Reclaiming Self: A Woman's Path Through Trauma to Empowerment

Have you ever stood at life's crossroads, weighed down by your past, yet yearning for a rebirth? Soodabeh Mokry's journey from the unrest in Iran to the shores of America is a testament to the resilience embedded in the human spirit. Our latest episode of MAMI on a Mission podcast features this nurse and hypnotherapist as she shares her riveting story of survival, growth, and transformation. The narrative of her book "Emerging You" is more than a memoir; it's a lighthouse for those navigating through their own stormy weathers, seeking to emerge into their most authentic selves.

The threads that weave the tapestry of women's lives are complex and often tangled with shared struggles of adversity. Soodabeh's story illuminates the path she took to re-establish her career in healthcare, push against being abandoned by her husband, and emerge with a renewed purpose in the United States. Her resilience is not just her own; it's a reflection of the universal battles women face and conquer. We traverse the contrast of expectations and reality, and how the strength garnered from her past has become a potent source of transformation and a guiding force for those on their healing journeys.

As you listen to Soodabeh speak, you'll recognize the echoes of your own strength and the power of forgiveness. She candidly discusses the turning points that led her to rebuild her life, the importance of mentorship and community support, and the cathartic process that allowed her to forge ahead. This episode is more than a conversation; it's an invitation to join a community that celebrates personal growth, recognizes the courage to move past trauma, and believes in the healing power of narratives. So, connect with us, as we honor the triumph of the human spirit and the indelible marks of resilience and healing.

To Connect with Soodabeh:
IG: @soodabehmokry
website: https://soodabehmokry.com/

To Connect with Mariana
IG: https://www.instagram.com/mamionamissionpodcast/
website: https://mamionamission.com

Transcript

Mariana: 0:06

Hello, hello and welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast, where empowerment meets inspiration.

Mariana: 0:12

I'm your host, Mariana, a life coach and author, on a mission to help Latina women, and all women, to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time. Join me on this incredible adventure as we dive into compelling subjects that will uplift, motivate and ignite your passion. Get ready to be inspired, empowered and never give up on your dreams. This is the podcast where we turn dreams into unstoppable missions. Are you ready? Let's go. Ready, let's go. Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of the Mommy on a Mission podcast, the podcast that empowers women to reach their impossible goals, one dream at a time.

Mariana: 0:57

And today I have the honor and the pleasure of speaking to this very wonderful, strong, resilient woman. I had the honor of reading her book and, oh my God, ladies, this book. Let me tell you, if you have never heard of it, if you've never read it, you need to put your hands on it and read her book. It's called Emerging you A New Path to Leaving the Past Behind, Finding your Purpose and Becoming the Best Version of you. And today I have the author and nurse. And she's also a hypnotherapist, certified hypnotherapist, correct? Ms Sudabeh Makri how are you today?

Soodabeh: 1:46

Oh, thank you, Mariana, I am great. Thank you so much for inviting me. I have listened to lots of your podcast interviews and I love who you are and what you stand for, and it's an honor to be here and speaking with you.

Mariana: 2:03

Well, thank you. Well, you know what. I just want to say this when we first spoke well, we haven't even officially spoke, so this is the first time we're actually officially speaking, but we've been having messages going back and forth, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. You know I do Because when I started reading your book, there were a lot of similarities in our lives. Of course, so many differences, but yet there were so many similarities. And we're going to be able to talk a little bit about what I've learned about you. But first, before we even get started, please share a little bit about who you are.

Soodabeh: 2:46

Thank you, mariana. Yes, my name is Sudwe Mokri and I am originally from Iran. I moved to America about 34 years ago and, overcoming a lot of adversities, I had to take control of my life and try to figure out who I am. Where did I come from and where am I going? And not, you know, from the city of or the country of. It's just in a better and more like a sole purpose. What is my purpose in life?

Soodabeh: 3:19

And I learned that with every experience that I had, I became stronger and I love that thing that it says what. It doesn't kill you, make you stronger. And there are times like, okay, god, I think that's enough, I am strong, I am strong, I promise. So that's what you know. Know, life tries. The experiencing trauma sharpens us, it makes us to learn the thing that we nobody taught us and we didn't believe about ourselves. So that is how my story started and that's why I decided to not only, you know, become a nurse, but also learn other modalities and other tools. Because, for me, going and overcoming, experiencing and overcoming all the adversities and the challenges and life helped me. Certain modality gave me a little bit tool, because healing has many layers as we heal one aspects of ourselves. There are the next layer, because we are these powerful souls in physical form that we come here to learn, to grow and evolve and we go through these life lessons. So every lesson brings us closer to that best version of ourselves a little bit.

Mariana: 4:52

I have to agree with you, and you know, usually the podcast is usually towards the Latina women. But you know, I've been having this thing in my mind that I want to kind of change that a bit. I've been having this thing in my mind that I want to kind of change that a bit, because one of the things that your book did for me was give me an understanding that, no matter what country we're coming from, women go through so many things, so many similar things. It doesn't matter about race, it doesn't matter about where you're from, it doesn't matter what color you are. None of those matters because, as women, there's something that unifies all of us because of the pain, the hurts that we go through and that we experience, and that to me, it was shared when I was reading your book. Now this is actually your second book, is that correct?

