#45: Are you classroom managing like a fist, or a palm? A game-changing metaphor that will shape the way you approach behaviour in the heat of the moment

In today’s episode, I am going to be giving you a visual metaphor to approaching challenging classroom behaviour that can be a game changer.

This is something that I was taught way back in my first year of teaching and it has stuck with me ever since. It is one of the things that started to really build my own classroom management approach to what it is today.

I use it in my own classroom, I discuss this over the table with my own staff, I have presented this to different schools, I embed it in my online courses, and today, I will be sharing it with you.

As the first episode of 2024, I will also be giving you a bit of an overview of all of the exciting things happening here at The Unteachables Academy, including the release of my first ever book!

Have a question, comment, or just want to say hello? Drop us a text!

Pre-order a copy of my book ‘It’s Never Just About the Behaviour: A holistic approach to classroom behaviour management

Other ways I can support you in your teaching practice:

Speaker 1: 0:07

Welcome to the Unteachables podcast. I'm Claire English, a passionate secondary teacher and leader, turned teacher, mentor and author, and I'm on a mission to transform classroom management and teacher support in schools. It doesn't feel that long ago that I was completely overwhelmed and out of my depth of behaviour, trying to swim rather than sink. It took me spending thousands of hours in the classroom, with all of the inevitable ups and downs, to make me the teacher that I am today Confident, capable and empowered in my ability to teach all students yes, even the ones who are the toughest to reach and now I'm dedicated to supporting teachers like yourself to do the same. I created the Unteachables podcast to give you the simple and actionable classroom management strategies and support that you need to run your room with confidence and calm. So if you're a teacher or one in the making, and you're wanting to feel happy and empowered and actually enjoy being in the classroom, whilst also making a massive impact with every single one of your students, then you're definitely in the right place. Let's get started. Hello everybody, welcome back to the Unteachables podcast and welcome to 2024. Happy New Year. I hope you've all had a really nice time. I definitely have, because I don't usually take a break like the one that I've just taken. So the podcast has been, you know, on a bit of a height as for two, three weeks, and it's been amazing I've had the opportunity just to hang out with my family and my daughter turned one and she had her first Christmas and it's just been a really, really nice time. So I hope that, whatever you're doing or wherever you are, that it's been a really positive end of 2023 and start of the year and that you're just resting, resting up and I really don't practice what I preach very often, to be honest with you and being able to have that break has been brilliant. So I do hope that for the rest of you as well.

Speaker 1: 1:54

In today's episode, on the same line of thought of it's a new year, it's a fresh start, even if you're not a fresh start in terms of, like the academic year, I wanted to share something that I use myself, that I've seen myself in the past, that I always kind of returned to, and it's a bit of a visual metaphor and it just really helps me in approaching challenging behaviors in a positive way. It really is a game changer and the second I saw this in my first year of teaching. It's really stuck with me and it's one of those things that it decided to kind of build my own classroom management approach to what it is today. It's like planting those seeds of something that was going to develop into what it is in terms of like being a really holistic approach, and I use it in my own classroom now. I discuss it over the table with my own staff, I've presented this to different schools, I embedded in my online courses and today I'm going to be sharing it with you because it really is a game changer with how we approach challenging behavior and just our mindset around it.

Speaker 1: 2:53

And as the first episode of 2024, I'm also going to be giving you a bit of an overview of this episode, of all the exciting things happening here at the Anticipal Academy, including the release of my first book. It is 2024, which means my book comes out this year and I'm bloody stoked. I'm so excited. But before we dive into all of that, I just wanted to say, if you're new to this podcast or if you're a return listener as well and haven't done so yet, be sure to click on the plus button on Apple podcast or follow on Spotify or however else you subscribe on the platform you're listening to. This year I have got some incredible people that I'm talking to. I've got some really exciting things to share. I really want to focus this year on adding as much value as I can through the podcast. So if you don't want to miss an episode, just Go and follow or go subscribe while I'm talking now. It takes two seconds and then you'll be sure to make sure that all of the episodes are there in your inbox ready to go when they're out.

