26- How To Overcome The Fear Of Sharing Your Spouse or Partner In The Swinger Lifestyle

Lots of people new to the swinger lifestyle struggle with the idea of sharing their partner or spouse with someone else. This is perfectly normal, by the way... In this episode, we unpack a lot of the ideas, thoughts, and myths we believed that caused us to have this same struggle in the beginning of our swinger journey and how we overcame much of it in a relatively short period of time and how you can, too.  If you've ever felt uneasy or disturbed by the thought of sharing your partner with someone else, but want to overcome it, then listen to this episode right now so you can comfortably take your next baby step forward in the swinger lifestyle!

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the New Swingers podcast. I'm John,

Speaker 2 (00:03):
And I'm June.

Speaker 1 (00:04):
And today we are talking about how to be okay sharing your spouse or partner with somebody else. This is a big deal for people, is a big deal for us. It's something that kind of goes against the grain of how we're taught. We're supposed to be in much of mainstream society. There are so many of us that have this kink or this idea that it would be fun to play with other people too. And there's a very common misconception that if you want to play with somebody else, you must not love your spouse or they're not good enough. I've never thought that at all. I've never seen doing anything with another lady as replacing you, Jim. I've always seen it as it's just a different body. It's a new body, it's a different person, and it never affected what we are.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, well that one, that was always my fear was like, well, I want us to still be us. I don't want this to, I guess for me it was kind of like, I don't want it to overshadow what we are. I don't want it replacing what we are too much. I know a few months ago we took a month off and it was nice because I kind of felt, because we were going to the club every weekend, every Wednesday, and we had been doing that for months and our for solid months. And so it was great for me. I felt it was great that we did take a month off because it just made me realize, okay, we are still us and it's okay that we still enjoy other people and go to the club when we want to go. But once I voiced that, Hey, maybe we should just go every once in a while on a Wednesday and maybe once a month, maybe we don't go on a Saturday if we don't feel like going. We don't, neither one of us ever pressure each other to do anything we don't want to do. And so it was nice to just step away and realize, okay, we really are still us.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
Yeah, absolutely. And that's a big common fear. Hear us say over and over in this podcast again and again. Most of the problems we believe you will have as you get into and grow into the lifestyle is going to be rooted in fear almost. I mean, literally, again, I said this I think in the last episode, and I've said it before. Every issue we've ever faced was rooted in some sort of fear.

(02:48):
And once we actually did the thing it usually was like, oh, well, that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be. In fact, a lot of things we were actually, I actually really liked that. And so it was this imagined fear of either what it would do to us or what it would mean about us as a couple, or what it would mean about us individually if we liked something with somebody else. It was a lot of that mental battle of what does this mean about me? Yeah. Oh yeah. And you being bisexual, discovering that and loving it and I'm loving it too. I mean, heck, we're talking about how to be okay with sharing your spouse or partner today. Today we have a unicorn lady friend coming over. Very beautiful. And we're doing just that. And so we'll talk a little bit more about that here in a minute.

(03:39):
But we do want to tell you this, we found that the more familiar you become with something, the more comfortable you become with it over time. And so we're going to elaborate on that. But first, we have some emails. We like to read these emails. By the way, if you have a question for us or you're dealing with an issue we're not experts. We're new to this too. However, we have been married almost 20 years going on and so we're getting very close to that two decade mark. We're very happily married. We're very good communicators with each other, and we bring a lot of that to the table even though unquote lifestyle experience is relatively new. So we're not trained therapist or anything like that. We haven't been the lifestyle 20, 30 years, nothing like that. But what we're doing for each other in our relationship is working.

(04:31):
And so if something that we learn can help you, great. If it doesn't apply to you, then it doesn't, you'd have to go and find some other way of dealing with something and maybe someone else has an answer. And so we don't claim to have all the answers, but one thing about these emails is that these are real time coming in from people just like you. Yeah. And you never know when somebody's going to ask a question that you're wondering about or a question you were not wondering about, but when it's asked you go, Ooh, I really wonder about that. Yeah, exactly. And by the way, if you haven't rated and reviewed the podcast, we want to ask you, it only takes three seconds to scroll down and click one of the stars or whatever platform you're on. Give us a rating. This helps us reach more people just like yourself and help them.

