The Sex Reimagined Podcast

Dr. Alison Ash: Conquering Insecurities & Techniques for Oral Sex Success

• Leah Piper, Dr. Willow Brown, Dr. Alison Ash • Season 2 • Episode 62

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Hosts Dr. Willow and Leah got down & dirty with sex educator Dr. Alison Ash, who is a trauma-informed intimacy coach, Stanford University Lecturer, author, and founder of TurnON.love. In this juicy conversation all about optimizing oral pleasure, letting go of expectations, & getting out of your head, we dived into the skills needed to be masterful at giving & receiving oral sex. With compassion, communication, and the techniques we uncovered with Dr. Ash, you can leave your partner gasping in ecstasy and eager to return the favor. 

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS TO AMPLIFY THE ORAL MAGIC:

  • Don’t skip the warmup! Tease and torment with thigh massage and lip nibbles.
  • Flicker a pointed tongue for intense sensation, or go broad with a soft, flat tongue.   
  • Allow laughter to release any tension; this is about having fun, not being perfect.
  • Savor their scent, and describe aloud how amazing their genitals look and taste.
  • Lavish licks on the areas you desire most. This transfers ravenous, worshipful energy that facilitates deeper arousal and connection.
  • Plus, many more actionable techniques you will want to try tonight!

EPISODE LINKS

THE VAGINAL ORGASM MASTERCLASS. Discover how to activate the female Gspot, clitoris, & cervical orgasms. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST 20

LAST 10x LONGER. If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you are not alone, master 5 techniques to cure this stressful & embarrassing issue once and for all. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST20.

THE MALE GSPOT & PROSTATE MASTERCLASS. This is for you if… You’ve heard of epic anal orgasms, & you wonder if it’s possible for you too. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon PODCAST20.

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Leah | SxR Host:

Hey there, everyone. It's Leah Piper, your Tantra expert at Sex Reimagined. And I am with the beautiful... The smart, the amazing Dr. Willow Brown, who is, of course, the Taoist expert here on the show. And today we are so excited to have, Dr. Alison Ash, AKA Dr. Aly, who is an intimacy coach. She's an educator. She's a Stanford university, lecturer. She's an author. She's the founder of www.turnon.Love. And, uh, she's an amazing teacher. And we are going to focus today on lovely, awesome oral lovemaking known as fellatio, known as cunnilingus, and it's time to dive in.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Yeah. So tune in, turn on and fall in love with Dr. Alison Ash.

SxR Announcer:

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

all right, we are here with Dr. Alice and Ash. We're so excited to be here with you, Ali. Dr. Ali, welcome,

Dr. Alison Ash:

Thank you so much. Glad to be here.

Leah | SxR Host:

We've heard great things about you. our friends over at the shameless sex podcast speak so highly of you. I know you've been on their show and you are an expert in many things sexuality. And today we're excited to talk about the art of pleasuring one's lover with one's mouth. So, um, tell us a little bit about the people who come to you, who see you professionally. And what are some of their, like questions. What are their concerns? What are they stressed out about when it comes to oral lovemaking?

Dr. Alison Ash:

A lot of it is just around competency, feeling like there's not much templating, modeling, instruction, support in society to learn how to give and receive quality oral sex. I mean, as we all know, porn does not depict realistic sexuality in most cases. And I think that people want to have that experience. And a of feeling confident in the bedroom and to be able to give their, their lover pleasure. And I also work with a lot of people on their capacity to receive. Receiving can be deeply vulnerable for some people. And a lot of folks get stuck in their head or don't know how to be more active and cocreate the sexual experiences that they are wanting to have. They feel more passive, and then it is like either its good, or its not good, but they don't feel like they can help guide it to what would make it feel the best for them. And their reality is each person is so different, and unique, and so it is impossible to know what every person out there is going to like. We have to learn how to calibrate to each individual.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah, I so agree. I mean, even myself, And I think it comes down to lack of confidence. We want to feel like we know what we're doing, and we also need to learn how to communicate. What would improve our experience, like how to direct, how to experience it in a way that our partner gets to win and we get to win with more pleasure.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

you know, I think the, the receiving of oral pleasure is one of the places where we really kind of miss the boat. And like you said, being more interactive and co creating this, um, juiced up experience with your partner and guiding them like a little bit lighter here, a little bit firmer there and giving them more, um, more direction around what they're actually doing. Cause this isn't something that's ever really taught in, in any sex ed class. And, um, you know, people are just kind of figuring it out for themselves. A lot of people, once they really experience a really good head for the first time in their life, they start to really enjoy their body in a whole new way. Like they have a new relationship with what their body is capable of. So It's such an invaluable thing to to learn how to give and learn how to receive So I love that you're highlighting that piece.

Leah | SxR Host:

I mean, so many things come to mind. All these complications come to mind. Just from my own journey with oral sex, you know, I remember when I was younger, coming of age, I really loved it when someone went down on me. And then I went through like two decades of going this does nothing for me. Like I'm just meh, you know? And some every once in a great while someone would be really good at it and I would have a spark plug go off but it wasn't until recently that I realized I need a combo with, with oral sex. I need someone to put a finger in and go down to me at the same time. I don't get much if it's just a mouth. I need penetration too, and that feels like a revelation, and I love it being this age. I'm almost 45, and I've been a sex expert for over 20 years and I'm still learning new things as simple as... well actually oral sex isn't simple and that's the point of this episode. Is that it isn't so simple and it does seem like some people are awesome at it and have a natural talent and other people kind of suck at it and I've always thought of myself as someone who really wasn't very good at giving head. I got a small mouth. Um. And as I started to unpack these things, I realized some stuff was informed by early sexual abuse where oral sex was, you know, part of the experience. And also my attitude had to shift. Mindset has to shift. I just started reading erotica a couple years ago and that's changed my relationship to giving blowjobs in a way where it's like, oh, this is all new. This is awesome. This is something I wish I had known when I was 18. So I imagine this is kind of a typical story you hear.

Dr. Alison Ash:

It's not uncommon and I think that one of the things that makes oral sex challenging for folks, whether you're giving or receiving, is that it can be a moving target. Meaning that what we enjoy today may not be the same thing that we enjoy a year from now or five years from now. Our desire, our pleasure is fluid and dynamic, and that's why having a mindset where you're prioritizing. Exploration where you're communicating verbally and non-verbally before, during, and after where you're not feeling like you have to mind read is so important because then it really creates a space for our pleasure to evolve. I often say that we can be a generous lover, not only by giving pleasure, but by helping our lovers pleasure us. And so it's this interactive, collaborative approach that I think makes all sex, not just oral sex so yummy.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

if somebody comes to you and they're like, I want to, um, I want to learn how to be better at, at oral pleasure. I want to learn how to be better at giving head to my partner. How do you walk them through that?

