root issue that we're trying to talk about here?
Speaker 1:If it's somebody that I'm going to be seeing on a regular basis, I will introduce myself, I will give pronouns, but if it's like you know somebody at work, like somebody that comes through the bar, like I'll give my name and I will leave them up to your own devices, I don't really care. I know who I am, I know my experience. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind. I'm not trying to be some martyr. Part of me thinks that maybe I should and be outspoken, but I'm also still trying to understand my own experience right now. I don't want to be trying to explain my process, as I'm trying to just enjoy my process. I'm not worried if some fucking Joe Schmo on the street calls me a dude. I'm not worried about it because I surround myself with people that are loving and affirming of who I actually am. It's sometimes it's just not worth the energy to correct a random stranger.
Speaker 2:That just sucks though Cause when you're in this scenario where you're in the world and you have to.
Speaker 2:I mean, everyone should find their tribe, find their people, find their safe place. Everyone should do that. Everyone should know that everyone shouldn't be alone fighting in the world. They shouldn't have to.
Speaker 2:But even in this scenario, where it's like you kind of have to really rely on that tribe and it's like so many people could be educated on this and they just don't want to be educated on it, they could treat others how they want to be treated and just it's not your business. I feel like that should be the way everyone thinks. But so many people are so nosy. So many people want their opinion to spread onto you. They see all these influencers, they see all these people going viral for saying negative things and when something bad happens, that person becomes infamous and that's just as good as being famous. So they're not afraid to be like I'm just going to say how I feel, because that'll be my personality, That'll be my shtick and people will follow me, and people who really feel this way will appreciate that. I'm saying it out loud and really it's like you don't have to say anything. You could just live your life with your tribe and leave us the hell alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We just want to live in the world, pay our bills, have our rights. We want to do all of that stuff and just we don't have to interact with y'all if you don't have to. I'm just very appreciative of the time that Liana lent me today and the conversation I felt like was something that I'm just so grateful that we had. I can't think of any other time I was in a position where I could do something like this, where we could talk about something that I feel is being shoved aside or being criticized and, instead of us looking at it the way everyone else is, we're able to truly just talk to each other and talk about our feelings and how this happened and why this happened, and just connect. It was great to hear her story. She was so brave and I just appreciate being able to be there for her.
Speaker 2:I feel like I wish I was able to do that for other friends who went through transition when I was younger and I just didn't understand it. I wish I was able to be there for them like this. This is great. I feel like I know more about my friend. I feel like my friend trusts me and is honest with me and is working through something and is open to working through that with me, and that's encouraging. You want people in your corner that trust you and that you trust. And I love Liana so much.
Speaker 2:I've always appreciated her, so this is special to me, and I hope that people listening can maybe see just how easy it is to have a conversation with the people that you love that are going through transitions like this. When you were in the mind state of maybe I want to transition into a woman, when do you think it really started? Some people think you just hit a switch and it's like I'm a woman now and it's like that's not even kind of true. Yeah, when would you even say the first maybe that's what I want to do? How long did it take you to actually go through the process? Because it's a really big choice, it's a really huge thing to do. Where did it start for you?
Speaker 1:The moment the egg cracked, when we all went to vegas for our friend jeremy's birthday. There was copious amounts of drinking and drugs involved. I just remember leaving the trip and thinking I'm about to undergo like a huge metamorphosis and I couldn't pinpoint it. I couldn't. A month later, like covet't. A month later, like COVID happened. It gave me all of this time to like really think about myself. I came out as non-binary and continue to explore myself through that route.
Speaker 1:And then it was like last April I was going through a heartbreak from a situation and had been talking with my therapist about my inner teenager. I feel like I'm very in touch with my inner child. I have a lot of photos of myself as a kid as far as my inner teenager like I scrubbed that out of the internet. There is not much left of me from that time when all I think about of myself at that time it's just this like fake smile all the time. It looks happy but it's not, you know. And so I kind of started to mentally explore.
