Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Unlocking a Life Beyond Limits

Is your mind holding you back from having the life you really want? Have you ever wondered if just by changing your mindset, you could live the life of your dreams? Then you won't want to miss this week's podcast episode as we chat with Nidhi Kapoor, a certified life coach and hypnotherapist. Nidhi shares her own personal experience and professional expertise in mindset transformation and how simple mindset shifts can lead to life-altering outcomes. Tune in to discover how changing your mindset can dramatically alter your life and learn how you can overcome your limiting beliefs to achieve your fullest potential.

What You'll Learn:

• The Power of Mindset in Personal Transformation: Learn how Nidhi overcame intense personal challenges, including several failed IVFs through mindset changes.
• Professional Growth Through Mindset Shifts: Explore how mindset affects leadership and success in the workplace.
• Techniques to Overcome Limiting Beliefs: Nidhi shares practical strategies for identifying and overcoming the barriers that your mind creates.
• Building a Winner's Mindset: Gain insights into the traits that set apart successful individuals and how you can cultivate these traits yourself.

Featured Quote: "Understanding the power of your subconscious mind can open doors you never thought possible." - Nidhi Kapoor

Show Links:

Connect with Nidhi Kapoor:

• Website: Visit Nidhi Kapoor
• YouTube: Nidhi Kapoor's Channel

Follow Us:

• LinkedIn: Investing in Women
• Instagram: @investinginwomen
• Facebook: Investing in Women FB

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Transcript

Elizabeth Willetts: 0:01

Hey, I'm Elizabeth Willits and I'm obsessed with helping as many women as possible achieve their boldest dreams after kids and helping you to navigate this messy and magical season of life. I'm a working mom with over 17 years of recruitment experience and I'm the founder of the Investing in Women job board and community. In this show, I'm honored to be chatting with remarkable women redefining our working world across all areas of business. They'll share their secrets on how they've achieved extraordinary success after children, set boundaries and balance, the challenges they faced and how they've overcome them to define their own versions of success. Shy away from the real talk? No way. Money struggles, growth, loss, boundaries and balance. We cover it all. Think of this as coffee with your mates, mixed with an inspiring TED Talk sprinkled with the career advice you wish you'd really had at school. So grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, make sure you're cosy and get ready to get inspired and chase your boldest dreams, or just survive Mondays.

Elizabeth Willetts: 1:07

This is the Work it Like A Mum podcast. This episode is brought to you by Investing in Women. Investing in Women is a job board and recruitment agency helping you find your dream part-time or flexible job with the UK's most family-friendly and forward-thinking employers. Their site can help you find a professional and rewarding job that works for you. They're proud to partner with the UK's most family-friendly employers across a range of professional industries, ready to find your perfect job. Search their website at investinginwomencouk to find your next part-time or flexible job opportunity. Now back to the show. Hi Nidhi, thank you so much for joining me today on the Work it Like A Mom podcast. I'm really excited to chat with you more. You know, into the subconscious mindset and the impact it has on your personal and professional lives, how you can maybe overcome some of those limiting beliefs, and also a little bit about your story as well. And you know how you are starting a coaching business alongside another part time job. So thank you so much for joining me today. It's brilliant to have you here.

Nidhi Kapoor: 2:24

Hi Liz, thank you very much. I'm really excited to be here.

Elizabeth Willetts: 2:29

So what drew you in? What was your first experience of coaching? Do you?

Nidhi Kapoor: 2:32

know it's quite an interesting question. I can't actually remember if there was like a first experience as such that I can say oh, this was the first time I coached. I think coaching is something and for probably a number of years coaching has not been known as coaching. It's been actually known as leadership, because I think when you are in a leadership position you're responsible for a number of people. I think there's always an element of coaching. I've always found, right from my first job that I did in a leadership position, which was an area director job, I've always found myself coaching people coaching my teams coaching. You know the colleagues I was working with. So I think it's quite interesting that you asked that question. I don't, I can't remember there was a particular time. I mean, I have done formal coaching qualification, but I think coaching has been a part of my journey for a long time have you ever been coached?

Elizabeth Willetts: 3:26

I just wondered if that's how you'd been introduced to it.

Nidhi Kapoor: 3:30

Yeah, I mean in the formal environment. Yes, I have been coached. I've had formal career coaching when I was working in Sangoban a couple of years ago. So I came back after off maternity break and I spoke to my line manager at the time and spoke to the HR director of the company at the time and I was like I want to do something more than what I'm doing right now. I want to be able to contribute more. And they kind of knew my background. So they thought yeah, absolutely, you know, we would want you to contribute more because you've got that potential. And they said how can we make this work for you? So they then introduced me to a career coach within Sangha Band and that's when I was formally coached. I think, off the top of my head, I think it was a three-month process where she formally coached me and, yeah, that was probably my first formal coaching session, if you like and how did you find it?

Elizabeth Willetts: 4:19

you know being coached.

