Eyewitness to Therapy Episode 3: Letting Go of I Don't Matter

In this therapy session, I failed to push the record button immediately and so we pick up on Olivia expressing her frustration with her parents a couple of minutes into the interview, primarily surrounding their lack of engagement with her and her child… She feels they are not interested in being grandparents and wish they would engage more with her son… 

Olivia describes her relationship with her parents as surface-level and distant, a pattern that she stated has been longstanding.

Her relationship with her parents is further complicated by her perception of her sister as the 'golden child,' who receives more attention and interest from their parents. Olivia wishes for more normalcy in her relationship with her parents and hopes they would express more interest in her life, akin to the interest they show in her sister's life.

The therapy session concluded with the therapist encouraging Olivia to continue exploring these feelings in her daily life and to work on the realization that she matters and deserves attention. The therapist also suggested an easy technique to help Ariel cope: asking herself if she could let go of these negative feelings; if she would let them go; and deciding when she could do this.

For tools and techniques on awareness, forgiveness, and movement visit...

https://www.wayofawareness.com/

Transcript

 So we pick up on Olivia expressing her frustration with her parents a couple of minutes into the interview. Primarily surrounding their lack of engagement with her and her child. She feels they are not interested in being grandparents and wish they would engage more with her son.  So the picture I get is that they're intent or your intention is to have them come up and visit and engage with them and see your child and spend time with your child. And they're just in their own kind of space, you're saying?

Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. That's, and that's how it's worked. Every time they come and visit, they just, They don't really seem that interested in being grandparents, but kinda, they don't have to be like they're not the ones who chose to have a grandchild.  But  I always wish that they would be a little more engaged with him and more interested in playing with him and also giving me and my husband a little bit of a break so that we can relax.

 Cuz instead it ends up feeling like I'm watching my son and then I'm also babysitting my parents at the same time.  So it ends up being more work instead of less. I see. Okay, I hear you. So you feel like you have to babysit them in a way? Yeah, a little bit. Ah-huh. Okay. Okay. So, so are you saying that  I mean in terms of your relationship with your parents, that's a long-standing, what frustration that you feel in your relationship with them, would you say?

Yeah. Yeah. I've never had a very close relationship with them. They. I have three older siblings and so they were constantly busy with all of the issues my older siblings had. So I  just grew up on my own sort of independently very early on.  And   I moved away from home. Once I went to college.

Kind of never really went back.  And we talk fair, like we text and stuff fairly often, but we just don't have that close of a relationship. It's just a very surface-level relationship, surface level. Okay.  Okay. And would you say that characterize, characterizes your relationship going way, way back?

It's always been surface? Yeah, pretty much.       What do you wish with them?  If let's say if. Your relationship with them transformed in some way.  What do you wish would you like to see? We just have a normal relationship. Both of my parents are very weird people in their own way.

And so I guess I, I wish a little more normalcy. I wish we were closer. I wish they expressed more interest in my life. I think when we tend to get together  Instead of asking me how things are and then you know, how things are going,  delving into my life.

They have a tendency, especially my mom, to just talk about my sister a lot. And so it's just them talking about what my sister's doing, like what are her plans, what are her, what's, how is her life going? And that's just how it's always said. My sister's been the golden child of the family since she  She was, she's the firstborn and she was the one to become a doctor and plan to cure cancer and that whole thing.

And they  focus a lot on her, and so I'd rather have a parent who could kinda be a little more equal in their attention. Pay a little more attention to me.  Be, try to be more actively involved in my life, things like that. More actively involved meaning more interest, kind of interest.

Yeah.  In what you're doing kind of thing? Yeah. Just for interest, but a perfect example is my sister got into Tai Chi. And so my mom pretty much immediately started trying to get into Tai Chi herself. My sister started to learn Spanish, so my mom downloaded dual lingo and started to learn Spanish.

Meanwhile,  a few years ago  I started learning asl, no interest from either of my parents in learning any asl, even though  I'm hard of hearing and so  I can still hear fine and I can understand people fine, but  So would be a more accessible way for us to communicate and they had no interest in trying to learn anything.

So it's like she seems to favor my sister over me all the time. Yeah. Giving my sister attention all the time. Yeah. It's what about me feeling pretty much sometimes yeah. How come you're, how come you're not interested in what I'm. Interested. Exactly. Yeah.   Do you share your interests with them in some ways?

