Supremely Full Of It Podcast
Let's use our words vol.1
Have you ever wondered why relationships falter, despite all the love and goodwill in the world? In the realm of romance, are there words and phrases that hold the power to make or break us?" These profound questions set the stage for our lively exploration of interpersonal dynamics, red flags, and the complex language of love.
In the first part of our discussion, we confront the unsettling reality of red flags in marriages and the hard decisions they often necessitate. A listener named Andrea throws a curveball our way, challenging us to reevaluate our views on the readiness of individuals to leave relationships today. Fasten your seatbelts as we traverse the often-complicated terrain of love, commitment, and the sheer will it takes to keep a marriage thriving. We then turn our attention to the weight of our words in relationships, highlighting how seemingly innocuous phrases can leave deep scars. We not only uncover the dire effects of utterances like "you don't deserve me" and "stop asking if I'm okay," but also provide healthier alternatives to promote open, respectful dialogue.
Our deep dive continues with an analysis of how to approach difficult conversations without resorting to harmful language, the often murky waters of parenting and relationship dynamics, and the insidious nature of gaslighting language. In a bid to arm you with the tools to navigate these challenges, we provide insights on how to steer clear of damaging conversations, utilize respectful language, and identify manipulative language. We wrap up with a reminder about the power of positivity and reflection in communication, urging you to embrace these principles in your everyday interactions. So, join us on this insightful journey, expect a few laughs, and be prepared to see relationships in a whole new light.
Have you ever wondered why relationships falter, despite all the love and goodwill in the world? In the realm of romance, are there words and phrases that hold the power to make or break us?" These profound questions set the stage for our lively exploration of interpersonal dynamics, red flags, and the complex language of love.
In the first part of our discussion, we confront the unsettling reality of red flags in marriages and the hard decisions they often necessitate. A listener named Andrea throws a curveball our way, challenging us to reevaluate our views on the readiness of individuals to leave relationships today. Fasten your seatbelts as we traverse the often-complicated terrain of love, commitment, and the sheer will it takes to keep a marriage thriving. We then turn our attention to the weight of our words in relationships, highlighting how seemingly innocuous phrases can leave deep scars. We not only uncover the dire effects of utterances like "you don't deserve me" and "stop asking if I'm okay," but also provide healthier alternatives to promote open, respectful dialogue.
Our deep dive continues with an analysis of how to approach difficult conversations without resorting to harmful language, the often murky waters of parenting and relationship dynamics, and the insidious nature of gaslighting language. In a bid to arm you with the tools to navigate these challenges, we provide insights on how to steer clear of damaging conversations, utilize respectful language, and identify manipulative language. We wrap up with a reminder about the power of positivity and reflection in communication, urging you to embrace these principles in your everyday interactions. So, join us on this insightful journey, expect a few laughs, and be prepared to see relationships in a whole new light.
I be full of it.
Speaker 1:Ha, ha yeah.
Speaker 2:What a new world I be.
Speaker 3:Did you just fart or something? I was grunting, okay. It comes with the age, I guess.
Speaker 2:I mean, everything hurts sometime.
Speaker 3:Say your body got to warm up sometime.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you need a little oil to put in the joints. You feel me?
Speaker 3:Supreme Fuller podcast. Back with another episode, man, yes.
Speaker 2:Yes, they call me Dyer, boy nine.
Speaker 3:We got an email man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what it do.
Speaker 3:Let's just get straight to the show. What it do so this email comes from a person named Andrea.
Speaker 2:What it do.
Speaker 3:Andrea. She says this is Andrea. Came across your reel on Facebook about red flags.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:I think you sound crazy. Oh yeah, Supreme Fuller podcast on all social media. Straight to it. She says you said we shouldn't be quick to walk away from marriages when we see red flags.
Speaker 3:You did say that Because they came up in 20, 30 or even 50 year marriages. The reason why women didn't walk away from those marriages? Because back then they were dependent on the man, so they had to deal with the red flags. In today's world we don't have to deal with that BS, so we are quick to smarten up and leave, and she throws a little shade. Also, I think that shirt you had on in that reel was ugly. Wow, I like that shirt, man. Wow, that was my venom shirt. By the way, you know what I'm saying. The two different purples, yeah.
Speaker 2:The shirt was fire, bro.
Speaker 3:She ain't got no style, whatever.
Speaker 2:I can say this Thanks for the email, though I can say this she did what she was supposed to do. What was she supposed to do? Most of the time, when you get into an argument with a female, what do they do, bro? They turn to personal attacks. Yeah.
Speaker 3:If you can't defeat the argument, what else can you do? What is your thoughts on her email?
Speaker 2:I don't think her email is rooted in any fact whatsoever.
