"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
The Best of TBMTEP Season 2 Part 3
Dom L'Amour looks back on the second season of The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast.
Ever wondered how to balance the demands of work and personal life while still giving your best self to loved ones? Inspired by a powerful James Baldwin interview, we reflect on the importance of nurturing relationships with acts of service and presence, even after a tough day. This episode of Black Man Talking Emotions wraps up season two with a heartfelt discussion on balancing professional and personal responsibilities, providing insights that are especially relevant in today's challenging work environments.
The joys and sacrifices of parenthood are front and center in our next segment. My guest shares the emotional fulfillment of watching their children grow and discuss the natural inclination to prioritize their needs. Special guest Shannon O'Keefe, recounts her transformative journey from finding solace in dance to achieving a fuller sense of happiness outside the entertainment industry. This conversation offers a rich exploration of love, responsibility, and self-discovery within the family unit, highlighting the progress we've made since our college days.
Lastly, we explore the serene beauty of the Japanese green tea ceremony and its mindful approach to caffeine consumption. Personal anecdotes weave through our discussion on adapting this ancient ritual into daily life, reflecting on the cultural nuances and community care in Japan. From the intriguing belief in animism to the communal mindset that emphasizes care and respect, we consider how these cultural practices can inspire a more intentional and respectful way of living. Join us as we touch on navigating multiple identities as an artist, and the importance of authenticity and continual self-evaluation in various roles.
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Listen to full episodes here: https://domlamour.com/tbmtep
Todays featured clips came from these past episodes:
-Unmasking-our-true-selves-embracing-change-and-authentic-connections-with-storm-freeman
-The Dance of Adulthood, Embracing the Past and Present with Reverend Jeff
-Shannon O'Keefe on Embracing Change and Finding Joy
-Another Check in with Chris Bates
-Unveiling True Self: Leana Welker's Transition Story
-Tea Ceremonies, Travel Stories, and More with Jacob Buckmeyer
-Tales from the Stage Life's Melodic Truths with Bovell AKA Kaylan Royston
Listen to full episodes here: https://domlamour.com/tbmtep
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @doml_amour on Instagram. Or at
ladies and gentlemen and anyone else who is here, my name is Dom Namor and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. This is the third and final best of season two episode of the year. I'm just very happy that you hung on with us. That I really hold dear to my heart. I really love doing this show. I really love these conversations. I enjoy catching up with my friends and being able to put them on a platform where people can hear real people having honest conversation about things that you don't really normally get to see on TV or in the way that I'm doing it. So I'm just very happy to be in this position and to be able to host my own show. And this is the end of season two. Going into season three next year is going to be a blast. So thank you once again and I don't need to talk to you anymore. Folks, we're going to get into it. I'll let you know who is who at the end of the episode. Just enjoy the conversation. I found myself, like I said, in a really good headspace this year and Adrian and I have been sharing just as much as we always have. Like that hasn't never really been a problem with us. We'll talk to each other. But since I'm doing the work on me, I think I'm starting to also notice how it's affecting others.
Speaker 1:There was this video I saw with James Baldwin. He was speaking to his lady and the line that really stuck out to me was she wanted him to pretend that he was fine and he was like no, I'm honest with you, I tell you everything. And she was like but you don't have to do that. You put on this front for white people and for your boss all day long. And then you come home and I got to take all the hell. I got to take all the negative energy. You are holding it in all day. Hold it in for me too. Show me that you are willing to do the work to at least make me happy and be positive for me, instead of coming home and being angry at everyone else and me getting that angry energy. I want you at your best, just like you give them, even though you don't want to give them your best. Give it to me because you want to give me your best. It to me because you want to give me your best, even if the day was hard, even if the person took advantage of you. Are you willing to do the work at home to make that person who you love happy? And you can do that while also being honest with them about what's going on at work. Right, it could be a shitty day and you can come home and talk about your shitty day, but then also, you can rub her back and tell her about how important this time speaking with her is, and how important being with her and seeing her is, because it makes everything okay. Now, what do you want me to do? Let's make dinner. Let's go out. Let's go do this because that's the true, important relationship.
Speaker 1:That boss is going to replace you the day that you leave. Right, that boss, if you pass away, find someone else to do your job. That boss is going to always push you towards the limit of I want to leave this place because they don't need anything other than you to work. That's what their goal is. I'm your boss. Your job is to work and give us the most that we possibly can get out of you at the base price that we're agreed upon, until we try to either make another agreement or tell you, hey, there's no price that you can get other than what you're getting. If you don't want it, we'll get someone else Always comes down to that. So that person's job is just to work you and to not truly care about the other stuff. But the other person's job is to be there for you and make you better and to love you and to push you and to share interests and to add to your life and help you create a family and help you build an empire. Why wouldn't you give them that energy?