Nidhi Kapoor: 4:20

I've always kind of known what I wanted to do in my life, both professionally and personally. So I've always had of known what I wanted to do in my life, both professionally and personally. So I've always had that. But I think coaching is the best way I can describe it is you have a lot of thoughts we all have a lot of thoughts, right and you think about all these things all the time. What do you want to do, where do you want to be? And it's kind of imagine it's something that you have got there, but then there's a lot of fog around it and you can't actually see it clearly for yourself. And I think what coaching does is it's almost like probably a bad analogy if you don't like onions but coaching is a bit like peeling the layers of onions and onion, right. So you literally take it off layer by layer and you get to the bottom of something. So I think that's the best way of describing how I found coaching.

Nidhi Kapoor: 5:03

I always knew what I wanted and when I worked with somebody and it was in a structured way and you know we went through different processes and different things and different exercises. It just gave me so much clarity and before that I'd heard that if you want to do something, you can still do it yourself, but if you want to do it quicker and more efficiently, work with a coach, and I think that was my first time experience of that. So where we got to at the end of that process, I'm sure I would have got to it somewhere close to it myself as well, but it would have taken me a very long time. So the coach I was working with, she was brilliant actually and she gave me a lot of clarity, but it wasn't.

Nidhi Kapoor: 5:42

The best thing about coaching is it's very different, as I'm sure you know, to being a mentor. So she wasn't telling me anything, she was just drawing things out of me, and I think that's quite powerful, I found, about coaching, because we already know the answers. But a good coach is somebody who can draw those answers out of you, somebody who can actually clear through that fog for you and make you see what you can't see for yourself. But you already have that. If that makes sense.

Elizabeth Willetts: 6:10

Yeah, it absolutely does so. Then what prompted you then to want to train as a coach and start delivering that service yourself?

Nidhi Kapoor: 6:17

so I um, I was made redundant in my last job with Stark and that was back in October and at that point, up until that point so I had my. So I've got two daughters and my second daughter was born in August. So when I was in maternity, as you do, at that point I had two kids and both under like the age of three. So I was thinking about what do I really want with my life? What do I want to do? What you know, and I had a great career, great job and everything but there was this part of me that just wanted to do a bit more. And because of you know the whole journey with my daughters and stuff and how that happened and I'm a big believer I just wanted to do something. I just feel, like you know, they're the best gift life has given me, the universe has given me. So I've always, since I've had my daughters, I've always been of the opinion I want to give back to society somehow. I was thinking about all of these things anyway, and then, when I went back to work after maternity, within literally a few months, my position was made redundant. So that's the time when you start reflecting on things. But what really got me interested in coaching was when my team found out that you know, I'm no longer going to be the company and stuff they sent me. I got lots of beautiful messages and you know emails and stuff from people, but there was this one particular person who sent me an email and I think that was a turning point for me, because his email was something along the lines of you know, I would have never achieved what I've achieved today had it not been for your support and your guidance. And this was somebody who wanted to progress. And they came to me about three years ago and I said to them I said look, look, you're not ready. And he didn't want to hear that, said you're not ready, but if you want to be, then I'm more than happy to work with you. If you're willing to commit to this, I'm willing to commit to this with you.

Nidhi Kapoor: 7:53

And so I worked with this person very closely for a period of a couple of years and then came a point when he was actually ready and he came to me again and he said can I now get that promotion that I wanted two years ago? And I said, yes, you can, you're ready now. And so I gave him that promotion. But he did fantastically after that. And he said to me after like six, eight months into the role he said to me he said you know what, when you said no to me back then, I just was very angry, I was very annoyed and I didn't know why you were saying no to me. He said now I understand why you said no to me. I wasn't ready then and had you given me that opportunity I would have failed miserably.

Nidhi Kapoor: 8:30

So he sent me this beautiful note when he found out about me leaving and he said you know, you have no idea how much impact you've made on my life. You saw things in me that I couldn't see in myself and you brought those things out. And I thought that is the perfect example of me coaching somebody and I have done that with a lot of people. But his email told me the profound impact it has on people's lives, because that completely changed his life. He got the position he wanted. He was a much happier person. His personal life was much better because of you know where he was professionally and stuff. And I thought do you know what, if I can do that for more people, that's exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to be able to do that many, many, many times over.

Elizabeth Willetts: 9:13

So, people, what was the journey to have your daughters? Because you mentioned you'd had a journey to have them.

Nidhi Kapoor: 9:19

Yeah, so my journey. So I got married when I was about 34 and, as you do, do you know, you start trying to have kids and stuff. And I tried, me and my husband. Our journey was about six years and I had six IVF attempts and they all literally failed. And there was nothing wrong with either one of us. We were told it was just absolutely all fine. It just all unexplained and it almost went to the point where, from the first attempt, where we had like absolutely perfect eggs and you know the grades and everything they tell you it was all superb, it was all perfect too. By the time we got to our sixth cycle it was just everything was good but nothing was working, kind of thing.

