Have you ever unwrapped a compliment only to find a critique hidden inside? My own birthday celebration brought this bittersweet reality to the forefront, leaving a lingering taste of self-doubt and reflection. Throughout the episode, I bear my soul, sharing a deeply personal journey from the sting of backhanded praise to the transformative power of genuine affirmation. As we traverse the cultural intricacies and silent expectations woven into the fabric of Latina communication, the conversation takes a tender turn with an eye-opening exchange between my daughter and me. This poignant moment redefines the essence of mindful speech and the profound impact it has on our self-esteem and the fortifying bonds of our relationships.
Words carry the weight of worlds, a truth poignantly illustrated through the heart-wrenching stories of lives deeply scarred by callous words. Drawing from the wisdom of Proverbs 16:24, this episode serves as a stark reminder of the dual-edged sword that is our speech, wielded with the power to heal or harm. I guide listeners through the emotional battlefield of cyberbullying and personal loss, including my sister's battle with its indelible scars, to emerge with a message of resilience and hope. As we close, I extend an invitation to continue this vital conversation on recognizing our inherent value, the courage to confront and challenge when necessary, and the unyielding belief in the unique light that each of us holds within.
Have you ever unwrapped a compliment only to find a critique hidden inside? My own birthday celebration brought this bittersweet reality to the forefront, leaving a lingering taste of self-doubt and reflection. Throughout the episode, I bear my soul, sharing a deeply personal journey from the sting of backhanded praise to the transformative power of genuine affirmation. As we traverse the cultural intricacies and silent expectations woven into the fabric of Latina communication, the conversation takes a tender turn with an eye-opening exchange between my daughter and me. This poignant moment redefines the essence of mindful speech and the profound impact it has on our self-esteem and the fortifying bonds of our relationships.
Words carry the weight of worlds, a truth poignantly illustrated through the heart-wrenching stories of lives deeply scarred by callous words. Drawing from the wisdom of Proverbs 16:24, this episode serves as a stark reminder of the dual-edged sword that is our speech, wielded with the power to heal or harm. I guide listeners through the emotional battlefield of cyberbullying and personal loss, including my sister's battle with its indelible scars, to emerge with a message of resilience and hope. As we close, I extend an invitation to continue this vital conversation on recognizing our inherent value, the courage to confront and challenge when necessary, and the unyielding belief in the unique light that each of us holds within.
Hello, hello, good morning and welcome to another episode of Mommy on a Mission podcast, the podcast that empowers Latina women, and all women, to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. I'm your host, mariana, and today we are going to dive into a topic that's close to the hearts of many mujeres. Why do we struggle to give compliments without pointing out a flaw? Well, grab your cafecito and join me this morning as we talk about this topic. Hello, hello, and welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast, where empowerment meets inspiration. I'm your host, mariana, a life coach and author, on a mission to help Latina women, and all women, to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. Join me on this incredible adventure as we dive into compelling subjects that will uplift, motivate and ignite your passion. Get ready to be inspired, empowered and never give up on your dreams. This is the podcast where we turn dreams into unstoppable missions. Are you ready? Let's go.
Speaker 1:
So picture this Now. Sound like Sophia from the Golden Girls, right? Picture this Sicily 1956. No, but seriously. Picture this. It's your 50th birthday. Okay, it was fine, a milestone to be celebrated, right?
Speaker 1:
You're feeling fabulous, surrounded by loved ones, and then comes the moment of receiving compliments and you feel amazing, you look amazing. They say you've lost weight, haven't you? Or dang, how much weight have you lost, right? And then you just start, and just when you start to like bask in the warmth of those words, there it is the backhanded compliment, but your arms are a little bit flabby, like girl. I know this already. I know that my arms are flabby, I know that I've got some flab around my body. I'm 50 years old. Like, seriously, but why, why, why, why, right? This is a scenario that many, many, many of you have experienced including myself, have experienced, because this actually happened to me where a compliment comes with the side of criticism and the question is why is it so common, like, why do we struggle to offer praise without pointing out imperfections? Could it be that we've internalized the idea that perfection is the only standard worth striving for? Or maybe it's because, especially if I will just say you know so many of us Latina women we have this tendency to do that. We see someone and like I see Cedev bonita, but I know, como que el vestido le queda un poco rabón, I know, pues, se le ve bien el pelo y todo, pero le hubieran hecho esto, right? Like we can't ever say something and just leave it alone, like we can't just say, oh you look fantastic, you look great, that is bonita, that is chula, without ever pointing something out. And we do that.