Speaker 1: 3:50

So the biggest news that I have obviously is that my book is never just about the behavior. A holistic approach to classroom behavior management is officially available for pre-order as of a couple of days ago. The link I'm going to link you in the show notes Just be aware that it's Amazon UK at the moment that it's available on. It will be available in the US on Amazon and Australia on Booktopia, I believe, but I'll keep you posted on the data release for those. But at the moment, as it stands, it's just available for pre-order in the UK and I think it's just waiting for Amazon to process things. But that is the most exciting thing that I could possibly imagine going on to Amazon and seeing the book cover there that I was working with the illustrator on and my name on the front cover of a book and just knowing that this book is something that is going to be so beneficial to so many teachers and it's just something that I would have died for for at any point of my career. So I'm just extremely excited to get that out into the world, and it was just thinking about 2023 and the amount of work that I put into that and it was such a labor of love and just seeing it there, completed, ready to go, it's just incredibly exciting. So I can't wait for you to read that.

Speaker 1: 5:08

The second exciting thing that's happening is that it's not going to be long before you can enroll in the 2024 intake of my comprehensive classroom management course. That'll teach them. This is my signature training program and the problem with a lot of approaches to behavior that are more trauma, informed or restorative and I think this is why some teachers also have a bit of a be in their bond about it is that it's rarely backed up with really tangible, relatable, actionable steps to fill in, powered with behavior. But that'll teach them is giving you the exact roadmaps and resources that you need to walk into your classroom feeling confident and calm and in control, and it takes you through the journey of being able to mitigate the behavior. So I go through. The curriculum is three hours.

Speaker 1: 5:57

So it's about reducing behavior that can occur, which is mainly like the low level behaviors that can be reduced through the things that we do in our practice, and then it's about responding to behavior that still does pop up in the lesson and then, finally, about how to resolve that behavior. So all of the things like you know real consequences, the dialogue that you need to use to to create real change, the transformation that we need for our students, how to increase accountability with our young people so all of those things are going to be covered in the course and it really is just about you feeling like you've got this, you can walk in and you like there are so many things that we can't control in our classrooms, but it's about what can we do when we walk into our. I like to call them our islands, because there are lots of things in the teaching world that we can't control, but what we can control is our little space, our little patch, our little island. So enrollment opens in April. So I think it's April, the 6th of the 2024 intake of that course. You can join the waitlist now and if you join the waitlist, then you'll be the first to be able to enroll in the course and you'll also claim be able to claim an early bird discount and get any cause bonuses that I have released. I'm got in the works at the moment, which are going to be very exciting and very worthwhile. So if you do think that that'll teach him is for you, then make sure you jump on the waitlist and I will put the link in the show notes for that as well as that. So I've got the book, I've got that'll teach him and, as well as that, I'm going to be running a free live workshop around the same time as that'll teach him comes out. So please keep your eyes peeled for that. I am also in the process of developing a low level behavior bootcamp for later in the year, which is also something I'm really excited about.

Speaker 1: 7:36

And on top of actually, you know, obviously I'm going to be doing the podcast and continuing to support people for free through my Instagram and all the rest of it, but this year I really want to work more in alignment with my values and I think things started to change for me when I had Ava and I thought what? I think I had a bit of an existential crisis after I had Ava, to be honest with you, thinking about, oh my God, the impermanency of life. That's a totally different story. But I want to work more in alignment with my values and have an impact through the unteachables and the Unteachables Academy, which is why I'm going to be donating a portion of every single enrollment that I get this year, and I have something really exciting that I'm working on with somebody that I know and I will give you more information when I can about where that money is going Myself and one of the leaders of the program. We want to just finalize some things and make it formal, and in the second recommendation, myreating will be that it will add a certain amount of effort. Yeah, and obviously I'll give you more information when I can, but what you can know is that in 2024, when you work with me through any course, that a portion of your enrollment is going to be going directly to fund the education and future of vulnerable young people. It is such a worthwhile cause. I am so freaking excited for this and I can't wait to give you more information. But this is just a way that I can just work more because, at the end of the day, obviously my values are with you know, supporting teachers, because when we support teachers, we're supporting the young people that are in our care and we can make more of an impact. So this is just another layer to that to be able to support the young people and their future.

