"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
Shannon O'Keefe on Embracing Change and Finding Joy
Dom L'Amour speaks with good friend Shannon O'Keefe AKA @Shannondances about life after her dance career, communication, knowing your limits, looking out for your own well being and so much more.
Have you ever taken a leap of faith and left behind something you loved? Join us for an inspiring conversation with Shannon O'Keefe, who transitioned from a life dedicated to dance to discovering fulfillment beyond the stage. Shannon talks about how dance served as her lifeline through a difficult childhood and the emotional challenges she faced as a performer on cruise ships. She shares her pivotal moments of realization, recognizing personal limits, and the surprising joy she found after walking away from a long-held dream.
We touch on the transient nature of friendships in the entertainment world, exploring Shannon's deep connections with colleagues, and the heartbreak of inevitable goodbyes. Hear about the physical demands and emotional toll of performance life, and how these experiences shaped her decision to prioritize well-being over a grueling career. Shannon's journey offers an authentic look at balancing professional aspirations with personal happiness, resilience, and growth.
Finally, Shannon's passion for children and the performing arts shines through, as she recounts her journey of healing from body image struggles and an eating disorder. Tune in to hear how influential mentors guided her path, and the freedom and happiness she now enjoys outside the industry. We'll also preview Dom L'Amour’s exciting new music project and reflect on the significance of supportive relationships and personal growth. Don't miss this heartfelt episode filled with gratitude, inspiration, and plans for a brighter future.
Opening quote: Doe Zantamata
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "Valentines Day" By Dom L'Amour
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @dom_lamour on Instagram. Or at
I never thought I would say that because as a child, as a young girl, dance for me was oh my gosh, it was therapy. It was therapeutic for me. I had some rough stuff going on when I was a kid and I didn't feel like I could talk about it. I didn't feel like I had any way to express what I was going through and dance gave that to me. Dance gave me my voice, kind of. So you know, if you were to ask 16-year-old Shannon like hey, do you see yourself not dancing someday and still being happy, I'd be like oh hell, no.
Speaker 2:No, this is my life.
Speaker 1:This is everything to me. But, now that I've been through it and I've seen the entertainment industry as a whole, my heart is so much fuller now that I'm out.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here. My name is Dom L'Amour and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. On today's episode, I speak with my girl, shannon O'Keefe, about life after her dance, career, communication, knowing your limits, looking out for your own well-being, and so much more well-being and so much more. Every decision brings with it some good, some bad, some lessons and some luck. The only thing that's for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they just had the courage to leap. You're one of the people from college that I have always followed since college. Online, where you're at what you're doing, randomly see you at the airport.
Speaker 1:It's like hey, how you doing, doing randomly, see you at the airport.
Speaker 2:It's like, hey, how you doing? I always keep up with you. And in this society, I feel like we get to a place where we feel like we know exactly how people are doing. We feel like we know exactly where people's lives are because we follow them so closely on social media. But then, you know, you talk to them and they're like, oh man, this and that and I struggle with this and this costs so much money.
Speaker 2:And when I did it and it was fun, but it was like I shouldn't have done that, and then the next thing, you know, you're like, oh, this story that I've been following, it is what's going on in their day to day, it is their life, it is what is making them happy. But then also I'm missing those in-between moments. I'm missing them binge watching House of Cards, season one, two, three. I'm missing them with their dog. I'm missing them with their family, their struggles with their family. I'm missing all of the other stuff. And so that's why I'm so excited to have you on the pod, because it's like I'm going to fill in those gaps.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Because I do. I follow everything you do. That's so sweet. I've always admired you when we were being shows. You know, emily Brand is my girl.
Speaker 1:Me too.
Speaker 2:So every dance concert I always would say Emily just stuck out, but you also were one of those people. You Lashay, emily. I remember all the dances. I would go to the dance concerts and I would always find myself at least focused on one of you three at some point throughout the night. So when I saw that you know you moved to Vegas or you started doing the cruises, or you started you just kept professionally dancing it didn't surprise me, because I always felt like you were the one that was the focus for me. I was like look how great she is, look at her expression, look at how she looks so strong. The poses were never flimsy.
Speaker 1:Wow, hyping me up right now.
Speaker 2:No, no, it's not about hype, it's being honest. Like I said, I always tell people with the pod. I have to be honest, I don't want to do this and have any agendas or anything. I want to truly just be able to talk to people and learn and hear and see if people are growing, see if people are stuck, what's going on. But that's the mental of me eventually reaching out to you, like, hey, I really do want to talk to you, I do want to catch up because of how much I admire you, how much I followed you, how much I've kept up with you, how much I always knew that you were incredible. So for me, the question starts how are you doing now? Because you're not dancing anymore.
Speaker 1:Nope, nope, I'm doing good, I'm doing really good. Life has been a bit of a roller coaster ups and downs. I did my whole ship career and it got to a point where I didn't love it anymore. I wasn't passionate about it the way that I was at the start and I never wanted to lose sight of that because me starting out as a cruise ship performer, I was so grateful for that job and when I got the call, I just I was.
Speaker 1:I remember I was in my basement at my mom's house and I immediately got off the phone and just started screaming and crying. And who do I call? I finally got the gig.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I know that there are still kids out there right now who feel that same way that if they got that call right now, they would react that way. And I got to the point where I didn't feel that way about my next contract. It was like, all right, where am I going next? And so I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave that environment before I became jaded to it all and became one of those older cruise ship performers who were just all right, I'm here for another gig and I hated seeing that. I hated it. So I wanted to move on before I got to that point. So then I decided, you know, I got to move to Vegas. That's always been at the front of my brain, is something that I wanted to pursue. And I said I'll move out there, I'll give it a year and see how I feel after that.
Speaker 1:I gave it a year and, when I tell you, I was so exhausted, I was so burnt out. I lived a really cool life for a year go-go, dancing and doing all these side hustles and meeting people at auditions. And I did an audition for Dita Von Teese and she was in the room, which I did not think Someone like that. You don't think they're going to be in the room Like they have people choreographing for them, they have people casting for them. But she was in the room every day, the whole time, and I made it to the end of the audition and I didn't get the job. Obviously, I'm here. If I would have gotten the Dita job, I might still be in Vegas, but I'm so grateful for that experience and being in a room with Dita Von Teese, and her and I made eye contact at one point.
