Rewriting Your Success Story by Conquering the Imposter Within
May 15, 2024
Hank Eder / Nikki Gangemi
Have you ever felt like a fraud in your own life, waiting for someone to uncover that you're not as competent as you seem? Transformational coach Nikki Gangemi is here to dismantle that mindset and guide you to unshakable confidence with her CALM method. Our enlightening discussion with Nikki takes us through her transformation, from battling the lingering effects of bullying to harnessing her experiences as stepping stones toward empowering others. She shares how her journey led to the mastery of NLP and hypnotherapy, and how these tools can be applied to refashion negative emotions and limiting beliefs into a resilient, success-oriented mindset.
As we peel back the layers of imposter syndrome—identifying its symptoms and differentiating it from the Dunning-Kruger effect—Nikki lays out the life-changing strategies detailed in her book "The Calm Method." Learn how to become aware of your internal narrative and consciously shift towards possibilities that can redefine your life's trajectory. Moreover, we demystify hypnotherapy, revealing its true nature as a state of focused relaxation that can catalyze profound personal growth. For those ready to embark on a transformative journey toward success and independence, Nikki offers guidance that's just a connection away. Tune in to discover how to elevate your mindset and embrace the freedom that comes with a home business venture on the Home Business Success Show on BizRadio.
Have you ever felt like a fraud in your own life, waiting for someone to uncover that you're not as competent as you seem? Transformational coach Nikki Gangemi is here to dismantle that mindset and guide you to unshakable confidence with her CALM method. Our enlightening discussion with Nikki takes us through her transformation, from battling the lingering effects of bullying to harnessing her experiences as stepping stones toward empowering others. She shares how her journey led to the mastery of NLP and hypnotherapy, and how these tools can be applied to refashion negative emotions and limiting beliefs into a resilient, success-oriented mindset.
As we peel back the layers of imposter syndrome—identifying its symptoms and differentiating it from the Dunning-Kruger effect—Nikki lays out the life-changing strategies detailed in her book "The Calm Method." Learn how to become aware of your internal narrative and consciously shift towards possibilities that can redefine your life's trajectory. Moreover, we demystify hypnotherapy, revealing its true nature as a state of focused relaxation that can catalyze profound personal growth. For those ready to embark on a transformative journey toward success and independence, Nikki offers guidance that's just a connection away. Tune in to discover how to elevate your mindset and embrace the freedom that comes with a home business venture on the Home Business Success Show on BizRadio.
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Hank:
Welcome to the Home Business Success Show. Join us as we speak to home business entrepreneurs for tips, tricks, do's and even don'ts for running a successful home business. Welcome everyone, I'm Hank Eder, also known as Hank the PR guy, host of the Home Business Success Show, and you're listening to bizradious. All entrepreneurs all the time. Our guest today Nikki Gangemi. I said that, right, right.
Nikki :
You did, yes, all right.
Hank:
Our guest today, nikki Gangemi, has made three significant pivots in her life from actress to teacher to entrepreneur. The firsthand experiences equip her with a unique perspective on navigating major life transitions. As an international board-certified master, nlp practitioner, neurolinguistic programming NLP hypnotherapist, speaker, trainer and author, nikki brings a blend of expertise, compassion and empowerment to her coaching practice. She helps ambitious entrepreneurs, perfectionists and people-pleasers build unshakable confidence and feel empowered to pursue the goals they aspire to, without letting fear and self-doubt rob them of any more of their time. Nikki helps her clients transcend personal and professional barriers through transformative NLP coaching and her proprietary calm method that's calm-like, peaceful and calm, equipping them with the internal tools necessary for attracting prosperity, relationship transformations and elevating their life and business. Welcome to the show, nikki.
Nikki :
Thank you, hank, I'm excited to be here. Thank you for having me.
Hank:
Oh, you're very welcome. First, please tell us a little bit about what you do.
Nikki :
Sure, well, I call myself a personal trainer for your mind, rather than saying all those things that you said about the NLP and the hypnotherapy, and what that means is really that we're used to training our bodies. And what if we trained our mind and built in that strength and resilience so that we can handle anything that comes our way in life? So, helping people get to the root cause of their problems, which are usually a negative emotion like self-doubt, fear, limiting beliefs, like who am I to do this? What if I can't handle this success? And internal conflict, where part of them wants one thing but there's this other part that is in conflict. So when we resolve that, then people find themselves just taking massive, inspired action towards their goals.
