More Than Anxiety

Ep 96 - Perimenopause, Anxiety, and Existential Dread

• Megan Devito • Episode 96

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Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and completely confused about life as a 40 or 50 something woman?

This episode of the More Than Anxiety Podcast tackles perimenopause, the transitional stage leading up to menopause, that we think lasts just a little too long!
 
In this episode I'm talking about the confusing physical & emotional changes you might be experiencing, including:

  • Hot flashes
  • Irregular periods
  • Anxiety & irritability
  • Brain fog
  • Sleep problems
  • Even existential dread

The good news? You're not crazy. These are all normal symptoms, and there are ways to manage them effectively!

Join Me (@coachmegdevito) to learn practical get the support you need and want to help you navigate this transition with:

  • Increased confidence
  • Less stress and anxiety
  • And excitement for this next stage of life.

For more information on perimenopause, check out Episode 46 where I talk with Leslie Duffy about her view on perimenopause and how this stage of life can feel exciting and liberating! (Seriously!)

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You know you're overwhelmed, burned out, sick to death of work but also trying to do everyting for everyone at home. TAKE THIS QUIZ to find out why you're so overwhelmed and what to do about it.

Megan Devito:

Welcome to the More Than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I help ambitious women break out of the anxiety cycle that keeps them frustrated and stuck. Get ready for a lighthearted approach that will change what you think, how you feel and what you believe about yourself. This podcast is full of simple steps, a lot of truth, talk and inspiration to take action s o you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it. Hey there, welcome to episode 96 of the More Than Anxiety podcast. My name is Megan. I'm a life coach. I help women who are overthinkers and overfeelers work through the anxiety and stress that they're dealing with so that they can get where they want to go. Sometimes it's forwards in their career, sometimes it's being more present with their family, but any way it goes, they end up feeling more confident, a lot less anxious and having a lot more fun. So today I want to talk to you about perimenopause anxiety and existential dread. This was a question that came up in my threads feed from someone that I follow and she said can we please just talk about this? And I thought that's a really good podcast topic. So here we are, and if you have a question or something that you want me to talk about, please don't be shy about letting me know what it is. Find me on Instagram or on threads. I am Coach Megan DeVito in both places. Also on Facebook, you can find me as @ Coach Megan Devito. I'm also on LinkedIn. Just look for Megan Devito and I am there as well. If you have something you want me to talk about, you have to let me know. Otherwise, I'm just guessing and I'm kind of taking off of what people are talking about on social media because I want to make sure that you guys feel better, that you feel empowered. And, guys, if you're listening to this episode and you're trying to help your wife or your girlfriend or your mom or your sister, G god bless you because we are going through it. This is a time period in your life If you don't know, if you're like perimenopause this word - I hear it a lot it's not like actual menopause and it's not puberty. It's like this weird hormonal shift that happens in women, starting sometimes in their 30s and their 40s and into their 50s, where you haven't actually hit that cut off, where you don't have a period anymore. So perimenopause is that time before the shutdown, where you're working up to . A nd and, honestly, from what I hear, it's the worst of it. So we're in the thick of it, guys, and what happens is that this is just this natural transition phase where we lead up to where we just stop having a period and it comes with a ton of emotional upheaval, lots of anxiety, lots of existential dread and a lot of other things that we kind of laugh and joke t hat That really also suck. But let's talk about the connection between all of these hormone changes, anxiety, all of the dread, all of the things that happens, and just kind of get right to it.

Megan Devito:

