Being the gay black boy who has black girls as friends. There is constant struggles that we face on a daily basis. Do they support me? Would they support their gay son? Is it even a friendship or am I good time?
Instagram: Sonshinehilaire
Being the gay black boy who has black girls as friends. There is constant struggles that we face on a daily basis. Do they support me? Would they support their gay son? Is it even a friendship or am I good time?
Instagram: Sonshinehilaire
What's up you guys? Thank you for being on the second episode of entries from an insecure gay black boy. Now I want to let you guys. No, I wanna let you guys know. I. Recorded 2 audios for this episode and they were both deleted from this website that I was using and I'm not going to say their name. But I am just. I I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm just tired so I hope this works.
00:38
So you can tell from the title.
00:43
Give me a second, because I got a what is the title? The title is being the gay boy in a group filled with girls. Now, there isn't much that I have to say with this title. It's not really a story that I have to explain about this title. It is straightforward, it's self-explanatory, and if you don't get it, then you don't get it, but the girls who get it and the gays who get it. They just get it if you hear to to be, to know more about us. This isn't the podcast because I ain't gonna tell you nothing. You gotta go to somebody who's going to give you all this, all this information, all the input, all the keywords, so on and so forth. So. I just want to talk about this trend about having a gay boy best friend. It's disgusting. That is my complete, honest truth. It's disgusting. And. These girls sound very stupid. You sound you sound very stupid and it's not. And it's. We're not saying yes, no because we are sensitive. Absolutely. For the ones who do take offense to it, we are very sensitive because. Why? Like why do you have to feel the need to go out on social media and say that? You wanna gay boy best friend because of the time that you like you. We just give you a good time when y'all go out and when we dance y'all live like especially when I use the word live. It just screams it. It screams gay. It just screams gay. And sometimes we don't wanna have like that associate sometimes just calm down girl, just calm down anyways so. I would definitely. We're going to talk about, you know, becoming friends with girls and having. Having this. We have to hold back on us. Well, especially me. I'm, I'm speaking for me, and if you are out there who does relate to what I'm talking about, then thank you. But for me, when I'm becoming friends with someone,
03:00
especially a girl, it's just like I'm kind of holding back parts of me because I feel like if I show too much, then, you know, maybe she's not going to like me because I'm, you know, I'm too gay for her. And coming from a. Coming from a black woman. Who was homophobic in the beginning? It was. It kind of set the tone for me because now it's like I walk out into the world and I'm like, I'm still kind of conditioned to this mindset that.
03:34
Every black woman is homophobic, and that's not true, but it is something that I always have to raise my eyebrow out. My I always have to raise my eyebrow at because I don't know if they really like if a black woman supports me when they're looking at me or they're just looking at me in disgust. Like, oh, this gay boy had the nerve to to be out in this world. So it's honestly to sum it all up, it's basically like a mini PTZ. episode for me because. All the words that my mom have said to me in the beginning of her finding out that I was gay, it kind of, it kind of conditioned my mindset. It kind of conditioned my mind into thinking that every single black woman was homophobic and they all had this, they all had this internalized homophobia, homophobia. So I'm kind of scared if that. If it makes sense, it makes sense.
04:35
And. Having to be on the lookout, I have to be on the lookout for fake people because they only want to use this for a good time. They only want to use us for a good time. And yes, we do have fun, we do shake a little *** and we do get a little drunk. And overall we are just a fun person to be around. I mean not all of us, because some of us are not gifted with having that being the IT girl or the IT *****. I definitely will say. I definitely will claim that I am the IT ***** I am the IT girl to be out with because I love to have a good time. Umm. And being told that you like hanging around with me because of we always have a good time together, that is the red flag that lets me know that this is not a genuine friendship. You're not really looking for something real. You're not looking for something real, you're honestly looking for something temporary. For certain opportunities, like when we go out, you wanna have a good time? No, I don't wanna just be that with you. I am a good person and I'm not gonna waste my energy and my my good ****. On having a good time at the club. No, I don't. I want to be more than that. I want to be a good friend to you and I want you to be a good friend to me. But if you don't wanna do that, then don't come my way. Thank you.
