Discover the secret to flourishing in life's complex social garden as we sit down with the wonderful Christiana Genie to explore the art of setting boundaries. This episode shares what's necessary to help us carve out the space needed to thrive, much like a flower requires room to bloom. We dig into the nuances of creating boundaries, examining important aspects of time, physical space, and mental boundaries.
With Christiana's expertise, learn to navigate the often uncomfortable process of asserting your personal space amidst societal expectations that may have previously left you doubting the importance of your own needs. Christiana also shares her wisdom on strengthening self-worth and engaging in the deep inner work necessary to recognize, establish, and uphold your personal boundaries.
Transitioning these insights to the workplace, strategies for aligning core values with professional environment are revealed, empowering you to seek harmony rather than discord in your career trajectory.
In this episode we're left with valuable insights on how to confidently cultivate our personal and professional lives!
Thank you, Christiana Genie, for the enriching dialogue and to you, our listeners, for joining us on this journey towards self-leadership and growth.
The information provided in Midweek Insights is for general informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. Listeners should seek professional advice relevant to their specific circumstances before making any decisions.
While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date information, the dynamic nature of certain topics may result in changes or updates. Midweek Insights does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness, or suitability of information discussed in the episodes.
Guests on Midweek Insights express their own opinions, which may not necessarily align with the views of the host. We encourage listeners to form their own opinions based on additional research and diverse perspectives.
Discover the secret to flourishing in life's complex social garden as we sit down with the wonderful Christiana Genie to explore the art of setting boundaries. This episode shares what's necessary to help us carve out the space needed to thrive, much like a flower requires room to bloom. We dig into the nuances of creating boundaries, examining important aspects of time, physical space, and mental boundaries.
With Christiana's expertise, learn to navigate the often uncomfortable process of asserting your personal space amidst societal expectations that may have previously left you doubting the importance of your own needs. Christiana also shares her wisdom on strengthening self-worth and engaging in the deep inner work necessary to recognize, establish, and uphold your personal boundaries.
Transitioning these insights to the workplace, strategies for aligning core values with professional environment are revealed, empowering you to seek harmony rather than discord in your career trajectory.
In this episode we're left with valuable insights on how to confidently cultivate our personal and professional lives!
Thank you, Christiana Genie, for the enriching dialogue and to you, our listeners, for joining us on this journey towards self-leadership and growth.
The information provided in Midweek Insights is for general informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. Listeners should seek professional advice relevant to their specific circumstances before making any decisions.
While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date information, the dynamic nature of certain topics may result in changes or updates. Midweek Insights does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness, or suitability of information discussed in the episodes.
Guests on Midweek Insights express their own opinions, which may not necessarily align with the views of the host. We encourage listeners to form their own opinions based on additional research and diverse perspectives.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Okay, so welcome back, lovely listeners, to another episode of Midweek Insights. Today we're diving into the topic that is very close to a lot of our hearts and one that we have to navigate daily the topic of boundaries, and I'm very excited to have back with me again today the wonderful Christiana Jeanie, who we have had on the show before, and Christiana is passionate about helping leaders to set boundaries with confidence, to excel in life and career and, most importantly, to do it all without guilt and without fear. So, christiana, thank you for being back.
Christiana Genie:
Such a pleasure, such a pleasure for me to be here again, and I loved our previous discussion, and so when you invited, it was like, yes, we're going to have another one.
Dezzy Charalambous:
That's exactly how I felt, because I learned so much from you in the last one and I want to keep learning from you, so yay. So, christiana, I want to start because I know this is an important topic for you, boundaries, and let's start with the importance of this topic. Why is it such an important one for you and in the work you do?
