26. Defending Against Bullies: The Power and Philosophy of WingTsun

Welcome to a captivating discussion with our esteemed guest, Sifu Alexander Olich.

Together, we delve into the fascinating world of Wing Tsun, a martial art form invented by a woman and honed for self-defense. Sifu, a term translating to 'father teacher', enriches us with insights on how Wing Tsun uses the power of the opponent against themselves, its emphasis on the sense of touch, and its application in blindfolded defense scenarios. We unravel the philosophy behind being a Sifu, and the unique aspects that set WingTsun apart from other martial arts.

Our conversation takes a turn towards a challenging issue - bullying in schools. From the cruel playground teasing to the sinister realm of cyberbullying, we dissect the various forms it manifests and the lasting psychological impact it can leave on the affected children. Sifu enlightens us on how Wing Tsun can equip children, and adults, with a toolset to assert themselves and build self-confidence. We also delve into the complexity when the bully happens to be the child's parent, revealing a sobering reality and the need for ongoing efforts to remedy this issue.

Wrapping up, we discuss the role of resilience in the face of a bully and how martial arts can be a source of inspiration. Sifu shares how WingTsun can serve as a tool to instill assertive behavior, develop trust, and prevent the escalation of violence.

This enlightening episode promises to leave you pondering, inspired, and eager to learn more about WingTsun.

You can find out more about EWTO Cyprus and the work of Sifu- Alexander Olich and team by clicking the link below:

https://www.instagram.com/wingtsuncyprus/
https://www.martialarts.com.cy
info@martialarts.com.cy

midweekinsights@gmail.com


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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

So thank you, Sifu, for gracing us with your presence today and allowing us to dig into the philosophies, teachings and inspirations behind EWTO Cyprus.

Speaker 2: 0:14

Thank you very much for inviting me, Lesey.

Speaker 1: 0:16

So I would like to start with what does it mean to be a Sifu? First of all, because you're addressed as a term of endearment and let's go into that to begin with.

Speaker 2: 0:26

Sifu is a traditional Chinese title, basically, which doesn't mean more than father or father teacher. So because in the Chinese hierarchy following Confucianism, basically the father figure was the most important. And then Confucius is describing also the relationships who is the father? Is the father to the son, or the husband, is the husband to the wife, and so on. So the main idea is that you have a family that you're responsible for and as a Sifu, basically you can become a Sifu only if your own Sifu makes you a Sifu.

Speaker 2: 1:07

Basically he evaluates your qualities, of course, not just the martial art qualities, but rather your character and your leadership qualities. And there is one day then when you have also educated other people in the martial arts, showed leadership qualities, then you become a Sifu. So Sifu in Chinese and say is maybe known from the movies, also the Japanese word for a similar meaning. So that's it basically. So you're responsible, you are responsible for your family and let's say, in the modern world it's like all your students, of course I am not the father of them, but I am the father teacher or the father figure. So that's basically the idea of Sifu.

Speaker 1: 1:57

Very cool. So it gives them a sense of belonging and I'm sure you have to have a lot of wisdom and respect to have this title right. They see it as a title of respect.

Speaker 2: 2:05

That is the idea, great.

Speaker 1: 2:07

So how does, also for someone who's never heard of Wing Chun or is considering it, or how does this differ from your traditional martial arts?

Speaker 2: 2:16

What do you mean?

Speaker 1: 2:17

How does Wing Chun different in terms of what it offers if I'm going to go to karate or judo?

Speaker 2: 2:22

or something else. Yes, yes, sure. How is this?

Speaker 1: 2:23

different.

Speaker 2: 2:24

Well, wing Chun, first of all, it's when you look at the history.

Speaker 2: 2:29

It's a very old martial art that was invented by a woman many hundreds of years ago.

