Who knew that Scotland's national animal frolicked in the land of myths, and the country boasts the shortest commercial flight on Earth? Buckle up for a rib-tickling escapade as we unveil the peculiar charms and humorous oddities that make Scotland an enchanting enigma. From chuckling over Shetland ponies' antics to debunking Braveheart's real identity, we're spicing up your day with a slew of hilarious Scottish revelations. And if the quirks of a traditional Scottish breakfast have you baffled, wait until we reveal the nation's surprising link to fried chicken!
As we cruise through the Scottish landscape of laughter, brace yourself for a colorful history lesson involving the world's first color photograph and the curious connection between ancient Egypt and bagpipes. Ever heard of a pub so remote you practically need a treasure map? We've got that covered too! Join us as we celebrate Scotland's six vibrant cities, cap it all off with a trip down memory lane to a Skittles commercial that's as sweet as it is controversial, and promise to keep you in the loop with future frolics and hearty hoots via our social media. Let's raise a glass to the joyful jamboree that is Scotland—sláinte!
Who knew that Scotland's national animal frolicked in the land of myths, and the country boasts the shortest commercial flight on Earth? Buckle up for a rib-tickling escapade as we unveil the peculiar charms and humorous oddities that make Scotland an enchanting enigma. From chuckling over Shetland ponies' antics to debunking Braveheart's real identity, we're spicing up your day with a slew of hilarious Scottish revelations. And if the quirks of a traditional Scottish breakfast have you baffled, wait until we reveal the nation's surprising link to fried chicken!
As we cruise through the Scottish landscape of laughter, brace yourself for a colorful history lesson involving the world's first color photograph and the curious connection between ancient Egypt and bagpipes. Ever heard of a pub so remote you practically need a treasure map? We've got that covered too! Join us as we celebrate Scotland's six vibrant cities, cap it all off with a trip down memory lane to a Skittles commercial that's as sweet as it is controversial, and promise to keep you in the loop with future frolics and hearty hoots via our social media. Let's raise a glass to the joyful jamboree that is Scotland—sláinte!
Who are you? Eh, oh, aye, aye me, friend. I have just are you a pirate? Woke up late, shut up. I woke up late and had me traditional Scottish breakfast of a bacon link, a Lorne sausage, black pudding and haggis and baked beans with fried mushrooms and tomatoes Okay, and some tattie scones, a couple pints or two as well. Yeah, I don't know, what did you have for breakfast? Was it any of this stuff, my Scottish friend?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
No, I had well shoot. I did have. It was a breakfast, reuben, and I didn't have him hold the eggs, but it was corned beef and sauerkraut and Russian rye with Russian dressing at the party. So yeah, I'll take that over at my people's instead of breakfast. In fact, did you know that the Greeks first wrote about Scotland in 320 BC? I wonder if they wrote. Gee, their food sucks. I'd rather have a gyro and a spina coppa with some baklava for dessert.
Colt Draine:
Oh my goodness, what the fuck's a Lorne's sausage. My friend, I didn't look that up.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I don't, I'm unclear and I'm okay with that. You know, some things are better left unexamined.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, that's for sure, you know. I just looked that up. I was like what's this traditional Scottish breakfast? And that's what comes up, you know. So these things are real. All right, guys, I'm just letting you know, putting it out there, yeah, this is I Tell Stories vs Scotland. I feel and this is, you know, because Owen's Scottish and I think like we should definitely make a point of poking fun at ourselves Because that's how you do it, right.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Yeah, totally, point of poking fun at ourselves because that's how you do it right for all now. Yeah, totally, and I mean I would love to go there. I'll get there eventually. It looks absolutely gorgeous and I am proud of you know the scottish heritage especially, but it is super silly. And, yeah, if you can't laugh at yourself like we couldn't do this, because we make fun of the universe, because it's a crazy place.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, um does. Do your relatives have a castle? Just curious, I'm sure they do?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I don't think so. I think we're kind of the peasants. But I did have to ponder when I saw that the oldest tree in Europe is a yew tree in Portingal. It's estimated. Some reports say like 2,000 to 3,000. Some say 5,000. So that's a big. But I wonder, you know, have any of my ancestors, after some whiskey, have a peed on said tree? I'm sure there's a big possibility. A yew tree, huh, I think Y-E-W, not like a female sheep, but yeah, so anyway, no, dude, that's legit.