Dr. Alison Ash:

Well, I think that there's two or three actually main areas of focus. One is technical skill. One is the communication components, and then the other is the attitude, the way that you're relating to it. And I often say the best oral sex is when I know that my lover is loving it. Like, if they're worshipping my pussy and they want to give me as much pleasure, not in a way where I feel pressure to have an experience so they feel good about it. But more so where they're just loving it and enjoying it and I don't have to worry about their experience and I get that feeling of feeling like my body is being worshipped. Oh, then I can get out of my head and just enjoy and let myself be, um, celebrated in that way. And I know for me when I'm giving oral sex to somebody else. I can access that part of me that is worshiping their body and their pleasure and feeling empowered. It's going to be a much more pleasurable experience for me. And for them.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah. So, like, someone's attitude really, really matters. As the giver, it's enjoying the experience as much as you're hoping your partner is enjoying the experience. Like, really coming with, um, some enthusiasm. And I know that that's always, I think there's a real connection to having better oral sex and the person who's providing it is doing it because they're getting pleasure from it. Having that loop, that exchange that they're enjoying what they're doing helps you relax in your body, helps you feel less nervous. And I think also takes some of the pressure off. If I know my partner is pleasuring me because they love it, then I'm less worried about whether or not I climax. A climax or I don't, but we're sharing in the pleasure together and it's not like he's going to, or she's going to, or they are going to, um, have, have, like, I don't like the feeling of agenda. If your agenda is that I have to come in order to give this to me, then it, it takes something away from the joy of what's possible. It feels like a weight instead of a freedom.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Yeah, exactly. if there's pressure on either side as the receiver or as the giver, then, you know, in, in any sort of sexuality, but, you know, especially in this, in cunnilingus and in giving a blow job. Um, I'm curious about techniques. I want to hear some tips and tools. I'm sure our audience would love to hear some tips and tools. So what are some, what are some good cunnilingus techniques and what are some good blowjob techniques for our audience?

Leah | SxR Host:

Before you jump into techniques, Willow just, you know, use the language. We've got fellatio, we've got cunnilingus. What's your opinion on language when it comes to oral sex?

Dr. Alison Ash:

I think with regards to language around oral sex and language around genitals, there's so much individual variation around what people like. What makes them feel hot and sexy or what makes them feel degraded or, um, clinical. And so, we might use the word, uh, going down on somebody, or giving head, or oral sex, or eating me out, or even words like cunnilingus and fellatio, and I think, and same thing with genitals, right? I teach a workshop called How to Eat Pussy Like a Champ. And one of the things that I do in the beginning of this workshop is I go through a list of probably 25 to 30 different names for pussies. And I just let people listen to the whole list and feel like what makes them laugh? What makes them feel hot and horny? What makes them feel gross and want to close their legs? And to have these conversations with your partners about what terms do it for you. And I think this is especially important for queer and trans folks. But everybody, even cis hetero folks, I think would really benefit from sharing this word really makes me feel hot and this word makes me feel like I'm 18 again and having non pleasurable experiences with those guys that took advantage of me in high school, or whatever it may be.

Leah | SxR Host:

Okay, cool. So some are, what are some of those tips that, that Dr. Willow was asking about? What, um, what would you say are like some of your top favorite ones?

Dr. Alison Ash:

Well, I think with regards to cunnilingus, there's a few things. One is when you're using your tongue, you can create very different sensations if your tongue is pointy versus flat.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yes.

Dr. Alison Ash:

A pointy tongue is going to be more intense. A flat tongue is going to feel more soothing. And this is one of the things that some people will have some preference of pointy versus flat. And then also whether or not you're Uh, doing your motion on the top of the hood or underneath the hood. Pulling back the hood to expose the clitoris. And some people really like direct clitoral stimulation and other people find that that's way too intense and overwhelming and they want that kind of stimulation to happen on top of their hood. And a technique I really love to give folks, uh, with really any sex, but certainly oral sex is a great arena to try it out. Is the this or that game. And you can... Do, for example, if you're going to try the difference between, uh, a pointy tongue and a flat tongue and one of the tongue movements I teach in my workshop is called, I call it the kitty milk lap, which is a flat, um, or a wide tongue like this. And again, you can do that either flat or pointy. And so with the this or that game, you would do a flat version and you say, do you like it like this? And then you do the pointy version, or do you like it like that? And the reality is, is that if you ask somebody, what do you like? That can feel overwhelming and too broad. And sometimes you get the deer in the headlights look and people don't know what to say. But if you give a... a choice, an option. People are are a lot more equipped to say this or that and simply having to discern between this or that helps people get into their body to notice how the sensation is different and then they get to make a choice which is very empowering.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

I love that. Yeah. So

Leah | SxR Host:

Love it. Yes. Okay. So just for review: cunnilingus, that is what would be honoring, in Tantra we use the word honoring, we would honor someone with one's mouth on the vulva. We talked about pointy tongue versus flat tongue, and communication style would be this or that, giving someone an option for answers, so it's not just an open ended question, which may leave them, um, stuck. It's like, I don't know what I like yet. This is about discovery. And of course, knowing that to experiment with this, not just once, but in a partnership, in a relationship, and certainly with different partners, you're going to change your mind over different seasons in your life. So this or that is such a great technique to remember when communicating about most things sensual in terms of what you prefer, what you like, what's happening.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

And for most women as well, their sensations are going to change as their cycle changes. If they're still in their fertility years they're going to have more sensation, they're going to have more sensitivity, you know, right before they start their period versus and when they're, in their ovulation phase. So they might need less pointiness at that time and they might need more flat at that time. And then also we've got the arousal scale. So when you're paying attention, when you're tuning in, I think bringing presence is the most important piece. So like having all your attention, all your consciousness between your tongue and their pussy is really where you want your consciousness to be. But also keeping in mind like they might be at a point in their cycle where too much stimulation to the clitoral head is just going to be overwhelming for their nervous system. Or they might not be aroused enough at that point in your sexual journey that day that they can handle that more pinpointed sensation. So tuning into all of that and I guess, Dr. Aly, how would you, um, guide people in, in discerning that? You know, reading their partner and where their partner's at, both in life cycle and a month cycle, and then also in that moment?

