When wedding bells chime, the harmony between planning and friendships often faces its greatest test. That's why we welcomed the insightful Anna Barton, whose expertise in the wedding industry shines a light on maintaining bridesmaid bonds in the middle of wedding chaos. In today's episode, she shares her wisdom on navigating the emotional tightropes and financial quicksand that can strain the closest of relationships during such a momentous time. With Anna's guidance, brides and their parties will find strategies to preserve friendships and keep resentments at bay, ensuring that the walk down the aisle is as joyful for the bridesmaids as it is for the bride.
But what's a wedding without a dash of drama and a sprinkle of stress? Anna shares real life stories from runaway brides to broken bracelets, the stories shared here are more than just cautionary tales—they're a testament to the unpredictable nature of weddings and the strength it takes to manage them. Anna offers strategies for stress management that will have any bride-to-be breathing easier, laughing a little louder, and embracing the unpredictable journey to 'I do.'
Bringing our focus back to the essence of weddings, Anna's insights about how to craft celebrations that resonate with your authentic self, minimising external pressures for personal fulfillment are invaluable.
Whether you're planning your own special day, standing beside your best friend, or helping others craft their perfect ceremony, this episode is a heartfelt exploration of love, relationships, and the delightful intricacies of saying "Yes" to the dress, the stress, and the lifelong quest of togetherness.
Join us, with Anna Barton by our side, for a conversation that's as enlightening as it is entertaining!
0:02Navigating Friendship Dynamics in Weddings 12:03 Loneliness and Drama in Wedding Planning 19:04Wedding Disasters and Runaway Brides 24:04Wedding Moments and Managing Stress 34:06
The information provided in Midweek Insights is for general informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. Listeners should seek professional advice relevant to their specific circumstances before making any decisions.
While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date information, the dynamic nature of certain topics may result in changes or updates. Midweek Insights does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness, or suitability of information discussed in the episodes.
Guests on Midweek Insights express their own opinions, which may not necessarily align with the views of the host. We encourage listeners to form their own opinions based on additional research and diverse perspectives.
When wedding bells chime, the harmony between planning and friendships often faces its greatest test. That's why we welcomed the insightful Anna Barton, whose expertise in the wedding industry shines a light on maintaining bridesmaid bonds in the middle of wedding chaos. In today's episode, she shares her wisdom on navigating the emotional tightropes and financial quicksand that can strain the closest of relationships during such a momentous time. With Anna's guidance, brides and their parties will find strategies to preserve friendships and keep resentments at bay, ensuring that the walk down the aisle is as joyful for the bridesmaids as it is for the bride.
But what's a wedding without a dash of drama and a sprinkle of stress? Anna shares real life stories from runaway brides to broken bracelets, the stories shared here are more than just cautionary tales—they're a testament to the unpredictable nature of weddings and the strength it takes to manage them. Anna offers strategies for stress management that will have any bride-to-be breathing easier, laughing a little louder, and embracing the unpredictable journey to 'I do.'
Bringing our focus back to the essence of weddings, Anna's insights about how to craft celebrations that resonate with your authentic self, minimising external pressures for personal fulfillment are invaluable.
Whether you're planning your own special day, standing beside your best friend, or helping others craft their perfect ceremony, this episode is a heartfelt exploration of love, relationships, and the delightful intricacies of saying "Yes" to the dress, the stress, and the lifelong quest of togetherness.
Join us, with Anna Barton by our side, for a conversation that's as enlightening as it is entertaining!
0:02Navigating Friendship Dynamics in Weddings 12:03 Loneliness and Drama in Wedding Planning 19:04Wedding Disasters and Runaway Brides 24:04Wedding Moments and Managing Stress 34:06
The information provided in Midweek Insights is for general informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. Listeners should seek professional advice relevant to their specific circumstances before making any decisions.
While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date information, the dynamic nature of certain topics may result in changes or updates. Midweek Insights does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness, or suitability of information discussed in the episodes.
Guests on Midweek Insights express their own opinions, which may not necessarily align with the views of the host. We encourage listeners to form their own opinions based on additional research and diverse perspectives.
Speaker 1:
I say hello and welcome listeners and Anna Barton, I'm so happy to have you here with me today.