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, Well, actually, when I started giving attention to boundaries, I realized how important they are. So, in my process as well in life process, but also with my coaches I noticed that if you don't have the ability to set the boundaries, then your involvement is much, much harder than it is when you set the boundaries. And the reason is like imagine this flower and having weed around it that is covering the flower is going to be a lot harder for it to bloom and to grow, instead of I take out all that weed that it's covering it right and it has the space to get sunshine, to get air. So it's the same with us. If we don't create the space in order to evolve so I can nourish myself as well, I can give to my flower what it's needed in order to bloom. So, basically, boundaries it's the main aspect of growth and most of the people don't take consideration of boundaries when they are on their path to growth.
Christiana Genie:
They let either their time boundaries, their physical space boundaries, even their mental boundaries, get crossed by other people, and then they're wondering why am I not moving forward? But you're not moving forward because you're not giving the space to create a safe environment for you to move forward.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense actually. So I was going to ask you what are boundaries exactly and what are they not? So you've touched on. You said boundaries with time, physical and mental. Can you just elaborate a little bit on what it is and what it isn't, so that then we can go a little deeper with it?
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, so taking consideration a house, I mean in the previous times they didn't have fences, they didn't have anything right. What was the reason they created the fences? There were people that were not understanding that that was my house.
Christiana Genie:
And you got not allowed to come in. So basically, boundaries is our way of keeping other people out of our personal space. This is done by taking care and saying no about how I'm going to use my time. I'm going to choose to use my time because we see with many people, if I ask you to go and do something for me and you say straight away yes, then I'm going to ask you again and I'm going to ask you again and I'm going to ask you again, but I'm taking away from your time.
Christiana Genie:
So the same way with the physical, especially with mothers we see this a lot Like we don't have physical boundaries.
Christiana Genie:
It means that we have no space and no time to be alone. Also, privacy comes in, like everybody has access to you all day long, so boundaries is what is keeping them away. It's like I'm telling them that this is my circle. Sometimes I call it the hula hoop. This is my hula hoop, and within the hula hoop, I will choose who's going to get in. Otherwise you're going to stay out, and basically it's about keeping it as well. It's called boundary because it's something that we have to set but also have to keep. Many times we see that we set the boundary but then we don't keep it, so there's not actually a boundary there.
Dezzy Charalambous:
This is obviously something that people find hard to do. Step one to set to find out what are my actual boundaries, because I think many people don't even know or haven't taken the time to get to know themselves in this way. So how can we start to notice, like, how can I start to set my boundaries and notice what is a boundary for me? And then the second step is how can I start, like, maintain and keep in practice, because I'm guessing it's like a muscle that we need to keep working. It's not just something we do once, right?
Christiana Genie:
But let's say first was making it difficult to set the boundaries because, we learn when we grow up that we shouldn't have boundaries. For example, your auntie comes at your house and she wants to kiss you and hug you and you don't want. But, every time you tell her it's your auntie, you shouldn't do it.
Christiana Genie:
So they are teaching us to let people cross our boundaries all the time. So we grow up and we have no idea what is a boundary and how to put it, because we feel that if we set the boundary, we're going to be acoustic or we're going to be like bad people because we are hurting other people. We're letting them down.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Disappointing, yeah, yeah.
Christiana Genie:
So first, we need to understand that if we feel difficulty in setting the boundary, it's fine, but based on our programming, this is what we are meant to be feeling. Secondly, you have to accept that feeling of guilt, that feeling of discomfort, because if you don't accept it, then you will not be able to set the boundary. Boundaries come with this type of feelings. They come with feeling guilty, feeling that I'm acoustic, feeling that people will think that I'm a very bad person.
Dezzy Charalambous:
No, stop that, I'm not myself.
Christiana Genie:
Yes, so you have to accept that. Yes, I am acoustic. If this means acoustic for you, I am, it's all right, I don't mind, I'm going to set the boundary anyway.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah.
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, so how do you set the boundaries? First of all, you know, by your feelings.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah.
Christiana Genie:
Let's say, for example, you have a friend and she calls you 10 times a day. I mean you love her and you care about her, but it's getting tiring. You know it's getting tiring.