Oh, yeah.  You do share your interests, right? Yeah.  Like when we, when, cause it was me and my husband learning when we started learning, like I told them that we were taking classes and like when we would visit them or they would visit us, like me and my husband would be practicing together or.

We would talk about how classes go and they just like, they were like, oh, that's cool. And that was pretty much it. Ah-huh. Okay. So again again, so what you wish they would what?  What? Ask you more questions about your interest or more about yeah. Ask her questions or  Especially, they've been retired for years now, so like they have plenty of time if they wanted to go take an ASL class or invest their time in.

Other things that I'm interested in, they just don't seem to want to and just ask me questions about how things are going. You know what, I've been learning things like that. They just. Do not care. Just do not care. I hear you. Okay.   Is that something that you ever thought of bringing up with them in some ways?

Just  sharing your feelings around that?  Any is that, I thought about it, but I feel like it wouldn't end up doing anything.    I feel like they wouldn't end up changing.  They're the kind of people who just. They like to say that they're open to change, but they're not. And so I think even if I brought it up, it wouldn't naturally do anything meaningful.

So you would predict that they just wouldn't change or be responsive to you at all? If, pretty much, yeah. If you asked for something there, yeah. So you do you know that they would, or you just imagine that?  I mostly imagine that. I'm like, I'm pretty confident that's what would happen.

 And I. It's a lot of sort of emotional labor on my part to bring that up.  And so I'm hesitant to try and bring it up and expend all that emotional labor,  talking through that only for it to maybe not have any impact at all. Okay.     Would it make any difference to you if let's say they were sensitive to your feelings there and let's say they.

I don't know. They changed perhaps or demonstrated. It definitely would make a big difference. I don't think it would fix anything by any means. Cause we just, we have a long sort of complicated history. But it would definitely help. But if I could feel confident knowing I could open up to them about that and know that they would listen and try at least try to make a change, I would definitely feel a lot better about our relationship.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. All right.    Consider maybe that's a possibility. Yeah.  In terms of, because it sounds like this is pat a pattern for you.  And your relationship, it's they never seem to care about me kind of thing.  They're always talking about my sister and what she's doing and copying her and showing her.

And so I kind of sense you are left on the sidelines. Yeah. Would you say? Yeah. Yep. Yeah. And that goes way back, kinda like that. Yeah. Oh, way back. That started way, way back. All right.  How, what's, what, just curious about your sister. So what what's the age difference with you and your sister?

 She's six years older than me. Six years older, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah.   When you go back there to childhood, cuz I'm   I'm hearing you. Say that you've felt left out, right?      Could you go back to a particular time in your childhood where you ac you experienced that actually occurring, like a particular moment in your consciousness?

Yeah.  Any time spontaneously pops up in your awareness? Yeah. Yeah.  I, there's a lot of examples, but ok, one great example let me stop you just for a moment cuz this's a little technique in a way. Yeah.   What I'd like you to do is, so you have a memory of a time Yeah.

And your wear. Okay, good. So that's a memory.  So this is like a little technique to go back there in that memory. Whatever is happening. Cause that's like a scene, isn't it? Something happens there, there maybe, and then, and something occurs. And then so what I'd like you to do is to go back there and describe what happens in that scene in present tense as if it were happening now.

 So where am I? How old am I? Who's there? And what's said? Okay.  So I'm. Probably somewhere around seven or eight, I can't remember the exact age. And I, we just finished gym. Like we, me and my siblings, were all, are all in gymnastics. And we finished gymnastics and my sister did synchronized swimming, but they're all in the same complex.

 So it was basically me and my three older siblings, all of us are together and.  We all just finished all of our various activities and I am finishing getting ready in the locker room, finishing getting back into my normal clothes, and then I go outside so that my mom can pick me up at the front of the building.

And no one's there.  My mom isn't there. I look around the parking lot, don't see her car, and I'm freaking out because I have no idea what to do.  And so   I just wait there for probably 10 minutes or so and eventually she comes back and it's her and my three older siblings in the car and she completely forgot me and just me.