Speaker 1:
I'm going to give a little introduction about Anna, who she is, what she does, and then it's a little different conversation today, but I'm really excited to learn all about what she does and pick her brain for insights. So Anna Barton started her first business when she was just 12 and she quickly started working in the wedding industry After 23 years working at weddings, first as a photographer and later as a wedding coordinator, she has owned several companies and has extensive experience with weddings. And now she's putting it all together all of that wedding knowledge, all of that wedding experience, and she's here to help women protect and strengthen their friendships, especially through the wedding process. So, anna, thank you for being here, Welcome being here online, because you're on the other side of the world, but it feels like you're right here with me in my living room, so welcome, I'm excited to be here. So, anna, I want to go back and look at a bit of how you started your journey in the wedding industry and how you got started at such a young age.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so I got started. Just, I needed a job at 16. And I knew somebody who whose daughter was in the wedding industry and she was a photographer and I became her assistant and that gal she taught me so much about being observant, about being strong and forward in being able to do things. I really learned a lot from her and observation skills from her.
Speaker 1:
And so what inspired you to transition from photography to wedding coordinator and eventually, to helping women navigate their own wedding processes?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so I was a wedding photographer. I went into that in college and that was what I studied and then I had my own photography studio for years and I got burnt out of weddings and so I actually quit weddings. I sold all my photography equipment and that lasted about three months because I was asked to to coordinate a wedding. Somebody knew I was in the weddings and she was like Do you know any coordinators? And I gave her names and nobody was available. So she was like Please, please, please, I'm begging you, I need help. And so I was like fine, one wedding I'll help you with. Coordinate your wedding. I've never done that before.
Speaker 2:
So I jumped in and helped her and at the end of that wedding she was like you did such an amazing job, I've lined up your next three weddings. They're my friends, so if you don't call them I'm going to be really embarrassed. So you better call them. And so I did. And I had my next three weddings and for years I never even advertised. I just booked my next wedding at the wedding I was at over and over. So that's how I got into wedding coordinating, when I didn't really mean to. And then I was 10 years as a wedding coordinator.
Speaker 1:
So 10 years, that's a long time for something accidental that you just accidentally fell into. So then you've moved on to one of the themes or the ideas behind what you do is to protect and strengthen friendships through weddings. So why do you think that weddings can sometimes strain relationships and friendships, and what are some of the common pitfalls to avoid?
Speaker 2:
Yeah. So, having been in the wedding industry for so long, you start to see patterns, patterns of behaviors, patterns in what types of things and when people get stressed out, and it's pretty, pretty consistent. I can, you know, predict the phone call at three months what the bride is going to be stressed out about. So, as I started to see those patterns, one of the things that really started to concern me was how friendships get strained and I would hear bridesmaids out of earshot of the bride say something like I'm just I can't wait for this wedding to be over. I'm never even going to talk to the bride again after this and I thought how, how is it that we're in this point of your life where you have your, your best friends with somebody, you're, they're made of honor, and you just never want to speak to the person again? You're supposed to be their biggest support and you don't even want to be there?
Speaker 2:
Something has happened, from the moment you were asked to be a maid of honor to the wedding, that has strained that relationship to the point of breaking, and I personally have been a bridesmaid eight times throughout my life and so I've seen it kind of on the bridesmaid side and then I've seen it on the wedding coordinator side as well and I realized that a lot of it comes down to expectations. The bride is so busy planning this large event that sometimes the smaller things lose perspective, and one of the main things is how much the bridesmaids are actually spending on the wedding. When you're spending tens of thousands of dollars on your wedding, you know $500 is not that significant to you anymore, but $500 to a bridesmaid is a lot of money to spend on somebody else's wedding. And if that's just the dress and you're still spending more money on top of that, it can get really resentful and stressful. And so and that's just one factor that can go into the stressors of between the bridesmaid and the bride.
Speaker 1:
What else do you see apart from that? So where does it start to go wrong? Other than that resentment, or whatever else is happening behind the scenes that isn't seen? What are the other things that are starting to point in the direction of things are not going well?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's a lot of. It is what the conversations are surrounding. So when they talk, you know before it could be about life, it could be about love, it could be about all these things, but all of a sudden all of the conversations are about the wedding and only about the wedding, or you know about each other. In regards to the wedding, the bride gets very narrowly focused and sometimes forgets to inquire on how is your life going? You know what's going on in your life. So the conversations get really one-sided and focused.
Speaker 2:
So the maid of honor might feel just neglected emotionally, like she doesn't matter anymore in this and that she is just a piece of this wedding and not a friend anymore. So there's kind of that resentment factor that comes into that as well, feeling like you're just being neglected as a friend. So we've got the financial aspect, we've got the emotional aspect of the conversations, and then the third thing that can come into play but doesn't always come into play with weddings is just sometimes the expectations of what the bride wants the maid of honor to do, either in planning different events or even in changing something about them, like changing a hair color or covering a tattoo. Changing something about them, like changing a hair color or covering a tattoo, something like that. Sometimes that can create a lot of strain between a relationship when the bride wants the maid of honor to change something about them their appearance, it's quite common, especially over there in America, that the bride would ask the bridesmaid to change something about the appearance.