06:05
y'all like hanging out with us. But do you stand with us? Do you support us? Are you willing to speak up for us? When us. Cannot speak up for us. So what I mean by that is, are you willing, are you saying, do you support me? Do you stand with my my community, the black LGBT community? Because I. Definitely believe that the black LGBTQ community is its own entity. We are definitely our own thing. I'm not going to get too much into that because people will start feeling offended, offended. But do you really? Do you support my community? Because if you support me? Then you have to support my community. There's no way, there's no way you can be like, oh, I support my gay, my gay friend, but I can't support the community. He's he's a he's a part of. First of all, that's not something I can be like. I'm not a part of that. Girl, if I **** ****. I am automatically a part of the black LGBTQ community, OK? There's no way around it. There's no way around it. Once. Once. I was in second grade and the boy turned off the lights when we had to change into our swimwear because we were going to a field trip to swim, to practice swimming. Because, you know, they believe in that. Kids need to start, you know, learning how to swim, which is true. Once that boy turned off the lights and somebody groomed me in the bathroom when the lights were off, I felt aroused. I felt nice. I wanted more.
07:55
No, because I've. I don't know who the boy was. Chao. He lifted on my leg. He lifted up one leg and he started ******* me. Oh my God. That was the most exciting time of my life. life. grade, and I think I knew who it was. And I'm not going to say his name.
08:17
But that was a fun time. And then the teacher came in. I forgot. I don't remember her name. I remember. What's crazy is I remember a lot of my other teachers names, but I don't remember her name. She came in, get out of the bathroom. What, are you guys doing? And I was like, Oh my God, Oh my God. And I'm like, *** ****. Why couldn't you just wait a couple more minutes? Because as soon as when she came in, the boy turned off the lights again and it was going to be a round two of me getting humped. With the war by the boy, I feel like I know who groomed me against the wall. I wanted more.
08:55
Please don't judge me because I really did like it. That was the last time I was touched romantically, but we're not going to get into that. I'm. I'm sorry. I'm. I'm drifting off into another subject. are you going to stand up for us? Are you going to speak up for us when we can't speak up for ourselves? Because sometimes, even though I do speak up for myself, you know, no matter what, sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I want someone to be there to speak up for me. It's exhausting and it's scary. I want to have you know someone behind me, you know, screaming, You know, at the homophobic person, so and. Yeah, I I just wanna be, I wanna, I wanna be the person that sits back and have, you know, the couple of friends that speak up for me. Because sometimes I don't wanna speak for myself because I'm tired. I'm tired sometimes and I'm not. I know I'm not the only one. I know I'm not the only gay boy. Who goes through this? Sometimes we want to have someone to defend us especially. Oh my God, you know from a black woman it's one thing, but from a black man to stand up for you? To a homophobic person. That that speaks volumes. And now I feel extra safe now. If the man, if he's not a fault, if he's not my father, he's not my brother. If he's someone, I like a friend now. If you speak now, we have to get married. Like if you're a friend or something and you speaking up for me and you, you holding it down. Now we have to get married. Now I have to find a way. Now I have to find a way to get pregnant. Now I'm going to have your child. We're going to have a girl. And we're going to have a boy. And we're going to have a dog. Listen, I plan out my, I plan out the whole life, the whole life story in my head. But anyways, so some moral of that is that I wanna make sure I just want to have someone to stand up for me because sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm
11:00
really tired. But I will go into a short story time. Well, it's like it's not, it's not going to really be short, but I'm going to go into a story time when I was in high school and I was in this group.
11:16
And and this is actually the. That thinking about this story was actually the inspiration for the title for this episode. I was in a group with three other girls, and it was so it was four of us. And it was. One girl that I always questioned on whether or not if she supported. The entirety of me. and what I mean by that is if you support me, then you support. You have to support the. The the whole LGBTQ community and if. Let me just stop babbling let me just say what the whole thing was. So. One there was one time we were on a four way call and she you know, somehow when you have conversations with your friends, the conversation always leads into a serious topic. So I don't remember the whole context of the whole conversation on the phone. But I remember asking her I was like, hey, and I'm not. I'm not gonna say her name, but. I remember asking her. I was like, hey. Would you support your gay son if he came out to you and she it? The phone went silent.