 Very clear scene there.  Seven years old. Okay. And then, so when you go back to  that seven-year-old that you're describing here, can you

can you describe the feelings that she's feeling in that moment and also look and see cuz sometimes.  Out of certain experiences of our past we make decisions about ourselves in terms of what's possible or something about ourselves or something. And so look and see we'll first of all, c, can you identify the feeling that this seven or eight-year-old young person Yeah.

Was feeling? I definitely felt scared and anxious and confused.  I just didn't know what was going on, or what I was supposed to do in that scenario. Okay, so scared, anxious, and confused, right?  This is one scene you're saying out of many you could describe, right?

   Maybe a scene going back even further.  I can't think of anything going back further, but that's cause I have a terrible memory of my childhood. Oh, okay.  I can think of things that happened when I was older, but  I can't think of anything off the top of my head that happened earlier.

 Sometimes there are original scenes kind of thing that kind of create.  Our conditioning for our future selves so when you go back to this seven-year-old child, can you identify any decision that she might have made, let's say, about herself or about life?

Anything, what she might have decided? I think. If anything, it would've been that I didn't matter, I didn't matter in that scenario, or at least it didn't matter as much as my siblings did.  Okay. Okay. Okay. I didn't matter.  All right. And so well, it sounds a little bit like that kind of expresses the kind of thing you experience in relationship to your parents, right?

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. It's okay, I don't matter. I don't matter.  Okay. And is that wh when you reflect on that thought, and that's a thought, isn't it? Yeah. I don't matter. So something that you  learned to tell yourself? True. Yeah.  You actually spoke those words to yourself.

   I guess this means I don't matter. Yeah, I don't matter. Okay. And  so that's what I hear is that this is, this kind of perhaps represents a  decision or an image that you developed about yourself that you carry, I don't matter. Yeah that's definitely true.

Yeah. You could can you see that playing out in other areas too, like in relationships or other relationships or work or anything like that?  I think so.  Not all that it's necessarily objective, right?   Some of that might be that in my relationship with my husband, for instance, like something didn't go exactly how I wanted it to go.

 And so I might think, great. So  I don't matter in this situation.  And objectively that might not be the case. It might just be life things happen. But I think I  have a tendency to just be like, what I want in this situation doesn't matter, or I don't matter when it comes to X, y, or Z.

Yes. Yes. Gotcha. Okay. All right.   Can you see that?  First of all,  I don't matter.  Is a thought.  And that's something that you tell yourself. Yeah. You tell, you actually say those words to yourself, do you not? Yeah, I don't matter.    You can recall or hear yourself say those words at ti at certain times, right?

I don't matter. Yeah. I don't matter.  Yeah. When you're alone in your own experience, I don't matter.  Maybe that's part of what you told yourself with you when your parents were here.    I don't matter or concluded, I don't matter kind of thing so that's become a decision that you made about yourself.

That's a thought.    Just when you look at that thought what's the impact of that thought on yourself and your life? Just having that thought or maintaining that thought, I don't matter.  I think it definitely does not help my mental health at all. I think it makes me.  Feel depressed for sure.

 It makes me feel like it, it's definitely a hit to my self-confidence and stuff like that to feel like  I just, I guess not on the same level as everyone else. Okay.  I hear that.  So, that's what it does to you.  So what would you say it costs you then?

What's the opposite of something you Yeah and self. If I wasn't, if I didn't have all that negative self-talk, I would probably be a much happier and more confident person. Yeah. Okay. That's pretty obvious, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.  Does maintaining this thought do anything for you? Is there any payoff that you get outta maintaining this thought?

No not at all. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And so if you could let this thought go you'd be a happier human being. Yeah, for sure.  And that would be desirable. Yeah. Oh definitely desirable to be a happier human being. Yeah. Okay. That's great. Yeah.  Who's producing this thought?

I dunno. I guess it's just a history of experiences that made me feel that way, and so it's just become part of me because I've just been in, in so many experiences that sort of helped cement that idea, but that I just kinda hold onto that because of those experiences.    Yeah. You engaged in a number of experiences that serve to cement it, right? Yeah. You get to just, I call you get to justify it. Yeah. That, that, that's, that becomes a continuous meaning that you attach to certain events like, yeah, I don't matter.     But you're saying we'll     who who is producing this thought?