Colt Draine:
Hey, I was asking about the castle thing because there's an estimated 3,000 castles in Scotland. Did you know?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
that I knew they had more per square mile than anywhere. I don't remember if it was in Europe, just specifically, or in the world, but pretty dense with castles.
Colt Draine:
Dense castle builders. Yes, they were. It equals one castle for every 100 square miles of Scotland. There's a fucking castle, guys. So you know, I always thought it was kind of BS like, oh yeah, everybody just has a fucking castle. Well, apparently in Scotland they do. They've got a pony and a castle. Yeah, hey, fun fact. I know people in Shetland and I've said this before on the show and Shetland ponies are a fucking problem guys. They're like raccoons apparently. It's been some time since I've talked to them. I did some shows in Great Falls and I actually met some people that moved to Scotland and one's a tattoo artist and does some stuff down there.
Colt Draine:
But yeah, the one time I did talk to him his name's Chad he said that they were a nuisance for real.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
So I'm sure he's aware that the national animal is the unicorn.
Colt Draine:
I know that's amazing, is it not? You know what that's actually based off of? I do know something about that. Marco Polo was a fucking liar. Okay, something about that. Um, marco Polo was a fucking liar. Okay, right, does everybody know this? Do you know that? Okay, he was a pretty big liar. Okay, it's, it's. It's. It's well known and he was even made fun of after he got back from his ventures. He was famous, but everybody thought he was full of shit. So he's made fun of because he was full of shit in his own country of, like Portugal or something, I think. I can't remember where he's from, but anyway, nonetheless. Uh, the reason why it's the national animal is because when he was on his trip around the world, marco polo said he's seen unicorns in scotland and that's why so well, maybe he just found some really good mushrooms well, yeah, they do like them for breakfast, apparently.
Colt Draine:
Hey, you know, what's funny about travel is, uh, the world's shortest commercial flight is in Scotland, which connects two of their islands. The flight can be finished in 47 seconds and it spans a distance of just 1.7 miles.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I did see that.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, nothing like our friend Armand that's one of them. No, it's cool. Nothing like our friend Mr Coivin and his skiing that was a different kind of flight.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Yeah, so no. So those are two of the 790 approximate islands. That's insane, I wonder why is it approximately like they couldn't finish? They're just like, yeah, we got this. It's a fucking lot, it's a lot of fucking islands.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, man, my Scottish, I'm a pirate, I don't even know. Hey, you know what Scottish people are, famously pirates, scottish and Irish people. You know, that's a thing. Scotland is the birthplace of golf guys. Did we know that? Oh, yeah, yeah certainly did.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Robin Williams' bid on. The Scottish inventing golf can't be oversold as pure brilliance Of all the beautiful things Robin Williams did. That's up there, so look that up.
Colt Draine:
Nice, he's got a lot of cool shit, man, yeah, but yeah, it's priceless. It has been played there In the 15th century, wasn't it? Yes, yes, I was just about to say that, Thank you. I wonder what their golf clubs look like. That's what I'm very interested in. I mean, I don't know, yeah, probably pretty ornate, I'm sure is a rich person's game, unlike today.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I don't know if it was back then Prisoners eating lobster and peasants playing golf. I'm not sure on that.
Colt Draine:
Oh yeah, yes, that was amazing on the Lobster Boy episode. Good call.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
A. Thistle is the national flower which sounds very appropriate for Skeetland. God A thistle, thistle.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, it sounds. Even the thistle is like the definition of like an abrasive thing, like don't touch that.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Stay away. There are three official languages in Scotland English Scots and Scottish Gaelic. Oh wow.
Colt Draine:
That's pretty cool. People speak Gaelic in Canada. Apparently there's a province there where, like, that's their language. Weird huh.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, yeah it's one of the only places in the world where it's spoke. So I don't know Spoken. Spoken, thank you, not unlike our friend man with no name from Spokane, washington. I wonder where he what he knows about Scotland. I don't feel like calling him right now, I just felt like bringing his name up. Um, you know, the world's first international football match was played between Scotland and England's national teams in 1872. It was played at the West of Scotland Cricket Club. That's a fact. I don't know why that's versus Scotland. We're just telling Scottish stuff now. There's a lot of fun things about Scotland. I do know that there's a lot of inventors from Scotland and that's not included in this episode. You might have to reach back at a later time. Water is essentially free for the average household in Scotland. Scott families simply pay for the connection of the water, but not for how much they use. That's fucking pretty cool. Okay, scotland, yeah, alright.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I wonder, even if they're up on Ben Nevis, which is the tallest point in Scotland, reaching 1,345 meters, which is 4,411 feet, that's like a hill or a trash heap at the dump in Billings out here, but on a little island that's up there, I suppose.
