Emerging from my personal journey as a survivor of domestic violence, I, Mariana, invite you to this heartfelt episode of the MAMI on a Mission podcast. I promise you, this is not just a conversation, but a safe space to explore, learn and discuss a topic that strikes without distinction of age, gender, or ethnicity.
In the spirit of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we break down the different faces of domestic violence and shine a light on the warning signs often overlooked. We arm ourselves with knowledge about resources available to those in abusive situations and the importance of validating survivors' experiences. Together, we unpack the process behind creating a safety plan, and discuss ways to support survivors effectively. We also extend our platform to survivors, allowing them to bravely share their narratives and inspiring others along their healing journey. In the midst of this, we emphasize empowering Latina women, and women worldwide to reach for their 'impossible' dreams. Let's join hands in spreading this message far and wide, fostering a safer and supportive society for all.
Emerging from my personal journey as a survivor of domestic violence, I, Mariana, invite you to this heartfelt episode of the MAMI on a Mission podcast. I promise you, this is not just a conversation, but a safe space to explore, learn and discuss a topic that strikes without distinction of age, gender, or ethnicity.
In the spirit of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we break down the different faces of domestic violence and shine a light on the warning signs often overlooked. We arm ourselves with knowledge about resources available to those in abusive situations and the importance of validating survivors' experiences. Together, we unpack the process behind creating a safety plan, and discuss ways to support survivors effectively. We also extend our platform to survivors, allowing them to bravely share their narratives and inspiring others along their healing journey. In the midst of this, we emphasize empowering Latina women, and women worldwide to reach for their 'impossible' dreams. Let's join hands in spreading this message far and wide, fostering a safer and supportive society for all.
Hello, hello, and welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast, where empowerment meets inspiration. I'm your host, mariana, a life coach and author, on a mission to help Latina women, and all women, to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. Join me on this incredible adventure as we dive into compelling subjects that will uplift, motivate and ignite your passion. Get ready to be inspired, empowered and never give up on your dreams. This is the podcast where we turn dreams into unstoppable missions. Are you ready? Let's go? Welcome to Mommy on a Mission podcast, the podcast where we are empowering Latina women and all women to reach their impossible goals. Today, we're going to discuss a topic that is, unfortunately, all too common. It's one that is dear to my heart, and it is about domestic violence. As we're wrapping up October, I did not want to leave the month of October without recognizing that it is domestic violence awareness month, and it's crucial that we continue to bring attention and awareness to this issue and work towards preventing it. That is what Mommy on a Mission is all about. In this episode, we'll be covering the different types of domestic violence, the warning signs to look out for and the resources available for those who are experiencing abuse. It can be a difficult and sensitive topic, but it's essential that we have these conversations to empower women to recognize and address domestic violence. Let's get started and work towards creating a safer and more supportive environment for all women. Hello, hello and welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast, where empowerment meets inspiration. I'm your host, mariana, a life coach and author, on a mission to help Latina women and all women to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. Join me on this incredible adventure as we dive into compelling subjects that will uplift, motivate and ignite your passion. Get ready to be inspired, empowered and never give up on your dreams. This is the podcast where we turn dreams into unstoppable missions. Are you ready? Let's go. Hello, hello and, once again, mujeres. Thank you so much for listening and tuning in this evening to the Mommy on a Mission podcast.
Speaker 1:
As I mentioned in the intro, you know this topic here. It's not an easy topic to discuss. It's not one that we should take lightly, being that it is domestic violence awareness month, which is observed every October here in the United States, and of course, we want to bring attention to the issue of domestic violence because why it's still something that is going on. It is crucial to observe this month because it's a serious problem. It affects everyone. It doesn't matter your age, your gender, your ethnicity, and you know, according to the National Coalition against domestic violence, one in three women and one in four men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. And so, with this being said, we want to raise awareness about domestic violence. We need to continue to educate women, especially women, because this is what this episode is about.
Speaker 1:
And listen, I'm no stranger to domestic violence. I've shared it in my book, I've shared it on the podcast before. I am a survivor of domestic violence and that's why this is very, very dear to my heart. I can't begin to tell you how hard it is. You know how difficult it is to bring it up. I know for myself it was not an easy thing to bring up. I didn't know how to bring it up to my family. I didn't know how to tell certain people the people that I did reach out to over time.