I told you a little bit about what it was. It's just the time period leading up to menopause, but it's not like it just happens in a few months, guys. This can go on for years, and I mean some people say 10 years, and all I can think when I hear 10 years of perimenopause is are you kidding me? 10 whole years of this? And the answer is actually maybe, maybe for you it's 10 years, maybe you luck out and it's like three and maybe you get off pretty easy. I have to admit that I'm pretty sure that I'm in the middle of this, but a lot of times it's a lot of guessing, unless you go in and you have blood work or your doctor is looking at things and telling you yeah, yeah, this is exactly where you are. It's a lot of ' yeah, we think that's where you are'. So we are trying to figure this out without a lot of past talk about it, because in recent generations and past generations people didn't talk about this. It was kind of like this hush-hush joke like oh, yeah, you're having hot flashes, and they were like, yeah, that's terrible. And then they whisper it, right, because it's a big secret, because we're not supposed to know, but every single one of those women get to go through it. I think we need to talk about it more. So there are a lot of physical symptoms that get a lot more conversation, a lot more bullet points in the articles than maybe the neurological symptoms. Let's just start with like perimenopause 101 and the things you can get. Hot flashes. I already mentioned these Maybe when you're sleeping. Maybe you wake up with like night sweats, or maybe it's just you're like sitting in a meeting and all of a sudden you are boiling lava hot for no reason and then two minutes later you're ice cold. So really like boiling hot, ice cold. No, in between, or when you are in between, you're like, okay, everything's fine, and then bam, you're boiling hot again. That can happen when you're in perimenopause. The word is that it goes away once you're through it. That would be great, wouldn't it? I'm going to trust that because I like the way it sounds and I'm just going to choose to believe it right now. Another thing that we can notice is that maybe your period is more irregular, maybe it's starting to spread out and you're like, ' I mean, maybe I'm done, maybe I'll never have another one', and then suddenly you do, so they're not as regular. It might be that you are having them every month and a half, or three months, or six months, or two weeks. Yeah, every two weeks. Nothing is normal, but nothing is not normal. If you're having them more frequently, I would definitely call your doctor, ask, make sure everything's okay in there and just have them. Maybe do a blood test. I'm getting ready actually to have one of these blood tests later this week, just to find out where I am in this process. Writing this podcast has brought so many things into my head and with my past history with health anxiety. I have a lot of questions, so I'm going to do a little digging later on this week. I would just tell your doctor, tell you to have your doctor look into it. Maybe you want to have the blood test too.

Megan Devito:

But if you're noticing that your period is here, there and everywhere, that's pretty normal with perimenopause. So let's also talk about anxiety and irritability. Yes, anxiety in terms of more of your mood, but irritability as well, because when your estrogen and your progesterone these two female hormones that cause you to release an egg and then have a period or not have a period if you get pregnant, estrogen and progesterone are going crazy. But they don't just affect your ovaries and your period, they also affect your brain and they disrupt things like your serotonin levels. They can make you really freaking, grouchy one minute and then sob the next. It's like PMS times 10. So if you notice that you are feeling on edge, or if you notice that you all of a sudden are snapping at people or you're like I cannot believe that this is my life right now, or if you notice that you suddenly feel like you don't care, this is all normal, because one of the benefits, or at least one of the things that I think is a benefit so far in this stage of life is when you get to this point where you're like, yeah, I just, I just don't care that much anymore. That's some release.

Megan Devito:

I'm going to direct you back to a podcast episode that I did last year at one point with Leslie Duffy. I believe it's episode 64, but it might be 46. But sorry, it is episode 46. I talk with Leslie about perimenopause and she is a holistic practitioner, a nurse practitioner. She can tell you all of the ups and downs of what's happening in a more biological, scientific, medical perspective and how the best thing, in her opinion, about perimenopause and menopause is actually recreating yourself and we'll get to that in a minute but if you notice that you're more anxious and more irritable, these are really common symptoms of perimenopause. Also, the idea with PMS that I mentioned before about the mood swings I'm happy one minute and all of a sudden I'm screaming, raging mad. That emotional rollercoaster is totally normal when you are in this phase of life.

Megan Devito:

Another thing that people don't talk about so much is a feeling of depression, and we're going to talk a lot more about this when I lead into the part about existential dread, which was really where the original question came from for this podcast. So those hormone changes again and those emotions going up and down here, there and everywhere, they can really contribute to this feeling of sadness and being uninterested because you're not sure where you stand with things or everything that felt normal to you is suddenly different. The worst part, I think, for this phase of life is not only are your hormones whacked, but your kids are growing up, your parents are aging, your friends are doing different things, life changes and you're just in the in-between would be the best place, and maybe this is like a Stranger Things episode, because life really does feel like an episode of Stranger Things when you're in this place, but you're kind of in the in-between right or the upside down. So if you feel like you're living in the upside down, you kind of are, and that can be kind of depressing when you're like I don't know who I am or where I am anymore. So let's talk about those neurological changes, let's talk about the existential dread Because I think for a lot of people at least the people that I talk with, because I do coach so many women who are going through anxiety, who are feeling really stressed out.

Megan Devito:

Let's talk about some of those bigger things that are happening that really affect our mood, because, yeah, the sweats at night are terrible and, yes, being boiling lava hot and breaking now in a cold sweat during a meeting is embarrassing. But let's talk about brain fog. Let's talk about not being able to concentrate and wondering when did I develop ADHD and what is this all about? To be sure, there are a lot of women who are diagnosed with ADHD in their 40s. Part of it is all of the stuff that happens with perimenopause, because suddenly we can't concentrate and we forget names and words like oh my gosh, am I developing dementia, which leads to more anxiety, or why can't I remember anything I used to do or I used to know how to do this, and suddenly I'm like I don't know. I forget where I was supposed to be at this time.

