Ep 9 - You Don't Need More Information: Stop Researching to try to Manage Anxiety

Are you anxious and constantly seeking information online to manage anxiety?
In this episode, I explore the concept of "information overload" and how it can exacerbate anxiety. Learn:

• Why you don't need more information: Discover why more information may not be the solution to your anxiety.
• The role of your brain in anxiety: Understand how your brain's natural functions contribute to anxiety and how to retrain it.
• The power of self-acceptance: Learn to accept anxiety as a normal part of life and embrace your ability to manage it.
• Practical techniques for managing anxiety: Discover simple, effective tools to reduce stress and anxiety.
• Overcoming the fear of feeling anxious: Learn how to use anxious feelings to your advantage so you can take control of your thoughts and emotions.
• The importance of taking action: Discover why simply knowing what to do is not enough and why taking action is essential for overcoming anxiety.

Key Topics:

• The illusion of needing more information: Understand why constantly seeking new information can actually worsen anxiety.
  • "The more information we have, the more anxious that people seem to get."
• The power of your brain: Learn how your brain's natural functions can contribute to anxiety and how to retrain it.
  • "Your brain is doing its job. Every time you start to feel anxious and you get scared and frustrated, if you can take a moment just remember what your brain is trying to do to help you then reparent yourself instead of reacting or researching, you'll be able to put a pause in there."
• The importance of self-acceptance: Accept that anxiety is normal and that you have the power to manage it.
  • "Anxiety is completely normal. Everybody in the world experiences it at some point in time, and some of us are just really freaking amazing at it."
• Practical tools for managing anxiety: Discover simple yet effective techniques to reduce anxiety and promote well-being.
  • "You have the power to change these responses to how you feel and what you think."
• Overcoming the fear of feeling anxious: Learn how to embrace your anxiety and take control of your thoughts and emotions.
  • "It's time to start. The longer you wait, the longer you will feel anxious, and the further it will dig in its heels."

Thanks for listening!

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Transcript

Oh, my goodness, welcome to episode nine. It is so great to have you here. If this is your first episode, welcome and I'm thrilled that you found your way to the More Than Anxiety podcast. My name is Megan, and I'm a life coach. I help women and teenagers who are struggling with stress, or anxiety, high functioning anxiety, people who feel really pretty trapped by their feelings and their fears break out. And I help them create a life that they love to live with a lot more fun, and a lot more forward motion, and far less anxiety. It's a super amazing job and I'm so excited about what I get to do because anxiety and stress have this way of keeping everybody playing really small. And what I know to be true is that the entire world and I need you functioning on all cylinders. There's some crazy going on out there. The world needs everybody going full on go. And I totally believe that you were created for an amazing thing. Amazing future, amazing progress. So let's create something amazing together today. Are you ready?

Let's jump in and talk about trying to find the answer to anxiety and why you already know the answer. It's true. You don't need any more information, you've got a ton of it. Here's why I say that more information isn't the answer. Your brain likes to complicate things when you feel anxious. So it digs into the darkest corners of the internet or into the news, maybe online forums, maybe people that you know, and you start asking questions, to find some certainty. Your brain absolutely loves certainty. It likes that familiar path. I talked in past episodes about kind of the metaphor of the sledding hill. I'm from Indiana, so in the winter, we get snow. And when you start sledding down a hill with fresh snow, you don't go very far on the first run. But as you create the path, you go faster, and you stay on the same trail, and it kind of turns into a sheet of ice and you go super fast on the hill. This is the same way your brain functions. It starts out slow. But it really loves to take the same path. So when you are looking for more information, you're just creating a path. Your brain likes to feel safe and it likes to know things are familiar. It likes to complicate things when you feel anxious. So we start asking these questions like "what if", and then we throw ourselves into the most outlandish and scary stories that our brain can muster up. That happens all the time; you write incredible horror stories. Your brain is also super convincing. It starts to tell you all of the things that are your deepest, darkest fears about whatever you read, or whatever you heard, and how that story is absolutely, definitely true for you...even when it's not. And no matter what happens, your body is going to follow all of this up with some really intense feelings that make you feel super uncomfortable. Because anxiety is never ever comfortable, is it?  This is just a totally normal biological process. It's what our bodies do. So if you're new here, I want to remind you that anxiety is completely normal. Everybody in the world experiences it at some point in time, and some of us are just really freaking amazing at it. So I guess it can kind of be like a really awful superpower, or something like that. But there's nothing wrong with you at all. And you have the power to change these responses to how you feel and what you think. I just made that sound super easy didn't I?  I didn't say easy, though. It's simple, totally simple, but it's definitely not easy. And before you hit pause and you want to cuss me out and think I'm crazy, I just want to tell you, that simple and easy are not the same things. Okay? 

