Have you ever found yourself entangled in the silent battles of rivalry and gossip? I'm Mariana, and I've waded through these murky waters, both in the office and my personal life. It's time to address the elephant in the room: why do women compete viciously instead of lifting each other up? With raw honesty, I share stories from the front lines of female competition, dissecting the historical and societal roots that have sown discord among us. It's not just a candid confession; it's a rallying cry for change. We'll dissect why these patterns exist and how we can shift from discord to harmony, crafting a new narrative of empowerment and support.
The journey doesn't stop at acknowledging the problem; it's also about forging a path to solidarity. Witness the transformation as we discuss the art of collaboration, taking cues from the unparalleled teamwork found in sports. I highlight the lessons learned from women who embrace the ethos of "iron sharpens iron," and we'll tackle the tough situations in professional settings where rivalry can be at its peak. The focus is on creating a culture of mutual success through strategies like setting healthy boundaries, addressing workplace negativity with professionalism, and seeking mediation to build bridges. Join the conversation for an empowering shift from rivalry to unbreakable alliances among women.
Have you ever found yourself entangled in the silent battles of rivalry and gossip? I'm Mariana, and I've waded through these murky waters, both in the office and my personal life. It's time to address the elephant in the room: why do women compete viciously instead of lifting each other up? With raw honesty, I share stories from the front lines of female competition, dissecting the historical and societal roots that have sown discord among us. It's not just a candid confession; it's a rallying cry for change. We'll dissect why these patterns exist and how we can shift from discord to harmony, crafting a new narrative of empowerment and support.
The journey doesn't stop at acknowledging the problem; it's also about forging a path to solidarity. Witness the transformation as we discuss the art of collaboration, taking cues from the unparalleled teamwork found in sports. I highlight the lessons learned from women who embrace the ethos of "iron sharpens iron," and we'll tackle the tough situations in professional settings where rivalry can be at its peak. The focus is on creating a culture of mutual success through strategies like setting healthy boundaries, addressing workplace negativity with professionalism, and seeking mediation to build bridges. Join the conversation for an empowering shift from rivalry to unbreakable alliances among women.
Welcome back to another episode of Mommy on a Mission podcast, the podcast that empowers Latina women, and all women, to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. I'm your host, mariana, and I am thrilled to have you join me today for a deep dive into a topic that's just been going through my mind here lately, especially over something that I just kind of been experiencing lately as well. But before we jump into today's discussion, I want you to grab your cup of coffee, sit down, get yourself some fondulce and then let's settle in for some real talk. Hello, hello, and welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast, where empowerment meets inspiration. I'm your host, mariana, a life coach and author, on a mission to help Latina women, and all women, to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. Join me on this incredible adventure as we dive into compelling subjects that will uplift, motivate and ignite your passion. Get ready to be inspired, empowered and never give up on your dreams. This is the podcast where we turn dreams into unstoppable missions. Are you ready? All right, let's dive right on in.
Speaker 1:
So I want to ask this have you ever noticed how there's, how there seems to be this like underlying sense of rivalry or gossip among women. I mean, I know that historically it happens everywhere, but I think the question that is always asked is why? Why does it always have to be like this, especially at work or in your personal life, right, it's like there's this unspoken competition or tension that often hinders us from truly supporting each other. And why is that? I mean like, why do we sometimes find it challenging to uplift each other, empower each other, instead of succumbing to this division and to gossip? I mean, like it's, it's just everywhere. There has never been a workplace that I've gone to you know.
Speaker 1:
You find that group of moquettes right that you just click with and you know that you can trust them. You know that you can hang out with them because there's something about them right that gives you that feeling of yeah, you know, like right, when you first meet them. And then you've got that. I like to call it the spirit of discernment, like you know that with certain people and you probably just had like maybe a five second conversation like right, but you know that this is a person like you're like oh, wait a minute, I don't know about this person, like I'm going to have to like really get to know them to see what they're really about. And then they show their true selves each and every time and it's like, no matter how much you, just how much you try it, just I don't know, it just falls right back into that trap, right? But before all that, let's unpack this a bit.
