Leah & Dr. Willow: Enter the House of Pleasure - Overcoming Sexual Obstacles & Creating Deep Intimacy | #93

Are you ready to unlock your pleasure potential and take your intimacy to new heights? In this juicy episode, Tantric Sex Master Coach Leah Piper and Taoist Sexology Teacher Dr. Willow Brown are your guides on an exciting new adventure through the "House of Pleasure." Discover the secrets of deep intimacy, orgasmic bliss, and harnessing your sexual energy. 

WE DIVE DEEP INTO:

• Overcoming common sexual obstacles and blocks
• Mastering the art of sensual seduction
• Cultivating deeper intimacy through trust and vulnerability
• Harnessing your sexual energy responsibly

EPISODE LINKS 

• Free Gift | Choose your own SxR Adventure
• SxR #35 | Leah Piper 2.0: Sexual Shame to Sexual Freedom 

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Chapters

• 1:36 Introduction: Entering the House of Pleasure
• 3:37 Exploring the Castle of Sexual Pleasure
• 7:46 Overcoming Sexual Obstacles: Dysfunction and Intimacy Issues
• 12:42 Cultivating Presence and Sensuality in the Bedroom
• 21:45 Mastering the Art of Seduction and Energetic Responsibility
• 26:37 Navigating Vulnerability and Building Intimacy with Partners
• 27:46 Introduction: Entering the House of Pleasure
• 29:56 Mastering the Art of Seduction and Energetic Responsibility
• 30:43 Navigating Vulnerability and Building Intimacy with Partners
• 32:30 Trust, Vulnerability, and Presence: The Pillars of Intimacy
• 34:13 Overcoming Past Trauma and Embracing Vulnerability
• 36:42 Finding Orgasmic Pleasure in Daily Rituals and Routines
• 43:42 Awakening New Orgasmic Pathways for Profound Pleasure
• 50:42 Conclusion: Continuing the Journey of Sexual Mastery

Transcript

Announcer: 1:32

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get

Speaker 2: 1:39

into the show.

Leah: 1:40

Hey, today it's so exciting. We're going to be entering the house of pleasure. I'm your cohost, Leah Piper, the Tantra expert at Sex Reimagined.

Willow: 1:50

And I'm Dr. Willow Brown, your Taoist expert. This House of Pleasure is where every room awakens new desires within you. We're so excited to drop in with you about this. But first, we would love to honor one of our, uh, tribe members.

Leah: 2:06

Yes, Christine, thank you so much. She sent us such a sweet message on YouTube talking about one of our episodes that actually featured me. I was the sexpert. For, yeah. And, and if you haven't listened to it yet, it, I really open up about my journey from, from trauma to tantra and, um, share a lot of personal things, a lot of things that were kind of, you know, scary for the first time sharing online. You know, I've certainly shared a lot about my journey in online classes and I've peppered it into some of these episodes, but this was the first time I really. Talked at length about overcoming childhood sexual trauma and how Tantra led me through some of that shadow and really brought so much love and forgiveness and pleasure, uh, into my life. And so Christine said that this is such an informative video. Thank you so much for this gold and that was just, you know, and thank you Christine for, for commenting and sharing. I got so many emails and so many text messages about this episode, you know, mainly because people don't really realize just how much we are secretly managing some of the scary, shame filled stuff that happened to us, whether we were a kid or a young adult. So many of us have had some form of trauma. Three, or one out of three women, one out of four men. So bringing more awareness to all of you. Thanks for checking that out. It's episode number 80. In case you're curious and you want to go back and listen. But today we're not talking so much about trauma, although it'll likely come up in one of the rooms of pleasure, because in this adventure that Willow and I have taken ourselves on and now we want to take you on, we sort of think of the world of sexuality being this ginormous castle with thousands and thousands of rooms. And you open up these different rooms and you get to investigate different parts of yourself So, you know, we've got rooms right that have to do with kink or BDSM. We've got rooms filled with Tantra We've got rooms filled with obstacles that people are trying to overcome

Willow: 4:13

Yeah. We've got rooms filled with trauma. We've got rooms filled with heal healing, sexual healing. Remember that Marvin Gaye song that that song's always playing in that room and

Leah: 4:25

That room's got so much soul Yeah,

Willow: 4:30

there's rooms that Leah and I haven't even discovered yet. So, you know, we have not by any means explored every single room in the castle of sexual pleasure, but we have certainly explored a lot of them. And so, our, our goal really is to, to invite you to explore them as well and see what kind of transcendent experience you can have or what kind of healing experience you can have, um, by going into a particular sector of sexuality. You know, there's sectors of life and sexuality is one sector. Within that sector, there's many other sectors. So plenty of sectors to experience. Mhm.

Leah: 5:14

It's like, let's enter into this, this play castle of all these ways that we can re imagine how amazing sexuality can benefit our overall well being. And, and bring so much life to life. I think that's actually one of the unique things that sexuality does for us. Is, I mean, just think y'all, like the last time you were headed towards an orgasm and you were in a higher state of arousal, like to me, that space and time of consciousness is filled with aliveness. There's something about like high arousal that makes you feel alive. And I love it when life gives us those feelings. Feelings, you know, sometimes we feel that way when we're looking at a flower or we're on a rollercoaster or we're swimming in the ocean. Like there's these times in life where we feel filled with aliveness. And I think that's so important to be active. And pursuing those things in our life. And sex is just one of those things that's built inside of us. Like we have such easy access to it. We don't have to get on a plane to go have an adventure. We don't have to drive down the road.

