Ever wondered what it was like to be a hired hermit living in the garden of a wealthy 18th-century English estate? Imagine donning itchy furs, taking a vow of silence, and becoming the ultimate conversation piece for your employer's extravagant garden parties. Join us as we uncover the bizarre and fascinating tradition of ornamental hermits, sharing quirky job descriptions, amusing anecdotes, and a bit of historical context. We'll even compare this peculiar pastime to today's trends, adding a humorous twist to these tales from the past.
But that's not all! We'll trace the whimsical lineage from garden hermits to garden gnomes, ponder their daily routines, and speculate wildly about their culinary adventures. Ever curious about historical cannabis use, especially among pirates? We've got you covered with musings on 18th-century marijuana quality and its evolution into modern innovations like pure THC diamonds. To top it off, we'll entertain whimsical ideas about showcasing garden gnomes on Instagram and even catapulting them for fun. This episode is a delightful mix of history, humor, and a dose of modern-day fun, wrapped up with heartfelt appreciation for our listeners.
Ever wondered what it was like to be a hired hermit living in the garden of a wealthy 18th-century English estate? Imagine donning itchy furs, taking a vow of silence, and becoming the ultimate conversation piece for your employer's extravagant garden parties. Join us as we uncover the bizarre and fascinating tradition of ornamental hermits, sharing quirky job descriptions, amusing anecdotes, and a bit of historical context. We'll even compare this peculiar pastime to today's trends, adding a humorous twist to these tales from the past.
But that's not all! We'll trace the whimsical lineage from garden hermits to garden gnomes, ponder their daily routines, and speculate wildly about their culinary adventures. Ever curious about historical cannabis use, especially among pirates? We've got you covered with musings on 18th-century marijuana quality and its evolution into modern innovations like pure THC diamonds. To top it off, we'll entertain whimsical ideas about showcasing garden gnomes on Instagram and even catapulting them for fun. This episode is a delightful mix of history, humor, and a dose of modern-day fun, wrapped up with heartfelt appreciation for our listeners.
uh, hey, uh. I was just uh replying to your ad for the hermitage. Um, how many square acres is your gardens? And then, what kind of itchy fur will I be wearing? Also, is it three mils a day, or am I expected to catch the rabbits? And on the ad also it says that maybe I dispense knowledge sometimes. But I don't know if you consider what I know. Knowledge, bro, I mean, I don't know, but I'm very interested in this hermitage. I'd love to live in your garden for a span of two years without you know showering. Damn son, that's disgusting. Can we do a person interview? Is what I was wondering.
Speaker 1:
Well, it's two to seven and the sum of, I understand, 95,000 pounds may be paid. It's dependent on your skills as a hermit. Well, I promise I'm engaged, goat hair is preferable. You shan't let your hair, nor nails grow, or you shan't cut them, I should say, nor your beard, and do not engage in discussing anything with the servants. You must remain silent, as they would also have a terrible British accent and you may not understand them.
Speaker 2:
James Autumn Tooth, you could be on the show, downtown Abbey, I feel. Anyway, I think it's Downton.
Speaker 1:
Oh, it's called Downtown, is it? I don't know? Yeah, it's Downton Abbey. I made it through about 35 seconds of said show and then wanted to denounce my British heritage. But people love it. People also like jackass.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, that's the Scott in you right there. You're like I shall not, I guess so.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I must say that this trend in the 18th century England was far different than the get off my lawn trend of 20th century Arkansas. Right, hey, we'll pay you to just live in my luxurious garden and pretend that you're inanimate, essentially right.
Speaker 2:
Well, basically, like you're a part of the garden, yeah, yeah, yeah, so like, but you move around and stuff.
Speaker 2:
And you know, hermits, like originally, were like wise men, you know, like in Greece or wherever this term comes from, but they would be like on top of a hill and the whole point of their hermitage would be to like be doing like spiritual contemplation. So I don't know if there's any of that really in play here, you know, but that's where it kind of comes from. And um, I but previous to this, my friend, and I know this because of my pirate background, my pirate knowledge background. I don't know about pirate background, but anyway, nonetheless, that's up to you that before this, like the big deal in the gardens were like the birds, like peacocks and flightless, like parrots and shit like that that did clip their wings. You know what I'm saying. And so apparently, at some fucking point in time they decided to step it up a whole ton of notches and just hire a dude and then make him super gross and wander the garden, and I don't know why. But here we are.