(05:25):
And I just had to clear my throat drinking coffee. But yeah, just scroll down, take three seconds, click the stars, give us a rating. And what if you've benefited at all, I say this all the time, but I have to say it in every episode. Leave us a review. It literally takes another five to 10 seconds. It's no time at all. But if you've gotten any value out of this podcast, simply say in that review what you like about it or the value that you've gotten out of it, that helps other people know and realize and learn and say, oh, I could maybe be helped by this too. And you never know. They might come across an episode where we say something that helps them save their relationship or a major issue they're facing or dealing with. And that could have been all because they read your review, which they related to, which made them want to listen. And so this is very much not about us, we're just sharing our journey, but we do care about you. Yeah,

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
Cause we have people who care about us. And so literally just take three seconds right now and we ask that you please go click those stars and leave a quick review. You can do it while we're listening if you want. But all that said, now we are onto the first email that June is going to read, and I'm going to shut up

Speaker 2 (06:35):
<laugh>. Okay. It says, my husband and I are moving to Las Vegas and looking forward to starting our swinging journey. My question for you has to do with my biggest fear when it comes to the lifestyle. There is never a hundred percent protection against pregnancy. How do you deal with the emotions and fears when it comes to the chance that someone involved could get pregnant even with birth control and condoms are used? That's a good question. That's a good

Speaker 1 (07:07):
Question.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
I know for me personally, I don't have to worry about that. I've not done a full swap, so I've not had fucked another guy at this point yet. That is something that's on my list to do eventually but it's not happened yet. However, I have my tubes tied and a hysterectomy, so I don't have to worry about that. Even though I still want the guy using a condom. I personally don't have to worry about getting pregnant. But that is a great question, John. What do you say?

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Well, what about me? Because I never got a snip snip.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
I know.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Oh, that felt scares the hell out of me. Apparently he is not as bad. Well, depending on who you went to. Well, and again, that's June's side, so she's good. But what about me? Yeah. Well, here's the thing. We do use condoms, and so there is protection as of this point. I've never come in another lady. Most of the time when we're playing, it's fun. It feels really good, but I've never actually come in another lady with a condom on or anything or in any way. And so for me, I don't know what it is. I've heard other guys say this too sometimes, but a lot of times they have a hard time coming and someone else that's not their partner, their spouse, I think that maybe it's an emotional or psychological connection that you have with your partner. Maybe it's the love you have for each other but we've played with other people, but I've never even come close to coming to somebody else. And so, yeah, I don't worry about that. Let's say I was like, oh man, I'm about to bust. I would probably, in a moment, I, I would probably just pull out even with the condom mine because I don't want to risk that. No, that doesn't feel nearly as good. You want to keep going, but

Speaker 2 (09:18):
That's probably the safest bet, honestly.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah. I mean, I think it's sex with anyone else. If you're with somebody you don't want to get pregnant, well, what do you do there? I, I think it's probably just the same thing. And so I hope that's helpful. I mean, you just be careful and maybe you have rules. I mean, we think everyone should always use condoms.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
That's definitely are one of our rules for

Speaker 1 (09:44):
Sure. And most, you'll find most people are, some people don't care. That's their choice. That's not, most people we meet in the lifestyle there

Speaker 2 (09:54):
Are a few I've seen on their profiles on S stc, for example. I've seen, oh, we like bareback. I'm like

Speaker 1 (10:00):
Well, it feels way better.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
But

Speaker 1 (10:03):
With that comes different risks and situations that you'd then have to potentially deal with.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
And

Speaker 1 (10:10):
So

Speaker 2 (10:10):
Yeah, I'm always like, Nope, not for me. And that's not everybody, but for me it's like I'd rather have protection even though there's no way I would ever get pregnant because I have a hysterectomy and tubes tied still. I want the guy using protection. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
Well, and it's protection also against other things, like possible STDs. Not that it catches everything, but it's another layer of protection. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah,

Speaker 1 (10:35):
Definitely hope that was helpful there. I just treat it. You're with your partner and you don't want to get pregnant. Just the same things. Maybe just have some rules about, hey, if someone's about to bust, like you got to a pull out rule or something like that, and with a condom on, that seems pretty safe. Not that they're a hundred percent, but they're way up there. I mean, if you're wearing a condom and you're taking contraceptive and he pulls out, I mean, I don't know if he can get much safer than that, but I think that would be a pretty good starting point. But it's just up to you. Yeah, I'm never that concerned because again, don't, I've never come in another lady. I've never gotten close, even though it's been great experiences though, having sex.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
So

