BONUS:Conversation With Mindset Coach & Author Victor Giusfredi

In this bonus episode, you’ll hear my conversation with Victor, he’s the author of the book No Grail Without Dragons: A Man’s Unconventional Path to Love, Purpose, and Peace. He tells his amazing story of the highs and lows of his journey, and how he faced his dark night of the soul to where now, he is on a love mission to empower men to thrive, transform fear into power, and design their lives with purpose. 
 
 Note: This episode mentions suicide.  If you or someone you know is considering suicide, call the Suicide Hotline immediately 988 available 24/7.
 
 Victor's website: http://www.victorgiusfredi.com/
FREE book download code: PURPOSEANLOVE

Transcript

Bill: Hi, and welcome to the men on the Path Beloved Podcast. Bonus episode, a conversation with resilience and mindset coach and author, Victor Guisfredi. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are struggling in relationship, how to communicate effectively, build trust, and deepen intimacy so they can be the best version of themselves in relationship and live the life they love. In this bonus episode, you'll hear my conversation with Victor Guisfredi.

Bill: He's author of the book No Grail Without dragons, a man's unconventional path to love, purpose, and peace. He tells his amazing story of the highs and lows of his journey and how he faced his dark night of the soul to wear now He is on a love mission to empower men to thrive, to transform fear into power, and design their lives with And just as a heads up, this episode does make mention of suicide. So fasten your seat belts. It's gonna be one hell of a ride. It's the men on the path to love podcast.

Bill:Welcome, Victor, to men on the path to love.

Victor: Hi, Bill. Thank you so much for having me.

Bill: Well, you are definitely a man on the path to love, for sure, because that's part of the title of your book. Men on the path to love, I I tell stories each time for each each episode. So I always ask my guests to Bill their story. And in your case, your book is your story. I mean, it's an amazing story, and we could probably be here for days. But please share your story with us. So share your journey to where you've been and where you've gotten to today.

Victor Guisfredi: Thank you. And and and I'm flattered. The path of love has been my path ever since I can remember. I think I jumped on this path up somewhere around 11, for that need to be loved by someone else, accepted in the feeling of belonging. And that's been my guiding start through all of the endeavors that I've embarked on in the last 20, something years.

 Victor Guisfredi:And, that journey took me to live and work around the globe in about fifty places. I have dated hundreds of women worldwide, but from all ethical and social economic backgrounds. And I overcame 2 divorces by 36. So this the search for love has been a blessing and occurs because it's something that I felt a deep need to pursue, but my failures many times almost deter me from going back to an old path for maybe even considering staying alone, but just the inability to scratch that edge, it's what forced me to find the solution to pursue love in in all of its aspects. And then eventually, stumble up on love in every single area of my life.

Victor Guisfredi:: And that's that's been what, pushed me to write the book, no grill without dragons, because it's somewhere around May of 2021, I had already been divorced. My second divorce had already been about 2 years, and I had become the single parent of my 2 children at the time. So by now, I am engaged to who I'm still engaged with and getting married with too. But this this night in May of 2021, I have an argument with her. And I am defending myself, and the conclusion of the argument is that she is leaving, that she's moving with her mom.

Victor Guisfredi: And, and that was it. And to my dismay, I couldn't put the pieces together because I didn't know what had caused such results. So I exit the room, and now I had been wrestling with existentialism and and as they call it standing on the edge of the abyss because so many failures after giving my best attempts were rather discouraging, the fact that I hadn't found the key to make things work was even more desperate. So I sat on the couch and I consider taking my life because at this point, it just seemed like a relief for everybody. It seemed a relief for me to stop suffering.

Victor Guisfredi: Seems a relief for my children because now they were suffering from my bad choices that they had their mom away and And now another woman who they called mom was going to leave, so now it was gonna hurt them again. So the thing that's seen the most reasonable was just to move on with my plan and use the money of my life insurance policy to help them. Maybe I will give it to my ex. Maybe she could buy a home and then live with my children and and coach for a few years. So in a way, I accepted that death.