Speaker 1:
Actually it is.
Speaker 2:
And it's kind of change something about the appearance. Actually it is, and it's kind of surprising. Like you wouldn't think it is that you, I, I can't imagine the audacity to ask somebody to change their hair color for my wedding. But um, it does happen. And what I see it happen even more often is the bridesmaid will change something. Because the wedding planning process can take a year to two years and so, say she has brunette hair and then she decides to be a blonde, you know. And then bride was like, oh, but she's had brunette hair this whole time. They have these pictures in their head of what their wedding is going to look like and so when somebody changes, that can throw a wrench into their plan and then they can get really frustrated and then this tension will come up between the bride and the bridesmaid. I've seen that probably the most often when it comes to changing appearance. It's the bridesmaid will change something, not even like going, you know, like hot pink hair, just like blonde to brunette, kind of thing.
Speaker 1:
It's strange to feel that the bride would have so much say over something so personal. I mean, it's quite a foreign concept, at least for me. So then, ok, so what about? Where does setting expectations between the bride and maid of honor come into play here? How does that let me? Let me just rephrase this. So what are the common misconceptions brides have about the role of the maid of honor, and how can they communicate their expectations more effectively?
Speaker 2:
Yeah. So I think the biggest thing is just having conversations. One I know that sometimes we struggle to have hard conversations with each other, to sit down really face to face and say, hey, these are my boundaries, these are my limitations and I'm not willing to cross these areas. And it's hard to sit down with people that we love and have those conversations because, especially somebody who's supposed to be your best friend, you have this expectation that, oh, we'll always get along. We understand each other so well.
Speaker 2:
You know she would never ask anything of me that would make me uncomfortable, right, but the wedding process really condenses the timeline on requests that might make you uncomfortable, because we've always had that.
Speaker 2:
You know, everybody has a friend where sometimes maybe that conversation didn't go as well or they asked something of you that was uncomfortable but we were able to set it aside because it was one time kind of thing.
Speaker 2:
But in the wedding process that gets really those requests start to pile up a lot quicker and then that's when that resentment starts to happen.
Speaker 2:
So, sitting down at the beginning of the wedding process and really going through each aspect of it and going this is my boundary, like this is my budget, this is all that I'm willing and able to spend on this wedding, or I'm happy to focus on the wedding when we talk, but I need every about third time to for you to ask me about how my life is going, kind of thing. So, setting some of those boundaries, setting some expectations of things that you're willing to do and not willing to do, but having that hard conversation up front before you get too into the process of being a maid of honor or even being a bride, so that you can go back and say, remember, when we had that conversation and I said I could only spend a thousand dollars, well, you're asking me to spend two thousand dollars and I can't do that, so that I think that's really just the key is that a big expectation for?
Speaker 1:
the bridesmaids to take on such a big role and such a big commitment to the whole wedding.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, for the maid of honor. They're expected to play in the bachelorette party, the wedding shower. They're expected to be the head of the bridesmaids. So she coordinates all of the bridesmaids and making sure did you get your dresses, did you book your hair appointment, those kinds of things. So the maid of honor is the chief of the bridesmaids, she's the head of the bridesmaids, like a whole business corporation going on.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so there's a lot of expectation when it comes to the maid of honor and the amount of stuff that she's taking on in regards to the wedding.
Speaker 1:
So can you share some practical tips for how to manage stress and stay grounded as the bride in the chaos and as the bridesmaid having to coordinate all these things?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, so managing stress as the bride. The biggest thing that I think brides really struggle with is realizing how lonely the wedding process can really be. It's taking on a full, a full-time job, basically. You know I, I'm a wedding coordinator, I've been a wedding planner and that's my job. But most brides are expected to be a wedding planner for their own wedding as a full time job along with the rest of their life, so they can start to feel really lonely because there's less time for just fun and life. Everything that they do is focused on this event and planning this event, and people around them can get really tired of hearing about it. So it can become a really lonely process. And then there's always people don't expect it, but there is always some sort of drama, either with your family, your fiance, with the bridesmaids. There is somebody in the process who's going to make it difficult.
Speaker 1:
It's real.