Megan Devito:

Forgetfulness is a part of this whole phase of life Feeling mentally sluggish, where you're like I'll get it to it in just a minute, just like your brain is kind of going in slow motion Again. This is really normal for the hormone fluctuations and the changes that are happening in your body. They can also really scare you and if you have an underlying level of anxiety anyway, or if you've dealt with health anxiety your entire life, like I have, you might start to wonder if you're okay. If that's where you are, go get checked out by your doctor. Then come talk to me because we can really work through the idea of you have a clean bill of health from your doctor. You've had everything checked out. This really is anxiety and I can walk you through that so you can learn to trust yourself, trust your body, even in this place where it's changing every single day, and move forward and actually love this part of your life so that you're out doing fun things and recreating yourself, because that's what we're headed towards. I'm almost there, I promise.

Megan Devito:

Another thing that you might notice with perimenopause is that you can't sleep. You're tired and I don't mean tired, I mean like dead exhausted and you can't sleep Partly because you're sweating your butt off, partly because you're stressed out of everything that you can't remember and the anxiety is high, but also because your brain, your whole body, is changing. It can mess with your thyroid, it can mess with your cortisol levels. Every single one of these hormones working together can keep you awake at night. I can help you learn how to create a sleep routine that works for you, how to lower your stress level and your anxiety level during the day so that those cortisol levels come down. We can talk about ways to work through different night sweats or hot flashes or anything else that's keeping you awake, and really work through those thoughts that you start thinking about at 2 am that feel really scary and overwhelming, like what is my life coming to? What happens next? Why do I feel this way? Why does everybody hate me? Why do I hate everybody else and work through those things?

Megan Devito:

We can also talk about headaches and how those hormone fluctuations can make you feel like you have a migraine, kind of the same way that you would feel right before you start your period, but you don't really know when your period's coming. So all of a sudden you have a headache but then no period. What the heck just happened? It's the same thing. Your hormones can go up enough to give you the PMS stuff, but not actually for you to start your period, because your ovaries are shutting down. It's such an uplifting topic, isn't it? We're going to get to the good stuff, though your hormones are wreaking havoc on you, okay. So again, I mentioned your thyroid. I mentioned cortisol and all of those things and all of those hormones contribute to anxiety. So let's get to the basis of what we want to talk about here, because I do coach people with anxiety and stress. Let's talk mostly about anxiety and how that's showing up.

Megan Devito:

Those hormone changes can trigger anxiety symptoms. Yes, they can trigger PMS symptoms and a lot of times when we have PMS or we're getting ready to start our periods, we feel more anxious anyway, because it's your brain reading your body and even though your body is doing really weird things, it's still familiar to you when you know what's normal for you and when you learn to trust how you feel and to trust your instincts. So, yes, those anxiety symptoms things like your heart racing because you had a sudden adrenaline rush or you got a little burst of cortisol, or having trouble sleeping, which can make you not think clearly when you already can't think clearly, and also intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are going to be part of anxiety, but they can also be part of menopause, when your brain's not thinking clearly. Intrusive thoughts are a big one for people, because they can be really dark and scary or they can be really just random things that your brain's trying to protect you when you feel these symptoms. It's okay. This is all fairly normal with anxiety. It's also fairly normal with perimenopause. Just be aware that if you're experiencing that, you're probably in that change period of time. If you were in your late 30s, 40s, 50s. I'm not saying it can't happen earlier than that and I'm not saying that it can't happen later than that. I'm just saying that's a typical age range, okay, so when we talk about perimenopause and existential dread, let's go to the idea of everything that's changing. I'm going to talk to you from personal experience right now. So I've mentioned before I'm 48. I I'm going to talk to you from personal experience right now. So I've mentioned before I'm 48. I've got four kids. I'm pretty sure I'm in the thick of it. I'll let you know for sure after I have this blood test. And life is changing. My oldest is going to be 24 years old this weekend. This weekend I have. So my baby is not a baby anymore, he's an adult, and my baby baby is going to get her driver's license this year. So my babies aren't babies anymore.

Megan Devito:

And when your kids can start to take care of themselves and they don't need you to do all the things when you don't have to drive them anywhere anymore, or when they're like no, I'm going to go to practice, you don't need to come pick me up. You're losing that connection with them and it can feel like you are losing your identity in the process. It's like okay, I guess I don't need to do all the mom stuff anymore. First of all, that's just a thought and it's not true. It's kind of like the idea that I hear parents talk about when they're like you only have 18 summers. I've talked with some people who are like 18 summers is not very much. I'm terrified of the fact. Every time they've created this feeling of dread by counting down the summers, like I'm going to miss something and time is up and I just told you that my oldest baby is going to be 24. We still hang out in the summers. Adult kids are cool and they're fun. It's all what you're thinking about.