I've been down this path. And everything that I share with you here are everything I share with the people I coach, these are all tools and processes that I've done myself. I tell you them because they work. I tell everybody the same thing. Super duper simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy. It also means you can totally do it. 
Okay, so let's talk today about why more information might actually be the last thing in the world that you need. If you are always seeking more information, no matter where you look, you will find more reasons to feel either relieved or freaked out. There's going to be confirmation for both schools of thought. If you think about this two people can read the exact same article, or hear the exact same information and one of them might leave feeling like everything is better, while the other one could leave feeling like they have one foot in the grave. Its own only what your brain interprets the information to mean about you, or your safety. This is why I'm saying that you can choose to think or believe differently. Because the circumstance or whatever the story is, is just a story. You apply the meaning to it. You could choose to think or believe differently. It takes some practice. It takes a little of untying of mental knots and stories and fears, of course, but we can work on that together. When you're looking for more information or if you are looking for more information, you're in a perfect spot in history, because if we're being honest, you're living in a time when there is more information available to you at any given moment of the day than any other point in time! Ever! So my thought on this is, the more information we have, the more anxious that people seem to get. Lack of information is not a problem for us right now; think about this for just one quick second. We know what happened five minutes ago in Japan, while we are sitting on the toilet in the United States. Seriously! We may not even really need to know what's going on in Japan, but if something, "bad" happens on the other side of the world, and we happen to be on our phone listening to the news or Doom scrolling Twitter, you're gonna get a notification. And if your brain is sensitive to that piece of information, you are going to get an adrenaline rush and your body is going to get flooded with hormones like cortisol and adrenaline and all that. You're going to feel anxious in your body, and your brain is going to try to figure out why you feel that way, in order to protect you from this imminent danger. That's just what it does. 

So let's say for a minute that you have 30 different techniques to help you relax saved on your phone. Maybe they're screenshots or like Instagram posts, whatever. And all these different posts or ideas have great information that can help you. There is a ton of fantastic information out there! However, even with those 30 pieces of information, you're always looking for something else. Maybe something that works faster, or something that seems easier, so that you can get through this next round of anxiety. Because it's superduper uncomfortable, isn't it? And you just want to deal with it. You just want to move on and feel good and normal and not be afraid to drive your car, or go to the grocery, or talk to someone. Why are you looking for this though? Are you looking for more information to make anxiety go away faster? Stop and think about this. I'm going to ask this question a lot in this podcast. What are you actually looking for? When you get on your phone or you get on your computer, or if you sit down to think about things, hat are you trying to figure out? This is a really big question. Are you trying to find proof that you're safe? Or are you trying to find proof that you're knocking on death's door? Are you trying to prove yourself right? Are you trying to prove yourself wrong? I have seen so many people that will like, or save, or screenshot, or share the same things over, and over, and over again. And then five minutes later, in their next post or their next tweet or story or whatever, it's all about how horrible they feel, and how they just can't stop feeling or thinking because they are way too anxious. But the thing is, I know that they've already shared like 50 times in the last month exactly what they need to know. How many posts on Instagram or Facebook, have you saved, or screenshot and actually focused on implementing? And how many of these posts say the same things over and over? But you're looking for something: just maybe one more piece of information that's going to make it easier. This is why I'm asking you, what are you looking for? But it's also why I'm telling you that you already know the answer. 

So I'm not saying this to be a jerk. That's not it. Your brain is just doing its job. Every time you start to feel anxious and you get scared and frustrated, if you can take a moment just remember what your brain is trying to do to help you then reparent yourself instead of reacting or researching, you'll be able to put a pause in there. Remember your brain's only job is to keep you safe and alive. That's it. It is really efficient at this, because if it had its way, you would just eat a lot and lay on the couch get really fat and lazy and save all of your energy up in case you would need it for some horrible thing like a T Rex attack. Because that's really it! Your brain doesn't know what's real and what's not. It just knows that if you have enough stored energy, you'll be able to fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. It's doing what it's supposed to do. So what are you looking for? If you can get curious about why you keep doom scrolling? Or why you keep saving and sharing these posts? What will you learn? What is it about the post that keeps catching your eye anyway? What makes you think, "This is exactly what I need to share, because this is going to be helpful to somebody!" But not you? What's going on there? Why do you keep saving and sharing? And what is it that's attracting you to that post? Something about that is grabbing your attention? Have you tried it consistently, for more than one day? 