Christiana Genie:
I cannot talk to her 10 times a day because I have other things to do and you let her do it because you feel sorry for her, because you love her, but you know in your feelings that something must happen in order to make this relationship healthier. And that is actually telling her what you don't like about what she's doing. This is the boundary about putting every person in your life in a place that it doesn't make you feel negative emotions. So sometimes you'll say, oh, my god, I have put on weight. I don't feel very comfortable, I don't feel energetic. Okay, so what do you have to do? I need to go to the gym, I need to take care of my nutrition. So what's in your way? I'm running every day after the kids to take them to the lessons, to cook, to do, do, do. So it seems that you're not creating the space to do what you have to do to feel better. So there is a need for boundary.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, but what would you say to people that genuinely, they have maybe no help and they know they need to set boundaries, but they also have all these things because it's all on them, no matter. You know they have the need, but what are the simple steps that they can actually take to start putting small little boundaries in to make it manageable?
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, well, there is a question that always helps, which is if you had a severe illness and you had to go to the doctor who was going to take care of them Okay, so it's so important. So ask that person to take care of them for one hour and just go and do a little bit of what you need to do. You don't need to go for the big picture all the time. Just give yourself even the least, like, for example, the other day we had this discussion with this lady and she was telling me that she wants to go to the gym and she wants to lose weight and stuff like that. And then I was saying so what's the obstacle? She said I'm always with my children and I have no one to take care of them, and she had a problem with her hormones some time ago.
Christiana Genie:
So I said okay, so when you were going to the doctor who was taking care of them, and she said my mother, it's okay, so call your mother once more to come and take care of them, even though you know that she's working, she's tired or that. But one time it's not going to do anything to her and you're going to fill your cup so you can give. So I would say just find your resources. Sometimes maybe you need to pay. So you tell me now that maybe they don't have the money. But you have to choose what you will sacrifice. Sometimes maybe you need to like find a babysitter or ask from a friend or you know, I don't know. Take them somewhere to do the activity so you can get the space to fill your cup if it makes sense.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yes, definitely. And what are the challenges of you know? Just come up when you sit with your clients and you try and help them find their boundaries. What are these things that pop up, maybe time and time again, a pattern that you're seeing.
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, mindset the role, the big M will the role.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Okay, can you expand on that a bit? Yeah?
Christiana Genie:
I would say, it is never the circumstances.
Dezzy Charalambous:
I think a lot of people?
Christiana Genie:
I guess it is.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah.
Christiana Genie:
Don't tell me.
Dezzy Charalambous:
I mean, yes, you probably get a lot of fight back on that one, so, yeah, go on, defend it.
Christiana Genie:
I do I do? I do because most of us, we will see one way of the situation. We will not search for the other ways of the situation, and there are always at least one. There's always at least one. And, for example, with this lady I said why don't you exercise at home?
Christiana Genie:
I mean, I know that you want to go walking, but why don't you exercise at home? I just, oh, I haven't thought of that. Yeah, but you didn't search to find it. You didn't search, you just said I cannot do it because I don't have anybody to help me.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, I think we go into default as well, like this running pattern, like you say of you know it's always like this and you don't actually, because it's on such repeat that you haven't challenged it in yourself and it's immediately the go to place or the excuse comes first, right, yeah, and we have this tendency, you know, to be stuck in drama. Yes, it's like, yeah, we like dramas.
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, I mean it's like come on, you have seen better things to teach us since childhood instead of, you know, getting us stuck in drama and being there and being there, and being there. We have to get out of that, you know. It's this mindset of being helpless.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah.