Megan Devito:

Okay, but when you're in this place where everything feels like it's changing at once your body is changing, your kids are growing up, your parents aren't as young as they used to be, your friend group maybe is moving away or they're divorcing or whatever's happening in your life you can really lose your identity on who you were for so many years, especially if you have grown up being involved with, maybe, kid activities, or you've been really, really involved with, like the younger things that are happening at work, and suddenly you're figuring out that like, oh, wait a minute, all these people they're hiring are younger than me. Suddenly, your identity and who you are yourself shifts and you realize, like I'm not that young kid anymore. And so we get this idea of, oh my God, if I'm not young, I'm not that young kid anymore. And so we get this idea of oh my God, if I'm not young, does that mean I'm old? No, no, no, no, no, it doesn't. It means that you're not as young as you used to be, but that doesn't mean that you're like, have one foot in the grave. So if you have those feelings like okay, this is it, it's all downhill, I'm like half dead, let's just hit a pause on that, because that's really where the existential dread can start to kick in, and part of this does come from hormone fluctuations. So again, we're going to go back to the idea of estrogen and progesterone and how they're regulating these chemicals like serotonin. Serotonin feels really, really good.

Megan Devito:

I did just read an article recently, though, that if you're feeling chronically depressed, serotonin may not be the problem. It can actually be what you're eating. So if you're feeling really bad and in order to make yourself feel better, you're eating I don't know Doritos, or you're eating ice cream, or you're grabbing a glass of wine. All of those things that you might be doing to help yourself feel a little bit better can make you feel worse, because they're messing with your gut biome. Your gut biome is so tied to how you feel. So how can you take care of yourself the way that you would tell your kids to take care of themselves? Are you eating your vegetables? Are you getting enough protein? Did you go to bed on time? Are you going to be too tired for school tomorrow? All those questions you used to ask your kids or that your parents used to ask you. Go back and ask them to yourself. Did I eat healthy today? Did I drink any water? Did I only drink coffee and wine? No wonder I don't feel good During perimenopause, these hormones that are fluctuating can really make you feel a lot bigger emotions.

Megan Devito:

If you are eating your emotions, or you are drinking your emotions, or you're smoking your emotions, or you're avoiding your emotions, that can make you question everything, including your purpose, including your place in the world, and that's really part of this reinvention. I think it was Leslie who I mentioned she's got I'm going to tag her episode at the end of this. My episode I did with Leslie Duffy where she talked about. It's almost like this chrysalis stage where it's like, okay, I was a little caterpillar and now I'm in this weird chrysalis, like I have no idea what's happening with myself, but I'm going to come out the other side. We don't know how we're coming out, but we get to decide. Unlike the butterfly, you get to choose how you come out the other side of this phase of life.

Megan Devito:

Because, even though you might think that you're losing your identity, this is just the end of the reproductive years. It's not the end of your life. You're not gonna have another baby. And if you were hoping to have another baby, maybe it's not too late. But if you're like, thank God, I'm not having another baby, that's great news, that's all it means. That's all it means. That's all it means. It means that you're probably not going to have more kids. Cool.

Megan Devito:

My guess is, if you're 48, you probably didn't want to have a baby anyway. You might grieve that, and if you tried for a long time to have kids and that's not where you were, or if you chose not to have kids and there's part of you that's like I wonder what it was like. There can be some grief involved there, but you have to let yourself feel that as well. So I don't want to play down the fact that there are some women listening to this, or some even men listening to this, who are like, yeah, but that didn't happen for us. There can be loss associated with that. For other people it might be like, yeah, I don't care at all that. I'm past that stage.

Megan Devito:

Wherever you are, whether you are from the grief side or you're from the relief side, there's still a future ahead of you, and we just get to decide what happens next. You get to feel good, you have lots of life left and you have lots of opportunities left. But when you start feeling low or you notice that your mood shifts or you're grouchy, or you're feeling depressed or tired, or you start thinking of all the things that you could have, should have, would have, did that you didn't do. That's going to lead you down this path of existential dread. How much time do I have left? We could have asked ourselves that in our 20s, but we were too busy not thinking clearly in our 20s because we were full of other hormones. So I'm just going to direct you back to the thought that this is not an ending. It's a pause for a new step forward.