So next, are you really seeking information or are you seeking confirmation? Because these are two very different things. Are you looking for proof that you're safe? So when you see some statistic that says 97% of people don't have this problem, are you saying "Whew!, That's a relief? 97%? That's a great stat?" Or are you saying, "Oh no, I'm probably in that 3%." So then you just keep looking for more reassurance or more relief, and the next little bit of information that will change your mind and give you that 100% certainty. Because I'm here to tell you that as glorious and amazing as a 100% guarantee sounds, it's not really all that possible in most situations. That's what anxiety will cause you to look for. That's a big ask, isn't it? Because if we're being honest, is there ever a time when we know 100% what's happening in the next five minutes? If you think about that, the answer's no.  Anxiety is going to make you focus on the thing that gets the biggest reaction out of you, because your emotions, and how your body feels are running the show. That's what's normal. It's okay, we just have to get back to the truth which is you're anxious, but you're also safe. So here's those questions again, you ready? Are you seeking proof that you're safe? Are you seeking proof that you're right? Or are you seeking proof that you're wrong? Because no matter what happens, I am here to tell you that you're going to find what you're looking for. And I've talked about this before,l where your brain has this little pretend that there's a net over your brain, okay? It's called the RAS. It's the reticular activation system. And if you can imagine how many things are going on around you all the time that your brain could focus on; sounds, smells, other people, oncoming traffic, what you want for dinner, what just happened at work, your bad score at Super Mario Brothers; whatever the heck it is that you're thinking about. Maybe you're thinking I could really use a cup of coffee, it doesn't matter what it is, your brain can't take in all of the stimulus that's surrounding you at all times. If it had to take all of that in, it would POOF it's way too much information. So that's what the RAS does. It's kind of like a fishing net or like a sieve. It only lets through what you need to survive, or what you've told it to focus on. So when you are seeking information, your brain is grabbing onto the things that it's supposed to be looking for, and latches on to what gives you an emotional reaction. So you notice those things. Or if you have a day, where let's say, you go out and you chose to wear an orange shirt. Suddenly, when you look around you notice there's a lot of people wearing a lot of orange shirts today. Like suddenly it's orange shirt day, but what the heck happened? Why is everyone in your area wearing this shirt? Your brain just noticing that because that's what you directed your attention to. It's similar when you go on the internet and you start looking for things to help you with your anxiety. You will find what you were looking for, because you've told your brain to look for it. 

It's like this confirmation bias. It's not exactly the same thing, but it's similar. When I was teaching, I remember this from Educational Psychology; it's a self fulfilling prophecy. If you tell a kid they're stupid, they will be stupid. If you tell a kid they're smart, they will be smart. They will go with what they're told. A confirmation bias is really just this tendency to process information by looking for and then interpreting information that goes in line with what you already believe. If you believe you're smart, you will be smart. If you believe you're lucky, you will be lucky. Your brain will find what it's looking for. If you believe based on how your body feels, and the scary thoughts that your brain offers up that you are a total idiot, and that you made an idiot out of yourself at work yesterday, with absolutely no proof by the way, that's what you, that's what you'll find. You'll start seeing people look at you, and you'll think they're thinking that you're an idiot. That doesn't mean it's true. It's just a thought. Here's another example. If you believe that your liver is going to rupture, and I don't even know that that can happen, I'm making this up. But if you believe that, you'll start finding all this information that you need for evidence that something's wrong with your liver. This happened to me once. I was probably 23 and I was sitting in church and for some reason, because I had health anxiety so I thought I had all the diseases. And I remember thinking that my liver kept hurting. But the weird part is, is that I don't actually know where the liver is located in my body. Like, I don't know if it's on the right or the left. I think it's kind of under a rib, but maybe not. But I was pretty convinced at that point that I had liver failure, or liver cancer, probably... something. But I started noticing, there would be like obituaries in the paper for people who had liver cancer, or I would start my brain would start noticing it. That's what was going on. You can take that for proof, you can take it as a premonition, or like a sign, it's none of those things. It's none of those at all. Whatever you are looking for, you will find. If you are looking for more information, you will find it. But again, you don't need it!
Do you even need to be looking for more information? With all the information that you've collected, are you feeling less anxious and are you taking action? Are you willing to accept the results that you find? What do you want to believe? And are you willing to believe it? Even if you have an anxious body and an anxious brain! That's a hard one, because your brain will fight back. It's trying its hardest to make you stay alive? It doesn't know there's nothing wrong? Here's another question, do you need actual evidence? Because the answer is no, you don't. You don't need evidence. You absolutely do not need it, because your brain already knows the truth. And your body already knows the truth. 