Willow: 6:23

we can go on sex vacation without even, we don't even need a partner.

Leah: 6:27

that's so true.

Willow: 6:29

do it on our own. You know, and I think too, it's like, it's one of these things that for so many it feels like, Oh, I don't have time or I don't want to go into the room of sexual healing because it's going to open up a can of worms and I don't want to deal with that. Or there's um, there's a lot of triggering to be had around sexuality is such a taboo topic. And um, you know, we talk about it all the time. So we, it's very normalized for us, but we realized that for many, um, it can feel a little bit overwhelming and a little bit daunting, which is why these, um, this castle where you're just like, I'm going to hang out in this one room for a while until I really feel like I've, you know, done the sexual healing that I need to do in order to be able to go over to the Tantra room and really start to explore there. So everyone has a different pacing and a different timing with, um, exploring these rooms. And that's, uh, really welcomed.

Leah: 7:29

Yeah, and so one of the things that we're doing y'all is we're going to invite you to go check out these rooms. We're going to give you a room for free and you're going to go into this room, free room, and you're going to see a bunch of training videos. And, and some of these, these videos have different topics that all correlate with the theme of that room in particular. So one of the rooms that you'll have access to is called Skills to Overcoming Sexual Obstacles because there's so many obstacles when it comes to sex. there's like sexual dysfunction, right? Like people struggle with erectile dysfunction and they often judge themselves for ejaculating too soon or they judge themselves for not being able to be orgasmic. I mean, I can't tell you how many women have come to me, you know, never having had an orgasm. And I'm not just talking younger women. I'm talking much older women.

Willow: 8:16

All

Leah: 8:16

Yeah, all ages and, and the self recrimination that we, um, Oh man, that we feel about ourselves. Uh, and then there's people who just like struggle with getting turned on, even feeling desire, you know, their libido feels like it's tanked. What other obstacles do you feel like people are really grappling with, uh, today Willow?

Willow: 8:37

Yeah, you know, for I, I work a lot with women in the peri and postmenopausal and, and cycling years, so looking at hormones a lot. And I feel like, um, you know, the, the vulva begins to change, the vagina begins to change. And a lot of times. People will come to me with like, I've never really had good sexual experiences ever and now I'm dealing with like dryness and atrophy of tissue. And so that can be a huge obstacle, you know, so how to plump up the vulva tissue and to lubricate in a way that it actually feels good and then to let it dry. Learn what feels good to your body at this time in your life. Because it's like we're all, as we go through different seasons in life as well, which are not necessarily dependent on our age. Seasons can shift. We can have a spring season when we're in our 80s. I see it all the time. And, um, yeah. It's just we have to recognize it's like where we at and really bringing that presence forward will help us overcome these obstacles. Another obstacle that is actually a room in and of itself is trauma. But even those who feel like they've really healed their trauma, sometimes It's that really little last little bit of latent trauma can turn into an obstacle and it can be totally unconscious. So when we bring our awareness and our consciousness to this room of sexual obstacles and really examining and looking at them and learning how to overcome them and transcending them, it's like it opens up a whole new room for us.

Leah: 11:22

Yeah, and I think it goes further, right? So we've got like sexual dysfunction obstacles, but we also have, you know, intimacy obstacles. You know, our struggles with vulnerability, our, our, our struggles with being able to talk about it without feeling shamed, our embarrassment, our self consciousness around our body, our lack of self love. Um, you know, these things that stop us from feeling really free.

Willow: 11:49

Yeah, and not also with that piece of intimacy, like not trusting, uh, the other person, you know, not trusting that they can hold your sexuality, not trusting that you can express your full sexuality with them. So that's a big piece as well. And then, you know, so often, probably one of the biggest obstacles that people are totally unaware of that they're doing all the time is they're not being present, right? They're just, they're thinking. Thinking about what's gonna happen at breakfast tomorrow and how they're gonna get the kids to school and this is an obstacle in life y'all. Like this is not just in the sexuality

Leah: 12:25

yeah, yeah. And you know, I think, I think it's because we're not, I mean, although we use the word presence like all the time, you hear it all the time. People don't always know what that is. And also it's not modeled very well, but I do think what people relate to is being in the moment. We've all had experiences where we've really been in the moment, and it's usually been thrilling. Um, and so we forget how to do that, and that's all presence is, you guys. It's like really being in the moment. It's like being in the moment with your kids, and being in the moment when you're cleaning the house, being in the moment when you're at work, being in the moment, most importantly, when you're having sex. And that's actually one of the places that I think a lot of people struggle with. It's like, why is it so hard to be in the moment with your partner? You're thinking about everything else, you know.