Christiana Genie:
I cannot do it. You know I cannot do it. Hey, you don't search. Of course you cannot do it. You know it's like, but you see, it's like we're discussing before. When you make the decision to support yourself, you will find the steps.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, and probably you're going to get pushed back as well from the people around you that are used to you being a certain way in the beginning, and this will probably make you feel a lot worse, right, but then long term, it's worth it, because they will also learn how to get others to respect, especially with children, I'm thinking. They will see from you that you have your boundaries and maybe they will adopt this in their lives with their friendships or in their own way. So if we're constantly like, accessible to them, we're teaching them too right how to be with their friends and their relationships. So how can we start to help guide clients or people that we work with to recognize how to start setting these healthy boundaries? The recognition part.
Christiana Genie:
So first helps to understand what their goals are, what their wishes are. So from there, when you start realizing that you know, I want to start my own company, let's say, okay, okay. So who's getting in the way? My parents are getting in the way because they're telling me that you know they're causing me fear and they will not support me and stuff like that. So in what way are they getting in the way? When I discuss with them, they start telling me all these things and then I get demotivated and stuff like that.
Christiana Genie:
So here is one boundary you have to set. First of all, why do you discuss it with them? So the first boundary is to yourself and them, not to discuss this subject with them. So you have to say, look, we're not discussing this subject anymore. If you're not willing to help, there's no reason that you know about what I'm going to do. So you put a boundary there. So what I mean is you decide what is your goal and then you see what is the limitation and what is causing it. And there, absolutely, you will find the boundaries that you have to set, because sometimes in boundaries to ourselves, to create the time to create what they want.
Christiana Genie:
I need to set a boundary, either to my physical space, so I can work Right, or to the people that are affecting me negatively. I will keep them out by not discussing and actually sometimes, with the people that we have, discussions that afterwards we feel drained, those people you have to kick out of your life. It's difficult sometimes to admit my own parents and I'm like the only ones you cannot kick out are your children because, they're under 18.
Christiana Genie:
If they're over 18, you can still kick them out as well. It's difficult. I know that it's difficult.
Dezzy Charalambous:
We will just not give them that time that they're going to complain about. Maybe it's hard to kick out people from your life. You've known some people your whole life, but maybe just a little space.
Christiana Genie:
Sometimes some people even are closest to us are very toxic. So maybe I don't kick them out like I'm not going to see you again, but I'm going to see you so little that you're not going to affect my process.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Apart from like we feel drained with around these people, are there any other signs we can start just to notice what is toxic about some relationships for us?
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, one thing that is really important is how attentive they are to your needs.
Christiana Genie:
Like, let's say, you have a partner and you say, you know what, I want to do this in your course and I want to expand on this, and they say, okay, go and do it, but nothing, no, help, no, you ask them to take the kids for some time so you can do that and they don't cooperate. So this is also toxic. I mean being in a cooperation, in a relationship and having the other person not supporting your dreams it's also toxic. So am I also need to put in boundary there, you know, and I might create my space that I will expand on my training and my career without this person. So where this is going to lead, then it will show. You might feel it with other aspects, but you might not feel it, and then you see that the relationship is at the place that is not very good for either and you decide what you're going to do. So one thing is this to see how attentive they are to your own needs, how they care about your own dreams.
Christiana Genie:
If they listen to you, if they give you space to do what you want. I think that the most toxic trade is controlling and criticizing. It's draining you so much is like whatever you do has to be either diminished or criticized, as you should have done differently. Then you just this stack and there is a great need for boundaries with those people. But the problem is that for you to let someone else to criticize and diminish you, it means that your self image needs to have to work a little bit with your self image because you're allowing that behavior.
Christiana Genie:
And then boundary might be very, very difficult, because For you to allow this behavior it means that it was difficult from the beginning to create your hula hoop, so now it might be more challenging. There you might need to get a little bit of help by some people.
Dezzy Charalambous:
And you can turn these relationships around right. It might just be a matter of that the person has not learned that this is not okay, right, that they've just been getting away with it, or that they don't know there's another way, so not to make them, I think, the villain also. I think that other person on the outside might also have their own journey about how to deal with people, and you could be the teacher in that way, I guess, through your example, right? Because sometimes I think yeah, go on.
