Finding Worthiness and Self-Acceptance

Have you ever felt like life's relentless pace is a circus performance, with you as the star juggler? Our guest James certainly has, and in a heart-to-heart, he reveals the emotional toll of managing family, work, and personal ambitions. We traverse his quest for serenity through the chaos, as he aims to shed the title of 'human juggler' and seeks a life marked by clarity and focus. James's story echoes the sentiments of many, struggling to find balance in an ever-demanding world, and his earnest desire for personal growth and fulfillment shines a light on the universal challenge of life transitions.

Imagine pouring your soul into a craft for over a decade, only to find the limelight and livelihood as elusive as ever. That's the reality for a dedicated artist we sit down with, who has been creating bold, abstract art since 2010. Their journey underscores the harsh truth that, unlike the fast-moving corporate world, artistic recognition and financial stability can be painfully slow to arrive. We grapple with their emotional endurance and the potential of having to choose between passion and practicality, painting a vivid picture of the art world's demanding nature versus the artist's unwavering commitment.

Our conversation takes a deeper turn as we explore the profound topic of self-worth beyond societal expectations. We dive into the conflict between the desire to live authentically and the pressure to conform, with stories that navigate the complexities of identity, acceptance, and the power of self-affirmation. Even in the face of career uncertainties or the struggle to meet cultural norms, we underscore the transformative impact of recognizing one's inherent value. This episode is an affirmation in itself, a reminder that our worth is an intrinsic treasure, undiminished by the external forces that surround us.

Transcript

Speaker 2 0:22

Hello and welcome to the Eyewitness to Therapy, the one-of-a-kind podcast that focuses on a real-life therapy situation. I'm your host, court Curtis, psychologist and therapist, passionate about bringing you into an immersive experience of self-awareness through therapy. In each episode, we dive deep into the struggles our guests face and guide them on a journey of self-discovery and resolution. As your dedicated therapist, my purpose is to create a safe space where you can openly share and address your issues. We'll explore the power of the present moment in resolving your concerns, knowing that the past is completely over and the future is never yet. The past is completely over and the future is never yet. The key to healing lies in awareness, in being witness to your consciousness, and that's precisely what we'll uncover together in every episode of Eyewitness to Therapy. So join us as we navigate the transformative power of therapy and self-awareness. Welcome to another episode of Eyewitness to Therapy. Every individual that I interview in this podcast has volunteered to participate in a one-time therapy session, and so I'm happy to welcome a new guest today. This is the first time we have ever met, so I know virtually nothing about this person other than from a very brief questionnaire that they filled out prior to this meeting. Every guest's identity is anonymous. All therapy is centered around the guest's issues and goals. Whatever they bring forth into the session becomes the focus of our conversation, and my goal is to be helpful in the best way I can.

Speaker 2 2:01

Gestalt therapy is all about living in the moment, and that is exactly where we start each session. I ask my guests to take a moment and allow a word or short phrase to bubble up in consciousness that simply names their here and now experience. And then I have them expound on that word what that word says of them, about them or about anything. And then I ask that they declare an intention for the session. An intention can be anything, such as what they hope to gain from the session or want help with. Declaring an intention from the outset helps frame our conversation and also serves to create a purpose and goal for our session. And then, lastly, we end each session the way we begin, with just a word that names their here and now experience.

Speaker 2 2:47

As we come to the close of our conversation, as well as a few words about how they feel about our session. Is there a takeaway, an insight or realization that they gained from our meeting together? That's the question. So come along with us as we step into this journey of exploration. Where the conversation goes, nobody knows, but that's also the excitement of therapy, a step into the unknown of possibilities. So, without further ado, let's welcome our new guest, james. Welcome to our conversation today.

Speaker 1 3:26

Thank you.

Speaker 2 3:27

Just to lay a little groundwork for our meeting. First of all, I don't really know anything about you, except a little bit that you shared in the questionnaire. And you probably don't know anything about me either, except perhaps maybe you've done your own research. I don't know, perhaps maybe you've done your own research, I don't know. The purpose of our meeting really is to create a space for you to bring forth anything that you might like to address or work on here or focus on, so we can focus on whatever it is you desire to focus on in our conversation today.