Speaker 1:That had a breakdown that night and was just like crying in the car and it was like a second voice came out of me that I immediately recognized as like my inner teenager voice and it was like why are you treating me like other people treated me? Why are you hiding me away and why are you trying to make it as though I don't exist? There was just a moment of just instant clarity, and I've struggled with my mental health a lot. There have been times where I've gotten close to the edge and been in really, really dark spots for far too long, regardless of how people want to think about the trans issue, whatever the like I'm, I'm not gonna argue it because all I know is that ever since I started transitioning and ever, you know, like combination of just medication and just how I'm viewing myself I have never been happier yeah my lows have been nowhere near as low or frequent as they have been, and that in itself is a win, regardless of what the outcome ends up being later down the line.
Speaker 1:Like that is more important to me than anything else is that I'm not wanting to get rid of myself off this place every six months, you know, because that's not a healthy way to live. No, I don't give a shit Like I'm not trying to live that way anymore.
Speaker 2:So what we were going through because I mean, we went to college together and we seen so many things together and hung out A lot of this stuff is new still to me too, because you didn't share this with everyone In those moments before the therapist or I'm not sure how long you've had the therapist who did you talk to Like, who was someone that you felt comfortable enough to even go through this with?
Speaker 1:Or did you really just do it yourself, like it? Where the fuck this come from? I was like this is something I have been going through for the past like several years, and that's why I know that this is real and that's why I know this is important, because it's not just something I'm like all right, cool, I'm going to do this. That's that's kind of just how I knew that this was something I needed to do and something like the. The path that I needed to follow was because it's it is something that I came to on my own. You know, I'll be the first to admit, when I first learned about what trans was you know it's, I was ignorant as fuck. I was so ignorant it was, it was dumb. The more I learned about it, the more I realized it was like oh, this is all stuff that I'm experiencing. Oh shit, okay, okay. It really held a mirror up to me and I was like, okay, this is serious.
Speaker 2:Something that I feel like I always hear about is that there's always inner fighting in that community. It's just like everything else in the world. You know, people always assume that people are from the outside talking negative about it, but have you experienced any negativity from other trans people within the community?
Speaker 1:No, I am blessed to have some very good communities that I'm a part of up here and circles that I run in. It's not from the community or from people within the community, it's it's from within myself of not feeling like I'm enough, you know, and and like that I don't belong here. And so it's just it's reminding myself that, like, no, like the reason you are even you know at this function is because you belong here. The only the only reason that you, like, are even aware of these things, are because you belong here. And so it's just a lot of reminding myself that, even though I am good and have been the best I've been in a while, that negative self-talk still exists and it still lingers.
Speaker 2:And you know, if anything, it's got more ammunition now, but it's also not as strong I was just talking to a friend the other day about how they were asking me like so what do you really want from your career? Like, like from your day-to-day, from your passion? What do you want, you know? Like I didn't even answer that question. I was like, really, what I want is for this voice in my head to shut the fuck up. Yeah, because that's truly the hardest part about everything that I do. My head is telling me why are you even posting this online? No one's gonna like it. Is this song even good? Why don't you just put it in the trash can and forget about this? This isn't working out.
Speaker 2:I feel that it's constantly telling me negative things and in ways, it's good that I'm hearing the negative from me, because when I hear from someone else, I can process it a little better. But also it beats me up. It makes it so hard for me to continue to want to go. It makes it so hard for me to think, if I put all of this energy in this, this is going to be successful. But one thing that I always can look back on is the successes this podcast. I'm talking to you because you know you started this. You were the first one I actually did this with. When I listen to every episode, when I talk to people about the episodes, it always reassures me. Dominic, you're doing something right. This podcast makes me feel like I'm doing something right and that inner voice truly is my biggest enemy. And to hear that from you, that sounded the exact same thing. You literally just like it's me.
Speaker 2:It's not even the people around me. It's me that's doing that.
Speaker 1:Something my last therapist said before my current one your inner critic. They are trying to just keep you safe and sometimes it's using outdated modalities and outdated ways of keeping you safe. And so it's now kind of up for your current healed self to kind of look at that and be like I understand where these criticisms are coming from. But I need you to trust me that I have it. The fear of not being good enough, that inner criticism is probably it. The fear of not being good enough. That inner Criticism is probably just the fear of rejection and not wanting to get hurt, but it's. It has to be the present self being like, yes, that hurts, but also like what if we didn't get rejected? And even if we do get rejected, we've survived it Several times like we, we don't have to like fear that yeah, it sucks, it's uncomfortable, but like it's a better, higher risk reward sort of thing.