Victor Guisfredi: I accepted that my life had been worthless, if you will, up until that point. And as I sit on that couch and I'm sinking in the couch, I start sobbing and I I bury my hand my face in my hands, and I start asking for forgiveness. I start asking for forgiveness mostly now about now about what I'm gonna about to do, but for having been such a failure and having hurt so many people, in the past. And in that moment, something happened that I can explain because I still cannot explain the experience that I had Bill that moment, I didn't believe in the ineffable. I didn't believe in anything invisible.

Victor Guisfredi: I actually thought that if there was a higher power, then I I wanna fine and punch it in the nose because of everything that I had experienced up until then, but I had this experience. And and within a blink of an eye. I I experienced an epiphany, and I realized that more than money, the reasons I had suffered so much was ignorance. It was holding on to my ego, holding on to limiting Bill, and and just suffering from the dichotomy of control. So in that moment, I realized somehow that I have to write the book and that I have to share my map of experiences with my children, which is massive, and perhaps save them a daycare or 2 of pain and trial and error so they can start building from where I left off.

Victor Guisfredi: In the book, Evolving to a message for men just like us that, that, that are seeking that path to love. And in it, I detail every single one of my experiences that led to that big a moment in in every one of those mindset shift that produced a a big and and massive change in the way that I experience life and eventually finding love.

Bill: I appreciate you sharing that. And Bill us more about what that experience was like, like, that epiphany. You know, what happened? What created that shift? Do you know?

Victor Guisfredi:: You know, ever since that moment, especially because I didn't believe in god as the as the westerners call it, And I had already saw answers through religions. I was raised in a Christian household, and from there, I branched out into trying many different approaches to find the answers I saw. And each time I I faced the wall, I abandoned that search and I embarked on a new one. So up until that point, I didn't believe in anything. A matter of fact, I was convinced that there was there was nothing else that we were just a result of a big bang explosion and and the product of you know, evolutionary results, but having that face to face experience with something that I can explain really shook me off my ground.

Victor Guisfredi: And the first thing I did was consult with a psychiatrist because I said if I have lost my mind, if I have suffered if I cut a breakdown or anything that I need to know about, well, I need to know because then my children need somebody who they can rely on. This experience really truly shook me off my my feet.

Bill:  Sure.

Victor Guisfredi:: And and the psychiatrist to my surprise, she says, well, in my religion, we call that a spiritual awakening. So that was the first hint of what it is I experienced. Then I consulted with a therapist that I had been working on. She's she's Christian, and she also said, Bill, you maybe all you have to do is believe. And that led me into devouring psychology book practical psychology, neuroscience, mythology, or cult knowledge.

Victor Guisfredi:: And, and, and it just seems to be an, a, a realization finding my purpose. And and as Carl Young will say, surviving the darkest night of the soul, finding the light on the other side of that threshold. And and I believe that that's what happened to me. Better than that, I mean, what I can tell you is that in that moment, w which I don't know how long it was because my eyes were closed. It was nearly midnight, and and I'm sobbing in my hands.

Victor Guisfredi: And and that brief moment, I understood why I had endured such a traumatic and violent childhood, why I had been a nomad, why I had succeeded and failed in business, and especially in relationships, and that's what flipped the coin for me. It it it allowed me to see that I had overcome such massive pain, and I was now at a threshold of helping other people do the same. So if I wasn't going to live for me, if I wasn't going to look for my own fulfillment or, or, or desire or pursuits, now I had a reason to help other people avoid the challenges that almost destroyed me. And in that moment, I I experienced faith in, in, at an atomic level, as more as a knowing than a doing, just knowing, and, in my heart of hearts, that everything had been perfect from the very beginning and that it was going to be perfect until my last day, I suppose.

Victor Guisfredi: And that's a great way of looking at it because so many of us look at those so called failures you know, or disappointments and, you know, and see them as this totally negative thing. And when we can see it as a as a a way to grow and to learn and to move beyond. And for me, those experiences have taught me, wow, I got through that. I can get through this, and I can get through anything.