Nidhi Kapoor: 9:59

So at that point because when you're down in that depth of it and you know, you just know nothing is working for you and you're in a completely different mindset and you just start believing there's something wrong with you just nothing's going to ever work for you. I think for me that was a point in my life. So I'm on this fertility journey myself, but at the same time I'm also trying to run businesses. I'm also trying to. You know I was an area director at the time. Then I got promoted to ops director. So I'm on this journey where I'm having a lot of personal issues, personal struggles and for anyone who's been on through the IVF journey, you know how hard it can be, emotionally as well, you know physically and everything. So I'm doing that and I'm also trying to, you know, do my best at work and that's working really well. But this isn't working. So I was almost at the point where I was giving up on myself, I was giving up hope, and so I read something about mindset and something just clicked because this was like almost at this point. I'm five and a half years into my fertility journey and I just read something. I can't even remember whether it was a video I saw or something I read, but it talked about mindset and it talked about how your mindset impacts literally everything. And I thought, hmm, that's interesting. And I spent the next year just literally studying about mindset. Anything I could get my hands on, I would understand, I would study. So for me it wasn't so much about the IVF journey or the IVF struggle I mean, that was obviously there. But I still remember my last IVF cycle.

Nidhi Kapoor: 11:26

They did the egg retrieval and they basically, when I woke up after that. The doctor came to me and his face I will never forget that for the life of me and I'm still not fully conscious at this stage. And he came to the room and he said I'm sorry, mrs Kapoor, we've not been able to retrieve any eggs and I'm like like what. And I'm still trying to, you know, get around to this. I'm like what. But it was all so fine and you know, all the tests prior to that day were all so brilliant and everything. And he said, yeah, we, we don't know what's happened and we just can't, we just haven't managed to do it. And he just left and I'm just sat there, barely conscious at this stage, and it was like my world has just ended.

Elizabeth Willetts: 12:03

My world has just stopped yeah, and had you been doing some of the mindset work at that point?

Nidhi Kapoor: 13:13

well, not really started that much at that point, but it was the week after. That was probably one of the worst weeks of my life ever, because all I could do literally was think about the doctor and remember that scene from the ward and his face and everything. It was like your world's ended now, because and then we thought about you know, what can we do? My husband said, well, let's try adoption, because we definitely wanted to have kids. We looked at all of those options and then at some point, as we're into this journey, I'm like now I'm not against adoption at all and I've got a lot of respect for people who adopt at the same time. That wasn't my calling and I said to my husband I said, look, stop, let's stop, let's stop. We're not doing something right here, it's. The problem isn't my body, the problem is my mind, and I get that because everything has worked for us, but nothing has worked for us. And that is because in my mind somewhere I've got this belief that this isn't going to work for me. So I need to fix my mind before we talk about fixing anything else. And that's when I really started the journey with you know, talking about understanding everything about your mindset and how important it is and what's actually subconscious mind? Why is it important to know about subconscious mind? And I am somebody who's very much from a business background. I mean, I started my first business when I was like 23 years old, so I don't believe in a lot of woo-woo stuff. But when I actually understood none of this is woo-woo, and how powerful understanding your subconscious is and how that can change your limiting beliefs around anything, really it just completely changed the direction of my life. Because I remember saying to my husband it was, I think, december 2021, I said to my husband one day I was like you know what I'm going to be a mom, and nobody in the world can stop that happening. And he was like what's wrong with you? I said no, you don't get it. I understand now what I need to face and I'm going to do it.

Nidhi Kapoor: 15:01

And then I started researching. You know I'd lost faith, to be honest, in IVF procedures in here and everything. And I started looking around and I was like where can I get the best treatment? Where can I get people who believe in me? Because I think of for a lot of period, I was told constantly about my age and so that was all impacting my mindset, yeah, and it just nickels in, doesn't it? You know, you? You were at that certain age. It's not very difficult. These are your percentage chances. Blah, blah, blah. And I was like this is all just nonsense. Just park it. Maybe that's not. That's what you're telling yourself. These are the stories you're being told, that you're believing in. So we're going to change the stories now. So I remember that December of 2021, I just literally spent all of my Christmas break researching where could I go. I talked to various people. Long story short, we went to Prague. We got our IVF done there and, within the first attempt, I had my daughter. And I had my daughter in 2022.

Nidhi Kapoor: 15:52

And it was a beautiful delivery, other than, obviously, the all-day sickness you get and everything during the first trimester. It was absolutely beautiful. I had no issues whatsoever, even though, you know, because of my age and everything, I was put in extra care and all of that. But it was absolutely perfect for me no complications, nothing. And then I said to my husband you know what? I want another child. So we then tried, because we you know, it was an IVF cycle, so we still had frozen embryo. So I was like, let's try again. And we did and I conceived.

Nidhi Kapoor: 16:20

However, I was within the first I think it was about nine, 10 weeks, something like that, and basically I was pregnant at that stage, but it was very early and we hadn't even told many people about it because it was that early and I basically one day had intense pain, a lot of bleeding and everything, to the point where I had to be rushed to the hospital and an ambulance came and everything.

Nidhi Kapoor: 16:40

And the doctor checked me and he said well, we think, mrs Kapoor, you've had a miscarriage, but because of there being no availability right now, we can't't do an ultrasound, so you'll have to come back. We'll tell you, you'll have to come back. And so I came home and there was this part of me that was just not going to believe that and I just was like I'm not letting go of my baby. And at that point I'm like, fully understanding how the subconscious works and how you can hold on to things, positive and negative and like I'm just not doing this, this, I'm not letting you go anywhere anyway. Two days later, they called me for an ultrasound and the lady who was doing it she didn't know the backstory here, so she just thought it was a routine ultrasound. So she's doing the ultrasound and she's like oh, look there's your tiny bean.