Speaker 2 4:04

This is the way we start each meeting. I would like you to take just a moment here to reflect on your life yourself, your situation, your relationships, your present situation, your thoughts, your feelings. And, as you reflect on these various areas of your life, assign one word, just one word that simply names your experiential or feeling state in relationship to these areas. So you don't need to identify the areas, just simply name your feeling state and go for as many words as you choose or desire, and then stop when you wish and then end with. My intention for our session today is and then fill in the blank with whatever you fill in the blank with.

Speaker 1 4:55

Okay. So as many words as possible. Adjectives, words. And then my intentions for today's session is Correct Exactly Okay, all right. Words. And then my intentions for the day session is correct exactly okay, all right. So shall we start now? Yeah, go right ahead. Okay, complex, there's the first night. You didn't even have to finish the whole statement and I could say complex is probably number one. Full, extremely full, loving ties into complex, but I don't know the right word for it, but it's unbalanced if you want to use that. But it's like positive and negative back and forth. Yeah, you could say you could use the word dream, state dreamy. I think I'm in the midst of Transitional period.

Speaker 2 6:11

Okay, so to find clarity in the next stage of your life which you're in the midst of, okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 6:18

All right, All right, Perfect. What you just did there was just acknowledge the landscape of your inner life with a few words, and that sometimes can lead to something you might want to focus on, but it sounds like you've got an intention to focus on what you just said, so feel free if you would like to jump in wherever you would like, just in terms of what you're dealing with, or when you say the next stage of your life. Maybe a good thing to start with. Where am I in this next stage of my life and perhaps where do I see myself going or wanting to go?

Speaker 1 6:56

Yeah, I use the word complex. It's the first thing that came to my mind and the next stage of my life. I want it to be extremely simple. I feel like my life forces keep doing a million things, a bunch of things, all at the same time, which somehow I've been called like a human juggler and I'm halfway decent at it, but I'm halfway decent at it, but I'm very tired. So you've got a lot of things you're juggling in your life yes.

Speaker 1 7:31

I see a lot of things when it comes to family relationships. Job wise, just in December I had five jobs and you can say that in many parts of my aspects, I just don't have one of anything.

Speaker 2 7:57

And that's the complexity that you're talking about.

Speaker 1 7:59

That's the complexity issue. That's the complexity issue. I'm good at it, but at the same time, as a human being, you only have 24 hours in a day and if you're trying to live a healthy lifestyle, you probably want to sleep at least eight of those days, eight of those hours. And you're not, not necessarily, not every day, not every day. I tell those who's close to me I never have time to myself, I never have time to rest. I see, okay. And I bring that on myself.

Speaker 2 8:33

All right. Well, how do you feel about all these things that you're juggling within your life? Are these things that are, yeah, are they necessary things or important things that you're dealing with, and how do you feel that you're handling all of that?

Balancing Art and Daily Responsibilities

Speaker 1 8:53

It probably still feels like I'm a young man, but as a young man I was really good at juggling them because I had all the energy in the world. But now that I'm in my mid-30s and I have a child that has been thrown into the mix as well, I'm still. I still think I'm juggling doing the juggling a bit pretty well. Not probably I've lost energy. I've lost passion and maybe the more cynical side of me is coming into play, because back then, when I was busting my ass on doing a million things, I always was under the impression that, as long as you work hard, positive results that you think is going to come from it is going to come.

Speaker 2 9:52

And.

Speaker 1 9:53

I don't know if that's the case.

Speaker 2 9:55

So you don't feel like that's occurring positive results from what you're doing.

Speaker 1 10:01

They are but not at the pace that I would want it to be, and not at the financial, for the lack of words, reward, compensation that I'll be looking at. The effort isn't equaling the money and the recognition a little bit more so than the money. We live in a world that you need money. Recognition by whom? Let's say, I'm going to say that I'm an artist. So recognition by the galleries, recognition by museums, when you're climbing the success ladder, you need these institutions to continue forward.

Speaker 2 10:47

Okay okay, so you're an artist, I'm an artist. Yeah, can you share just a little bit about your art?

Speaker 1 10:56

I'm a painter. I do more than just painting. I'm a painter, I'm an actor, I'm a poet. When it comes to painting, I'm an abstract painter Very bold, very colorful artwork and I also went to business school and I have a degree in that. I've cultivated all that into my art practice as well. I see, okay, I've been doing it since professionally, 2010.

