Supremely Full Of It Podcast
Wide range conversations from 2 people that know they are supremely full of it.
Supremely Full Of It Podcast
Let's use our words vol.1
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Have you ever wondered why relationships falter, despite all the love and goodwill in the world? In the realm of romance, are there words and phrases that hold the power to make or break us?" These profound questions set the stage for our lively exploration of interpersonal dynamics, red flags, and the complex language of love.
In the first part of our discussion, we confront the unsettling reality of red flags in marriages and the hard decisions they often necessitate. A listener named Andrea throws a curveball our way, challenging us to reevaluate our views on the readiness of individuals to leave relationships today. Fasten your seatbelts as we traverse the often-complicated terrain of love, commitment, and the sheer will it takes to keep a marriage thriving. We then turn our attention to the weight of our words in relationships, highlighting how seemingly innocuous phrases can leave deep scars. We not only uncover the dire effects of utterances like "you don't deserve me" and "stop asking if I'm okay," but also provide healthier alternatives to promote open, respectful dialogue.
Our deep dive continues with an analysis of how to approach difficult conversations without resorting to harmful language, the often murky waters of parenting and relationship dynamics, and the insidious nature of gaslighting language. In a bid to arm you with the tools to navigate these challenges, we provide insights on how to steer clear of damaging conversations, utilize respectful language, and identify manipulative language. We wrap up with a reminder about the power of positivity and reflection in communication, urging you to embrace these principles in your everyday interactions. So, join us on this insightful journey, expect a few laughs, and be prepared to see relationships in a whole new light.
Red Flags in Marriages and Choices
Speaker 2I be full of it.
Speaker 1Ha, ha yeah.
Speaker 2What a new world I be.
Speaker 3Did you just fart or something? I was grunting, okay. It comes with the age, I guess.
Speaker 2I mean, everything hurts sometime.
Speaker 3Say your body got to warm up sometime.
Speaker 2Yeah, you need a little oil to put in the joints. You feel me?
Speaker 3Supreme Fuller podcast. Back with another episode, man, yes.
Speaker 2Yes, they call me Dyer, boy nine.
Speaker 3We got an email man.
Speaker 2Yeah, what it do.
Speaker 3Let's just get straight to the show. What it do so this email comes from a person named Andrea.
Speaker 2What it do.
Speaker 3Andrea. She says this is Andrea. Came across your reel on Facebook about red flags.
Speaker 2And.
Speaker 3I think you sound crazy. Oh yeah, Supreme Fuller podcast on all social media. Straight to it. She says you said we shouldn't be quick to walk away from marriages when we see red flags.
Speaker 3You did say that Because they came up in 20, 30 or even 50 year marriages. The reason why women didn't walk away from those marriages? Because back then they were dependent on the man, so they had to deal with the red flags. In today's world we don't have to deal with that BS, so we are quick to smarten up and leave, and she throws a little shade. Also, I think that shirt you had on in that reel was ugly. Wow, I like that shirt, man. Wow, that was my venom shirt. By the way, you know what I'm saying. The two different purples, yeah.
Speaker 2The shirt was fire, bro.
Speaker 3She ain't got no style, whatever.
Speaker 2I can say this Thanks for the email, though I can say this she did what she was supposed to do. What was she supposed to do? Most of the time, when you get into an argument with a female, what do they do, bro? They turn to personal attacks. Yeah.
Speaker 3If you can't defeat the argument, what else can you do? What is your thoughts on her email?
Speaker 2I don't think her email is rooted in any fact whatsoever.
Speaker 3You said it.
Speaker 2You can go back many years, even before my lifetime, or even a little after, bro. In my opinion, it's not about smarten up and leaving. In my opinion, it's more so about your choices.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2I don't think some of the things that you picked them.
Speaker 3You always say that.
Speaker 2You picked them and to say that they dealt with them because they were dependent on me and that's why they did that. I don't know. I think back in the day, love was really love back then though. Okay, and that's how I see that man, because people leave for whatever reason nowadays, bro.
Speaker 3I think people didn't leave as fast as they do now, because they actually tried.
Speaker 2Put some effort into it, yeah.
Speaker 3I think they wasn't so quick to be like. Well, on to the next one. I could get somebody else.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, I mean, we all think I'll bounce back, I'll find somebody different. But do you even want to do that though? That's the thing, and I think back then people felt more they wanted to be a part of something more. Nowadays, we're so independent that we don't care about being a part of anything, of building anything, growing anything, so that's why we're so quick to walk away. That's just my thought.