Speaker 1:
Okay, first off, let's acknowledge that societal norms and historical conditioning have played a significant role in shaping these dynamics. Like from when we are little girls, many of us are taught to view other women as competition rather than allies. Where do we see this at? We see it in the media, we've seen it in TV. I know like for myself, you know, you had to be thin, you had to look a certain way. And what happens is when we're like, even in elementary school, because of these commercials, because of what you see, because of the magazines, you know they, the picture is you have to look a certain way, you have to talk a certain way, you have to act a certain way. If not, then you're nothing.
Speaker 1:
And then for that person that, let's say, comes from a Not so privileged background, I guess, to say the least, and we, you try to go into certain places and you're just trying to fight your way into, to be accepted by everyone else. Because, granted, you know there's, there's individuals that didn't have very much growing up but they work their asses off to go to college, to succeed in their academics, to be able to Get out of what they're used to growing into, right, that you know, living poorly or living without much, whereas you've got those individuals that had everything given to them. Perhaps they, you know, they had a home, they had their own bedroom, like for me. I never had my own room and to this very day I still have my own room because I had a twin sister, so I had to share with her. And then we had other siblings, and then I had a whole bunch of cousins and we all just had to share with each other because there was no room in that. And, mind you, I grew up in a household where it was nine granddaughters the grandson didn't come to way later, right, but there's nine granddaughters and we all had to grow up together, and we ought to be.
Speaker 1:
And even within that, there was competition with amongst us, right, because we're taught that. We're taught that that we have to compete. We have to compete for either affection, we have to compete for the things that we want. There's always that sense of competition. Now, I'm not gonna say that that doesn't happen with men, but the thing about it is is that with us ladies we can be some savages. I mean, I'm just gonna be honest with you, we can be some savages and that's sad. It it's like really, really sad, because it's like we don't know how To be happy for one another at times, right like there's always that sense of having to. Just yeah, I mean like we put each other down, we insult each other, we degrade each other, we talk about each other behind our backs. And I say we, because if, if I say that I've never done those things, I'd be lying to you because I have.
Speaker 1:
But I've also had to learn some very, very valuable lessons with that, because there were times that I was the one and that Got shut down, and then I was also the person that maybe has shut someone else down, and that wasn't right, that wasn't cool for me to do that either. But yet we learn to do these things and so I want to go ahead and Shift our mindset a little bit and embrace this sense of sisterhood. So, instead of seeing other women as threats, let's view them as Comadres on the same Journey. When we lift each other up, we all rise together. And it's about fostering a supportive environment when we celebrate each other successes and offer a helping hand when we need it and see and that's another thing. Right, because sometimes it's hard for us to accept a helping hand. And that is hard Because we also have that mindset of superwoman, like we want to be the super women. We want to show everybody that we can handle it, we can do it.
Speaker 1:
And the truth of the matter is is that sometimes we need to accept that help there's nothing wrong with accepting that help or we feel like Sometimes we don't trust the person that is trying to help us, and perhaps there was a reason behind that. Right, we don't know who we can trust, and that, there again, is another sad part to that. So you might be thinking but how can we be more like men in that aspect? Right, because not to say that men ask for help. However, when there is a helping hand, need it, they know how to do it in such a way Because they know they have to work as a team.
Speaker 1:
We see that a lot that men have to work, especially within sports. Right, like, sports is a team thing. It's not an I thing, it's a team thing, and men have to, you know, learn how to work with each other in order to compete. And let me tell you, it's not about, you know, emulating male behavior that's not what I'm talking about, but rather adopting certain qualities that can help promote unity and collaboration. Just like I said, you know, they know how to work together as a team. I think that for some of us, when we even try to work together as a team, it's like a lot of chiefs and not enough Indians, like we want to make all the decisions and things like that, and we don't let each other have a voice.