Mariana: 5:44

Because you have one prior to this one. There is one out there before this one. Tell me a little bit about the first book and then we're going to dive deep into what you wrote here in Emerging you. But what is the first book based on?

Soodabeh: 5:58

Yes, the first book is more of my story of how I grew up. You know life before revolution took place because, especially nowadays, that you hear, you know in the news, the global news, about Iran. I'm from Iran, the land of trouble. But it wasn't the land of trouble before 1979, prior to the revolution took place. So it was.

Soodabeh: 6:32

If we had the freedom to dress however we like, we had the freedom to choose whatever religion or spiritual belief, we had the freedom to do whatever we want. We had women in Senate, in lawyers, in surgeons and everything. And then, unfortunately, when 79 happens, the revolution took place, everything changed. They came to say we are going to make the country a better one for you, we are going to give you more freedom, we are going to give you more money and because Iran is really good about having the oil, they are famous for the oil and that they sell and they said, well, we are going to share the profit of the oil that we sell to other countries with you. And then, you know, one year after the revolution took place, they started taking the rights away from people. They started taking the rights away from people, especially from women, from educated people, and they tried to close all the colleges and universities in Iran one year after they came.

Soodabeh: 7:50

So there are a lot of stories about how Iran looked like, how my life was looked like and how a revolution took place, how I um went through that, you know um injuries and because I was tortured. I was captured, tortured, beaten into a coma and all of these things. How I got married, how my life was to the point to I had to escape from Iran and come to America. And also, as a result of the thing that I went through, that gave me that connections with the higher power, with that spiritual divinity within us, and how I learned to use my tools, is that the end of the third section in that book has inspiring and heartwarming stories of my patients, how I helped them some of them transition to the spirit world and some of them gain their health and vitality and the clients that they came and work with me. So it's a lot of stories about how I, what was the reason that I decided to change and how I use that change, those tools, to help with a lot of my patients and my clients. Wow.

Mariana: 9:04

Wow, wow. And that's where, in listening to what you're saying, that's where now I'm familiar with a lot of those things that have occurred in your life, because you share a lot of that in this book of Emerging you and the very first chapter. Once I read that I was like, oh my God, already she's coming into a new country and facing this moment of. I like how you shared it here. So I'm just going to say you said that I had waited three years to be reunited with Hamid, my husband of 10 years. We had two children together, my husband of 10 years. We had two children together. I had sacrificed my safety, my job and my family to join him in our new home in the US from our old home in Iran. Now it felt like I had wasted, rather than given so much time, energy and money to be here, to be happy, to be free. I was living with a man who I'm no longer knew and, perhaps even worse, who no longer seemed to recognize me. I had to take a step, but which way? When I read those words from the very beginning, I wasn't understanding at first what was happening. But what struck me was the fact that, in your mind, coming to the United States, you had all of these wonderful expectations. You had this dream of being reunited with your husband, your children's finally going to have mom and dad together. You know you're coming to America and you're going to be living this great American dream, right? And then you mentioned how, instead of being inside the airport because we see those videos, right we see those videos of families when they're being reunited. They haven't seen each other for years. They have the balloons, they have all of these things. And then your expectation is well, I'm going to be received with this big grand. You know whatever, you know whatever that was for you just to be received by him circling the parking lot, getting in, acknowledging the children and kind of just giving you that friendly pat on the shoulder like hey, how are you? And it's like talk about deception, feeling so what's happening.

Mariana: 11:33

And then to just did I do something? Because y'all had already been separated, not because you wanted to, but because he was coming here initially to build this better life for you all, because of what was going on in Iran, because you even shared in your story how you were in college. You were captured. I believe you said you were raped. Yes, I was tortured, tortured, that's right, tortured. And then, knowing that you were already kind of, in a way, targeted, you're still in this hiding mode, anticipating getting to your husband, a husband who, if I recall, your mom didn't even approve of from the beginning, and you, in a way, rebelled against her and it's like no, you're not going to tell me who I'm going to marry. I'm going to marry this man, because this is the man that I love and this is the man that I want to be with. I can only imagine the thoughts that were going through your head when this was happening, and then maybe hearing mom's voice. How was that?

Soodabeh: 12:49

Yes, mom's know better. Yes, I was. I was shocked in disbelief because two months before that I had lost my brother in a car accident. I was grieving for the loss of my brother. I was grieving, I didn't know what to do, where life was going. How did I end up here?

Soodabeh: 13:15

You know, after everything that I experienced for him and I kept it a secret for almost a year, maybe a little bit over a year I didn't tell my mom, I didn't tell my any of my family that he didn't want me anymore. And it was so difficult to digest that even after one year, when I finally told everyone and they asked me what did you do? What did you do that he left you. And that was just a slap in the face. And then I realized I said, hmm, I did a good, I made a good decision, that was a good idea not to go back to Iran. And that is a part of the thing that, when I was talking about trauma and the trauma that I had experienced until that moment, when I got here and I thought this man that I love, that was everything. I trusted with him, with everything, every ounce of my being, I realized that all the dreams were shattered and that's why, growing up with a mentality that I wasn't good enough, I wasn't smart enough. You know, I was short and everybody was mocking me and life was literally forcing me, pushing me out of that comfort zone, out of that mentality. Come on, sudeb, you can do it and I joke about it, like you know the spirit, my angels were cheering for me. Come on, sudeb, you are coming so close, baby, just do it, just go, just go.