Speaker 3:You said it.
Speaker 2:You can go back many years, even before my lifetime, or even a little after, bro. In my opinion, it's not about smarten up and leaving. In my opinion, it's more so about your choices.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I don't think some of the things that you picked them.
Speaker 3:You always say that.
Speaker 2:You picked them and to say that they dealt with them because they were dependent on me and that's why they did that. I don't know. I think back in the day, love was really love back then though. Okay, and that's how I see that man, because people leave for whatever reason nowadays, bro.
Speaker 3:I think people didn't leave as fast as they do now, because they actually tried.
Speaker 2:Put some effort into it, yeah.
Speaker 3:I think they wasn't so quick to be like. Well, on to the next one. I could get somebody else.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, we all think I'll bounce back, I'll find somebody different. But do you even want to do that though? That's the thing, and I think back then people felt more they wanted to be a part of something more. Nowadays, we're so independent that we don't care about being a part of anything, of building anything, growing anything, so that's why we're so quick to walk away. That's just my thought.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I ain't got nothing to follow it, All right thanks for the email, though, man. I hope you follow us on Facebook. Yeah yeah, keep checking out Dyer's wardrobe All right, let's get into it bro.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:All right, check this out. We all get into arguments and relationships, right, right, and sometimes we say things that you may not have wanted to say, or maybe you did, right, all right. So have you ever just sat back and thought about, like dang, I shouldn't have said that?
Speaker 3:It crossed my mind.
Speaker 1:It has.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, okay. So I got a list of some things that people say, some phrases, okay, and it says that people shouldn't say, and it also gives an alternative of what you can say in replace of what you shouldn't say. Okay, and then you let me know how you feel about it, if it's something you shouldn't say or you should, or if it's a good thought to rearrange what you're saying. All right, all right, phrase number one you don't deserve me.
Speaker 3:I'm sad that I'm a two I mean.
Speaker 2:but do you think it's a bad phrase?
Speaker 3:to say to somebody Don't deserve me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't deserve me.
Speaker 1:If they ain't holding, they wait Okay.
Speaker 3:Oh boy, this is going to be a good episode.
Speaker 2:Okay, so all right. So the information that is given about this phrase right? It says that this language reflects contempt, communicates to your partner that you believe that they are less than you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they hold, they wait.
Speaker 2:These are jokes people, amen. These are jokes, people. And it says, which can damage their self-esteem.
Speaker 3:Right, okay, so, but at the same time, it is called self-esteem, like get yourself together.
Speaker 2:Because you ain't holding your weight.
Speaker 3:It's the self of your mother.
Speaker 1:for yourself, Go ahead bro, hey bro, that's good, that's good, okay, good, Good.
Speaker 2:So it says that, okay, I'm going to give you an example. It says, instead of saying it, that way, you're going out and not an alternative, but a similar way of doing the wrong thing. It says the example is you're lucky that I even put up with you. Wait, that's alternative. No, no, that's another way of saying you don't deserve me, which is saying you're lucky that I even put up with you.
Speaker 3:Well, like Kanye said you lucky I got, like me, even noticed you. Kanye said that. I said that I'm going to say that again. You look here, God, like me, even noticed you. Yeah man.
Speaker 2:So this is the alternative. This is what you should say. This is what you should. Yeah, it says what you should say instead. Okay, I'm struggling to see us as partners right now, or I'm viewing you as less valuable than me, and I need to work on it and then state how you feel in a calm and honest way, but doesn't that take the accountability off of them, off of the other person, if you're the one struggling seeing?
Speaker 1:something.
Speaker 3:And, and if you say that first part again.
Speaker 2:I'm struggling to see us as partners right now, that part right there, when you say that to yeah they ain't listening to nothing else.
Speaker 3:you're saying Right all they hear is oh, so you wanna break up?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's over, yeah, and then to say I'm viewing you as less valuable than me, right? I would never say that either. Exactly, so that don't really do nothing so this alternative is actually just like the first.
Speaker 3:Yeah, well, I like the first part more, to be honest with you.
Speaker 2:You don't deserve me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm just lucky to have me here I put up with you. Not that part, you don't deserve me, part that can come across like when I say I'm joking, okay, maybe.
Speaker 2:But is it joking when you say it during an argument?
Speaker 3:Well, me, the type of person that I am. Even when I argue, I still like to lighten the mood up.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:So it could be, you know, depending on how the mood strikes me, but with that light and the mood, though, saying you don't deserve me. It was like my mood, okay, okay, next one, all right.
Speaker 2:You finna get some emails.
Speaker 3:Hey man, I'm shining right there, oh man.