Speaker 1:
When you continuously talk to people about the issue or the problem, there's a sense of frustration because it's like, well, why don't you leave already? And the truth of the matter is is for anyone who is in a domestic violence situation. It's not that easy For someone who is in their right mind, who is mentally healthy, who can see what is happening to the other person, the person who's going through it. Sure, logically it makes sense right, get out of the situation. But the problem is is that it's a snowball effect. The abuser learns you. They know what button to push, they know how to get in your mind, they know how to manipulate you, they know your weaknesses and so they'll use those things against you. They'll even begin gaslighting you, like.
Speaker 1:
You are the problem. You are the one that has the issue. You're the one that's making up all these stories, and I'm telling you this because I've already lived it. Am I going to tell you that I've never put my hands on my spouse? No, I'm not. I'm not going to say that because out of anger and frustration, yes, I've slapped and I've beaten up the car, but when that person reciprocates it and is beaten, the crap out of you, so much so that they are dragging you from the front door all the way to the back kitchen door and they're just constantly hitting you in your head or kicking you in your side, or even when you turn around and they're kicking you in your tailbone, because these are all the things that have happened to me. These are the things that I had not shared with anyone in my family, the severity of the abuse that I was enduring.
Speaker 1:
And here's the thing it's not just physical abuse, okay, and so we need to define exactly what that is right. What does that look like? Domestic abuse isn't just physical, it's emotional, it's verbal and it's mental, and, yes, it's even financial, and we spoke about that in earlier, maybe about four, five episodes ago. We talked about financial abuse, right, and so what I want to do here is I want to raise awareness about it, and I also want to be able to provide an avenue where survivors of domestic abuse can learn to share their stories without fear, because it's their stories that are going to help other people and they need our support, or because they need to know that they can heal and they can move forward, and so together, we can do that. And so that's why I'm here today to talk about this subject matter, because, like I said, it is very, very important.
Speaker 1:
So, domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over the other partner. It can take various forms, like I mentioned, physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse. Domestic violence is a serious problem that affects us all, regardless of your age, your gender, your race, socioeconomic backgrounds. It doesn't matter. I can recall when I used to work for a shelter, the professionals that would come. I mean we would have teachers, we would have attorneys, we would have even women who were in law enforcement, who were seeking refuge to get away from their abuser. So it does not matter, it doesn't matter how smart you are, how many degrees you have, it does not matter, because why they know how to manipulate the victim and they do. And statistics show that domestic violence is a widespread problems. In the United States, one in four women and one in nine men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Domestic violence also affects children, with approximately 15 million children exposed to domestic violence every year.
Speaker 1:
And let me tell you, I for a very long time I tried to hide the domestic violence from my children, and it started with my oldest son, because at the at the time it was my oldest and by the time the two younger children came along, or the two middle kids came along and this was in my second marriage, mind you my oldest son was already starting to. If he didn't see it, he was feeling the effects of it and it got to the point where I had to make a very hard decision to have my son go live with his dad. So my first husband and and I'm gonna share a little bit about that here in a second. So I'm gonna read something and it's from my book Mommy on a Mission A Guide Towards Healing, self-discovery and Walking in Confidence, and it's in the section or the chapter called Letting Go and it starts, I'm gonna read, on page 56 of my book. It says I began to open up more about the many times I try to leave him and how I could not, and that this and that his abuse towards me started to affect my oldest son and he began to experience mental, emotional and physical abuse. I explained how I lied about the true reason my son went to live with his father.