Speaker 1:And this interview was decades ago. This wasn't something that had just been posted. This isn't something that was in the 2000s. It wasn't even in the 90s or 80s. I think it was like in the 70s. It was a long time ago and they were talking this way then. Working environments, the idea we've had two decades of no change in minimum wage, everything is higher in cost, but we're not being paid anymore. We're literally being paid the same amount we were paid. Then. Some people are wreaking the benefits, others aren't.
Speaker 1:In this work environment, in this world, in this climate, it's even more important to put the people who got your back, who live and die for you first Working on me has helped me continue to work on that and to push that into a better area and to continue to improve on what we want for our future. On what we want for our future. In what ways do you feel like you are working struggling?
Speaker 2:maybe not doing it right, maybe doing it right. How are you improving your relationship every day, Trying to be there in ways of acts of service? Essentially I can't control the day at work for my partner, but I know if things, if I'm able to take care of some things, so she's not worried about that. You know, I'm trying my best to.
Speaker 1:Is that her?
Speaker 2:main love language? Yes, I believe it's that. And so just making sure that I'm there and also trying to be present in our times together. It's hard to put the phone down especially because we are very much social media artists down. Especially, we are very much social media artists, as far as you know. That is important because it shows to your other that the time that you're spending with them means more than you know what you're kind of working on at that point. And so just making sure I'm present. I think in past relationships my dream was very important as far as not coming first, but essentially, like you know, this is something I need to take care of and both of us need to be doing this together. I've been now more conscious of making sure that I have time dedicated to the relationship and tying our dreams together, just making sure that we're asking each other you know, hey, what are you trying to attain this week? Or what have you done? And celebrating in the accomplishments of things and then just reminding our reflection.
Speaker 1:But we of course, talk through everything and it's really just important for me to try to be present. I feel like social media has been thrusted into me constantly, by every angle. People, fans, but also family, my God, babies. It's like I need social media yeah in so many ways. Yeah, I need it, I need it, I need it, but also I I want to be present, and the reason why I need social media is because a lot of the things I want to be present with I can't be.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly.
Speaker 1:I can't be in New York, I can't be in LA, I can't be in St Louis, not all day. But on social media I can be, but then again it stops me from being present here.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:That's my challenge I think my biggest challenge with relationships in general, not just Adrian and I, because I think both of us would be sitting down and get caught up in our phone randomly but, we are good about pulling ourselves out of it If we go somewhere we went to on a date in downtown Atlanta.
Speaker 1:we're good about keeping our phones in our pockets. That's not a problem in our relationship but just while working on myself, social media has been this battle for me. It's been this hard fight and I know that it's me who's fighting. I know that it's me who's constantly talking about it. I know it's me that's adding that extra stress to my day to day because it's very easy just to not ever use it. You could really easily just never turn it on. But with all of those things I said before, I turn it on because I yearn for those human interactions, those places. I miss sitting by the Mississippi River on lunch breaks. I miss passing the Arch or driving past Busch Stadium downtown. I miss Umami Burger in LA. I miss driving down Mulholland Drive and seeing Universal Studios. I miss going down the 101 from the.
Speaker 1:Valley into Hollywood and seeing the W and seeing Hollywood and seeing all of this incredible historical landmarks and places you see in movies. I miss that I miss so much, and social media is this blessing.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:That I can see that stuff, I can feel that stuff, I can feel that stuff, I can remember that stuff. But then also, people have been so successful on it that I see their success and it makes me compare my success to theirs, which is the ultimate sin it is, and it makes the whole thing feel like I don't want to be a part of this. Right, and it's hard. It just continues to be something I have to work on, which essentially wraps into me working on myself to make sure I'm in a better place for my relationship with my wife and the people around me. How about you? In any way do you think it gets between you and your partner?
Speaker 2:There are times it does. Social media is definitely its own animal and it's hard to keep yourself from again, like you said, comparing yourself to others. It was meant for you know seeing your family and you know being able to connect, and I think it just changed into a capitalist society.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I have to basically yeah.
Speaker 2:I have to showcase you know what I'm doing next, who I am, and prove why watching me is more important than watching somebody else. Instead of just kind of you know, showcasing who you are and your talent, it just became more of a how can I grab your attention more than somebody else, or even I get it. But sometimes the posts that are like everyone's going to see this and scroll past it, they're like what is that called the self-pity post? Is that a self-pity post?