Dr. Alison Ash:

I think this is such a great point. And one of the things that's so important for quality oral sex is thorough warm up and teasing and foreplay. When we're thinking about cunnilingus, the clitoris, most of the clitoris is actually internal. The average clitoris is about six inches long. Only a small part of that extends and protrudes outside of the body. Most of that is internal and it wraps around the vaginal canal. And so in order to create the most pleasure you want to turn on the brain, turn on the entire body, get the blood flowing to that region of the and what happens is that blood starts to pulsate on the internal clitoris. I don't know if you've ever had that aching, feeling. I call it female blue balls. I'm like, oh, I just need to get fucked. Like I'm aching there. That's because the blood is rushing in that part of your body and massaging and stimulating the internal clitoris. And so, you know, if any massage therapists out there listening, you know, the best way to create blood flow is through massaging. And so massaging the thighs and playing with the lips. I think the, the lips of the vulva are so underrated and underutilized and they're such a great way to stimulate and create pleasure. And massaging the ass, all of this creates a lot of blood flow. And I think that it's not just where somebody's at in their cycle or where they're at in their, in their lifespan. It's also how much have you given that body the opportunity to warm up, to feel ready for mouth on vulva or hands in vaginas or whatever else it may be. We can also talk about fellatio, of course, but how are we preparing the body and the mind and the connection because all of that's intimacy building. Um, and that's going to really change what somebody is ready for. If somebody feels like penetration is painful, it's probably because there hasn't been enough warm up. Lubrication, self lubrication comes from blood rushing to the pussy and then blood plasma seeps through the vaginal walls and prepares the vagina for penetration. And of course we can supplement with lube, but if there's not enough warm up and stimulation, then that's going to feel painful instead of pleasurable.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah, And so what would you advise in terms of having someone warm up a body before they start to move towards the vulva and starting to stimulate the vulva? Are there things that you recommend regarding how to warm up that body and how much time someone should take to warm up that body before you decide to go down with your mouth?

Dr. Alison Ash:

I think that's also so variable. It depends on how turned on a person is, how much warm up they like to have. Often, oftentimes it also depends on like how much you've been planting seeds and watering those seeds throughout the day or week or whatever else it's been. Um, if somebody's had a really long day and they're stuck in their head or in mom role or else it may be it's going to be. It's going to require a lot more time and attention than if they're like already hot and turned on because you were just watching some erotica together or whatever else it may be. Um, and that's where the communication piece comes in, but I certainly think warming up, um, the neck is a great erogenous zone. Playing with the breasts. If, if that feels good again, for some people, particularly I think moms, uh, that might not be a homogenous stone for them anymore. And so checking in around that. Um, I often like to really play with that area where the, the thigh and the butt and the vulva all meet that wonderful sweet little crevice. Mm-hmm. um, the ass is a great place. I like biting asses. Um, but biting, grabbing, spanking, whatever it is that, that you enjoy. Um, and you know, the reality is, is that you can just use your hands, a combination between light, soft feather touch, and then really juicy grabs. And I think a yummy grab is something that's more like an accordion, where you're grabbing and you slowly get tighter and tighter until you feel them kind of like, Uh, release, and then you slowly let go, rather than, I mean, sometimes you might want rough sex and it's more of a rough quick grab, but in terms of preparing the body and the nervous system for pleasure, we want to think about creating diversity of sensation and doing it in a way where you're able to gather data about what's working, and if you're doing it at a pace that's too quick, you're not going to be able to know. What's working for them and what's not working for them.

Leah | SxR Host:

I think that's great advice. I think also like paying attention to the curves of the body, like the curve of the hip, the curve of the side boob, the curve of the neck, the curve of behind the knee, the curve of the outer thigh, the curve of the inner thigh. There's something about bringing your, erotic attention. Like I really like it when a partner is with intention in a sexy way holding my hip versus holding my hip to give me comfort. Like there's a vibration that feels really different when I know they're kind of squeezing, holding, and grabbing. Kind of think of it as like a compressive touch where it's like I feel contained in that moment and if I feel part of they're erotic energy coming from their hand that lights me up a little bit. So there's something about someone being intentional with their touch. And I think for a lot of, um, female identifying bodies, sometimes we feel like we're being grabbed. It's like, I don't mind if you're touching me for you, but just remember I'm here too. You know, don't like bring sort of that extra awareness so that my desire is building and catching up to your desire. If my partner's desire tends to run a little faster than my own. and I think this is another good this or that opportunity. I know for me I'm more of an energy person, so if someone comes into my energy too fast, I kind of, I have a way of shrinking back. Where if they come close And then with like, a depth of like, sexy awareness, they just kind of hover real close. Then I respond to that versus someone coming in and starting to do things too fast. And I know there's people that have, are like, sick of waiting. You're trying to build anticipation. It's not working for me. Would you get the job going? Can we get this started? So there's this or that in finding out how fast you want someone to lean in to touching you in your primary erogenous zones. How much does your arousal depend on, you know, the number of sexy messages you got this morning leading up to tonight? And I think that's another, I think you mentioned it earlier, it's some of those cues. Sometimes getting turned on, you know, starts with a text message or starts with a phone call, um, starts with a suggestion. My husband today, God, we're so Do I even have my phone with me? I don't think I do, but it was so sweet. He sent me the sexiest text and something about like bending me over and, and, and giving me a good spanking, something along those lines. I can't wait for that man to get home. So I think knowing how to plant suggestions could help us feel more turned on more of the time and I imagine you see a lot of couples who struggle with routine kind of boring numbed out sex. Where have you seen the biggest breakthroughs for them?