Speaker 2:All right. The next one is stop asking if I'm okay. Everything is fine when it isn't so. The phrase is you shouldn't say stop asking me if I'm okay. That's, if somebody is asking you, are you okay, yeah, so don't say stop asking me if I'm okay.
Speaker 3:It depends on the situation, okay, because, like, say, say you're, say somebody has died that you know, and somebody asks you, I mean it's a dumb question to ask, but are you okay, right? Like, why would you ask me that G? Don't ask me, am I okay? My homie just died, my so-and-so just died? Don't ask me that, right.
Speaker 2:But if that's the case, they know that something is wrong with you, so they don't need an actual response from you.
Speaker 3:But they don't.
Speaker 2:They don't. That's a. If they say are you okay and they know somebody just died, they're not looking for you to explain anything.
Speaker 3:Then what you looking for then?
Speaker 2:Just for you to say, just for them to get reassurance that you okay, yeah, I'm cool or I'm not, or if you want to talk or not, but if you having an argument, or you going through something with somebody you with Right and they ask you are you okay, right?
Speaker 2:You shouldn't? It's saying you shouldn't say that, you shouldn't say stop asking me, are you okay? Okay, what should you say? Well, I'm going to tell you this. First, it says that this is passive, aggressive language. It keeps partners from talking about their problems in a direct and open way. This makes it difficult to resolve conflict and can make both parties feel insecure.
Speaker 3:See, the problem with that is you can ask a person all day long. As a matter of fact, I'm going to give you an example.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:I had a friend. This was years ago. He told me that he knew something was wrong with his girl, right.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:And he kept asking her all day what was wrong, what was wrong, what was wrong? And she kept saying nothing.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:And then later on that night he sent me this whole test message of her saying I find it funny that you know something's wrong with me, but you've never tried to figure out what was wrong with me.
Speaker 2:Now I can see that being a problem, exactly, but it's saying that the person that you are asking shouldn't say like you said she said nothing, which that would be the same thing as saying stop asking me if I'm okay. Right, because what this is telling you is what you should say, instead of saying nothing. Or stop asking me if I'm okay is that I'm really upset, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. So it says instead of ignoring your problems, take some time to face and reflect on them. So, instead of saying nothing, you should say yeah, something is wrong, I'm just not ready to talk about it yet.
Speaker 3:But then the other person would be like then what's wrong with you, bro? Like they still gonna push you.
Speaker 2:But they shouldn't, though, that's where yeah, they shouldn't. Yeah, they shouldn't though.
Speaker 3:But okay, but why? If a person knows something is wrong with you and you know that they know there's something wrong with you? There's something wrong with you. Why do you keep saying nothing?
Speaker 2:That's why they say that you shouldn't use it.
Speaker 3:So my logic is you keep telling me nothing. Let it be nothing. Yeah, yeah, I feel you. I'm the same way.
Speaker 2:Let it be nothing.
Speaker 3:So when you do come talking to me, the first thing I'm gonna say is I thought nothing was wrong with you, so you lying to me, so I shouldn't believe nothing you say. From here on out, I'm gonna be toxic, I'm a gas light no, what's the next?
Speaker 2:one, bro. The emails is like a flood bro. What's the next?
Speaker 3:one. Nah, it's just. You said that it's easier than you think. Well, the hard part is to sit back and reflect on what's wrong, and the easy part is just to say nothing. If you gonna be in a relationship that you actually want, everything is not gonna be easy. As a matter of fact, if it's somebody that you really wanna be with, most of the time it's gonna be hard because they're gonna challenge you to change. It's like you gonna challenge them to change. Yeah, big facts.
Speaker 2:That's all I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, the next one, I'm ready. You're pathetic. Ouch, yeah, you're pathetic.
Speaker 3:Nah, you shouldn't say that.
Speaker 2:And you know other people use other terms. You know you suck, you know you bad, blah, blah, blah, Just like your daddy, ooh, you act just like your mama.
Speaker 3:What's when you think hurt the most? You act like your mama or you act like your daddy?
Speaker 2:Probably you act like your daddy in most cases. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:In some cases Okay, you're pathetic. Okay, what should you say? Okay, you're not performing to the quality.
Speaker 2:What you should say is I don't like how you handled that situation. Express what they did that you didn't like and why I bothered you.
Speaker 3:You, but oh, that just sounds boring to me. You just want to fight, bro. No, no, no. You can't go from your pathetic to the soft version of that is what you just said.
Speaker 2:Say this instead I don't like the way you handle that situation.