Speaker 1 (11:23):
Maybe it's because I'm the guy and maybe I'm the one in control of it because I can feel it coming on and it's like, okay, I need to pull out or something. But the woman wouldn't know that maybe ripe until the moment. Yeah. And does that guy pull out or not? I so I understand that fear completely.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yeah. That makes sense. Guys.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
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Speaker 2 (12:36):
Okay. Okay. <laugh>. Dear John and June, thank you so much for your podcast. The info, knowledge and personal experiences you share with us are absolutely valuable. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Glad to hear that. Yeah, my husband and I, and still are still lifestyle virgins, however, we have talked about playing and maybe giving this a try and are both on the same page. We do a lot of dirty talk about playing, which is so hot. This alone has taken our already great sex life to the next level. Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. Oh here are my issues. Any thoughts when in the moment the talking and fantasies are so hot and enjoyable? My concern is after we are done and later I feel embarrassed and worry what my husband or O of nearly 20 years thinks of me after all this swing dirty talk. But then the next time we're in bed, we go back to those same fantasies. But I still feel weird after. Do you have any experience with this? I'm not sure how to process those feelings. Oh, where'd to go? Those feelings after? Do you have any experience with this? I'm not sure how to process those feelings. Also, based on your experience, do you recommend playing with a stranger or someone at first here? Okay.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Wait, okay. I'm writing down these questions here. Read that last sentence. Do you recommend playing with

Speaker 2 (14:07):
Recommend playing with a stranger or someone at first?

Speaker 1 (14:10):
Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, that's a whole do. Maybe might even do a whole episode on that. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
He has a friend slash couple that is in the lifestyle and has shared he has talked about us to him. And naughty pictures have been shared between each other. With my permission, there's a possibility of us playing as a quote unquote group when we visit them out of state in the coming months. I'm leaning in the direction that it may be more comfortable with someone that he knows and I talked to online for our first time, but I'm concerned it could mess up his 30 plus year friendship. I'm not sure if should cross that line in a friendship. Any thoughts? Thanks for reading this and any advice you may be able to share. Okay.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
All right. So that was the end of that one.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah. Okay. So the first part was talking about

Speaker 1 (15:07):
She gets hot and they get hot in the moment when they're doing it dirty. Talk about swinging really makes 'em both hot. But then she says later she feels kind of embarrassed about saying that of how she talked enacted in the bedroom. So I'll tell you what that reminds me of growing up in church and being a teenage boy and then masturbating, and then afterwards you're like, oh my God, Jesus saw me. I thought all those filthy amazing feelings, filthy, disgusting, amazing feelings, <laugh> lustful amazing thoughts about that hot girl. And then going, oh God, please forgive me for doing that. I'm so sorry. I'm so bad. Don't send me to fucking hill. That's what that reminds me of. And what I think happens there, and this is a little more psychological, I think there's a distance, there's a gap between what we know we like that drives us fucking wild.

(16:10):
In this case, her and her partner being in the bedroom doing dirty talk, doing hot stuff, acting wild, but then later going, oh my God, I can't believe I said or did that. There's like this idea that I know this is what I love and it comes out of me and it's just there. I didn't put it there. But then there's this opposing idea that stands on the other side of the fence of this gap that says, you're not supposed to be that way. That's bad. That's shameful. And I'll tell you right now, that is something you learned. You learned to shame, at least in that. I know I did. Me too. Because in a sense, at least in my experience, society, or at least the church upbringing taught me that dirty lustful thoughts are bad. Of course, that's kind of weird. None of us would fucking exist if we didn't lust after each other because nobody want to have sex. So mm-hmm. Kind of essential to survival, not that you should sleep with everything that has two or more legs, but you know what I mean? It's just kind of crazy. So

Speaker 2 (17:15):
Yeah, I

Speaker 1 (17:15):
Go

Speaker 2 (17:16):
Ahead. I would just add to that, what it made me think of is we're still, because we are still, I honestly, I feel like I'm learning who I am for the first time. So in so many ways. And so for me, when I read that part, it reminds me of my bisexuality because there's still that 40% of me that I'm trying to overcome that shit in my mind of like, oh my God, am I going to hell because I'm bisexual now because I like girls. And we like the same girls that 40% that still sometimes creeps in there of like, oh my God, what's wrong with me? And those feelings, or this also reminded me of a few weeks ago when we were out of town, John, we were fucking, and then afterwards he was like, what were you thinking about? Or was there any kind of scene that went through your head? And immediately I'm like, Ooh. I was embarrassed to say after the fact of what it was,