Speaker 1:
The day came when my oldest son was packed and ready to go live with his dad. My heart was torn into many pieces because I knew, as we got closer to Austin, that my baby would not be living with me again. I knew from that moment that I was saying goodbye to my baby boy, yet deep down inside, I knew that it was the best decision I could make for him. I wanted my son to have a better life than what he was experiencing at home. His father was a good man who was truly all hands in when it came to our son. I knew that he would be safe and would have everything he needed, and more. My prayer was that my son would not be angry with me and hopefully one day he would understand that I was not letting him go, but rather saving him from any pain or suffering. I still had two more babies that needed me to protect them, because the man I was married to was their father and I feared for them. I needed to stay alive and fight for them. Holding my baby and saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
Speaker 1:
As I read that, you know, I can recall reliving that moment of when I had to take my son to go live with his father. And you might say well, why did you leave his dad? Well, we were very young we were 17 and 18 years old when we got married, and not the best decisions were made, and so, at the age of 22, we were divorced, and when I met my second husband, it didn't start off bad. It actually started out very well. I mean, he was everything that I thought that I wanted, and slowly the truth started to manifest itself into what it really was, and that was that he was a drug addict, and he was far into his drug addiction, so much so that it became a domestic violence situation, which is why it's very, very important for me to share my story, which is why I wrote my book Mommy on a Mission, because I wanted to share with other women that, whatever decision you make, you can leave the situation and leave safely.
Speaker 1:
The thing is, you need to have a plan of action in order for you to be able to leave safely. You have to have one, because without a plan, it's going to be very hard for you to leave that situation. Like I said, I mean it's. It's something that is dear to my heart. If I could save one person, then I know that I'm doing everything that I can in my power to bring awareness, and my book, mommy on a Mission, is all about that. It's about healing, and healing yourself from the pain and suffering that you've already endured. It's about self discovery, rediscovering who you are, and to learn all about yourself all over again, because when you're in a domestic violence situation, when you're living with this violence, you become someone completely different. You become someone you don't even recognize anymore.
Speaker 1:
And I say that because I know it, I've lived it, I've had to face myself many times and oftentimes did not even recognize the other person behind that mirror, and so it took me having a support system. But out of all of that, what it took, it took me to make a choice. Finally to make a choice. No matter how scared I was, no matter how much income I was making, I didn't. I couldn't let those things be the determining factor of whether I was gonna leave or not. And, to be honest with you, the determining factor came the day that my middle son, who was four years old, saw me get beat up, and I knew then that it was time for me to leave. It was time for me to get out. And of course you know I mentioned that in the book as well it's important that we educate ourselves, it's important that we educate others of the signs of domestic violence and to let them know that there are support groups out there for them, because it is a scary situation, but listening, believing and supporting survivors can make a huge difference. We shouldn't judge them for why they're still in that situation.
Speaker 1:
Some signs of domestic violence can be physical harm bruises, cuts, burns, broken bones. Emotional abuse can come away by belittling, name-calling, isolation from friends and family. So if you see someone who was very happy-go-lucky always, you know, laughing and smiling, and all of a sudden their demeanor changes and they become very serious, very standoffish at times, or perhaps don't even want to talk anymore, or, you know, make excuses as to why they don't want to be around. People Be mindful, you know. Look, look for those things.
Speaker 1:
Sexual abuse, unwanted or forced sexual activity Trust me, I've been there with that one too. Financial abuse, controlling money, preventing access to resources and this is for the woman or the man that can't make any decisions. They can't leave or they're not allowed to work, and the reason is well, why do you need to work? And I've had that happen to me too at one time. You know it's like why do you need to go to work? You know I need you to be home with the kids, and that's just a form of controlling you, stalking, monitoring and following the survivor. Oh my god, don't I remember that? Yes, all of these things. At some point or another within that marriage, I was experiencing each and one of these things. And how can we support a survivor, believe them and validate their experiences? Believing them?
Speaker 1:
Oftentimes people will protect the abuser a lot of times depending if that abuser is someone who has some type of recognition, like people know them, or they are someone in the city. You know, like they have some sort of power. People will have you look like your, like you're not telling the truth. You know the form of gaslighting, if you will, where they don't even want to recognize that you have a problem. Encourage the survivor to seek medical attention or counseling, you know. If you see that they've been hurt or whatever, encourage them to go to the hospital. Encourage them to see someone. I mean, be there for them if you can in that way and then, with resources such as hotlines or support groups, offer a safe place to stay, if needed. I could just recall moments when he would break in my apartment and I would be so afraid because by this point I had already left and that's where he felt like he could just come back and he would break into my apartment and I would tell my friends and they would offer me a place to stay for as long as I needed until I felt safe enough to go back home.