Speaker 3:Pathetic is like, like you said, like you not paying child support, but you got every pair of Jordans. That's pathetic in some degree.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:But to your example, though you wouldn't go to that person and say that you're pathetic, because that's what they do. You would say hey, I really don't like the way how you can walk around in Jordans and your son ain't got none.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but okay, this is sad, but it's the truth. Some people you just got to talk to them like that, maybe like real talk. I worked at a job and this supervisor, like he would go out for everybody and nobody said nothing to him. And then when I transferred to his department, since I'm new, he comes up to me and goes off on me. I wait till he go in his office because I want everybody here. I go in his office. We exchange words and I tell him, like yo, I don't need this job. I found this job. I could find another one that was mixed in between the MFers and the A's and all this other stuff.
Speaker 3:From that day forward we was cool.
Speaker 2:But, to be fair, that's a conversation between two guys, though, as we talked about. How would your girl accept a conversation like that though?
Speaker 3:I wouldn't take that to her unless she brought it to me first, because I'm a firm believer. If you're talking to somebody and you tell them how they are and they don't receive it, then you show them what they are, you start acting like them, talking like them, and if they don't like the way that you acting towards them, then they don't like themselves.
Speaker 2:I can say, with that conversation with your boss man, that went well, because when you said I don't need this job, it would pop through his mind and was like eh, this guy might actually hurt me.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying I'm just when there's a low level.
Speaker 2:threat of violence. Bro, then it's kind of changed a little bit when you talk, but it don't happen like that in relationships, because a lot of women don't believe that that is a thing when it comes to them, which means the violence part.
Speaker 3:Okay, but what if you say I don't need this relationship? I found you, I found somebody else, but that doesn't mean violence though.
Speaker 2:No, I know that. Not to them. No, but I'm just saying a lot of things don't mean violence to them. You could literally say I'm going to punch you on the eye. They go, do it then I bet you won't. They get to doing all of this, and you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Do it, then they don't care bro, okay, okay. What's the equivalent to saying you, pathetic again.
Speaker 2:I don't like the way you handle that situation.
Speaker 3:Okay, what if they ask you, okay, how should I handle it? And then you'd be like I don't know, I just didn't like the way that you did it.
Speaker 2:Then you shouldn't have said nothing in the first place. You should have kept your mouth shut. Now you just made yourself look dumb.
Speaker 3:But isn't it possible to know how something made you feel, but you can't explain it?
Speaker 2:Keep your mouth shut. The emails come on for you. Next, you have to keep your mouth shut. If you can't explain why you feel the way you feel, then you shouldn't say a thing, because how can you explain it to me when you don't understand it yourself?
Speaker 3:Okay, if they can express how they feel, and you asked them, okay, what you want me to do and they don't have an answer for that, then what? I still think you should keep your mouth shut. So you're saying the person got to give you the problem and the answer yes, okay, next question. Yes, bro.
Speaker 1:Tough crowd.
Speaker 2:The thing is, man, you can complain about everything, but if you never have a solution on how to fix the complaint, then what are we complaining? Then you're just complaining, bro. I feel you. If you say I don't like you stepping to the right, I'm like, okay, but that's cool. What do you want me to do? You can't say I don't know. You need to tell me to step to the left, and then I will.
Speaker 3:They may not know the solution, but they know how it made them feel.
Speaker 2:Feelings, feelings. Feelings are not fact, but true.
Speaker 3:But aren't you the same person who says that you have to? What did you say you have to? You didn't say validate their feelings, did you? Next question how much did it shut up?
Speaker 2:on that one.
Speaker 3:That didn't hit me.
Speaker 2:All right, go ahead. Yeah, so the next one. I hate you.
Speaker 3:Some people say that in a joking way.
Speaker 2:I can see that being a joke, but in a heated argument. That ain't a joke. Ain't nobody going to perceive that as a joke.
Speaker 3:I mean it depends on the, it depends on your relationship, because, like you could say that I hate you and then, based off of the y'all relationship, that could just mean you get on my nerves.
Speaker 2:Then those are the words you should use, then.
Speaker 3:I feel you, but you know how we use words that don't belong. Come on now, bro. Come on, it happens All right. But yeah, hate is a strong word. It is so okay. What should you say?
Speaker 2:Well, hold on. I do like what this says right here, though. It overgeneralizes monetary feelings and create insecurity, even in the good moments. Your partner may think do they really love me right now if they said they hated me last week? And that makes sense? True.
Speaker 3:But love is like you said in the last part. I'm paraphrasing right now but love comes in during the hard time. So just because I hate you at in this moment, don't mean I stopped loving you but we just have a love hate relationship. Stop. I think this is my toxic episode. We need to have more of these bro, we need to have more of these.
Speaker 1:Hey, you are clowning.
Speaker 2:But some would argue though if you love me, you wouldn't have said it in the first place.