Speaker 1 (18:30):
But I made it a very safe place for her. And she knows the more I truly, deeply authentically know who she really is, the more I love her. There's nothing she's ever going to say that's going to turn me off.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
So one of the things was like, well, because Barbie mentioned

Speaker 1 (18:47):
One of her girlfriends who literally looks like a Barbie doll. She's absolutely the fucking bomb. Yeah, she's a great person. Bomb. She's fucking beautiful.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
And she had mentioned to me about, well, what about you do a gang bang? But it's with girls. And so I remember a few weeks ago when John had asked, what were you thinking about when we were fucking, and I was embarrassed to say it, but I was like A girl gang bang.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
And I about came a third time, <laugh>, second and third time at the same time when she said that. So no, I was not opposed to it. I was like, fuck yeah, <laugh> like, you're as dirty as I am. I always knew you were in there somewhere.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
But so both of those things reminded me of her email and saying, did you have those feelings of being embarrassed after the fact? Yes. And that for me was like I said, the bisexuality that I'm still trying to fully love about myself or just the thoughts of him asking me after we fucked, well, what were you thinking about? Or what fantasy were you thinking of? And so it was like, oh,

Speaker 1 (19:56):
I would love for you to be in an all-girl gang game.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
It makes me nervous.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
And if I got to be there, and at the very least, even watch, it'd be a privilege, but to be involved, to be the hell that would be an all lady gang being on one guy, maybe after they're done with you, they come after me praying hard, <laugh>, pray to the Lord or Satan, whoever you think you know, have to pray to get a lady grouped to gang banging.

(20:21):
But now let me ask you this, because my opinion is that shame afterwards that this person's talking about, I said that was learned, and here's why. I think that's learned because we were raised that all this shit's wrong, that naturally comes out of us, that we naturally, we didn't choose to it, we just do. It just gets us and everybody's like that. But if you would've grown up in a household where you didn't have church crammed down your throat, what if you were raised in a house where your parents taught you, doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, it doesn't matter who you like or who you love or what you're drawn to. If you grew up where whatever you are sexually is just okay, it's okay to be what you are. If you had had that pounded into your head for 38 years instead of the opposite, do you think you would have any issue or struggle with the fact that you're bisexual?

Speaker 2 (21:18):
No. Absolutely not. Why not? Well, because my whole life, I was taught to love myself for whoever I am, not, oh, you're going to hell. If you think that way or act that way or love that kind of, if you love the same kind of sex that's wrong and you're going to hell, if it would've been the other way around, I don't think I would be dealing with any of that.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
So you were psychologically conditioned to be a certain way.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
Even if that defies who you naturally are, which you didn't choose, that naturally just comes out of you. You were taught you're wrong because of how you exist, but you didn't make yourself. Whereas if you had been psychologically conditioned to be, Hey, if you like girls, you like guys, you like girls, you like both, at least you're good to people. Be good to people and love people. Now, if you would've had that, John, so again, I know we've hit that point pretty good now, but that's my point. This lady is dealing with what she knows is coming out of her that drives her wild. And apparently both of 'em, which is awesome. How many dead fucking marriages there are and sexless relationships where they're just together because they don't want to ruffle feathers socially or the kids or all this other stuff. These people are actually having great sex. I would say, don't fucking ever stop doing this. Anything that drives you well, a fantasy that comes into your head, fucking do it. Or by do it. I'm not saying in real life, maybe if you want, but in your head, in that moment with your partner, imagine it. Do it. If it's giving you both greater orgasms and better sex, don't stop that.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:02):
So you have anything else to say on that?