Willow: 13:15

Part of it is habit, it's conditioning, it's what you've always done, and so it's hard to break old habits. And that's, you know, part of the obstacle too, is like, how do you, how do you stop having sex in the old boring routine way that you've been doing for 25 years? Like, that's an obstacle to overcome. Like, get, to get exploratory, and to get creative, and to, um, overcome, you know, another obstacle that I'm, I'm, is coming up for me right now is like, What if you just don't even really enjoy the way your partner smells or enjoy the way they, um, touch you or, you know, they, uh, like you really can't get through the obstacle because there's something going on with your reaction to your partner.

Leah: 14:00

Yeah, that's a giant one. Yeah, it's skills. It's skills to being a lover. How, I mean, look, very few of us have learned how to be skillful lovers. You know, we think that it's enough to watch movies or porn or to talk to our friends to gain some skills. But, man, sexuality in of itself is an art form. It's an exciting thing to study. And, and I think. This is a place where we feel insecure. So it's like, we don't want to hear about it. We don't want our partner to criticize us about it. Um, it's really hard to get feedback about our partner, not enjoying some of the ways that we try to pleasure them. Um, so it's fraught, it's fraught with potential conflict and it can make us feel really inadequate. So it's like, how do we sort of shift our mindset and get really curious about, well, what if I don't make this a humiliating experience where I feel like a dummy because I don't really know how to be a great lover? Why don't I go find out and, and show up with some enthusiasm? I really want to inspire. I mean, that's another reason for the show, right? So we want to inspire you. You're not expected. We should, none of us should expect ourselves to be great lovers when we have such a terrible education. Um. Yeah, so that's, that is a great one. I think another thing that's kind of interesting is You know, back to this idea of being in the moment and being present, I think that's so easy to do when you're new. When you're falling in love or you're really into somebody, it comes so naturally to be in the moment. But you were kind of alluding to this, Willow, like, it's true, like, the longer you're in a relationship, the more boring sex becomes, the more routine it becomes. I think that's when it's really hard to be in the moment. You know where else it's hard to be in the moment? Is when you're drunk. Or you're inebriated.

Willow: 15:51

Any substance. Yeah.

Leah: 15:53

or you're, you're, you know, so sometimes what we'll do, which is sort of another shadow side, is we'll engage in risky behavior, because we're chasing this thing, you know, and so we can do a lot of things that we're not used to are high risk, um, and also fall into addiction. And so I think that's another obstacle is like where we're grappling with compulsive behavior. And you know, chasing that, that three to five seconds of relief. It's really chasing a state change. And, and when you're in relationship with someone who's, You know, being really compulsive about their sexual behavior, that can be a real drain. That can be really frustrating. You know, I was talking to a friend the other day who's really struggling with this. It's like her partner is so struggling in his what would you it's almost like an entitlement. Like she ends up just having sex with him because the fight is worse than just giving in, but she's not getting any pleasure and she's mad at herself because she's just basically putting up with it. She doesn't really want the sex. The sex doesn't feel good. It feels self centered. He's, he's in this, you know, anxious state of need and it's a really painful thing to, for both people to try to wrap their minds around. So, you know, we have things that are sort of on the extreme and then we have things that are just You know, they're less of a deal, right? They're not as problematic. But they're stopping us from really being able to relax in sex.

Willow: 17:29

Yeah,

Leah: 17:29

And it's that relaxation that

Willow: 17:33

That arousal is born from, yeah, we need that relaxation. You know, another thing that just popped into my mind too, is an obstacle is just not knowing what to do. Like just not having the confidence of like, I don't. I just don't know what to do. Like, I, you know, I, I see these things in the movies and on porn, and I think that's what I should do, but that doesn't feel good at all. So, a lot, a lot of us grow up, in our sexual growing up, like, learning to do things that are absolutely inauthentic, but we don't know how to find what's authentic.

Leah: 18:09

right. Like talking dirty is a good one.

Willow: 18:12

oh god,

Leah: 18:13

like they have a natural ability. Like they can just, it's taken me a while to get more courageous with dirty talk. Yeah. I'm really trying to stretch. I am such a fan of hearing it and

Willow: 18:25

We gotta have a whole room. We're gonna make a whole room for y'all on Dirty Talk.

Leah: 18:29

Cause, cause I'm in the school right now of Dirty Talk. Like I, I love how I love Dirty Talk spoken to me and I want to be able to dish it out too. But it's an edge, you know? So I'm

Willow: 18:41

Uh huh.

Leah: 18:42

And I think it's like, we got to remember to just keep on encouraging ourselves to get out of our comfort zone. And I, so I think you're really speaking to that. It's like when you don't know how to do something. Like, If you don't know how to give a good blowjob. You know, like there's, I mean, I'm one of those people, again, have felt a little insecure about my blowjob skills. I can teach a lot of techniques. That doesn't mean I've mastered all of them.

Willow: 19:08

Okay, that's very honest. Thank you. Yes.

Leah: 19:11

it is. I, I want to

Willow: 19:15

at blowjobs, but but there's other things that that's true for me too,

Leah: 19:19

Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, you know, we consider ourselves sexperts, but that doesn't mean we're, uh, Expert at every single one of the thousands and thousands of sexual techniques. And so, you know, hopefully by hearing that you're not expected to be great at everything, but this love of learning is important.