Soodabeh: 15:03

And we don't believe in ourselves. That's the thing and that's why I wanted to write my books. I want, that's why I am here and speaking with you. That's what we are, both of us.

Soodabeh: 15:15

We are trying to help women because, as, specifically, it doesn't matter where we are, we are born with all the culture, all the countries, every place, the best place in the world the women are not as good as men. That's why the concept is that's what the society tells us and everything that I went through, being, you know coming, this um, powerful soul in that specific little short body of mine and and it was because of the my soul was trying to tell me get out of, break down all these barriers and just walk and just talk and just write and do everything you can, because as we do that for ourselves, we learn to accept who we are. We change that old belief, we transform our mindset and rewire all the old beliefs that it was generational. As we do that we take care of generational, of women coming came before us and our many generations that are going to come after us, you're changing the world.

Mariana: 16:32

Yes, and I have to agree with you, and I'll say this because I believe you. How old were you when you lost your father?

Mariana: 16:42

I was 13 years old when I lost my father and I was 10 when I lost your father. I was 13 years old when I lost my father and I was 10 when I lost my father, and so I am one of the oldest in my family. So I have a twin sister, but I was always seen as almost like the oldest one. So after my dad passed away, that is when a transition occurred. I had to, because my mother isn't from the United States either. My mother comes from Mexico, so English was a huge barrier for her right.

Mariana: 17:18

However, my mother did not come to this country with an education other than a sixth grade education. She married my father, my father being from America, my mom being from Mexico but she came from one house into another Right and she was very young. She was 18 and so had us at 19, but was a housewife. So she dedicated her life to my dad, to us children, but my dad was not a very easy man to live with. So already I experienced physical abuse by my father, verbal abuse and emotional abuse and I'm not going to say just myself, but my sister as well, plus my mother. But there was a resentment that started to form on my mother. I had a lot of resentment towards my mom because I felt like she wasn't doing enough to do better, and I would tell myself that I did not want to be like her. I did not want to be like my mom. I didn't want to go through the things that she went through. I wasn't going to accept someone, you know, treating me this way. I wasn't going to have someone that was going to treat me the way that my dad treated us, but yet I was there for my mom. You know translating for her having to do these things and then becoming her right arm in a way, to the point that when she did marry my stepfather right arm in a way to the point that when she did marry my stepfather I felt like I no longer had a place and I was very, very lost, very confused, and didn't know how to grieve. I didn't know that I was actually grieving during those teenage years, but I didn't understand what grieving truly was. I didn't understand how to articulate that. I was sad, that I was grieving. I was viewed as a very rebellious child and I chuckled because, as I was reading your story, that's how, in a way, you were viewed by your own mother like you were this rebellious child, when, in reality, you're trying to break some chains right, because your mother was now the woman that was having to do it all for her children. The only difference is that, I believe, is that your mom was pushing you to get an education, whereas my mom was pushing me to be a housewife. You know that's that was her ideal for us, because that's all she knew. No one was there to push her to receive an education, so she didn't know how to push us to receive an education. And so there was that tension between us, tension that I ended up trying, at 12 years old, trying to commit suicide, and it was so.

Mariana: 20:11

When I read that piece in your book where you said that you went to the restroom and you saw the aspirin bottles and you took the aspirins. That's exactly what I did, but I was 12 years old when I did that. I took these two big jumbo aspirins One was Advil, one was Tylenol and I took both of them and I remember the next morning waking up with this excruciating headache, feeling dizzy and all of these things, but I actually managed to get me to vomit, get it all out of my system and stuff. But I did not get words of comfort from my mom. I got anger. She was very angry with me and she couldn't believe. I felt like I disappointed her and what I was really seeking was for her to hug me and tell me that it's okay, she loved me and that we were going to get through this, or that there was going to be some form of compassion. And at that moment I didn't. I didn't understand why. I didn't understand why. Now that I'm a mother, I can understand that her way of coping was by showing anger, but I did. I had those same feelings. I had very similar feelings as yourself that we weren't good enough, that we couldn't achieve enough. I always got that I was never going to finish anything because I was always viewed as somebody that started something and never finished it.

Mariana: 21:48

Uh, and as much as I didn't want to be in a relationship that was abusive, my second husband was actually the man that actually did the most abusing. And just like you came a point in my life like who in the hell did I marry? Like who in the hell did I marry? Like who is this man that I married? Because I eventually learned about all of the lies that were coming with it the infidelity, the drug use. Then, because of that came the physical, verbal, emotional and sexual abuse came from him and I felt like I was living with a stranger.

Mariana: 22:25

And one of the things that I read in your book is that moment when your brother-in-law tells you Sudhavit, you've got to do something, you have to make a change in your life, you need to do this for your children, you need to do this for your children, you need to do this for you. And one of the things that I saw in here because most people who come to our country come with an education a lot of them because I am a career coach, so I helped a lot of the women and men that came into our country that had a career but yet were working in restaurants, were cleaning, were doing this, they were trying to get their ESL and what they didn't realize is that they could get their transcripts evaluated and translated. And I was so excited when I saw that part in your book, when you said, okay, these are the things that I need to do, but walk me through your steps. Walk me through that moment.