Speaker 2: 2:35

In comparison to many other martial arts that you just mentioned that are rather newer let's say 50, 60, 70 years old Wing Chun we're talking 300 plus years it's the only martial art that was invented by a woman, which is very interesting using the power of the opponent against himself. It's kind of a recycling. It doesn't matter how big he is, the stronger the attack, the more you will give it back to him, basically. So that's a huge difference than the sense of touch. Wing Chun uses the sense of touch rather than, let's say, if you mentioned karate, shoto kan, which is a very nice sport, wing Chun is not the sport that. Here we come with another big difference Wing Chun is a self-defense, a pure self-defense, that with the idea that within a few seconds, if you have to fight, you will use it and you will finish the fight on your own terms, basically. So that's a big difference. I said something about the sense of touch. Basically, you can do Wing Chun also blindfolded, so that's very unique. You're feeling, with your sense of touch, your feeling, basically the intention of the opponent, and you can remove your body out of the attacking line, if you understand what I mean which enables really people to I mean weaker, smaller people to fight and defend themselves against bigger ones. That's one of the major skills, let's say. It's this sense of touch, sensing, feeling and, as I said, the masters we can do it with blindfolded, for example, we feel all the directions and so on. So that's quite interesting. But maybe the most important thing is the fact that it's a self-defense and not a sport, because 99% what you know in Cyprus and generally in Europe are all they're all sports, and sports means it needs to be fair. But the real fight is never fair.

Speaker 2: 4:39

A man attacks a woman, a bigger child attacks a smaller child, three kids attack a smaller kid, five men attack a woman, or you have a weapon, and I mean the attacker has a weapon, or both attackers have weapons and you don't have. So in sports, if you take karate, taekwondo, type boxing and so on, it's one against one. It's the same weight category. It's a 70 kilogram woman against a 70 kilogram woman or 80 kilogram men against an 80 kilogram man. You have these weight divisions. You have a ring. The ring is soft.

Speaker 2: 5:13

If you fall, if you fall on the street, it's hard. Maybe it's in the disco club. In the disco club, you have I don't know, broken glass. You cannot do ground fighting, even MMA, which is nowadays very popular. Yes, it's a sport. You have at least 50 rules that you are not allowed to hit somebody here. Here, you cannot eye gout, you cannot hit between the legs and so on. But of course, if you are a woman and there are three men that attack you, you would of course also consider kicking them between the legs Of course everywhere.

Speaker 2: 5:45

So you see, many people, they don't think about this and the question is what do I want to do? Do I want to learn a sport and get a golden medal, which is fine, or am I interested how to protect myself? And then my job, let's say, or the EWT as such and the EWT as Cyprus. We are actually teaching people how not to fight. That's also very unique. So first you learn that you can defend yourself. Let's say you would come to a few lessons and you try against men and so on.

Speaker 2: 6:13

The more you try, the more you know that it also works against men. If you face a man in the garage, let's say in the middle of the night, and whatever, going to your car, you already have an idea of what happens. So with breathing techniques and so on, you can, you can show that you know you're not in easy to get victim and by doing so already you are, you know, taking a lot of power of the attack. We know that with you know, nine out of ten ourselves can be stopped with, with body language and voice, for example that's a huge yes I want to ask you I want, yeah, definitely want to go into that, so using your voice and your body.

Speaker 1: 6:57

Can you tell me about a little bit more about this specifically?

Speaker 2: 7:01

of course, of course. So, as I said, this is not. It's very important that you have the confidence, so it always has to start with the physical techniques. However, the more you know the techniques and you know that you can defend yourself, your self confidence is rising and in that way then you know your body. You can express this with your voice, with your body language. There are different things. Very important is to say no or say stop. You know well, we're coming to another concept already, which is very important, because we are distinguishing now between self defense and self assertiveness.

Speaker 2: 7:43

Self assertiveness is a very big topic which we teach and they go hand in hand. So it's very important, in order to defend yourself, also to set boundaries. You will have individual boundaries as yourself, me, as myself, I don't know. A very simple example some fellow Cypriots, let's say, that lived in Australia not in Australia, so in South America, south Africa, south Africa particularly they like, like, they like to tap you on the shoulders, for example. You know I am a man, and so on. I personally, I don't like it. You know I'm like okay, but I know some people who absolutely don't like it, and you know there is a personal border. You may not like somebody smoking around you. I mean, there are so many things you need to be aware of. What do you allow somebody else to do within your borders or not? Who do you know like a gate? Who do you open the gate for and whom you don't? And it's many. I think that many people don't think about this, and here we're talking about and assertiveness and self defense physically later, but the one has to come before the other. So it's very important to think about the boundaries, define those boundaries.