Speaker 1:I don't know where it's coming from. It feels like that when it like you know if you, if you pass this up, god's going to strike you down. Bullshit.
Speaker 8:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's like now I got to look at it.
Speaker 2:You know it's like, yeah, when it should just be.
Speaker 2:You know, I mean, it definitely does hinder relationships at times. Going back to the time of being there for your partner is important, because you know there are times in social media and you know we haven't really talked about X, y, z today, or then I'm down about, like music maybe that day because I saw something, I saw a post and saw something that was like, man, you know I deserve to be there. I know that I have the talent to do this and why haven't I done this and why am I not? You know, I should have accomplished, getting this, this and this done. And I do believe that social media can be a hindrance, but I try to look at it as, again, just a space for the people you know, my fans and friends and family to see what I'm up to and how I'm doing, and not more of a bragging space, more of a here's what we have accomplished together. You know, and I'm only going to continue trying, keep trying. So I'd love for you to be with me on this journey.
Speaker 1:I don't think I really had this conversation on the pod and I think it's important and it's exciting to talk to someone like you who has truly gone through this change, the sacrifice of being married and having kids and actually building a life outside of college, outside of your career, just your family. How do you feel that has changed you as a person, as a businessman and, just like you said, as a father and husband, the things that you kind of have to put behind you? How has that changed your personality? And is it something that you kind of miss? Or do you not even think about it? You just do it because you know you're supposed to.
Speaker 7:Well, that's an excellent way to put it the sacrifice, if you want to call it that, and I think it's a good word for it. Yes, it's a sacrifice because you're giving up certain aspects of your life. You're giving up doing whatever you want whenever you want. You're giving up that solidarity, but it's hardly a sacrifice when you consider what you're getting in return.
Speaker 7:And the sheer joy that you experience from first sharing your life with someone else, someone you love, and you know all about that. Also, the sheer joy you get from having kids and raising kids and my daughters are four and seven and my four-year-old still, whenever I get home, will run to me and leap into my arms, and I always kind of made a point. But especially in seeing my seven-year-old not again, not that she isn't happy to see me, but she's just starting to lose that kind of like childlike oh daddy, like you're the best, you can do no wrong. And so now, especially when my four year old, I'm like I'm just gonna hold on to this for as long as humanly possible because I know it's fleeting, uh. But now the changes that you have to make are are, you know, whether you want to or not, we're all incredibly selfish beings up until and for some people, well past. When you choose to, hey, I'm going to spend my life with this person. Now it's not about just me, it's about me and this other person, my spouse, my partner, whatever it may be.
Speaker 7:And then, after that fact, when you two decide to bring another life into this world, now it's not about hey, it's what's best for me and what's best for you. It's all about what's best for that little person and I. I'd like to tell you that, oh, it's takes a lot of work and to a degree it doesn't, but it's, it doesn't feel like work. It's not something you think about. Uh, at least for me, and I should just speak to how I feel but it wasn't hard. It's not hard to sacrifice something for your kid, because it's as natural as breathing. It just happens.
Speaker 2:You have a kid.
Speaker 7:this kid needs X, Y or Z. Therefore, you provide X, y or Z and it's as natural as breathing in and breathing out that love you feel for them. And I wish I could say I know what everyone else feels, but I can just speak to my own experience. That's very much how it's been for us. Yes, there's times when it's incredibly frustrating, especially early on.
Speaker 1:I haven't had sleep, I can't even take care of myself, because I'm always worried about this baby.
Speaker 7:And those are frustrating. But I don't remember and this could be the warm glow of thinking back I don't remember ever thinking like oh, I regret having kids. That's never been a concept for me. I just they're so wonderful and they provide so much happiness to me and their mother that it's just never been something. I consider it's a little bit of a cheesy answer, but it's the honest truth, in that what you're giving up seems so minuscule compared to what you're getting.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 7:And so all I can say is that, yes, there are sacrifices, but there's sacrifices that, after experiencing raising a child, I can't imagine anyone not being willing to make those sacrifices all over again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like more and more, especially now that I don't have kids. Yet I get this conversation from people where, no matter what, it's always worth it kind of thing. You usually hear that cliche I wish I had a better explanation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's the same thing. You hear it and it's one of those things where it's just like I mean, it's just that's what it is. So it's cool to hear that response because, like I said, I do recall growing up with you and seeing the different things that we were going through and to be where we are now, both of us. I mean, we're miles ahead of where we were, which you should be, but you'd be surprised how many people haven't changed. You'd be surprised how many people stay in that lane or even have kids and they still act the same. They don't really care that their kids are there. And it's like I said, I'm just proud of you, man. It's just really refreshing to see everything.