Colt Draine:
Yeah. I bet you, there's a castle up there From a flag lead.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
You know that's up there I suppose, yeah, yeah, I bet you, there's a castle up there From the Black Leagues Just saying, oh, my shopping cart has a castle on it. What?
Colt Draine:
What do they sell at Costco? I don't know. Do they have a Costco Scottsco?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
They certainly wouldn't sell you the Kelpies sculpture of two gigantic horse heads. It's one of the main tourist attractions in Falkirk.
Colt Draine:
I don't know any of those. I've never even Okay. Nice, I would ask you to Kelpies, kelpies, yeah that's amazing.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
There are more than 6,000 locks in Scotland.
Colt Draine:
Hmm, which would be lakes, right, correct? Yes, yeah, yeah.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Yeah, not, master locks Right.
Colt Draine:
Or Shirley locks. A lot of those are in San Francisco and Compton, I feel.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Go ahead. Speaking of the locks, the first messy sighting was 50, uh, 565 ad. Legend has it that saint columba reported a water beast attacking the irish monk's servant, which I didn't know.
Colt Draine:
Monks had servants, but oh yeah yeah, that drunk monks beating up punks was there. That's what they was doing back then. Man, irish monks were like there was a warrior monk class back then In those little village areas and whatnot and shit. I don't even know. I was trying to go somewhere with that but I kinda lost it. Hey, guess what? The highest proportion of red-haired people in the world is in Scotland. Surprise, surprise. About 13% of the Scottish population has red hair, while 40% carry the recessive redhead gene. I'll be damned, you know huh, I'm really comes from you.
Colt Draine:
Know, it's just like. What advantage is that Like?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I want you to know, but so there are lots of redheads at the first time in games in the 11th century, I imagine oh probably where hammer throwing and haggis hurling were some of the events you could compete in.
Colt Draine:
Was it hag hurling or haggis hurling? I'm unsure it said haggis.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I thought, yeah, actually like hurling cheap stomach. So the yeah, I could have that wrong, but I don't know. You're wrong. Braveheart was actually the nickname of Robert the Bruce, but good old Mel Gibson decided to use it for the title. I wasn't aware of that. I wasn't either.
Colt Draine:
That's upsetting yeah.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Mel Damn Mel. The very small town of Bonnie Bridge has over 300 reports of UFO sightings each year.
Colt Draine:
Hell yeah, all right, go Bonnie Bridge. Hey, bonnie Bridge, you better be listening. Motherfuckers, pints up, all right, you know, I'm saying.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Yeah, oh. And here's one that's actually like a point of contention with some, where I'm just like whatever, let's all be so grateful that fried chicken exists, oh my God, yes, but a British cookbook in 1745, 47, perfectly describes a Scottish recipe, for it doesn't use the words fried chicken. Well, yeah, but it basically is, and then that's. You know, some say it was just stolen from slave tradition, but I mean, it's like either way, I'm just glad fried chicken is like. Thank you whoever like, right, whoa, so maybe the scottish may, and maybe that gives me some like hope for my people, like having something good to do with culinary.
Colt Draine:
I guess scones are good if they're done right, but uh right, I'm pretty sure it was proven, though that like it's like a definite that the scottish invented fried chicken. I think that's a real thing. I'm gonna double check that, okay, because I thought who's like?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
all heated about it.
Colt Draine:
I'm sure they were, I'm just like damn, let's just be glad it's here.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I'm sure they were, but anyway Nonetheless. Yeah, I thought that was interesting. I actually saw that years ago on a TV. That's fantastic, you know, food network thing. But I revisited it and just tried to read as much as I could. And again, I have no definitive proof.
Colt Draine:
But Right, hey, fun fact the world's first color photograph was taken of a tartan ribbon in Scotland. I don't know what tartan ribbon is, do you? No, I don't A tartan ribbon. Yeah, I don't have a clue what a tartan ribbon is. So I think we're on the same note there. Maybe we should have looked some more of this up, but this is kind of lighthearted fun guys. We just want to explore Scotland and we were hoping to make I was hoping to make more fun of it, to be honest, but you know there's quite a bit of cool that I know about scotland now. From the beginning of like when me and owen first started doing the show. I've seen a lot of actually really neat shit, a lot of good inventions, like wasn't even the fucking uh, the fax machine? Was that a scottish guy?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I think that was english, but I don't know. No, I think it was I think it was. Scottish See Same island it was right on the border.