Speaker 2Yeah, I ain't got nothing to follow it, All right thanks for the email, though, man. I hope you follow us on Facebook. Yeah yeah, keep checking out Dyer's wardrobe All right, let's get into it bro.
Speaker 1Okay.
Avoiding Phrases in Arguments and Relationships
Speaker 2All right, check this out. We all get into arguments and relationships, right, right, and sometimes we say things that you may not have wanted to say, or maybe you did, right, all right. So have you ever just sat back and thought about, like dang, I shouldn't have said that?
Speaker 3It crossed my mind.
Speaker 1It has.
Speaker 2Yeah, okay, okay. So I got a list of some things that people say, some phrases, okay, and it says that people shouldn't say, and it also gives an alternative of what you can say in replace of what you shouldn't say. Okay, and then you let me know how you feel about it, if it's something you shouldn't say or you should, or if it's a good thought to rearrange what you're saying. All right, all right, phrase number one you don't deserve me.
Speaker 3I'm sad that I'm a two I mean.
Speaker 2but do you think it's a bad phrase?
Speaker 3to say to somebody Don't deserve me.
Speaker 2Yeah, you don't deserve me.
Speaker 1If they ain't holding, they wait Okay.
Speaker 3Oh boy, this is going to be a good episode.
Speaker 2Okay, so all right. So the information that is given about this phrase right? It says that this language reflects contempt, communicates to your partner that you believe that they are less than you.
Speaker 3Yeah, they hold, they wait.
Speaker 2These are jokes people, amen. These are jokes, people. And it says, which can damage their self-esteem.
Speaker 3Right, okay, so, but at the same time, it is called self-esteem, like get yourself together.
Speaker 2Because you ain't holding your weight.
Speaker 3It's the self of your mother.
Speaker 1for yourself, Go ahead bro, hey bro, that's good, that's good, okay, good, Good.
Speaker 2So it says that, okay, I'm going to give you an example. It says, instead of saying it, that way, you're going out and not an alternative, but a similar way of doing the wrong thing. It says the example is you're lucky that I even put up with you. Wait, that's alternative. No, no, that's another way of saying you don't deserve me, which is saying you're lucky that I even put up with you.
Speaker 3Well, like Kanye said you lucky I got, like me, even noticed you. Kanye said that. I said that I'm going to say that again. You look here, God, like me, even noticed you. Yeah man.
Speaker 2So this is the alternative. This is what you should say. This is what you should. Yeah, it says what you should say instead. Okay, I'm struggling to see us as partners right now, or I'm viewing you as less valuable than me, and I need to work on it and then state how you feel in a calm and honest way, but doesn't that take the accountability off of them, off of the other person, if you're the one struggling seeing?
Speaker 1something.
Speaker 3And, and if you say that first part again.
Speaker 2I'm struggling to see us as partners right now, that part right there, when you say that to yeah they ain't listening to nothing else.
Speaker 3you're saying Right all they hear is oh, so you wanna break up?
Speaker 2Yeah, it's over, yeah, and then to say I'm viewing you as less valuable than me, right? I would never say that either. Exactly, so that don't really do nothing so this alternative is actually just like the first.
Speaker 3Yeah, well, I like the first part more, to be honest with you.
Speaker 2You don't deserve me.
Speaker 3Yeah, I'm just lucky to have me here I put up with you. Not that part, you don't deserve me, part that can come across like when I say I'm joking, okay, maybe.
Speaker 2But is it joking when you say it during an argument?
Speaker 3Well, me, the type of person that I am. Even when I argue, I still like to lighten the mood up.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3So it could be, you know, depending on how the mood strikes me, but with that light and the mood, though, saying you don't deserve me. It was like my mood, okay, okay, next one, all right.
Speaker 2You finna get some emails.
Speaker 3Hey man, I'm shining right there, oh man.
Speaker 2All right. The next one is stop asking if I'm okay. Everything is fine when it isn't so. The phrase is you shouldn't say stop asking me if I'm okay. That's, if somebody is asking you, are you okay, yeah, so don't say stop asking me if I'm okay.
Speaker 3It depends on the situation, okay, because, like, say, say you're, say somebody has died that you know, and somebody asks you, I mean it's a dumb question to ask, but are you okay, right? Like, why would you ask me that G? Don't ask me, am I okay? My homie just died, my so-and-so just died? Don't ask me that, right.
Speaker 2But if that's the case, they know that something is wrong with you, so they don't need an actual response from you.
Speaker 3But they don't.
Speaker 2They don't. That's a. If they say are you okay and they know somebody just died, they're not looking for you to explain anything.
Speaker 3Then what you looking for then?