Speaker 2:
No, not just in the movie series always it's real, no, not just in the movie series. Always, always the problem person and it can come out of left field. You never expect it. My hairdresser was confident she would not have that person and we were just talking the other day and she was like it was my aunt. I didn't expect it to be my aunt and what was the issue there?
Speaker 1:
What was the issue with the aunt?
Speaker 2:
Her aunt didn't like that. She was getting married on the family farm and was really upset about that. Um, so it can just come from somebody you don't expect. And then there's this struggle and drama, because people are trying to make everybody happy and you don't want to fight with these people, so understanding that you're not going to make everybody happy. People have such strong opinions when it comes to weddings. You just you're not going to make everybody happy and that's okay and just I always advise my brides to have a line to say to people something along the lines of thank you so much for your opinion or willingness to help with the wedding. But we are trying to keep all of the decisions just between me and my fiance, just to limit how much conversation we need to have about the wedding. So if we need any help, I will definitely come and ask you.
Speaker 1:
So you get them to practice that line and it's on standby for whenever they need it. I think we can use that line for people in general and in life. So copy paste that one in general. And so what about navigating societal pressure? So, of course, in Cyprus it's very different. We still have societal pressure.
Speaker 1:
When I got married, the big weddings were still pretty much part of the culture. So we wanted to please our parents as well as you know, still have the people we wanted there. So we had a little compromise and we had an open wedding and we had a small open wedding. So you can imagine about 800 to 1,000 people. That's a small open wedding. There are bigger ones.
Speaker 1:
Right, we invite the whole village and because our parents were so like, connected with their family and their community and because they went to the other people's weddings, now they have to invite those same people to their children's weddings. So we landed up having a wedding where half the people we didn't know, half of them we were related to but still didn't know, but we still managed to have the people we wanted there as well. We have these big weddings and if I were to do it again, it would be a much smaller crowd this time around, but societal pressure is huge even here. So how do you get them to work through societal pressure and have a wedding that's more true to what they really want to do?
Speaker 2:
yeah. So I always encourage brides to sit down and really find the core of what they're looking for in their wedding. Um, obviously, there's the we're getting married, so that's a major factor. But what is it? That is the thing that really is important to them. Is it looking good? Is it, you know, having the aesthetic that's really important for them to be able to share that? Is it having privacy in their wedding? That's really important to them. What is the core of that wedding? That's going to be something that if, in the end, that they're going to be disappointed that they didn't have, you know, do they want to have a giant party? Is, if they don't have a big fun party, they're going to be really disappointed. So, finding whatever that central thing is that if you don't have that in your wedding, you'll be very disappointed.
Speaker 2:
And then keeping that main focus, especially in the US right now, just there's so many expectations for social media of, oh, we got to do this reel and we got to do this reel, we got to film this and we've got to do this. Or even when it comes to the maid of honor and the bridesmaids, oh, we have to go to Vegas for a whole weekend for the bachelorette. That's the expectation In the wedding I was in recently. Somebody's like do we have to go to Vegas? And the bride's like I don't want to go to Vegas, why would we do that? And they were like well, I thought that's just what you do and you don't need to do those things just because they are on social media and the expectation, just really stepping back and going.
Speaker 2:
What's important to me I've had brides who have 10 bridesmaids and they're like I had such a hard time finding 10 people to be a bride, to be bridesmaids. I'm like why did you have 10? She's like well, I thought that was the number that you were supposed to have and it's like no, there's no, there's no number you are supposed to have. From which memo did she get? Yeah, well, and that's probably the number one question I get is how is it supposed to be done? I would say there's no set rules on anything. There is maybe a traditional way things are done and have been done, but absolutely everything in a wedding is up for negotiation.
Speaker 1:
Who your bride, maybe, maybe in america, but not inside. You're not always you know my big fat greek wedding. That's very real and very true and very prominent. Things are changing a little bit now, but yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
So I want to hear about some crazy story, wedding stories, because I know you've mentioned you had so many, and who doesn't like to hear a funny wedding story? But go on, tell us a few of the funny ones.
Speaker 2:
So one that I had recently was I call her the sabotaging mother. So I had a bride who had she had jewelry she had purchased ahead of time for her wedding dress, and it was. She had a diamond bracelet, necklace and earrings, and the mother gave her a pearl bracelet. And I was very gracious and was like this is gorgeous, thank you so much. And the mom was like I want you to wear it today. And she's like, well, thank you, but I have my jewelry that I already purchased and I'm going to wear with my wedding dress. And the mom was very insistent no, I want you to wear this. And she had been very controlling through the whole wedding process. And the bride very gently and kindly pushed back and said, no'm not going to, but thank you.