Me.  You're producing this? Yeah. Oh, you can see that? Yeah.  Okay. That you're the speaker of this thought, Uhhuh. Okay. All right.   Seeing that you're the speaker of this thought, out of all things that are possible, is it within the realm of possibility that you could let this thought go?

Wrong possibility, how easy it will be. I don't know, but I definitely could work on it. Okay.  It's at least possible. Yes. To let it go, you're saying? Yeah.  So when you consider that it's possible, do you notice any fear or resistance to letting it go?

Just a little bit. Just in terms of not even quite a resistance, but just in terms of  I don't even know how I would do that.  You dunno how you would do it. Yeah. I dunno how I would do it. And so I just feel like I, I dunno how I do it. And I think maybe there's a little resistance in terms of, I'm worried about how much work it would take.

To let go of that, and whether I have the time or energy to work on letting go of those kinds of thoughts.  Oh, you mean that you feel it's, that really takes a lot of work to let go of something. That's what I would be worried about. Yeah. Oh, okay.   Is that true to, is that if you're holding something in your hand, let's say would it take a lot of work to let it go?

No, it wouldn't take a lot of work.    It would just No. Be like that.  Okay. No. So so what are you saying would be the work? In letting go of this  I guess it would be how do I stop myself from doing it? And then what do I do in situations where I have  I already had, I've already done it.

I've already had that thought of  I don't matter.    What do I do? And then what happens if I keep trying to let go of that thought and it doesn't work and I just  I can't make it work?  And so that kind of sort of anxiety weird anxiety that comes with it of what if I actually can't do it even though I know it's possible and I just can't get my brain to let go of that thought.

Okay, so what so sounds like the only resistance you have is  feeling like, how could I even do that? Or I can't do it? Yeah. I just don't know how to do it. Yeah.  Okay. But if you did know how to do it, you'd do it. Yeah. I at least try for sure. Okay. All right. Okay.    Let me ask you this question.

 Does any other time but now exist? No. No. This is it, right? As you and I are sitting here Yeah. Having this conversation the past is completely over, is it not? Yep. It's completely over. Everything's over. Yep.  This morning's over five minutes ago is over. It's all over, right? Yep. Does the future exist?

In theory. It's a theory. Yeah.  Does it exist? It does, yeah. It does exist. Yeah.  Something that will ha until  I, it'll be something that will happen.  It doesn't exist currently but it will exist.  Could you tell me when we've arrived in the future? That's fair. We haven't uhhuh.

 Yeah and if you look at it from that perspective, no, the future doesn't exist. Cause it can't yeah.  When we arrive in what we call the future, let's say tomorrow yeah.  Where at that time it would be the present. It's the present, right? Yeah, exactly.    If we were having this conversation yesterday and wondering what's gonna happen tomorrow?

 Here we are. Yeah.  So this moment, as you and I are sitting here is really the only time that exists. True. Yeah. That's true. Okay. This is it. Okay. So I wanna just invite you to look and see for a moment.  Is that thought    I don't matter.  I, is it there or is it gone in this moment? Just this moment.

In this moment. It's kinda there just in terms of, cause we're talking about it and so it's there. It's there.  Do you see it? Yeah.  You hear it. Yeah. Okay. Are you so you're saying to yourself, I don't matter right now  I  feel it. Yeah. You feel it? Yeah. Will you feel the effect of you saying that to you?

 Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. All right.  So in this moment, you're aware of that thought. Yeah.  Okay. And it's, but I wouldn't necessarily, I wouldn't necessarily, I'm unnecessarily aware of it in every moment though.  There is no moment. I am there is No other moment is there than this one.

That's true. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. So if you could let go of it at this moment, would and let's say just for the moment, would that be desirable? Yes. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. So you're open to that. So you're open to letting this go? Yeah. Okay. All right.  When I invite you, maybe just close your eyes for a few moments here.

Okay.  And take a moment to just connect with that thought.

  You might actually silently say that thought, I don't matter. I don't matter. Yeah.  Yeah, that don't matter. Yeah.  Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Then say it to yourself a few, couple more times just to hear yourself. So it don't matter. I don't matter. I don't matter. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Okay. All right. Good.  So now just,  take a moment to see, without trying to figure out how would you be willing, just go ahead and see if you could let that go just for now, that thought? Yeah. Okay. Is it gone?