Hank:
So, basically, you build their mental and emotional muscles and move them past the things that are blocking them from taking the next steps.
Nikki :
Yes, I love that.
Hank:
If you would tell us a bit about your journey. What is it that brought you to where you are today?
Nikki :
My own story, really. I for some. Well, I'll tell you this. We made a move from one town to another and I went from Catholic school to public school and that's where the struggle really began. I had a hard time fitting in and just dealt with a lot of bullying and exclusion. And I let it and notice, I said I let it define who I was and who I wasn't and I just got in my own way. So, by going through years of therapy and delving into this health help world, I really learned how to love myself, be happy with who I was, know my worth and have the confidence to go after what I want in life. And that's really what I help people do, only saving them a lot more time, because a lot of that didn't happen until I was in my late 30s.
Hank:
I see. So then, basically, when you became aware that these things that had happened to you were things that you allowed to happen to you, basically, you were things that you allowed to happen to you.
Nikki :
Basically, I allowed, yeah, I basically took the suggestions which you know, when we talk about hypnotherapy, that's what that is. It's you accept a suggestion as something that's true without questioning it. So all of those suggestions from the time I could still see being on the playground with what don't you get, we don't want to play with you, get away. And it's taking that as oh, I don't belong, I don't fit in, and then looking for evidence to support that. And that's really what we do. We, as humans, want to be right. So once we start believing something, we start to look for evidence that it's true and we build a really strong case, and it's usually to our detriment.
Hank:
I've heard people define fear as false evidence appearing real. If you turn it into an acronym, false evidence appearing real, and it sounds like that's what we're applying here.
Nikki :
We are, yes, and one of my mentors says fear is false education appearing real. And that goes back to those suggestions. We take a lot of what is said to us, especially when we're young, as the word of the Lord like. This is the way it is, and then we build a life around that the life around that.
Hank:
Well, you know, we look back on our own experiences and we see certain things that we can put into perspective now but were a little bit harder when we were children. And there's those teachers really who never should have been educators or should never have been allowed near children. And I actually had a third grade teacher tell me you're never going to amount to anything in your whole life. And you know, being stubborn and contrary like I was, I mean I internalized that and said, yeah, that's a lot of BS, I'll show you. But actually then, as the years went by, I showed myself. I didn't show her, you know, because once I reached a point where I realized it didn't matter to me whether she was alive or had left the planet, you know, yeah.
Nikki :
Wow, that's amazing that she said that to you and I love that you took on that attitude of well, I'll show her and you really showed yourself. And there's people who will do that. There's people who will take what's been handed to them, what's been said to them, and they'll essentially turn lemons into lemonade and they'll go off and have this success. And then there's another group of people who really take it to heart and then they'll let it stick for a long time.
Hank:
I'm sure there were a lot of things in those formative years that I did take to heart, that took some time to unravel, and probably there's quite a few that I'm still unraveling, even with all of the gray that I've got these days.
Nikki :
Oh, I'm still unraveling things. Yeah, we're always in process.
Hank:
Exactly what would you say is one of the most important lessons you ever learned in your life.
Nikki :
Question everything. That was one of the most important lessons. There were many things that were said and I took it very literally. Like I said, this is the truth, this is the way that life is. Like I said, this is the truth. This is the way that life is.
Nikki :
One example I'll share is somebody had said to me that when you have children, your life is over. It's no longer about you, it's all about the kids. And my mind went I've got to figure out who I am and what I want before I could have children. Kids how could my life be over when I feel like it hasn't even begun? That was the beginning of it.
Nikki :
And then there was lots of stories that were interwoven and built around that and so taking a long time to figure out who I am and what I want to do in this world. Like I said, it didn't come to my late 30s. And then finally, 40, making a big leap the kids didn't happen. And then, finally, 40, making a big leap the kids didn't happen. Not to sound like I'm blaming anything, but just to give a tangible example of how, when we take something as truth and we don't stop to question it and don't stop to say does it have to be this or that? Can we live in this and, and how else can this look? So that's that's what I want to share with people is question everything and create your own empowering stories.
Hank:
Right. So if you don't like or agree with the story you've lived up to this point just rewrite it.