Speaker 2: 9:01

Then the next thing is where we just talked about, you know, using voice and using body language. We're talking about defending a sort of protecting the boundaries, and then eventually, you're defending them physically if the protection part has not worked. So if you imagine a situation somebody comes close to you or, let's say, a guy asks you for a drink out that you don't know, you may say no that you don't know. No, no is a real answer. You don't have to explain why you don't want to do it and so on. No has to be a no. It's a very important thing and it's so. I'm just saying you need to know what your boundaries are. Then you need to assert yourself in that manner, around those boundaries, and if somebody doesn't understand this part of yourself assertiveness, only then do you need to use physical force.

Speaker 2: 9:55

Let's say and here I'm saying that nine out of ten cases can be can be stopped. I mean, we're going even into situations of rape and stuff like that, where when you're shouting, when you're using your voice, when you're, you know, like like a lioness, people are looking for victims and if you show that you're not a victim, they will go to somebody else. They just not gonna go into that. You know that some, that they can be found because you're shouting, people may see that and so on. So it's very important and that's the most important lesson that we can get. We have the self defense that we're learning in order not to use it, but in order to boost our self confidence. Teach the people actually how not to fight, recognize, you know, dangerous situation. All that it's a big topic and, of course, lots of things, lots of lessons to be.

Speaker 1: 10:47

I love that and I love that you actually take time to create those recognize the boundaries because, like you said, a lot of the time we're not even aware of what we might feel uncomfortable when something happens, but we don't know that that's a boundary that was crossed. So I think taking the time to actually like get to know ourselves in this way, and so you I'm guessing you also educate. You don't just go straight into the movements. There's a lot of talk and discussion around these areas, right?

Speaker 2: 11:15

for adults, for kids, of course, you know, for kids it's like I just gave you, like the setting of the boundaries, then protecting, defending, for example with a child, very simple somebody grabs the child's hand yeah it's not a very dangerous moment, but you know it can evolve.

Speaker 2: 11:35

So and why would somebody else grab you that you don't like? So we have a Passage of the boundaries, basically. So the child goes and says please, petros, leave my hand. Yes, it's a very friendly way. Now if Petros Leaves the hand, and in the body language and everything was Appropriate, most probably Petros will get a little bit scared and leave the hand.

Speaker 2: 11:59

If this didn't work, then the next stage is to us make it, make the assertive part stronger, saying Petros, you see what I'm changing from nice talking to pointing fingers. I told you with my hand. I mean it's a very simple but very how shall I say, a very strong example. Yes, and only then. The next thing you would think like okay, petros, grab my hand.

Speaker 2: 12:23

Another, I don't know, sport or whatever may teach you to hit him in the face and for kids is not appropriate. So we will just make a relief of the hand a little. We teach this kids how to say what they like to eat and they, you know, they do like I recall it, the pizza movement. They just let go. They let go of the hand by doing a nice technique and then push him a little bit away and tell him look, I told you do not touch my hand, and that's it.

Speaker 2: 12:50

You see, it's also to teach appropriately, age appropriately. Why would I teach a child to make a lethal hit that you know, like very often you have? You see that that people are Having a martial arts school and there are, like I don't know, age group 6 to to the I don't know to 70. You have like the whole range and You're just teaching something that is like the same for everybody and it's not the right thing. You know, we, for example, we teach 4 to 6, 0, 6 to 8, 9 to 12, teenagers, adults, then I do women self-defense groups, you know specifically. So I always teach Appropriately to what the people need out of this old spectrum.

Speaker 1: 13:30

Yeah, so the language varies from a child to a teenager, to a woman in a work situation.

Speaker 2: 13:36

Not just the language, also the techniques, if you you can imagine. It's like a dimmer that you have on the wall for light.

Speaker 1: 13:43

Yes.