Speaker 1:
So there they were. That's not I don't think. Well, maybe this is still going on.
Speaker 2:
I think there is some stuff we might find out about later. I don't know, though. Ornamental hermits were a peculiar phenomenon, as you touched on, my friend, in the 18th century. They were recluses who lived in the gardens of the rich and famous, but their purpose was not to do gardening or any kind of work. Instead, they were hired to add a touch of eccentricity to the gardens and to entertain visitors. Escentricity, thank you, escentricity. Yes, I feel like a magician when I say some shit like that. Entertain visitors with their strange and often bizarre behaviors.
Speaker 2:
All right, these hermits were often required to dress in a specific way, wear long beards and refrain from talking. They were expected to live in caves, huts or other rustic structures which were built specifically for them. The hermit's job was to create an illusion of the wilderness and to provide a stark contrast to the refined and manicured gardens of other folks, I guess. So there's your thing. And they were like a symbol of wealth and status, as only the rich could afford to have them in their gardens. They were also a reflection of the romanticism and fascination with solitude that emerged during, like around the 18th century. A lot of wealthy people believed that by Rick Flick Woo, I don't know.
Speaker 1:
Well, they're still enjoying their palace or whatever. They've got an old boy just sitting out in their garden. The king and queen will be here. Oh, it's raining again, poor Stevens, or I don't know what you'd name a garden hermit Unferth.
Speaker 2:
Unferth. I'm sure that sounds like a legit British name from way back, but I feel Unferth is go.
Speaker 1:
Is that a first name? Is it like Madonna, yeah, or Prince, the Victorian era name, or Latin, or just like Madonna, yeah.
Speaker 2:
Yeah Well, or Prince, you know previous to I mean, the Victorian era is a little different, but like you know, way back, way back, you would have been Unferth of uh build a brand or whatever the fuck or uh sandwich you know what I'm saying? Or what your name? A lot of times it'd have to do with your dad and or it'd be like son of Unurts.
Speaker 1:
Well, yeah, that's the whole Mick or O with Irish or whatever. Well, yeah, this is son of yeah.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and that all comes from Old Norse, my friend, because the traditions are all Germanic in nature and they're like. That's why, like you know, like Norse mythology is Odin, and then you go down to your folks and it's Woden, you know, and that's just kind of how that works. So, but dang kicking some knowledge, I feel, on, I tell stories today.
Speaker 2:
If you feel that that made you any smarter today, my friends, you should go to pitlocksupplycom yeah we apologize to your parents and no, but like, yeah, like the end of the day is go to pillock supplycom. Uh, there's two things that I want you to look at. One is our subscription link. Uh, you can actually subscribe for as low to three as three dollars. So I mean, if you buy like a pack of mints a month, you could afford to subscribe to us, and that'd be pretty cool because we plan on doing stuff with this, like helping communities and and things of that nature. So I mean, we're not trying to get rich off this guys. Also, we have cool shirts, which I I just put up a new one yesterday and then I will be putting up some more here in the future. All right, back to some ornamental hermiting. Um, so, you know, the origins of the hermit are kind of weird, my friend and I don't even know. I mean, the use of an ornamental hermit just became popular in general as a step up, I feel.
Speaker 2:
The trend lasted until about the early 19th century and then it fell out of fashion and became seen as like a mockery of the hermit lifestyle. You know what I'm saying. Like the real hermits like I was talking about previous to, who were like religious, real recluses, or like you know, philosophers, such like things like that man, I'm pretty sure, some of them, the original Greek philosophers, there's a few of them that were hermit II. Yeah, I guess I don't know, is that a word?
Speaker 1:
oh, well, the Catholic children, the cave, but also you know, a kick in knowledge, had all these visions and it's like, yeah, then they found out, oh, maybe there was Chemical, you know gases going on that may have aided in these visions. It's like, oh yeah, no, dude was just really high on fucking. Yeah no Chemicals, but.
Speaker 2:
Right no. You're correct, my friend.
Speaker 1:
There's a lot of things like that.
Speaker 2:
Also, they would starve themselves. You know there's a lot of stuff Like and like you know, similar to Native American culture. You know a lot of their stuff had to do with like withholding themselves from like food and limited water, kind of shit, until they had a vision. You know, maybe it's similar to that, I don't know, but nonetheless, despite some of the wealthy landowners continued to hire hermits like well into the 20th century, apparently today the practice of employing ornamental hermits is virtually extinct. Can you believe this? Virtually extinct meaning that still exists, but their curious history lives on as we're telling it today. My friends on I Tell Stories, would you even consider doing any of this for like a week?