Speaker 2:You know, when I think about this process of working with you and yourself, it's a lot of voices from outside. Still, you know, maybe someone outside isn't saying it right now, but you've heard something that triggers your brain to repeat it. And a great example of that for me I was at this open mic and this trumpet player, trent Patton. I was talking to him about how, man, it's so cool to see you doing this jam session. Jazz needs this. So many people don't like jazz anymore. They treat jazz so bad and they don't support it. And people like you are bringing it back and making it feel good. And he just said the dopest thing. It was so incredible. He looked at me. He was like you know, the only people who tell me that people don't like jazz is people who play jazz. And I was like damn, that's crazy, cause I personally have heard other jazz cats saying that. And then I'm just repeating it. I've never heard anyone outside of the community say that. I've never heard anyone who is gigging.
Speaker 2:Every time I'm singing the music I sing, people are like this is the music we should be playing on the radio. Still, people are always like yo, this is great music, keep doing it. You're such an old soul. This is great. I wish more doing it. You're such an old soul this is great. I wish more people did this. I always hear that from people listening to what I'm doing. I was listening to the video of the show I did in Chicago and at the very end of it the guy who was announcing the show just went. Wow, what an incredible night. He was just so happy and that was because of jazz. But I'm the one that's going around spreading the rhetoric because of something in my head telling me that I need to say this, even though I don't need to say that. I don't need to feel that way. It isn't always me making myself feel bad. Sometimes the outside influence infects you and makes it even harder for you to see through your own thoughts that it's not even you saying that, which is just mind blowing. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is.
Speaker 2:It's crazy how the human mind works and how we adapt to certain situations and how we interpret things. We could see something in the clouds and then by the end of that night, you want to believe that it was your grandmother pointing you in the right direction and it's like it was just clouds. It was just clouds we but our brain.
Speaker 1:We find patterns yes.
Speaker 3:Big Cole Porter fan over here. He was a nasty guy.
Speaker 2:He really was gross. All his songs were about sex and drugs.
Speaker 3:True story I ain't get no kick from champagne. Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all. So tell me, why should it be true that I get a kick out of you? Y'all ready Some like the perfume from Spain or pure cocaine? I'm sure that if I took even one sniff, that would bore me terrifically too. That would bore me terrifically too, cause I get a kick out of you. I get a kick. Every time I see you Standing there before me, I get a kick, though it's clear to me that you obviously Don't adore me. I get no kick in a plane Flying so high with some chick in the sky is my idea of nothing to do. Baby, I get up out of you.
Speaker 2:Let me hear a little bit over here now well, this is another one of those tunes that I sing at the Chicago Valentine's Day performance I did at Lemon Bar. Liana works there, of course, so it was really fun to have her in the room while I was grooving to the tunes, and this is just one of those special nights that I always like to share here on the music part of the show. I hope you enjoyed the performance. I get a kick out of you One of my favorite Cold Porter songs and I really just had a blast on this one. It was just a good time.
Speaker 2:I feel like it was fun to share a moment that I got to have with Liana and the other guys back in Chicago. It was just a lot of fun. So you can check out all of my information at DonMemoircom and you can listen to all of my music on all streaming platforms and if you need anything, get at me. I'm working on a new album. I'm trying to work with as many people as possible, so hope you enjoy the rest of the tune and hope you enjoy the rest of the episode. It's really interesting to me.
Speaker 3:So much love to you all for me, I get a kick, though it's clear to me that you obviously don't adore me. I get no kick in. A Flying so high with this girl in the sky is my idea of nothing to do, because I get a kick. Yes, I get a smooch. Yes, I get a kick out of you.
Speaker 2:I feel like one thing that always happens with the trans conversation or bisexual anyone in the LGBTQ community. Whenever you talk, especially with queer, you talk about these things. It's portrayed in media, social media, everything the negative parts, the negative interactions. This trans kid was murdered because of this. You see those stories 20 times more than you see someone saying they became trans and it changed their life and they are living the best life they can ever have.