Speaker 3: Right.

Victor Guisfredi: Yeah. And what struck me in your story about the psychiatrist and the and your and your therapist was that they both interjected that this could be a spiritual awakening or a situation for you where a lot of psychiatrists and therapists won't even go there. So I I see that as a, you know, an amazing part of your story is that with that support, I can imagine that helped you to to carry on.

Victor Guisfredi: Yeah. I and and it was rather surprising because I wasn't expecting, I mean, this this the psychiatrist of mine, she had, she had, prescribed Zoloft for depression while I was going through the second divorce and, and being a single dad, then she had prescribed, Adderall for ADHD. And and what happened is that after that moment, I stopped taking all of my all of those medications because I also dug into how it is. I they affected my body and they affected my the different areas of the brain and therefore, the the consequences afterwards. So that was a big push on that, on that end, but to hear someone whose job is to treat the psyche with medication Bill me to go in the opposite direction, that was rather eye opening.

Victor Guisfredi:: And, and it really gave me a foundation of realizing that I couldn't hold on to my ignorance anymore to say if somebody would spend their lifetime, understanding this tells me to go on the the direction, then perhaps I might listen to it, and that's what I did.

Bill: Yeah. It's kinda going against the norm, and sounds like it was kind of an awakening in in itself.

Victor Guisfredi: Correct. That that is definitely a a shift, absolutely.

Bill: So once you had this spiritual awakening or this this epiphany, what steps did you start to take on your path?

Victor Guisfredi: My path changed completely. The the first thing was that I knew I had to write the book, and I knew somehow I knew that the book had to have 33 chapters. And I also knew that each of those chapters had to be one of my first hand experiences as a puzzle piece to reaching the bigger outcome. And how I was going to do that, I didn't know. I just simply knew what I had to do.

Victor Guisfredi:So I abandoned my pursuit of other projects such as looking for a job and, running an online business. And instead, I dove into taking classes of the best writers in the world to learn how to write. And, I I committed to the writing process, and I began writing the book as as I could. And then over the period of 2 years, I wrote 6 manuscripts and edited five times up until the result that we have today. So I believe I started with 120,000 words, and the book today is about 40,000.

Victor Guisfredi: So And, and in that process also, I dove into a lot of aspects of how the mind works and why we do the things that we do and also how the doc connect between religions, science, mythology, and so on because it it's just been such a rabbit hole. It's not my stumbled up on something interesting, and it's been in 1000 other directions. And, and it's been it's been a really great journey. Definitely based on faith, I have walked blind many, many, many, many times. I think I still do, and also up face trialed where if I stayed on this path, I could have lost things that I consider valuable to me, especially people, because at some point, well, 1st of all, many of my friends distanced themselves when I actually sought to find confidence in them by sharing my experience because they knew me for so many years, and they disappear.

Victor Guisfredi: And and and only had one. But, you know, because of that knowing, I couldn't go against this purpose that I've been handed or given or discovered, and I stuck on that path. And just as in the movies, in the last minute, right, when my nose is about to go under the waters, I get lifted and and things just work. And, and so it's been a really interesting repetition of patterns where I do something. I face a trial.

Victor Guisfredi:: I hope my faith, and I overcome it almost by by by, by, you know, I wanna say magical, but but it's it's only definitely by higher power more than what I can understand. That's for sure. And and some some demon is subconscious, the unconscious mind, something god. You know, there there are many definitions for it, but I think it's all the same.

Bill: Mhmm. When I heard you talk about your your friends and you're kind of losing these friends, It's quite typical when someone's on a personal growth or spiritual journey that it can be a very lonely place because those folks that you used to connect with with your old ways of doing things and your old patterns, tend to start to drift away or fall apart, and you're kinda left alone. And and and it's that in itself is is a is a huge growth in being able to have that faith, like you said, and that and that commitment you know, for that growth, so that even losing friends and people that you were close to, as a result, It's like getting out of that energy to be who you are today. And that takes a lot of strength and courage to do that.