Speaker 3:Okay, if you love a person, you wouldn't do half of stuff that you do, so tit for tat. No, what I'm saying is I have four nights.
Speaker 1:Hey bro, oh that's a good one, bro, oh my.
Speaker 2:God bro, hey bro, this is gonna be the most played episode we have watch.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying, bro, I don't think I mean, that's one of the things that you go back and be like. You know what I apologize. You know I don't hate you, you just get on my nerves that's all.
Speaker 2:It happens, but-.
Speaker 1:Yeah, love, hate.
Speaker 2:It's what you should say instead, is it's hard for me to be around you right now?
Speaker 3:See, when you say that it's hard for me to be around you right now. They not gonna hear the right now part. They just gonna say, oh, you don't wanna be around me but leave it hey, but some of these but you can tell Leave prick leave.
Speaker 2:Some of these you can tell is wrote by somebody who ain't never been with nobody in there. Exactly. You know what I'm saying. Now I do understand. Take a minute to calm down before you say something untrue, or you don't wanna say.
Speaker 3:Right, I thought she was gonna say I have a strong disdain for you.
Speaker 1:I thought she was gonna say I don't even know if that word and a lot of people's vocabulary, brother.
Speaker 3:All right, that was cool, that was cool, that's a good one.
Speaker 2:That was cool, when you shouldn't say number five. How many is it Eight?
Speaker 3:Okay, cool, cool.
Speaker 2:You're a bad parent.
Speaker 3:Is it both of them kids? Both of their kids? Is this the mother and the father or the guys' kids, and the woman is the girlfriend or the girl's kids. Let's do the worst one, so that's the woman with the kids and the guy with no kids.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, that's the worst one. That's the worst one.
Speaker 3:Yes, Ouch go ahead, that's.
Speaker 2:Ouch, that's the worst one, bro, go ahead. The reason why I say it is the worst one is because there's two different expectations on the other side. When you have a woman with kids, to some degree you have responsibility to take care of those kids and our chores. That's true. But on the other hand, if the guy has the kids, he doesn't expect the girl he's with to do anything financially for those kids True or to even have to worry about disciplining our authority because he's gonna do it. So it's easier, in my opinion, on a guy with kids versus a woman with kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so. That's the worst one.
Speaker 3:Okay, so the man with no kids tells the woman with kids that she's a bad parent, right? Let me hear what you should say first.
Speaker 2:Okay, what they say you should say is I think this situation is triggering issues from your past. How can we work through them together and then respectfully acknowledge areas of sensitivity and communicate in a way that doesn't feel like an attack on their character?
Speaker 3:See, I think do you think we put everything that's bad? People will pass traumas and there was an issue back in the day, back in their childhood, that they didn't deal with. That's why they are the way that they are now. Or could people just be bad people? It?
Speaker 2:could be both. Yeah, it could be both, but I think some people that you may consider being bad parents. It may just be a lack of information.
Speaker 3:Or a lack of well, not a lack, but a difference in parenting.
Speaker 2:You don't know what bad parenting or bad parenting is to me, bro. It was a bad parenting Did you see that video when that dude and his girl was at Sam's club shopping.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 2:She put out a TikTok video and said if your kids ain't eating like this, you're not a good parent. But everything that was on their cart was all junk food.
Speaker 3:Now I see that.
Speaker 2:It was all Tahees and Treats chips candy snacks.
Speaker 3:No, I understand that, but I'm just saying Tahees and treats.
Speaker 2:They was blowing her up in the comments too, saying where's the actual food? Yeah, but somebody said that she's their bad parents. But it also could be lack of information. Maybe they can't cook.
Speaker 3:But Okay, what was in the cart?
Speaker 1:again, you said junk food, all junk food.
Speaker 2:If she can't cook and this ain't a normal cart she's at Sam's club with the Dolly joint that you put TVs on.
Speaker 3:Well, but okay, you said she probably can't cook. What does her cooking got to do with buying cupcakes and Twinkies If she can't cook? I need to see some TV dinners. Some hungry man, some piece of roll bags, roman noodles, something. Yeah, no actual food. Okay, that's bad parents to you, okay.
Speaker 2:Now, bad parenting. To me, though, isn't the fact that Bad parenting can also be a lack of knowledge, is what I'm saying? I'm not saying it's always because of somebody doing something they shouldn't do as a parent.
Speaker 3:If, if the guy had okay, does the guy have the right to tell her that she's a bad parent?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a good question, because he ain't got no kids, right, um, I think that's why you shouldn't say it that way, but do but do he have the right to say it though? I'm kind of torn with that because I'm thinking about it if I had put myself in that situation. But in some cases they do got the right to say it. Yeah, they do have.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:The reason why they have the right is because you opened them up to your family. You brought them in. You want this man to be a part of your family. So unless you think he's just going to come in and not say nothing to your kids, then he has the right to say yes, you are a bad parent.