Speaker 2 11:23

I see, okay, and so is that an area. You feel like you're not moving it as fast a pace as you would like and you're not getting financially acknowledged and recognized. Is that what?

Speaker 1 11:37

you're saying yes, this isn't a secret, there's a hard life to live. It isn't a secret that it's a hard life to live, and it was something on my doing that I decided to go forward on pursuing, and I've been doing it for the past 14 years, and now it's time, for now I'm tired.

Speaker 2 12:01

Time for a change, so what?

Speaker 1 12:06

you're talking about. You've been doing the last 14 years the art the art.

Speaker 2 12:11

yeah, the art gig I see, okay, I think okay, any one of those art areas that you focus on the most or that you hope or want to fulfill the most.

Speaker 1 12:24

Painting, painting. When I first started in 2010, I would have said acting, but in all truth, acting is even harder to find success in than painting, at least. I always joked and said acting is like when you're a kid in school and they're picking the football teams you're praying to God that you're going to get picked. You might not, but with art, at the very least, I can go to my studio and paint, because in acting, things have changed since 2010. Yes, but in acting you need a team, you just can't go and act. And in painting you don't need a team, you can just go and paint you can just go and create uh-huh, yeah, and that's what you're doing.

Speaker 2 13:21

You're actually doing that. You're just, you're doing your painting. You've given up focusing on acting.

Speaker 1 13:28

I haven't given up focusing on acting. It's more in these 14 years, cultivating relationships in a grassroots way to do things on an independent level when it comes to acting. So I don't have to knock down the big city agencies to be an actor. I find friends who write plays. We become friends. I find a director, they direct it and I act in it. I see, Okay. That's the business coming into it.

Speaker 2 14:06

Okay, so you're taking that as it comes, basically.

Speaker 1 14:10

Yes.

Speaker 2 14:11

But your painting is the thing that you're most focused on now.

Speaker 1 14:15

Yes, that I've been most focused on in these past 14 years.

Speaker 2 14:19

I see, okay, I'm a little curious about that. So when you say painting, I'm curious, like what kind of painting and artwork?

Speaker 1 14:30

Acrylic abstract art Very geometrical, very colorful, bold, geometrical, very colorful, bold.

Speaker 2 14:37

Yeah, I see, okay, okay, and something that you enjoy doing, I do I do enjoy it.

Speaker 1 14:52

I haven't painted as much as I will want to, as I did in previous years, but for me it's always been like a meditation. I see I can just go and zone out and just paint and create. I see Painting is hard for many artists because they want to sell their paintings. Obviously, you want to try and make a living off of this, so there's that aspect that now comes into play.

Speaker 2 15:15

Yes, yes, so you feel like that's not happening for you, you're not getting paid or this is not bringing in much an income for you and you're not getting the recognition that you deserve.

Speaker 1 15:27

Yeah yeah now livable income. I see, okay yeah the recognition is there, but it's slow but it's slow, yeah, okay, so you are getting recognition.

Speaker 1 15:40

Yeah, I am. I've been in a couple gallery shows and I'm locally known. Let's say that, okay, in 14 years let's say, generally speaking, one who got a corporate job of sorts straight out of college 14 years go by and they work hard. That's the difference between the corporate world and maybe an independent artist world. You work hard. There's a good chance that you're going to have some form of recognition and financial compensation to go along in those 14 years. You're going to be pretty high up in that rank.

Speaker 2 16:26

That's certainly the desire right To be recognized and have it bring in some kind of income. Yes, yes, and so are you saying that's not happening to any extent, Because you're saying is that an area where you? Want things to move, maybe at a faster pace than they are At a faster pace.

Speaker 1 16:43

It's happening at an extent, but at a faster pace, and the thing is that I don't know if my patience level can continue on to see this through anymore.

Speaker 2 16:55

Oh, okay, tell me a little bit about that, your patience level. So are you?

Speaker 1 17:02

losing patience. Yeah, 14 years of not making a livable wage on this passion of mine has worn on me.

Speaker 2 17:13

I see Gotcha, okay, okay. And then let's see a couple of other things. I'm curious. So you're saying that you have a lot of other things going on in your life that you're handling. That's taking your energy.

Speaker 1 17:27

Yeah, I have a son. He's a preschool age so I do a lot of the child care for him because his mother works a steady job as an artist.