Nidhi Kapoor: 17:19

That's the heartbeat. Me and my husband like what, what did you just say? She said yeah, and she showed us on the screen and everything. And we're like, wow, so we have got two beautiful daughters today. And my second daughter's birth was, I mean, the pregnancy was brilliant, but we had some complications at birth because of staff shortages and stuff. So we had a lot of complications at birth and I was told I've lost 50% of my blood because they had to operate and everything.

Nidhi Kapoor: 17:44

And I remember waking up in the doctor saying, well, you know, we're going to move you in this special unit and there'll be two midwives looking after you because you just you've just lost too much blood and you know we just need to make sure you're OK and you'll be here for at least a week. And I'm like I'm not going to be here for a week, I want to be home tomorrow and I'm going home tomorrow. I said, yeah, we'll see about that. But literally that same. They were like how are you looking so well? You've lost so much blood, you've just delivered a baby. How are you looking so well?

Nidhi Kapoor: 18:09

I said because I am refusing to accept that I'm going to be here for a week and I am going to be home tomorrow and that's what I'm telling my mind and that is what's going to happen and that's what and that's where you're going to help me. And they're like okay, that's quite strange. And I remember that same evening they came to me at around seven o'clock and they're like do you mind if we shift you to the normal ward? Because actually we don't see any reason why we should keep you here. Your stats are all fine, you're looking healthy and everything. Like yeah, fine, no problem, just move me here. And I remember the following morning the doctors came and they're like we don't know how you're doing it, but you're actually fine, so we don't think we need to keep you here. Do you want to go home? I said yeah, absolutely so. The following day they sent me back home interesting that's.

Elizabeth Willetts: 18:51

You know it's such an interesting story because my first daughter, she was born through IVF and we were unexplained, like you, and it took us not quite as long as it took us four and a half years and then, when she was a year old, just under a year old I found out I was pregnant again. Naturally. Wow, and I do. Yeah, I think there is something in it and I know it's very frustrating for people when you're trying and people say just relax, it'll happen. But I think there is something in that you know relaxing or believing or knowing that you can do it. That then helps you.

Nidhi Kapoor: 19:24

You know, conceive the next one yeah, I think it's also the fact that you know when you're trying to conceive and you're really struggling. It's all the stories you tell yourself around it and it's all the limiting beliefs. But I'm sure when you had your daughter you weren't actually telling yourself those stories because you already know, yeah, they all go, don't they?

Elizabeth Willetts: 19:42

it's like you, just they just sort of washed away. Really, it seems I had her and then you know we are our own worst enemies.

Nidhi Kapoor: 19:49

I'm sure you've heard that as well. But it's all the limiting beliefs that we have. When you take them away, miracles can happen, absolutely.

Elizabeth Willetts: 19:57

So how do you take them away? I mean, I understand, you know, if you've been trying for a baby for a long time, you suddenly have a baby, you're like, wow, I can do it. But you know, generally, you know bringing it back into the workplace or whatever. If you're constantly telling yourself, I'm not good enough, I can't do this, I can't do that, how do you take them away?

Nidhi Kapoor: 20:15

I wish it was a simple thing. I think it's not easy. Let's just say that, because the first thing is we have and I think there's been various studies on this, we have, on an average, about 60,000 beliefs a day, and most of them are negative. A vast majority of those beliefs are negative, right, so it's not that easy to take them away, because that's what we're doing a majority of times. I think what's quite powerful is actually being aligned or being in tune with your own self, because quite often we have those beliefs and we don't even recognize them.

Nidhi Kapoor: 20:47

So I'll give you a simple example. Right, you get up in the morning and you're getting ready to go to work and suddenly something happens. Right, you drop something and now you've got an extra 10 minutes to clear that mess. That's just something that's happened. Right, what we would quite often do is we would say something along the lines of you stupid, why did you have to do that? What a mess have I created? Now, it's going to take me 10 minutes, it's going to do this right.

Nidhi Kapoor: 21:11

So, straight away, we have become negative and we are talking to ourselves. Imagine you, your friend, did the same thing. Would you turn around to them and say you stupid, you've just dropped that you're not going to. You know, use an extra 10 minutes just to clean up when you're already getting late for work. You just wouldn't do that to your friend, would you? But you would quite easily do that to yourself. So when we talk about how do you take away those limiting beliefs, I think the first thing we need to do is actually be self-compassion. Give yourself some freedom, give yourself, show yourself some compassion. If you're not going to use a particular language or you're not going to talk to your friend in a particular way, don't talk to yourself in that way either. If a friend comes to you and says do you know what? I really feel miserably. I had a presentation at work today and I did a terrible job at it.

Nidhi Kapoor: 22:00

Now what are you going to say to your friend? You're not going to say, yeah, you were terrible. You're going to say, no, look, you know what. You tried your best. These were the things that you did really well, yeah. Okay, maybe a couple of things didn't go as you planned, but you know what you can work on them next time. That's how you talk to a friend, but what you would do to yourself most likely or I would certainly do to myself, or or have done that for years is I would just beat myself up so much over those little failures.