Speaker 7:I gotta say, speaking to our our time spent together in college. Thank God social media wasn't as prevalent then as it is now, or it's very. You know. It's entirely possible I wouldn't have this job, so thank God that the only thing was Facebook and this brand new and oh, I have my flip phone and maybe, oh, look, it's got a camera. Thank God that was. That was the era in which we grew up, right before, because now I don't know 're retired?
Speaker 1:how? Like on the scale from one to ten or this, I always bring this book up uh and uh, five love languages filling your love tank. How do you feel your love tank is full now, since dance isn't a part of it?
Speaker 3:um, I honestly feel like it's fuller.
Speaker 1:Good yeah.
Speaker 3:I never thought I would say that because as a child, as a young girl, dance for me was oh my gosh, it was therapy. It was therapeutic for me. I had some rough stuff going on when I was a kid and I didn't feel like I could talk about it. I didn't feel like I had any about it. I didn't feel like I had any way to express what I was going through, and dance gave that to me. Dance gave me my voice, kind of. So you know, if you were to ask 16 year old Shannon like hey, do you see yourself not dancing someday and still being happy? I'd be like oh hell no. Yeah, no, do you see yourself not dancing someday and still being happy? I'd be like oh hell, no.
Speaker 3:No, this is my life, this is everything to me.
Speaker 3:But now that I've been through it and I've seen the entertainment industry as a whole, my heart is so much fuller now that I'm out. A lot of performers go through so much turmoil in the industry because you're constantly told you're not enough, you're not thin enough, you're not 're constantly told you're not enough, you're not thin enough, you're not well now. You're not heavy enough, well now. You're not buff enough? Well now, you're too buff. Now your hair has to look like this. It can always be better.
Speaker 3:You can always be a better version of yourself. I went through so much. I had an eating disorder at one point which, looking at me, everyone would probably be like, oh my God, shannon, why? Because I've always been the skinny friend, I'm thin. And then one contract I worked. I was tired, I took five months off. I said I don't care, I'm making good money, I can afford to take five months off. I went to Italy with my partner at the time and I gained a lot of happy weight. You know when you're really happy with your partner and y'all are just eating meals together, dating all the time.
Speaker 3:You're just getting fat and happy and I gained like 30 or 40 pounds for the first time in my life. I was like whoa, who is she? I can't fit in these jeans. I was like whoa, who is she? I can't fit in these jeans. And you know, the little me, who used to get like chastised for being too small, was like kind of happy. So like.
Speaker 3:I'm actually able to put weight on. But then I go back on contract and all the other girls are skinnier than me for the first time in my life. The other girls are more ripped than me for the first time in my life and I get so insecure and no one was pressuring me to lose weight besides me and the fact that we had weigh-ins every week.
Speaker 1:There is that, yeah, they have since discontinued that.
Speaker 3:They have stopped doing that, but during, yeah, the first five years of my secure career, we did weekly weigh-ins every day. On home port day, when the ship is its most stable, you weigh in and it's mainly just so you can make sure you're still fitting your costumes. That's the big thing is, we don't. We can't be having people just readjust their costumes every week because you're gaining weight, losing weight either way. It ruins the costumes. So it's kind of to keep track of that and I would say the the bigger issue is keeping track of people not losing too much weight. But, yeah, I ended up developing an eating disorder, which I now still struggle with because I have this idea in my head that I have to look a certain way. So earlier, when I mentioned that I'm soft now and we love her, I'm trying to love my soft body because I have this very normal body that is very beautiful and I love her. So we're being soft and we're eating and we're being healthy, Circling back.
Speaker 3:Finally. My heart is fuller now because I'm able to love me for me without thinking of the consequences. Am I going to fit in that costume? Am I going to be too small for that costume? Are my tits big enough? Is my hair long enough? Am I pretty enough? I don't have to think about that anymore. That's a big change and it's still an adjustment, but it's a really cool feeling not to think about those things.
Speaker 1:I want answers. I think that's the big thing with the whole fertility thing. I want answers. I want to know what's next. I want to know if there's anything I could be doing to help and Adrian, of course, is going through the same struggles on her end as well. Like it's literally we got the double whammy. Both of us are kind of struggling to know where our bodies are and, like I said, all I'm doing is other than right now, like right now, eating really quickly so I can get in between podcasts. Of course, I got some pizza rolls and some tater tots here with a little soda horrible eating right now but this morning I had a wonderful salad and you know what you can do.