Speaker 1 17:46

I might have, seems, to be more free time I see and so I watch, I do a lot of his child caring with my family. My, my family is healthy, but I'm an only child. But in the family nucleus that I grew up in I grew up with cousins and so I'm also looked at as the older brother, as the oldest sibling, so I might have oldest sibling syndrome of sorts.

Speaker 2 18:15

What does that mean? Oldest sibling syndrome? Can you say a little bit more about that?

Speaker 1 18:20

What does that mean? Oldest sibling syndrome. Can you say a little bit more about that? Making sure that the family is okay, people are taken care of, and also setting a positive example of what the other should emulate to the other my cousin, but the younger siblings should apply it to.

Speaker 2 18:43

That's like a thought in the head so, like you're, you've been designated the one who's the big brother kind of person, who's taking charge of things, and, yeah, and that's become the expectation of you and your family somewhat.

Speaker 1 19:02

It might not be, it not, it might not be said, but yeah I see, okay, okay, let's come down to.

Speaker 2 19:12

So what's the feeling state then you feel in regard to all of this? Because I'm hearing you say you're doing what you're doing and you're losing some patience with yourself and things aren't moving as fast as you would like them to, but they are moving. Is that true? They are moving, they are moving.

Speaker 1 19:34

I would be lying to you if I didn't say that they're not moving. They are moving, okay.

Speaker 2 19:39

Just not as fast. Yes, you would like. Okay, yeah, and so when you contemplate that or get in touch with that, maybe you've shared it already here. So what's the healing state that you feel in reaction or response to at home?

Speaker 1 19:57

It's the feeling I think is complex, complicated. Complicated okay, yeah, complicated In your heart. You want to live out this life that you set yourself for, but the realities aren't matching up. Okay, how does one marry them both together, and are they marriable?

Speaker 2 20:22

Okay, the realities of your everyday life and dealing with the everyday life and also being an artist. Mm-hmm, how can I marry both of those together? Mm-hmm? Okay, do you feel like one is taking you away from the other in some ways?

Speaker 1 20:37

The everyday life is taking you away from the other. In some ways, everyday life is taking me away from what I've dreamed to aspire to be as an artist. I see, okay, the everyday grind and hustle of this culture that we find ourselves in.

Speaker 2 20:52

Okay, all right, having to hustle and make it.

Speaker 1 20:56

Make it, make ends meet, yeah.

Speaker 2 20:59

Exactly.

Speaker 1 20:59

Make it and make ends meet. Yeah, make it and make ends meet. Yes, I hear you there, and this has been the work I've been trying to do with myself for over the past year, or even more than that for my lifetime, but definitely focused on in the past year and some changes the idea of shifting my mindset on what success looks like. What do I really need in order to survive and live on and to give up the rest?

Speaker 2 21:30

Okay. To give up the rest, so shifting my mindset on what success looks like.

Speaker 1 21:37

Yes.

Speaker 2 21:37

Okay. So what is your mindset on what success looks like? Yes, okay. So what is your mindset on what success looks like? I know you might be repeating some things here already.

Speaker 1 21:44

Yeah, but back in the day my mind of what success looked like was getting the recognition and climbing the if we're talking as an artist, climbing the institutional rungs from gallery to small museum to big museum that and financial success, at the very least being able to make a livable wage selling my art.

Speaker 2 22:14

I see Okay, that would be like your vision, would you say.

Speaker 1 22:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2 22:20

That you fulfill. That might represent what success might look like for you if you fulfill that.

Speaker 1 22:27

Yeah.

Speaker 2 22:28

Okay, yeah, okay Okay.

Speaker 1 22:32

Yeah, giving that up and saying, okay, one can be an artist, but one doesn't have to do the hamster wheel that us artists have to do.

Speaker 2 22:47

Okay, Just be one, just be an artist, just be an artist, just be an artist. That might represent the shift in your consciousness. Would you say, just to be an artist and just be happy being an artist.

Speaker 1 23:02

Just be happy being an artist.

Speaker 2 23:04

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 23:04

Just be happy being an artist.

Speaker 2 23:07

Okay, and so not so focused on the end goals. Just be Uh-huh, just be, just be, just enjoy what you're doing and doing what you're doing.

Speaker 1 23:18

Yeah.

Speaker 2 23:19

Yeah, okay, without jumping into the future of what you hope or wish or want it all to look like.