Colt Draine:
Oh, my goodness, where was this one at? Where was this one at? I did see one about Edinburgh. That was kind of cool, but I might have to settle for something else. The United Kingdom's most remote bar is the Old Forge pub in Scotland. To get there, you can either take a seven-mile ferry or hike one mile over rough terrain. That's some dedication to get to something like that.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
And then the walk back might suck if you enjoy a few pints with Right the locals.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, hopefully there's a hotel there or something you know. Yeah, I don't even know man, scotland had cave dwellers until 1915. Then it was outlawed. Sounds like California guys. I'm just saying. 432 people own half of the land in Scotland. However, the right to roam laws allow most of the country's privately owned land to be freely walked on and used, as long as you leave no trace behind. You can't go walking through someone's house or anything, but you can usually walk across their farmland, which is not something we do here, because you know we're American Merk.
Colt Draine:
That seems alright, though, but I don't know that could be problematic in some situations. I feel Edinburgh, a know that could be problematic in some situations. I feel um, edinburgh, a place that, uh, is in scotland wanted to build a replica of the parthenon, bigger and cheaper, to be their national monument. Um, construction started in 1826 but, due to the lack of funds, was left unfinished in 1829. It has been nicknamed edinburgh's disgrace. What the fuck? That's kind of funny, all right, scottish people. And then we all know the bagpipes were invented in ancient Egypt and were brought to Scotland by the Roman invaders, don't we?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
and that's pretty big deal in Scotland, the Scottish still don't get the joke no, they do know what a thing.
Colt Draine:
Um, mmm, scotland only has six officially recognized cities. Do you know them?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
one Scottish man uh, aberdeen, glasgow, edinburgh that's it.
Colt Draine:
oh, dang, yeah, you got three of the six, bro, for sure. Uh, uh, dundee is another one. Stirling, the Battle of Stirling. I'm going to say oh, duh, yeah, and Inverness, inverness, oh okay, yeah, I've heard of all those.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I didn't know that they named a town after Crocodile Dundee, though that's pretty cool.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, that's amazing, that is fantastic.
Colt Draine:
I'm sure that's where it came from. I love that Parthen arthenon thing. What was going on there? There's some other shit. Scotland has been known to uh try big things and go broke. Uh, sometime in history they actually tried to settle like a little area, uh kind of by panama, and it was supposed to like save the country and shit, and uh, they basically landed on this spot that looked great during a certain time of year, but like the rest of the time of the year the ships couldn't leave port so they couldn't trade, they couldn't do anything and they all like starved to die kind of unfortunately, and uh it's, it was a big deal back then.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Um, it seemed a little warm for Scottish people most of the year in Panama.
Colt Draine:
Right, well, and it could have been Panama, it was like South America, anyway, but it was during the you know, yeah, well, it was around the same time when Spain was down there and everybody was trying to get their piece of the American pie, I guess of the time. Let's see. Yeah, scotland has its own version of Stonehenge the Calanish stones. They were built around 3000 BC on the Isle of Lewis and no one knows why the stones were erected. How come don't hear about these? Uh, stones, scotland, I don't know. You know, um what? Why didn't? Why? Why did I see nothing about the mel gibson statue or William Wallace's sword being stolen? Those are things We've covered. These things, owen, yes, we have. Yeah, I'm very interested in what a Scottish cave dweller would look like. That sounds like a thing to look at.
Colt Draine:
Hey, you know what else is funny when we talk about all this sort of stuff? Is, um, finland, right, finland's kind of a funny place? And, uh, we were talking about it recently and you were talking about something that had to do with, like them basically being like leave us alone and keep us out, and I revisited fin Finnish jokes and I found this thing where they compiled if you can tell if this is a like a Finnish jokes and Finglish faux pas. Right is what it is, but so here's the deal is, when people who speak English Americans come to their country, they put weird shit on the menu just to mess with them. And so he compiled some Finglish menu items that are kind of strange just to mess with American people who come over specifically, apparently as part of their humor.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
That's fucking awesome.