Speaker 2:But what if she calls him a bad parent, since he is there now because he don't have the knowledge on how to take care of kids? That could be the case too, and she could say you're the bad parent.
Speaker 3:They ain't my kids. No, okay, okay, ask me that question. Oh bro, ask me that question you. Wow bro, I'm just enjoying myself.
Speaker 2:I'm saying what if she said he was the bad parent because he don't have any kids, he doesn't have experience? Okay, and that's where I say just because somebody say you a bad parent doesn't mean you're doing anything like damaging to the kids or neglectful. It can be a lack of information.
Speaker 3:That only applies if you have one kid. What you mean? If you got two kids, everything wrong, you deal with the first one, don't deal with the second one. Yeah, but you learn new stuff, yeah, they always say the first kid is the test dummy, right, the second one wait, I just made that up. That's a real thing, yeah, wow.
Speaker 1:Okay, Well, parents is trash ain't they.
Speaker 3:So, I literally just made that up. God, that's bad. So, if you know, this didn't work with the first child. The second child should not have to deal with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you still may do something similar because it's a different kid.
Speaker 3:At the end of the day, he or she is allowed to say you a bad parent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm supposed to do it together and this is why it's say. What you should say instead is how can we work through this together to a better parent?
Speaker 3:See, that's hard. That's hard because it would take a special person Right, because at the end of the day, they always got that these are my kids. You don't understand, these are my kids. Well, I can say I've heard a man and I want to say that what you heard, a man say it too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's different.
Speaker 3:I'm going to tell you how. He was trying to punch the kids and she felt it was too severe and he was like well, you don't understand, because these are not your kids At the end of the day, these are my kids, so I have to set the tone of how they're going to act. And she didn't agree with that because she thought the punishment was too severe. But he didn't.
Speaker 2:I think he should have said it like this I'm their father. I made a decision and that's what we're sticking with. I would never use the phrase these are my kids because at some point you're going to want that other person to view your kids as their own. That's true.
Speaker 3:I think if y'all live together and both of y'all are supporting the kids, it's not my kids anymore. You could either say the kids or our kids.
Speaker 2:And you don't realize that using that terminology, all you're doing is putting in your kids' minds the separation they know who they can disrespect and who they can't disrespect.
Speaker 3:Because my thing is you can't say these are my kids when I don't do something that you don't agree with. But there are kids when you want me to buy some stuff.
Speaker 2:I remember when I got remember my wife got married, bro, one of my kids did something like they did something to disrespect her or whatever. I get a phone call. I need you to do XYZ to them when you get home. You know what I said.
Speaker 1:I said what do you mean?
Speaker 2:No, she's like what you mean. No, I said I'm not doing anything when I get home. I said it should be dealt with before I get there. If I trust you with my kids when I'm not there, I trust that you can handle them while I'm gone. You need to deal with them the same way I would, even if you had to ask me what do you think I should do as a punishment. I don't care, but you need to do it so that they can learn to respect you. They didn't disrespect me, they disrespected you. I feel that. And then I'm still going to come home and say don't disrespect my wife, because I'll floor you. I feel that, okay, all right. Next one number six. You're being crazy, go ahead. Have you used that All the time?
Speaker 3:You use it all the time, Not all the time, but I don't see a problem saying it though. Okay.
Speaker 2:Some women may use I don't know they said another way of saying something like you're crazy, is you're delirious? Or, coming from a woman, you're sensitive. This language manipulates or twist reality with the intent of making your partner doubt themselves. It's called gaslight and it undermines their perception of reality.
Speaker 3:So we are replacing one name with another name. That's like saying we're going to replace goofy with unintelligent.
Speaker 2:Now what they're saying is, when you use these words like you're sensitive or goofy, or sensitive or crazy or even goofy they're saying that when you use those terms, you are gaslighting them, trying to say that the feelings that they have aren't real.
Speaker 3:Okay, is it possible that the feelings that you have are real, but they're real because you overreact them. They're real to you because how you're taking it and you're misunderstanding what a person is saying.
Speaker 2:It's possible, yeah, but don't use those words like crazy sensitive or anything like that You're misunderstanding me. That's a good one.
Speaker 3:Okay, what if a person says something to you and you say you sound stupid. Is that the same thing? Your gaslighting, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because in their mind, what they're saying isn't stupid.
Speaker 3:I have a problem with this one. Those are things just because they feel something that is valid. But just because you feel something doesn't mean that it's true.
Speaker 2:You're absolutely right. But what it's saying is saying those words ain't gonna do anything but make it worse.