Victor Guisfredi: I agree. It did it did take strength and courage, but the difference is this. Previously, I pursued a career as a professional downhill mountain biker. And I went from being a recent immigrant in the United States to a semi pro racer with sponsors. But then I quit.

Victor Guisfredi:: And and then I I pursued motocross, and I pursued music, and I recorded an album, and I and I toured, and then I quit. And I pursued money. I pursued achievement. I pursued businesses. I pursued inventions, but something along the way just didn't make any sense anymore, and I just abandoned it.

Victor Guisfredi:: When I faced the threshold to making it big, I realized that that's wasn't what I wanted to do. But in this case, I cannot attribute it to my own courage when I cannot attribute it to my own strength, but only to that knowing only to that knowing that that is what I had to do. And because I I considered that I did die or part of me die that night, I had resided my life. And when I gave up life, when I gave up everything, my desire, my when I just gave up completely, My purpose found me, and that's what I saw all of my life. The the strength and the courage came from that understanding of from that knowing And and that is the most entertaining part of this whole thing because, like I said, I've I've definitely faced challenges from that point until now, but No challenge has been bigger than that knowing and that, and, and, and that feeling.

Victor Guisfredi: And, and that's what kept me on this. So I I suppose it takes I I don't know what it takes. I mean, perhaps it takes courage and and and strength, but, really, it's my fire has been that knowing that experience that I could not deny it with anything. I mean, I've tried to rationalize it. I've it it's not finance work.

Speaker 3: I I experienced what I experienced, and and just knowing that is what was just before. Also, the desire to to help other people avoid suffering because we are constantly wrestling with this Mister Smith or the Joker or whatever the enemy is, right, in their hero story. And mhmm. So doing that that enemy, it's a beautiful thing because that is the way to love overcoming that part of ourselves is the path to love If one is to have to love shamelessly and to love shamelessly, we have to be able to overcome our own prejudices of what loving is.

Bill: Absolutely. Yeah. And, yeah, it's that that inner knowing that creates that commitment to keep going. And, you know, I'm thinking about your darkest days and that that night where you're sobbing in your hands and, you know, you're almost ending things. And if there's someone out there who is contemplating this right now.

Bill: And, you know, you just can't make an epiphany happen. You just can't make this spiritual happening happened. What do you say to that guy who is in that dark space?

Victor Guisfredi: You're right. You can't you can't make it. Happened. To me, it was, like, getting smashed by a break in the face. It just happened.

Victor Guisfredi: But the truth is that along the way to that the edge of of the abyss of of steering to the abyss. I also knew that that wasn't the right thing to do. That something in in in me told me, something in me hinted that that's not the right thing to do. And that's the challenge because we often lose to our rational mind. We lose to the mind that tells us you're not good enough.

Victor Guisfredi: You think so much. How are you going to succeed? You've already been divorced twice. Why how are you gonna make another marriage happen? And and so that rational mind is our biggest enemy because throughout the last couple of centuries, we have been indoctrinated to rely in this rational side of ourselves, but the truth is everything in this in this universe happens by forces that we don't understand.

Victor Guisfredi: And and it doesn't matter how much technology we develop. We're likely more confused than before. I think recently science discovered a a new breakthrough on, on, on, on what it is that creates reality, but now they found this element, and now they're more confused than they were before. And and it doesn't matter how much you dissect the person, you can break them down to the atom, but they can't find what it is that makes us alive. And so there's something to be said by listening to that intuition, listening to our, our instinct and listening to, like, in the little cartoons when we're kids, to, you know, to have a little devil and, and Right. Yeah. And that's another breakthrough in my life. When I heard multiple psychologists, you know, called Jung,  Freud, and most recent Jordan Peterson. 