Soodabeh: 23:33

Yes, part of my transcript from my nursing because I was a nurse in Iran. I worked 10 years in a university hospital. So part of my transcript because I was escaping, I couldn't go get it from the school that I was getting out, I mean because I wasn't supposed to, it was a secret, I wasn't supposed to tell anybody. I was, you know, leaving the country so I couldn't get as much information. So part of the nursing school is no matter where you go, you go there are information that you are, I mean the classes that you take, and then there are going to be the clinical hours that you work directly with the patient and everything. So I didn't have those clinical hours. So, coming here I when I went and talked to my to director of nursing program and she said show me your transcript and she said there is no clinical hour, so I wasn't. I couldn't even sit down and take the board exam to be a nurse, which I am grateful that I wasn't able to, because I was learning, you know, how to speak the language and while going to the nursing school. So it was just literally I learned English to speak better as I was going to nursing school. It was kind of a blessing and a curse at the same time.

Soodabeh: 25:06

But yes, it is very important because then I had to go back to school. They gave one year of, you know, credit to many years of the study that I did prior and I had to take some of the classes that they didn't, you know, give me the credit. So, but I worked really, really hard to go to school and I graduated really fast there, about like at least four to six years. I finished it in about a year and a half because I had to just put my heart and soul in it, because I didn't have anything, I didn't have anybody, I didn't have money. I had two kids to take care of. So I really pushed myself to not only learn to speak the language but also go back and become the nurse that I was before and be able to provide for my family.

Mariana: 26:04

And I was reading something. Did you want to be a nurse at one point in your life?

Soodabeh: 26:12

or no. I, when I was a little kid and I don't know how old I was everybody would ask like you know, what do you want to be when you grow up? I'd like a teacher or a doctor. And my mom was a teacher and you know, right now I'm thinking that maybe that's why you know why I wanted to be teacher. But the fact that I wanted to be a doctor was after my father died because of a heart attack.

Soodabeh: 26:38

Depression. My grade was affected because of that, so I wasn't doing really well at the school anyway and when I took the exam, my grade like SAT here in America. I didn't have enough score to enter the medical school. So my mom who's I mean, her dream was to be a nurse, but her father wanted her to be a teacher she said why don't you just go to nursing school? You have, you know, great, your grade was really great and so let's just do that. And I did and I fell in love with it. And later on and after I came to America and everything that I experienced, I learned that I am the doctor because doctor means healing, right, and yes, and I am the teacher because doctors really they don't spend time to teach their patients, so the nurses do. So I am that healer and I am that teacher and everything that that little girl inside of me knew at such a young age. I am really who she wanted to be. So that's how I became a nurse.

Mariana: 28:08

And that's one of the things. Like, you acknowledged where you were in your life, you acknowledged who you were also, and then you accepted where you were and you're like, okay, something's got to give, I've got to make some changes in my life. I can't feel sorry for myself, I've got to just you know like how we say it here put my big girl panties on and I've just got to keep going. But it's, that first step is the hardest. How hard was that first step for you? Like, because I'm imagining that you're just sitting here, you're sitting in your living room and you're like I don't know how to speak English. I don't have, because you said it in your book I don't have money, I don't have a way to support myself. How was that first step for you to make that decision?

Soodabeh: 29:04

I've got to do something. It was frightening, to say the least. It was frightening, but I had to take my son to school, right, he was almost seven years old when we came to America and my husband had helped to take him and sign him up and all of the paperwork and everything. So my job was to get out of the house with my two and a half year old daughter and walk. It was a walking distance, just a few blocks, to take my son to school. And as I was going to take him to school and people came to my life.

Soodabeh: 29:39

literally I call them my angels, and that's what the name of my first book is Angel Nightingale because, of people that came into my life and people will come and start talking with me and I don't know. It was a big, huge miracle. I mean, we think about miracle means that the sky is open and something happens, right. But no, the miracle happened was when people were talking to me. Somehow, deep inside of me, I understood what they would say and with that little bit of English that I knew and I would try to explain what was my name, where did I come from? And you know who are my children, what is their name? And my neighbors came in like, oh, because my husband left because he wanted to go and live with his girlfriend and the apartment that he was renting it was me and my kids. And the neighbor came like who are you? There was a man living here before you came here. I'm like, well, he's my husband. What do you mean? He's your husband. He had lots of women coming in this house. Thank you for sharing that with me, but I didn't know what. Right now he is with somebody and that is how they started talking with me. And when I went to, you know, the college or the school that was nearby and to learn the English as a second language ESL and the people would come and they will hear my story and they will sob. I'm like, oh my God, you're so alone and you don't even speak the language, so what are you going to do? I mean literally the strangers. They were just like I can take you grocery shopping, and they would. They, I didn't have a car Well, of course, I didn't have anything and they would just take me and my kids you know, they buy food for me, they would bring clothes for my kids. I mean, it's just, it was miracle, my life was a miracle because I always say that and that's the part that I speak about and that's the part that I write the books is when we make that conscious decision to make and to become accountable and responsible for our life, and make that conscious decision to take that action, step toward creating the life that we want and desire and need and truly deserve, because everything comes with that deserving, believing that we deserve the doors are going to be open. The doors opened up and the strangers came into my life and helped me. They said what is it that you want? I mean, it was a miracle. It was nothing short of miracle.