Dr. Alison Ash:

Yeah, I work with a lot of couples where the sex either feels boring and routine or I think what's even more common is that because the sex starts to get boring and routine it starts to feel obligatory and like a chore and then they start to have less sex overall and they lose the spark. And in fact, I teach a whole month long course for couples called Sustainable Intimacy Reignite the Flame for the Long Game because this is something that so many people come to me and need support around. And I think part of it is looking at what are the intimacy blockers? What are the things that get in the way of you having intimacy? Could be things like getting stuck in your head, experiencing pressure, fighting and bickering. Um, you know, obviously that list just goes on and on. And then what are the tools that are going to help you find your way back to intimacy? And one of the things I really like to work with my clients around is what I like to call scaffolding structures. So what are the steps that you can take to get from no sex or really boring, predictable Routine sex to the kind of sex that you want to have and so that might look like exploring Sensory based pleasure and then moving into more sensual pleasure and then moving into more sexual pleasure. That's a common scaffolding structure that really works well for people. Another thing that can be really helpful is thinking about ways to mix it up and to shake up those routines so with regards to oral sex that might include different positions, or incorporating toys. Or using erotica, um, watching it or reading it to each other as either a way to gather more ideas or just as a way to spice things up. Um, it might include doing it in front of mirrors, uh, that can be really hot and create a different experience.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yes, we had, uh, we just interviewed, um, an erotica writer who, uh, does audio programs for people to turn them on. And she had a really great suggestion, which was, um, listening to porn, putting the porn on, but just listening to it instead of watching it and seeing how that kind of opens up the sensory experience. When it comes to fellatio, I'm really curious, with the percentage of people that you see how many of them are just like dying to be touched more, dying to be handled more, not just their genitals being touched, but their whole body being touched?

Dr. Alison Ash:

Well, I think with couples that I work with, sometimes it's feeling touch deprived, or maybe not even necessarily touch, but wanting a partner to initiate and be the pursuer more. Um, and also sometimes I work with people with penises where they just have a hard time receiving. And it doesn't, that doesn't work for them and they actually don't like oral sex or they don't know how to ask for what they want either. I mean, that can be a dynamic that trans, transgresses all really all gender dynamics, of course. Um, with regards to oral sex for men, or for people with penises, I think that one of the big factors is, uh, how to feel like they're in control while not having their partner feel disempowered.

Leah | SxR Host:

Hmm.

Dr. Alison Ash:

A lot of people with penises want to feel dominating, or aggressive, or like face fucking, or deep throating, and then their partner feels, um, uh, disempowered, or... worrying about their gag reflex or feeling like maybe it pings upon traumatic experiences they've had. And so figuring out how to unpack that so that both people can enjoy a wider range of oral sex experiences.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah. so let's say you have, um, a partner that uh, their experience of giving oral sex, their belief system, their conditioning has a storyline that feels like they feel objectified. Or they've had experiences where, um, their partner just grabbed their head and took over and took control and that started to feel scary. And then you have the other partner who just would love to just fall into it and have this experience more and can't really let go because they're afraid of triggering their partner over and over again. What's a good starting place for them? How do you start to move towards each other when you have that kind of dynamic?

Dr. Alison Ash:

This is another situation where having a scaffolding structure is so helpful, right? How do you get from here to there? Setting yourself up for experiences of small wins. They increase safety and trust and allow you to gather more data about what works and what doesn't work rather than going all the way to the to the intensity and to the extreme and then causing more disconnection or traumatic experiences or something like that. So one thing that I think can be really helpful is to have the person who's giving fellatio be in the director or control role. For example if you want to explore face fucking which is essentially a substitute vagina, right? And they're just kind of penetrating the mouth. Um, a thing that could be a really good first step is to have the person who's giving the oral sex um, hold the hips of the person with the penis and rather than the person with the penis controlling the penetration, the person who's giving the oral sex is moving the hips in and out and controlling the pace and the, um, and the intensity. Another option is to have the giver of oral sex use their hands around the base of the cock and that's preventing how deep you're going to be face fucked. And over time, as you get more comfortable with it you can use less fingers. So maybe initially you're using the whole hand, and then you're using three fingers, and then two fingers, and then one finger. Um, so that you are, Whether that's in one sexual encounter or throughout a series of sexual encounters, increasing your comfort level with receiving more, uh, penetration in your mouth. And then I think the other thing that's important to talk about is gag reflex. Because a lot of people have that and then that can feel scary or, um, like something they want to avoid. And the reality is a lot of people with penises love it when the receivers gag. That's hot for them. And so that's something to talk about. Um, because, you know, it's like, do you, do you hate gagging? Do you, do you not mind it? But you're worried that they don't like it, right? There's a whole conversation there to be had.

Leah | SxR Host:

Right, right. Not to mention like the comic relief that kind of comes with it at times. You know, if you're not feeling scared, that is. Then it's like, you know, when this happens between me and my husband, we just both crack up and then we have to take a break because we're laughing so hard. And then we go at it again. And then if it happens again, we're just laughing. And for me, that's like, okay, we're having joy, you know?

Dr. Alison Ash:

Yeah, I mean, I think laughing during sex is a wonderful thing. Um, you know, I know some people feel that that means something's wrong or uncomfortable, but I think it's release tension and just, you know, laughter is a really great way to co regulate and to bond emotionally with your partner.

Leah | SxR Host:

yeah. And there's a difference between, like, laughing at and laughing with.

Dr. Alison Ash:

Exactly hmm. If you want to work on your gag reflex, I'll just add that you can Practice and train your mouth, train your gag reflex so that it gets less sensitive over time. And one technique that you can do is you can use a toothbrush and start to brush the back of your mouth. And don't go so far back that you're already gagging really intensely. Find that edge between where you can tolerate it. Actually the tongue, the back of the mouth of the tongue. And, um, and find that area where you can just tolerate it without gagging and brush it back and forth for maybe 15 20 seconds. And over time, you'll find that you can go deeper into the back of your mouth, and it might take a month or so, but if you do it every day, you're, you're training your mouth that you can receive stimulation back there and that you don't have to gag.

Leah | SxR Host:

And can you describe for the audience, for those who don't know, what, what is it that is so sexy? Why is it so appealing and compelling for a penis owner to want to get that cock further down the throat? can you share a little bit about, uh, for those of, those people who just don't get it, why it might be delicious?