Speaker 5:All that right, bro? Like I, I walk through the fire. So, like, I'll tell people all the time I'm like, bro, like, if you want kids, if you don't want kids, whatever the case may be, or whatever, you're gonna spend money on what you want, right? So at the end of the day, you figure it out. If that's what you want, figure it out. If you deep down want a child or whatever, you have to look yourself in the mirror. You have to realize, like bro, I ain't in control of none of this. So, whatever, which way, every way is gonna lean me. That's just the way I'm gonna go. I'm gonna have to be. You have to be very flexible. The wind gonna blow this way. You have to go with it. And if it blow that way, you have to go with it.
Speaker 5:Do not like just take stuff off the board because you feel like you can't achieve that, or you feel like, oh no, I got this, I got that Because you're going to look back and be like, damn, I didn't got that bread. That's why I be saying people like just have an open mind about this. It's not natural, it's not easy, it's not fun, but I go grab you, jade, and just she, she five months, she turned five months today. It go by fast. It's just like all these emotions that you deal with and finally getting something. So that's why that's me saying, listen, man, like life gone life and things gonna happen or whatever, but if that's deep down, you and your wife don't get flushed. Oh see, go go here, go here. You have your bad days, that's fine, you, you're human, but don't let it flush you sway this way. Yeah, at the end of the day, something beautiful will come about.
Speaker 1:I feel like one thing that always happens with the trans conversation or bisexual anyone in the LGBTQ community. Whenever you talk, especially queer, you talk about these things. It's portrayed in media, social media, everything the negative parts, the negative interactions. This trans kid was murdered because of this. You see those stories 20 times more than you see someone saying they became trans and it changed their life and they are living the best life they can ever have.
Speaker 1:I know and it's them living in their true self, and this is beautiful. So, instead of lingering on the negatives or how you got to where you are and trying to help people understand, screw everybody else. This final part. I just want to talk to you and hear the positives. I want to know have you had those moments where you sat down and you could smell the roses? Have you had those moments where you sat down and he was like, wow, if I wouldn't have done this, my life would be somewhere I could never imagine? This is the best thing I've done. How were those moments? How did you celebrate those moments? Did you have people with you in those moments? And, truly, just what are the things that are in your life now that make it 20 times better, that weren't there before?
Speaker 6:I mean honestly, what it boils down to most is just peace. It's waking up and feeling like a weight is just off of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 6:Taking a walk in the park and just not thinking about anything, just being present and taking it all in and not having to be on edge. You know, I think one of the biggest moments was a friend and I went out to Zion back in September and there was just one moment where I went outside and sat in a lawn chair and just like looked at this farm ground and the mountainscape and I was just like, wow, I was able to get out here. So much of that trip felt so surreal that we were even there and doing it. But that was just a very distinct moment of sitting down and just taking it all in.
Speaker 6:I've been really prioritizing like rest and just not pushing myself further than I need to or like further than I'm capable of, and sometimes and like, on one hand, my body is weak. Now my body is weak, my body is. Is it's like truly I'm? Part of it was that I was like I want to see what my medication will do to my body naturally and then like establish a kind of new baseline and go from there. But also part of it has just been I'm enjoying my downtime. Part of it has just been I'm enjoying my downtime Coming out of the other end of that where I'm like, okay, I still want to dance, I still want to make sure my body can go on hikes and can climb the rock wall at the gym and can run, ride a bike and do all these things that I find so much joy in.
Speaker 6:I find so much joy in, and so it's almost like it's re-experiencing so much stuff for the first time. When I'm around somebody I'm attracted to. It's still like a fucking high school crush where I'm just like oh, hi hello, you know stuff like that and I think that's lovely, I think it's.
Speaker 1:Exciting triple expressos. I'm not doing it now, but I am doing caffeine again. Going to japan really reintroduced it to me because you know they do tea and did this green tea ceremony.
Speaker 1:That's what we did, so we went to this room there was a couple other tourists and this lady in traditional clothing and she gave us pretty much the small version of what it was. One thing I noticed she said early in the conversation is that when we do green tea we do it in doses, because when we first started drinking it, of course we looked at it as medicine. So we look at caffeine kind of like it's a medicine that we use to help us throughout the day, and I don't know what about that stuck with me. But when I heard that I was like you know, that's a good way to look at it. I look at it like it's the devil and I shouldn't do it and I wanted to get away from it because it was a drug and I'm like, no, I can't. But it was like everything is good in moderation and if I could take two things the Tylenol, ibuprofen I can do a cup of green tea, especially good matcha tea that comes from flipping Japan.