Nidhi Kapoor: 22:26

So I think, if you want to change those limiting beliefs, the first thing we need to do is just have some compassion for yourself, the same as you would have for other people, because you need to show yourself some of that. I think the other powerful thing you can do is actually stop those beliefs in their tracks and question them. So if you've got a limiting belief, like I was, you know, up until three, four years ago, I was terrified of public speaking. Don't know why, but I just was, you know, and if I had to present, I would be like all terrified. And it's not that I didn't know my stuff. I, of course, knew my stuff, but it was just the whole presentation thing. Now that could be a limiting belief for a lot of people. I think public speaking I can't remember where I read it now, but public speaking some people fear it more than death, that's what I read. So public speaking is like a big thing for people. But if you've got that limiting belief before you so it always starts with a thought You'll always have a thought, and a thought is just a thought until you actually give it some power. Now, when you start giving your thoughts some power, you then change your thoughts into beliefs and then those beliefs will start changing you as a person. So we first make our beliefs and then our beliefs turn around and they make us who. We are right. So if you've got a thought, the best thing you can do is to challenge that thought at that thought stage and not give it the power to make it a belief.

Nidhi Kapoor: 23:47

So, going back to the example I was just using, if you've got a limiting belief oh, I'm just, you know, I'm just a bad public speaker Okay, okay, that's just a thought at this stage. So stop that thought right there and question it, question its validity. Okay, why do I think I'm a bad public speaker? What's happened in the past? Have I really done any public speaking in the past where I've failed? Well, actually no. Am I confident when I'm talking to people that I know? Yeah, actually I am. I'm quite confident when I talk to people I know Okay.

Nidhi Kapoor: 24:16

So and then you start that conversation, that dialogue with yourself to flip the script in your mind. So when you've got a negative thought before, you give it power and make it a belief, and then that belief makes you who you are. To stop it at that stage and go okay, hang on a minute, why am I believing this? What have I got? You know, what proof have I got to say this is actually correct? And if I haven't, then that's where you question with yourself and go okay, so if I haven't got any proof that I'm actually bad at public speaking, what is it? What is it that's stopping me or what is it that's scaring me from public speaking?

Elizabeth Willetts: 24:55

interesting. You say you've done some videos I know you've got a youtube channel, um about like how to take criticism, because you know that's another thing. I struggle with that and I you know I'm probably not alone, but it's very hard not to take criticism personally, so what advice would you have regarding that?

Nidhi Kapoor: 25:12

I think I mean, you know you can, you can always watch that video. I've covered quite a few points in this, but I think for here, I think, the most powerful thing I would offer is.

Nidhi Kapoor: 25:21

You know, advice to anybody about criticism is you, and only you, have the power to reject yourself, because essentially that is what criticism is Somebody is rejecting something, whether it's something you've done, whether it's your behavior, whether it's your attitude. I think once we understand that truly we are the only people who've got the power to reject ourselves, that completely changes everything. So think of it like a gift. Liz, if you gave me a gift and I said, well, thank you, but I don't need it, liz, I don't want your gift, well, that's fine, you can't force me to accept your gift. Criticism is a bit like that. You can give me your feedback and that's absolutely fine, and a lot of times there's always something right in the feedback and it's more about how can I take the good out of it and make myself better, how do I learn from what you're telling me? But the bad part of it, or the other part that people often feel bad about or don't like, is the hurt that that causes. Now, if we understand that actually nobody in this world has the power to hurt me until I choose to give them that power, I think that changes things quite a bit. So if you're giving me some feedback. I take the positives out of it and I go okay, yeah, maybe you know she's right, maybe this is the part I can work on. Yeah, I'll take that and you know I'll think about what I want to do and how I want to work on that. But actually the part that I don't like, or the hurt part, I choose not to accept it. It's a gift you're giving me but I don't want it. So if I don't want it, it stays with you. So I choose to accept that criticism or I choose not to accept that criticism, and I think that understanding that is quite powerful.

Nidhi Kapoor: 26:59

If somebody is criticizing you, also remember if they are doing it in a productive way, that's fine. If they are giving you feedback in a productive way, that's perfect, because we all need that. We need feedback to improve, which is brilliant. But if they're doing it in an unproductive way, if they're criticizing you, I think it's quite important. Again, look at the deeper layer. It's quite important to understand.

Nidhi Kapoor: 27:20

It's quite often hurt people hurt others. So hurt people hurt people. So if you've got somebody who's giving you criticism and it's in a very or giving you feedback, but it's in a very unproductive way, it's in a very critical way. There's a good chance. They don't know any better. There's a good chance. That is how they have been given feedback. So it's almost again having a bit of compassion. So, rather than thinking, do you know what I feel so bad about it? Now I feel compassion towards you because I think you know. Know what I feel so bad about it now I'm. I feel compassion towards you because I think you know no better, and so you don't know of a better way of giving me feedback than actually criticizing me.

Elizabeth Willetts: 27:55

Interesting you mentioned this before the call about a winner's mindset. What mindset do winners typically have, and is there anything we can be inspired to borrow?

Nidhi Kapoor: 28:05

I think one of the things and I think anyone who's achieved anything in their life would probably agree with this I think we are all dealt with the same cards. It's how you play those. That's the important thing. So anybody I mean because I do YouTube videos, I research quite a lot and I research about a lot of people and you know I was reading the other day about Elon Musk and how he's built brands. But then also you look at a number of popular and you know people have done really, really well and they've gone. They've built something, then they've gone bankrupt. They haven't stopped there. They've started again and they've built something even bigger, even better.