Speaker 2: 13:45

You need to be able to. You know, because you can do harm. You need to Appropriately teach the children what do, what do I? Does a 4 to 6 year old need? He does need I don't know kicks and punches in the face is not happening in his environment. He rather needs to be assertive to you know to say that he doesn't want something and he needs to learn to Coordinate lots of things and just the simple things. 6 to 8 year olds, they already have totally different things. A woman against the men on the street if we're going out with us, that's absolutely different needs, you know, and different scenarios and all of that. So you always need to teach appropriate to what your audience really needs.

Speaker 1: 14:22

So, okay, this is really. It makes a lot of sense and you've seen a lot of cases in your school. What is the usual bullying problem? Let's take it from different groups. So, with the child in primary school, what would the most common scenarios be there? And a high school child, and then we're going to the workforce as well, because I think there's also adult, a lot of adult bullying, maybe more. So let's start with the child in primary school. What are the usual situations that they are faced with? I mean, we can guess, but it's good to hear from you. You know your children.

Speaker 2: 14:54

I mean, there are so many different forms of bullying. But we are also asking. I mean, when we teach kids, we asked them to bring us the story, what happened. Rather than be trying to Learn something or take something from you know, from somewhere, I rather work with real stories and if I have a real story, we are doing scenario trainings, and the scenario training is that you, as a Potential victim, that you have been in a situation in the school, you come when you really relieve this, this situation now being the strong one, so you put yourself back into the situation.

Speaker 2: 15:29

I take exactly the same names of the bullies. Let's say, and we replay this many, many times, and then all the other kids also replay this, and the child feels Aha, I get a solution, I know what to do now, I know what to say. And Since he had the negative experience, now he leaves this positive experience many more times. And you know, one example was that I don't know too big a kids stop the child or to go to the toilet. You know they wanted, they wanted money, so Stupid thing, but give me two euros so you cannot go to the toilet, for example. You know we had the child. We had the child yes, that then Pete's sorry in the in his pants. What happened when he came back to the class? Everybody was laughing. There was a psychologist, psychological Damage to the child. Eventually the kid, the parents had to take him out of the school, move the school and so on. You know. So that that's something that that can happen. For example, you know, from teasing, from threats, taking, taking your belongings, a cap, you know that that's the smallest form. Now in Cyprus we don't have it that much. But because we're looking into Europe and unfortunately, even though, no, there were a few months, few years ago, I don't know if you remember, there was one of the police station even there were two girls fighting, it was like a.

Speaker 2: 16:56

So there is this cases. You asked me what all the kids are doing. For example, they're filming nowadays, they, you know there is a group of four or five kids that they're doing. Yes, we have social media which are making it easier. We have the sense, sense, you know how you call it, sense, a sensationalism, sorry. You have peer pressure. You have anonymity nowadays with all of this and that that helps, helps it. How shall I say what debates those kids to do things like this? So you know, they beat the child up and then they put it later into the into the social media. So you, so then we have cyber bullying, then we have stalking. We have all of these things happening which eventually also lead to that you sometimes, somewhere, see each other. And then there is also, I mean, either physical or psychological bullying. Is goes very often together. Let's put it that way.

Speaker 1: 17:54

So you're saying when these kids come into you let's say you have a student that's been in a bullying situation at school they've come to you. You replay a new scenario, you empowering them through role play. They're like practicing the scene. So naturally you're saying they're going back into similar situations with a different confidence to handle things that come up, is this usually? Repelled. Yeah, sorry, finish.

Speaker 2: 18:15

We need to be realistic. You know that doesn't happen.

Speaker 1: 18:18

Who is?

Speaker 2: 18:19

bullied. Bullied are usually kids that are very how shall I say? Sometimes introverts. Sometimes I mean that could be different reasons. Maybe the parents don't have enough time for them, maybe the parent is bullying the child, maybe one dominant parent, you know. So there can be lots of things I mean. So you don't change particular behaviors in three lessons, that we have to be very, you know, very frank in that one. So it's a process and you need to take the kids through the process. First of all, you need to gain their trust. It's very important so that they open up to you. Then you need to really give them things and you can also not promise them that just in the next time when they go, they solve all their problems.