Speaker 1:So I sat there and I watched how they put it together, I watched the patients, I watched the routine and I was already thinking of ways that I could change it, the ways that I can make it faster, how I could use a fork instead of ways that I could change it, the ways that I could make it faster, how I could use a fork instead of the way that they mix it, or I could use my mixer that I use for my espresso. And I was like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The whole point is to honor every part of it and do it traditionally. And that's part of your morning routine, that's part of your everyday, that's part of creating good habits. And I sat there and I went through this whole thing by myself, going through this tea ceremony.
Speaker 1:By the time we were done I was like, okay, so I need to get the dose thing. I want to make sure I get proper matcha from the right region that I liked, and I want to make sure that I get the bamboo stir that you get with it. I want to make sure that I treat it as sacred as it was introduced to me. And so now you know when I make this, you know I didn't just get up and pour it into a cup and walk away. I made the hot water and I cleaned it up the way I'm supposed to do it. I'm not as delicate as they were, but I make sure I do my routine and I do a certain amount. I don't overdo it and I'm very particular about that. I do one cup of orange juice in the morning, I do one cup of caffeine in the morning and it's really been. It's really been delightful. So props to you on taking some time from it, but don't look at it like it's horrible, because it could do some good sometimes, you know.
Speaker 8:Let's say you talk about all that just like I like fired off like three things in my head that I like immediately was like oh, I want to touch on that. I want to touch on that kind of in the same way, where you're like it's medicine, yeah or not, like viewing it as a medicine versus like viewing it as a drug or whatever. Like part of my problem, I think, and part of the reason I wanted to do this this month, was because I was kind of in a place where, on average, I was consuming caffeine at like kind of an alarming rate, like literally on average a day would be like 600 to 800 milligrams if you were to do 600 to 800 milligrams of weed, you couldn't move.
Speaker 1:That's what. That's the way you should think about, that's the way you should think, and it that's the way you should think.
Speaker 8:And it was one of those things where I'd be like I feel so exhausted and so worn out and wrung out and all this kind of stuff and I kind of started to realize it's like now. It's like keeping you wired even when you're trying to fall asleep and your body just can't it's lost, it's reset. So that was a little bit of it, and so I'm feeling better, like I still definitely wake up and be like, oh man, it'd be nice. You know, I woke up this morning at at four and it would have been nice to like be able to get a starbucks cold brew or whatever at you know 5 am or something like that. But I'm doing okay with it and I'm kind of enjoying the like kind of mental place it puts me in to be like you don't need it, push through for another hour and you'll be fine. Yeah, and then the other thing is you're talking about so I've also been to japan.
Speaker 8:I was mainly in tokyo. You traveled a little bit more throughout the country and I didn't get to do a lot of like. You know, I was a little envious listening you talk about taking part in the tea ceremony because I didn't do a lot of like spiritual things. There we did a lot of like fun, crazy stuff that I thought was great. But there is something of like being able to like touch a culture in that way and I actually, kind of interestingly, was talking to a friend who is japanese and she was talking to me.
Speaker 8:She has like her stuffed animal from childhood. She's like taking care of him for decades and decades and it's basically been like I I want to think that I've given him enough love right now that he's like developed a spirit, yeah, and I like was taken aback a little bit and I was like what do you mean by that? And she was like well, a lot of in japanese culture, a lot of things are like we want to put love and care into places and things and you know ceremonies and things like that and we believe that and I might I hope I'm not like bastardizing this but like if we put enough care and love into something, it can develop its own spirit. And like she was explaining to the like the trees that you would see in Japan that have the like wraps around them I guess you know what I mean that have like the bands around them. She was saying those are trees that are like old enough and have had enough significance that like they're believed to be like gods.
Speaker 8:Now that was like a really interesting like perspective on that and like care, because I I like specifically had a an experience and a notice thing when I was in japan, and I don't know if you notice the same, but like I'd get my starbucks in the morning to go on our caffeine conversation and I'd like walk with it and I'd drink it, yeah, and then I'd be stuck with a cup for like an hour and a half after I was done drinking it because there were like no trash cans anywhere. They sit down and they enjoy their coffee, they enjoy their tea yeah it's a thing that they've put work into in attention.
Speaker 8:Yeah, yeah, and it's not something like you pick up and go and you know we have a lot of like trash everywhere and like trash cans out that are like overflowing.