Speaker 3:So, Conn, how I see it is.
Speaker 2:So how would you take it if you were expressing to your girl how you felt about a situation, right? And she says man, you just being sensitive, Now she's gaslighting you, bro. No, she's not.
Speaker 3:No, she's not. No, she's not, is she not?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:What's she doing?
Speaker 2:there she trying to tell you that the feeling that you have is dumb. No, I don't take it that way. How do?
Speaker 3:you take it, I take it that it's keep that same energy.
Speaker 2:I mean no, I feel you you like to get back you, petty like I am, that's how. I feel I don't understand that, but I'm just saying that's essentially what she's doing, though, but I don't see.
Speaker 3:But I don't look at it that way, right, right, I look at it as whatever you say to me, I get to say, right back, I should be able to say it right back to you. Yeah, and since you said it, it shouldn't faze you.
Speaker 2:Exactly, I understand that part, but it doesn't negate the fact of what she's actually using the terminology for.
Speaker 3:But okay, you could use it all you want, but does it work? That's the thing. It may not work against you, that's all this is Does it work.
Speaker 2:It may not work against you, but it may work up against a guy that ain't as thick skinned as you. Man, I need to get back, and he may be in jail somewhere because he didn't doubt it, or I one time.
Speaker 3:I feel you All right If I express how I felt and my girl said that I was sensitive one. Okay, Not me, just anybody. Any male, no one. The state of our culture as far as men go. Do you think that man will open up to her anymore?
Speaker 2:Probably not. No, okay, probably not. But that also means he would never be able to express the way he feel about anything she does, and if you get to that point, the relationship is probably over.
Speaker 3:I think if it's a man or the woman. If every time you try to express yourself, you meet some type of pushback when you're just expressing yourself, then it's a problem. I feel, you If you can't take criticism or if you have the whole candle bite, tell me nothing attitude. You shouldn't be in a relationship. That's just my thinking.
Speaker 2:So it says what you should say instead of saying you're crazy. I think your response to this situation is making it worse.
Speaker 3:Okay, then they will come back. How do you want me to respond? Then you have to say something.
Speaker 2:According to you, you do, you do, okay, so you can't say I'm doing something making it worse without telling me how to make it better. Man, I feel you you got to have a response. I feel you we got two left. Okay, the next one is you're so needy.
Speaker 3:I need to hear the other one.
Speaker 2:When you which one.
Speaker 3:Like the other way of saying it.
Speaker 2:It say when you use language that says your partner is annoying, smothering or generally bothering you, it suggests that their needs don't matter. Now what you should say is I hear that you want my attention, but I'm feeling suffocated and I need some space I would delete. Suffocated.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm about to say. All they want to hear is bruh, this is the way that they tell you not to say it sounds better than the way that they say that you should say it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would take suffocated out of there bro.
Speaker 3:Just say it, bruh, you needy like.
Speaker 2:No, but it's saying I hear that you need my attention, so you're still making them know that you understand that they need something from you, which I think that's good. I just don't like the suffocating part and I don't like give me some space.
Speaker 3:I would say, give me a minute but then some we just going to be real. Some people going to be like oh so I got a scheduled time with you now. Like come on, bruh. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean everybody's. Some people going to have a rebuttal to it?
Speaker 3:man, give me 50 feet, then bruh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you going to put a.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I feel you, bruh, I feel you All right, say what does needy stand mean again?
Speaker 2:It's telling your partner that you are knowing or smothering or bothering them.
Speaker 3:I don't think telling somebody that you needy is annoying. Your kids are needy. Are they annoying to you? Yes, that's the question. Yes, go ahead. Bruh, you just killed my whole argument. You said it quit. Yes, yes, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy daddy, mommy, mama, mama, mama.
Speaker 3:But you know that comes with the territory, though it does.
Speaker 2:So you signed up for it. It does, but I would never tell them that they needy or nothing like that, though.
Speaker 3:So why are you telling your name that? I would just so your daddy that? So some people do, man. I think they only say that when they trying to play 2K or go out with their friends or something like that, and they, girls, say we don't spend enough time together.
Speaker 2:But there's some guys that want more attention than women, though, and they may go to their girl and say they want some attention, but I can hear females saying that a guy is needy more than a guy say a female is needy. They say that again. I can see a female saying a guy is needy more than a man saying his girl is needy.
Speaker 3:Isn't that okay? Would you put that in the category of a woman calling a man sensitive? Yeah, if you say like yo, you ain't showing me enough attention.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, so she needs some attention. But then Susan up the street, you know what I'm saying. She free every Wednesday night, $40. And she ain't got no problem showing attention. Next question yeah, man.