Speaker 2:I know and it's them living in their true self, and this is beautiful. So, instead of lingering on the negatives or how you got to where you are and trying to help people understand, screw everybody else. This final part. I just want to talk to you and hear the positives. I want to know have you had those moments where you sat down and you could smell the roses? Have you had those moments where you sat down and he was like, wow, if I wouldn't have done this, my life would be somewhere I could never imagine? This is the best thing I've done. How were those moments? How did you celebrate those moments? Did you have people with you in those moments? And, truly, just what are the things that are in your life now that make it 20 times better, that weren't there before?
Speaker 1:I mean honestly, what it boils down to most is just peace. It's waking up and feeling like a weight is just off of you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Taking a walk in the park and just not thinking about anything, just being present and taking it all in and not having to be on edge. You know, I think one of the biggest moments was a friend and I went out to Zion back in September and there was just one moment where I went outside and sat in a lawn chair and just like looked at this farm ground and the mountainscape and I was just like, wow, like I, I was able to get out here.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Most. So much of that trip felt so like surreal that we were even there and doing it, but like that was just a very distinct moment of sitting down and just taking it all in. I've been really prioritizing like rest and just not pushing myself further than I need to or like further than I'm capable of. And sometimes and like on one hand, my body is weak now my body is weak, my body is is it's like truly I'm part of it was that I was like I want to see what my medication will do to my body naturally and then like establish a kind of new baseline and go from there.
Speaker 1:But also part of it has just been I'm enjoying my downtime, coming out of the other end of that where I'm like, okay, I still want to dance, I still want to like make sure my body can, can like go on hikes and can climb the rock wall at the gym like and and can run, ride a bike and do all these things that I find so much joy in, and so it's almost like it's re-experiencing so much stuff for the first time. When I'm around somebody I'm attracted to. It's still like a fucking high school crush where I'm just like, oh hi hello um, you know stuff like that, and I think that's lovely, I think it's exciting.
Speaker 2:The image in my head is like you're getting to have a redo on a couple of things you know. You're getting to experience things new and again a lot of people don't get to experience again. You know, first and foremost, that my body is weak. Thing is so real.
Speaker 2:I had two beers and a shot of fireball two days ago when my little brother, ryan, was in town. The next morning I woke up. I usually get up early and get a mile walk in and kind of get my body ready. I got up, went in the bathroom, I sat down and I was like I can't stay up, my body hurts. And I didn't, I wasn't drunk, anyway. That's totally off subject.
Speaker 1:I know I'm with you, though, like that's kind of it's so crazy. It's kind of been part of it, like I haven't. I took the last month off of drinking and honestly I'm not in a rush to return back to it. I enjoy being in the cocktail scene. I enjoy the creativity that goes into it, I enjoy the flavors of it all. I enjoy the atmosphere of bars and stuff.
Speaker 1:But it's also kind of back to what we were talking about earlier with the risk reward stuff. It's like the reward of that is not equal to the risk of feeling like shit the next morning. Oh, absolutely not. I went out and had some drinks two nights ago and then it kind of just like threw off my whole day because I had therapy the next morning and like just really couldn't collect my thoughts. I had band practice that night and like was just forgetting words, my hands weren't fucking working right on the guitar and like it's. I didn't get upset at myself, but it was kind of just like a I told you so sort of moment and I was like, okay, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2:It's one of my favorite nah songs. He talks about how you know, like taking your first swim and still being a virgin and all of the things that, these memories that you go through. He's like the first time you heard a Nas verse, like these things that were just crazy moments that are stuck in your brain that you were like I remember exactly how that felt. I remember exactly when I did that. And then you look back into your life and there's some things you just really wish you could do over. I know so many friends who wish they could have their virginity back and go through that process again, because the first time was just so awkward. So many people talking to me about the idea of they would do middle school over, because middle school was just so awful, it was so horrifying. People talking about how, if I had a choice to play this instrument like for me, I would play violin instead of playing saxophone, because I was really tested well in that but I just didn't do it.
Speaker 2:And these are moments that I'm like I just wish I could have them back and you're actually getting the opportunity to have some of those moments back. You're getting to experience things not as a new person, just as your full self. Yeah, without hiding, without trying to create some other illusion, you're like this is me and I am fully experienced in this moment for the first time, without anyone seeing a different part of me or being confused about what I want. It's me doing it. That's so encouraging, that's so dope, and I feel like that should be something that's preached to other people who are trying to go through this transition. Don't look at it as some big moment that everyone has to know. You shouldn't even have to announce it. You should just be able to go through this transition. Don't look at it as some big moment that everyone has to know. You shouldn't even have to announce it. You should just be able to go through your transition and have these moments where you experience the world fully, you know.