Speaker 8:Living in la, I see it all the time, you know but it's encouraging to be like this city of Tokyo that's like twice the size of LA, is like so clean and pristine. Yeah, purely because, like it almost seems like it's just out of the perception of like no, no, no, you you've got food, you've got drink, you're going to sit down and enjoy it and give it its due attention and like. The other part of that was I actually had one where it's like had a cold brew and the ice had melted and I just was like, well, I'm gonna have to have this cup. I don't want to just like carry it around with the melted, you know, ice and the water in it. So I took the cap off and I poured it into a gutter when we were in like the fashion district, and then this woman gave me the like nastiest look and I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was my bad but, it's like that, like that has a purpose and you're just like dumping your trash into it.
Speaker 8:Essentially, it's like I you know I was trying to hold on to the cup, but it was something where you're like oh, this is just like a much different viewpoint. And I feel, like so many people out here, just like I need, I grab the thing and I go and I need I'm, I'm on my track versus it seems like they are much more of like no, no, no, you take care of stuff. Yeah, you put love into it. It has significance, even if it's not something that will affect you. This is a communal thing. We're all here. There is a lot of that. We all could take on more and be like it's important to take care of your community, not just because it services you, but because there are other people there.
Speaker 1:Now, every time I would see somebody in Japan and they would see me put something in the trash can. This is not an exaggeration. We were in Sumego and we had just done the hike from Magome to Sumego. I was at the bus stop Actually, adrian was still up eating and so I walked over and I threw my bottle. I was like asking people like where's the trash can? I don't know what trash can is. And the lady finally pointed to me and I put it over there and this old man was like, thank you for throwing that away. And I was like, okay, dude, like. But in his head, like, like you said, I'm an American, we're impatient, we move fast and you know we don't care about anything. And that was one of those moments where he saw this black guy in the middle of Japan truly trying not to just litter, like, hey, I'm going to really find the trash can. And I asked four people and he watched me and that's just something so small. But that attention is something that they're kind of shown from day one. It's put into their brain. I took that away from that trip more than I took from any other trip I've taken, when I went to the Bahamas, when I went to Mexico, when I was in Ireland, japan really captured my imagination on what America truly could be. I want to talk about something you said before and this will be the last thing I ask you about, because I think it's very fascinating and it's something that I relate to.
Speaker 1:I feel like there's so many times where in my friend group, starting in elementary school all the way to middle school, high school, college, now life, I feel like there were like five Dominiques. There was the musical theater Dominique yes. There was the black friend, dominique yes. There was the football friend or basketball friend, dominique. There was the music Dominique, which is different than the musical theater Dominique, and then there was the show choir Dominique. Like there's all these different people within this person. There's the comic friend, dominique, there's the guy who would go and drink at the whiskey bar, there's the guy who goes to the cigar lounge, there's this guy who are in so many different circles and as a performer especially a multi-talented performer, where you have to do different things and I don't want people to look at me like I'm stuck up or something I am a BFA musical theater graduate, music, dance, acting. That's what we're supposed to do. I'm saying I'm multi-talented because I was trained to be multi-talented. Get off my back.
Speaker 1:With that being said, in the that that world, you go out into the world and in la I have a crew that is in tv and I'm cool with them and those are my tv friends. But then in la I had my open mic scene friends that I would see at all the open mics and I would go perform with them and then I would have the people that I would do musical theater with and then I would have the people I would do cabaret with like it was all different groups within performance. I just always felt like I was being yanked or forced, or not even forced. I had to kind of jump into these different pools because as a performer you can't truly just get what you need in one space unless you really do focus in on just songwriting. I'm just songwriting, these are my songwriting friends and I'm just going to stay with them.
Speaker 1:How do you maintain that? Because I still think I struggle with that. There's real world, dominique, my married life, where we're renovating the bathroom in our house right now. People see us and we go to family events and have game nights and we do real world stuff, real people stuff during normal business hours. And then there's Dominique who gigs with the wedding band, and that's artist Dominique. That's the guy who's constantly out here grinding every weekend trying to make someone's wedding the best day of their life. And then there's songwriter Dominique who goes to the open mics, who performs his own music, who produces his own shows.
Speaker 1:And there's podcast, dom, I'm doing this. This podcast has developed a whole different group of people, whole different friend group, a whole different fan base, a whole different life. How do you operate all of those different groups? How do you keep yourself on the straight and narrow to do the things that you love? Is it a struggle or is it something that you're passionate about and excited?