Speaker 2:
A little while later the bride found on her the desk. She had had her jewelry sitting there and the bracelet was just snapped in half and it hadn't fallen on the floor, it was still sitting on the desk and it was just clean, snapped in half, and the bride was so upset, come on. So I came in and took a look at it. I said, well, I've worked in jewelry for five years and so I was like I can. Let's see what I can do. And I was able to actually repair the bracelet and fix it, so I gave it to the bride. She was very happy. The mom comes in a little bit later and she's like oh honey, I'm so sorry, I heard just your bracelet broke. I guess I'll have to wear the one I wore and the bride just goes.
Speaker 1:
Anna fixed it and the demon wedding planner you became is right. Yeah, yeah she just goes.
Speaker 2:
Oh, I didn't know she could do that and she just walked off and it was like, oh okay, she definitely broke that bracelet on purpose. Oh, dear.
Speaker 1:
You know what. These are things that you would watch in a film again and you would not expect it to happen in real life. I'm recalling what was it monster in law was it.
Speaker 2:
Yes, absolutely the things I've seen. You would just go. This is a movie. You people don't believe me. Okay, tell me more.
Speaker 1:
I want to hear more. Okay, so what was the word? I think you had a few more. You said before the worst thing.
Speaker 2:
The groom said at the end of the aisle oh yeah so normally they come down the aisle like they just got married and they turn to each other and they say something like I love you or we just got married. You know they're very excited, um, and so I usually try to give them a little space between the um, bridesmaids and grooms coming in and like let them have a moment. So I let them have that moment. And the groom turns to the bride and goes I think you need to put on some deodorant. And then just turns and walks away and the bride just instantly starts crying. So I'm like go in, go in. And she just goes I need to put on deodorant. Do I really smell that bad? And oh, it was just. It was devastating. That couple ended up at the end of the night. She went out to the bar with her friends and he went to the hotel room to play poker with his buddies.
Speaker 1:
Okay, so yeah oh my goodness, does that actually happen? How do you recover from that? You don't right. I mean, you don't. Okay, tell me some more. What else so?
Speaker 2:
I've had two weddings that didn't end in a wedding. I had a run.
Speaker 1:
You need to give this material to movie makers, because you've got the new wedding coordinator movie.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so I had a runaway bride pretty early in my career. She went through all of the pictures. She had a half a million dollar dress. On it was diamond encrusted and she just felt really nervous. You know she wasn't smiling through the pictures. She was very quiet and I went to get her for like it's time to walk down the aisle and she was just gone. She was gone and we couldn't find her.
Speaker 1:
They ended up having the reception but we didn't have have the wedding. So what's your role in that situation? Do you? Are you the one that has to go and explain to everybody what just happened? As the way?
Speaker 2:
so the groom got up in front of, like, the wedding congregation and was like, hey, she's gone. I don't know, but we were the ones the photographer and I were the ones who had to go and tell the groom we think she's gone. We cannot find her oh my goodness, and he was just devastated. Wow, yeah, so that was. That was a less fun one, but it it has happened. People always ask me if I've had a runaway bride. Um, and that was a runaway bride.
Speaker 1:
What was the most shocking one for you? Was there anything more shocking than that?
Speaker 2:
So there was the groom who ripped up the wedding license was probably the most shocking one I've ever seen. So he they were at the reception. They've been married, because once in America you know you get married but you have to sign a wedding license and if that doesn't get sent in, you know you get married but you have to sign a wedding license and if that doesn't get sent in, you're not legally married, so in the government's eyes.
Speaker 2:
So they had the reception and he was a really big guy, like one of those guys who could put away a six pack and not feel it kind of thing. You know six, three kind of guy. And he was maybe two beers in and the bride was like Nope, you cannot drink anymore. Now that we're married, I get to tell you what you can and cannot do and I don't want you drinking any more than two beers at our wedding. And he's like have you been waiting until we're married to be able to dictate things? She's like yeah, now you have to listen to me. And he, okay, well then we're not married. And he ripped up the wedding license and he, him and his guys left the wedding no way, my goodness, and you still do this yeah, and that's why I've become a little bit jaded on weddings.
Speaker 2:
Okay, no, like how do?
Speaker 1:
you still believe in weddings after the romance and the you know like oh yeah, it's, it's the ones that they.
Speaker 2:
They don't happen as often as you think, but there are weddings where I just I look at that couple and go they're gonna make it, they're gonna be, you know, 90 years old on rocking chairs what are those signs?
Speaker 1:
what do you see in those weddings?