Speaker 1:
Hell, no, I mean, I'm guessing the showers weren't the no that's not an option, my friend, but I do Right, yeah, no, I mean, I'd say, give me about a fucking Maybe if I smoke some indica, give me like an hour and I might just post it up. But then I'd still be wanting to walk around looking at stuff in the garden.
Speaker 2:
I don't want to just right and get there to put this in perspective. If you have enough money to hire an ornamental garden hermit, uh, some of these guys like 10 years, I read or more, and uh, nonetheless, um, you probably aren't, it's probably not a little garden man. When we're talking these victorian era gardens, these are, like you know, acres upon acres of like manicured, like their garden.
Speaker 1:
They walk about Like their own personal little fucking area to you know do work, but Victorian-era was quite a bit later than when this was.
Speaker 2:
Or whatever yeah.
Speaker 1:
Well then we could.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, there weren't poor people like 18th you know, yeah, the 18th and 19th century is victorian era. Basically, my friend, into like, maybe you know, yeah, that's so, this would be. This falls into victorian. My friend, I'm sorry, I disagree. Uh, there's many people who I'd agree and disagree with that time frame, by the way. Um, then the last. Uh, okay, so what if you were to hire a hermit? What would you expect from this hermit Owen?
Speaker 1:
I would pay him to not Stay on my property. Again, I'm kind of with the Arkansas folks. Well, you have property, yeah, and I don't want any hermits. No, you'd shoo them away. No. Well, oh Shoo, yes, not shoo. Oh yeah, even though I'm in Montana and I am, you'd shoot him away.
Speaker 2:
No Well, oh shoot, yeah, it's not shoot, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:
Even though I'm in Montana and I am required by the state to have at least one to 17 firearms.
Speaker 2:
Right, exactly, I feel Portland has a bunch of downtown hermits. Nonetheless, they're not very ornamental. The life and duties of an ornamental hermit were not easy. They were expected to live a life of solitude, often in a small, cramped hermitage. The hermit's responsibilities would include tending the garden, keeping it tidy, ensuring that the plants were healthy. They would also be required to entertain guests, often in character, and sometimes even reciting poetry or performing music. So these guys did a little bit more than that. Despite seemingly seemingly frivolous, the duties of an ornamental hermit were taken seriously and they were often paid handsomely for their work, because you kind of offered me you know, it was a pretty big sum back then, would you say like 90,000 pounds for or whatever.
Speaker 1:
I saw something like yeah, the equivalent of and I couldn't. I was unsure. If that was like that term I read, was, I think, for seven years, right in today's money. So that's really not that great, although I mean, if you're not, you have no expenses. Yeah, yeah, exactly, pitching in on the garden, yeah, but uh, yeah, not for me no, and I saw.
Speaker 1:
A couple of them were, or most of them didn't last very long, like the one cat was at the pub. I've seen that one Like the next week. Yeah, I tried to keep up appearances but then it's like no thanks, oh wait.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, this fucking sucks. Yeah, I don't know about this shit. Man, it would be kind of creepy to look back and just see some guy walking around super dirty. My other question is did some of them they're like they weren't allowed to bathe, but does that mean if they had a water feature they couldn't run through it, or what the fuck?
Speaker 2:
you know stuff like that these things are all thoughts, I think my friend, um, but nonetheless, uh, there's, there's kind of a a thought to it too that, um, as these things reach their peak, these ornamental hermits, um, and while they had them, obviously the poor, poor people like to emulate rich people. That still happens, okay, right or no, I don't know. Maybe we've gone beyond that. Do you think that's a thing anymore, that poor people emulate rich people? Just joking, bro, are you there?
Speaker 2:
just saying I'm not in the garden not in the garden, but I mean, they kind of do so anyway. Nonetheless, like you know, uh, what, what, what kind of the? The thought of it is is that garden gnomes this is actually kind of where they come from, to an extent, or the popularity of them. At least, I didn't know if it like the actual starting of a garden gnome, like the whole how they, you know, came up with the fucking idea for it or what, but nonetheless, this actually did have something to do with the popularity of garden gnomes, because, you know, people had little gardens. They wanted a little fucking hermit in there too. Man Right.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I wondered if that's where it seems logical that that's where it started, but I didn't realize it would be actual human beings.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's pretty fucking weird dude. I don't even know. There's been things where there's been artists who have done hermitages for periods of weeks that I read about it. There was one recently which I don't even understand how you can call that a hermitage if you're only going to fucking do it for like two weeks, just saying Kind of weak man.