Speaker 4:about. I think it's always something if you don't feel like you don't have something to work on, you need to, like, step back and reevaluate. There should always be something to work on, especially not even just as an artist, but as like a partner, you know, in terms of my relationship as a friend, to those other relationships, to those platonic relationships as a employee, to my boss or anyone that I'm working for or working under, to my colleagues, to my collaborators. If you are able to set aside time to reevaluate those relationships but also reevaluate your relationship with yourself, I think that makes it easier to make them all, if not coincide, then at least coexist, which I think can be the hardest thing. Because it's like, you know, just like someone could be listening to this and they could have never done a show, they could have never, you know, sung a song in their life or danced in their life. And if you take two of your friend groups and you have a party and those two friend groups are at that party, it's weird, it feels weird, the energy is very like. I don't know if this was a good idea, because it's like.
Speaker 4:I think it's something that's also sometimes shunned, but it shouldn't be. I think it's very human of us to act a certain way with certain groups of people and act differently with other people. It's like, you know, you're not going to have the same type of back and forth with me as you would like your parents, or as you would your wife or as you would, you know, with like a literal child, like it's very different. Our relationships are always ever changing and I think, in terms of me balancing those relationships to the people that know me from those circles, but also those versions of myself that I think in some ways have passed and in some ways are emerging, like, I think, a lot of my musical theater friends and my musical theater side is still an active part of my life, but it is most definitely secondary as it relates to like my songwriting or like my music. You know I would say, like music, kaylin is like here and then like MT, kaylin is like here, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:There's also a part of me that wants to know if those things can all exist simultaneously, which is why I perform. You know, I will always credit myself because I've worked hard to make it possible and to make it happen as being a great performer. I'm badass on stage because I not only am singing my face off most of the time, that doesn't mean singing high, to be clear. I'm singing with intent and performing with intent because that's what feels good and I think when you are intentional with yourself, around people that make what feels good, and I think when you are intentional with yourself, around people that make you feel good, that makes them feel good. So, being really invested in that authenticity, even if it's five different versions of your authenticity, that's also what helps you maintain that balance with with people. I think also, we outgrow people, especially as artists, because if you are someone who is constantly shooting to be better or wanting to be better or wanting to grow, there are some people I know who peaked five years ago.
Speaker 4:I don't talk to those people anymore. Yeah, I don't. I do not fuck around with being with. I don't talk to those people anymore. I do not fuck around with being with people who don't challenge me. I like being with people who make me want to be better and make me want to actively work harder at being not just a better artist but being a better human, because I think some of the best people that you can meet are some of the best artists that you can meet as well, searching for that as well, searching for and allowing what feels good to come to you, and those people will follow as well.
Speaker 1:I want to thank you for listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. This has been just a thrill to be able to go back and revisit some of these conversations and I just I'm so thankful to everyone who has taken time out to talk to me, people who have taken time out to listen, people who have shared these episodes with others. Thank you. I just think it's important. Conversation and communication is the thing that's lacking the most in people that I meet now, and it's harder to make new friends because people are afraid to talk. It's so weird. It's not like I'm an old man, but it's true weird. It sounds like I'm an old man, but it's true people are. We live in a weird place right now. So thank you to everyone for giving me time to talk and be excited and look forward to different things. Everyone I spoke with on this one, starting with storm, aka stormka. Storm, my guy. He's doing big things right now and I'm so proud of him. I'm your performer right now. Shout out to Storm for doing his thing. Shannon O'Keefe thank you so much for your words. Jeff Holtmeyer, my guy. Thank you very much. Jake Buckenmeyer, another friend of the show. Chris Bates was on this one as well. Thank you very much to chris bates. Shout out to liana walker, thank you for being on the show this year. And bovel, my girl bovel, thank you. Uh, make sure to go, support her music and all the things that bovel do and I'm just saying her artist name so that you can find her.
Speaker 1:And, of course, you can go back and listen to all of these episodes with all of these people. They're all in the timeline and I don't make any of these shows based on one time. You can usually go back and listen to the episodes. We don't really talk about everything that's going on in a day specifically. Sometimes it might be political and mean something to one point, but most of the time we try to just stick to topics and what's going on with that. So if you have any type of idea or if you're working on something or you just need someone to talk, to reach out, let me know. I'm always open to having a conversation. Make sure to subscribe to the podcast and share the podcast and give us a good rating. Five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. I want to collab with people. Make sure to reach out if you can. You can follow me at dom underscore l-a-m-o-u-r on instagram or at domlamorecom. I'm dom lamore. Much love.