Willow: 19:40

It's about the exploration and the curiosity that you bring to it. And through that curiosity you automatically access presence. And number one, number one for this room of overcoming sexual obstacles, number one lesson, slow way down. Like go, go slow, go slow as you can and then slow it down ten times more.

Leah: 20:05

Yeah, yeah, find, find out how much there is to discover in simply slowing down. Your repertoire of being a great lover will expand exponentially and not only will you discover new pleasures in your own body, Well, watch out, baby, when you discover new pleasures in your partner's body, because there's something to be said. But it's almost like our nervous system is, has so much urgency in it to get to the end, which, you know, we want to, um,

Willow: 20:33

that's also conditioned. It's conditioned and it's also biological. Because it's like, well, we're going to procreate here, right? That's like, biologically our bodies are like, let's put the semen in the vagina so we can have another human. So we don't run out of humans on the planet. But we got plenty, so take your time, slow down.

Leah: 20:52

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Play with sensuality and, and, and you've heard us say it before, but sensuality has to do with the senses. It's that simple. We all know about the five senses. You've been playing with it since you were in kindergarten and younger, you know, it's like, let's return to sensuality. And I think sensuality is such an important room because it's something that everyone has access to. You can easily deepen and develop and become more skillful with the art of sensuality. Um, I think another room that would be really fun to explore is not just the non verbal cues of when you're making love, like how to read body language and how to, um, allow lovemaking to get better because you're paying attention to the sounds, to the, to the way someone is responding without words, but with sound and movement of the body. I think one thing that I would love to develop deeper, uh, for our audience, Willow, is like, how to make love to someone across the room. You know, like, yeah, like using the eyes to just sort of, to flirt and using energy to like turn someone on so high, they're already at a peak state of arousal before you say hello. I mean, talk about the art of seduction.

Willow: 22:12

Oh, God, it's so fun. I can just feel my whole body ignite when

Leah: 22:15

respond to that.

Willow: 22:16

Yeah, I'm like, ooh, that sounds fun and juicy. Yeah.

Leah: 22:20

yeah,

Willow: 22:21

fun. It's so fun when you know how to, like, seduce with energy. It's so subtle, but it's so powerful. And, um, and a lot of times the other person just, like, doesn't even know what's happening, you know? And so when you're sort of highly seduced, I'm not really skilled at that. Um, they think that you're magic.

Leah: 22:40

Right, right, which is, you know, this is a place where like practice builds confidence and, and now I'm sort of thinking like, okay, the opposite, when that goes wrong, that goes south, it's like goober alert. You know what I mean? And so like. The other thing that's, that's worth getting better at is when you're getting feedback from the world that your energy is kind of repulsive, like

Willow: 23:03

Yeah. Too

Leah: 23:04

slimed by you, you know, and, and like, how do you start to track yourself? How do you know when your sexual energy is unbecoming to someone else? Like it's rubbing them the wrong way. And I think a lot of people try too hard. to be cool sexually and then that just takes all sorts of wrong turns. So I think

Willow: 23:26

definitely going to be a room of like how to harness your Shakti, your Jing Chi, how to cultivate it and wield it in a way that the environment around you, including the people who are in that environment, can really, um, that they can digest it, right? So this is something Leah and I definitely have both explored in this room extensively, and we have learned the hard way. Which sometimes is the best way to learn that, you know, that your sexual energy is, is blowing people's fuses, it's blowing, like they don't, they're not ready for all of that quite yet. So, um, learning how to wield that powers. So crucial and even beyond sexuality, like even like if you're just a really loving open person, you got to learn how to wield that so that, um, the outer world that's still shrouded in fear and, um, doubt and uncertainty and like if it boxes, yeah, it's like if, if you say this or do this, that means you, you know, are this kind of person. So there's a lot of labels and there's a lot of judgment and, um,

Leah: 24:38

yeah, and there's a lot of mastery to be gained because it's like, one, you want to just be yourself and not like walk around the world, like super fucking edited. Um, and at the same time, you also don't want to get a lot of negative feedback. Like, it's painful to be rejected. It's painful when you're too much. Um, just as much as it's painful when you play too small and no one sees you because you're too small. In the room, but you're, you're in, you're like the wallpaper. So it's like, you don't want to micromanage yourself. We want you to be yourself. But I think this falls in the line of energetic responsibility. Like, how can you be energetically responsible as you move through the world so that people open? When they're in your presence and you're not leaving a bunch of like, you know, people that are closed around your presence. Cause that's just painful to you. You know, it's like, what, what will help you stay open is watching other people open around you. And so that's really, again, it kind of comes back to this. This energetic awareness and when we can be energetically responsible with our sexual energy, then we open the people who we aim to open and we are sensitive to the people who are sensitive, you know, um, and that's a fun, fun thing to study. It's, it's

Willow: 25:54

It is. It's amazing. In fact, we've got whole courses that, um, that you can study with us on that. And, um, at some point, we will add that room to our freebie. But that is not in the freebies yet. So far,

Leah: 26:07

We're just dancing on the topic.