Speaker 1:And it was like the highlight of my month or couple of months there. I was like you know what that made it worth it. She looked at me, she saw me, she noticed me. I am good enough to be noticed by her and that's all I need. And so, anyway, all that being said, I was just exhausted with the grind of the entertainment industry as a whole.
Speaker 1:Towards the end of my career, let's say, because I consider myself retired now I was having severe panic attacks every time I had to go drive down to the strip, because the older you get, the more you realize that it's not just performing. You don't get just that. There's all of these other little things that factor in. And I've got my commute to my job and I've got all the people on the strip trying to harass me, and it became this weight on my shoulders and again, I was so excited to get that job and then I found myself not being grateful for it anymore. So I wanted to walk away before I became one of those people that was there but didn't want to be there. I'm very much a proponent for if you don't like your job, quit. You can do that at any point in time. So that's what I did and I decided to come back home and kind of regroup and see where life would take me next.
Speaker 2:As performers we're in some cases. You know there's some performers who very much are still I need this job and I can't leave this job kind of feeling. But in many ways we get to a place where we're like what's the next move? Because that's how we're trained. You're always looking for the next job. So you know I've quit so many jobs because I'm going home for Christmas.
Speaker 2:It's like I'm not going to stay here, I'm going to leave and I'll get another job, because that's what I do. I have to do that. That's how I've been told to survive. That's why bartending was the job ideal for me, because it was like I can always get another one, so I can go, do what I want to do, I can audition, I can go new places, I can find a job in any city. Yeah, the flexibility was there. I want to go back. Okay, because these two things I know are very different. I remember the first cruise I did was a carnival cruise. It's so different. I've been on three cruises now. The first cruise, carnival cruise. Every day I did karaoke.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I was on stage and by the last day of the first cruise, my, my mother, my family, my we had like 35 people in that first cruise. All of them were in the theater and we had this whole group of people coming because they wanted to see me sing. The girl who ran the karaoke night and the open mics kept fighting for me to just audition. She was like you could really do well here. But once again, my family, I was like I'm not going to be here on Christmas.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I'm not going to be here on Christmas. I'll skip Thanksgiving because I've been forced to skip Thanksgiving since college. I've done that before. I'll skip Easter. I'll skip everything, but I'm not going to skip Christmas and that was the big thing they wanted me on, like these big six months, eight months, whatever.
Speaker 1:Yep Six to nine months at least.
Speaker 2:And I'm just like, if it's February to whatever, yes, I'll do that, but it can't be September through December. I can't do that. And I know that some people are like I mean, if the money's right, just do it, dominique. People are like I mean, if the money's right, just do it, dominique. And it's like if Stephen Colbert called me tomorrow and said we need you to play Christmas Eve, I would be there Because I know my folks would understand. They would understand that playing the late night show would be a dream come true.
Speaker 2:And to be able to sit across from Stephen Colbert and have a bag of sweet and spicy Doritos and talk about how he inspired me to eat those chips because I watched him in college when he was on the Colbert Report Like that's a whole different thing. But if I'm here and I'm angry the whole time because I want to be with my family and I don't want, I'm not going to do it. So I understand how difficult that process is. So I want to go back to the cruise lifestyle and then we'll go to Vegas, because you kind of touched on things I'm already planning on asking you about with Vegas and I understand Me personally, I've been to Vegas multiple times.
Speaker 2:I do not like Vegas, that city for you. But with the cruises, like if you can give me a top three list of the things that kind of were your strikes like strike number one, start three and then okay, I'm really over this. Like what really drove you to that? Was it the missing the family? Was it the long contracts? Was it the constant hustle, cause they'd work like 17 hours a day on those boats? Like, what tell us about the experience and what truly just stripped your passion away from dance?
Speaker 1:So the strikes for me some big ones pop up in my head and surprisingly, it's not the holidays. I have a very small family. When I was a kid my family was much larger. Because of somebody marries someone else, You've got a whole step family. Somebody gets divorced. Now my family is half the size that it was and people start dying the older you get and it's like no one's really planning those things anymore. So Christmas was usually stressful for me at home, so being on a ship was actually good for me. The strikes were definitely by the time I was 29 and sleeping in a bunk bed.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That was like not what I thought would really get me in the end, but I was like, man, I'm 29 and I am sleeping in a bunk bed and I'm a tall lady. I am a tall woman sleeping in this bunk bed. I would hit my elbow on the bed above me. I'd be kicking the wall and it's never guaranteed that you're going to get a full size bed. Any contractor you could get a twin bed.
Speaker 1:You got to fight for those full beds and it goes on seniority Whoever has been working on ships the longest they get to choose whatever room they want. So by the end I was up there a little bit, so I got to choose. I had a full bed. But even getting a full bed, it's not a queen bed. It's a bit smaller than a queen and also sharing those beds with another human is wow. That really got to me. So that was one. The second strike for me was on every contract. I made so many connections. I was so close with these people because you're living and working with these people for six to nine months out of the year and you get super close. In rehearsals you're sharing a room with somebody, and then the dancers if you're a dancer, you're sharing a room, the whole contract. Singers don't share a cabin, but dancers do, and so you're really close to these people. You go to the bar together, you party together, you work together, you cry together you sleep together, that's entertainment.
Speaker 1:But that being said, I was so tired of making new friends that were so important to me and then having to say goodbye and never knowing when I would see them again. It really started to hurt my heart. It started to really drag me down. My last contract the second half I had a dance partner. His name was Liam. I think it was his first contract I had a dance partner. His name was Liam. I think it was his first contract. He was much younger than me, so fresh, so excited to be there, and him and I just connected and became really good friends and really close.