Speaker 1 23:28

Yeah, yeah, okay, and in my opinion, that's for the whole aspect of my life.

Speaker 2 23:38

Just be yeah, okay, okay, whole and the whole aspect of my life just be yeah, okay, okay, oh, okay. Was anything preventing you from just being and doing what you're saying there?

Speaker 1 23:49

I'm working towards that. I'm working towards that. I'm working towards marrying my mindset to reality okay you know before. Then you create this narrative for yourself. You create this is this goal-oriented, dream-oriented type of lifestyle for yourself, and reality might not fit that. So it's just about seeing what reality really is and marrying those two together and say, okay, this is what it is and just be that.

Speaker 2 24:19

That's what I'm hearing you say is to get in touch with just the way it is, and the way it is right now.

Speaker 1 24:26

Yeah, and I have to start to be okay with that, start to be okay with not accumulating the financial wealth that I was looking forward to. Okay.

Speaker 2 24:44

So just start to be okay with the way it is, versus focusing on the financial and what you don't have and don't have enough and so on.

Speaker 1 24:53

Yeah, I don't have enough yeah.

Speaker 2 24:55

Okay, just being okay with the way it is. Yeah. Yeah, could you be okay with the way it is? Yeah, yeah, could you be?

Speaker 1 25:02

okay with the way it is. No, that's what I've been working on this past year, like, yeah, get my mindset, my spirit, to that. Uh-huh, I'm getting there. I feel like I'm getting close to that.

Speaker 2 25:16

Okay, well, try just saying these words right now and see how they resonate. My situation and what I'm doing is the way it is.

Speaker 1 25:24

My situation and what I'm doing is the way it is.

Speaker 2 25:28

Okay, that's true, isn't it my?

Speaker 1 25:32

situation and what I'm doing is the way it is. It's true, it is the way it is. It is the way it is. It is yeah, and accepting that.

Speaker 2 25:44

And accepting that. Okay, so that may be another thing that you get into is not accepting it. Is that true?

Speaker 1 25:53

Yes, and that's what I have to work on. The fight back of not accepting it no, accept it.

Speaker 2 26:00

Okay, I hear you there. Okay, is it possible to let go of your non-acceptance of this?

Speaker 1 26:09

It's possible, it's possible, it's possible. That's, yes, that is for myself, and I want to speak for many of us. That is our life goal to to get rid of that part for lack of better words. So they get rid of that part, and then things in life will become easier.

Speaker 2 26:29

Okay, you getting rid of the non-acceptance part.

Speaker 1 26:32

Yes.

Speaker 2 26:33

Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 26:35

Because life is the way it is. That's true, isn't it? Accept it, uh-huh, the way it is. That's true, isn't?

Speaker 2 26:39

it. You have to accept it, uh-huh, yeah. Yeah, I guess you don't have to, but I suppose you could.

Speaker 1 26:47

You don't have to, but that's where struggle comes into play.

Speaker 2 26:51

Yeah, I think I'm hearing that it's the non-acceptance of the way it is what you're dealing with or struggling with there. Right, if I could somehow let go of the non-acceptance part of all of this and maybe I could just return to just doing doing what I'm doing and being how I'm being yeah that, that that brings in that brings in this the simplicity that I'm looking for, okay, okay. So so you do notice this part of you that the non-accepting part.

Speaker 1 27:29

Is that right?

Speaker 2 27:29

I do notice it yeah, okay, can you show just a little bit more about what that part of you is like, the non-acceptance part? What's the voice of that non-acceptance? If you you could put that in words, perhaps the non-accepting thoughts. What are my non-accepting thoughts?

Speaker 1 27:47

That's a great question. I'm sorry you got me there because I've never thought of that. Okay, I think about a lot of things, but that part I have not.

Speaker 2 27:59

Okay, okay, okay, but you do notice there's a not accepting part of you, right? Yeah, so consider that not accepting part is, you know, consists of your thinking. There's certain thinkings that represent that non-accepting part that maybe, yeah, you haven't really explored or recognized.

Speaker 1 28:23

Perhaps yeah, maybe it's great. The non-accepting part might be that. How do I put this in words?

Speaker 2 28:38

I'm gonna try my, try my best.