Dezzy Charalambous:
No, I was just gonna say because we also sometimes condemn that and walk away from things too easily. But I think, without working on certain and of course some things have their cut off and they need to end but are there ways as well to just start to work with something that has some value as well, that has some good, and not just disregard every criticism as toxic. It's a fine line.
Christiana Genie:
Yes, it's a fine line, but you know, if you see the other person that is also trying for this relationship, you're not gonna let it go. I mean, I think nobody will let their relationship go if both are trying because you see the other person. Maybe they're criticizing you because they learned from their childhood as well to be criticized and then criticized.
Christiana Genie:
But if you see them that you know they are conscious of their words and you know, oh, she criticized me but she realized and then she said sorry, I did the same then I appreciate it. But if I say something that I see very often, it's like they say you know you're crossing my boundaries or you don't show respect and say this is all in your head.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yes, no, then that's when it's a problem. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Christiana Genie:
So if you see the other person trying, yes, it is worth trying, but if you see that like 10, 20, 100 times that you asked for supporting, you don't have it.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, so, yeah. So what can those people in those situations start to do when it's constant criticism? Like to start to show here are my new boundaries. Maybe I haven't shown it before, but I've learned something new, and now I want to apply it to our relationship or our friendship.
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, well, I think there is no way around other than growing within you your self image For the people that have great difficulty in setting boundaries. They need to learn that they can start listening to podcasts like this one, read books, get help from professionals in order to strengthen their inner core, to understand that they are worthy of respect, they are worthy of love, because in order to allow everybody stepping into your space, it means that you don't feel worthy of that. Yeah, and it's something that you need to do within you because you can start setting them boundaries.
Christiana Genie:
But if you haven't done it yet and your self image is crushed, then it's going to be very difficult to keep it because you don't know how to do it and you don't believe that you deserve the boundary, so self image is very important as far as boundaries are concerned.
Dezzy Charalambous:
It takes a lot.
Christiana Genie:
It takes some work you know, it's not as easy as sometimes it can be Okay, tell me who I'm going to set the boundary. Okay, step one, let's spend like three to six months and you will set the boundaries.
Dezzy Charalambous:
just fine, yeah yeah, it's a process as well, and it's going to be back and forth right and you're going to also be learning about yourself and seeing what new boundaries have come up, because I think the more you do your inner work, you discover more boundaries that you have or that you didn't notice before and with different relationships. And I want to take this conversation a little bit to the professional world, because there it's, I think, sometimes harder to set boundaries when you have a boss and you have all these expectations on your time and on your day. What tips can we give to people in the working world that also need to start setting some boundaries with their colleagues or with their bosses, and how can they do this?
Christiana Genie:
Well, one thing that I believe helps is to know clearly what are the expectations. We see very often that people will go into positions that are not completely clear what the expectations are, and then they are asked to do things that are in the gray area and they don't know if they should or shouldn't. But they believe that I'm going to do this because I don't want to show that I'm not cooperative. But then another thing in the gray area comes up If you're clear of what is the expectation for you helps a lot, yeah, helps. You set the boundaries, because you can say look, this was not in the things that I should be doing in this job, so it's difficult for me to do this as well, because I'm doing what I must to be doing. So that one. Then, with the companies that I visit, a great thing is the values of the company to be aligned with the values of their working staff, because if the values are not aligned, then it's very difficult to stay there and like it.
Christiana Genie:
And so, for example, let's say that you have the great value of freedom, ok, and you go to this company, that the timetable is very strict. They are pushing you very much to do things that you cannot do in that specific time frame. They are checking up on you all the time. This is going to be helpful for you, because freedom is your main value. So you went to a company. That's like going into a relationship with a person that is guiding every step. It's the same thing. So you can ask for the freedom, like you can say you know this would work better, or could we do that?
Dezzy Charalambous:
You can ask for it.