Speaker 1:I left that contract early because I was a swing. I just agreed to fill in until they found somebody else. So they found somebody else, I agreed to stay for, you know, a month handover and train her, teach her the dances, teach her all the important things, and then I'm out. So I leave early in the morning of sign off. I come out of my room and Liam and Lou are outside of my cabin waiting for me. Lou was my female singer. They're sat there waiting for me, tears in their eyes already, and I'm like man, I can't do this, I can't do this again. And Liam goes to hug me and he just starts crying on my shoulder and I am just, I can feel my heart being ripped from my chest. You know what I mean. And we had had two goodbyes. We said goodbye in the hallway and then you have to go wait in the theater until everyone's allowed to debark, yeah. And so then they're like oh well, we'll come sit with you in the theater for a little bit longer. So then we have another goodbye where we're crying and that, yeah, that really solidified it for me, as I can't do this anymore and I'm lucky to know those people. I'm lucky to have known those people and have that love in my life and to also have those connections, to be able to travel abroad and have an excuse to go and see them. But it gets harder to make those visits and go see those people if they live 5,000 miles away. So that was a big one. I'm trying to think what strike three would have been. Probably just my body slowly giving out on me, my body starting to betray me. Like you mentioned, very long work hours on ships, and it's not as bad for entertainment. We don't work those crazy hours, but we do do crazy things to our bodies. Looking back on it now, I'm not surprised my body was hurting.
Speaker 1:My whole day was built around the idea of I have to be warm and 100% ready for this show tonight, whether that be vocally, physically, mentally, all the above.
Speaker 1:So my day was so meticulous and that did give me the skill to better plan my day in real life, in land life. But I would literally have such a set routine wake up in the morning, meditate, do an hour of yoga, meditate some more, go get a meal and then from there, if I have time to lay in the sun or maybe I've got another duty I have to go to. That's usually like my midday thing and then after that go do another workout, strength training, walk or run a mile at least get my joints moving, and then go by that time I'm going for dinner, do my hair, my makeup and then do another workout before soundcheck so that my body's warm, my vocals are warm, in between there doing a vocal warmup as well, usually a little bit before soundcheck and then a lot of bit after sound check, finishing my hair and makeup, because that would take a long time, doing two 45-minute shows and then doing maybe another workout, maybe just a long extended cool down.
Speaker 2:Non-stop.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and that was my day, my whole day. I would do three or four workouts, two vocal warm warmups, and then I'm looking back and wondering. Well, not wondering anymore. It's no surprise that I couldn't get out of bed in the morning.
Speaker 1:I had a day where I went to get out of bed and I put weight on my right leg and my leg just gave out. My hip just couldn't take the weight of my body that early in the morning and I just was so tired. I said I don't want to beat my body up anymore. My body is soft now and I love her. I love that for her. I don't have a six pack anymore and that's fine. She's soft and we're letting her be soft and we're living a softer life now.
Speaker 2:That's dope. I'm not mad at that.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm not mad at that at all.
Speaker 2:So Shannon falls in a couple of different groups for me, of course, when we were at school she was one of the dance majors, and I know that's kind of an interesting way of looking at it. But when you're in the theater department, we were theater majors, there was the dance majors. There in the theater department, we were theater majors, there was the dance majors, there was music major and there was the art major. So you had your group. Like I said, the dance department was always closer to the theater department. We did most of our stuff together, and the other group would be my Chicago family. So when I lived in Chicago, shannon was also really tight with that. So we've had multiple people on this pod that are in that same group Alex Clear, lachey, joe Grohler, like all of these people who I lived through some of the hardest times, some of the best times with and in Chicago.
Speaker 2:I can't emphasize enough just how close that group was. It was so inspirational. I wanted to have something like that and I was a part of it, yes, but then also I felt like kind of an outsider a little bit. I wasn't as close because a lot of them went to high school together and I just met them in college and I was a cool hang, but Shannon was always one of those people I could look to and within that group you just saw how much she cared about her friends and how much she looked out for her friends.
Speaker 2:So I always kept up with her and made sure I supported her, and getting to talk to her on this was just a delight. She was so sweet and it was so cool to hear her side of things that I've been following for so long. So I hope you really get to enjoy getting to meet her and listen to the great things that she has to say, because she's a really interesting person. So shout out to Shannon for being on the pod today. You know so many people that I talk to who have gotten out of performance and this and that it's either one way or the other. There's no middle where they're like kind of working on it. Still, I don't really. I feel like it's always either I'm completely good or I'm struggling not doing this anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:To hear that. I mean. Like I said, I remember Michelle, our old teacher, used to talk about her days on the boats. And once again, it was the same thing for her, where she just got to a place where she was just like I'm good, it becomes a grind. Yeah, and it's exactly that. When it came to the theater department even though we were theater majors, we were very well connected with the dance department too, because Hillary ran R&P.
Speaker 2:Yes well connected with the dance department too, because Hillary ran R&P. And I always tell people the first thing I remember still from starting school at SEMO was Hillary got in front of all of us. First things that came out of mouth was ladies and gentlemen, one day you will be poor.
Speaker 1:And she was right, and she was so serious.
Speaker 2:She was like if you don't like what I just said, right now is your chance to leave.
Speaker 1:Yep, there's the door and I'm like darn.
Speaker 2:I'm looking around like is anyone else going to go? Because that's horrifying. I was a minor at that point, so I wasn't even a theater major yet. I was a music major at first.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I started off as a music major and then Judith bullied me into become a musical theater major. She really was like you're just doing that because you're afraid you're going to not actually achieve it. So you want to have a fallback and I was like, yeah, yeah, I want to have a fallback.
Speaker 2:She's like you should go forward. And I was like, damn, she's right, she's right. And I didn't want to teach at all, I was just doing it because I felt like it was the safest bet. I loved to tutor kids in sixth grade and eighth grade. I tutored kids in elementary schools. I helped run the theater department in my summer camp back in Kirkwood Sprog. So me and my friend Scotty, we would always help with those.
Speaker 2:The sixth grade camp. I always was a counselor. Like I always worked with kids well. Like I always worked with kids, well, I enjoyed working with kids. My three godbabies I love them so much. I have four now. Nova was just born this year so I love working with children. I love working with kids. But if I ever were to teach, if I were ever to be in front of the class, it would be hard for me to teach kids because I would want people who are passionate about their craft so much that I wouldn't have to fight them to do it, you know. So that would have been more of. I need to get a master's and a doctorate to teach college students.