Speaker 1:
I'm guilty of it. I'm not gonna lie here, I'm gonna just be straight up, honest with you. I have been guilty of it as a matter of fact. Just the other day I did that to my very own daughter, right, like she's a twig, she's very, very, very thin and she likes to snack a lot. The girl has a very fast metabolism. So did I at one time, so did my husband. But as we get older, what happens? We tend to put on a little bit more weight, right.
Speaker 1:
And so I had said it, and I was saying it in a joking way. I said, girl, you better watch what you're eating at night, because it's gonna catch up with you later. And I saw the look on her face. And the look on her face was that look like wow, I can't believe. You just said that. And it stopped me in my tracks. Why? Because I had to remind myself of I'm older, I really it doesn't bother me anymore, but in some way it kind of does still sting a little right and so.
Speaker 1:
But I've remembered how I felt in the past and I once I realized that like, oh crap, I just did this to my own daughter and I had to apologize to her. And I did. I said, look, mija, you know what. I am so sorry that I said that that's not how I meant it or anything like that. You know, and I know that those were a poor choice of words. First and foremost, you are a very beautiful young lady and I want you to always feel that we love you, no matter how you look. You look great, you look amazing, and I want you to walk with that confidence. I don't wanna knock that confidence off of you because of this, of that small backhanded compliment that I met. Yes, it was small, insignificant in my mind, but to her it was huge.
Speaker 1:
And we have to remember that, that when we are talking to other mujeres, we have to understand that certain words hurt because we don't know from what place they're going to receive it from. Maybe that mohead is someone, maybe it's you, maybe you've heard negativity your whole entire life. Like anytime, you don't know how to receive a compliment and that's the problems. A lot of us don't even know how to receive a good compliment anymore without even pointing out our very own flaws. Like I could tell somebody, oh, you've got a really nice blouse on, or that outfit looks good on you, and they're like oh, there's something. Oh yeah, like yeah, but I could, you know, lose a few more pounds. Or or yeah, no, I don't know. Kind of like, and it's like girl just say thank you. You know, like I really meant that, thank you. But I think sometimes we forget that others have heard that so much that they don't even know how to receive a compliment. And then yet here are some that give you a compliment but gives you a backhanded response, and so we need to do a little bit better at giving compliments and meaning it without that backhanded remark, right?
Speaker 1:
So it's in moments like these that I often turn to scripture, and that's something that I actually did. You know I was. This past weekend was such a beautiful weekend, like the sun was out, I was sitting outside and I was just going through scripture because you know, I was just thinking about like wow, after I had said what I said to my daughter, I started to reflect back and think and I was like you know what if this came back. If I experienced this myself, and then here I go, turn around and do it to my own child, then I really need to pause a moment, think about it and and really take this to God, because it this is definitely something that I, too, need to work on for myself. So, anyways, there's a verse in the book of Proverbs it's chapter 16, verse 24 that says kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body, and what that is is it's a reminder that our words have power, that they can either lift someone up or tear tear them down right, and so we need to be mindful of that, because it truly can hurt someone.
Speaker 1:
So, just recently, I had submitted a request on a true crime podcast, because I also like true crime podcast, and I had submitted this story because I want that story to always be shared, to remember one of my closest, my dear friends. Their daughter back, I want to say, was in 2016 had committed suicide, and all because of cyber bullying. Now, mind you, this young lady, 19 years old, had these beautiful blue eyes, was tall, and I mean just beautiful. She was just a very beautiful person, was about to graduate high school and knew that she wanted to become a veterinary technician and she ends up breaking her and this guy end up breaking up or whatever, and he ends up finding another girlfriend. But it was both of them.
Speaker 1:
But I believe, if I'm not mistaken, it was because of the new girlfriend that the cyber bullying began, the jealousy. So they were always teasing her, created Facebook pages about you know, pretending to be her, calling her. You know that she was a fat pig and you know saying that, you know putting all these drawings on there, I mean all the things also stalking her on her phone. I mean, it was just a big mess and it got to be so, so much so that it started to take a toll on her, so much so that she ends up committing suicide in front of her family. All because of the cyber bullying, all because the insecurity from this woman, or this young girl now woman carried it even onto the boyfriend. They both are guilty, just as guilty as ever, for putting her in a position into which she felt like she had to take her own life.
Speaker 1:
And then I'm reminded, too, that my youngest sister had an insecurity. She was born with a cleft lip and beautiful inside and out, but always had that insecurity, was bullied when she was younger, was always teased and made fun of and ends up getting married. And the guy there was some comments that was made after my sister had taken her life that we learned that which this is the man that she married ends up saying that you know, he only married her for her money and because she wasn't very good looking, or anything like that. So I can only imagine what perhaps my sister might have been going through, to the point where she felt like she had to take her own life. Now, this subject matter is not about suicide, by no means. This is not where I'm going with this episode.