Soodabeh: 32:36

How I learned to speak English was miracle how the thought came into my mind to go and talk to the dean of the nursing program I was still learning the language and to tell her please let me go in, because I used to be a nurse and I don't know English that well, but please let me go. I mean all of that. They were frightening. I mean after many years when I was able to overcome and go to the other side of it, I'm like how the heck did I do that? Who told me to go and talk to the dean of nursing program? And she was available. And she was available. I didn't have to make it and she sat there because she was a woman of color and she understood. She thought she just looked at me. I'm like who the heck are you?

Mariana: 33:33

You're and and I was reading that part of your book and I was like, oh my God because I think I even mentioned to you I was too when it was the very final day, the last time that my ex-husband, you know, beat me from one end of the room to the other. And I just remember looking up and my son at the time was about maybe three or four years old and he's looking down from the stairs and he's seeing me get beat up. And I remember going to church feeling defeated, feeling like you know, I can't do this anymore, and I remember coming back from church, going into my closet and I said, Lord, surely there's something better for me in my life, because at that moment I had a high school education. I knew how to type, I knew how to do those things, but I did not have a degree type. I knew how to do those things, but I did not have a degree. And at this point I have two children, but my oldest was living with his father and the two younger ones are the ones that I had. So, pretty much like you, I had two little babies that I had to like push around and take and things, and I didn't know who to really talk to or anything. And I was working a part-time job and I remember crying and saying, lord, please, I know that there's something out there that you want better for me. Surely this cannot be it. And I just remember like a few maybe it was a few days later because, as a Christian myself being a Christian we allow for other people's interpretation of the Bible to affect our lives and how we do it and what we do.

Mariana: 35:17

And I remember hearing so much oh, you know, they would take scriptures and kind of like make it for their own reason and I just remember saying, oh no, you've got to with your husband, you've got to go through it, you've got to be there for them, you've got to be submissive and you've got to endure the pain and all of those kinds of things. And I'm thinking to myself why would God want me to endure physical pain? Why would God want me to endure a drug addict husband and the beatings that come along with it? Perhaps if it was that he was on drugs but he was seeking for help and not having the beating come into place or the abuse, maybe I would have been willing to continue on. But when you've got all of that. So I remember getting phone calls, not from one, but many women, that they were all his girlfriends, and I was like, oh my God. And so I was like, ok, jesus, then this is the opportunity I have to get away from this marriage. And I can say I did it, I tried, I'm going. But I remember that feeling of, ok, you're opening up this door for me. Now what do I do?

Mariana: 36:37

And I remember that I started to vocalize much like life as soon as I started sharing my story. Like you said, it was like angels were just coming and putting people in my life. My co-workers bought me groceries for a whole month until I could get on food stamps, until I can get the Medicaid. My family sent me money to get my first apartment and I was living in a one bedroom apartment with my babies going to, you know, working at the preschool for making $9 an hour. And then I remember that the executive director said Mariana, you're too smart not to go to school.

Mariana: 37:25

And here I am, at the age of 30, going to college, and I'm like I don't even know how I'm going to do this. I't even know how I'm going to do this. I don't know how I'm going to go to college, how to take care of these babies, make $9 an hour, not even have enough to get it. But I'm going to go ahead and do this and, like I said, that's why I said I'm reading your story and it's like, wow, there is someone else living a very similar story to mine and I don't even know Now, mind you, this was your story was what 30 years ago?

Mariana: 38:00

My story started almost 30 years ago, but it was 20 years ago when I went to college and I decided to make a decision right Because I was living through all of that 30 years ago, when I went to college and I decided to make a decision right Because I was living through all of that 30 years ago. But here I am now, 20 years later. My life started all over again. And it's like I look back now and I, like you, said, how in the world did I do this? And I tell people, if you would have told me 20 years ago or even 30 years ago, that I would be where I am today, I would have like been looking at you and said, yeah, right, that's, that's not going to happen. Things like that doesn't happen for me. It happens for other people, but it doesn't happen for me. Yes, can you relate to that?

Soodabeh: 38:51

other people, but it doesn't happen for me. Yes, can you relate to that? Like could you, absolutely? My mom used to say we have bad we are. We're not lucky, we have bad luck. I mean she would say something about one of her ancestors cursed the older women of seven generation to come and everything. And looking at my poor mother's life and my aunt's life and my grandmother's life and my own life, I'm like we definitely are cursed. Really, how much pain someone can endure.

Soodabeh: 39:24

And as I was blessed, I always call I am blessed. My life is blessed because it's not about the luck that went from her mom's home to her husband's home and went back to her mom's home mother's home after the three years that my husband was, or ex-husband was, here in America. And I was blessed because once I realized that if I would have not experienced all the traumas when I was in my home country, I will pack everything. The moment that my husband at the time said I don't want you, I will pack everything and took my kids and go back. But I am so blessed that there was no hope for me going back. I mean, I didn't have a job, I would have been killed, I would have been prosecuted.