Speaker 2:But, after our experience at CMO, you still get kids that come in and it's just like we are just here to get a degree and it's like why? Why would you do this specific thing if you weren't passionate about it?
Speaker 1:So it doesn't make sense, but I get what?
Speaker 2:you're saying with that, it just immediately like I think about all of the stuff that I've done and the places I've been and the people I've interacted with and that just it would beat up a strong person like you always kick someone who isn't supposed to be there out. So I go through that long thing just to talk about multiple things, like before we go to Vegas. You brought up this idea. If you were to get that job, you would have stuck around my moment like that. I was working at this restaurant called Mexicali in Studio City, california. I had so many celebrities come in there all the time to the point that I kind of got numb to celebrities. I was like Dr Dre, here's your chicken enchiladas. Like that's where you know. That's how it got to me.
Speaker 2:But I remember this one lady came in and this was the second person that I had this moment happen with in LA, where the first was Tisha Kamau. I went to her bar to sing at the open mic and my friend Bo introduced me because he was just like Dominique, you loved Martin growing up and I was like, yeah, gina was like my crush. She was like Gina owns this bar. I was like no way, oh, my God, incredible. And she was just like you're a great singer and I was just like. This celebrity that I've had a crush on all my life told me I'm good and I was like, I guess I'm good.
Speaker 2:And the next moment I was working in the restaurant. Tamala Jones, which I mean, unless you've watched a lot of African-American movies growing up, you wouldn't even know who that is. But she was in this movie called the Wood, which was my childhood, where I'm like. That's me, that's my visual on the screen.
Speaker 1:I think I've heard you talk about that on the pod before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah that movie was everything to me and I remember seeing her and I told one of my workers I did this only twice at this job. I was like, listen, I don't care what section she's in, I'm taking that table. Yeah, I did that with her and Arsenio Hall. I was like those two people I got to so I talked to her all day. She asked me what I did. I sing and I act and I do this and I ended up singing a song for them. I always sing songs for these people randomly and I remember by the end of the shift she caught me alone and just she started flirting with me and I was like, oh, she took me a hundred dollars and she was just like keep doing this, keep doing this.
Speaker 2:You're really good, you're going to make it. And I remember walking away from that being like I just, I mean, if I didn't do it ever again, someone told me I could, and that was everything.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And I feel like us performers in any grain when we go through all these experiences. We can help people who are looking up to us so much more than a teacher, are looking up to us so much more than a teacher, Like I've always dreamed of. Like putting together like a hotline for, like theater performers, music majors, artists, musicians, anyone that they can call and speak to people that do it and not in a sense of like you know, we're going to call in John Legendaires as he's this big celebrity. It's like no, like people like you, like people like me, like we didn. We didn't make it, make it, but we made it. In a sense. We were professionally I'm still I'm professionally gigging every week if you're making money, yes, and this is what the grind looks like on one side of the totem pole, like it's not always this huge celebrity.
Speaker 2:You're not sabrina carpenter, right, you could be. You know this, where it's not always this huge celebrity.
Speaker 2:You're not Sabrina Carpenter Right, you could be. You know this where it's not. This isn't a bad life, but it's, it's a grind. And talking to people and going through these experiences I feel like it helps me get through these moments, cause I I can't tell you how many times I'll sit down and be like, damn, am I even good? Yeah, and then I'll go do an open mic and people like will walk up to me and be like you are so good.
Speaker 1:I was like okay.
Speaker 2:I don't know how you'd live this way, but with Vegas I want to move there, because that whole city is kind of like LA, la. Everybody that's there is there for a reason. Everyone's there for a reason Other than the normals and the residents. And even then, where you were at, I'm sure you didn't see a lot of locals. They don't go to the Strip if they're local to Vegas that often. They might go see a show, maybe, but they avoid that. They might go downtown. They might not even go downtown.
Speaker 2:I feel like the intimidation, the, oh my God, the amount of people who had to harass you must be like a crazy number yeah like constantly in this situation where you're in the city, where things are legal there that aren't legal anywhere else in the world, and so people are treating beautiful women certain ways, because, I mean, we're in vegas. This is the only place in the country that has a phrase that says what happened here, stays here. So do stupid stuff because it, you know, doesn't matter, you're in Vegas.
Speaker 1:They actually changed their tagline.
Speaker 2:Oh, what's the tagline I?
Speaker 1:don't know if it was why they changed it, if there were issues or something, but the tagline is now what happens here only happens here. I know, I know and I'm like, yes, yeah, absolutely. But it's interesting that they've changed it now.
Speaker 2:I despise Vegas so much. The last time I was in Vegas it was 118 degrees.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, my shoes were sticking to the sidewalk.
Speaker 1:Yep, that was one of my breaking points. Last summer I was there and it got up to, yeah, like one. It was over 110. And that was when I was like you know what? My brain is fried it's so hot outside. I can't even think I did have some good experiences, though, because of that. It forced me to get out of my house and get into nature, because from Vegas, if you drive literally just an hour north, it's 30 degrees cooler. So, with the dry heat going from 110 to 80, 90 was a big relief. So that was a lovely day for me, but that was also a moment where I was like maybe I can't do this, maybe the desert is not for me.
Speaker 2:Instead of doing three strikes Cause I got. I felt like that was a great way to get multiple things out of that with Vegas. Like you said, you were just there for. I thought you were there longer than a year.
Speaker 1:You were there for a year, just a year. It was almost exactly a year.
Speaker 2:Do you think giving yourself the timeline is partially why that kind of really hit a little bit more of like, oh I'm done after a year.
Speaker 1:I think so. I think it helped and I think it gave me an excuse as well. It kind of gave me an out, because I set that timeline for myself, like if you do it for a year, that's enough for me. Like me speaking to me, I guess that's enough. We did the thing, we did what we wanted to do and if you're not happy, move on. And I wanted to give myself that because I didn't want to get stuck in another situation where I would likely become jaded and super mentally unhealthy. I don't want that for myself, I don't want that for anybody. That's why I highly suggest people like I said if you don't like your job, leave it. No one's making you stay.