Dr. Alison Ash:

I think that there's both a physiological and an emotional element there, right? From the physiological sensations perspective, it just feels good to have more sensation, more coverage on the cock. And to feel like you are, um, filling somebody up can be really hot sense from a sensation perspective. Um, from a more emotional or psychological perspective it can feel Dominating. It can feel like your partner is submitting to you, um, that they want to take all of you, that they can't have enough of you, and that can feel really good as well.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah, and so even coming from the spirit of that, even if you aren't at a place with your gag reflexes that you can receive someone that deep in your mouth to come with sort of a devotional attitude of, God, I want to take all of you. And I think there's something really healing about receiving someone and especially in our mouth to say, I adore you, I revere you, I, you are so awesome, beautiful, amazing to me, whatever the adjective is, that shares this moment of I, I, receive you fully. And I think from my background being more of the Tantric realm, there's this thing with the eyes. Where you can really show someone that devotion. And you can also come into this experience of submission of just going, you know, I want all that I can have. I want to, I want all that I can possibly take. And I may not be able to get you all the way down my throat, but boy I would love to if I could, maybe sometime in the future, but the attitude of that, I think can be tremendously healing.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

there's something too that's so, um, powerful that opens up the whole Shashumna channel, that central column of light that all of your chakras come off of. So when you are actually able to open up the back of the throat, and bring the, the glans of the penis, the head of the cock way back into the very back of the throat. You actually can't breathe. So you can't inhale and exhale anymore. So there's also this, um, experience in you where it's like your, your system is in a state of pause. I almost liken it to like being underwater, you know, swimming underwater. It's quiet. There's this pause. And so there's this pause in your nervous system, which can open up your whole central column that Shashumna channel. And if you happen to be getting, you know, finger fucked at the same time, or you've got a Dildo going at the same time and you can get all the way up to the cervix, then you've got the top of the shishumna channel and the bottom of the shishumna channel both ignited and it can feel just like an absolute rod of light inside of your body. Which can blow open any blockages that you're experiencing in any of your chakras. And to get to that point, you know, you gotta have a lot of foreplay, a lot of warmup, and you gotta have the position just right. And I think one of the things that we don't remember when we're in the throes of sexuality is that we can pause our situation and be like, wait, this isn't the right position for what I'm going for here. Like, I need you to be at the level of this bed. So you go stand over there, bend your knees a little bit. And like, let's reconfigure. I need a few more pillows under my hips and up above my head. And, you know, like, all of that is fair game to like pause and reorient your body so that you can actually open up these places inside of you in a comfortable way because if you're not comfortable. If you're not feeling good then the other person isn't going to be feeling as good. and as a giver of fellatio or cunnilingus or, or any kind of sexual energy that you're giving, um, you want to make sure that your body is in a comfortable position so that you're transmitting ease and presence to that person's body.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah, so Dr. Willow just came up with really great points. We've got stillness, you know, taking a pause, taking a break, having a breath, adjusting your position. Then we have positions. Finding the positions that's gonna be the most comfortable for you so you've got the, the best angles so that you can sit down, hang out for a while, don't make this a snack, make it a meal. And then we have the receiver's pleasure. And the receiver's ability to also find giving to be very orgasmic. So um, Dr. Ali, a couple questions to throw at you in regards to all of that is positions. do you have any tips on positions? And then also the phenomenon of the giver feeling orgasmic while giving oral sex.

Dr. Alison Ash:

With regards to positions, I think that there are two factors most people are wanting to consider. One is what is hot? And the other is, what is ergonomic? And we're looking for the intersection between the two.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

The intersection between hot and ergonomic

Dr. Alison Ash:

Right? Because if something is not ergonomic, it's not going to be sustainable. The

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Totally.

Dr. Alison Ash:

As somebody who's navigated lifelong chronic pain, I am all about ergonomic sex. Right. Um, so with regards to fellatio, I think one thing that can be really helpful if you have neck pain actually is face fucking because then your neck is doing less of the movement and you're actually using their body to do more of the penetration. I also think regardless whether or not it's fellatio or cunnilingus, if you're having to support the weight of your head and your neck the entire time, that can make it really hard. And so one thing that I really like doing is, um, being on our sides a little bit and having a pillow underneath the head. And then, um, you can move your, your head a little bit less intensely or you can move their body into you a little bit more. And if you are the receiver of cunnilingus and your partner has a beard and it's Scratchy on your thigh. A simple quick trick is just take the sheet and put the sheet underneath their face between their beard and your thigh and that can really help them use your thigh as a pillow without it creating some uncomfortable sensations that you're having to try and navigate while also feeling pleasure.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

I'm curious how how often you come across people who are, who are stuck in shame around the smell of their genitals or the taste of their genitals. I mean, is that a big one for people? I would imagine it is.

Dr. Alison Ash:

And part of that is because if we think about how society frames that, I remember in middle and high school, Um, guys talking about pussies smelling like fish or just like the way that it was talked about culturally creates a lot of paranoia and insecurity and shame and fear for people. And also I think that there are some biological things if you have a bacterial infection or an STI that can create odors. And so if you're really self conscious about it, go see a doctor. I do not recommend douching with uh, like perfumed, uh, washes because that can actually exacerbate the issue and cause all sorts of problems. And then part of it is to realize that genitals have their own particular distinct smell.And a lot of people think that's hot, right? Um, you know, my partner is like, oh, put it all over my face. I just want to smell you on me. Like they get really into it. And sometimes it's also about chemistry and fit, right? One person might really like somebody's odor and another person might find that it's like not really their thing. And that doesn't mean that anything is wrong with your body or the way that you smell. It's sometimes just about a chemistry component. And so. You know, I think if you're insecure, washing, taking a hot shower together, bathing each other before you have an experience can really help it and support it. And then also, you know, we talked in the beginning about worshipping somebody's genitals. You can do that not only by giving, adoring, loving, thorough pleasure, but by affirming it. Telling the person how hot they are, how yummy they taste, how good they smell. We need to have messages that contradict what society tells us about genitals being gross. We need to get conflicting messages that say your genitals are sexy, amazing, delicious, and yummy to start to unwind some of that negative pattern.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah. Oh my gosh, that's such an important point to make. Genitals love praise. They love to be told what they look like, what they smell like, how beautiful and thick and interesting and the color variety and, and even if the person who has those genitals has a hard time receiving it. My experience has been... Their genitals have no problem receiving it and they will actually respond. I have watched both penises and vulvas get more plump and by lavishing words on them. I call it a word bath. You give them a word bath and the, and the person at the top of the body might be going, but the genitals are like, I'm happy, I'm expanding, I totally hear you and I love this adoration. So if you've never described someone's genitals to them, would you try that tonight everybody? Would you just go ahead and give it the old test drive, devote your body to science, and you'll see just how, um, how sweet and special and loving it can really be. Even if it's dirty. I mean, I think there's also the whole dirty talk and being able to find your comfort with that, which I think a lot of people often don't know how to do it. They long for it, but they don't really know how to do it from a place that's in their body.

Dr. Alison Ash:

Hmm, well said, I couldn't agree more.

Leah | SxR Host:

Is there any tips or tools you have for helping people get a little more comfortable with dirty talk, especially in the relationship of oral sex?