Speaker 2:Last one, last one, last one. I'm over this. I say that a lot. I'm over this Language that threatens the end of your relationship Like I'm leaving it, I'm done or I want to break up, creates instability and insecurity.
Speaker 3:It depends on how emotional the other person is, because when I say I'm over, like if I say I'm over this, that means I'm over this conversation.
Speaker 2:And this is saying that you should say that you should pinpoint exactly what you're over, so that they don't assume what you mean by this is I'm over this. You know what I'm saying, so you should say I'm over this conversation.
Speaker 3:So you got to add the word conversation to the sentence and then everything's okay. Yeah, basically no, it's not, because then they gonna be like well, I'm not done expressing myself.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:So what so what we doing here, Gee yeah.
Speaker 2:Sit there and listen. If you love her, say your partner may struggle to trust you. If you feel like a flight risk which limits intimacy, say what you should say is I'm really upset right now and need to take a moment, or we need to have a serious conversation about our relationship.
Speaker 3:See, when you say we need to have a serious conversation about our relationship, that means that you want to break up. That's the first thing that that's going to pop up in somebody's head.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It may. Yeah, I mean not in mind, though I just think.
Speaker 3:If you think, okay, it depends on the serious, the seriousness of your argument. If you arguing over I don't know, you left the toilet seat up and she has to keep telling you you know what I'm saying that you keep leaving the toilet seat up and you like, why don't you just put it down? Yes, Like it's not my fault, you don't pay attention, you just go back first and don't? You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:Look, what's crazy is Only a crazy person wouldn't look.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:You don't even know what you're sitting on.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, bro, it could be, but then she could be like you know what I'm over this you really think she gonna break up with you? Because she almost tore her spine up falling in the toilet.
Speaker 2:I don't know, man For that email. It could be a red flag for them. I don't know. Never know, dawg Never know. So you gotta touch the toilet seat twice while she never touches it, when both of y'all can touch it once and everybody will be cool.
Speaker 3:I just I ain't All right, bro, this man. Then, Basically, what all this told me was even when you try to be politically correct, even when you try to be nice, it's gonna come across way worse than just saying it how you feel.
Speaker 2:Some people could take it the wrong way, even if you say it the nice way. Okay.
Speaker 3:That's not my problem how you take it.
Speaker 2:It can be. It can be.
Speaker 3:I'm not responsible for how you react to what I say.
Speaker 2:No, but you are responsible for what you say. Yes, okay, and I'm gonna be honest with you, and that's cool, as long as you know who you're dealing with.
Speaker 3:And as long as they know who they're dealing with. Yeah, yeah On game.
Speaker 2:Bro, you been on one break, Go ahead. Bro. You been on one man, you got any final thousand man. Keep it 100, bro, Keep it 100.
Speaker 3:Keep it 100. Respectfully.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I meant. If you want to respect somebody, you choose your words. Respect.
Speaker 3:But I think when you sugarcoat stuff, you're not being, you're protecting them.
Speaker 2:I can say this Sugarcoating things helps people digest all of it.
Speaker 3:I don't think so, Because if you know how to bite words, stuff gets clogged up in there.
Speaker 2:Go ahead man, if you're trying to get your kids to eat something that they don't like, put some sugar in it. They still get the nutrients from what you want them to have. What I'm saying is, yes, sometimes sugar will affect you, but at least you got your point of cross without making it worse.
Speaker 3:Or you don't get up from this table until you eat them vegetables I feel it.
Speaker 2:You just basically say Joe, girl, it's your child, I understand.
Speaker 3:I'm not saying that's the. Come on, bro, don't do that, don't do that. He didn't mean that you compared the kid with the.
Speaker 2:I'm just playing. I'm just joking, bro. I'm just joking E-Feezy my bad. All right, bro, this was a great show. My bad. You got a motivation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:You got one, I ain't got nothing. All right, well, mine is long. Anyway, things end the day with a positive thought. No matter how hard things were, tomorrow's a fresh opportunity to make it better. That's what's up.
Speaker 2:That's what's up. I'ma just say this Mean what you say, say what you mean and think about how you say it All right, that's it. That was cool man. Yeah, it was dope bro.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they call me Dyer and I be a boy nine. It's a premium full of it podcast. Yeah, hey, we got to have more shows like this hey man, this was fire, it was fire. It was fire. My toxicity Are you toxic? Yes, you sure are. Yes, yeah, you chose violence today and I was just on 75%, see, and I can't wait until next time. This is gonna be my favorite you crazy.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be a big fan of you. I'm gonna be a big fan of you.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna be a big fan of you. I'm gonna be a big fan of you. I'm gonna be a big fan of you. I'm gonna be a big fan of you.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be a big fan of you.