Willow: 26:09

Yeah, we're just talking about all the rooms in the castle. There's so many. Um, but, but back to these top three that we help people with so much and that we really support people with. We've talked about skills to overcoming sexual obstacles at length. We've talked about that. So go into that room, check it out and, and you'll learn some pretty cool stuff in there like ejaculatory control, what to do about pelvic floor pain, um, and some other good stuff as well. The, the other room that we we, it's so common that we love to support people with is, we've spoken a little bit about it, but, um, skills to deepen your intimacy with your partner. So what is it really, what is intimacy truly and what is, what is it, what's the value of it? What does it bring to your life, into your body, to your health, to your being? So all of that is explored in, uh, in this room.

Leah: 27:01

in Yeah, it's interesting, I find when it comes to intimacy there's usually one partner who's like really craves it and needs it and isn't getting enough of it and another partner That's just like what the fuck are you talking about?

Willow: 27:14

I'm here. I'm standing

Leah: 27:16

what more could you possibly want like I don't I don't even get it when you say that. Right, right?

Willow: 27:26

So true. So, so just like, just like truth, there are as many truths as there are people in the room. So it's really a perspective thing this, this word intimacy, like what's intimate for one person is not intimate for another and vice versa. So, you know, we always break down. Go ahead.

Leah: 27:47

well, I was just going to say, I think the thing that makes intimacy really hard, you were just about to break it down actually. And I, I, and I was going to, you know, point out vulnerability again. So please continue with like, what is required in order for intimacy to exist?

Willow: 28:01

Yeah, we always break it down into 3 pillars. Um, and those are trust, vulnerability and presence. Notice love isn't even in there. Like, cause I can, I can have a very intimate moment with somebody that I'm not in love with. I can, I can create all kinds of intimacy.

Leah: 28:21

Is stranger.

Willow: 28:22

Yes.

Leah: 28:23

love hasn't entered the equation, but you can show up with intimacy with someone you don't even know in a nanosecond.

Willow: 28:32

Absolutely. So when we look at 3 pillars, trust, vulnerability, presence, you've probably heard us talk about these if you tune into our show regularly. But trust is, is not so much"I trust you", the the person who you're with but rather, I trust myself. I trust myself with you, and no matter what you do, or whatever happens outside of me, I trust that I will be able to come back to my own center, come back to my own core, and rediscover, um, a depth within me that makes, that allows me to become even more intimate with myself, right? Into me I see is intimacy and, and so it's that, um, that discovery of the self, it brings us closer to spirit usually, and that is the truest, deepest intimacy. So when we trust ourselves, we can then trust whomever we choose, and from that place, hence

Leah: 29:31

These people were going, wait, how the fuck are you going to be intimate with a stranger that Willow's really pointing out. When you trust yourself, you can actually show up with anybody. Because you know yourself, you trust yourself, you're not going to put yourself in any kind of dangerous situation. Just because you're showing up in intimacy doesn't mean that you're at some sort of great risk for harm. I think people confuse that. Yeah.

Willow: 29:54

Yeah, absolutely. When, when you have that level of trust, then you can be vulnerable and share things about yourself that you would not otherwise feel comfortable sharing. And that creates a sense of them being able to trust you more. And then they feel like, wow, I can open with this person. Oh, I can probably share something with them that's vulnerable, and it will probably be safe. Let me give it a try. So then you've got this trust and vulnerability loop running between two people, and that's an upward spiral, y'all. When that happens, it's like you really can, and it doesn't mean that there's not going to be a moment. There could be, or there could not be a moment where, um, You share something vulnerably and the other person doesn't receive it well. And then there's a shutdown. So that's where trusting yourself comes in. Those shutdowns are opportunities to go deeper into your relationship with your own self, capital S self and, um, and presence, you know, being in the moment is required if you're running that cycle. If you're running trust vulnerability cycle with somebody, you have to be present,

Leah: 31:05

be present. Yeah, it happens automatically.

Willow: 31:07

organically there.

Leah: 31:09

When you have those two, the third just shows up. It's like, it's an alchemical reaction to the first two coming together. That trust and vulnerability leads to presence. It's almost an impossibility to have the first two without the third. So they're all kind of, it's like a triple sister situation. Um, and, and I want to say something about vulnerability because we have sort of that deep vulnerability that says, you know, What are you afraid I'm going to see? And you answer that question. But there's also just like, you know, vulnerability that doesn't have to be so deep and intense and something that's scary. It can be just something personal. Like, you know, you share something that doesn't normally come up in a conversation and it just pops up because it just, because you're, you're that relaxed about just being yourself. And I think we spend so much time trying to navigate what we think other people will approve of or what other people will like, um, or how to get love somehow that we end up wearing a lot of masks. But if we just like get more and more comfortable with not worrying about that, and we just show up as ourselves because we trust ourselves, because we realize that when we trust ourselves, the right people will stick around, you know, like, and, and if we've, someone doesn't jive with us. That's okay. Next, you know, um.