Soodabeh: 40:29

My mom didn't want me back. I mean, I didn't have a job, I would have been killed, I would have been prosecuted. My mom didn't want me back. Nobody wanted me back. I didn't have a job. I escaped, you know, leaving everything behind, and I'm glad that that was the case. And I'm glad that when I came here, immediately I found out that the husband that I thought was my husband for 10 years it doesn't want me, because later on, when I was able to get my life together as hard as I work, I wrote a letter to him I said I forgive you, because I am grateful for you to give me a gift of a second chance, because if he wouldn't have left or if you know, I realized I kicked him out, of course, but he wouldn't have done the thing that he did and, however that it turned out to be, if that wouldn't have happened, I was, I would have been a old person you know, going through life thinking I wasn't good enough.

Soodabeh: 41:35

I wasn't you know, I experienced a lot and my life wasn't that amazing when I was married to him. And it was a lot of emotional abuse because my mom was that way. She didn't know how to deal with her life and the traumas that she had experienced, so her communication wasn't good. I was emotionally and verbally abused by her. And then, you know, I didn't know anyone just like you.

Soodabeh: 42:03

You attracted someone like your father or, you know, stepfather or whatever. I attracted. My ex-husband was my mother. I attracted like this. But all of these things that we attracted is because I believe many years ago I read a book from Carolyn Mace that's called Sacred Contract, that when we are in the spirit world, we have that sacred contract with other people that come into our life as and showing us that you know they literally abusing us. I mean, and to that extent to so our soul can say I am done like that beautiful butterfly, get out of this, get out of this mundane world and figure out how powerful you are. And I, you know, wrote a letter to him. I said thank you for giving me a gift of a second chance.

Mariana: 43:01

Look, I am yes right absolutely, absolutely and that's so true and I say the same thing. But you know I had to learn to forgive him because it's like you. You know you were mentioning in chapter four. We're talking about the importance of mindset shifting that mindset shifting the way we think and how we look and how do we, how we react to things. And I remember it took me a while, because I've been working in the nonprofit world for such a long time now that one of the nonprofits that I worked at was actually as a career coach was a place where about 74% of the clients that I worked with were ex-offenders, were recovering drug addicts, were women who were coming out of shelters, and it was because of them that I was able to learn how to forgive my ex-husband who, by the way, is serving 35 years federal prison time because of his drug addiction and what he was doing in his life. By that point I'm already out of this situation. But I have to look back and say and I had to tell him, because I remember writing him a letter too and telling him I forgive you, I forgive you for all of the things that you did, but what you did was you taught me a lesson, and what that lesson was is how strong I really am and that I could actually do things right and that I don't need a man in my life to validate who I am. If I'm with someone, it's because I want to share my life with them, not because I need them, not because I need you, because that was something that he would always tell me was that you can't do anything without me. You need me, you need me to pay the bills, you need me for you to do this or you need me to do that Right Like I. It almost made me feel like, wow, I guess I can't do anything. I have to depend on this person to do it Right. But what it taught me was that, deep down within me, I had everything that I needed to move forward, and it was because of that experience that allowed me to dig deep within me to say you've got to do something different in your life. To say you've got to do something different in your life. And it was about making that choice to leave, because I didn't kick him out, although I did try on other occasions, but this time I was the one that left. I was the one that created an action plan to move out and I was the one that started making those steps.

Mariana: 45:48

And I remember reading that you said that you had to go back to go live with your mom for some time. And I remember here I am 30 years old, having to come back to Texas with two children and having to live, because at the time I was living with my grandmother, having to live with family members because I was couch surfing, and I just remember that feeling like now I don't even have even more control of my life because I'm having to live with other people. And I remember that moment in your book where you wrote that you went to go stay with your sister-in-law and you knew, like I can't do this, I can't live with her. I can't Because it's hard when you know that you've been, you're someone who's married, or that you've been someone who's been independent or you've been someone that's been taken care of, and then to live under someone else's rules and how they view and how they do things and then being compared to that. But I do remember having that moment of shifting my mindset and being grateful, learning how to be grateful for a hurtful moment in my life, because had it not been for that hurtful moment. I might've never would have taken that initiative to go and do the things that I am doing now, and I saw that so much when I was reading your book. I saw a lot of everything that you've done going to college, learning English, speaking up.

Mariana: 47:23

One of my favorite parts of the book was when you are now working as a nurse and you're so connected with your patients because you're having that communication, because it's like you said, doctors only see you for about 15 minutes and then they have to, but you, as a nurse, were there for your patients and how you would stand up against those doctors and be like, no, I, why don't? And you had to do. You were very subtle about how you did it. It wasn't like, no, you need to go do this. You were like, well, have you tried doing this here? Have you maybe looked into this? It's like you were making that suggestion for them to get them to think like, wow, okay, maybe I should look into that. To think like, wow, okay, maybe I should look into that. But I love that connection that you had because I think also, it took a lot for you to learn a lot about yourself to be able to have that connection with your patients and display the love that you had for them.