Speaker 1 28:39

I'm going to fumble through it. That's fine. I want to live an open artist life. Let's say, be an artist, create.

Speaker 2 28:53

Okay, that's something that you want. I want to live an open artist life. Got it Be?

Speaker 1 28:58

free Be open, okay, but it feels that society has set up certain parameters for what one's life should look like Financial success of sorts. In my opinion, this is what I think.

Speaker 2 29:17

Yes, I hear you there. This is the cultural kind of definition of success, right?

Speaker 1 29:22

Yes, financial success, traditional family, nuclear structure, getting up to go to work, hustle, yeah, okay. My non-accepting self is probably, if it had a voice, would be like I can't accept this societal reality that we're living in and I want to reject it. But in rejecting it causes internal struggle because that's what I've been growing up and been taught.

Speaker 2 29:58

Okay, would you say those words one more time. I can't accept. Fill in the blank.

Speaker 1 30:02

I can't accept the societal standards or notions that I feel many of us follow, and I've been taught as from childhood.

Speaker 2 30:18

Would you say that one more time, but substitute the word I refuse with the word I can't See how that sounds. I refuse to.

Speaker 1 30:30

I can't accept.

Speaker 2 30:32

You say I can't accept, Just try using the word I refuse and see how that resonates. I refuse to accept.

Speaker 1 30:38

Let's say Okay, I refuse to accept, okay, the societal standards that many of us have been following and, at the very least, that I've been brought up upon since childhood. Okay, and that is my non-accepting self-speaking.

Speaker 2 31:03

I see, okay, okay. So I refuse to accept this standard of the societal standard of what success is. I refuse to accept that. I don't want to accept that.

Speaker 1 31:16

I don't want to accept it. I refuse to accept that. I refuse to accept how a only way one can get ahead, or the only way that happiness can come about, is if we hustle, burn ourselves out to acquire more money.

Speaker 2 31:38

I refuse to accept that basically.

Speaker 1 31:41

Yeah, I refuse to accept that my only idea of self-worth is through recognition from others.

Speaker 2 31:52

Okay, okay. Would you say that sentence one more time, what you just said?

Speaker 1 31:58

I refuse to accept that my self-worth only comes from the recognition of others.

Speaker 2 32:03

Okay, all right. Would you say that just one more time.

Speaker 1 32:07

I refuse to accept that my self-worth only comes from the recognition of others.

Speaker 2 32:12

Okay, is that true? It's true? Yeah, it's true. In other words, your self-worth is not just based on the recognition from others.

Speaker 1 32:25

No, it's not, it never has. No, it's not, it never has. But due to how society has been structured and that we live in.

Speaker 2 32:41

it kind of makes you feel that's the way I hear you. Okay, so try this sentence, fill in the blank and see what shows up for you. My self-worth is based on shows up for you.

Speaker 1 32:55

My self-worth is based on my self-worth is based on. My self-worth is based on me being comfortable with myself.

Speaker 2 32:58

Okay, my self-worth is based on me being comfortable with myself yeah yeah, okay, being comfortable with myself, not not trying to fit myself into some cultural idea of what success is, but just being comfortable with myself.

Speaker 1 33:13

Yeah, fit into a cultural idea, societal idea or family idea or relationship idea or job idea.

Speaker 2 33:25

Yes, Okay, okay, I hear that. Yeah, so could you be comfortable with yourself?

Speaker 1 33:35

yeah, yes, yes, yeah, yeah, I, that's true. This is why I think it's complex. This is this is why that that was the first word came to me, because I feel that I am very comfortable with myself. Is it 100%? No, but I damn close think it's close to 100, if not 90, if not 85. It's in that range somewhere.

Speaker 2 33:55

Okay okay.

Speaker 1 33:56

The problem is that as a human being, love or hate, we're tied to other human beings. We're tied to relationships and politics, so being comfortable with myself. Others may not accept that. Others may not accept that there's pushback, uh-huh, okay.

Speaker 2 34:19

What I hear in that it's nice to get recognition right For what you're doing.

Speaker 1 34:25

It's nice to get recognition. It's nice to be accepted.

Speaker 2 34:27

And to be accepted, to be acknowledged. That's nice to get. However, I guess what I'm hearing you say is, at least up to this point. I've relied on that for my self-worth and the fact that maybe that I haven't been getting that, let's say, to the extent that I desire it, maybe that's impacting my self-worth. But I'm also hearing you say my self-worth is not based on that. Really, maybe I've made it based on that. My self-worth is simply based on being comfortable with myself.