Megan Devito:

Okay, this is a life stage transition and, even though this one might feel all taboo and secret because we don't talk so much about perimenopause, I just want you to remember middle school for a second and I want you to remember how much fun that was, because, just like middle school, when you went into puberty and all of a sudden you were like what am I going to do with these boobs and how do I hide them from the rest of the world? Or, guys, what do I do when my voice does this thing and it cracks in the middle of everything? Do you remember how awkward that was? Do you remember watching your neighbor kid or your niece or nephew or your own kid go through that and you're like, oh Lord, I remember that was crazy. They also couldn't think clearly. Plus, they were full of hormones, like crazy hormones, all the hormones that were ditching.

Megan Devito:

We were just picking up back then this is just another phase of life and this is a transition to what comes next. Not to get off the bus and go die. We're not there. So if you notice that empty nest syndrome feels a little bit bigger, okay, where are my kids? What is my identity? How do I do this? Or, oh my gosh, how am I going to take care of my parents? They're getting older. I don't know what to do. This is scary because there's a little kid inside of me that's terrified of my parents getting older. Or you notice that all of these people in my job are so much younger than me and smarter than me. Are they going to fire me because I'm too old? No, there's a law against it.

Megan Devito:

These are all these external factors that can really fight against the way that you feel inside. If you buy into those thoughts, you're going to notice that you feel more dread and more anxiety and more depression. I'm going to help you figure out a way, when we work together, to not buy into the thoughts. The thoughts are causing the feelings. Yes, some of it is chemical and it's a feeling inside of your body, but again, I'm going to go back to what I say every single week it's what you think about how your body feels.

Megan Devito:

And, to be sure, in this phase of life, with perimenopause, your body feels wonky and messed up and not great. What you think about it unless it's that was definitely a hormone surge caused by perimenopause will turn you into either a spiral upward or downward. And that's really how we want to think about how we feel, because for sure it is whiplash, it's a wild ride. So you have to mind your mind and really change what you're thinking about, how your body feels. So let's backtrack really quickly.

Megan Devito:

Perimenopause is just the lead up to you having non-functioning ovaries anymore, point blank. It can come with a lot of thoughts about how you feel, about what stages you are in your life. It can make your heart race, it can make you sweat in the middle of a boardroom even though the air conditioning's set at 50, and it can make you not sleep well. All of those things together can pile on top of each other and make you very anxious, very stressed out and cause existential dread. And it all comes back to what you think about where you are in your life and how your body feels. And this is really what coaching does.

Megan Devito:

I help you find the thoughts that you have about that feeling in your heart, or your kids growing up, or your parents getting older, or your ability in your heart, or your kids growing up, or your parents getting older, or your ability in your job, whatever it is that's coming up for you. Let's find the thoughts that are making those feelings worse and making them stronger. Let's get you excited about what comes next, because if you are 50 or 60 years old, if you are 40 or 35 and maybe going through it a little bit early, let's talk about what you want to happen next. The only thing that's changed is that you don't have as many eggs and your estrogen is out of whack. That's it, okay.

Megan Devito:

I hope this was helpful and I hope that, if you are dealing with that existential dread, which is really normal in this phase of life, if you are dealing with extra stress and anxiety, I hope you know that, even though it's really uncomfortable and a terrible feeling and nothing that we want to deal with, it's also very normal and you don't have to sit in it the entire time. There's medication to help you, there are coaches to help you, there are therapists, there are doctors. All of us are here to work together to get to a place where our age is killing it Like this is what if this is the best? Next step forward? What if we have a better formed brain, more rational thinking, more impulse control, a really idea of what's fun and we know the answers to the questions? Because I truly believe that that's out there, and I also believe that every single one of us was created for a purpose, and sometimes we don't find that purpose until later in life. So you could be on the edge of greatness, my friend. If this was helpful for you, or if you know somebody else that's in the middle of this stage of life, please share this video with them, give it a like, give it a star, give it five stars. On whatever podcast you're listening to, whatever it is that you need to bump it up, because the more that you guys comment, the more that you share, the more that you leave ratings and reviews, the easier it is for people to find this podcast, find this video on YouTube, and I get to help more people, which is really my goal. I want to help over a thousand people this year and over 2000 people next year, and the more that you guys share, the more that you guys send this out there to other people that need this information. The more that people get to feel less anxious and the better the world is. I hope this was helpful and if you want to talk more about how I can help you about coaching with me, find me on socials. I'm on Instagram, I am on threads and I am on Facebook at @ Coach Megan DeVito. I am on LinkedIn as Megan DeVito. If you're watching this on YouTube, hi, I'm right here. You can just message me any way you want. Okay, you can also email me at Megan, at MeganDeVito. com. I hope this was helpful and if I don't talk to you this week, I will be back next week for another episode. Take care. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the more than anxiety, so take care.