Speaker 2 (23:05):
Well, and one of the times while we were out of town when he had asked, I was like, well, I was fucking you and I was fucking our, whatever we call him, I just went blank on what we call him. Call who? GI Joe. I had a fantasy that I was fucking John and GI Joe at the same time. Oh,

Speaker 1 (23:26):
Getting double pen.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
And I, yeah. And that scared the shit out of me because again, it's something we've not done before. And with me, I'm, I'm trying to get past the, okay, we haven't done it. I don't need to be scared. Let's, I'm getting to the point where I'm like, let's just fucking do it so that I'll not be scared. That's kind of how I feel about this full swap. Let's just fucking do it so that I'm not scared anymore.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah. And that's what both, anybody like that we know

Speaker 2 (23:52):
A couple. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
And GI Joe was actually Barbie's boyfriend. Yes.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yes. Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
Well, knocking let our cats,

Speaker 2 (23:59):
Our cats meowing <laugh> talking

Speaker 1 (24:00):
About all this sex and the cats. Wow. Calm down. Pussy

Speaker 2 (24:06):
<laugh>.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
Calm that pussy down. Oh

Speaker 2 (24:08):
My God. I know. I

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Sound like an idiot.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
I have shamed myself. You have shamed. Joseph have <laugh>. So

Speaker 1 (24:16):
The next thing you know, just open the door. Okay. It's okay if he comes in because he's pushing on the door. Yeah,

Speaker 2 (24:22):
He is

Speaker 1 (24:22):
Just there you go. <laugh>. All right.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
Crazy

Speaker 1 (24:26):
Cat. So the second part of this was she was asking, and again, we're going to get back to the main topic here. So don't think we've forgotten about how to be okay sharing your spouse or partner. We're just going through a couple of these. In fact, I think we'll hold off on the next email till the next one because we're going long on here and I don't want to hold people off too long. But the second part of this email, she talked about, well, should we swap with a friend, somebody we know or a stranger first? I think, well, I think this depends on the people. I think it depends on alright, that cat, I don't know what, sorry, our cat is almost talking. <laugh> weird.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
It's very weird.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
But I think some people are more comfortable with a stranger. Some would be more comfortable with a friend. I would say if it's like she said it's her boyfriend or husband's friend of 30 years she didn't want to compromise that possibly.

(25:27):
I'd say if you give a damn about that relationship, everybody needs to sit down, look each other in the eye, don't hold anything back and say, Hey, we're all in agreement on this. And anything that happens, anything we do, we're all agreeing, we're all clear, everyone's cool. There's not going to be feelings or weirdness afterwards. And if there is, we're going to talk about it. Mean you need to keep shit in the open. You cannot keep shit in the dark in the closet. No. Well, I feel this way now, but I don't want to say anything. No. That's where that mold will just grow and decay. You need to be extremely upfront because it is a big risk. Personally for me. And I'm not saying for anyone else. I'm saying for me I don't generally, I ran across a guy who I knew four or five years ago in a completely vanilla non lifestyle setting. Nothing in me really wants to be around lifestyle stuff with him at this point around and hasn't a great dude. He's awesome. He's a friend of mine and his wife is beautiful and they're just great people. But for me it's like I knew them from a vanilla setting

(26:51):
And for me it's like, oh, that's how I think of them is from that setting, not this one. And it's it. I know it's weird. Oh, so if I would've met him two months ago, would it be like, oh, well now it's different and it's okay and cool. Yeah, because mentally I think lifestyle people, yeah. I don't know why that is. That might not be everybody. But I like the fact, for me personally, I like the idea of doing it with strangers, meeting people who we don't know. And we met them under the premise of the lifestyle. To me, that just feels more comfortable.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yes, me too. But

Speaker 1 (27:28):
Again, that might not be everybody. So this couple's going to have to decide what each of them is most comfortable with. Or actually all four people are going to have to decide.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
Well, and I agree, being very up, clear and honest. And you're all four in their in-person talking about it. Or if you don't live in the same state, I don't know if they don't live in the same state, but FaceTiming where you're all on the same phone call and all on the same page,

Speaker 1 (27:54):
Discuss what you want to do. You

Speaker 2 (27:55):
Got to be open and completely honest and lay it all out. Lay all that shit on the table.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
And if you have reservations or fears, say it, yeah, we want to do this, but we're afraid this might happen or that might happen. And because afterwards you don't want to compromise that friendship.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah, definitely not.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
So you have anything else to say on that?