Christiana Genie:
But long term, if you see that you are not aligned with the values of your workspace, you shouldn't push yourself so much, because in the end it's like the relationships.
Christiana Genie:
It's the same thing. In the end you're gonna train yourself. Nobody else will get hurt from that except you. Yeah, like I had this lady. She was working in a. She had a high position in a very well known accounting firm and she was not happy at all. She was a little bit bullied as well, so she was not happy of what was happening and she was doing coaching at that time. She said I wanna leave, but everybody's telling me that I'm crazy, because it's such a good position, yeah, and I get so much money and rest, yeah, but you're suffering. You know your soul is sad, it's not. Anyway. She left, she went to another company and at the beginning everything was fine and she was given, she was taken care of and they had good connection. But then the boss was so critical and so pushy that she started again feeling bad and she again said I'm gonna leave again.
Dezzy Charalambous:
You know.
Christiana Genie:
I mean her family was keep telling her that you go to these jobs and then you leave and something is wrong with you. Balance, yeah, she left again. She went to another company. She was not happy again and we had the same discussion. So she changed three companies in the years, something like that, and now she got a job in a company. It's the absolute healthy corporate environment.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Okay, good it had a happy ending there. I was worried that there wouldn't be a happy ending.
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, but I mean there is not an end. That's the thing. Odi, if she likes it there, she will stay, but if she feels like something is happening and she's not happy, I mean, come on, it's our life.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, I think the difficulty there becomes with you know there's a balance between how long do you stay, how much do you learn from that environment, and then also the worry of it how it looks on your CV when you've like changed three jobs in the lot. You know this is real as well the side of things. But what you said is so real too. Like we start to turn this internally and it affects our health, it affects everything else and if we're not making those changes to suit what values we have, this is going to be an ongoing life challenge.
Christiana Genie:
You know what I mean. It was something that we discussed about here in interviews as well, and it seems that it worked good. When she said I'm going to have so many changes in such a short period of time and it's going to look bad, I said, okay, talk about it. Talk about it in your letter that you're going to send with it and talk about it in your interview and say that your absolute goal was to find a company Brilliant, yeah. So I didn't find it there and I'm determined to keep searching until I find it, and I feel you know what I mean.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, I think many of us are scared to show that or to have that conversation. But the way if you take ownership of it and you know because you're also interviewing the person that you're working for right In a way, to see if it's a fit right, To see if this is, you know, for me as well, yeah, yeah, it's like telling them as well that you know my hopes are up for your company, that you're going to be able to offer this, so it balances it. Yeah.
Christiana Genie:
It's not like I'm going from a space of you know, the incompetent to keep a job. I have been committed to all my jobs.
Dezzy Charalambous:
It's just that the environment and the relationship for me is very important.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Correct. Yeah, and I think that comes with a certain strength to be able to say that and you know yeah. And also then you know if somebody doesn't respect that, they're not going to respect other things in. You know that you're going to do in the company, so maybe it's better to cut the losses before you start and go down that route. You're being clear and they know what to expect from you and you're getting their reaction to that too. So I think it's a two-sided thing for them and for you if you're aligned with each other. What about just a couple more before we end off with colleagues, because there's also lots of boundaries with your colleagues. So some tips on how to navigate if they are particularly difficult or if they're giving us their work, or any kind of tips with dealing with working environment situations like that.
Christiana Genie:
So I'll tell you what I see and it kind of warring a little bit. In these situations, it depends a lot from the manager of the team. For example, what boy is he happening is I have this colleague that's giving me a hard time and instead of me having to manage the situation, of course I'm going to speak and say you know, that's something I don't like, and stuff like that. I prefer to go to my manager. That's why they are manager right, they're managers because they manage the team and tell the manager that you know this discrimination is happening or this thing is happening. Please examine it.