Willow: 32:30

I'll never forget I was talking one moment. I was talking to a man. He's probably in his like mid to late 40s and just going through a divorce and He you know and I was just being there and listening and you know I'm a real people share vulnerably with me within five minutes, it's always been that way. And so so he starts talking to me and he's like, yeah, you know I realized that I was caught in this thought that like I was gonna have to trick somebody New into loving me and I was like, wow Yeah

Leah: 33:03

I mean, just, just imagine that you guys, that's a really powerful thing you just said Willow. When you're someone who's safe and trustworthy people will say things that really surprise them, that they really need to hear out loud.

Willow: 33:17

They need to say it. It's

Leah: 33:19

Yeah, right.

Willow: 33:21

and realizing that that's a crazy limiting belief. And they have choice

Leah: 33:26

And you don't even realize, it's in your subconscious, you don't even realize that you're running that script, that there's a, there's, that's motivating you somewhere, and then you hear yourself say it out loud, and that hearing it out loud from your own voice creates such a reflection that you then get to disavow whatever that is or solidify whatever it is that you just said that you really needed to hear because it's an important truth, you know, because it's actually of a positive nature, or you can set it down if it's of a negative nature, whatever the case may be. That's a really beautiful thing of hearing something that's in the subconscious that could be sort of a shadow piece and then making it conscious. And when you make it conscious, then you have more power to make wiser decisions.

Willow: 34:12

absolutely.

Leah: 34:13

know, speaking of that, I heard a really cool quote, um, uh, by Carl Jung, and it says, until you make the unconscious conscious, It will rule your life and you will call it fate.

Willow: 34:26

Ah,

Leah: 34:27

wow, that is really powerful. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate

Willow: 34:35

fate.

Leah: 34:35

or you'll call yourself a victim.

Willow: 34:38

Yeah, absolutely. That's great. That's so beautiful and powerful and it makes me think too of the word Samskara. You know, this is what comes, like, when we start to be vulnerable with somebody else, like, That's really where the magic is and, um, this word Samskara, it's a, it's a Sanskrit word and it really means like, it's, it's this old trigger or this old experience, like maybe I had an experience when I was 14 and I was like, you know, cat called and then some older man tried to, you know, you know, get his hands on me or whatever, you know, some experience that I had when I was 14. Then flash forward, I'm like 34 years old, let's say, and I'm, and I'm sitting across the table from somebody and I'm just talking to them and they're, they're somehow reminding me of that moment, whatever they're saying or who they are, the essence, the energy of them. So all of a sudden I'm bringing the past into this moment, so I've lost my sense of presence. Now I'm sitting in a samskara, I'm sitting in a moment of the past, a trigger, and I'm sitting here, I'm projecting, yes, I'm like, now I'm seeing this person who has nothing to do with that past experience, and I'm projecting that they are, you know, transgressing me in some way.

Leah: 36:00

You know,

Willow: 36:01

this happens all the motherfucking time, like constantly. It

Leah: 36:06

especially with

Willow: 36:07

in sexuality. Yes, especially with,

Leah: 36:11

who's in a relationship or married are definitely playing out a lot of transference, a lot of, well, how do you say it? Samskara? Samskara. Samskara. Will you spell that?

Willow: 36:24

S A M S K A R A. I think sometimes it's with an N, sanskara too, I don't know.

Leah: 36:29

Yeah. So that's really interesting. And the projections, I mean, God, people are doing it all day at work, right? We're projecting what we think other people are thinking. And, uh, and then we just make so many stories. And you're right, it totally robs presence. Um. Okay. So, so that's a little bit on skills to deepen partner intimacy. And, and, and so you'll, what you'll see in these rooms, and we kind of think of them as adventures you get to go on, you're going to see multiple training videos on, on various topics. So I know like in the intimacy room, we're talking about the sandwiching technique, which is a technique for communication, you know, there's another training video on core values. There's another training on like nonverbal communication.

Willow: 37:09

a lot of communication one in this one. And

Leah: 37:12

eye gazing.

Willow: 37:14

Yeah, nonverbal communication. You just said that. But, um, you know, I think one of the things that we can do is start to look for opportunities to be vulnerable. And that will really start to just, the room will suck you in, you know, because it's like, wow, the vulnerability, it can take you deeper into love than you've ever experienced before. And that is absolutely Super, it's like a drug. It is a drug because dopamine and endorphins are running and rushing and oxytocin and you're all Alive with that with those hormones, which are like drugs in your body natural endogenous drugs It's amazing. And then there's also the opportunity with with being vulnerable that That you could get hurt that word translates to woundable But either way if you do get hurt, it's an opportunity to look deeper within yourself So either way it's a Deepening experience, exactly. And what we were talking about the room earlier, about being energetically sensitive and reading energy and reading someone else's capacity for what you have to offer and share, um, is really incredibly valuable. So you start to see when you get into this castle, how the rooms weave together.

Leah: 38:27

Yeah, they're, they're, they're not, it's interesting because many of the training videos could just as equally fit in other themes, right? And so sometimes you might see a repeated training video because it matches, right? It's not like everything is so compartmentalized. So it's good to sort of, you know, As you, as you pick things apart, see how they relate to the whole, and I'm really glad that you talked about the rewards of vulnerability, because that's so freaking important, because why bother being vulnerable if it doesn't reward you? I mean, like, and, and there's so many reasons as an adult why vulnerability rewards you, you know, more and more and more. It ends up being something that is much more rewarding than it is painful. Unlike I think vulnerability as a child, I think vulnerability as a child means something different because there's more threat. You have less autonomy. You have less ways of being able to really take care of yourself because you're a little person and you depend on the world. You depend on adults. You, you depend on caregivers in a way that you don't as you're an adult. So like vulnerability, being proactive, like Willow said, looking for opportunities to, to show up in your vulnerability ends up something that gives so much back to you. So sometimes we have to tell that little part of us that's scared of vulnerability to go, did you know I'm 45?