Dr. Alison Ash:

I think with regards to dirty talk, a lot of people assume that it needs to be vulgar. And I think dirty talk is more about saying what you want to do to somebody or what you want them to do to you, what you think is hot about them, how it impacts you when you are looking at them or tasting them or feeling them. Uh, the devils in the details, be specific, use sensory based language, be descriptive, and share impact. Share about how you feel or how you want them to feel.

Leah | SxR Host:

Love it. Love it. Great. If you guys want to hear more about sort of the difference between pillow talk and dirty talk and how to blend the two, be sure to check out that episode. We'll have it in the show notes. Um, so back to, uh, you were starting to share, we were talking about positions and we were talking about the pauses and there was one other thing I wanted to circle back to. Oh, orgasmic experiences for the

giver

Leah | SxR Host:

Like, can you share a like tips or just like the phenomenon of how that happens, and and how can we have more experiences that feel highly pleasurable, highly orgasmic while being the giver of oral sex?

Dr. Alison Ash:

I think that when people are giving, oftentimes they're giving pleasure for the other person's experience. Like, I'm going to try and figure you out and see what you like the most and treat you like some equation where I have to figure out all the right ingredients in the right proportions. And that can be a very heady, analytical, pressure inducing way to relate. Yeah, to relate to giving pleasure. I often work with my clients to help them learn how to, um, give touch for their own pleasure. Connecting with your own sense of curiosity. What do you feel compelled to do? Can you connect with how the sensations feel on your hands, in your mouth, your tongue. And the emotional experience like, feeling like you're connected and close and, um, enjoying their pleasure and how hot their pleasure is. Not just because you're doing a good job, but because it feels good to you in your own body. And it's staying rooted and connected with embodied pleasure as you're giving pleasure and allowing, it's not saying ignore consent, only do what you like, who cares what they like. But rather than trying to figure them out first and then seeing if you could possibly enjoy it, centering your own experience as the giver and attuning and calibrating and adjusting so that you're still um, giving them what they want, but you're not forgetting what it is that you're enjoying.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

I think that's so powerful. Yeah.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah, I think that's I think that's, really good advice. It was actually one of the things that started to to heal giving oral sex for me a little bit was going, okay, what if I treated, what if I made love to this cock with my mouth for my own pleasure? And it's testing to see how my partner experienced that versus sort of the uncompetent ways I felt in the past. If I, if I massaged my inner cheeks, if I really like massaged the back of my throat, massaged my tongue, felt it at the top of the palate and really meditated, treated it like a meditation of like, how alive can I make my mouth feel with this incredible part of their body? And I think again, there's a little bit of a, um, a mindset shift of I'm not just going to do this because I'm expected to. Or I need to be impressive. I think that was another thing that you were kind of leading into before. It's if you're trying to impress someone um, that's not always... I mean, maybe you're really good and you're already impressive. That's fine. But if your ego is all about here, I'm going to be the best at this. I'm going to figure them out. I'm going to type this all out. It is, it can very much become analytical and people can get stuck in their head. And then they're doing techniques in a row versus really being in their experience with all of their senses.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

You know, one of the things that I love to play with in addition to, um, in addition to, you know, what you're talking about, making your, your mouth alive. It's like, there's so much more around your mouth, like you've got your cheeks, your nose, your face. I mean, you can really give yourself a whole facial with somebody's lingam, and it's really, it feels so good just to rub it all around your face. And also when you're giving cunnilingus just to like, really just like, bury yourself in somebody's essence because sexual energy is, is essence. You know, and essence is what we are at our core. So there's this opportunity, I think when we can really let go into oral pleasure, where we can really let go of our ego, we can really let go of our persona. And who we think we are. And I'm a woman, I'm. I have this and I have, you know, I have these things in my life and we can let go of all of that and actually just be, um, witnessed in our essence. Which brings that, that level of true sovereign self more forward in everything we do in our lives. So it's really powerful practice.

Leah | SxR Host:

With these couple of minutes that we have left, I'm curious the advice you have for someone whose partner loves to receive cunnilingus, like it's their jam, it is like one of their key buttons to getting them warmed up for penetrative sex, for, you know, feeling everything they want to feel sexually, and they've got a partner who has a real block to it. I know you mentioned the scaffolding is there a scaffolding, you know, thought process that comes along with that to support the partner who's resistant to give it? To kind of start to move towards it in a way that's like authentic versus you have to do this, you know, otherwise I'm just going to be miserable sexually with you forever.

Dr. Alison Ash:

When I'm working with folks in this kind of dynamic, I really want to explore with the giver what the resistance is about. Sometimes it's about feeling like they don't know what they're doing, and so then giving them skills and techniques and helping them feel more capable is the solution. Sometimes it's around having a traumatic experience giving. And so unpacking that and helping them move through that experience. Sometimes it's around, um, taste and, and smell. And so then it's about helping the two of them think about ways that they can shower, other things that they doing it in the bath, places where they can do it, where that feels like less of a an abrasive dynamic. And helping them just get used to it a little bit more. Sometimes it's about really helping them connect with how much their partner enjoys it and even if they don't love it can they really drop into how much they love their partner feeling good. And do it as you were saying devotionally because they're really wanting to help their partner have a particular kind of experience. And so it's a lot of unpacking the resistance. I never want to push through resistance because there's information that resistance has to offer. So we want to unpack it, see what's there, and how we can work with it in a way that's creating empathy and acceptance and support and that often creates the space for movement.

Leah | SxR Host:

Do you find when working with a couple in that dynamic, it's that it's better to work with them individually to process some of this out or, um, or do you still like to keep them together for some of that unpacking?

Dr. Alison Ash:

when I'm working with couples, I'm doing a combination of individual and couple sessions, regardless of what the topic is that the couple is coming to me for. Because I think there's a lot of material that actually is much easier and feels more supportive and maybe safer to work on in a one on one dynamic. Something like oral sex, if I can work with one partner in a one on one dynamic, and then they bring all of that insight and knowledge and excitement and enthusiasm to the dynamic with their partner that can feel so good and sometimes in some dynamics one partner feels like they've been stuck in this like teacher or therapist role and that can burn them out and so having somebody else take that over for a little bit can feel like a big relief.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

I bet that's really supportive and helpful.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah, that's, that's really insightful.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

So tell us about, um, the, the two courses that you have coming up.