Speaker 2Just for you to say, just for them to get reassurance that you okay, yeah, I'm cool or I'm not, or if you want to talk or not, but if you having an argument, or you going through something with somebody you with Right and they ask you are you okay, right?
Speaker 2You shouldn't? It's saying you shouldn't say that, you shouldn't say stop asking me, are you okay? Okay, what should you say? Well, I'm going to tell you this. First, it says that this is passive, aggressive language. It keeps partners from talking about their problems in a direct and open way. This makes it difficult to resolve conflict and can make both parties feel insecure.
Speaker 3See, the problem with that is you can ask a person all day long. As a matter of fact, I'm going to give you an example.
Speaker 1Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3I had a friend. This was years ago. He told me that he knew something was wrong with his girl, right.
Speaker 1Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3And he kept asking her all day what was wrong, what was wrong, what was wrong? And she kept saying nothing.
Speaker 1Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3And then later on that night he sent me this whole test message of her saying I find it funny that you know something's wrong with me, but you've never tried to figure out what was wrong with me.
Speaker 2Now I can see that being a problem, exactly, but it's saying that the person that you are asking shouldn't say like you said she said nothing, which that would be the same thing as saying stop asking me if I'm okay. Right, because what this is telling you is what you should say, instead of saying nothing. Or stop asking me if I'm okay is that I'm really upset, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. So it says instead of ignoring your problems, take some time to face and reflect on them. So, instead of saying nothing, you should say yeah, something is wrong, I'm just not ready to talk about it yet.
Speaker 3But then the other person would be like then what's wrong with you, bro? Like they still gonna push you.
Speaker 2But they shouldn't, though, that's where yeah, they shouldn't. Yeah, they shouldn't though.
Speaker 3But okay, but why? If a person knows something is wrong with you and you know that they know there's something wrong with you? There's something wrong with you. Why do you keep saying nothing?
Speaker 2That's why they say that you shouldn't use it.
Speaker 3So my logic is you keep telling me nothing. Let it be nothing. Yeah, yeah, I feel you. I'm the same way.
Speaker 2Let it be nothing.
Speaker 3So when you do come talking to me, the first thing I'm gonna say is I thought nothing was wrong with you, so you lying to me, so I shouldn't believe nothing you say. From here on out, I'm gonna be toxic, I'm a gas light no, what's the next?
Speaker 2one, bro. The emails is like a flood bro. What's the next?
Speaker 3one. Nah, it's just. You said that it's easier than you think. Well, the hard part is to sit back and reflect on what's wrong, and the easy part is just to say nothing. If you gonna be in a relationship that you actually want, everything is not gonna be easy. As a matter of fact, if it's somebody that you really wanna be with, most of the time it's gonna be hard because they're gonna challenge you to change. It's like you gonna challenge them to change. Yeah, big facts.
Speaker 2That's all I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, the next one, I'm ready. You're pathetic. Ouch, yeah, you're pathetic.
Speaker 3Nah, you shouldn't say that.
Speaker 2And you know other people use other terms. You know you suck, you know you bad, blah, blah, blah, Just like your daddy, ooh, you act just like your mama.
Speaker 3What's when you think hurt the most? You act like your mama or you act like your daddy?
Speaker 2Probably you act like your daddy in most cases. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3In some cases Okay, you're pathetic. Okay, what should you say? Okay, you're not performing to the quality.
Speaker 2What you should say is I don't like how you handled that situation. Express what they did that you didn't like and why I bothered you.
Speaker 3You, but oh, that just sounds boring to me. You just want to fight, bro. No, no, no. You can't go from your pathetic to the soft version of that is what you just said.
Speaker 2Say this instead I don't like the way you handle that situation.
Speaker 3Pathetic is like, like you said, like you not paying child support, but you got every pair of Jordans. That's pathetic in some degree.
Speaker 1Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2But to your example, though you wouldn't go to that person and say that you're pathetic, because that's what they do. You would say hey, I really don't like the way how you can walk around in Jordans and your son ain't got none.
Speaker 3Yeah, but okay, this is sad, but it's the truth. Some people you just got to talk to them like that, maybe like real talk. I worked at a job and this supervisor, like he would go out for everybody and nobody said nothing to him. And then when I transferred to his department, since I'm new, he comes up to me and goes off on me. I wait till he go in his office because I want everybody here. I go in his office. We exchange words and I tell him, like yo, I don't need this job. I found this job. I could find another one that was mixed in between the MFers and the A's and all this other stuff.
Speaker 3From that day forward we was cool.
Speaker 2But, to be fair, that's a conversation between two guys, though, as we talked about. How would your girl accept a conversation like that though?