Speaker 1: 9:11

Really, on the personal side of things this year, I know that if you listen to the podcast, you probably already know this, so if you follow me on Instagram. But I'm moving to New Zealand and we currently live in London and it is a huge move. And before we, like I say, in between the London and New Zealand move, we are travelling for four months and it's very bittersweet. We've called London home for six years now. It was my little one's first home. It's scary, it's intense. There's so much admin. The whole concept of travelling, even for a week with a one year old is very overwhelming. So four months is, you know that, times a million. That is something that we're very excited about.

Speaker 1: 9:54

I will continue to be working on the unteachables while I'm travelling, so I'll still be working pretty much full time. I'll call it like a bit of a working holiday. London is freaking expensive, so we thought that while our stuff is getting shipped back to New Zealand, instead of sitting around with no resources, we would just go and experience a world with our little one before we're stuck in one place for a while. So that's the plan for this year. I don't want to impact the Unteachables Academy. In fact, it's probably the first time I've ever been able to really pour myself into the Unteachables in a big way, like in a full time way, because obviously I've still been a senior leader at a school, I've been a first time mum, I've been writing the book and this is really the first time that I'm able to give the Unteachables Academy my 100% ish attention. So I am just so, so excited for what is to come. Okay, so enough about that.

Speaker 1: 10:50

Onto the meaty part of this podcast the concept that 10 minutes ago I tried to introduce to you, but I've been banging on about 2024. But this is a concept that helped to really shift my perspective on my own classroom management about a decade ago, and it's something that I've returned to time and time again. So I want you to imagine this for a second. This is a demonstration that I saw, of this, of this concept. I want you to imagine that you're standing in front of somebody and that somebody has their fist up and I want you to imagine you place your fist against theirs and you try your absolute hardest to move their fist side to side, as they resist it. It is near impossible.

Speaker 1: 11:29

And now I want you to imagine that defiant, dysregulated and challenging behaviors are that fist and students are pushing against us, fighting against us. They're protecting themselves, they're closed up to connection and if you and they're in the, they're in protection mode. And if you want to hear about protection and connection mode, which is such a great way to think about behaviors that we do see, you can listen to me and the incredible Robin Goebel, who is now a bestselling author of this very topic. We talk about that back in episode 32. And it was such an incredible discussion and go ahead there if you haven't listened to that already. So they're fighting against us when they've got their fist up, they're pushing against us, they're protecting themselves.

Speaker 1: 12:11

And what happens when us, as teachers, use strategies that push against that fist, when we threaten them with punishments, when we yell, when we're sending them out? I want you to imagine us putting our fist up against their fist and pushing back. We can't manipulate their fist or move their fist or shift their fist. If we're putting our fist against theirs, it is near impossible. And if the goal with classroom management is ultimately to shift their behavior, the opposite is going to happen. If we're fist to fist with a student and I really hope you can visualize this in your mind, by the way, and if you do my training, then I do a demonstration of this Instead of being the fist against the fist, which is never going to shift behavior, I want you to imagine that we put our palm instead over that fist.

Speaker 1: 13:02

The palm is an approach to behavior that is more compassionate, more connected, more calm. So in this demonstration, instead of putting a fist against the person opposite you, you put your palm over that fist and even if the person with their fist up is really resisting, they're pushing against you. They're really trying to force themselves to not go with the flow. With your palm over their fist, automatically it becomes very easy to shift it where you want it to go. Now, remember, this does sound a little bit like we're controlling the person who's behavior, but it's not about that. It's about thinking about strategies that are going to work with the behaviors rather than work against it. When we're fist to fist with a student, we are working against what our goal is really. If we want to work with that student, if we want to work with that young person to shift their behaviors, to help them regulate, to help them to deescalate, then putting our palm up is going to be much more effective to help them get to where they need to be.