Speaker 1 34:58

Yes, yes, so both sides are true. Both sides are true. That's a negative and positive that I was speaking of earlier as an example. There's many of those in my life, but that's a negative and positive that I was speaking of earlier as an example. There's many of those in my life, but that's a big one.

Speaker 2 35:17

That's probably the main one, the two polar opposites. So what are the polar opposites? Again, how would you define them?

Speaker 1 35:21

The polar opposites is that I know and I'm not here to make myself look good but I know that my self-worth is only tied to me accepting myself and me being okay with me. But the other opposite is that I know that I'm in a society where, if I want to receive love or I want to receive some sort of recognition, I have to form myself in a certain way that might not be completely true to who I am.

Speaker 2 36:00

Okay, but you're saying that both of those could be true.

Speaker 1 36:06

Both of those are true in my life.

Speaker 2 36:08

Or true in your life. Yes, well, I guess one thing that comes up for me and you sharing that is well, again, I can understand it. It's certainly nice to get recognition from our world for the things that we do and our art and so on, for the things that we do and our art and so on, and that either comes or it doesn't, or maybe it doesn't come the way we would like it to and that, at least up till now, you've perhaps bought into. That definition of that would define my success. If I just had that. But I'm also hearing you say that my self-worth is not dependent on that.

Speaker 2 36:55

It would be nice to have it, but the fact that I don't have it doesn't mean anything about my self-worth. Yes, is that true.

Speaker 1 37:03

That's true.

Speaker 2 37:04

Okay. That's true, yeah, say these words and just see how they resonate. I'm worthy, I am worthy. Is that true? It's true, it's true. I'm worthy.

Speaker 1 37:19

Yeah, it resonates very well with me. It's very well with me. I might wake up in the morning and say it to myself personally.

Speaker 2 37:28

Okay, and then try this. I'm worthy, no matter what happens I'm worthy, no matter what happens is that true? That's true too. That's true too. Yeah, very nice, that's true too yeah great, it's great yeah, yeah I know those.

Speaker 1 37:47

Yeah, yeah, those. Both of those are true. I feel them deeply Saying that that's nothing new, that I haven't said to myself. It's just what do I do next in my life?

Speaker 2 38:05

Okay, so what do I do next in my life? Is there anything to do than what you're already doing? Anything to do other than what?

Speaker 1 38:15

I'm already doing, because I'm already on the path on what I'm going to do next.

Speaker 2 38:21

Yeah, consider you're on a path, you're doing what you're doing, and that's going to lead where it goes.

Speaker 1 38:30

Yeah.

Speaker 2 38:30

Things are going to go where they go. Things have gone where they went, at least up till now. Yeah, Maybe you're a little frustrated because they're not going exactly how I desire them to go. Yeah, but sometimes I guess that might be called patience. Things go where they go, but maybe however they go doesn't necessarily mean anything about your self-worth.

Speaker 1 39:04

That's true. That's true. They're not tied together.

Speaker 2 39:11

Exactly, exactly, yeah, yeah. One thing about self-worth consider that our worthiness is inherent. We are inherent worthy just by the virtue that we are alive, that is, by being right, by being yeah, although we can sometimes question our worth, especially what you're saying, when we buy into that our self-worth is dependent on some circumstance or getting some validation or recognition.

Speaker 2 39:50

Yeah that's true. I guess I'm hearing you say that. As far as letting go of something, perhaps that's what you're dealing with letting go of that whole definition of worthiness and just tapping into your already worthiness. Yes, that is the journey I've been already worthiness.

Self-Worth Affirmations and Reminders

Speaker 1 40:09

Yes, that is the journey I've been on. Yes, yeah, I'll just share one quick thing. It's just like this job opportunity that I was looking forward towards. If I didn't wake up in the morning and say I know I'm worthy, that could have been frustrating because it was supposed to be almost a slam dunk. I had told you halfway through that I was doing this year-long job opportunity, internship that was supposed to turn into a full-time, great pay First time in my adult life, and the wind isn't blowing in that direction. So it seems that they might go in a different direction and if I didn't already feel that I was worthy, that might rock me to the core.