Speaker 1:
Sometimes, right, and it baffles me, but I will say this, within the last few years, or over the years, I have learned that there are women that truly, truly are about wanting to lift each other up, which is how I learned that concept. I didn't always know it, I didn't always practice it, but I learned that there truly are women out there that want to help another, mojad out, and I started learning a lot more about this, or seeing about this especially. I think I got my first real glimpse of that and I've said it before in other episodes when I lived in Oklahoma City, like I had a group of women that truly did stand behind Proverbs 2717. That says iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another and what this verse is doing. It beautifully encapsulates the idea of mutual growth and empowerment. Just like iron sharpens iron, we can sharpen and uplift each other through our interactions and support. And, like I said, I've experienced that. I experienced how women came alongside of me and they really did fill me up with encouragement when I wasn't feeling my best. They came in and kind of filled in those gaps for me and they really truly were, and I knew. I knew that I could really trust these women. And the crazy thing is is that I worked in a place where it was nothing but women and maybe one or two just did not know how to mesh well with us and together as a team. For those of us that did work together, we had to teach them how, that we are not a single entity here, that we work together, we're there for one another and we are a tribe.
Speaker 1:
Now, when moving back to Texas and I started getting into my career, that's when I saw some major shifts, like in career oriented women. Because let me tell you, there are some people that will want to do some short handed stuff, that will throw people under the bus, that will pretend to be your friend and they will not be behind you, like if you made a mistake, they are not going to vouch for you at all, like you know, whatever and they will set you up for sabotage. And I see this a lot in career oriented women, more so than those that are not career oriented, and it's like pure savage mode. I kid you not, and I see that still. You know, I still see that, and it's crazy to me because we're career women and yet a lot of us can act like that.
Speaker 1:
So what about those individuals who seem intent on stirring the pot? How do we handle them? While we're striving for inclusivity, like, I'm one of those people that I will try my best, I give you the benefit of the doubt until you do be wrong, and I am going to you know, talk to you and stuff. But this is where boundaries come into play. Right, because while we're trying to be inclusive, which is essential, but it's also crucial to recognize when someone's actions are detrimental to the collective well-being Like setting boundaries doesn't mean shutting people out right, because we still have to work with them, we still have to be around them, we still have to be professional, but rather we need to maintain a healthy balance between being inclusive and self-respect.
Speaker 1:
Right? Like there's not going to be very many people that I work with, that I would want to go out to dinner with or hang out with, go to the movies with they're not, or that I will invite to certain functions. There really isn't, because, as much as we can try to include them or be inclusive or what have you, we cannot change the agenda that they already have in their mind, especially when we've already tried to address the situation. Right? So there's those times where there is someone that feels like we're not including them, or they feel like we don't want to talk to them or for whatever reason. Right, and we don't understand. Like you try your best, you're doing everything that you can, you try to include her in some conversation, or you try to include that person at events or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1:
And then the next thing, you know, you hear that they're talking about you behind your back, like, oh, she doesn't like me, or she doesn't this, or she acts like she's better than everybody else and you're like, wait, what, what are you talking about? Like, where is this coming from? And then it becomes like this gossip thing right In the workplace and we're navigating, you know, personal relationships, and it's like, okay, am I missing something here? Right, like what is going on here? And so the thing is is that we do have to remember that solidarity among women is not just a lofty ideal. It's a tangible goal that we can actively work towards, right? So it's like I said, it's about addressing the gossip, you know, addressing that person.
Speaker 1:
And even if you know that you've done everything that you could to handle the situation, especially if it's at work and it becomes a problem, then there has to be a point where you know what I've done, all that I can. We need a mediator, we need somebody else that is going to be part of this conversation, because at this point I don't know what else to do, right, and so we need to be mindful of those things. Or even in our personal relationship, like when we have friends on the outside that are not work related people and you've already spoken to them and you've tried to handle that situation, it's like, okay, what do you need Because? Or where is this coming from? Let's have this conversation Instead of being scared and talking about each other behind each other's back then let's show a little bit of courage. Let's show a little bit of I don't know what's the word. I would just say let's just be courageous. Right, it's gonna take being vulnerable, it's gonna take being courageous. It's gonna be scary, it's gonna be uncomfortable, but we need to talk to each other.