Colt Draine:
Yeah.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Also sick and demented, but fucking brilliant Sorry.
Colt Draine:
Yes, okay, these have all been printed. Truly, restaurant names are going to be withheld, right? So anyway, let's see here the cock is recommending today's beef Was on the menu. The house's tart is called Tortue and finished and is warm. Okay, just weird shit, like that Traditional Finnish pea soup. This week is bird meat week, but we also have a good selection of mammal meat.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
Yeah, oh, that wacky Finnish humor I had higher hopes. I thought they like would tell somebody you know like, oh, we'll put you know. Like, make up some fish or whatever. Like this is, you know, rotten eel pie. That's like something the English would actually eat.
Colt Draine:
There is something like jellied eels and the eel pie and yeah, wait, children's hamburger is served with the French pizzas after clock 21, or not, sorry, yeah.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
That one's good.
Colt Draine:
I like that one Coat cheese and pepper and minced balls, anyway. So food giant Kesco renames meatless meatballs now simply balls, anyway. So food giant Kesko renames meatless meatballs now simply balls. That was another and it shows like a whole thing. Anyway, sorry about that, I don't even know what Kesko is. They called it comedy gold. Dust is what this guy calls it. It's kind of funny. But anyway, there was some Finnish stuff. Guys With our Scottish stuff. I just thought maybe that would be funnier. Guys With our Scottish stuff, I just thought maybe that would be funnier too. Finland, fuck, we're trying to get you in the show. Finland, get you in the ballgame. Where are you on the world stage besides skiing and methamphetamine? We don't know. Maybe we need to do a Finland episode.
Colt Draine:
Maybe, Do you?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
have anything else Live from Helsinki oh my god, yep, they let us.
Colt Draine:
Maybe Do you have anything else? Live from Helsinki? Oh my God, yeah, if they let us.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
God, yeah, big, if They'll be like we will serve you lamb balls, yeah, so anyway, speaking of being allowed in places, steven Seagal is still allowed at half the petting zoos in Iowa. That's fantastic. You think Steven Seagal could still allowed at half the petting zoos in Iowa.
Colt Draine:
That's fantastic. Do you think Steven Seagal could go to Finland? Would they let him in there? I?
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
don't know, I don't know. They'd probably have to weigh the ponytail and make sure it was under limit.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, finnish are logical thinkers as well. A Finnish wife asked her software engineer husband hey, could you go to the shop for me and get a liter of milk, and if they have eggs, get six. The husband returns with six liters of milk. Why on earth did you buy six liters of milk? The wife asks they had eggs. That's a Finnish joke, guys, anyway, I don't know. Do they have crickets in Finland? That's a Finnish joke, guys, anyway, I don't know.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
So Do they have crickets in Finland? They should.
Colt Draine:
Yeah, somewhere in the woods, man, you wacky Finns. Hey, dude, scotland you wacky Finns. Oh man, nonetheless, dude, I love Scotland. It's amazing. I think I am allowed over there. We may have to do that, so it's a possibility.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
I looked. It wasn't very much. I forget what I think I looked at like September and it was like $750 or something around trip from Billings.
Colt Draine:
Oh, wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
All right, well, we're going to I mean, I don't know this year and it'll definitely go up, but yeah, still, I was surprised. I would have thought at least double that, roughly double that.
Colt Draine:
Right, nice. Well, I encourage all you people out there to look into Scotland and, you know, make sure you understand that it's actually a pretty cool place and not all of them are aggressive, abusive drunks, okay. And also one of my favorite fucking commercials of all time. Okay, I don't think it could get aired today, but I actually don't see why not. But it's the Skittles commercial, right, wasn't that? It when it's like I'm Scotch, korean and it's the Korean guy with the bagpipe.
Owen "The Mic" McMichael:
That's so funny, oh my God. Anyway, I love Korean barbecue, so you know that would make my people's food better.
Colt Draine:
Yes, I am with you on that. I understand where you're coming from, my friend. Well, hey, everybody out there in podcast land, you don't forget to stop by pitlock supplycom and get yourself a shirt makes you look smarter. Stop by cold smoke in billings montana if you're around. Check owen out also if you want to support the show and enable us to do bigger and better things, which mainly, I just want to like do some cool shit for people. So, um, and if we we're gonna start getting to some of those points and um, you know, check our social media and maybe we'll have some updates for you, but nonetheless, I hope everybody out there has a good day or evening.