Speaker 1: 14:05

So what is classroom management? That is being the palm. We know that being the fist is things that are power over, so all of the things that will disconnect with them threatening, blaming, yelling, isolating all of those things. Being the palm is anything that aims to deescalate behavior in the moment rather than escalate it. So think anytime we use choices instead of going head to head in a battle that nobody could possibly win.

Speaker 1: 14:34

Just imagine this, for example you're sitting in your classroom and a student is sitting at their desk and you're giving them instructions and they decide to get their phone out. The student pops their headphones in. They refuse to put either of them away and do their work, so you're standing there, put them away, hand them over. The student's probably going to refuse, or most likely will refuse, depending on who it is. Then what happens? If you're saying put your headphones away, get them away. You're standing there, you're not moving on it. You're going to be gridlocked in that discussion. Metaphorically, you'll be fist to fist.

Speaker 1: 15:07

What being the palm looks like is saying you know, the expectation is that we have our phones away so we can learn. If you can't use it at the appropriate times, I'm going to need you to hand it in every morning before school. I need to go continue teaching the class now, but I'm going to have a look over in two minutes and see what you choose to do. What you're doing in that moment is number one. You don't have to stand there and argue with the student to put it away, because that is not going to help you get back to teaching the class. It's not going to help you get what you need from that student. You're not going head to head with them and you're giving them a choice rather than standing there and making public demands. Public demands are going to escalate things because they're going to feel like they have to put a face on for their peers as well. You don't want it to have to end up like that because nobody's going to win, it's private, nobody loses face.

Speaker 1: 15:58

The rest of the class can then see you dealing with it and handling it, even if that student doesn't hand their phone in, even if the student continues to sit on their phone for the rest of the lesson. You've got a plan. It's fine. The students will know that you're dealing with that. But, most importantly, if you are the palm in this situation, you have a far better chance of that student sitting on their phone for maybe 30 more seconds to save face. I'm not going to immediately do what you've asked me to do, but they might sit there, look like they're doing what they need to be doing, and then you have a better chance of them just quietly putting it away. And if they do or when they do, depending on that student give them a nonverbal acknowledgement, give them a big smile, give them a thumbs up from across the room, maybe even give them a phone call home, depending on who the student is. And that's not to lower the expectations bar at all, but think about how transformative it might be for that student to get a phone call saying we have this huge struggling class. That student would not put their phone away. We really could have ended up in a situation that escalated, but they made a really great choice. They made the right choice. Not only does that support with the relationship with that student, but it also keeps the parents informed, in a way that's still framing it positively, that that student did have their phone out in class. So we're kind of, you know, hitting a win-win on that situation.

Speaker 1: 17:18

Another example might be that a student has come into the class and they're ready for an argument. They're being really provocative, they're just really ready for something, and there are so many reasons that could be the case. But you know the kind of student I'm talking about. They'll come in. They might chuck something on the ground. They might say shut up to you. You know they're really ready for it.

Speaker 1: 17:39

Being the fist looks like demanding. How dare you speak to me like that? You can't speak to me like that. Get your feet off the table, sit quietly and start your work, or I'm calling home. That is the fist. That is putting a fist up against a student who's already got their fist up, looking for a fight, metaphorically speaking or let's hope not. I'm literally speaking, but sometimes it is literally speaking and in that case you don't want to put your fists up back, that's for sure, but being the palm just looks like getting on their level, asking are you okay? I can see you feeling frustrated. Am I right in saying that? What can I do to support you right now? We're in a lesson, so these are the things we need to be doing right now, but are you going to be able to do that this lesson? Are you, are you in the right space for this? Is there something I can do right now?