Speaker 2: 19:03

So it's a process. You need to work with the parents. If you have parents that are totally supportive, things are going easier. But if you have a parent that is one of the two parents that is not supportive, you all automatically need much longer time than the other parent to help more. So you know there is not one formula for all, but definitely it is hard work and it has to work. I mean trust is very important, consistent work and then building true self-defense through the techniques but also through the assertiveness training, showing the children. You know they need success. If they have the success in the class and the more success they have in the class, they can eventually do this also in the real life.

Speaker 1: 19:47

How hard is it for a child his own parent is the bully to find a way through this.

Speaker 2: 19:53

Extremely hard, extremely hard. They need somebody else, because children need somebody to look up, to follow. So if the other parent can fulfill this position, it's great. Otherwise it could be a school teacher, somebody else, and of course it has to do with the willingness in the child itself. You know how much effort. We are not magicians.

Speaker 2: 20:18

You know Exactly, not with anything, if you have one hour a week, imagine how many hours you have. That's what I'm saying. If you have some consistency and the willingness, is there. The good thing with us we have small groups. I mean, we don't have bigger classes than, let's say, 14 kids. So, and most of the times there are two teachers, so we really have the time for individual kids. We don't want bigger groups because we don't just want to teach somebody in the face. On the contrary, we need the time to transfer all this knowledge that we just spoke about.

Speaker 1: 20:52

Can you give me an example of a success, a couple of success stories you've had with your kids that have come to you and said this happened, you know. And adults watching Plenty.

Speaker 2: 21:01

You know that's something that I personally I mean. One of the reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing is all these letters that you're getting from the parents, but also from adults. You will wonder who saw some of their problems in their life. And rarely I mean in the most rare cases it's some very serious fights, you know where, and for sure not any kind of sports and so on. It's something in the self-development for adults, let's say, less stress, solving things between husband and wife, different things.

Speaker 2: 21:35

So let's start from a child, let's say, that came and learned talking in our classes. He was four years old and he couldn't speak, for whatever reason you know, and then we were playing different games and so on, because kids being children that we teach and anti-bullying, we also transferring lots of knowledge through games. So to keep the motivation high, he learned to talk in our lessons and then one of the first things that he learned is to stay soft, stop to assert himself. The same boy he had a situation in the playground where a two, three year old boy so he was four or five At that time, the other boy was seven, eight wanted to throw a brick on him and he stood in front of him and said stop, don't do this. And he really he shocked the other kid.

Speaker 1: 22:24

Yes, I think sometimes people just the reaction of shock when you use a voice that's stronger, you know, maybe you haven't been before, and then all of a sudden this voice comes out. It might also naturally jolt someone into place.

Speaker 2: 22:34

Yes, exactly. We have a slightly older girl who was about eight or nine, who was afraid to go to school because she was bullied. Eventually, within about six to 12 months, she was there six, seven months. She really managed and her mother was absolutely. She couldn't believe it and since then she's writing all over the place how we are doing this. I mean we are really doing this and we are really grateful when people say what we are doing because we love what we're doing and there are these results. It's we have a lawyer mother, let's say, who is divorced and have both children they have. They didn't have such a good relationship with a divorced father, let's say. But since they're doing Wing Chun, they could assert themselves better in a nice way.

Speaker 2: 23:23

You know, self-assertiveness has many faces. If you're dealing with a stranger in a totally different way than you're dealing with somebody you said, for example, at the workplace, if it's your boss, for example, you cannot just use the same language in a family is the same thing. So you know, assertiveness mainly means that you are on the same level, that you're not letting somebody bully you and you're also not aggressive bullying somewhere. But you learn to communicate on the how you say this in English, when you look each other in the eyes. Basically, you know on the same, on the same length.

Speaker 2: 24:00

So that is the thing that we were teaching and Wing Chun is a method let's say that we're using in order to do these bigger, more important things. Let's say you know also me for myself, I'm like more than 30, 35 years in martial arts and so on. It would be relatively boring if it was just to show somebody how to hit somebody. You know it's a tool. It's a tool and it's a way of life actually, through where you're using these tools, but actually we're making people live a better life. Let's say, develop these kind of things. This is-.