12:44
The phone went silent and I'm like, oh, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello? And I said her name again. And I was like, would you support your son if he came out to you as gay? And she was like, no, Sonny, I hung up the phone. I hung up the phone. I hung up the phone because. Instantly when she hesitated before I even hung up the phone when she hesitated to answer when the phone went silent. That made me realize what was the real what was, what was the deal, you know, what was the deal between US 2. And that kind of solidified that made me answer my own question. Did she really like me for me? Like, did she really **** with me? So. When she hesitated and she said her answer, I hung up the phone and I. After that, the the friendship continued. But I knew what it was and I knew it wasn't real. And then I knew that it would eventually drift off and it would die off, and it did, and it did. And then after it died, it died off it. You know, you kind of, I kind of started seeing her real colors. And I was like. What like seeing her, seeing someone that you used to be friends with and then you start seeing a true colors after? It's just kind of like. Damn, you really lasted that long to put a like to put up with that like you really? You really was that fake? You really was that fake? Well, I wouldn't say fake. I'm kind of dragging it. She wasn't fake, it was just that. Damn. Like, you know, how did I not see you for you, you know? And for that long you never really put that barrier down. You always kept it up, you know, if that makes. I don't know if that makes sense. If it does, it does. If it don't, you know then.
14:47
A side note if you're questioning a friend who you think doesn't really support you and. The black LGBT community. Then here are two questions. These are this is you know some some advice from me. These are two questions. There are two questions that you can ask. You can ask both or you can just ask one. The first question being.
15:16
Why do you love our friendship so much? Now they can answer in two ways. If there's a third way that they answer in, I don't know, I can't help you with that. But me being a good overthinker, if they answer into they they they can only answer in two ways. If they say all I love, I love how we make each other feel. When we're with each other and I love the friendship that we have, we can trust each other with anything. And you, you make me feel very good. Now. I'm not going to go into. That whole speech, but if they sound very genuine. And you have to know the difference between genuine and a fake comment, or a fake statement or a fake answer. You have to know the difference. If you can't, then I don't know what to tell you, but you have to know the difference between a genuine and a fake answer. Now you know when they say when they sound genuine, OK, but at the answer in ohh I love when we go out. We always have a good time and you always be hyping me up and everything.
16:26
That sounds like that sounds like they're using you that just. At that point, when they say something that sounds beneficial to them. Cut it off. And when you ask that question, you know when you hear that answer. That's when you should. You need to start packing up your things. You need to start packing up your things. And the second question would be. Now this question before I tell you what the question is. You better have your things packed before you ask this question, because whether you you don't know how this conversation is gonna go. When you ask this question.
17:11
Make sure you have your things, you have your things prepared. Ask them.
17:18
Would you support your son if they were gay? If they came out to you as gay?
17:25
If they hesitate. And I know you what you might say. Oh, but what if they just hesitate out of nowhere?
17:34
Umm. Ain't no hesitating. I'm not giving you that opportunity when I asked you. How would you feel if your son came out to you as gay?
17:48
When I say gay, you were Oh my God, I'm support my son soon as when he come up my *******. When you say that now, now our folks with you, girl. This is why you use my girl. This is why we last. And This is why I love our aura together. I love the the vibe that we always have. And you always you always my girl. Now you're safe. Now you could put your stuff back in the drawers and you could go back to going to sleep. You can take your nice shower or even take a bath. Now you're good. Now you're in a safe zone. You good? But if they hesitate and they don't give you the answer that you were looking for, it's time. To pack your things up and you go, and you're probably asking how would you end that friendship. So if you're one of those people who are non confrontational and you don't want to really get into it with that person, just simply distance yourself, distance yourself and don't call them as much because it's not going to last long whether you like it or not, whether you see that for whether you see them, for who they are.
18:57
Once you see them for who they are, after they give you that answer, the friendship is no longer going to last. It's no longer gonna last, I promise you that. It's going to. Depreciate after, like after time, like days and days after it's going to, it's gonna, it's gonna depreciate and it's not gonna last. It's going to end itself. But if you are one of those conversation, not really confrontational, but if you're one of those up forward people who can be very upfront then you tell them OK well. I don't think this can last long. And there's, there's absolutely no way that baby girl could redeem herself from that answer. Once she gives her answer. That is the first answer. That's the first thing that came to mind. Once she gives that answer, there's no way she can redeem herself. There's no way the friendship is going to end. I mean, there's no way the friendship is going to continue. So, yeah, if you're, if you are one of those people who are up front, tell her that this is not going to last. And I, you know. You appreciate the time y'all had together, and you want to end the friendship now? Whatever. What comes after that? That's up to you. I I'm not. I'm not gonna be there 100%. So you you better have your things ready. And and. I remember growing up people spoke about having, you know, a gay boy best friend. I remember maybe one or two conversations, one or two conversations about ohh I want to have a gay best friend. And they be so much fun when we go to the clubs and we go out to eat, when we go to teach our Fridays, when we go to hookah. Who does? When we go to Applebee's, when we go to Chili's? So when we go to PDQ, when we go to check for, like.