Speaker 1: 18:22

What this won't do every single time is stop the behavior from happening or resolve the behavior. What it also won't do is resolve things in the long term, like we need to work more with the young person after the event, but that's not the time to do it when they're in the middle of the lesson and they're dysregulated. That's not the time to really resolve what's going on, to get to the bottom of it. It's about stopping it from escalating, and that's exactly what we're doing here. You have got 29 other students to teach in that class. The last thing you want to be doing is spending 15 minutes talking to one student or, you know, putting your fist up against another student when you need to get back to teaching the lesson. So what this will do will stop it from escalating further. It will help you to get back to teaching far quicker.

Speaker 1: 19:05

It connects with the young person. It disarms them a lot because what they're expecting from a teacher when they're coming into the lesson and they're going. I'm not doing anything today F you, I'm going to put my my feet up on the table. I'm going to be causing havoc. It just disarms them. It sends messages that you know what I care about you more than I care about whatever work is in front of you. I care about you more than whatever's happening in this room right now and I just want to see if you're okay. Then you can resolve the behavior and dig more into it at a more appropriate time. But the more appropriate time is never when you're in front of a dysregulated student in the middle of a lesson, when there are 29 students watching on. Always, always, always.

Speaker 1: 19:48

Be the palm is something that I reflect on all of the time when I'm in the middle of a lesson, because it's something that is very easy to say. But when you're in the middle of it, when you're in the thick of it, when somebody is standing in front of you and they're being provocative or they're pushing your buttons or they're being like their behaviors are really frustrating and they're stopping you from teaching. It's very hard. So remember, every single time we approach challenging behavior, we have two choices to either be the fist or be the palm. Being the fist, entering into that head-to-head battle, will never, ever resolve challenging behavior. It will never get the buy-in for students to follow instructions. It widens the gap between these things. But being the palm gives you an opportunity to shift behavior in the moment, to de-escalate the behavior in the moment, and it also helps to look. It works with us to be able to resolve it effectively after, because when we connect first, we give choices. When we speak calmly, we're able to guide rather than demand, and that gains a bunch of respect from our students. But it also helps us to build the relationship that is pivotal in being able to resolve things meaningfully.

Speaker 1: 20:58

So a challenge to you is that when you have a behavior playing on in front of you this year, just stop and think how can I be the palm that guides this behavior, or even reflect? When have I been the palm and when have I been the fist? Nobody is. I hope you can't hear my daughter right now. She's having lunch and she's a very loud. She's a very loud eater. When have I been the palm and when have I been the fist? And reflecting on this is really important because I am sitting here in front of you right now Well, I'm sitting on the podcast, but I am in a position where I'm able to support you with behaviour. But it hasn't always been that way. There have been so many times in my career where I have been the fist rather than the palm, and that is the only reason why I'm able to talk about it today, because I know the impact of both. I know what has happened when I have pushed against the behaviour, when I have used disconnecting and power over strategies, and I know the difference between that and being the palm and working with the young person and de-escalating things and really focusing on making sure there is regulation before anything else. Okay, that's it.

Speaker 1: 22:07

Next episode, I'm going to be talking about what it really takes to shift behaviour and why it takes so friggin long to shift behaviour. And until then, as I said before, head over and join the waitlist, for That'll Teach Him. I cannot wait to welcome you in. I am so excited for this cohort. If you want to check out what the 2023 cohort has said about that'll teach him. You can click on the link to the waitlist and you can read about some of their experiences.

Speaker 1: 22:36

And, of course, if you do like this episode, it would mean the world if you head it over and left a review Again. You can do it while I'm speaking right now. It takes a few seconds. Just click on the five star button if you're feeling lovely, and you can leave me a written review as well. I read all of them. They make my week and it's one of those things that is completely free to do. It takes a little bit of your time, but it means the world to me to be able to get that feedback and to read those things from you, lovely people. Okay, everybody, I hope you have a wonderful week. It is so nice to be back on the podcast. I can't wait for next episode and I will see you then.

The Unteachables Podcast

#45: Are you classroom managing like a fist, or a palm? A game-changing metaphor that will shape the way you approach behaviour in the heat of the moment

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