Speaker 2:This is why I said you were so strong earlier, because a great example of LA. If you ask someone how long does it take to get your ground in LA, how long does it take to truly get established here?
Speaker 1:Oh man.
Speaker 2:Everyone has a different number. I'm sure the number I would hear all the time 10 years, oh my goodness has a different number. I'm sure the number I would hear all the time 10 years, oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:And then I would hear five years, okay, because one girl was like oh, two years. I can go through my Rolodex and think of everyone just giving me a different amount of time, a different amount of time. And then I would say 10 years is what I first heard. And everybody would be like, yeah, 10 years sound about right.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:They kept on bringing up this thing. The people who make it here usually the ones who stay. The people who make it here, they're usually the ones that just power through the hardships, the people who yeah go through the fact that you know you're poor, you're jaded, maybe you yeah don't enjoy it, you don't like the people, you don't have any friends.
Speaker 1:Just stay but you just keep going and it's gonna get you there and this dream this, this huge thing that's been created through society.
Speaker 2:Everywhere I've gone, people have told me you need to go somewhere like new york or la yep new york or la new york la, and then you get to la and everyone's fucking miserable yeah pandemic hits and everyone leaves because they didn't want to.
Speaker 1:They didn't like, didn't like it anyway yeah.
Speaker 2:It just it blows my mind. So to hear that you just like I'm going to do a year and if it doesn't work I'm out, that's so dope, because a lot of people wouldn't do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:A lot of people would sit down and using me as an example. I know how mean I am to myself. I know how easily it is for me to say you know what, dominique? You just suck I get that, you know people aren't liking this stuff because it's not good. People aren't listening to the album or people aren't sharing the post. People aren't doing this. People haven't called you back because you're not good, you're not great, you're not here.
Speaker 1:They're not. You know like, I just do that to myself constantly.
Speaker 2:I get it. I do it too. Do that to myself constantly, constantly. I get it. I do it so to to have that willpower to be like no, forget all of that. What's me, what do I really want? Not this bad voice that's just talking shit. You're literally saying the things other people are saying to me. Back to myself what do I want? I want to be happy. I think I'll be happy if I just do this a year and then regrow and to do it and then be like I'm retired dude, I'm good. I'm good, I can talk about this, I can feel okay with this. I can be home with family, I can be home with friends. I can literally live my life and know you know what I want. I did what I was supposed to do. I'm okay with that. Next part of life starts.
Speaker 1:That's just incredible.
Speaker 2:I just feel like it's something you don't hear. A lot of people truly sit with and understand mentally that they did it and I know I struggled with that. Moved to Chicago because I feel like I had to get out of St Louis and Cape Girardeau. I had to get out of Cape Girardeau.
Speaker 2:Well, that's for sure, and I remember the first old cat that I jammed with. He called me, his name was Vincent Davis drummer. He had me come to his place after he saw me at an open mic and usually the older cats are the ones who embrace me the most, these old black dudes, old black ladies. They always pull me in like oh, young blood hang out with me. So I'm this 22 year old, at this 70 year old dude's house and they're jamming and I get in the house and he immediately it's like where's your instrument? I was like, and he just like here sing whatever, and I sang.
Speaker 2:And then at the end of it he was like what is your goal? I was like I your goal. I was like I want to be working, I want to be a working performer, I want to work in the scene here. I want to actually build a network so that I can can actually get a manager and actually tour and perform my music. He was like why are you here? I was like because Chicago was like famous for jazz, like this is. He's like you need to leave here, you need to go to LA, you need to go to New York, you need to go to New York. And I'm like I just moved here.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I'm already being told to leave here, which is the exact thing that happened in St Louis. Leave, yeah. And the place that I worked the most was home. I worked the most in St Louis, right, but I was told to leave because the work here doesn't matter, but it did. It got me to where I was, it pushed me, and so I'm constantly feedback and pushback from others that forced me to push myself back where I'm, just like I can't do this stuff and feel like I've accomplished anything if I don't continue to move forward. So I had to go to LA because in my head I knew if I didn't go, I would always think about what would happen if I've gone. So I had to do it. Then I did it and I remember I came home and my best friend Chris he's like Dominique, I know you're not going to lie to me what's LA like? Come on for real, like. What's LA like? And I was like I mean people suck dude, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, it was like it's hard to know if people are there for you, or if they're there because they're trying to get seen.
Speaker 2:Okay. Yes, I experienced that in Vegas as well. That's why I said, that's why I felt like Vegas and LA was so similar yes because everyone goes there for a reason yeah and it's constantly weighing on me this and that.
Speaker 2:so once again, I just I applaud you, because that's such a strong thing to be able to do, where I'm just now getting to a place where I'm comfortable, that I'm somewhere where I'm like I could settle here. I'm in my house. I love living here and I love what I do here. I love the people I meet here. That was very hard for me to get to a place like that, because it didn't matter that I loved people in St Louis.
Speaker 2:I had to go do other things, so that I could say I did them. I had to. With Vegas, you experienced the same things that I experienced in LA. You got to that point where you just was like all right, I'm good. What else do you feel was good and in bad? I want to know both sides. I'm not going to just keep pestering you about what sucked.
Speaker 1:No, what also? What was dope?
Speaker 2:about it. What moments do you have that you sit down and you're like that was an incredible moment in my life other than the audition, and then the pure thing that is a Vegas.
Speaker 1:what got you to a point where you're just like no in Vegas because so much is constantly going on there, which, at the end of the day, is what made me want to leave because I was so overly stipulated all the time. But, that being said, it did provide a lot of really cool experiences for me. And something that's a really big deal for dancers out in Vegas is New Year's. There are so many gigs. If you're a performer in Vegas and you don't get a gig on New Year's, you should really question your life choices, because everybody needs somebody to perform for them. So I very quickly that's my one of my first gigs is we need New Year's people. I'm there, I'm new, let's go. I've not got a job, and so I get in with this company, entertainment Plus, who I actually met in St Louis. The entertainment world is so much smaller than we think it is and there was a girl from St Louis who lived in Vegas for years and she and I worked on a gig together in St Louis during the pandemic for Carnival and she knew these entertainment plus people who were coming for a convention in St Louis and they were actually based in Vegas. And it was this whole like connection for me that felt like, yeah, I'm moving in the right direction because I had at least that connection that once I get out to Vegas I can hit them up. And I did.