Nidhi Kapoor: 28:39

I think it's understanding that a lot of it. For me, winner's mindset is a couple of things. It's not complicated, it's not rocket science. I think it's, first, the belief in yourself. Belief and unshakable belief that you can actually achieve something, because if you don't believe in yourself, I think nothing else really matters. You could have and people spend.

Nidhi Kapoor: 28:59

When you talk about businesses, I think people talk a lot about strategy and strategy is important for any business to be successful. I'm not denying that at all, but I think strategy is 20 percent 80% is your mindset and anyone who's a great leader, anyone who's an inspirational figure today. You look back at their history and the one thing common you would see in all of them is they don't give up, is that they have got this mindset of success and that, I think, is so important. I mean, there are other things that are important, like there's a very popular book from Robin Sherman, I think it's called the 5am club. Again, there are certain things you would see about these people in terms of their discipline, their discipline in literally everything, the amount of commitment they have to what they're doing, and you'll see them, you know, being very meticulous about how they're doing things and stuff. I think the biggest thing, if you really want to be a winner in your life, the biggest thing you have to do is to actually have that mindset that goes do you know what? Success is non-negotiable for me. And now all I have to do is, if that's the non-negotiable, if that's the constant I want in my life, what do I need to make happen to get to where I need to get to? And then you find ways, you find different things that will come to you and it's almost like you know people have got different energies. You attract people who are on the same level as you, who've got the same kind of energy as you, and everybody knows that right. So it's if you've got the right mindset and if you've got the right attitude, you attract people.

Nidhi Kapoor: 30:30

There's this whole thing around manifestation and stuff.

Nidhi Kapoor: 30:32

Now, I'm not an expert on manifestation, but I have put a lot of stuff out there on manifestation because I believe in that.

Nidhi Kapoor: 30:40

I mean, you know, I often say to people I've manifested my kids in my life, because the day I said to my husband, you know what I'm gonna have kids, was the day it was written on the wall for me and that was the truth, the only truth that was going to be there, and so everything else, kind of for me, fell in place.

Nidhi Kapoor: 30:56

For that to happen, so you almost have to have that unshakable belief in yourself, in what you're trying to achieve, and then everything else falls into place and you end up doing things which you know you challenge yourself. So, coming back to public speaking, if you want to achieve something, a lot of it comes down to networking. You're scared of networking, you know you have to learn those things, so there's a lot of skills that you have to learn. But ultimately, if you have such unshakable belief that I'm going to do this and I'm going to get there, everything else will fall in place for you yeah, I guess, if you have that belief, you know you have to do all the other things and it kind of spurs you on, doesn't it?

Elizabeth Willetts: 31:34

it's a bit like the IVF. It's not actually a nice thought. But if you really want a child and you know, and you've tried all the avenues, naturally you know you have to do it, and then it sort of spurs you on, doesn't it, if you can see that end goal. So talk me through your coaching business, how you've sort of set it up and you know how it's running now and how you're structuring your days.

Nidhi Kapoor: 31:53

Yeah, so I'm a certified life coach, but I'm also a certified hypnotherapist. So I do. I have trained in something called RTT, which is rapid transformational therapy. Now it's for those people who don't know it, rapid transformational therapy. It's kind of therapy that combines various things. So it's not just hypnotherapy. It's got elements of CBT, neurolinguistic programming, timeline therapy, and it's actually a program that is developed by a lady called Marisa Peer. She is one of the top hypnotherapists in the UK. She's from what I know. She's also been, she's been a hypnotherapist for the British royalty. So you know she knows her stuff, she knows what she's talking about. So I've trained in her method, her method as well.

Nidhi Kapoor: 32:35

But basically what I do is I work with people. So coaching for me is where you take somebody and you look at their present and you almost take them on a journey, kind of hand-holding, not telling them what to do but, like I said before, drawing out from them what they want and how they can get there. So coaching for me is a journey where you take somebody in their present and you move them to the future that they want, which is fantastic. What I found was, as I was doing this, what I found was sometimes there are beliefs that you're holding on to from your past, and until you overcome those beliefs, you actually are not able to move forward at the pace that you want to. So what I do now is I kind of combine the two where I need to. So if somebody, for example, has got a limiting belief that's stopping them from getting to where they want to, quite often that limiting belief is nothing to do with their present. It's to do with their past. And having worked with quite a few people, I now also know that most of the limiting beliefs that people have is actually from their childhood years. So it's amazing how much beliefs we form and how they shape our life, and all these beliefs are formed up until we're from right, from birth to the age of seven. Those beliefs that we form up until that age of seven, how they carry us for the rest of our life and how they impact us for the rest of our life. So what I do is sometimes we just need coaching because we haven't got those, you know, those limiting beliefs in the past, and so therefore, there is no baggage there to clear, if you like, and we work with people and I work with people in their present to get them to the desired future. But at times, you just know, even when you know the first couple of sessions, you just know there's something in the back here, background here, that we need to overcome those limiting beliefs for them to truly be in the present and to move forward. And so that's where I can offer them that.