Bill: Sure

Victor Guisfredi: Confirm that it's an actual aspect of our lives that we actually embody multiple personalities, and these personalities take shifts at how it is that we perceive the world and and and how we react to them. So understanding that it it wasn't myself, going back and forth, that it was it was two part, two different parts, come trying to come to terms. That really helped me start listening to one more than the other and follow the path of instinct and intuition versus the path of logic that had led me to that dark point. So if anyone is going through this, that the number one enemy is the way that you're talking to yourself and this rational mind who's desperate to know what's next. And because we don't know what's next, And the only thing that we can expect based on our past's pain, it it seems rather easy to take that exit and say, Ala, and myself right now, And this will be it.

Victor Guisfredi:: But the other side is that if you are facing that dark night of the soul, you are cut from a different cloth, and it is your purpose to face that ultimate dragon or or demon or enemy or our enemy, and it is also your job to get back up and learn the techniques that you need to like like the hero does, the hero gets beaten a million times sometimes down to the last breath, and he has a bigger why, and he gets back up, and he learns the the ultimate technique, and then he goes back and defeats the the the final enemy. And so it's to have hope to, to trust in yourself that your spirit cannot be destroyed except by yourself. So everything else that happens to you happens for you. And and if you're facing that, just know that there's massive value if you flip the coin and you realize how you can help other people avoid what took you there.

Bill: Right. There's the other side to always remember that there's the other side.

Victor Guisfredi: Correct. That's right.

Bill: Yeah. And and what I heard you say too earlier in talking about all those pursuits, you know, of the of the competition stuff you were doing and music and all those things. And it just wasn't it wasn't, like, hitting your soul. It wasn't satisfying your soul. It was not. Pursuits led to this opportunity to serve your soul.

Victor Guisfredi: I agree. Yes. I I I got the hot girls from all the diversity that didn't fulfill that need. I got the cool cars, the convertibles, the sports part of the exotic. That vehicle, they actually became a burden.  I travel around the world. That became a burden. I embarked in the music business. And once I I was living what I envisioned to, it became a burden. So you're right.

Speaker 3: Each each time I across that, I, I realized how much of, of an illusion that had , and, and, and, and that's why being found by my purpose, as I like to say it, because I I can't say that I found it when I when I decided to give up, right, I think my purpose found me, then then there's no reason to abandon it because that's what I've pursued all my life.

Bill: Yeah. Wow. What an amazing story, Victor. So I I just wanna ask you The first part of the title of your book, No Grail without dragons. You kinda touched on that a few minutes ago, but tell us how you came up with that title.

Victor Guisfredi: So one of my my childhood heroes is Indiana Jazz. And and and and one of the the movies that I remember was the pursuit for the Holy Grail, which was this this cup in which you drink and all of your issues absolve when you reach eternal life or immortality or whatever it is. And there are similarities between the Bill and the Indiana Jones movie and everything else that people talk about when they have sort of a transcendent mystical experience. Some call it Nirvana, some call it salvation. In China, the experience Ciscoisco Ng, because it's it's something that just happens to you, in in Japan, it's called Safari.

Speaker 3: And, well, and and to answer your question directly, I knew that I had to title the data at the moment that I wrote it. Mhmm. But the the meeting behind it is that I couldn't have found my soul, my, which is love, which is this peace and, and this purpose. If he wasn't for having the willingness to get up every time, Bill and try again and try again against everybody's advice.

Victor Guisfredi: If you would've heard my friend, and and my parents, they discourage me in every single way possible they could have to pursue another relationship. They they just thought I was a relationship failure. And the proof wasn't there for me to say, well, it makes sense to keep going, but something pushed me to do that. Mhmm. And so the title embodies exactly that.

Victor Guisfredi:  And and that goes for all levels of of of what you might call your grail. From working out in the morning, to reaching your purpose and finding your purpose. It it's all a battle. It's all a battle with these invincible forces that usually hold us back, you know, procrastination, waiting for the perfect moment. I'll do it later.

Victor Guisfredi:Those are all little dragons, and, and we face him in different magnitudes as, as we face different challenges, getting fired from a job is a dragon, and you can't work anymore. But, well, you have to work. So do you face the dragon and you get out of your comfort zone and you go and find another job? And you get dumped by your first or second or 10th girlfriend and he hurts. And you and you wonder why and you wonder if you're better off alone, but eventually you realize that you can't and you go back can try to make it, like they say, make it work. And so that's why the the title embodies.