Speaker 1:And I got a New Year's gig and it was performing just go-go dancing at Resorts World, one of the newer casinos, and it was for basically this interim kind of atrium area entering into a pit bull concert. So absolutely insane. I'm just go-go dancing at the pre-party before the concert there's a DJ and people are coming in getting their goodies, their glow sticks, their glasses, have a snack, have a drink, and so I'm stood on a pedestal just go-go dancing and wearing these really cool, gorgeous costumes and I get paid insane amounts of money. And I'm dancing 30 minutes on. I get a 30 minute break, 30 minutes on, 30 minutes break. And then I think I did one more 30 minute set and then I was done. And once we were done they said you know, if I were, you stay for the concert, see if anybody says anything, just go in there, see what happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so I bring a cute outfit with me, I'm ready to go. And there's one other girl there with me who wants to stay, and so we say you know what?
Speaker 1:Let's do it, let's try and get in there see what happens. So we leave our stuff in the green room, we change and we just go out there. Nobody stops us. I get this New Year's Eve. That's absolutely insane. I'm right up it's such a small venue that they set up for him that I'm right up at the front of the stage watching Pitbull perform and the highlight was seeing his dancers. Really, because we know Pitbull is, he's more of a feature.
Speaker 2:We all know this. He has his suit on, he has his glasses on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was doing all his featured songs, but his dancers were next level and I was like this is why I'm here. I get to experience this, I get to see these dancers Maybe that can be me someday and I'm making connections and I'm meeting people and I have this wonderful night out, and so that was something that was really cool for me and that was at the beginning of my journey in Vegas, so it kind of solidified for me that I was in the right place. By the end of it. I was very overstimulated by all of that Because at the end of the day, there's always somebody in town Adele, bruno Mars, lady Gaga If you're not going out, you're wasting your time, you know. So everyone I know is hitting up the strip every other night trying to see who's performing where and who you can catch and what show you can go to. And I'm making good money, but I'm also spending good money, yeah.
Speaker 2:My little cousin wanted to have her big 21st birthday in Vegas and of course everyone's like what do you? What do you do when you go to Vegas? I'm like, listen, you gotta have a plan a plan. You can't just go there and think we're going to walk the strip and that's how we're going to do it. We're going to walk the strip, maybe go to this one buffet and we're going to look at the. No, you got to know I'm going to see the Beatles love show.
Speaker 1:Oh, favorite show, by the way.
Speaker 2:It's great right.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:We're going to see this show. We're going to go see David Copperfield. We're going to go. We've got to have, we're going to do all of these things. We're going to go to this store. This day we're going to go downtown. You've got to have a whole plan, because if you just go there and hope that things happen, that's not how it works. The city works on money.
Speaker 2:You've got to pay for everything and I just truly, I despise that. So that's such an incredible way of looking at the town Because, like I said, if you talk to me, I'll give you something so negative, but then you also, you get this experience from you where it's very much.
Speaker 2:it's this hopeful place, it's this place where you can see your dreams coming true and I mean I feel like there's a lot of America. If the right things are in the right places, you can always be like yo I can make something happen. That's the American dream.
Speaker 1:Literally.
Speaker 2:Come from nothing and you can become something because of this bullshit. So I rock with that. That's super dope. You're retired On the scale from one to ten or this. I always bring this book up uh and uh. Five love languages filling your love tank. How do you feel your love tank is full now, since dance isn't a part of it?
Speaker 1:um, I honestly feel like it's fuller.
Speaker 2:Good yeah.
Speaker 1:I never thought I would say that because as a child, as a young girl, dance for me was oh my gosh, it was therapy. It was therapeutic for me. I had some rough stuff going on when I was a kid and I didn't feel like I could talk about it. I didn't feel like I had talk about it. I didn't feel like I had any way to express what I was going through, and dance gave that to me. Dance gave me my voice, kind of. So, uh, you know, if you were to ask 16 year old Shannon like hey, do you see yourself not dancing someday and still being happy, I'd be like oh hell, no.
Speaker 2:No, this is my life.
Speaker 1:This is everything to me. But now that I've been through it and I've seen the entertainment industry as a whole, my heart is so much fuller now that I'm out. A lot of performers go through so much turmoil in the industry because you're constantly told you're not enough, you're not thin enough, you're not well constantly told you're not enough, you're not thin enough, you're not well now, you're not heavy enough. Well, now you're not buff enough. Well, now, you're too buff. Now your hair has to look like this. It can always be better.
Speaker 1:You can always be a better version of yourself. I went through so much. I had an eating disorder at one point which, looking at me, everyone would probably be like, oh my God, shannon, why? Because I've always been the skinny friend, I'm thin. And then one contract I worked. I was tired, I took five months off. I said I don't care, I'm making good money, I can afford to take five months off. I went to Italy with my partner at the time and I gained a lot of happy weight. You know when you're really happy with your partner and y'all are just eating meals together, dating all the time.
Speaker 1:You're just getting fat and happy and I gained like 30 or 40 pounds for the first time in my life. I was like whoa, who is she? I can't fit in these jeans. I was like whoa, who is she? I can't fit in these jeans. And you know, the little me, who used to get like chastised for being too small, was like kind of happy.
Speaker 1:So, like I'm actually able to put weight on. But then I go back on contract and all the other girls are skinnier than me for the first time in my life. The other girls are more ripped than me for the first time in my life and I get so insecure and no one was pressuring me to lose weight besides me and the fact that we had weigh-ins every week. There is that, yeah they have since discontinued that.