Speaker 2:
that is different from these other crazy examples you've shared so my biggest like I tell if the couple is going to make it or not is at the wedding reception. It's the couples that can't be separated. You know they'll get separated by like people talking, but within a minute or two they're looking around for their new spouse and they're reaching out and they're. They just they gravitate towards each other. They're always orbiting each other and coming back together. Those are the couples that are just so excited to be married. It's so excited to be together. I'm like those are the ones that are going to last. It's when they go their separate ways at the reception and they don't even see each other again until the first dance and then they separate again.
Speaker 1:
So I'm like that's not gonna last as long, but it's.
Speaker 2:
It's the couples that are just. They can't help. But, you know, reach out for each other, that, you know, makes me just. That's why I keep doing is when I see those things, when I see people who are so excited and in love and most of the time the stories aren't as sad. I've got one more fun one for you Go on, go on, go on.
Speaker 2:
So one time we had a cake delivered and there was a trend for a little while of it was called the unfrosted cake and it still had frosting on it but it looked a little bit more rustic. It looked like the frosting had just been like lightly done on it and then there'd be like berries and powdered sugar and it was just. It was kind of a rustic look for a while. That was very popular and so she had ordered this cake. But the cake came and it was literally just a baked pieces of cake, no frosting, not put together. I got like boxes of like cake layers is what we received. And so I call the baker. I'm like what is this? And she's like well, she wanted an unfrosted cake. And I'm like, no, no, no, like did she not show you pictures? And she's like, yeah, but I didn't really understand it. So I just gave her an unfrosted cake and I'm like so I just got cake layers. And I'm like we have a wedding in a couple of hours and I have an unfrosted, unput together cake. So I grabbed one of the bridesmaids boyfriends who was hanging around. I gave him cash and I was like go to the store, buy frosting, buy berries and powdered sugar. Go to the store, buy frosting, buy berries and powdered sugar and, um, and a cake knife. And so he brought it and I frosted and put together the whole cake. I'm like googling how to like stack cake layers safely and like so I put together the whole cake, I frost it, I pulled in the site, uh, had um, some interns who were helping and I pulled them in.
Speaker 2:
I was like, okay, here's what I wanted to look like. I showed them how the berries and the flowers were supposed to look and I was like I need you to finish decorating this. So they finished decorating it and they were so excited. The mother of the bride knew and she was like panicky and I'm like, don't worry, we've got it. And the bride later came in and saw the cake all done. She, we've got it. And the bride later came in and saw the cake all done. She's like, oh, it's perfect, they did it right. I'm so worried they weren't gonna understand. And I'm sitting there. Oh, my gosh, she never. Maybe they told her later, but I never told her that her cake came in pieces unfrosted. But I decorated a cake.
Speaker 1:
You're a magician, so I you know when you're listening to you talk, I was thinking it must take a lot of I don you know. When you're listening to you talk, I was thinking it must take a lot of I don't know being able to manage stress and being able to think on your feet and to stay calm. How do you do that? Do you have any strategies for keeping yourself in that calm state where you can think on your feet, not succumb to the pressure and the stress and these last minute things that go wrong? What can you share about that side of the job and how you handle it?
Speaker 2:
So actually, my biggest secret is slowing down. So when I start feeling like, oh my gosh, everything's overwhelmed and stressed, I usually run into the bathroom and hide for a minute and do about a minute's worth of breathing and they go. Okay, what's the main thing? What are the key things that absolutely have to happen or not happen or get done in order for this to keep functioning? And then I prioritize what has to happen and focus on one thing at a time and not try to overmanage everything and get it all done, because there are times things just don't happen or don't get done because we're just out of time. But making sure we prioritize. And then the other key thing is just preemptive. You just have to think, I think through everything. What could go wrong in the scene, like every little thing, what could possibly go wrong? And then, because I've been doing it for so long, my lists get longer, like one of the key ones I used to always say.
Speaker 2:
I always used to ask the groomsman, the best man do you have the rings? Do you have the rings? You know, and that was always my what I would say. And they're like yep, yep, I have the rings. Well, now I ask them do you have the rings, the rings? Well, now I ask them do you have the rings, and are they in an easy to open container?
Speaker 2:
Okay, and because one time I had a groomsman. He had the rings and they were in a baggie that he had knotted clothes. Oh no, oh fancy bag. He had not. And so and he handed the bag to the officiant. Okay, and the officiant is trying to juggle their like their little thing with their papers and their microphone. And then they get this bag and they're trying to open it and they're trying to undo the knot, and they finally undo the knot and the rings go flying and they just they go up in the air and we're in grass. So we had to stop the entire wedding and search for the rings that are now in the grass. So it was a whole thing. So now it's like is it an easy to open container? And you don't know how many times I've had the guys go oh, it's in and not in a bag. I thought it wouldn't. It happens more than you would think and you don't get the reaction that what are you asking me?