Nikki :
Yeah, rewrite it. You know, one question I love to ask is what's another option or what's another interpretation of this story and what's another and what's be this way and nothing else is possible. When you start giving yourself other interpretations, you could start to see other possibilities that are out there, and there are many.
Hank:
Yes, there are. I had somebody tell me once that if you feel stuck or stymied with something, there's a way to trick your mind by saying to yourself I don't know what the answer is, but if I did, it would be this yes, and come up with several alternatives.
Nikki :
Oh yeah, I actually use that with clients, when they tell me I ask a question and they say I don't know. And I'll say well, I know you don't know, but if you did, what would it be? And suddenly they have an answer.
Hank:
There you go, because I guess it takes the pressure off to feel like you're absolutely knowing and that instead you are trying it on.
Nikki :
Yes, yeah, yeah.
Hank:
You know, a lot of people struggle, struggle I'm struggling right now. A lot of people struggle with something we call imposter syndrome, and most of us have been through it at one time or another, and I keep hearing about people dealing with it, and most of the people that I run into who are occasionally dealing with it are amazingly competent, educated, smart and competent people. What would you say imposter syndrome really is, and if you would share a couple of techniques of how to overcome it?
Nikki :
Sure, yeah. And I will say that imposter syndrome is something I have struggled with and sometimes I still catch myself, I still notice it. The key is having that awareness. You know, that's really what just kind of snaps us, sure, and doubting yourself despite evidence of success. So, some, if you notice these, I'll give you a couple of characteristics that you'll notice and that will help you to understand that, oh, I might be struggling from this imposter syndrome, to understand that, oh, I might be struggling from this imposter syndrome, downplaying your successes and wins, like minimizing those successes, and say, oh, that book I wrote, oh, that's not a big deal, it wasn't a bestseller anyway.
Nikki :
That would be an example of a behavior of someone with imposter syndrome Feeling like you need more certifications because you don't know enough yet, and it's always staying in that learning mode versus doing Now. Learning is important and we always want to be learning. But it's when you stay stuck in that and then you don't put yourself out there that that could be imposter syndrome. That's in your way. And perfectionism is another behavior where the bar is so high that it's just never enough and then you end up not growing into the potential that you have.
Hank:
So that's what imposter syndrome can look like A friend of mine always talks about the importance of taking imperfect action, because if you wait until everything is perfect, you're just always going to be paralyzed and never take action. And you know, going back just for a second, to imposter syndrome I'm forgetting the name, I don't know if you'd call it a syndrome, but there's some kind of a phenomenon that the people who would have the imposter syndrome would be highly intelligent, rational and deeply thinking people. But this syndrome that I'm trying to remember the name of, Is it the Dunning-Kruger effect?
Hank:
What's that?
Nikki :
The Dunning-Kruger effect.
Hank:
It's the Dunning-Kruger effect, that's it. Those who are very you know I don't want to say not intelligent, but those who are just, you know, coasting by in life, they don't realize that that's how they are. They think that's great and that everybody is that way. So yeah, the imposter syndrome comes from deeply thinking people usually.
Nikki :
Yes, definitely it's another characteristic. Yeah, those deep thinkers, it's another characteristic.
Hank:
Yeah, those deep thinkers. Yeah Well, Nikki, you wrote your own book, the Calm Method.
Nikki :
Please tell us a little bit about what the Calm Method is and a little bit about the book.
Nikki :
Yeah, I'd love to, and this will answer the second part of your question of how can people stop imposter syndrome or eliminate it, and the Calm Method is one such tool.
Nikki :
So the calm method was an inspired idea that came from a workshop I was supposed to be doing on money mindset in sales for a jewelry company, and it was two days before the workshop that the woman called me up and said this is no longer an appropriate topic. It was March 2020 and the world had just shut down. She goes can you do something to help these women manage their emotions, because there's such uncertainty right now? And I said, sure, no problem. And I went to bed with the intention that I would wake up with the just right idea, because I had two days to replan everything and I saw the word calm in my mind, and each letter stood for a step, for how to go from that chaos in your mind to a place of calm and confidence so that you can take inspired action and feel empowered to do so. So that's how the calm method came about, and I can go through very high level each of the four steps if you'd like.
Hank:
Sure, tell us about those steps and what the acronym stands for.