Christiana Genie:
Unfortunately, what we see because the correct way is this, and also it's better to do it by text email, because you have it written down. So you're taking responsibility of the issue that you're raising and then you are expecting a solution or an approach from your management. So what we tend to see is managers not doing their jobs. So it is important because you will set the boundary with your colleague, but setting boundaries with colleagues means like talking less, cheat chat less. You don't need to cheat chat a lot with your colleagues, especially if you don't have the same values. You just do your work and, in case that you express yourself to them and they don't take consideration or respect it, then it's good to write an email to your manager and say that there is this case. I'm finding it difficult to approach it.
Christiana Genie:
Please show me the guidance Some guidance, yeah, yeah, so the manager now must come and set the balance in the team. They can set it either by having a meeting with each one or both and say you know, this is happening in this company, we have this, or they create a new one. A new rule and say that you know, are you gonna be doing this and you're gonna be doing this and I'm expecting to see this behavior.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Clear outlines, clear procedures yeah.
Christiana Genie:
It's very important, especially the writing part. Most of them will say yeah, but that's all. Yes, but in tweets they might forget or they might say you didn't tell me, but if you have the email, yeah, it's on paper. It's sent forward.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, and it's clear. You get time to think of. You know, without being emotional, right To really think through what are the real issues. I mean, it could be a personal thing, I don't like that person, they don't like me, but we don't wanna stick to that, right. You wanna make it about the work in that situation, I guess, right.
Christiana Genie:
And also yes, and also, if I may suggest something, it's always in your email that you're gonna complain or request something. Always have what is the outcome that you are expecting. For example, you might say they're giving me their responsibilities to complete and I have no problem whatsoever to help them out, but I would like to be given the space from 9 o'clock to 11.30 to work on my projects and then I can support them, not to call me all the time. So it's like you're also giving your manager a way to help you, instead of letting them hanging and trying to find what is wrong and losing time in the process.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, it reminds me of the parent-child relationship, when you're just going to complain without just finding the solution for yourself, right, so we can learn that and teach that to the people around us. Brilliant.
Christiana Genie:
So I think in leadership it's like the same principles applied to both.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, I often say that my children, I promise you they are my biggest teachers because I've learned so much about how to try and lead. I'm not going to say I always get it right, because sometimes they're the leaders. Yeah, to try and get. I think positive influence over them gets you more results. Like when you have a positive relationship, you can ask them for something. They'll do it with joy. But if there's a lot of stress and conflict on those days, you can't get them to do anything you want.
Christiana Genie:
Exactly in business as well. It's the same. I mean you have to give responsibilities to your team and let them take the wheel. It's not like you have to give them strength in order to be able to produce.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Yeah, wonderful. So, ending off, I want you to leave us with some like top tips on boundaries. If you could, if the listener could just take away the last few things. What would you love that to be?
Christiana Genie:
Yeah, well, I would say always focus on how you will create the space to manifest or to create what you want. So in the to do's, in your to do list, always see how am I going to put like five, 10 minutes, one hour for my growth? And in this question you will also see who needs to be set a boundary, who are around you. So it makes it easier for us to know where I'm going to set the boundaries. Have it as a priority. I always have as my priority my own growth.
Christiana Genie:
How am I going to do it today? Is it going to be by reading a book, five pages tonight? Is it going to be by meditating? Is it going to be by meeting with a friend, with a group of personal development, with my coach? How are you going to do it? And in this question, how am I going to create the space? You will easily see how you have to set your boundaries and if you have difficulty, get help. I always say that because boundaries is not, is not as straightforward as it seems to be, because your self image takes an important role.
Dezzy Charalambous:
Cristiana, thank you again for all that insight. I'm going to have you back again and again and again. You know that right. I think it will be my pleasure again and again. I love the topics and the insights from you always. I always leave with a fresh perspective and I appreciate you being here. I love being in your company and thank you again.
Christiana Genie:
Thank you. Thank you so much. Same here, absolutely, love it being here. Thank you, devin.