Speaker 1:You know, part of me wants to have like a big dramatic because, like I feel like most of the family knows, like not everyone knows, but also just part of me wants to have a big dramatic moment and like but also like I don't care, I don't care, no, I'm going to do my thing and as long as nobody tries to raise a stink about it, I'm going to continue to do my thing.
Speaker 1:You know I don't need to cater to other people's expectations of me. Yeah, I think that's a very important lesson that I've had to learn and I'm still trying to integrate as a chronic people pleaser. But like, this is my life and it is my blessing that my life gets to share with so many other people's lives, you know.
Speaker 2:All right, so we made it to the end of the episode. I appreciate you taking your time and thank you for being so honest. I know that this technically, there wasn't really nothing else that we were going to talk about today.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I should have guessed, but like I had a feeling you knew it was going to happen.
Speaker 1:I knew you felt like, but I didn't want to, I didn't want to worry you beforehand and I feel like, like I said, this is just such an important conversation, like you did a really good job of like not making like an example out of it or like putting it up on a pedestal and, like you know, a kind of a monolith moment, which is good, because I was like I'm not, I'm not qualified to speak for all trans people, do not. This is this is just my experience as it goes.
Speaker 2:So no, and I'm the same way where it comes to anything. I'm not the voice of black people, I'm just the guy who's black in these streets. That's what it is. So me talking about my emotions is talking about the Donald Moore experience.
Speaker 2:I'm not talking about anybody else, and that's why I wanted to hear your perspective. I wanted to hear what you were going through. I wanted to hear the small things, the big things. I wanted to hear everything, because we don't see that we we don't see that, we don't hear that we don't have any moments in pop culture that are so big that everyone can relate to and say that's what I feel is important in the trans. No, it's not even being displayed huge, it's a big deal and everything you hear about it is negative. People are so negative and then people are fighting the negativity. That's what you see People being negative towards the community, people fighting for the community. There's never a moment of hey, let's just watch this rom-com that's hilarious about this community and they're all having a great time and life is normal and everyone has their flipping rights and they don't have to fight because they're human beings. Being human beings in the world, but you don't get that in any way. Being human beings in the world, but you don't get that in any way.
Speaker 2:I'm sure we're in this place now where, like I said, I see it so negatively and I see people being so negative about it and I'm like how is this going to flip? How is this going to be better? And the only way it's going to change is moments like this Just people talking. Make it normal for people Get to a place where somebody, everyone knows, someone who's going through it and can relate. And I feel like the younger generation is going to be like that. I feel like we are already seeing a generation of people who are going to push certain topics that we're struggling with now past the point of no return. They're going to put it to a place where it's like hey, stop treating these people like this. They're people, keep it moving and that's important. We need that. We need to see it more. We need to hear about the good things more. We need to believe that everything is going to be good.
Speaker 2:We can't feel hopeless like we've been feeling for so long. There's so much stuff I've been so hopeless about Politics, our culture in general, people in my life. You're just hopeless. You're like they're never going to change. None of this is going to change, but we are seeing change. We are, and you got to appreciate that, you got to notice it and you got to continue to add to it. So, once again, thank you. We're at the end of the episode. Last thing I have to ask is the same as always how do you feel?
Speaker 1:I mean, I feel great. I feel like, while it was a bit vague, I was able to tell my experience and I spoke my truth. And while people may hear that and be like what the fuck? What's going on, you feel that way. What you know, it's who gives a shit? It's mine, it's mine, you know my experience, mine alone. It's a journey, it's all it's ever been is a journey, and you cannot choose a path for somebody. You cannot make someone walk a path that they're not already on. You're never on the same path yeah, all right.
Speaker 2:Well, cheers to you cheers I want to thank you for listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. The opening quote. Credit goes to Shanna Katzcattery and shout out to Liana for being on the pod. You can follow Liana at L-E-A-N-A-D-E-L-A-L-U-N-E on Instagram. Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. Also, tell me your plans for the coming year. We should collab. Follow me at DOM underscore L-A-M-O-U-R on Instagram or at DomLamorecom. I'm Dom Lemore, much love.