One of the things that can help so much when you're feeling anxious, is to just give yourself some Love. And I've talked about this in other episodes as well, this idea that you have this little teeny you inside of yourself. Picture yourself when you were younger, like this cute little kid inside you that's still in there freaking out. This is the idea of the inner child. Some people might roll their eyes at it and other people will spend hours talking to their inner child. What I'm saying is that when you have this internal freakout, when your inner child is throwing a fit, you should respond by reminding yourself that everything's okay. "Hey, I hear you in there a little me. Everything's okay. You're doing your best job. You're just trying to keep us safe. But check it out. We're doing fine! You are safe. You are loved. Everything is okay." You don't need to spend four hours a day thinking about it. Pay attention to how you feel inside your body and what you think because of those feelings. If you want to let those scary feelings go, you have to learn to reparent your brain. You are in charge. That doesn't mean that your own parents screwed up. Maybe they did. Maybe they didn't. What it does mean is that you just need a little extra love you need to thank your brain for trying to keep you alive. Again, it doesn't know that T Rex's aren't around anymore, and that it's just a scary thought. It only knows what you tell it. 

Okay, so let's talk about what you already know about anxiety so that you can backtrack over this again and start recognizing when your brain is about to lose control, and your emotions are going to start taking over. This is what happens. First, number one. When your brain perceives something as dangerous, it's going to send out a ton of cortisol and adrenaline and all these other hormones so that you can go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This is what makes your body feel like garbage. This is what makes you feel crappy, and shaky, and out of breath, and dizzy, and makes your heart beat faster. It's all hormones. It's normal. It's safe, and it's meant to keep you alive, even though it feels like absolute crap. That's it. 

Number two. After that happens your brain is going to try and figure out why you feel how you feel. It will offer thoughts, upon thoughts, upon thoughts. If you believe those bad feelings in your body means something is wrong, your brain will keep offering you more thoughts and more hormones to make your body all jacked and ready for it action. That's all it's doing. 

And third, remind yourself that you are anxious. It seems a little silly, doesn't it? Because the real problem is that we don't like to be anxious. We don't like how we feel. If we were able, and being rational, when you're anxious isn't necessarily possible, and certainly not the easiest thing, but if we were being honest here, we know we're anxious! We don't like it. Say it out loud. I want you to notice how your body feels the exact same way, but the story can be different. Have you ever noticed that? So when I'm anxious, I feel it in my solar plexus or in my arms. Some people feel it in their throat. Maybe someone feels like they're gonna throw up. But whatever it feels like for you? Have you ever noticed that it can feel the same way, but your brain just changes the story because it's trying to come up with an answer? I don't know why that is so hard for us to catch on to. But it is! It still gets me every time. Your brain is just trying to figure out why so that you can do something about it. "What do we do? Do we fight? Do we run? Do we freeze?" 

This brings us to number four. Choose a response from the arsenal that you already have. You've done a lot of research. All of that research that you've done is more than enough. You get to choose an option, pick one. I'm sure that you have a bunch of them that you've shared, and that you know off the top of your head. When your body gets that hormone rush, and your brain tries to make sense of feelings. Choose one response and act. You have to remember that anxiety isn't dangerous. It just makes us think it's dangerous. It's a trickster. You get to choose your thoughts, and ignore how your body feels. And this is one of the things that we really, really work on when I'm coaching someone. 

This is one of the things we start with. How does anxiety feel in your body? Where do you feel it? What does it feel like? Describe it? Sometimes we draw it, sometimes we explore it and try and move around on it. You don't need to look that up on the internet because it's your body. You can already feel it. You don't have to google that. You can't Google, "What does my body feel like when I'm anxious?" and expect it to tell you exactly what you feel like. It's different for everybody. It might have similar sensations. But for you, what does your body feel like when it' anxious, you have to get to know your own body. So you can say, when I feel this way, I know it is anxiety. Ask yourself. What do I do when I'm anxious? Do I freak out? Do I push it away as hard as I can? Do I cry? Do I throw up? Do I start Googling? What do I do? This is the power part, you ready? You pause and you make a choice.