Nidhi Kapoor: 34:20

You know the RTT and hypnotherapy as well, where we go back and it's not therapy as we traditionally know it. So I'm not a therapist where you know people would come for five years, 10 years or something like that. At most it takes about three or four sessions, if need be. People have felt impact. After one session, which is about two hours long, they felt impact. So, if need be, we'll work on that.

Nidhi Kapoor: 34:43

First, get rid of their limiting beliefs, anything in the past that's holding them back, and then they're well and truly in the present, and then help them to get from where they are today to where they actually need to get it to. And that's kind of so my coaching, so my method, I call it the quantum shift method and that's pretty much what it is. So we look at, we have our first few calls to understand where the person is and it's quite clear, it's quite evident if somebody is holding on to limiting beliefs from their past, it's quite evident. And that's when I offer them look, look, we can work together on this. And but let's first work together on clearing your past limiting beliefs so you can well and truly be in the present, and then we'll we'll get you to where you want to get to that sounds amazing.

Elizabeth Willetts: 35:25

It sounds, it does sound really helpful and I can understand the benefits for people, both professionally and personally, and you're currently doing, I think, aren't you like a lot of people when they start a business? Have you got another job, another part-time?

Nidhi Kapoor: 35:39

It's quite interesting because I was thinking about what do I actually want to do? And it's not been that long I've been professionally coaching. I just thought you know what? I come more from a service than a how can coaching give me money really, really quick kind of background. For me, it's more about how do I serve somebody so powerfully that it changes their life for the better, how do they achieve their breakthrough? And I just thought about it and I thought you know what? I just wanted to take my time with this and I wanted to be able to serve people, but also things like my YouTube and stuff. I don't make any money from it, it's just something I put out there because I love to be able to share some you know, some things with people, and it helps me grow as an individual because, you know, they say the best way to learn is to teach. So it helps me grow as an individual as well.

Nidhi Kapoor: 36:20

But I thought I'm doing a lot of this, but what I do need is I need to make sure my cash flow is absolutely fine. And so it's quite interesting because, again, it's the whole manifestation thing I think for me, because I was just thinking. Thinking there needs to be something where, you know, I don't necessarily have to worry about cash flow, but also where I can add some value. But it also allows me to continue doing what I'm doing with. You know, I've got different plans of how I want to serve people and stuff, but I want to be able to do that and not have to really worry about my cash flow. And so I'm talking to my ex-line manager, who's now in a company and he's the MD, and he's like do you know what? I've got this opportunity, there's this role, and it's not quite your level. However, it's building something that basically from ground up, which doesn't exist right now, and it's building something from ground up. What do you think about it? And I said, wow, that's quite interesting, because that's what I love. I love challenges and I love give me something that either is broken and ask me to fix it and, you know, take it to the next level or give me something that needs to be built from the ground up, and that's kind of my thing, and he knows that because he's been my line manager for a long time. So he said what do you think of that? And I thought that's exciting, that's what I would like.

Nidhi Kapoor: 37:25

I mean, you know, I wouldn't want to just go and do some part-time jobs somewhere just to keep things going, because that would make me dead mentally and I thought that's not what I want to do. So he told me about what it was and I went and, you know, interviewed some people in treatment. They were like, yeah, you'll be good at this, let's do that. So he knows, and I was very clear with the people who interviewed me as well look, this isn't me long term, this isn't what I'm going to do. What I'm going to do is take this, build it up and put it in a really good position, hand it back to you and then somebody can take it forward from here. And they were like, yeah, that's fine, we'd rather you do that than we take somebody who's not going to be able to do a job and, you know, just keep plodding on for years. So that's what I do right now.

Elizabeth Willetts: 38:05

I do that as a as my, you know, I can see how it complements this coaching, though it's like you know, it's fixing a process or fixing a person.

Nidhi Kapoor: 38:12

Yeah, and I think you know, as a coach, you have to work on yourself all the time. So in my mind I'm like, okay, so this is my situation right now. I want to be able to serve people, but I know it takes a bit of time to build your own business and to do things that way. And at the moment I do work with. You know, my clients are more based in the US, so it works perfectly for me as well, because their timing is, like you know, completely different. So it just works perfectly for me. But for me it was more about OK, so this is my situation. How do I coach myself? How do I get the best outcome for me right now? You know you go through all these different options and then you look at what can work for you. So it's almost like self-coaching, and as a coach, you have to constantly keep coaching yourself. So it's a perfect situation.

Nidhi Kapoor: 38:53

It does add a lot of pressure to my day, but I think that's always been my thing. I thrive under pressure. The more pressure the better, because I think it just helps me always be, you know, level up. I'm always somebody who wants to be better tomorrow than I am today, and you know it's a cliche, but I genuinely do not compete with anybody. It's for me.

Nidhi Kapoor: 39:15

It's about how do I make myself the best version of myself, and I've not got there yet, but I do know that I'm better today than I was yesterday because I'm working on myself constantly. So I think if you keep working on yourself, people see that as well and people believe in you. So if you're coaching somebody, the first thing that needs to happen is they need to believe in you. So if you're coaching somebody, the first thing that needs to happen is they need to believe in you as a coach and they need to believe that you'll be able to get them from where they are today to where they need to go to yeah, and you help people identify where they need to go or want to go.