Speaker 3I wouldn't take that to her unless she brought it to me first, because I'm a firm believer. If you're talking to somebody and you tell them how they are and they don't receive it, then you show them what they are, you start acting like them, talking like them, and if they don't like the way that you acting towards them, then they don't like themselves.
Speaker 2I can say, with that conversation with your boss man, that went well, because when you said I don't need this job, it would pop through his mind and was like eh, this guy might actually hurt me.
Speaker 3I'm just saying I'm just when there's a low level.
Speaker 2threat of violence. Bro, then it's kind of changed a little bit when you talk, but it don't happen like that in relationships, because a lot of women don't believe that that is a thing when it comes to them, which means the violence part.
Speaker 3Okay, but what if you say I don't need this relationship? I found you, I found somebody else, but that doesn't mean violence though.
Speaker 2No, I know that. Not to them. No, but I'm just saying a lot of things don't mean violence to them. You could literally say I'm going to punch you on the eye. They go, do it then I bet you won't. They get to doing all of this, and you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3Do it, then they don't care bro, okay, okay. What's the equivalent to saying you, pathetic again.
Speaker 2I don't like the way you handle that situation.
Speaker 3Okay, what if they ask you, okay, how should I handle it? And then you'd be like I don't know, I just didn't like the way that you did it.
Speaker 2Then you shouldn't have said nothing in the first place. You should have kept your mouth shut. Now you just made yourself look dumb.
Speaker 3But isn't it possible to know how something made you feel, but you can't explain it?
Speaker 2Keep your mouth shut. The emails come on for you. Next, you have to keep your mouth shut. If you can't explain why you feel the way you feel, then you shouldn't say a thing, because how can you explain it to me when you don't understand it yourself?
Speaker 3Okay, if they can express how they feel, and you asked them, okay, what you want me to do and they don't have an answer for that, then what? I still think you should keep your mouth shut. So you're saying the person got to give you the problem and the answer yes, okay, next question. Yes, bro.
Speaker 1Tough crowd.
Speaker 2The thing is, man, you can complain about everything, but if you never have a solution on how to fix the complaint, then what are we complaining? Then you're just complaining, bro. I feel you. If you say I don't like you stepping to the right, I'm like, okay, but that's cool. What do you want me to do? You can't say I don't know. You need to tell me to step to the left, and then I will.
Speaker 3They may not know the solution, but they know how it made them feel.
Speaker 2Feelings, feelings. Feelings are not fact, but true.
Speaker 3But aren't you the same person who says that you have to? What did you say you have to? You didn't say validate their feelings, did you? Next question how much did it shut up?
Speaker 2on that one.
Speaker 3That didn't hit me.
Speaker 2All right, go ahead. Yeah, so the next one. I hate you.
Speaker 3Some people say that in a joking way.
Speaker 2I can see that being a joke, but in a heated argument. That ain't a joke. Ain't nobody going to perceive that as a joke.
Speaker 3I mean it depends on the, it depends on your relationship, because, like you could say that I hate you and then, based off of the y'all relationship, that could just mean you get on my nerves.
Speaker 2Then those are the words you should use, then.
Speaker 3I feel you, but you know how we use words that don't belong. Come on now, bro. Come on, it happens All right. But yeah, hate is a strong word. It is so okay. What should you say?
Speaker 2Well, hold on. I do like what this says right here, though. It overgeneralizes monetary feelings and create insecurity, even in the good moments. Your partner may think do they really love me right now if they said they hated me last week? And that makes sense? True.
Speaker 3But love is like you said in the last part. I'm paraphrasing right now but love comes in during the hard time. So just because I hate you at in this moment, don't mean I stopped loving you but we just have a love hate relationship. Stop. I think this is my toxic episode. We need to have more of these bro, we need to have more of these.
Speaker 1Hey, you are clowning.
Speaker 2But some would argue though if you love me, you wouldn't have said it in the first place.
Speaker 3Okay, if you love a person, you wouldn't do half of stuff that you do, so tit for tat. No, what I'm saying is I have four nights.
Speaker 1Hey bro, oh that's a good one, bro, oh my.
Parenting and Relationship Dynamics
Speaker 2God bro, hey bro, this is gonna be the most played episode we have watch.
Speaker 3I'm just saying, bro, I don't think I mean, that's one of the things that you go back and be like. You know what I apologize. You know I don't hate you, you just get on my nerves that's all.
Speaker 2It happens, but-.
Speaker 1Yeah, love, hate.
Speaker 2It's what you should say instead, is it's hard for me to be around you right now?
Speaker 3See, when you say that it's hard for me to be around you right now. They not gonna hear the right now part. They just gonna say, oh, you don't wanna be around me but leave it hey, but some of these but you can tell Leave prick leave.