Speaker 1:They have stopped doing that, but during, yeah, the first five years of my secure career, we did weekly weigh-ins every day. On home port day, when the ship is its most stable, you weigh in and it's mainly just so you can make sure you're still fitting your costumes. That's the big thing is, we don't. We can't be having people just readjust their costumes every week because you're gaining weight, losing weight. Either way, it ruins the costumes. So it's kind of to keep track of that and I would say the bigger issue is keeping track of people not losing too much weight too much weight. But, yeah, I ended up developing an eating disorder, which I now still struggle with because I have this idea in my head that I have to look a certain way. So earlier, when I mentioned that I'm soft now and we, we love her, I'm trying to love my soft body because I have this, this very normal body that is very beautiful and I love her. So we're being soft and we're eating and we're being healthy, Circling back.
Speaker 1:finally. My heart is fuller now because I'm able to love me for me without thinking of the consequences. Am I going to fit in that costume? Am I going to be too small for that costume? Are my tits big enough? Is my hair long enough? Am I pretty enough? I don't have to think about that anymore. That's a big change and it's still an adjustment, but it's a really cool feeling not to think about those things.
Speaker 2:Here we go now. Every night, before we sleep, I pull you next to me and I tell you how much I love you. Babe. We smile and spoon away. This is every day. I hope this will remain the same. Flowers every week. I kiss you on your cheek and you beam. Oh, how I love it, babe. I wouldn't have it any other way. This is every day. I hope this will remain the same.
Speaker 2:This show right here is my show I did in Chicago for Valentine's Day this year and I actually just released this song, this recording of this song, on a new project called here to Entertain, volume 2. It's my live EP, it's you know. I wanted to put out a little something new and this is going to be on my new album, dami, which is going to come out in 2025. This song is Valentine's Day album Dami, which is going to come out in 2025. This song is Valentine's Day. This is the preview of an original tune that I wrote that I'm going to be putting on the next project and I'm really excited about it. I really love the song and I just hope y'all get a chance to support and check it out. You can go on any stream platform and hear this tune and any of my other music, and you could check me out for more information at domlamorecom, where you can get anything and everything, domlamore, of course. I did a full podcast about this ep as well. It was the last podcast here to entertain volume two. Check that out and be on the lookout for domi, the next album. I can't wait to share it with y'all. So, so much love. Our love is the best way. This is every day. Who needs Valentine's Day Cheers to y'all now. Let's hear it now.
Speaker 2:I was getting to a place where I am now. I'm happily married. I'm getting this opportunity to try to be the best me and work on being the best me, which helps me be the best husband I could be. But if you would ask me, years ago, I really struggled with fully giving someone me in a relationship, because the goal was always to perform. The goal was always to make money doing what I love. My goal was not to be afraid to take an opportunity. So if I were in a situation where someone hit me up was like, listen, I got an opportunity where you can sing for months or weeks on end and you'll get a consistent paycheck. Sign this contract. You don't have to worry about missing Christmas. You don't have to miss your birthday.
Speaker 2:You don't have to miss anything. You get this opportunity and you're playing opening for someone like Gregory Porter in Germany. We need to know if you can do this by the end of today. I did not want to put myself in a position where I have to ask anyone anything. I'm going to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I want to do it for me. This is my life and this is something that's important to me. When I moved to Chicago that's another example I was dating my college girlfriend, nicole. I didn't even ask her, I didn't even tell her, I didn't even think about asking her.
Speaker 1:I told her oh, I'm moving to Chicago, this is what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and looking back on that, if I did that now I would be ashamed of myself. I would not be able to comprehend that I would do that to someone. Well, back then it wasn't about that. I was trying to achieve a goal. I was trying to do my best effort to put myself in position so that I can say you know what I did, that I at least did that and I tried. I'm to a point now where I'm still doing those things, but I understand that I don't have to be ruthless, I don't have to be cutthroat. I remember I say this almost every week. I feel like Judith told me once Dominique, when you're not so damn nice, you're going to be successful. And just like when I was telling you before the pod, my uncle telling me your hair is going to fall out because it's so thin. That stuck with me. I truly think my hair is going to fall out. It's looking real thick right now. I should be proud of my fro, right now.
Speaker 2:I'm nervous, though. I'm like I don't know. And Judith in my ear, she was such an influence on me, in good and bad ways, I feel like every position that I've done thinking about Judith in that scenario where she tells me you're just so nice, it comes back where I'm like if I would have been a little more stern when I talked to this dude about this contract, would I have gotten what I wanted? Would not listening to these people who are trying to give me advice, or not listening to the haters? Would me being just cutthroat like, screw you, I'm going to do this? Would that be the reason why I'm successful? Is she right? Is she wrong? I don't know. So it's consistently something that holds me back. So the whole moral of why I'm asking this, it comes back to you travel. You got to see the world, you went to Vegas. You were able to truly dance and experience life doing what you wanted to do.
Speaker 2:Do you feel like relationships were harder for you then than they are now? Do you feel like you held yourself back from relationships during that time period where, if I actually, instead of just thinking about myself all the fucking time, if I actually put someone before me and actually push. I might've been pushed into my career a little easier, maybe because they would have been willing to support me more, they would have looked out for me, but I feel like I pushed certain people away. I didn't take some relationships seriously enough. I didn't care to even ask my partner questions because I felt like it was unnecessary to ask them. They're not the ones that's looking to do the goal that I'm trying to do. How did you approach that? Do you feel like that was something that you struggle with, and is it something you still struggle with?
Speaker 1:I'm not sure, I feel like that for me is a bit of a loaded question, because I understand it was a lot.
Speaker 2:I know it was a lot. I know it was a lot, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I do struggle with, as you said, giving your whole self to somebody and also having to consult with somebody, but I don't think that it ever tied into the entertainment world. For me it tied into specific trauma with my own father and trauma that I have with men in general. I struggle a lot with that still to this day. And now I am dating a man and I live with him. It's the first time living with a partner. For me I'm finding a lot of triggers popping up because I had I mean to not beat around the bush my father was abusive very mentally and psychologically. He was an alcoholic and he was most likely bipolar, mentally unstable. So I dealt with a lot of unstable situations as a child. So letting myself be intimate with another human, especially a man, has been a challenge. For that reason I still struggle with that, but I a challenge. For that reason I still struggle with that. But I don't think that it had anything to do with entertainment.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I do just struggle with hyper independence because mainly I was raised by my mom. I mean, my dad was there until I was 17, but was he really there? No, so I see myself as being raised by a single woman and I saw her do that. It kind of drilled into my head that you know I don't need anybody. Why are you relying on someone else? It becomes a downfall if you're relying on somebody. Yeah, so that's what it is for me. But my heart is full and I'm happy where I'm at and I'm comfortable sharing those things with my current partner and he's very patient with me. It's like you said, growing with another person and being the best version of yourself. It's hard but it's satisfying.