Dr. Alison Ash:

I have one called Sustainable Intimacy, Reignite the Flame for the Long Game. This is for couples who are finding that they're not having the quality or quantity of intimacy that they're wanting. And we give really practical, experiential tools and practices that help you overcome your intimacy blockers figure out how to reignite the spark really to keep a sustainable. Practices that will work for a long term relationship for the long run, not just a momentary boost of pleasure. We offer it live, it's a 4 part course, but we will also have it on demand. So if you're listening to this in the future, you can still find it on my website at www.turnon.Love. And then in January through March, I teach an eight week long course called Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills. It's also a course that I teach at Stanford university, but I love taking it out of the confines of academia and offering it to the masses at large. And this is a wonderful course for individuals or couples. So they can learn a lot of the fundamental skills that are so important for having healthy and nourishing intimacy. So things like, um, boundaries, expressing needs, how to get out of your head and be more embodied, nervous system regulation, um, how to enjoy giving and receiving more pleasure, increasing your capacity for pleasure, exploring erotica and fantasies and navigating conflict. I mean, the list just goes on. Uh, you can find out about that on my website as well. I have a discount code for listeners, uh, LOVESEX. We'll give you 100 off the live offerings of either of these courses. And then I'll also just put out there, I teach a workshop called How to Eat Pussy Like a Champ. If you happen to be in the Bay Area, it's going to be live in November in Oakland, but I also have an on demand offering of the course. If you go to www.turnon.love/workshops, you can see a wide range of on demand workshops that you can access. From home at any time. And then last but not least, feel free to reach out for a consultation if you want to explore working with me in a coaching dynamic.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Love it. So fantastic.

Leah | SxR Host:

Great, That's awesome. Thank you so much for being here. You've brought so much to the table. One quick question regarding the courses. Um, when your courses are they online when you say live, or are they actually come to you?

Dr. Alison Ash:

Great question. Uh, live I mean that there's live instruction so it's not just pre recorded. Uh, the sustainable intimacy and sexual emotional intimacy skills are both virtual courses. I do also do in person teaching in the East Bay in San Fransico. Eating Pussy like a champ is an in person workshop. Uh, but I do also have an on demand version of that, which means it's virtual, but it's pre recorded.

Leah | SxR Host:

Okay. So if you're in California, be sure to check out Dr. Alison in person for some of these courses, but hey, you don't have to be in California to learn from her. So, um, thank you so much. We'll have all these links, including the coupon code, in the show notes. So, check them

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Thank you, Dr. Ali. It's such a pleasure to be with you. We'll see you all soon.

Dr. Alison Ash:

Thanks for having me. I really enjoyed talking with the two of you.

Leah | SxR Host:

And that's going to be a wrap. Yeah, love, love, love, love, love.

SxR Announcer:

Now, our favorite part, the dish.

Leah | SxR Host:

Dr. Allison Ashe, it's time to dish on her and the episode. What are you thinking, Dr. Willow?

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

I thought she was just so wonderful. You know, I love that she teaches at, um, college that I can't think of the name of right now. Stanford! Yes! How very, very cool that that kind of information is getting out to Stanford. And she speaks so, so plainly and so simply and so eloquently to giving cunnilingus fellatio, I thought that was great.

Leah | SxR Host:

I did too. I think she had some really great, um, advice. You know, I really, uh, doing the this or that, I think especially for the female brain is so helpful than having an open ended question regarding, um, What's your preferences? Uh, what to lean into more. Um, you know, when we were talking about cunnilingus and, you know, flat tongue, pointy tongue, I gotta say, girl, I do not like a pointy tongue. You can leave that pointy tongue at home.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Depends for me on how aroused I am.

Leah | SxR Host:

Oh, okay. So do you like it more pointy, uh,

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

later

Leah | SxR Host:

little later in your arousal.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

When I'm more aroused, clearly. Yeah,

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah, higher arousal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Although I have to say, I don't often know what they're doing down there. you know, I don't know, if they're pointy or flat. I just, it feels good or I redirect them and then it feels good when I redirect them.

Leah | SxR Host:

That is so interesting because I immediately know if it's pointy or flat. I think I'm really picky which is why I haven't always enjoyed oral sex is I can be very particular. I'm like flat mouth and more energetic skill set. Like I'd like to start with panties on and feel like the heat of breath and coming underneath the panties, like, sort of playing out the whole forbidden thing. Um,

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Yoni's like warmth.

Leah | SxR Host:

Warmth, yes. Um, yeah, and I just kind of like the idea of someone's trying to get into my pants. But they haven't fully, uh, gotten there yet, so then the underwear is like a slow peeling off. Versus just like, okay, face in, we're going at it. I need like a really slow, uh, what's the word, like, I need a slow approach. Um, I like a lot of face rubbing at the lower belly, at the inner thighs, like just don't go straight for the pussy. It is my personal preference.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Yeah, I mean, I think that's true for so many women and um, and yet they don't have the language for it. And if they do have the language for it, it can come out sort of critical to their partner's ears. And I think that, you know, that's one of the things we maybe didn't touch on so much, which maybe we could just touch on here a little bit more is how to um, talk to your partner about doing it differently. I mean, there's always the positive sandwich where it's like, hmm, that feels really good and can you go a little lighter or can you go a little bit more to the left or to the right? I mean, you can really make directing your partner part of the foreplay, part of the sexiness, part of the game. But it requires, I think, really being in your body and, and being able to access your own sensation so that you actually can feel like, instead of saying, Oh, that's too, that's too much of a pointy tongue, or that's too sharp, or that's too direct of pressure. You might want to say something like, I love that you're going down on me right now. And you know, I would love it if you lightened your touch about 75 percent and pulled your whole head back like about 3 inches so you're barely, barely touching my clitoris, but I can feel your breath on it or, you know, just giving them more specific direction and guidance. And, for men too, where, um, where like if a woman's going down on you and you're like, okay, she's, you know, at least she's trying. maybe you've been in the partnership with her for a long time and you know, you're finally getting a blow job yet it's dissatisfying. How do you, um, give her the, the message and the language in a way that doesn't just shut her down for another, you know, five months cause you've waited five months already for this BJ.