Speaker 1:
But what I do want to bring out is that when we are always so negative in pointing out people's flaws, it can get to the point where it'll end up, or it can end up, rather, to the point where someone does, you know they feel so insecure they shy away. They, you know they don't want to be around anybody, and they start to internalize all of these things that after a while, their self-esteem has been lowered, their confidence level has been lowered. They no longer see themselves the way other people who truly see them for who they really are they're now have, they have now been convinced by the negativity that they've heard, right? And so that's why I said we have to be very careful, you know, about the words that we use. And if we're going to compliment, then let's stick with complimenting, let's stick with, you know, being truly genuine with the person, right? So what can we do when we're faced with backhanded compliments? First and foremost, remember that you are enough because you are just as you are. Don't internalize someone else's negativity. Secondly, practice kindness, both towards yourself and others. And finally, if you feel comfortable, gently confront the issue. Say something like hey, thank you for the compliment, but I prefer not to focus on perceived flaws, right? Because what is that going to do? It's going to get them to think like oh crap, wow, you know, why did it mean like? Because you'll hear some people that'll say right, why didn't mean it like that? It does not matter. The fact of the matter is is that you did point it out, you did say that, and that can cause, like I said, it can cause hurt feelings. Now I personally, I just laughed it off. I didn't sit with it, I didn't dwell with it, I guess because it didn't bother me as much as it would have in the past.
Speaker 1:
I've learned to I guess you could say I've learned how to put myself in another person's position, like if that person is the one that's giving that backhanded Flaw, criticism or whatever. Then I have to think to myself From what place is that coming from? Now, mind you, this this is me, because, as a life coach, those are the things that I do is I start to question motives behind behaviors, and so I'll ask myself you know, where is this coming from? Perhaps this person is, you know, has their own insecurities, or perhaps they Don't know how to give a compliment because they to themselves don't know how to receive a compliment right, or they're not confident in themselves. Whatever the case may be. But sometimes I have to kind of like, put myself in that other person's Place just to kind of understand where it's coming from. Now I will probably bring it up. If it were to happen again, I Perhaps will bring it up.
Speaker 1:
But if you are someone that this is a consistent thing, where You're given a compliment and then the backhanded, you know stuff comes into play and it's bothering you, then I would say, please, first and foremost, pray about it and Then go to the person, not when you're mad, not when you're all hotheaded and stuff, because then you know that's good, all that's gonna do is bowl over and a fight can begin or start, or you know, whatever you stop talking to, you start unfriending each other, you start blocking each other because, hey, that happens even with the family, right? But instead pause a moment, take some time and Then say, hey, listen, can I talk to you about this? Because I, you know, there's something that you said to me that Really bothered me and I just wanted to bring it up and then again Talk it out and find out, see if you can understand why this person said what they said, like why was that necessary? Okay, so, I mean, guys, thank you so much for tuning in today. I just, like I said, I wanted to bring this topic up because, again, it's all about empowering each other, it's all about lifting each other up.
Speaker 1:
It's all about, you know, coming alongside one another and saying, oh la amiga, you know what, muy buen hecho or que bueno, or, you know, celebrating that person, celebrating your amiga, celebrating your comadre, celebrating your, your family member, your prima, your mana, whomever, but truly, truly complimenting and celebrating them. And again, this is about Adjusting and fixing each other's crowns to make sure that we are there to support one another, because, at the end of the day, we need that, we need to be supportive of one another, we need to be able to be there for each other and we can all strive when we come together. Okay, if you like this episode, you know, once again, please, I'm gonna ask you to share, subscribe. Leave me a rating, a comment, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:
If this episode Came at the right time for you, share that with me, let me know, because I do go back I you know and look at the reviews and stuff, because I always want to make sure that the material that I am covering is Something that's beneficial and that's going to hit a home for each and every one of us.
Speaker 1:
Okay, so remember, you are beautiful, you are worthy and you are enough. Until next time, keep shining your light bright. If you are hearing this message, you've listened to the entire episode and for that I want to say me Gracias from the bottom of my heart. If you would like to dive deeper into today's message and would like to connect me, send the DM, instagram at all I'm on a mission or Facebook at mommy on a mission. You can also find me at mommy on a missioncom. I hope you've enjoyed this new episode and if you did, it would mean the world to me if you would subscribe, share this podcast and leave me a review on Spotify and Apple podcast or wherever you listen to your podcast. Tune in next week for some more words of motivation, motivation, inspiration and encouragement on mommy on a mission.