Yeah. Yeah, it's gone. Yeah. It's smooth. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, what's that    I feel less tense. Oh, for sure. Less tense.  Yeah, less tense.  I can just let it go, and think about something else, and I don't feel as much tension in my body. Okay. All right. Okay. Very good. Okay. Yeah.    Cool.

Very cool. Yeah. Okay.  So, there's a little opening here it sounds or it feels like another step in this process is looking to see,  If you had the power to create your experience or replace that experience, I don't matter with anything of your desire.  What would you like to replace it with if you could?

    I guess essentially replacing it with the opposite that I do matter. The okay. With the opposite. Okay. That I do matter. Okay. Okay. Okay. W would you be willing to let that feeling in? Yeah. Just for now. Yeah. Okay. Are you present to that feeling right now? I'm trying.  Do you experience in this moment I matter?

Not really. Not really. Yeah. Okay. Oh, so there's a block there. Yeah,  I think it's hard to  I'm so used to  the opposite thought that I think it's hard to engage with.  The opposite of I do matter.  It's a kind of foreign idea, right? Yeah. It's like I'm it's a lot easier to, I think it's easier to let go of a thought by getting distracted by something else or just letting it be,  breathing it out.  But I think it's a lot harder to let in a new thought that goes so against other thoughts that I've had.   Is this new thought against that thought, or is this new thought just. A creation of the space that's available, having let that other thought go.

I think in my head, it's the first one, and in my head, it feels like the opposite. In actuality, it's,    it's just its own new thing.  Yeah. Yeah. It's new, right? Yeah. I got that. It's unfamiliar.  Yeah. Would you be willing to just in your own awareness, Share some examples of the evidence in your life that you do matter.

 Like you might    again a little technique,  maybe begin some sentences with the words  I matter fill in the blank here or there, wherever.  I think it's harder to think of specific. Example, I think of the negative sticking out in our head and so much more than the positive.

 I hear you. I know that very, go ahead. I know that  I matter as a wife, I matter as a mother  I matter as a friend.  If I wasn't here, there would be a lot of people that would lose out on that. And so for those reasons,  I know I do matter. Okay. All right. So that's true too.

Isn't you not just making that, you're not just making that up, are you?    Maybe you're making it up may, you can see where you really do matter Yes. In these situations that you just described, right? Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Very cool.  I, if you could. Let's say bring that quality of I matter to all areas of your life.

Just that's just something that you live in, you don't have to even say it, but just live in  the experience of, or the knowing I matter.  How could you not matter actually?  In actuality. Yeah. Is that true?  Yeah, that's true. Yeah. How could you actually, how could you not matter your presence not matter.

Yeah. Yeah.   I guess positive or negative my presence means something. Absolutely. Yeah.  Yeah.  Yeah.    Consider just in relation to your parents that could shift just how you relate to them.  Just li living in the space of Ima or, and see what comes out of that for you.

 That could be  the communication of some sort or just maybe you learning to engage with them on their own level perhaps, or whatever they're doing the kind thing. Yeah.  Yeah  I think, and it's thought I've had for a long time, just needing to let go of. My expectation of what they should be and just accept them for this is the way that it's gonna be and having dreams of what I wish they could be is a waste of my time and energy.

 Maybe in the future, if I'm willing to engage with them to see if they're willing to change, we could, but focusing on what could be doesn't really help me at all. That's really well said, what you just said. Really great. Yeah.   You're talking about expectation.     That's what we tend to bring. And you think of expectation in the sense of what you've learned to expect them to be exactly the way they are, right?      And this. Relationship and encounter that you have with it to be exactly the way it is.

So and it doesn't ever fit your expectation or maybe what you desire.  So I mean that's just as a point there, that really is the basis of just about all our upsets in life. Yep.  In life, others just don't fit our expectations and we have a certain, and that turns into kind of an inner demand that they should be different than how they are and they're not.

And so I have everywhere, I have a lot of expectations. And then when things don't fit those expectations.    Yeah.  I know you said in your questionnaire that what you find yourself how did you put it?  Snapping,  Yeah. Things that go your way with your child sometimes and you get upset.

Yeah. With my child and my husband. Yeah.