Speaker 1:
Have a safety plan, develop a safety plan, and that's what I mean by having a plan of action. Have a safety plan, you know. Start, if you're working, start saving money, start figuring out how much is it going to cost to get into another apartment or how much is it going to cost to move away. If you have a job, can you relocate from where you are to another city in order for you to continue to work? Who can you call for help? Is there somebody that you could go to and stay with in order for you to be in a safe environment? In the meantime, and if all else fails, then find out where the nearest shelters are for you and call the hotlines and ask them to help you create a safety plan if, if all, possible. If not, then let them know that you need refuge, that you need a place to stay, and respect their decisions and autonomy.
Speaker 1:
Listen y'all, I've been there. I'm telling you because I've been there and oftentimes people say well, mariana, why don't you just leave? Why don't you just leave? And I was buying time by that. Towards the end of this, I was starting to buy time. Why? Because I was creating a safety plan. I needed to know exactly when I could leave.
Speaker 1:
And that came the day that he was on one of his binges, because I knew that he would be gone. If he wasn't gone for days, he was going to be gone for at least a week. So I had that window of anywhere from three days to five days to get all of my things, pick, gather what I could gather and move away. And that's when I found my apartment. And when I say that I was barely making it, I was barely making it. I was making $9 an hour, working at a bilingual preschool and, fortunately, my children were there with me in a one bedroom apartment. The kids had the bedroom. Thankfully, it had two closets, so two walking closets. So that was good one was for them, one was for me and I was sleeping on the couch so my babies could have the bedroom. But you know, I didn't care. I wasn't looking at luxury, I wasn't looking at anything like. I just knew that I needed to get away. And after eight years, I finally did so.
Speaker 1:
Ladies, please know that it is possible. It is possible, and if you need additional resources, if you need to reach out somebody to somebody, or if you just need to know how to create a safety plan, please reach out to me. I'm here to help you. I am now a certified life coach. I've been in the industry for 13 14 years, but my life history can let you know that I've been there, that I can help equip you with everything that you need in order for you to exit carefully and safely. So, please, if this message resonates with anyone and you need to start healing and you need the support and you need the resources, please do not hesitate to DM me on Instagram or on Facebook or email me directly. All my contact links are going to be in the show notes, but it's very important for me to tell you that you are not alone. So if you are going through something like that and this message is hitting you right now, or if it's starting to trigger you, please, it's not intended to trigger you. It's intended for you to know that there is a way, there's a way out, and if you're scared, or if you're, if you don't know how to start. Once again, I'm gonna say please reach out to me. I will do everything that I can to walk those steps with you. So, miss Amoris, thank you so much for tuning in today's episode.
Speaker 1:
I know this one was a little bit, you know, hard, but it it was one that I've been wanting to do. It took me some time and I know it's the end of the month. But listen, my book, mommy on a mission is for sale. If you want to purchase the book, you can purchase it on my website or you can go to Amazon. If you purchase it on my website, a portion of the proceeds are going to go to a local shelter or a portion of the proceeds will go to a mo ahead who is ready to create their exit plan and who's ready to move on. If it means providing you a deposit for a new place, then please purchase my book.
Speaker 1:
I'm trying to raise funds so that I can help at least one woman escape their situation. So, once again, you know hopefully you have a better appreciation of why domestic violence awareness month is such a crucial time and how we can all support survivors and, in honor of this month, like I said, a portion of the proceeds for my book, mommy on a mission a guide towards healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence, will be donated to either a local shelter or a mommy who is ready to make that exit. And remember if you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, there is help available. The national domestic violence hotline can be contacted at 1-800-799-SAFE. That's SAFE.
Speaker 1:
Thanks for tuning in and don't forget to share this episode with your friends and family to help raise awareness and, until next Wednesday, keep fighting for what you believe in and I will see y'all next Wednesday on mommy on a mission podcast. If you are hearing this message, you've listened to the entire episode and for that I want to say me gracias from the bottom of my heart. If you would like to dive deeper into today's message and would like to connect me, send the DM on Instagram at all a mommy on a mission, or Facebook at mommy on a mission. You can also find me at mommy on a mission dot com. I hope you've enjoyed this new episode and if you did, it would mean the world to me if you would subscribe, share this podcast and leave me a review on Spotify and Apple podcast or wherever you listen to your podcast. Tune in next week for some more words of motivation, inspiration and encouragement on mommy on a mission.