This is your power moment. You don't need more information, you just need to recognize that this is how you feel when you are anxious. And it's okay. You can go ahead and say, well, this sucks. And I don't feel good at all. Just remember that your brain is doing its job and it's going to start making up all the stories. It's going to say that you should probably Google this, you should probably look it up on the internet and see if anybody else has ever felt this way before! It will do its very best to convince you something is wrong. You don't need to do anything though. Remember that you are in charge. Thank your brain for all of the lovely ideas and remind it that you are not going there right now because you need to go to work, or to pick up your kids, or do whatever else is on your agenda. Whatever it is, you do not have to buy into the story. This is simple. That doesn't mean it's easy. 

Okay, I want to add an important factor here. When you are beginning this process, your brain is going to keep offering up these garbage thoughts for a little while. Especially in the beginning! It takes time to teach your brain a new reaction to the way that your body feels. And I can assure you from my own personal place and recovery, where I am right now and where I was, that it will learn. It's not going to happen overnight. And yes, absolutely, medication can make your body and your brain slow down enough so that you can start practicing new skills. But medication itself will not take away anxiety. It will not cure anxiety. It's not something that needs to be cured. It's something that needs to be understood. Finding more information will not cure your anxiety. The best news ever is you already know everything that you need to know. You can totally choose what you want to do. 

So here's what I mean. asking you, I am asking you to commit today to starting. Maybe that start is you knowing that you have all the information that you need, and not researching anymore. Maybe it's getting up and moving your body even when you don't feel like it. Maybe you decide to learn to meditate, or that you need to call a therapist. Maybe you decide that you are ready to work with me - with a coach. Maybe it's that you need to stop drinking coffee all day long. I don't know what the answer is for you, but I know that you do know the answer. I absolutely believe that you know what you need to do. I just want to know what's stopping you from doing it. I think I already know what's stopping you from doing it, though. It's fear. Fear that it's going to be too hard. Fear that it won't work. The fear of being afraid. The fear of being anxious. All those things. And again, it. The next step is not finding more information, though. No matter what it's using the information that you already have. And that is a powerful step. If you want to have different results, where you feel less anxious, or you just want to be able to do things without anxiety, messing up your plans, you absolutely have to do something different! Doing the same thing over, and over, and over, will not move you forward and it won't make your anxiety any better. It will do the exact opposite. 

My friend, I want you to feel amazing! I want you to be able to celebrate the holidays and to feel calmer than you have in however many years. I want you to be excited about what's coming up for you in 2023. I want you to feel good taking your kids to the park, or to the skating rink, or to be able to go to their school play and feel confident knowing that you are there because that is exactly where you belong. And you don't give a rat's ass what anyone else in the room thinks about you. Because you are amazing. I want you to take whatever job you want, because you know that you're capable. I want you to shine like nobody's business! You have this in you and it is not coming from the internet, or from the news, or a book, or from your friend. It is coming from you. You've got all of this inside of you. All you have to do is make a decision to change and to do the work. You have to commit, No backsies! You've got it! Take what you know already and decide and commit. 

If you are ready to move forward and to start feeling confident in yourself, to start creating more space for what you want instead of dodging what you fear and how you feel. If you are ready for that. What are you waiting for? What are you looking for? If you are waiting for someone to tell you that it's time to start? Here I am; it is time to start. The longer you wait, the longer you will feel anxious, and the further it will dig in its heels. It is time to start. I am here to help you work through the steps. So when you're ready to talk to me about how I can help you get there, it's simple. You can go to the show notes and click the link. It'll either say Schedule a Consult or Work With Me. Or you can go to my website, it's megandevito.com and you click the Work With Me tab. Schedule a time for us to talk. It's just a phone call. And we get to figure out where you're hung up, what you want, you can tell me all the things that you've Googled or tried and you can tell me your story. Let's find your first step. Whatever you choose to do is better than staying where you are. I know that you've got this. You've got everything that you need and I am so excited that you are here today listening to this. I hope this is incredibly helpful for you. And I hope that this is something that if someone you know needs this information that you'll share this with them as well. Because I want to tell you my super secret not so secret goal is really to take anxiety down at its knees. If I tell you, if I teach you or coach you how to feel better, and then you share it and then those people share it. It multiplies. We can totally knock anxiety it out. I 100% believe it. You're ready. Let's make it a great day. Let's take action. You've got everything you need. And I am here when you are ready to talk. I will be back next week.