Get overwhelmed or I get overstimulated and it's just hard to reign in my emotions.  Who would it make any difference to you if you could give up expectations? Oh, it would. It definitely would. Okay. All right. Okay.  That's a thought too, isn't it? It's, yeah. It's, an expectation is a belief.

 An expectation is a belief that begins with the words should. Yep. Should or should not, right? Yep.  Something should happen or something should not happen.  And would giving up expectation what would that amount to for you if you gave up expectation? I think it would have amounted up to a lot.

I think it would make me happier. I think it would make my relationship better if I could just let go of all the. As you said, they shouldn't, and should not my husband should be doing this, my husband should not be doing that. And especially with my son he's two years old. He shouldn't have any expectations.

 He's a toddler, he's a crazy toddler.    It's ridiculous of me to pretty much expect anything from him.  And so I think it would improve a lot of my relationships if I could just let them be who they are and not try to dream of some better version of what I would want. Wow. Wow.

That's awesome. Yeah. That's gonna be awesome. Yeah.  All okay. So a lot of positive payoffs in, giving up expectations.    Okay.  I  hear it is learning to approach situations newly.  Freshly, yeah.  Like not bringing baggage into it, but being aware.

Yeah. And to be more flexible.  In terms of if something doesn't meet my expectations,  cause I think having expectations is fine to an extent in terms of having an expectation of maybe what you want in a partner, having an expectation of what your boundaries are with family, friends, whatever.

And I think expectations are fine. It's just when you. Think that everything should fit those expectations when the issue comes up. And I think if I had more flexibility to be like, okay, this didn't quite meet my expectations, that's okay.  I think that something that I would really benefit from is just having the flexibility of letting go of those expectations if they don't work out.

Beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah.  I what again, what you said    I hear that is, is learning to let go of my attachment to expectations. Yeah.  It's what is some circle l learn to expect the unexpected. Yes. Yeah. So yeah, that's great. Learn to be okay with this point if things don't work out Exactly right.

Yeah.  That's the other part of learning to accept your feelings, right? Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. That's cool. So well. All right.  Given that this is the only time that exists is it possible that you could give up expecting anything at this moment for let's say just for now? I think so.

Okay. All right.  Go ahead. Just see if you could give up expecting anything just for a moment.

Yeah,  I think it just. I think I just need  to disengage the part of my brain that's constantly  I guess almost like the childlike part of my brain that's just  I want what I want and that's what I want.  Just engaging from that and just being like, okay, it's fine if it happens. If it doesn't. And just being a little more laid back. Okay.    So could you say then in, at this moment, again, the only time that exists anyway in this moment, you're free of any expectation at this moment, this instant ex expecting anything?

No. No. Expecting, no expectation right now? No. Okay. What's that like? What's that like? It's nice not having to think about the things that I expect to happen or want to happen is nice.  Just letting my mind be empty.  Okay. Okay. You said it already, but, okay so  if you were to substitute or to replace expecting anything with anything else, what would you like to replace?

Expecting anything? I think I would just    I guess almost nothing like it, I think I would prefer to just have that emptiness or just the.  I wish I could be just more laid back and relaxed about everything and just go with the flower. Okay. That's great. Great.

 Okay,    could you imagine then let's say,  the rest of your day, Kind of thing, what you anticipate doing right after this, and what you anticipate occurring for the rest of the day? Could you take a moment to picture that in your mind and see those scenes in your mind?

Yeah. Okay.  And then as you picture those scenes in your mind, can you imagine bringing let's say okayness to it all? I think most of it, I probably could. I think there would be a few things that I'd struggle with here or there, but I think most of it is okay, it's gonna be a love day so the thing that you struggle with the most see if just go ahead and find out and see if you could perhaps replace whatever you're struggling with there with feeling okay.

Yeah. And being okay. Yeah.  Okay. I think it's weirdly enough    it's almost replacing the thought of currently I'm thinking about the fact that our house is a complete mess and like we need to clean it. And so there's a lot of expectation there of getting a clean house and it's like doesnt matter, something that doesn't matter it's okay if I let go of the house, go for another day.