Speaker 2:It's very satisfying. I feel like I find myself telling Adrian all the time. I'm just like who?
Speaker 1:the hell am I.
Speaker 2:Who is this person? Her father and my father were big influences, because my pops, big John, always has some type of project when I was younger that he was working on or something he was doing around the house, and Dave Adrian's father it's the same way, but more Like. I remember when I was living with them, when we first moved here in the pandemic. We lived them for a year. I would wake up and this dude's in his seventies now, but like late sixties, like out digging, digging, ditches, and I'm like what is he?
Speaker 1:doing.
Speaker 2:And I like I'm this bartender person who's still trying to get over his bartender hours. So like by the time we moved here and I was still there for a year, like I still was getting up 1030 in the morning, 11 o'clock I've never been good at that now, which is something that is crazier to me I'm getting up at 630 in the morning.
Speaker 2:Now I'm forcing myself to change my habits, but back then it was still a struggle, and I would wake up and see him working and I'm just like why is he doing it? Why is he doing it? And we finally bought our house. We were here for a while and I'm looking around and I'm just like I want this to change, I want this to be different. I just got to do it. It's got to be me. I got to want to do it. And so now I'm waking up and digging ditches, putting together random pathways and stairways and just creating a home.
Speaker 2:Once again, I feel like just time, time heals all and I just needed time to truly get to a place where, mentally, I'm looking at things differently, I'm reading things. The whole moral of this thing is I agree that it is such a struggle, but then getting to this place where, mentally, you've done the work for yourself, you're able to express that to others, I mean, that's the whole reason why I do this pod. I feel like, yeah, I've been working on trying to be able to communicate better, because communication has always been the thing. I feel like that when I communicate, everything works better. It's just wow. Been the thing. I feel like that when I communicate, everything works better, it's just wow. They know how I truly feel and you can't really make someone angry when you're telling them how you feel and what you want and why you want it, like you give them the full picture. They're not going to their friend and being like I don't understand him or I don't understand her. I don't know why. It was like no, I told you why.
Speaker 1:That doesn't work anymore, yeah. Cause you've communicated. It's actually wild because you know, as kids you always hear, you know communication is key. Communication is so important, it's the backbone to every relationship. And then you grow up a little bit and you realize you're not so naive anymore and you're like, oh man, they were right, Everybody was right. Communication is, it's the backbone of everything that we do and if you're clear communicator, you're automatically going to have less problems, if any.
Speaker 2:We see people right now running for president, politics in general and the whole reason why things the way they are is because the communication is gaslighting the communication is unclear.
Speaker 2:The communication is clearly I'm doing this for a reason, but I'm not going to tell you exactly why. I'm just going to do it. We see this in every scenario around the world Brexit people weren't truly given an explanation of why they were going to do it. They just said this is good for you, and then they did it and everyone was like, well, I thought it was going to be this, but then it happened and we couldn't trade with other countries. Our stuff that we want to sell is on boats for months, like, why weren't we told this? Why wasn't this communicated Period?
Speaker 2:Yes, I think that's really how I conquered my struggles with relationship and, weirdly, met Adrian exactly when I conquered that, because I remember there was a period in LA I was meeting people. There was a period in Cape Toronto I was meeting people where I was trying to be as honest as possible. I wasn't. I just know I wasn't. I know I wasn't able to truly tell people what I thought in my head because I was either ashamed or I was mad at myself, or I was nervous they weren't going to understand. And so you create these illusions, or you create these little dramatic moments for no reason and you push people away or you gaslight. That was part of LA, that was part of Cape, for sure.
Speaker 2:When I left school I couldn't communicate properly. Now I'm in this place where I tell Adrian everything. I want to get to a place where most people in my life are like that. I feel like that's the struggle of getting older Because, like you said, we see through all the, the weird stuff, the the ground level stuff. We see through that. Now we, we can meet somebody and be like oh, I'm not gonna like you, yeah, I'm not even gonna entertain this, because I can tell already you got the funny act, you already aren't being honest with me. Why are you lying about something so simple when we just met? You don't have to lie to.
Speaker 2:I don't need that in my life at all. If anybody understands this kind of thing, I just feel like you would get it because, like I said, to go through something so dynamic where you have this incredible fun life, you're seeing places that people dream about seeing, you're working shows and going to shows and seeing celebrities Like I said in LA, that was my day-to-day. I have a whole list of hundreds of celebrities I met. People see that and they freak out and I'm like it's not as impressive as you think. But for someone like me it's not impressive. But for someone who doesn't push themselves and have this journey that they have to grow, they don't see it the same way. Thank you for giving me some time today. I know I hit you up out of the blue. You were one of the people that I was like I for sure I'm going to get them on the show and this was everything. So thank you for that.
Speaker 1:Thank you. You've made my heart very happy today.
Speaker 2:I appreciate you so much and your time. All I have to ask now is how do you feel?
Speaker 1:I feel good, my heart feels full. I feel happy to have spent the last hour chatting with a friend who I've not chatted with in a very long time.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, cheers to you.
Speaker 1:Cheers, cheers.
Speaker 2:I want to thank you for listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. The opening quote credit goes to Doe Zantamata and shout out to Shannon for being on the pod. Follow Shannon at ShannonDances on Instagram. Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating. Five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. Also, tell me your plans for the upcoming year. We should collab. Follow me at D-O-M underscore L-A-M-O-U-R on Instagram or at DomLamorecom. I'm Dom Lamore. Much love.