Speaker 1: 24:36

You know, it sounds to me also. You're giving a sense of community and belonging, whereas a lot of the people that come to you sound like they maybe are struggling with belonging or fitting in. You're also giving them that kind of sense of family, like you said. And there goes the seafood concept. Now it makes it more sense.

Speaker 2: 24:54

One of our motives in the EWTO is that we are family, and you know we are family. There are so many different masters, so many students and we all we're doing seminars. Every month there is somewhere, a nice place, I don't know, you'd say, in Mallorca, it is somewhere in Italy, tuscany, cyprus, and so on. Every month there is some nice place and there are like a few hundred people gathering and very often they don't know each other, but they immediately connect. You know they have the same topic somehow. Then whom do you know then the grades that we do? You know you find somebody who is level three with another level three and they quickly make. So you're making friendships within more than 60 countries.

Speaker 1: 25:34

That's really end, wow. So yeah, I think that naturally builds confidence. So you might start with very little, but even this you know. You're forcing yourself to talk to more people and to connect at a deeper level, which I think we're missing in our society this connection, this feeling connected and being seen, heard and understood. I think is crucial.

Speaker 2: 25:56

Yes, I agree with you.

Speaker 1: 25:58

Yeah, so I think you know how I had all these questions we've touched. You've covered a lot of this through just our discussions and only the 20 question patience for you.

Speaker 2: 26:07

Yes, because it's interrelated it's interrelated exactly.

Speaker 1: 26:11

So there is one that I did want to ask you that we didn't touch on, which is relating to the psychology of the actual bully, because I think that is the profile of a person who also needs help. And can we understand that a little bit more and do you also help in that situation? Because some of the kids that might come to you have also been a bully role, right?

Speaker 2: 26:29

Many bullies are bullied. Yes, for example, in our just what we spoke today, where the father, for example, or the mother, is bullying their child and then, because the child is bullied at home, he becomes a bully. So there is always a reason. I mean, naturally, a child let's start from a child comes to this world very innocent and then it depends on the factors, how he or she grows, what life brings, in order to then bring the bully. Yes, of course, we are in the lessons, we are balancing this out. I mean, as I said, the assertive behavior is in the middle. You know you don't want somebody to look down, but you also don't want to look down on somebody. So we are working on both sides, definitely, and there it always goes to show what is the right way.

Speaker 2: 27:25

Again, you need to. You know, with kids and teenagers, you in the martial art, you have the chance to become like a leader figure. As soon as they connect to you, then you have more to say. If they don't buy that what you're doing, they will never open. They will say, like you know, what do you want?

Speaker 2: 27:42

But so you need to be careful. You need to build this trust relationship again, and then, of course you need to also put some rules and then generally make people. We want to be good. You need to give the individuals. You know that there is also not a general formula. You need to take every individual individually and work from there where you're taking him, and generally that's something that we do. If you have a class, the job is not to bring all 14 kids from here to here, but you have to take the individual where he is at that moment that he enters your class and you need to make him from there where he is, to bring him to a higher level in comparison to the one that you met him initially. So that is an individual work.

Speaker 1: 28:34

Makes a lot of sense yeah, a lot of work, but it's worth the reward.

Speaker 2: 28:37

It sounds you see what I can tell you also what may be interesting in all of this, because we're talking about violence. I mean, when we define these borders or boundaries, there is de-escalation is a very important thing for kids and adults, and of course, that also works a little bit different. And I don't know if you personally, if you ever thought when does the fight start, what would you say? Or how does the fight start?

Speaker 1: 29:01

Did you ever think of that? I think when somebody says something, usually it's words, isn't it? Or a?

Speaker 2: 29:06

look Correct. Yes, I would even go so I would say there is a ladder of escalation. Or you can also look at it from the other way and see it as a ladder of de-escalation. So a fight, let's say, starts with looking. You know it looks. I'm looking for my victim, so I'm looking like who looks like a victim, and then I would say something and they are correct. That would be the second phase. So first phase is looking. Second phase is like making a contact. For example, very typically, the English speaking world is like why are you eyeballing me?