It's okay if I let go of that expectation that the house is gonna be clean because we can clean it another day. It'll get there when it gets there. Perfect. That's great. Awesome. Cool. Very cool. Okay,  I think you've done something good here. Yeah, I think it's gonna take more practice to kinda make it a more consistent thing, but Yeah.

Yeah.  That's true. Okay but so well, at least in this conversation, you let go of what we were talking about, like expectation. Yeah. And this thought  I don't matter kind of thing.  So you let go of that, at least for a moment. That doesn't mean after our conversation, you're gonna not just pick it right back up and Yeah.

Play, play the same old number. In your mind, right? The same old tune. Yep. Yep.  Okay, that doesn't mean failure, that's just another thing to be aware of and perhaps brings the question, could I let this go now? I. Yeah. Yeah. Just kind because some, sometimes as far as letting go of things, it takes a few runs at it,  yeah. Because Mo, the moment we let go of something okay. Is the same moment we pick it back up kind of thing. Yeah.   But after a while, as you continue to let go and experience the happiness that comes out of that. Yeah.  You don't, but I think that, That strikes me as a very helpful habit to try and form just once something comes up, say, can I let this go?

 Because I think so often  I might get mad about something and if I could just stop myself in the moment and think, can I just let this go? Yeah. E Even if it's just for right now. Can I let this go? I think would help a lot. Beautiful. Beautiful. That's great. Yeah.  And that's a good question to verbalize to yourself.

 To actually speak the question.  Could I, whatever you're aware of there, that maybe going round and round or persisting is to act, actually verbalize the question. Could I let this go?    Would you say those words out loud just for now, just to practice? Can I let this go? Okay. No.

Okay. You said the word can, that's a little distinction there. Sure. Yeah. Okay. So well consider the difference between can and could.    Can is do I have the ability, right?  Could is a possibility. That's true. True. Okay. Yeah.  So try saying it this way. Could I let this go? Could I let this go?

Okay. All right. Yeah.    Yeah, exactly. Difference. Yeah. Yeah.  And that evokes a response. It ba basically evokes a yes or no response, right?  Is it possible could, is it possible? Let this go?  Yeah. Yeah. It's possible. Yeah. Okay. And then you can take it a little farther in terms of tapping into actually letting it go, cuz some, but sometimes just asking that question just in the asking of the question and responding to it, it dissipates.

But you can ask a couple of other questions beyond that.  Would I let this go? Because that, that, that question is a, again, a yes or no question. It's asking am I willing. Yeah. Am I willing to let this go?  Okay. Am I willing to let this go? Yeah. Yeah. I'm willing. And then the next question is, okay.

Like when okay. Right now? Yeah. Might as well. Yeah.  Exactly.   We're always living in the present, so Exactly. Now, then when, yeah.  Yeah.  You'll notice out of asking those questions and responding to them that it goes, yep.  Yeah, no, I think that would be very helpful.

Yeah. Okay. All right.  Good.  We're coming to the end of our meeting here all let's this is the way we end each meeting is actually a little bit, the way we start each meeting is again, maybe with a word that names my here and now experience coming to a close or a meeting, and then a few words just.

How do I feel about this meeting? Is there anything that I take from this conversation at all? Any insight, realization, or anything at all? That's  an evaluative question. Yeah,  I think curiosity is a good word for it in terms of just curiosity of exploring this idea more in my life and seeing what kind of impact it can make and trying to be diligent about actually doing it and not just  For getting to do it and then having to get to call by the wayside.

Okay. Awesome. All right. All right. Good. Yeah.  Yeah.  That, that's  I would yeah. Encourage you to, yeah.    Okay.  This would be the little technique to just boil it all down to ask the que, first of all, to verbalize the questions.    Could I let this go? And answer that question, is it possible?

Yeah. Yeah. Would I let this go? That's the way of asking.  Am I willing to let this go?  Oh, yeah. I'm willing.  And when right now, yep. Could I, would I when? All right. That's an easy way to remember it, Uhhuh, right? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's learning to take charge of your consciousness.

Yeah.   To know that you can free yourself from the prison of I'm, I don't matter.    When you start living in just the reality of I matter your life will transform. Yeah.  Yeah, I agree. All right.  Good.  All right we'll stop here.

 Go forth in peace and joy.

Thank you. All right. Take care. All. Thank you. Good. Thank.