Soodabeh: 48:29

Absolutely At the beginning, when I didn't even know, I would get frustrated, like why? I mean, I went to school just a couple of years. What is wrong with these doctors? They don't know what's going on. I didn't know that.

Soodabeh: 48:44

You know, there is a powerful soul within us. We call it intuition, we call it. I don't know God is talking to us or whatever. We have that power, whether you know, some people are religious people and believe in God and some people are spiritual or whatever it is. There is a higher power that knows us more than what our little mind says. So at the beginning I didn't even know where I was getting this. I would get frustrated. But later on, when I learned that, oh, there is my soul speaking to me, there are my angels speaking to me, there is God speaking through me, for me, and all of that, then I learned how to navigate and help my patient and to get to a place that I can get the help for them, because I needed to be advocate for them. And as I learned to advocate for my patient, I learned to be advocate for myself.

Mariana: 49:48

Absolutely One of the most powerful lines that I wrote. I mean that I wrote that I read in your book one of the most the paragraph that really stood out to me and I was like wow, and that's on page 114 of your book. And it says forgiveness is not about forgiving the actions but about letting go of the pain and the heaviness of carrying unnecessary old baggage. Of the pain and the heaviness of carrying unnecessary old baggage, because a lot of people and a lot of women who perhaps are listening to this episode are still having that struggle of forgiveness. Because it's not easy.

Mariana: 50:25

It's not easy to say I forgive. But what you're saying here is it's not about the person, it's about you, because you're holding on to pain, you're holding on to anger, you're holding on to resentment, you're holding on to their opinions, you're holding on to all of these things and you're saying sometimes it can be hard to use the word forgiveness. What has helped me is to say I am willing to let go rather than saying I forgive. I love that, because if you're having a hard time of saying I forgive, then it might sound and it might come out sweeter on the palate when we can say I'm willing to let go of you. I'm willing to let go of that anger, I'm willing to let go of that pain, I'm willing to let go of any of those things instead of having to say I forgive. I'm willing to let go Because then I believe, later on, then you will be able to say I've truly forgiven I love, love that I love that so much.

Mariana: 51:35

How was it for you to to come to that conclusion?

Soodabeh: 51:41

it. It was the word, the word forgive. Every time I would hear I don't know if it was because of the language or whatever it was the moment that I would hear the word forgiveness, I would just translate it to something that my mind, in my mind, it would translate to something that I had to forgive the action and that was a barrier for me. I couldn't say that. I mean mean, I can say that I have forgiven my ex-husband right now, but at the moment that I was trying to um grasp, because I learned from working with my coaches and my teachers for many years, like it is not it? Just how can you change the for the word it? Because forgiveness means just letting go of burden I said then why, why am I using the word forgiveness? I am going to use the word I am letting go. It's easy to say I am letting go of the burden and I am caring because they are, they are doing their life, they are living their life. But we are sitting into and and I remember I heard something that about, if you don't forgive, it seems like you are holding a hot coil in your hands and you are burning, but you expect the other person to feel the burning sensation and that is what we need to let go, because when we don't forgive what happened, we are literally all those. Imagine that you have a backpack and filled out everything that happened to you, everything that somebody said to you. You just put those big rocks in that backpack and you're carrying with you, going on the top of the mountain, trying to climb, find, you know, a happy place, find a safe place. But you can't, you can't move on with these heavy rocks in those backpacks that you're carrying. And sometimes it's not just a backpack, it's a heavy duty, big, humongous suitcases, many of them. So we have to literally let go. I said I um, the way that I work with my clients and I take them through a guided imagery that just literally feel that the angels come and take this backpack off their back and just put it in a fire and that becomes ashes and it's just. We have to figure out what is it that works for us, how we can deal with the trauma, the experiences, the heartbreaks, the heartaches, the pain of grief and loss and all of that. There is a way. Everybody's different. That's why, mariana, you do it differently, I do it differently, somebody else does it differently. That's what we are as we experience life and we learn the tools that helped me and helped you and helped somebody else. Learn the tools that helped me and helped you and helped somebody else. That's what I mean.

Soodabeh: 54:58

Sometimes it comes with, you know, some people get become kind of competitive oh, I am not gonna, you know, this person is gonna come and take my clients away and everything. But we have to learn that we are individual and also how we attract clients is by how we, you know, get that energy. People feel that energy. It is not what I say, it is the energy that they feel the connection, and there is billions and billions of people on this planet that they need help. So don't become competitive. Just let go of all those little old beliefs of you. Know why we have to try harder. We have to compete all the time. We have to not like one another for the race, for the religion, for whatever reason, and let's just create that peaceful life, a world that is filled with hope and healing and peace, instead of the war that is going within each one of us.

Mariana: 56:01

Absolutely, gosh. Those are words of wisdom. Thank you so much. And so now, here we are, 30 years later, and you are. Not only are you a registered nurse, but you also are now a best selling author, and you are also a certified hypnotherapist. Right, yes, yes, correct. And so not only so, are you still doing like? Are you still in the field of nursing, or or are you doing both? I am doing everything. You sound like me Multi-faceted, we do it all.