Willow: 39:48

Yeah, yeah,

Leah: 39:49

I got this little one, you know, like I actually want this because this, I've had enough experiences that this leads to actually deeper, more, more, more. Um, worthwhile relationships, this leads to actually more physical orgasmic pleasure. This leads to more transcendent experiences of awe and, and feeling so grateful for life. So you know,

Willow: 40:13

And it requires bravery. It requires courage. You know, if you've been hurt, if you've been, if you were really vulnerable and you got really effing hurt, the, the natural human tendency is going to be to not want to go there again, you

Leah: 40:28

that wall, yeah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

Willow: 40:31

Yeah, and so the so so to get support in this room of intimacy is so crucial It's so key and that's what we're here for. You know, we do we do private work with people, hands on work with people we take people on retreats to really dive deep with this stuff because sometimes you just need someone who really gets it and who's really skilled at holding a Um, your vulnerable heart so that you can actually feel the edges of it. You can feel where the little nooks and crannies of the vulnerability within your heart live so that you even know how to access them when it comes to, um, your intimate relationships.

Leah: 41:14

Yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, really just brings to mind like how much you're talking about trust and vulnerability because truly, truly the art of cultivating trust. There's no way to not include vulnerability with that. And I think some of the things that I've really gotten from you, Willow, in being able to articulate more, um, intricately this experience of self trust, it's like, you're going to make mistakes. And self trust is really about giving yourself a break and going, yeah, that was a mistake. I know more now. Good to know. Like not beating yourself up and building a wall because you made a mistake. It's actually trusting that you will make mistakes and that you'll learn from them. You'll grow from them without building walls around it. You know, it's like, it's so interesting.

Willow: 42:04

And also just to take that, that word mistake and, and trust that nothing is a mistake. It's, it's all in the name of your evolution, right? It's all in the name of your expansion. And, and I think the biggest mistake is when we just shut down. When we just like, I'm gonna have to say that is a mistake. You know, it's like, if we don't

Leah: 42:27

right? It's like we shut down so that we can finish feeling, so we can digest, so we can rest and digest.

Willow: 42:35

If, yes, if we take it and we, and we digest it and we move forward and we continue to grow and expand in it. But it's when we get shut down and jaded and we just hold on to that old, um, experience over and over for the rest of our lives, that's where we do lose our, lose our way.

Leah: 42:51

Yeah, don't waste years of your life shutting down. Have a rest and digest and sometimes that might take a week, sometimes it might take six months. You know, it kind of depends on, is that a divorce of a relationship you don't want, you didn't want a divorce and it's 20 years you've invested in your life and your heart is crushed and your kids are hurting and yeah, it might take a year to rest and digest. Um, but man, you know, get back up and, and gather the, the treasures. That you can harvest from that relationship and the lessons from the breakup. I mean, all those things, there's so much complexity to all of it. Right. It's actually so rich because of that.

Willow: 43:29

We could go on

Leah: 43:30

We go on and on and on, but, but let's get

Willow: 43:32

Let's go to the third room.

Leah: 43:33

Yeah. Yeah. Which, uh, which we would love for you to pick up.

Willow: 43:38

This is a fun one. Yeah, this is

Leah: 43:41

this is, this is a juicy one. It's really about skills to activate, turn on, and orgasm. Hello? Don't we all want to live a more turned on life? Fuck. more orgasmic life.

Willow: 43:52

You know, there's opportunity for orgasm and pleasure all damn day long and we just miss it. We just like, hurry up and get through things so that we can get on to the next things. For those of you who know me well, you know I've been doing a ton of meditation with Joe Dispenza and he always talks about, um, your body, like you're, you're leading yourself around with your body. Like you're leading your head around with your body, your,,your mind has, does not have autonomy over your body. It's just these addictions and these patterns within your body of like, let me hurry up and wash the dishes so I can hurry up and get the kids so I can hurry up and, and get to, to dinner. Then I can hurry up and get to bed and then I can hurry up and go to sleep and then I can hurry up and get up in the morning and I can hurry up and do it all over again. And there's just. There's no curiosity, there's no presence, there's no room in that scenario for, for opportunity to come in.

Leah: 44:50

enjoy each one of those tests. It's not like enjoying it, it's going to take longer. than rushing through it, you know, that's about the same amount of time.

Willow: 44:57

the same amount of time. It's a totally different experience.

Leah: 45:00

Yeah, feel the suds and the warm water over your hands. Feel the, the transformation from

Willow: 45:06

I love washing dishes.