Speaker 2 (28:16):
No, I think being up front and honest and making sure that you're all on the same page if that's the direction that you all for feel you want to do. But yeah, for us, we liked playing with, we personally liked playing with people we don't know strangers,

Speaker 1 (28:35):
We meeting people in the lifestyle. We, the premise is lifestyle.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
It's funny because we were always taught growing up, before you have sex with someone, you should really get to know 'em, make sure you, 'em love. It was get to know love people. Then that leads to sex. Well, on the lifestyle, a lot of times it's really different. We've met people sometimes on occasion. The first day we met them, we ended up having sex and playing with 'em and it was awesome. And now they're some of our best friends. And a lot of people will go, man, that's so backwards. What kind of foundation is that for a friendship? I can't explain it to you, but I feel like we're closer and have deeper friendships with people in the lifestyle who we've known less time than non lifestyle vanilla friends who we've known for years. And I think it's because there's a level of transparency and openness that comes with the lifestyle.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
Well, no, I mean, I'll be honest, for me, no judgment, that's fucking huge for me because growing up in church my whole life, several people in my family, pastors just it's just great to finally be in a place where there is no judgment.

Speaker 1 (29:55):
And there are some people in lifestyle, I'm sure, that are very judgmental. But we've, in our time, our recent more short time that we've explored and been in the lifestyle, we've been very fortunate to really not meet those people. And if we did, we didn't know it.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
Yeah. So I'm not saying they're not out there, but we've, we've not come across them in the six months we've been in the lifestyle and it's been great that we haven't.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
So, alright, so we want to get back to the topic at hand of this episode because that's the reason you listened to it, <laugh>, how to be okay with sharing your spouse or partner. Again, we've done this a few times. Well, a few times. I mean, with threesomes with me and another lady, we've done soft swap stuff with other couples on occasion. So the promise we had in the beginning of this episode was the more familiar you become with something, the more comfortable you become with it. And so what I mean by that is what, psychologically speaking, one of the best ways to overcome a fear, which again, this is all rooted in if you don't want to share your spouse or you do, but you want to be good with it, but you don't know how I get past it. We said that most of the time it's rooted in some sort of fear. Well, one of the great ways to overcome any fear is to learn about it. Instead of being afraid of it. Focus on being curious about this thing. Learn about this thing. Why am I afraid and be very blunt and honest? Why am I afraid to see my partner with somebody?

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
Well, because it might be, well, because it'll make me feel unwanted. Well, why would it make you feel unwanted? Well, because what if he likes her better than me? Or what if she likes him better than me

Speaker 2 (31:40):
Or she's prettier than me?

Speaker 1 (31:42):
Yeah. Okay. What is she and why would that matter? You ask why six or seven times deep? Why would it matter if she's prettier than you? Well, he might leave me for her if she's better at sex maybe. And she looks better than me, I think. Well, why would that be a problem? Well, because I love, obviously, but ask those questions and each time you get on a little nugget answer, ask why again And do that 5, 6, 7 times deep.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
I mean, the first time you saw me with somebody was one of the first swinger parties a hotel party went to. And that really disturbed

Speaker 2 (32:19):
You. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
Until you got involved, which we didn't know, but you came over after about five or 10 minutes and started making out with her as I was doing her. And suddenly you were like, oh, I learned that I'm okay as long as I'm involved. And yeah, now you're to the point. Hell, when we play with our little ladies, you fun putting the condom on me.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
And you actually enjoy that.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
But I'm, I'm still involved though. When we played two weeks ago with this beautiful older lady, oh my gosh, she's great. She said she wanted us see us fuck each other. So we did. And then after that I put the condom on John and I was like, do you want to fuck my husband? And she of course was like, yeah. And so then that happened and I was kissing John. I was kissing her while they were fucking, I was still somewhat involved. So I just noticed for me, if I'm somehow involved in some aspect of it that works for me. If I'm, I, for me, some people sitting and watching, I don't being involved somehow.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
And if you're someone who is different than that, you would need to think through that because right now we wouldn't have an answer through experience, personal experience for doing that. But also what I do, I mean on the day that we're going to do something, I treat June well. I treat her well every day, but I make sure I an extra effort to tell her how much I love her, how beautiful she is. I do that pretty much not every day, but quite a bit. I really do.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
It's pretty much, pretty much. But