Leah | SxR Host:

Right, right. Cause you know, especially when you're already sensitive and you don't have a lot of confidence and you feel like you always do everything wrong and you can't get it right. And I mean, there's such a spiral of fear and self consciousness that arises when you don't feel like you're great at a skillset and like oral sex. And so you really do have to be mindful in terms of how you direct your preferences. And there's something about like someone directing traffic with a really irritated voice. Like that is just, you're aiming for a disaster. So I think the whole positive sandwich is really good advice. Also, I think blending in words with sounds. You know, like if it's really important that we affirm our partner. You know, so when you get into it, like also get in, use your hips, like show signals. I'm always kind of using my body to guide my partner's attention. Um, and, and that takes some practice also takes a little bit, you know, got to get over some of the self consciousness in order to To feel like you can move and not just lay still. I think sometimes people act like a biology frog, they're just waiting to get it over with instead of, you know, remembering that this is something they get to enjoy too.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

A biology frog. Oh my god, next time I have someone going down on me, I'm gonna have the image of a fucking biology frog. Thanks a lot, Leah.

Leah | SxR Host:

Well, Hey, you ribbit.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Ribbit.

Leah | SxR Host:

Um, I don't know. You know, back to the pointy tongue thing, because I think I'm just like, um, hooked into it. So, you know how, um, I read all these books, and there's always all these oral sex scenes, and it's actually kind of been great, because now I do want someone to fuck my face, and I've never wanted anyone to fuck my face, but I have a whole new appreciation for face fucking. Um, but... in the oral sex scenes for cunnilingus for women receiving. It's always this like pointy tongue penetrating their vagina and You know, I need to like get back into the lab and go how do I feel about someone trying to penetrate me with their tongue. I don't think I've ever liked that. Do you have a feeling or a memory or connection to that technique?

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

maybe it just, you haven't been, perhaps you haven't been warmed up enough or it hasn't felt like you haven't quite had the right, um, penetration at the right time and at the right moment, but yeah, I mean, I've enjoyed it for sure, but it does require being like a certain level of arousal and

Leah | SxR Host:

But it's, Can you feel the distinction?

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Yeah, I can feel the distinction. Usually it just makes me want more penetration.

Leah | SxR Host:

like, just give me a

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Yeah, yeah. Then it's like, oh, let's go there. Let's do this.

Leah | SxR Host:

ok.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

It's

Leah | SxR Host:

feel the distinction.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

It's a lead in. And It's a it's part of the scaffolding.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yes, it's part of the peak arousal experience is when to deliver the old, uh, penetration with tongue. Um, what about for you, your journey with giving, um, fellatio?

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Oh, I'm a big fan. I'm a big

Leah | SxR Host:

how has it changed for you over the years? Or is it the same?

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Oh, that's a good question. I mean, how has it changed over the years? Yeah. I can't remember. I know like I had some experiences early on, like one time I was in the shower with a guy and actually like it was deep, we were deep throat and he was going so deep and he was more in control to the, or I was, I can't remember, but to the point where I actually threw up. Thank God we were in the shower because that was a little embarrassing. And I've had clients too that I've helped who have had that same experience, where they actually vomited. And it's, you know, on the one hand it's embarrassing, but on the other hand, it actually feels kind of good for them. Um, and I think I have been a fan of it and really enjoyed it for such a long time now that I can't remember a time where it, I didn't enjoy it. I mean, I know there was a time when I didn't like, I didn't love it the way that I love it now. Because I didn't have the sexual sovereignty that I have now. Like, I didn't see sexuality as part of my health and my vitality and my whole being. I saw sexuality the way that we all grew up seeing it as like, you have to be sexy and look right and do it right and have all this pressure on you. So I think that was when I didn't enjoy it. But once I stepped into like, you know, owning my sexuality for my own health, vitality, pleasure, enjoyment, then it just, it was always really fun for me. So I also didn't have any trauma around, um, you know, oral sex ever in my life. And I know I've worked with so many women who have. And what's so interesting because I do a lot of, um, cranial sacral work and there's a lot of cranial sacral work that can be done inside the mouth. And so I've, I've, I work with people vaginally and then I'll work with them orally inside of their mouth. Not together at the same time, although sometimes. But, um, mostly like I'll go into the mouth and start to release these, um, knots of tension and these things. And I noticed that their, their pelvic floor starts to release as well, or I'll go into the pelvic floor pelvic floor of a sudden their jaw softens and opens.

Leah | SxR Host:

Well, you know, one of the things I didn't mention in the episode, but I'd love the chance to mention it here is that we have sphincter muscles, not just the anal sphincter muscles, but we have vaginal sphincter muscles. We've got sphincter muscles in our throat and in our mouth and in our eyes. So when you relax one sphincter muscle, it relaxes all the other sphincter muscles. And I think that could be a good thing to remember when you're training your throat and your gag reflexes to relax. And I don't know if you caught this because we were having a really challenging internet reception during the episode. So sometimes Dr. Willow was weaving in and out. Did you miss the part when she was talking about using a toothbrush and the technique to help train your gag reflexes? Oh, so interesting. So she's like, take, take the brush to like the back of your tongue and then you can kind of play with just right at the edge of the gag reflex, you know, let it hang there and then you can swish the brush back and forth along the tongue, at that same angle and keep on increasing it and you'll, you'll gain better and better control of your gag reflex as a, as a, as a result. So I'm going to give that a try because I thought that was great advice.

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

yeah, that's great advice and I actually teach a um, a deep throating class as well and I think that um, even just using like your finger in the back can even be softer and, and easier than, than a toothbrush. Something that's hard and plastic can be a little foreign but something

Leah | SxR Host:

It's hard to master. It might be a

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Getting back in there. I mean, we're, we're opening this up for, for a Lingam ideally, right? So it's soft.

Leah | SxR Host:

A dildo. you might learn like, songs. Yeah, a dildo. A

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Yeah. A dildo, a dildo can work too. Um, but the softness of your own finger, plus then you have more control over it. Yeah, exactly.

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah, well happy cunnilingus and fellatio, everybody! I hope you, uh, did enjoy this episode. I think, um, Dr. Aly's really awesome. Can't wait to have her on the show again. Please, uh, give us your feedback. We love to get your comments. You know, I've been meaning to tell you, Willow, today that I've been reading all these YouTube comments lately. And it's been so fun to respond to them, and um, You just, you guys, you make our day when you, when you give us your insights from an, from an episode. Even if you can't stay for the whole show, uh, anything that just tickles your attention, we want to hear

Dr. Willow | SxR Host:

Yeah. So like us, review, give us your comments and tune in, turn on and fall in love

Leah | SxR Host:

Yeah. Love, love, love.

SxR Announcer:

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.

People on this episode

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Dr. Willow Brown

Host
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Leah Piper

Host