Elizabeth Willetts: 39:45

I help them.

Nidhi Kapoor: 39:46

I don't do it for them because, again, that's not my job as a coach. But yeah, sometimes it's, you know. Going back to my onion example, it's just I help them peel the layers because, yeah, I kind of know. What I find is quite often people do know, but they're just not very clear. I've not seen many times where they go. I haven't got a clue. Even when they say that if you ask them the right powerful questions, they figure out they have got a clue, it's just not very clear in their mind. So my job is to make sure how do I take them from if they say I haven't got a clue to? Ah, okay, I now know what I want to do. How can you help me get there, yeah, faster quicker, more efficiently.

Elizabeth Willetts: 40:23

Yeah, because I think that's a lot of things, isn't it? People don't? They say they don't know what they want to do, just thinking careers. Actually, they do. It's just like peeling it back, although I they do. It's just like peeling it back, although I guess some people speak to me when they are very, very confused. So maybe where can people go to find you and get that clarity?

Nidhi Kapoor: 40:41

Well, so they can. They can certainly check out my website, which is nidhi kapoorcom, like I said. So I offer one-to-one sessions as well. I offer people work with me for three months or six months depends on what result they're looking for, but also, like I said, if they're not ready for that just yet or they don't want to make the investment although I think the best investment you can make um ever is in yourself. I'm a big believer of that. You know we all love shoes and we all love bags and they look all pretty and nice and everything. But if you really want something, some result, you have to invest in yourself. So you know, for that there's there's a lot of information on my website.

Nidhi Kapoor: 41:17

I am a big believer in offering a lot of value to people. So if you go on my website, there's some free meditations and and stuff like that as well. They can also go on my youtube channel. Like I said, I've got about over 100 videos now and I post twice a week. And what's your youtube channel? It is well, if you search at nidhikapoor, you'll get my youtube channel and it's got lots of information. I get some really good feedback when people actually do see my videos. It's a different challenge, however, with how youtube algorithm works and everything, and because it's a passion project, you know, I'm just never going to stop doing that. I just like to offer value to people doing that, but also, especially in the current market, because it's tough out there at the minute. I mean, you know I'm sure you're seeing it more than I do, liz, but there's literally every day I get on an average about two posts talking about redundancies, where people have been made redundant or they're finding it hard. So what I've also done because I've got a lot of corporate leadership experience and also I wanted to add the whole mindset piece to it.

Nidhi Kapoor: 42:14

So I have done a mini course which is available on my website. It's called the confidence. It's basically for interview. So the course is called confidence mastery interview preparation. It's what I would say, the perfect combination to.

Nidhi Kapoor: 42:27

A lot of people work on their CVs, and rightly so. But you can have the best CV in the world, you can have the shiniest cv in the world and you could have spent hundreds. I mean somebody. When I was talking to somebody about their cv, about my cv, they said they're going to charge me an amount which was like three times my mortgage, my monthly mortgage amount, so you can have the shiniest cv. But actually that cv can only get you in front of the right people. That cv won't get you the job. What would get you the job? What would get you the job is you is how you put yourself, how you present yourself and how confident you are and, most importantly, how you believe in yourself, your mindset on the day before the day, preparing for the day.

Nidhi Kapoor: 43:03

So that mini course that I've designed, it's all to do with mindset. So it talks a bit about the psychology of interview preparation. It talks about various tools and strategies on how to be confident on the day of the interview. It's also got a visualization which is literally a five minute visualization before you actually even head for your interview, but and scientifically proven how that changes your body, how that changes your psychology, that whole visualization piece. So it's on my website and at the moment, just because I want to help people, I'm not putting it out for free, because I do believe sometimes people don't take things that seriously if it's completely for free. But I wanted it to be as good as free. So it's on my website right now and the whole course is only about 599. So it's like you know the price of a meal deal really, but people can download that and, like I said, it's the perfect complement to you working on your CV.

Nidhi Kapoor: 43:56

So if you know your CV has got you so far and now you've got the big day coming, how do you put yourself in the right frame of mind? And you know I talk all the time about mindset. So how do you be in that right frame of mind? What does it entail to be in that right mindset where you can actually go and impress the people? So that course covers all of that. So at the moment there's a special offer on that and, like I said, it's only 5.99 if anyone's interested brilliant, lovely.

Elizabeth Willetts: 44:20

so we'll put all the links in the show notes. I'm sure that course will be helpful as well, not just for interviews, but if you've got big meeting or a pitch or something like that, sure there's lots of things you you can take from that. Thank you so much indeed. I really. Oh, me too, liz, thank you, thank you for having me on here. Thank you, thank you for listening to another episode of the Work it Like A Mum podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review and subscribe, and don't forget to share the link with a friend. If you're on LinkedIn, please send me a connection request at Elizabeth Willett and let me know your thoughts on this week's episode with a friend. If you're on LinkedIn, please send me a connection request at Elizabeth Willett and let me know your thoughts on this week's episode. You can also follow my recruitment site, investing in Women on LinkedIn, facebook and Instagram. Until next time, keep on chasing your biggest dreams.