Speaker 2 41:02

Yeah, yeah, I got you Exactly, yeah. So maybe are you saying that I'm not rocked to the core because of that. I'm not rocked to the core, I'm worthy Maybe, a disappointment perhaps, or a wish that didn't occur. But sometimes the fact that something didn't occur the way we would like it to is making room for something better to come along with. That's possible.

Speaker 1 41:32

Yeah, that's possible, yeah.

Speaker 2 41:36

But it sounds like the thing for you is to tap into your already established self-worth that you're already worthy. Sometimes that can be a reminding, getting in touch with or in moments when you know you've made yourself worth dependent on something other than in its inherent, simply acknowledging that this has nothing to do with my self-worth. I'm already worthy strong reminder. Yeah, you know what an affirmation is yeah, yeah oh yeah I'm declaring I'm worthy.

Speaker 1 42:18

I'm worthy no matter what I'm ready, no matter what I'm already worthy, something like that.

Speaker 2 42:26

yeah, so we are coming towards the end of this conversation here, so I know maybe there's more to flesh out, perhaps, but so let's come back to the present moment here, because this is a little bit the way we end our meetings. So look and see what am I experiencing in this present moment, coming to a close of this conversation we just had, and then a few words. How do I feel about this conversation? Is there anything that I take from this at all?

Speaker 1 42:57

but adjectives are like sentences adjectives or sentences.

Speaker 1 43:02

Yeah, you can is A sense of relief and peace. Yeah, it was a good reminder to say that I'm worthy. I might have not said it to myself in the past couple of weeks as often as I generally do say it to myself, but it was a good reminder to see that recognition and to see that just because things don't work out in your life does not make you unworthy. So it's like, as you said, it's self-affirmation. You gotta sometimes just keep on reminding yourself because you might forget it's there, but because you might forget. It's there but you just might forget. And when you say it, and say it with sincerity and truth and belief, a sense of relief washes over and I think that's probably what came about for this 15 minutes that we've been talking Beautiful.

Speaker 2 44:12

That's awesome, that's great, excellent, beautiful, yeah, yeah, it's nice to bring things like that into focus, because who knew this is where we would get to? Right, this is where we would get to, and I hear that the whole subject is self-worth. Which was human beings? Who doesn't struggle with that, at least from time to time? This sense of self-worth, and basically what you're saying is making it dependent on some external thing, or recognition, or circumstance.

Speaker 1 44:51

Yeah.

Speaker 2 44:52

We get caught up in, and if it's not happening the way we wish it to, then I guess it means I'm not worthy. Yeah, yeah, which is not true. Which is not true. Exactly, exactly, yeah, yeah, that's great, excellent, okay. Yeah, that's great, excellent, okay. All right, anything else you want to share? Just to close our conversation here. I appreciate talking to you.

Speaker 1 45:21

I felt like this is actually something I needed. I think things open up in your life at the right time.

Speaker 2 45:30

Yeah, yeah, I know you said because you wanted what's my next step, and that question might have something to do with what actions do I need to take, kind of thing, but perhaps what that next step is for you is what we're talking about is simply to know your self-worth, despite all the things that you're juggling and struggling with in your life, and to acknowledge yourself too. You sounds like you're. You've taken on a lot and you're managing, and you're doing it, running into some difficulties, or, but you're doing it. That's great. All right, james. Good, I've enjoyed our conversation.

Speaker 2 46:23

So nice to get to know you a bit here and what you're dealing with, and so I just want to wish you good things.

Speaker 1 46:33

Thank you.

Speaker 2 46:34

Good yeah, good acknowledgement of your already established self-worth.

Speaker 1 46:42

Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2 46:44

Okay, take care, go forth.

Speaker 1 46:47

All right.

Speaker 2 46:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1 46:49

Yeah, and it was great speaking with you ok, very good.

Speaker 2 46:55

Once I complete doing all that I need to do, I'll send you a link for you to listen to the podcast. Ok, sounds good, alright, very good, take care, ok, bye, bye, bye, bye. Thank you for listening to this edition. Okay, sounds good. All right, very good, thank you, okay, bye-bye, bye-bye. Thank you for listening to this edition of Eyewitness to Therapy. If you, the listener, desire to be interviewed in a similar fashion as this one, feel free to contact me at courtcurtis at yahoocom. Peace, love and presence.