Leah: 45:08

and making it clean, you know, like, like, it's such a mundane task and habit that we have an opportunity. It's like taking, What is it? It's, it's taking a habit and turning it into a ritual. It's taking ordinary and making it extraordinary. You know, we can do, and we can get so much pleasure and sensuality from things like, just like washing the dishes and falling asleep and driving to pick up the kids because you're

Willow: 45:35

And going to the bathroom, y'all. Like that, how many times a day do you go to the bathroom? Number one and number two. Those are very pleasurable, sensational moments. If you take them as like, not let me hurry up and do this, like, Let me actually just like breathe and experience my body as it releases something that's no longer useful for me. And you can even take that, turn it into a spiritual moment. It's like, what's been bothering in your head? What, what beliefs have been playing out in your head? Take that moment, piss them out. Like you don't need them anymore. You

Leah: 46:11

like to say, have a holy shit, have a

Willow: 46:13

have a holy.

Leah: 46:15

Yes, have a holy piss, make it sacred baby, let it go, flush it down, and feel the relief.

Willow: 46:22

The relief. feel the spaciousness inside of yourself

Leah: 46:26

Yeah. No, there is not a training video in the, um, the turn on module about holy shits and holy pees. But watch out! We may make one.

Willow: 46:37

Yeah, we might make one.

Leah: 46:39

That's cute. But what you can, what you will find in some of the training videos in that room are things like the arousal scale, understanding your arousal scale and how to use it as a communication technique. The art of kissing, baby! Don't you want to be the best kisser that anyone that you kiss has ever had? Well,

Willow: 46:57

I already am. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna give myself credit for that.

Leah: 47:02

Oh, very nice Willow. Um, and even things like, there's techniques for quadrupling the length of your orgasm, like how to find the intensity dial so that each one of your orgasms is longer, stronger, uh, and filled with bliss. Because I think a lot of people just settle for a sneeze in the groin. You know, it's like, well, that was my orgasm. Beep boop. Beep

Willow: 47:27

Yeah. And it's often done, it's often done in the same way that it's always done. We don't, we don't teach this specifically in this room for, um, activating turn on and orgasms, but we do have whole trainings on it, on the different, uh, you know, nerve pathways that travel from your genitals up to your brain. So, many of us All of us have been following the one same nerve pathway our whole lives, and we have never even tried or learned or been curious about discovering the other nerve pathways that really open up places inside of you that are galactic, places you didn't even know existed.

Leah: 48:12

Yeah, and I think what's important to say about that in this moment is Look, we're so happy that you have nerve pathways that are awakened and that work for you. Halle fuckin lujah

Willow: 48:22

That's great.

Leah: 48:23

Yes. Amen. I will never diminish, uh, said, um, clitoral orgasms they are, um, beloved and they're, they're invited to every party. But what a lot of people don't know is that you've got other nerve pathways that take different types of orgasmic sensation that are different than the orgasms you're used to, but they have to be awakened. They're not online yet. You've got to actually touch those erogenous zones, know how to activate them, and then, and they don't just turn on the first time you touch it, like your G spot, you've got to awaken that nerve pathway, you've got to actually put your love and your attention, you've got to play with different types of pressure and speed until it starts to come alive because the wiring has to go from your genitals or some region in your body and up to the brain, and then the brain has to feel that signal, has to send that signal, and make a circuit and loop it back. So the more you practice these different places that you can touch and awaken, the stronger those nerve pathways and that circuitry becomes, which means you'll continue to have varying degrees of profundity In the release of that pleasure throughout the years because you're putting your attention, um, to these different parts of your body and your lover's body. And so here's, that's just another good example of why you mustn't sit on your laurels when it comes to sex. You must continue to be a student and treat it as an art form.

Willow: 49:48

absolutely. Okay. I have a question for you, Leah. This is, I'm putting you on the spot. It's just a technical question, but don't we have an episode on that on the four orgasmic pathways? We just have trainings. Okay. Yeah. So

Leah: 50:03

Yeah. In fact, um, there's one right now. I just relaunched this particular class. I've got one that's really directed towards speaking to a female audience. Although anyone can listen to it. Yoni owners, Lingam owners, and, um. Everyone in between and get a lot of value from it. And then I just reproduced it with some added information that's directed to a penis owning audience or just about to any audience that likes to pleasure women. So if you want to know how to give women four different types of orgasms, go to sexreimagined. com or go to moreloveworks. com and pick yourself up a wonderful training.

Willow: 50:40

Yeah. Awesome.

Leah: 50:41

Okay. Well, this was fun.

Willow: 50:44

Super fun. So the houses of pleasure awake in every room. There's more and more to explore. The more you know, the more there is to know. This is really like similar to being an amazing musician. Like the more you, you get into these rooms and the more you explore and the more you bring your curiosity to table and leave your judgment outside. The more Uh, just the more incredible of a, of a player you're going to become. So

Leah: 51:14

And so, um, check it out. Go to our website, uh, sexreimagined. com, click on choose your own sex reimagined adventure to, uh, download these, uh, training videos. You get to pick a room for free. And if you want all the rooms, we come at a really great bundled price. Um, very affordable. And the link will be in the show notes, folks. So we love ya and we'll see you on the flip side.

Willow: 51:40

Cheers, y'all.

Speaker 3: 51:41

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.