Soodabeh: 56:42

I love yes, I love my job as a nurse. So I work several days a week. I do that, and then I work also with clients, you know, helping them, coaching them, and I am doing podcasts and I am going to be on the bigger stage and it's coming a couple of weeks and it's life is amazing. It's just, it is where I never even thought was possible when I, you know, 30 plus years ago, when I came to America and I was going through all those difficulties, I mean, if you would, somebody would come and tell me that you're going to be speaking on a you know platform, on a stage, and telling people that they can have hope and they can get out of these their mind, the mind and all of those things, I would just start not just laughing but I will cry. What are?

Mariana: 57:42

you telling me, and it's. It's so amazing because it's like you said you start attracting and who we attract. And ever since two years ago, when I first started, like I decided cause I've been in the nonprofit world for 13, 14 years now and I decided that it was time for me to start my own you know, life coaching and career coaching business. And then eventually I got into podcasting because of a podcast coach, and then I, too, became a writer and I wrote my first book. And here I am, interviewing so many women that have been on a very similar trajectory as I have. I've been on a very similar trajectory as I have. That here I am now I'm talking to authors, just like myself. I'm talking to podcasters. I'm also being invited to speak on stages now about my life story.

Mariana: 58:45

And it's how it's the connection, the collaborations and, like you said, it's when we get to a point in our lives we no longer see each other as a threat, we don't see each other as competing with one another. We are collaborating with one another and sharing one another because, like myself, for me as an author, why would I want to interview somebody that's got a similar story to mine? I'd be like no, you get my book and that's not it at all. The thing about the beauty of this is that we both have written a book that are guiding women and perhaps what you're saying in your book is fit for them such as what I'm saying in my book in your book is fit for them, such as what I'm saying in my book. But if, at the end of the day, when I read your book, it's almost like I'm reading my book because of the lessons that we've learned, the thing is, is that how is it going to be received by the person who needs to read it, who needs to have their hands on it? And I highly recommend your book so much.

Mariana: 59:57

And even if it is, buy it in a bulk or get it in a bulk, get this book, get my book, and you're going to see, because here's the thing, the message is so similar in what we're saying that if they didn't get it in my book, they're going to be like, oh wait, I'm reading this book and she's saying the exact same thing. There's a reason. There's a reason why we're saying the exact same thing, because it's that very thing that we need to continue to see. We're just saying it in a different way or we're using different scenarios to communicate the very same thing, and those are the lessons that we both have learned. But those lessons that we learned are the same, like it's very similar and it's a beauty. That's a beauty when I can see that you know that I was like, and then I'm reading your book.

Mariana: 1:00:53

I was like I was on the right track when I was writing my book, because that's exactly what I was saying, you know, and it's great and I love having your book. I read it, I highlighted a lot of things in your book and I really do recommend it. So, sudave, I want to thank you so much because I feel like I can talk to you forever, like I can. Just, I wish you were my next door neighbor. We could just sit outside and have coffee all the time. But I want to thank you so much for taking the time to be on the podcast with me today and sharing your story, sharing your experience with me. And again, the name of the book is Emerging you A New Path to Leaving the Past Behind, finding your Purpose and Becoming the Best Version of you. If you don't already have it, it is something that I highly recommend you get Any last words Sudube that you want to share with the audience today.

Soodabeh: 1:01:48

Thank you, mariana, for your kind words. You are such a powerful, ariana, for your kind words. You are such a powerful, powerful soul, and the only word that I have to say is just believe in yourself and believe in your dreams. You are not alone. You're not alone on your journey. Everybody goes through these life lessons. It may look different for all of us, right, but the life is just pushing you out of your comfort zone, even though it is uncomfortable to be in that we call it comfort zone. It's just believe in yourself and take that action. Step the first action, whatever that it is, to get you out of that place. And once you decide that you want to take action, the world, the doors are going to open up and you're going to find your way.

Mariana: 1:02:48

And if someone wanted to reach out to you, Sudhube, and just learn more about you, where can they find you?

Soodabeh: 1:02:55

Yes, I am on every social media is my name Sudube Mokri, but also I have a website. Is the same exactly SudubeMokricom. They can find me on Instagram, facebook, tiktok, youtube you name it. Facebook, tiktok, youtube, you name it. Everything is my name. I love my name, I guess.

Mariana: 1:03:22

I love your name too, and it was. I was like, oh, I love saying it, suthube, and I was practicing and I was like, no, I think I have it, I think I've got it. So, for all of you who are listening to today's episode, please share. If you resonated with this message, or if you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it. Rate me, rate the episode, leave me a review.

Mariana: 1:03:48

I get to learn and change things up if I need to, but it helps me to make sure that I'm bringing the right topics to you and that you are benefiting from the messages that you're receiving on here. So I want to say once again, thank you, sudebay, for being on the show with me today and until next Saturday, tune in to another episode of the Mommy on a Mission podcast. If you are hearing this message, you've listened to the entire episode and for that I want to say me gracias from the bottom of my heart. If you would like to dive deeper into today's message and would like to connect with me, send a DM on Instagram at HolaMommyOnAMission, or Facebook at MommyOnAMission. You can also find me at MommyOnAMissioncom. I hope you've enjoyed this new episode and if you did, it would mean the world to me if you would subscribe, share this podcast and leave me a review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Tune in next week for some more words of motivation, inspiration and encouragement. On Mommy on a Mission podcast.