Speaker 2Some of these you can tell is wrote by somebody who ain't never been with nobody in there. Exactly. You know what I'm saying. Now I do understand. Take a minute to calm down before you say something untrue, or you don't wanna say.
Speaker 3Right, I thought she was gonna say I have a strong disdain for you.
Speaker 1I thought she was gonna say I don't even know if that word and a lot of people's vocabulary, brother.
Speaker 3All right, that was cool, that was cool, that's a good one.
Speaker 2That was cool, when you shouldn't say number five. How many is it Eight?
Speaker 3Okay, cool, cool.
Speaker 2You're a bad parent.
Speaker 3Is it both of them kids? Both of their kids? Is this the mother and the father or the guys' kids, and the woman is the girlfriend or the girl's kids. Let's do the worst one, so that's the woman with the kids and the guy with no kids.
Speaker 2Yes, okay, that's the worst one. That's the worst one.
Speaker 3Yes, Ouch go ahead, that's.
Speaker 2Ouch, that's the worst one, bro, go ahead. The reason why I say it is the worst one is because there's two different expectations on the other side. When you have a woman with kids, to some degree you have responsibility to take care of those kids and our chores. That's true. But on the other hand, if the guy has the kids, he doesn't expect the girl he's with to do anything financially for those kids True or to even have to worry about disciplining our authority because he's gonna do it. So it's easier, in my opinion, on a guy with kids versus a woman with kids.
Speaker 2Yeah, absolutely so. That's the worst one.
Speaker 3Okay, so the man with no kids tells the woman with kids that she's a bad parent, right? Let me hear what you should say first.
Speaker 2Okay, what they say you should say is I think this situation is triggering issues from your past. How can we work through them together and then respectfully acknowledge areas of sensitivity and communicate in a way that doesn't feel like an attack on their character?
Speaker 3See, I think do you think we put everything that's bad? People will pass traumas and there was an issue back in the day, back in their childhood, that they didn't deal with. That's why they are the way that they are now. Or could people just be bad people? It?
Speaker 2could be both. Yeah, it could be both, but I think some people that you may consider being bad parents. It may just be a lack of information.
Speaker 3Or a lack of well, not a lack, but a difference in parenting.
Speaker 2You don't know what bad parenting or bad parenting is to me, bro. It was a bad parenting Did you see that video when that dude and his girl was at Sam's club shopping.
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 2She put out a TikTok video and said if your kids ain't eating like this, you're not a good parent. But everything that was on their cart was all junk food.
Speaker 3Now I see that.
Speaker 2It was all Tahees and Treats chips candy snacks.
Speaker 3No, I understand that, but I'm just saying Tahees and treats.
Speaker 2They was blowing her up in the comments too, saying where's the actual food? Yeah, but somebody said that she's their bad parents. But it also could be lack of information. Maybe they can't cook.
Speaker 3But Okay, what was in the cart?
Speaker 1again, you said junk food, all junk food.
Speaker 2If she can't cook and this ain't a normal cart she's at Sam's club with the Dolly joint that you put TVs on.
Speaker 3Well, but okay, you said she probably can't cook. What does her cooking got to do with buying cupcakes and Twinkies If she can't cook? I need to see some TV dinners. Some hungry man, some piece of roll bags, roman noodles, something. Yeah, no actual food. Okay, that's bad parents to you, okay.
Speaker 2Now, bad parenting. To me, though, isn't the fact that Bad parenting can also be a lack of knowledge, is what I'm saying? I'm not saying it's always because of somebody doing something they shouldn't do as a parent.
Speaker 3If, if the guy had okay, does the guy have the right to tell her that she's a bad parent?
Speaker 2Oh, that's a good question, because he ain't got no kids, right, um, I think that's why you shouldn't say it that way, but do but do he have the right to say it though? I'm kind of torn with that because I'm thinking about it if I had put myself in that situation. But in some cases they do got the right to say it. Yeah, they do have.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3The reason why they have the right is because you opened them up to your family. You brought them in. You want this man to be a part of your family. So unless you think he's just going to come in and not say nothing to your kids, then he has the right to say yes, you are a bad parent.
Speaker 2But what if she calls him a bad parent, since he is there now because he don't have the knowledge on how to take care of kids? That could be the case too, and she could say you're the bad parent.
Speaker 3They ain't my kids. No, okay, okay, ask me that question. Oh bro, ask me that question you. Wow bro, I'm just enjoying myself.