Speaker 1:
It's like going camping in some aristocrat's fancy garden. Pretty much, except for, I think, this one that I would do if I could come in and use the bathroom. At least you know.
Speaker 2:
Where else.
Speaker 1:
But then British food A big weight. So when else? But then British food a big weight, so I'm just sitting out here You're feeding me jellied eels. Yeah, it's about to dick. That's a thing, too, people.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, that's gross. Brought that up on the Scottish episode, we just did.
Speaker 1:
That was fucking. I'm traumatized, so forgive me, I bring it up as that is part of my.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, have you ever seen it? What does it look?
Speaker 1:
like when we. It was something I looked up and there were several more. This might have been the most Um egregious example I don't know if I'm using that correctly of British food, but uh.
Speaker 2:
Did you just take a rip before you started talking?
Speaker 1:
No, it hurt me that deeply that I felt I had to breathe in that jellied eel. I thought you had to kill the pain, and somebody's description of it was imagine the biggest slug you've ever seen. Now imagine eating that slug. That's fucking disgusting, yeah, yes. So anyway, I digress, but I would not. I mean, maybe if it was like an Italian, if they wanted to make Garden Hermit for like an afternoon and would feed me gnocchi and brussela. I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 2:
Do you think garden hermits had to eat shit like that? Do you think that they were like you know? They made them eat like supernatural foods, like uh, I don't even know, who knows.
Speaker 1:
They're just allowed to graze around the garden.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, exactly Like a cow. Hey people, I want your mind to wander here. What do you think a fucking ornamental garden hermit did Like at the time? Do you think that you know, like seriously, think of these things as Like things. Whoops, Think of these people as people and not as things. And uh, jeez, that's just weird.
Speaker 1:
Even I don't even know man, although they're essentially paid to be things Right.
Speaker 2:
Well, correct. But but you're that's what the whole Right. But you're people, you know. I mean, even though the statues, you know, the guys who fucking pretend they're statues and they're painted gold and shit, they go home, right, I mean, they do do it a lot, they do it all day. But could you imagine being like that all the fucking time? And then what happens if you get busted, you get docked and pay. I don't know. Hmm, I just think were they allowed to smoke marijuana? I don't know.
Speaker 1:
These are things that and I wonder what the availability and quality of cannabis was in the 18th century. So we're talking 1700s here. The height of it I don't know.
Speaker 2:
You never know, man. I mean, they do say that all our grains were better previous to that one corporation that I can't remember the name of right now. Right, the Mons what the fuck was it? Monsanto?
Speaker 1:
Oh, Monsanto yeah.
Speaker 2:
So previous to that maybe the Mongolians had some fire man. Hey, you know, one of my favorite strains is Malawi and that's an original strain from Africa. I mean, obviously it's beefed up a bit On some good growing stuff, but a lot of that sativa Go ahead.
Speaker 1:
Oh, just, I don't think much of that Made it to 18th century countryside England. Remember there's a guy that really was in good with the yeah.
Speaker 2:
Well, they definitely smoked weed, because I've read about pirates and marijuana and that's a thing. There's a lot of drugs. You give them drugs, they go, and there's a lot of trade with China and obviously Africa they go, and there's a lot of trade with China and obviously Africa. So, and then also, you know, the Arab world is the one who actually basically made marijuana popular you know what I'm saying. And heroin, you know, because they had the. Well, they're the ones who invented hashish. You know that's a thing Pirates love hashish. I do too Do you, owen, I do.
Speaker 1:
It's been a while since I've had, you know, like that old school, yeah, bubble hash, oh, nowadays it's that hash oil. That's fine. And, dandy, I did just come across a now we're on the cannabis thing but diamonds, that it looks like drugs, like it really really looks like drugs and it's just pure THC. Yeah, it's like 99% pure THC, but it looks like drugs.
Speaker 2:
It's not certified yet, is it? I don't know if you can certify some shit like that.
Speaker 2:
We only certify rap when we get around here with Mr, you know, the coo-ee. So the thing I was thinking next is is that Bubble Hash? You can get that at somewhere in Portland, oregon, over off, I think it's oh cool, yeah, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, on Overton, just so everybody knows. Somewhere. Pdx, look him up.