Speaker 2: 29:40

Oh, yes, so you know, and then you are creating a closer distance with the intention to see how is your potential victim reacting, is he a victim or is he not a victim? And then if you actually can tick the list and you say, hi, is my victim. Then we have the next phase, which is pushing, spitting, finger pointing, which is already physical, not physical, actually, the real fight that you will find in other martial arts, as you mentioned before. You know already too many things happened before you start punching and kicking, and that's the phase four. And the fifth phase is when you go on the ground, which nowadays also with all these kids that are filming and so on, there are like four, five kids that first grappled you and then throw you on the ground and then they kick you in the ribs and then they had sounds very ugly, but it's unfortunately the reality that you see this more and more.

Speaker 2: 30:34

And so we're coming to the de-escalation. The idea is that, on the look already, when you feel that somebody looks at you, there are ways how you can de-escalate or, if you manage on that level, the escalate on the talking level. We do this a lot with the end, with kids and adults, and so the idea is to I told you before, are we teaching people how not to fight? So if you are assertive enough, if you have the tools, then you need to use this escalation ladder and try to de-escalate as early as possible, knowing that if it comes to level four and five and ground and whatever, then you also know what to do. So you say like, okay, I know what I need to do, but I can fix it before.

Speaker 1: 31:16

How can you de-escalate a look? Someone's giving me a look. I'm not happy. What can I do straight away?

Speaker 2: 31:22

Yes, for example, in the women's self-defense courses, I do it. I put two women opposite each other, let's say on a 10 meters distance. Let's say and imagine now, first I come, I start coming towards you. So you are standing there and I'm coming towards you and I'm looking at you. How are you looking? If you're looking down, for example, you're showing me.

Speaker 2: 31:45

And for example, if you show too much, okay, between men and women, that's again a different story. If a woman shows to a man that she stands for herself, it's a good thing. If a man also starts to posture too much, it may be too much and it may also lead to a fight. But a woman, it's very good. And then very often I can see that ladies, there is on a five to four meter distance, you are too big and too strong, and there is like you can see the giving up already and which is a very strong sign. You can watch shoulders and stuff like that. And then I say, okay, imagine now what would happen if behind you was your child, a baby child that that guy, which is me, would want to take. Oh, wow changes everything.

Speaker 2: 32:28

Imagine that same woman changes within a second and you can see that there is the manner that protects.

Speaker 1: 32:36

Yeah, powerful actually.

Speaker 2: 32:37

Yes, these are the things when we're talking about boys, men and so on. If you're looking too wrong somebody into the eyes, it's too it's wrong. If you're looking too short, it's also wrong. So if you just look at my eyes and I look down, problem. If I look like I'm counting two seconds 21, 22, which is more or less the correct counting of seconds 21, 22, and then you don't look down but you look to the side and that's it so. Or if you have a bully that you know already, you go something like you say hey, all good, there are ways, there are ways. So these are just a few examples.

Speaker 1: 33:12

As a parent let's say, someone doesn't go to Wing Chun what are some of the things we can start to share with our children or as a teacher in a classroom that they can take away from just listening to this to start doing? I'm not saying it's going to solve everything, but it's going to give them some kind of tool to use and to teach. I know it's kind of reduced a lot in a few, but is there anything?

Speaker 2: 33:35

I'm a parent myself, you know. I believe in that that it's very important to support the children. It's very important to talk to kids. Many books that I read also about bullying and so on, from different countries. You feel that the children are very often isolated in a way that they don't have this close relationship to their parents that they should have.

Speaker 2: 33:58

Then, of course, you know if a child is bullied. You can see this by different signs. Maybe some things are disappearing, maybe some scratches, bruises and so on. I mean, these are the external factors. Or, of course, the best thing is if you have an open relationship with your child so that the child would tell you everything. Yes, you need to. One of the most important things is that children need to learn. I think as a school teacher, you learn this as well that we need to encourage them to learn their secrets. The secrets are one of the biggest tools that bullies can use in order to get what they want and say like if you say this and I'm going to do this and all of these things. So you need to have a very honest relationship, very open, with your child in order to prevent this kind of things and you need to tell them that this may happen, and you know. So when it happens that they know, my parent told me, and so I'm going to talk about this.