Speaker 1:
And I will say this even for myself. Like, let's say, for instance, having a conversation with my husband, he says I cannot read your mind. If something's bothering you or if things aren't going, you know, if something's wrong, I need for you to talk to me like point blank, just be direct. And that's how my husband is. He's like very point blank, very direct. He doesn't sugarcoat anything and he just comes out and says that sometimes I don't like his delivery, but at least he's telling me something, right. Yet I'm the one that goes all the way around that subject matter, like I take it three different directions before I even get to the part. Why? Because it's so hard for me.
Speaker 1:
So something that I've learned to do is, especially when I'm about to confront a situation, I really have to write down my thoughts. I have to write it down the way I would wanna say it, but then I have to go back, review it, look at it and then go back and write it down the way I need to say it. And that's just to resolve a situation, because it just makes it easier. Why? Because there's no interruption. That person has to read it, the person cannot interrupt your thoughts and it doesn't sidetrack you into something completely different. Or if you know that the person that you have to confront or talk to about whatever problem is going on, and you know that they are a confrontational person, then perhaps it's best that you do just kind of like write it down, have a dialogue, first on paper and then actually try to have a conversation, because the thing is is that it can only escalate and we have to remember, y'all, that we are in this together. We are in this race together. We are here to support one another and to learn how to love each other and not be so competitive. That's why I'm so excited that in the last couple of years now transitioning into my own business, having my podcast, being an author Like I have really surrounded myself with like-minded women that we're not competing. I have other author friends. I have other podcast friends Sometimes they're both and we are collaborating together. We join forces together to help each other grow, because I know that when I pour into somebody else and they pour back into me, then we're gonna grow together right and y'all.
Speaker 1:
The market is open for everyone, everyone. It doesn't matter. Some people may not like what I write, some people may not like to hear this podcast. Some people may not want to work with me as their life coach, and that's okay. But you know what? I have another Amiga that perhaps that person would be more best suited for you. Maybe their podcast, maybe the way that she delivers it, is going to resonate with you a lot more. Maybe you're gonna receive it a lot better than listening to this one.
Speaker 1:
But here's one thing that I will have to say is that there is room for everybody. Nobody's gifts, nobody's talents are wasted. There is enough for everyone to go around and we just need to learn how to embrace that. We need to learn how to have these conversations and how to be there for each other. So that is the topic for today.
Speaker 1:
Honestly, I wanna say every time I get on this podcast and I talk about things, because a lot of times when I'm talking about something is because I'm going through something. I'm just being honest, I'm just being transparent because I'm not perfect and I don't have it all together. But sometimes, you know, I come on here and talk about Certain subject matter because perhaps I'm going through something too and it's just, it's just helpful. It's just helpful. This is, for me, is healing, this is therapeutic, because I'm throwing it out there and perhaps maybe there's this is something that you're going through, or perhaps this is something that you're battling with right and it takes another. I mean, you got to, kind of like, introduce that conversation and Let you know that, hey, you are not alone on this right and we need to learn how to, like I said, embrace each other and be there for each other. Okay, alright.
Speaker 1:
So, with that being said, we've reached the end of today's episode. I hope this conversation has sparked some introspection and inspired you to foster Solidarity within your own circles and, as always, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for tuning into mommy on a mission podcast. As always, please Share, subscribe this podcast. Leave me a review. Let me know.
Speaker 1:
On Spotify there's a. You know there's a Q&A on there. Let me know your thoughts, give me some of your input. I'd like to hear from you what you thought of this episode or what you thought about the topic. And Until next time, stay strong, stay empowered and remember juntas somos mas fuertes. If you are hearing this message, you've listened to the entire episode and for that I want to say Me gracias from the bottom of my heart. If you would like to dive deeper into today's message and would like to connect me, send the DM on Instagram at all our mommy on a mission, or Facebook at mommy on a mission. You can also find me at mommy on a mission calm. I hope you've enjoyed this new episode and if you did, it would mean the world to me If you would subscribe, share this podcast and leave me a review on Spotify and Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to your podcast. Tune in next week for some more words of motivation, inspiration and encouragement on mommy on a mission.