Speaker 2:
Nonetheless, hey, bro, garden Hermits are wild, if less. Hey, bro, garden hermits are wild. Um, if I had a garden hermit, it would be nothing like that. Okay, I hear, I'm just gonna go wild with this. My friend, if I had a garden hermit, I'd just say have like a large an acre, okay, and then have like a cool little like yurt, hut thing going on, but like a lot of a big one, you know. And, um, they, they would just be allowed to like do whatever they fucking wanted and fish back there and leave whenever they wanted, and maybe I would have like they'd basically be like a living gardener, that's it. That's it Sometimes, you know, maybe I'd have them like hey, you know, since they're an employee, I'll like Halloween dress up and scare kids or something.
Speaker 2:
I don't know, shit like that. But you know we don't an employee. I'll like Halloween dress up and scare kids or something. I don't know, shit like that. But you know we don't have to go too crazy, guys. Hey, people out there, if you listen to this fucking episode, there's actually a way you can message us now and it's right at the top of most episodes If you click on the show like that or, you know, you can tell on spotify, you can tell us what you thought about the episode. But if you guys had like an idea what you want to do with an ornamental garden hermit, you know, if you were to hire one, just leave us, drop us the line of one of the the things you would do with one. I'm very interested, people, in what you're going to say. Are you? We're?
Speaker 1:
gonna get these like ads From people Like whoa. My cousin has been looking for work as a garden hermit, yeah. We have no garden in England. London's too expensive. Let's make that clear they're not looking for no, we don't need a hermit?
Speaker 2:
No, we just want to know what your opinion on something. Just say something, just fucking whatever you want. There you go. How about that? Have fun, run with it. Uh, we do have a playlist on spotify too, that I tell stories playlist. It's just there for you to fuck with guys, bump whatever I do, rotate shit in and out. Um, we all have input, all the all of our people here, our staff. You know that's what I'm saying, and uh, jaguars is not.
Speaker 1:
My dog is not a fan of any uh poly shores.
Speaker 2:
Edm slash autotune rap yeah, fuck that shit, poly shore. Hey, you know it's funny Is sometimes like I have like forwarded memes to Pauly Shore, like when I sent one to you to share, like our reels and stuff to you. When I post for I Tell Stories I also send them to Pauly Shore sometimes just so you can see it. If he looks, just let him know we're out here.
Speaker 2:
All right, yeah, I don't know what if Pauly Shore hit us up? Pauly Shore hashtag Pauly Shore hit us up? I tell stories. We just want to see what the weasel does really Like. What's his thoughts? Is he still annoying?
Speaker 1:
Does he want to be a fucking Not as annoying as EDM and autotune rap? But okay, I digress.
Speaker 2:
I digress. Hey, okay, fair enough. Do you think Pauly Shore would make a good ornamental garden? Hermit.
Speaker 1:
I do, especially if you're going to shut him up. If he's supposed to not speak to people he couldn't say buddy hey.
Speaker 2:
Bill Gates, two things you could do for humanity. Since you donated all that money out there is. You can hire Pauly Shore, steven Seagal and just those two for now to be ornamental garden hermits in a collection somewhere far, far away in Antarctica.
Speaker 1:
Okay, in order to Scott Baio, where amateur archers can shoot the tiny apple off of his head. Fair enough.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, anyway, that's what I think about some garden hermits. My friend, this is an interesting episode. I don't quite understand why, but you know, this comes from an era where people had indentured slaves and shit, so like where you would sell yourself to a rich guy and then work off the debt, like basically, indentured servitude. So slavery, Nonetheless, guys. Oh well, let's end that on that happy note. Um, I hope everybody out there has a good day and if hey, man or you know what else would be great, hit us up on Instagram, send me a picture of your garden gnome, we'll post them.
Speaker 1:
You guys got some cool garden gnomes, let's go All right, and if there are ones willing to sacrifice a garden gnome they're not as fond of. I have always thought it would be a fun activity to catapult garden gnomes and see which one goes the furthest, or yeah, again up for suggestions here as like a long-range yard game launching garden gnomes onto. Yeah, maybe like bowling kind of?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I don't know Sounds like a fun Airborne bowling. Yeah, yes, indeedy. Garden gnomes With garden gnomes. On that note, let's roll on out, or maybe we'll just cannon bolt into the future. I don't know. I lost it here, guys, kind of high still.
Speaker 1:
Um, nonetheless, we'll be back don't think this hasn't been charming. Much love everybody.