Speaker 1:
they're like oh, actually, this is something and I've had to explain.
Speaker 2:
I'm like, because I've then realized too a lot of guys just have a loose in their pocket and then they have to like fish around in their pocket for a while. So I'm like it needs to be in a container and the container needs to be easily, to easily opened and they're like, oh, that makes sense.
Speaker 1:
So you know, being preemptive yeah, and what else do you need to? What else you need to preempt?
Speaker 2:
all of your cell phones turned off or left behind any event. You do not need phone calls in the middle of the ceremony. That has happened, and so making sure that those are nowhere to be found during the wedding little box to collect them all, like in a classroom. Yes, if you're doing our classes leave yourself, but you don't need it during the wedding. You're not going to be pulling out that cell phone, okay, but so that's the big one I always ask of the guys that's so cool.
Speaker 1:
You must have so many funny, funny moments.
Speaker 2:
Not funny at the time, I'm guessing, but funny in hindsight, I don't know, uh, most of the time they're not as funny in the moment, but you know it can get stressful. All right, everybody breathe and you're gonna. I always tell the bride you're getting married today, it's okay. If everything goes wrong, you're getting married today, and that usually calms the bride down the bride?
Speaker 1:
the groom's probably still in his own world, not worried too much. It is the bride that takes on all this right. Or do you ever get grooms that are overly stressed as well?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I've had a few groomzillas. It's not as many, but I have definitely had some groomzillas or some very stressed grooms before, but usually not as many because they're a lot of times they're very checked out of the wedding process, unfortunately. So I get really excited when I do have a groom who's involved in the wedding process and those usually bode pretty well for happy marriages and happy weddings. It's it's when they're just excited to get married Interesting.
Speaker 1:
So let's move on to the side of. You know you're being an entrepreneur and you have some advice and some tips for aspiring entrepreneurs who want to break into the industry that you're in. And so what advice do you have for aspiring entrepreneurs looking to break into the wedding industry, finding their niche in what you do?
Speaker 2:
Yeah. So if you're looking to get into the wedding industry, I think people think that getting into the wedding industry is a huge lucrative market. But one of the things that people don't realize that's very unique to the wedding industry is that there is only so many bookings that you can do a year. There are 52 weekends in a year. So unless you are big enough of a company to do more than one wedding a weekend, the max you're going to do is around 52. And that means you don't have a single weekend with your family. So that's not realistic either. Most people do around 25 weddings to maybe up to 40 weddings for a really big company a year. So it's you lose your entire weekend and there's only so large your company can get without having to add in employees and additional staffing. So it's not.
Speaker 2:
It's a really really physically demanding and emotionally demanding industry. I see people get so burnt out on weddings so easily because it is so easy to get emotionally involved in this event that you're helping to plan and it depends on if you're the baker versus the wedding coordinator. You're gonna be much more involved as a wedding coordinator than you are the baker, so that also really factors into it. But I think the key thing right now in getting into the wedding industry is really looking at what is your market. You can't just say I do weddings because everybody just does weddings. Do you want to do small weddings? Do you want to do large weddings? Do you want to do country weddings? Do you want to do industrial weddings? Like what kind of style and really focusing on a certain aspect of the types of weddings, Because there are so many, many weddings that really getting down and niching down into your area will really help you to attract a larger crowd than just being a generalized wedding person.
Speaker 1:
Brilliant and also relating to the business side of what you do. How have you combined your various strengths and experiences to create what you're offering uniquely to your clients?
Speaker 2:
Yeah. So because I've been in so many weddings and I was starting to see the relationship side. And you know, just as I was getting older and finding friendships hard to make, you know, as we get older and as adults it's hard to make friends and when you make those friendships you want to be very protective and keep those friendships. So I was seeing the relationship side of the weddings and then I was seeing the, you know, technical side of how to put together a wedding and I realized that women are expected to just know how to do weddings right. We're just expected to like we're girls, so we should know how to wedding right and it's like no, we don't like people don't know how to wedding the entire industry. So I I saw that there was a need at a market to help women know how to do these things. But there are so many things out there already for brides.