Speaker 2I'm saying what if she said he was the bad parent because he don't have any kids, he doesn't have experience? Okay, and that's where I say just because somebody say you a bad parent doesn't mean you're doing anything like damaging to the kids or neglectful. It can be a lack of information.
Speaker 3That only applies if you have one kid. What you mean? If you got two kids, everything wrong, you deal with the first one, don't deal with the second one. Yeah, but you learn new stuff, yeah, they always say the first kid is the test dummy, right, the second one wait, I just made that up. That's a real thing, yeah, wow.
Speaker 1Okay, Well, parents is trash ain't they.
Speaker 3So, I literally just made that up. God, that's bad. So, if you know, this didn't work with the first child. The second child should not have to deal with that.
Speaker 2Yeah, but you still may do something similar because it's a different kid.
Speaker 3At the end of the day, he or she is allowed to say you a bad parent.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm supposed to do it together and this is why it's say. What you should say instead is how can we work through this together to a better parent?
Speaker 3See, that's hard. That's hard because it would take a special person Right, because at the end of the day, they always got that these are my kids. You don't understand, these are my kids. Well, I can say I've heard a man and I want to say that what you heard, a man say it too.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's different.
Speaker 3I'm going to tell you how. He was trying to punch the kids and she felt it was too severe and he was like well, you don't understand, because these are not your kids At the end of the day, these are my kids, so I have to set the tone of how they're going to act. And she didn't agree with that because she thought the punishment was too severe. But he didn't.
Speaker 2I think he should have said it like this I'm their father. I made a decision and that's what we're sticking with. I would never use the phrase these are my kids because at some point you're going to want that other person to view your kids as their own. That's true.
Speaker 3I think if y'all live together and both of y'all are supporting the kids, it's not my kids anymore. You could either say the kids or our kids.
Speaker 2And you don't realize that using that terminology, all you're doing is putting in your kids' minds the separation they know who they can disrespect and who they can't disrespect.
Speaker 3Because my thing is you can't say these are my kids when I don't do something that you don't agree with. But there are kids when you want me to buy some stuff.
Speaker 2I remember when I got remember my wife got married, bro, one of my kids did something like they did something to disrespect her or whatever. I get a phone call. I need you to do XYZ to them when you get home. You know what I said.
Speaker 1I said what do you mean?
Speaker 2No, she's like what you mean. No, I said I'm not doing anything when I get home. I said it should be dealt with before I get there. If I trust you with my kids when I'm not there, I trust that you can handle them while I'm gone. You need to deal with them the same way I would, even if you had to ask me what do you think I should do as a punishment. I don't care, but you need to do it so that they can learn to respect you. They didn't disrespect me, they disrespected you. I feel that. And then I'm still going to come home and say don't disrespect my wife, because I'll floor you. I feel that, okay, all right. Next one number six. You're being crazy, go ahead. Have you used that All the time?
Speaker 3You use it all the time, Not all the time, but I don't see a problem saying it though. Okay.
Speaker 2Some women may use I don't know they said another way of saying something like you're crazy, is you're delirious? Or, coming from a woman, you're sensitive. This language manipulates or twist reality with the intent of making your partner doubt themselves. It's called gaslight and it undermines their perception of reality.
Speaker 3So we are replacing one name with another name. That's like saying we're going to replace goofy with unintelligent.
Speaker 2Now what they're saying is, when you use these words like you're sensitive or goofy, or sensitive or crazy or even goofy they're saying that when you use those terms, you are gaslighting them, trying to say that the feelings that they have aren't real.
Speaker 3Okay, is it possible that the feelings that you have are real, but they're real because you overreact them. They're real to you because how you're taking it and you're misunderstanding what a person is saying.
Speaker 2It's possible, yeah, but don't use those words like crazy sensitive or anything like that You're misunderstanding me. That's a good one.
Speaker 3Okay, what if a person says something to you and you say you sound stupid. Is that the same thing? Your gaslighting, yeah.
Speaker 2Because in their mind, what they're saying isn't stupid.
Speaker 3I have a problem with this one. Those are things just because they feel something that is valid. But just because you feel something doesn't mean that it's true.
Speaker 2You're absolutely right. But what it's saying is saying those words ain't gonna do anything but make it worse.
Speaker 3So, Conn, how I see it is.
Speaker 2So how would you take it if you were expressing to your girl how you felt about a situation, right? And she says man, you just being sensitive, Now she's gaslighting you, bro. No, she's not.
Speaker 3No, she's not. No, she's not, is she not?
Speaker 2No.
Speaker 1What's she doing?
Speaker 2there she trying to tell you that the feeling that you have is dumb. No, I don't take it that way. How do?