Nikki :
Sure, absolutely so. The C in calm is to become conscious of how you're feeling. Sometimes we've got a million thoughts in our mind that we don't know exactly what's going on in there. But if we stop and tune in, we know how we feel, even if we just have a sense that we're feeling resistance. So I'll go back and just say that the calm method is something you want to use when you want something to change. You're in a situation or a circumstance and you would prefer it to be different. So the first step is to see conscious of how you're feeling.
Nikki :
The A in calm is to become aware of the thoughts. It's usually thoughts and the stories that we tell ourselves that trigger these emotions. So become aware of them by getting them out of your head and putting them onto paper. So become aware of them by getting them out of your head and putting them onto paper, writing them out. We process things differently when we go from just thinking inside our minds or writing it on paper and then reading them out loud.
Nikki :
Sometimes all you've got to do is read a thought out loud and say well, that's not really true, I didn't really mean that. You know, I'm sure you've done it. I've done that. So it's being like a lawyer and putting those thoughts on trial. Are these facts, or are they beliefs, worries, projections, my own interpretations? So then you move into the third step, the L, which is lean into what else is possible. If you determine that these thoughts are not facts, then what else might be true? And this is where you start to reframe the thoughts. And then the fourth step, the M, is to make a new decision. So, now that you've changed your mind, essentially now what is it you're going to decide to do? And then take that action immediately, before you talk yourself out of it.
Hank:
That's so important to take that action while the feeling is there, while it's hot, Because, yeah, by the next day you'll have all kinds of excuses as to why you should not do it.
Nikki :
Oh yeah, we'll start to doubt and question and talk ourselves out of it.
Hank:
Yeah, Well, you utilize hypnotherapy in your program. What are some of the misconceptions people have about that, and what is hypnotherapy really?
Nikki :
Yes, well, thanks to Hollywood and the news, there's lots of misinterpretation.
Nikki :
Look into my eyes, look into my eyes and watch this swinging pendulum. Yeah, lots of misconceptions that you're going to act like a chicken or bark like a dog, and those are certainly not true. So, really, what hypnosis is is a state. It's a state of mind. It's also called you know when you're in the zone. They use that word in sports. When the players are in the zone, they're very focused and they're relaxed so that they know what their next move is and they can take it with confidence. And so that's what hypnosis is.
Nikki :
Simplified is a state of focused relaxation. And we're all in a state of hypnosis throughout the day, every day. And what that might look like is you're watching your shows on Netflix and somehow five hours went by and you're like, oh my God, where did the time go? And it's, you were in this trance, you were just zoned out watching your shows. Or if you've ever driven somewhere and you arrived and you thought, wow, I'm here already. I don't even remember half the drive because you were just in your mind, thinking about what you were thinking, and your body got you where you were going. So those are examples of how we're in that state every day we're in that state every day.
Hank:
So then, when we're in the state, then if we have a facilitator like yourself to have us focus on really growth-oriented and positive things, am I on the right track?
Nikki :
You are, yes. So when you're in that state, your conscious mind, that logical part of you, is kind of like out to lunch. It's like the guard to the castle is away and your mind is wide open to suggestion. So that's where the hypnotherapist will start to use some talk therapy, not traditional therapy like a psychologist, but basically giving you handpicked suggestions. What are those suggestions that you want given to you? Someone with imposter syndrome? They might want to have the suggestion that I'm capable of anything that I put my mind to. I show up powerfully in the work that I love to do and those suggestions are given and the conscious mind can't reject and say, well, that's not really true now, is it? You know you don't have that anymore and you know there's more to it. But basically you help paint an image of that person, that future version of them that they want to be, so that they are compelled to embody that and behave that way.
Hank:
So that becomes the reality rather than the fear, the false reality. You know, the time has just flown by. Yeah, I've really enjoyed this. I'd like to ask you to share what is the best way that our listeners can get in touch with you if they'd like to explore the calm method or to find out about the other things that you do that can help move them forward.
Nikki :
Well, they're welcome to visit my website. There's a lot of information there which is my name, nikkigangemicom, and they can also reach out to me. They can call me or email as well, and I'm all over social media Instagram, facebook, linkedin either under my name, nikki Gangemi, or my business Mindful Matters.
Hank:
Mindful Matters? Yeah, and the contact information will be in the show notes as well, as this goes out. Mindful Matters, and to our listeners, tune in every Wednesday for the Home Business Success Show here on bizradious. Remember, you can achieve success, freedom and independence in your own home business. I've done it, nikki has done it and you can too. No-transcript.