Speaker 2:
I wanted to focus on maid of honors because there's really not a lot out there for maid of honors. So I've really started to focus on how can I help the best friend, be the best support for the bride, but also how to make sure that she enjoys that wedding process as well, because if the maid of honor is having fun, the bride will be having well, because if the maid of honor is having fun, the bride will be having fun. Because when you can have fun with your best friend doing something, it's a great time. If you and your best friend are fighting through the whole thing, it's not fun anymore. So if we can have that relationship be really, really strong and really really secure, the entire wedding is going to go smoother. So that's where I've really been focusing and in the business aspect, I call it the Lindsay Sterling effect. I don't know if you're familiar with Lindsay Sterling.
Speaker 1:
I've heard of Lindsay, is she a violinist? Yeah, she is. She's a violinist. I was like I know the name. Oh, my son loves her music, yeah.
Speaker 2:
So I felt the Lindsay Sterling effect, because Lindsay Sterling, while she's a fantastic violinist, she's not the best violinist in the world, Right, and she. The thing she does, though, is she plays violin and she dances. She's not the best dancer in the world, but I don't know of any other dancing violinists. You know she is a dancing violinist. So, in business, the whole thing is how do you find your two things that you maybe don't think should go together violinist and dancing and how do we put those together to create an entirely new market? Because weddings are a thing you know, and you have your maid of honor, but there's not anything in the market for your maid of honor. So, putting the maid of honor stuff into the market that's been my aspect of finding that niche that isn't really out there and creating a whole new area of business, so a bit of a wedding counselor for the bride and her bridesmaid.
Speaker 1:
That's your superpower. You've sprinkled that superpower all over it. Yeah, that's amazing, really, that you can combine these ideas and create something so unique and work with it and make it your business. I think that's what I'm fascinated about with what you've told me, what you've shared, and that you're making it your work and your passion. Another thing I wanted to ask you as we end the episode is what has been the greatest lesson gained from your work experience and this could be a greatest lesson that now you can apply to life in general, and also to end up with a quote at the end yeah, oh, that's a big question. Take your time.
Speaker 2:
Yeah. So I think, yeah, I think the biggest thing that I've learned is to cherish the relationships that I do have in my life to, you know, to set boundaries but then to just go all in on those really key relationships. When I got married, it was an odd thing because as a wedding planner, you know, do you want to plan your own wedding, kind of thing, you know and so I took all of these aspects that I'd learned from wedding coordinating and wedding planning and I went you know, this is about my marriage. This is about this person that I want to spend my whole life with. And I didn. You know, this is about my marriage. This is about this person that I want to spend my whole life with.
Speaker 2:
And I didn't have a maid of honor, but I had my best friend there, just as my support. The entire time she was just by my side. She was with me and encouraging me and calming me down and keeping me excited. But then I got to see my husband at the end of aisle and everything that I did in my wedding was just about the friendships and the relationships and the key people that I wanted there to be excited and celebrate with me. So with weddings, it's about really celebrating those relationships and keeping them as the center point of the wedding.
Speaker 1:
Yep, that makes a lot of sense, and that is exactly what it should be about at the end of the day, right? Not about what it looks like on the outside, or who you're trying to please, or what standards you're trying to like, just which boxes you're trying to tick, or what the expectation for weddings is To end off as well. Do you have a favorite quote or a phrase that you always go to? It's like you'll go, and I'm sure this changes over time, but what's the one that you come back to that gives you the support you need for, you know, navigating work, life and anything in general.
Speaker 2:
Well, I can tell you two things too here. One is my, um, my wedding quote that I always go to at weddings. Um, this was kind of my catchphrase through my wedding coordinating business, which was nothing gets to the bride except for a mimosa. So that was my quote, that, like the bride should, just on the wedding day, everybody needs a nana Having fun you know, no problems, not just for our weddings, yeah nothing is the right for the mimosa.
Speaker 2:
So that was always my wedding quote. But in life it's rising tide lifts all ships. That's kind of my go-to. That's what I live by. If I am bringing, if I'm rising, if I'm doing well, I want to bring people along with me. Whenever I get into a room I want to go, who can I bring into this room with me? How can I help other people? Because other people have helped me up so much, have given me opportunities. And if I hadn't gotten that first job, if somebody hadn't been like, yeah, this 16-year-old will be great at being a wedding photographer's assistant, if I hadn't gotten that first person who believed in me, I wouldn't be here 23 years later still in the wedding industry. So I always wanna bring people up with me like I've been helped in the same way.
Speaker 1:
Anna, thank you so much. I loved every second of this and learning so much about what you do and your work and all your amazing insights. It's been amazing. Thank you so much Thanks.