Speaker 3you take it, I take it that it's keep that same energy.
Speaker 2I mean no, I feel you you like to get back you, petty like I am, that's how. I feel I don't understand that, but I'm just saying that's essentially what she's doing, though, but I don't see.
Speaker 3But I don't look at it that way, right, right, I look at it as whatever you say to me, I get to say, right back, I should be able to say it right back to you. Yeah, and since you said it, it shouldn't faze you.
Speaker 2Exactly, I understand that part, but it doesn't negate the fact of what she's actually using the terminology for.
Speaker 3But okay, you could use it all you want, but does it work? That's the thing. It may not work against you, that's all this is Does it work.
Speaker 2It may not work against you, but it may work up against a guy that ain't as thick skinned as you. Man, I need to get back, and he may be in jail somewhere because he didn't doubt it, or I one time.
Speaker 3I feel you All right If I express how I felt and my girl said that I was sensitive one. Okay, Not me, just anybody. Any male, no one. The state of our culture as far as men go. Do you think that man will open up to her anymore?
Speaker 2Probably not. No, okay, probably not. But that also means he would never be able to express the way he feel about anything she does, and if you get to that point, the relationship is probably over.
Speaker 3I think if it's a man or the woman. If every time you try to express yourself, you meet some type of pushback when you're just expressing yourself, then it's a problem. I feel, you If you can't take criticism or if you have the whole candle bite, tell me nothing attitude. You shouldn't be in a relationship. That's just my thinking.
Speaker 2So it says what you should say instead of saying you're crazy. I think your response to this situation is making it worse.
Speaker 3Okay, then they will come back. How do you want me to respond? Then you have to say something.
Speaker 2According to you, you do, you do, okay, so you can't say I'm doing something making it worse without telling me how to make it better. Man, I feel you you got to have a response. I feel you we got two left. Okay, the next one is you're so needy.
Speaker 3I need to hear the other one.
Speaker 2When you which one.
Speaker 3Like the other way of saying it.
Speaker 2It say when you use language that says your partner is annoying, smothering or generally bothering you, it suggests that their needs don't matter. Now what you should say is I hear that you want my attention, but I'm feeling suffocated and I need some space I would delete. Suffocated.
Speaker 3That's what I'm about to say. All they want to hear is bruh, this is the way that they tell you not to say it sounds better than the way that they say that you should say it.
Speaker 2Yeah, I would take suffocated out of there bro.
Speaker 3Just say it, bruh, you needy like.
Speaker 2No, but it's saying I hear that you need my attention, so you're still making them know that you understand that they need something from you, which I think that's good. I just don't like the suffocating part and I don't like give me some space.
Speaker 3I would say, give me a minute but then some we just going to be real. Some people going to be like oh so I got a scheduled time with you now. Like come on, bruh. Yeah.
Speaker 2I mean everybody's. Some people going to have a rebuttal to it?
Speaker 3man, give me 50 feet, then bruh.
Speaker 2Yeah, you going to put a.
Speaker 3Yeah, I feel you, bruh, I feel you All right, say what does needy stand mean again?
Speaker 2It's telling your partner that you are knowing or smothering or bothering them.
Speaker 3I don't think telling somebody that you needy is annoying. Your kids are needy. Are they annoying to you? Yes, that's the question. Yes, go ahead. Bruh, you just killed my whole argument. You said it quit. Yes, yes, go ahead.
Speaker 2Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy daddy, mommy, mama, mama, mama.
Speaker 3But you know that comes with the territory, though it does.
Speaker 2So you signed up for it. It does, but I would never tell them that they needy or nothing like that, though.
Speaker 3So why are you telling your name that? I would just so your daddy that? So some people do, man. I think they only say that when they trying to play 2K or go out with their friends or something like that, and they, girls, say we don't spend enough time together.
Speaker 2But there's some guys that want more attention than women, though, and they may go to their girl and say they want some attention, but I can hear females saying that a guy is needy more than a guy say a female is needy. They say that again. I can see a female saying a guy is needy more than a man saying his girl is needy.
Speaker 3Isn't that okay? Would you put that in the category of a woman calling a man sensitive? Yeah, if you say like yo, you ain't showing me enough attention.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, okay, so she needs some attention. But then Susan up the street, you know what I'm saying. She free every Wednesday night, $40. And she ain't got no problem showing attention. Next question yeah, man.
Speaker 2Last one, last one, last one. I'm over this. I say that a lot. I'm over this Language that threatens the end of your relationship Like I'm leaving it, I'm done or I want to break up, creates instability and insecurity.
Speaker 3It depends on how emotional the other person is, because when I say I'm over, like if I say I'm over this, that means I'm over this conversation.