Speaker 1: 34:54

Yeah, I think I want to ask you to encourage them, because some kids are hard to express themselves. So does it also help to share your life with them, because I think, as parents, we forget to talk about ourselves.

Speaker 2: 35:06

I disagree with some other people close people about that same topic me as a parent and I believe that I've done quite well so far on this particular line is that I can see that my kids are very honest to me and I don't think that we can just ask. We also need to give, so it means we also need to be very open. I mean, I'm very, very from experience sure about this, that it has to go both ways. So we need to share, also when it's sometimes you know some things that we wouldn't like to share, but we are showing that we are doing it. So we are leading with an example in sake.

Speaker 1: 35:44

Yeah, even if it's a story from school days or so that they can connect right, because sometimes we just expect them to tell us well, how did school go? And they don't feel that motivation. They feel also embarrassed to tell us some things because they also, you know, they almost see you like that person that's harming them at school. You know, in that not trust factor of expressing it right. So, yeah, it's got to go both ways.

Speaker 2: 36:09

As they become teenagers, you know. And then the question is also are you going to share something intimate with them from your life? Because you will want to start getting to know some of the intimate things. So I also, there believe that we should.

Speaker 1: 36:22

That's my personal opinion yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe not too much detail, but at least that's always, of course, the details.

Speaker 2: 36:32

But you have no secrets. Everything that is bothering you, you share it with them which means they will share it in turn. So also not this pretending that it's child.

Speaker 1: 36:41

Yeah, that can go. Yeah, which we want to do sometimes because we just want to get things rolling. Damn it Like the old days. Yeah, totally see you. So yeah, just as we rounding off the episode, just wanted to ask you about some advice you would give to someone who is struggling with self doubt or lack of confidence. How can they use some of these principles to cultivate some inner strength?

Speaker 2: 37:06

Well, you know, by by yourself. Really, things are happening. I mean, either you read a book you're lucky to find the book that is written for you I'm sure that you, like me, sometimes we find the book and say like that book is written for me and you know or you watch a movie and then it motivates you to. I don't know. I started Wing Chun because I love Bruce Lee, for example, and most of the people that I know they started because they love Bruce Lee. So about your question, it's usually you need some help, you need a mentor, you need somebody that identifies that problem that you have and then like Wing Chun lessons, for example, and then, as I said previously, it takes some time. There are some steps. You see, you actually want to be assertive, but in order to be assertive, you're learning first how to fight or how to defend yourself, because only after you've done that you can be assertive. Don't just get assertive just because you want to be assertive. So it's a process.

Speaker 1: 38:04

Wow, very lot of great information here today, and I wanted to end off by asking you if you have a special quote or a saying or a mentor from a book that helps you the way you guide students that you encounter or how you lead your own life.

Speaker 2: 38:22

Well, there are many, many quotes that I like. I mean from Bruce Lee. There are many from different philosophers, but there is this one, since we're talking about fighting it's not the size of the dog in a fight, but it's the fight in the dog. That's from Mark Twain, for example, which I think it's something that shows about resilience, because resilience is very, very important in our main topic today, the bullying. Resilience most of the time decides about the winner or loser, at least how you feel about it. So, three people falling from their airplane somewhere in Alaska or whatever, only one survives because that one was saying all the time I'm going to live, I'm going to live, I'm going to live, I'm going to live. You know resilience, and eventually he's found the other ones that just gave up. So the main idea is not to give up but to just believe and, you know, just go forward, and that's very important. So that's why maybe that quote fits too.

Speaker 1: 39:26

That's brilliant. Thank you so much for this and your time. I really enjoyed talking to you and learning more about what you do, and we're going to show and add all the show notes of Wing Tsung and I know there's schools all around Cyprus and internationally as well. So if you could send me, all those links and we'll put them in the show notes so people can access if they need. And where can they find you? If anybody wants to find you, either online.

Speaker 2: 39:49

Where are you? Mostly, I don't know. Facebook, instagram, you can find me.

Speaker 1: 39:54

Okay, brilliant. Thank you again, Seifu.

Speaker 2: 39:58

Thank you very much for inviting me.