Bill: Wow. And When I when I heard you say that about all these things, it's like it's really about going inside of you and what you really need, what your soul needs, you know, your soul's purpose, versus, like, what society expects from you or what your illogical brain thinks you should be doing. And it may seem totally irrational yet if if it resonates in the soul, then, yeah, that's where we gotta go.

Victor Guisfredi: Yeah. And it takes practice. It's, like,

Bill: Sure.

Victor Guisfredi: It's similar to going to the gym. If you haven't worked out for all of your life and you go to the gym and you lift five pounds, you're going to be in a lot of pain. And you might be discouraged to go back. But if you do go back, the £5 of strength that you gave, which was all you had now turns into 10. And then the 10 turn into 20, and the 20 turn into 50.

Victor Guisfredi:  And it's that constant perseverance of ours and and that gift that we have as humans that we can grow through exposure. That allows you to conquer bigger challenges. I I I've done many foolish things in my life, like just quitting jobs without any backup or selling all of my belongings and vagabonding around the world soul seeking. And it was then that I realized that we are truly supported by something else. And when we fall, we don't die.

Speaker 3: It hurts a little, but we get back up, and we realize, okay. That's not the end. I think in the movie fight club, it was it it's saying it's something like, it's only when you've lost it that you're free to do whatever you want.

Bill: Right. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, Victor, I tell you, your your story is absolutely inspiring, and I hope, some guys will take heed to what you're saying because it it's just great stuff. And, again, the name of your book is No Grail without dragons.

Victor Guisfredi: A man's unconventional path to love, purpose, and peace. If someone wants to get this book and or wants to work with you, with your mindset coaching, how can they get in touch with you?

Victor Guisfredi: Sure. They can visit my website, Victor Guisfredi.com or no Bill without dragons.com. My book is available at every book retailer online and physical. And for your audience, I would like to extend a free download code that I'll pass on with you, purpose, and love. That'll be the code, and they can head out to my website, out of the car, and, it'll be a free download for them if they're interested.

Bill: Awesome. That's very generous of you, Victor.

Speaker 3: It's my pleasure. It's the least I can do.

Bill: Awesome. Any last minute words you'd like to share with us before we part?

Victor Guisfredi: Yes. I will encourage you to pursue your passion, pursue what fulfills your soul, and realize that this life is way too short to live as a hostage of your rational mind. So just have faith in yourself and whatever it is that you believe in, and just pursue your highest goal.

Bill: Awesome, man. Well, brother, I appreciate you spending time with us and sharing your wisdom. And I wish you much success on your path to love, purpose, and peace. Good, brother.

Victor Guisfredi: Thank you, Bill. I'm I'm honored and humbled to be here, and thank you for the opportunity.

Bill: And that will conclude this bonus episode of the men on the path to love podcast. A conversation with resilience and mindset coach and author Victor Juice Freddy. And once again, I thank Victor for being on the show today and for his openness and vulnerability to share his personal journey. It was truly inspiring. And if you want your free copy of Victor's book, you can go to his website atvictorjuicefreddy.com, and you'll put in the code, purposeanlove.

Bill: No d. purposeanlove. And I'll have the website and that code in the show notes. So make sure you check it out. And if you or anyone you know may be contemplating suicide, immediate help is available by calling the Suicide hotline.  It's 988 and is available 247. Once again, the Suicide hotline is 988. Now, if you have an idea topic for the show you'd like for me to cover if you have any issues in your relationship you need support with, or just wanna connect with me,  visit my website where you can email me or set up a free call. Go to men on the path to love.com.

Bill: You can also download my free cheat sheet, 5 ways to communicate better in relationship. You can get it at men on the path to love dotcom. And if you know someone you think might benefit from listening to this podcast, I ask that you please share the link and share the So until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.

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