20:56
I remember those conversations. I remember those conversations saying how, you know, people wanted that gay best friend. But it wasn't much. It wasn't really a trend. But, you know, social media became a thing and within the past maybe three or four years there has been a trend of people saying they wanted a gay best friend because. They seemed so much fun and. They just they love drag shows and they just they love us. They live for us. And that screams internalized homophobia. Now you're probably asking, how does that scream internalized homophobia? That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it, OK?
21:41
So it just.
21:46
The trend became popular within the past three or four years, and they started seeing gay boys and black, you know, girls in Iraq with each other on social media heavily. And now it's just like, oh, I want that, I want that. Like we're on a shelf. I want that gay boy 5-6. Big booty and he got his talk like a girl. I want him because he found out he gonna show me out. He found, he found a have a good time with me. He gonna make me have a good time and he gonna make me forget about what's what's going on. Grow.
22:22
Girl. We are not. Some things that you get off the shelf we are human beings and we don't want, we don't want to be treated like you only want us for a good time. We don't want to feel like that. And and for the for the gays who say they don't really see any problem with it, I think that you should really you should really reevaluate how you view yourself. Because for a woman to say, for a black woman to say that. For the black woman to say that and then to turn around and to throw shots at. Get and start throwing slurs at gay boys, like if they if they're gay friends, start sleeping with their men. Once that in turn.
23:16
Girl. You need to reevaluate how you viewed yourself because you need to find every issue with that statement. And I'm not going to dive into that. You need to find every single problem wrong with that statement.
23:37
So moral of that is they not only have to support you, but they have to support the community, a part of the and and let me specify the black LGBT community. Because what did I say? The black LGBTQ community is 1 entity. And let me be let me be more clear. Can you hear me? I said. The black LGBTQ community is its entity of its own. And what I mean by that, let me break it down more, is that we're our own thing. We're our own community. There's black people and there's black LGBT people. And you're probably saying, no, it's all and it's definitely all. One thing, you know, we're all, all of us are black. All of us are black, but let's be honest, there is a division within the black community and it's sad to say, but we are definitely divided in our black community. There's so many that there's so much division in the black community and the black LGBT community. And I hate to say it, but it's the truth. So in order for that friendship to operate, for it to continue being a genuine friendship, they have to support all of you in order it in order for it to be a real friendship.
25:04
But I say all this to say. I want to reassure you guys that even though these are very, these are real world issues that the gay black boys deal with on a daily basis. Still walk out of that house. Still walk out of that room. And if you're homeless, still walk out of that alley. If you live in a car, still walk out of that car. And if you live in Wendy's, they'll walk. I think you get the point what I'm trying to say. Walk out wherever you are with your chin up and be you. Because there's nobody that can be you than you.
25:50
And also. Make sure you ask those two questions to a friendship that you're questioning with a girl. If you are a gay black boy and you are questioning a friendship with a girl that you that you really **** with but you know you feel like it's some something that's that's. That's turning a knob inside of your head axles one of those questions or acts both be risky. Acts both. And really and really get down to business. I asked both and will and and you'll see the answer to whether or not if you want to continue their friendship. You guys, I appreciate you so much for listening to this second episode of my podcast and I can't wait for you to be on the next journey, the next episode until I get to the 100 episode and I'm on to better opportunities, bigger opportunities. Hopefully I will be on Oprah. That's dragging it. But you know what? A girl can only dream you guys, I hope you have a good night. I love you. And be sure to rate this show. Promote.
26:53
Listen to the whole audio. Damn. And share this with your friends. Share this with your kids. Yeah, yeah, your friends in high school share whatever. OK. I love you. Goodnight.