Speaker 2And this is saying that you should say that you should pinpoint exactly what you're over, so that they don't assume what you mean by this is I'm over this. You know what I'm saying, so you should say I'm over this conversation.
Speaker 3So you got to add the word conversation to the sentence and then everything's okay. Yeah, basically no, it's not, because then they gonna be like well, I'm not done expressing myself.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3So what so what we doing here, Gee yeah.
Speaker 2Sit there and listen. If you love her, say your partner may struggle to trust you. If you feel like a flight risk which limits intimacy, say what you should say is I'm really upset right now and need to take a moment, or we need to have a serious conversation about our relationship.
Speaker 3See, when you say we need to have a serious conversation about our relationship, that means that you want to break up. That's the first thing that that's going to pop up in somebody's head.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2It may. Yeah, I mean not in mind, though I just think.
Speaker 3If you think, okay, it depends on the serious, the seriousness of your argument. If you arguing over I don't know, you left the toilet seat up and she has to keep telling you you know what I'm saying that you keep leaving the toilet seat up and you like, why don't you just put it down? Yes, Like it's not my fault, you don't pay attention, you just go back first and don't? You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2Look, what's crazy is Only a crazy person wouldn't look.
Speaker 3You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2You don't even know what you're sitting on.
Speaker 3Right, yeah, bro, it could be, but then she could be like you know what I'm over this you really think she gonna break up with you? Because she almost tore her spine up falling in the toilet.
Speaker 2I don't know, man For that email. It could be a red flag for them. I don't know. Never know, dawg Never know. So you gotta touch the toilet seat twice while she never touches it, when both of y'all can touch it once and everybody will be cool.
Speaker 3I just I ain't All right, bro, this man. Then, Basically, what all this told me was even when you try to be politically correct, even when you try to be nice, it's gonna come across way worse than just saying it how you feel.
Speaker 2Some people could take it the wrong way, even if you say it the nice way. Okay.
Speaker 3That's not my problem how you take it.
Speaker 2It can be. It can be.
Speaker 3I'm not responsible for how you react to what I say.
Speaker 2No, but you are responsible for what you say. Yes, okay, and I'm gonna be honest with you, and that's cool, as long as you know who you're dealing with.
Speaker 3And as long as they know who they're dealing with. Yeah, yeah On game.
Speaker 2Bro, you been on one break, Go ahead. Bro. You been on one man, you got any final thousand man. Keep it 100, bro, Keep it 100.
Speaker 3Keep it 100. Respectfully.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's what I meant. If you want to respect somebody, you choose your words. Respect.
Speaker 3But I think when you sugarcoat stuff, you're not being, you're protecting them.
Speaker 2I can say this Sugarcoating things helps people digest all of it.
Speaker 3I don't think so, Because if you know how to bite words, stuff gets clogged up in there.
Speaker 2Go ahead man, if you're trying to get your kids to eat something that they don't like, put some sugar in it. They still get the nutrients from what you want them to have. What I'm saying is, yes, sometimes sugar will affect you, but at least you got your point of cross without making it worse.
Speaker 3Or you don't get up from this table until you eat them vegetables I feel it.
Speaker 2You just basically say Joe, girl, it's your child, I understand.
Speaker 3I'm not saying that's the. Come on, bro, don't do that, don't do that. He didn't mean that you compared the kid with the.
Speaker 2I'm just playing. I'm just joking, bro. I'm just joking E-Feezy my bad. All right, bro, this was a great show. My bad. You got a motivation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Embracing Positivity and Reflecting on Communication
Speaker 3You got one, I ain't got nothing. All right, well, mine is long. Anyway, things end the day with a positive thought. No matter how hard things were, tomorrow's a fresh opportunity to make it better. That's what's up.
Speaker 2That's what's up. I'ma just say this Mean what you say, say what you mean and think about how you say it All right, that's it. That was cool man. Yeah, it was dope bro.
Speaker 3Yeah, they call me Dyer and I be a boy nine. It's a premium full of it podcast. Yeah, hey, we got to have more shows like this hey man, this was fire, it was fire. It was fire. My toxicity Are you toxic? Yes, you sure are. Yes, yeah, you chose violence today and I was just on 75%, see, and I can't wait until next time. This is gonna be my favorite you crazy.
Speaker 2I'm gonna be a big fan of you. I'm gonna be a big fan of you.
Speaker 3I'm gonna be a big fan of you. I'm gonna be a big fan of you. I'm gonna be a big fan of you. I'm gonna be a big fan of you.
Speaker 2I'm gonna be a big fan of you.