Speaker 1 (34:00):
I try to go above and beyond, maybe get her some flowers or just as we're walking through the house, I'll just grab her and kiss her again and remind her how much I love her. Kind of fill that love tank. And then when your friend comes over, if a lady friend comes over and plays, then it's like June feels filled up instead of, well gosh, he didn't say those nice things to me today. He just said to her in the moment, and then it might be maybe her emotional gas tank feels empty or something. And so then after we're done, we'll talk about things and I'll let her know I care about her and Hey, what did you like about that? You know, were so hot in there and I really love sharing that experience with you. And I'm not bullshiting her, I really mean it. Don't ever say something you don't mean.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
You said before that makes you feel great. When we sort of do that, right, because we see the lifestyle people in the lifestyle is sort of icing on the cake that we've built for years. We have the solid foundation we're us, but enjoying other people's, like the icing on the cake, which is just this extra wonderful thing.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
So for me, what I, if we're going to go to the club, I like us to get our drinks together and we sit down and we'll have our drinks together at the bar or just sit at another little couch that our club has and we just kind of have time together before it gets, because we usually get there pretty much when they open because it's not as busy at that point. And so I like that because we're able to just have time just for us. And then we'll go on the dance floor together, dance and we'll kind of on and off, do that throughout the night anyway. But just, I feel like having our time first and then we play with the people like a couple or whatever, or the lady. And then after that we come back together and we are us again and we're kissing and all over each other and then come home and fuck and come hard and with each other. So

Speaker 1 (35:55):
We start together

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Strong, we start together and we finish. We play together,

Speaker 1 (35:57):
Finish. And then we, we start together strong, we play together and then we finish strong together. Just alone. We kind of learned that from, I think you learned it from

Speaker 2 (36:06):
Barbecue. I did. She said that her and GI Joe do the same thing. That if they're going to go to the club, they get each other kind of off first and then they're open to playing with other people and then they kind of end the night at the same way they finished with each other again.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
And so that's something we learned just through, we observed it. But also she made a point in talking to June and we thought, wow, that's actually really good. So hopefully that helps you too.

(36:32):
And we'll start together, finish together again, if you haven't given a rating or review to the podcast, if this has been helpful at all, do please take three seconds. It takes three seconds. Scroll down and click those stars and do the rating. Give us a rating. And if you learned anything through this, just put in a review. Take another five to 10 seconds. Just say what has helped you or what you benefited. What did you like about this podcast or what was of value that you learned? What was helpful? That helps other people see the podcast. The algorithm puts our, rates us higher so more people see it and it helps them too. And so again, that's not experts here. We're just sharing our journey and what we're learning through it, combined with what we know as a longtime married couple. Yeah. Mean we just

Speaker 2 (37:21):
We're, and I have an only fan's page too, so there's that

Speaker 1 (37:25):
<laugh> June. If you don't know what June looks like, you are fucking missing out. I would say this, even if she wasn't my wife, she has double D's or Triple D's. If she buys a bra from Victoria's Secret and she has these big silver dollar nipples that are pierced, she got 'em pierced from my birthday.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yes I did.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
If that ain't love, then I don't know what love is.

Speaker 2 (37:49):
And my n here's an example. My nipples are so big that I bought some really cute heart ones to put on and the fucking things don't fit because my nipples are so big.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
<laugh>, the heart and the nipper ring wouldn't fit around her nipples. I was

Speaker 2 (38:05):
Like, ah, these aren't going to work.

Speaker 1 (38:07):
Yeah. So if you want to see her just go to the first link in the show notes. It says, June's only fan pierce nipples. It's right there. If you're listening somewhere where you can't click the hyperlink, just go to new swingers podcast.com. There's a link right there on the show notes at the top. Also, all those links are also on the website. But if you want to see these big, beautiful double to triple D, <laugh> beautiful breast, big silver dollar nipples pierced and all the different piercings she does she loves showing 'em off. We, and just to wrap it up with this, this is a good point. We should do an episode sometime about what a list of things we've learned about each other or ourselves since being in lifestyle. Because since being in the lifestyle, June has learned, she's a huge exhibitionist. She loves people looking at her and watching her get fucked. It blows your mind. And with your background and the mentality you were raised to have that you were the opposite. No, absolutely. But we realize that you love getting fucked in front of like 50 or a hundred people. You love being watched. That's why she hasn't only fans. Yep. Cause she wants to show you your boobs or no, she wants to show you her boobs. I said that wrong.

(39:24):
Yes. Yeah. So go click that link. Check it out. Leave us a rating interview. Any last thoughts right here before we go June? No. Send us an email if you have a question. New swingers podcast gmail.com. New swingers podcast gmail.com. And we might be able to answer and feature your question. And our goal is to help you in the lifestyle. So yeah, keep swinging for the fences people. <laugh>.