#58: Do your students take you seriously? How to balance being warm, friendly, and approachable, with holding crucial behaviour boundaries.
Apr 16, 2024Season 4Episode 58
Claire English
Is it possible that being too friendlyis harming your classroom management efforts?
No.
Okay, maybe a little, but not in the way you think.
Does the below resonate?
You feel like you have a really great relationship with your students, but when it is time to get to the business side of things and get some serious work done, the energy is high, they aren’t really listening to you, they might be calling out and having a chit chat during instruction?
Maybe this is leaving you feeling a little disrespected and deflated? After all, you have a fab relationship with them, but they don't seem to be taking you seriously!
Maybe you are feeling that pressure to be more stern and strict but you don't know how to do that in a way that aligns with your values?
PLEASE KNOW FIRST UP... This is NOT because they don't RESPECT you!!
So what is the problem?
That is what I cover in this week's episode:
What is the credible and approachable teaching personas?
How can we craft this into the day to day?
What does it look like in practice?
How this can be a game changer for our teaching practice and classroom management!
Is it possible that being too friendlyis harming your classroom management efforts?
No.
Okay, maybe a little, but not in the way you think.
Does the below resonate?
You feel like you have a really great relationship with your students, but when it is time to get to the business side of things and get some serious work done, the energy is high, they aren’t really listening to you, they might be calling out and having a chit chat during instruction?
Maybe this is leaving you feeling a little disrespected and deflated? After all, you have a fab relationship with them, but they don't seem to be taking you seriously!
Maybe you are feeling that pressure to be more stern and strict but you don't know how to do that in a way that aligns with your values?
PLEASE KNOW FIRST UP... This is NOT because they don't RESPECT you!!
So what is the problem?
That is what I cover in this week's episode:
What is the credible and approachable teaching personas?
How can we craft this into the day to day?
What does it look like in practice?
How this can be a game changer for our teaching practice and classroom management!
Welcome to the Unteachables podcast. I'm Claire English, a passionate secondary teacher and leader, turned teacher, mentor and author, and I'm on a mission to transform classroom management and teacher support in schools. It doesn't feel that long ago that I was completely overwhelmed and out of my depth with behavior, trying to swim rather than sink. It took me spending thousands of hours in the classroom, with all of the inevitable ups and downs, to make me the teacher that I am today Confident, capable and empowered in my ability to teach all students yes, even the ones who are the toughest to reach and now I'm dedicated to supporting teachers like yourself to do the same. I created the Unteachables podcast to give you the simple and actionable classroom management strategies and support that you need to run your room with confidence and calm. So if you're a teacher or one in the making and you're wanting to feel happy and empowered and actually enjoy being in the classroom, whilst also making a massive impact with every single one of your students, then you're definitely in the right place. Let's get started.
Speaker 1:
Hello there, my wonderful Unteachables community. It is so nice to have you back here for another episode, and this episode. If you're tuning in for the first time, you have come at a really good time. This is one of those heavy hitters where, if you listen right now and I'm saying, don't multitask while you're listening to this episode I really want you to give it your full attention. If you do that and you apply it into your practice, you will see an immediate, quick win with behavior, especially low-level behaviors you're seeing in your classroom. If you are new to the podcast, or even if you've been listening for a while, I really do encourage you. If you haven't yet, please go follow or subscribe on the podcast platform that you listen on. The amount of podcasts that I love, I binge, listen to and then a week later I've lost because I haven't, I haven't done that one step. Please go and do that. That just means that every single week, an episode is automatically going to be there in your library. You don't have to go scramble for it, and it is something that I like to keep short and sweet. I like to give you something actionable to take into the week and try to frame it as positively as I can, and you just deserve some free support in your practice. So please go and do that now.
Speaker 1:
Now onto the episode. I want you to reflect for a minute. I know this is going to apply to so many of you because you come and tell me that it's something you're struggling with. So reflect for a minute. Do you feel like you have a really great relationship with your students?
Speaker 1:
But when it's time to get to the business side of things like that pointy end of the lesson and get some serious work done, you might feel like they're not really listening, they're not engaging, they're not really coming on board with what you want them to do. Maybe they're overly excitable, maybe they want to have a chat in the middle of your instruction, maybe they want to have a bit of a laugh. Maybe you're feeling like you're not well respected because of this. Maybe you feel this amount of pressure to be more stern or more strict. Maybe you and yourself know that you aren't confident yet in doing the behavioral boundary side of things. But you have that relationship part nailed down. Sometimes, if you're not able to balance these things, if you are feeling like that, it can leave you really burnt out and really overwhelmed at the end of each lesson, because every lesson can be wonderful, but then it's also mentally stressful. And I am not coming from a place of not understanding you on this.
Speaker 1:
I am talking about this because it's something that I have done in my career and it's something that has had an immense impact on the way that I teach today, so I really wanted to talk to you about this. I want to start by saying that if this is happening in your classroom, if you are finding that students aren't listening, coming on board if they're talking, if they're having a chat, if they're laughing, if they're not, you know, if you're trying to give instruction to all 30 of them and they're not coming on board with that, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't respect you Definitely not. It is likely because you aren't aware of so you're not consciously crafting and balancing your different teaching personas the credible and the approachable, and that's what we're going to be talking about today and this comes from Michael Grinders Envoy. I talk about Envoy quite a lot. I was so flipping, lucky to do Envoy in my second year of teaching and when I did Envoy training, it was like I went back into my classroom the next day and it was like the flick of a switch. It was like everything changed like night and day. It was really that powerful.
Speaker 1:
So, the approachable and the credible there are two styles of non-verbal language. Both of them are pivotal in our teaching practice. We just need to be very mindful and strategic of using them at the right times. Okay, so I will just do a little bit of a deep dive into both of them. The first approach that we can take to classroom management, to our persona, is the credible. The credible should be used when we're giving information, when we want a calm and controlled classroom climate, when we want to be sending messages to our students like I'm your teacher and right now, in this moment, I really need to be taken seriously and you need to be listening to what I'm saying because it is important.
Speaker 1:
When we are in our credible mode, we are standing up straight. We're standing with our weight evenly on both feet. We're not slouching. We're not, you know, moving side to side. We're standing straight and we're standing still. We're speaking with a downwards inflection. We're calm. We're considered in inflection. We're calm. We're considered In our movements. We're slower paced. We're taking our time with things. The way that we're speaking is quieter in volume. There's less high energy behind what we're doing when we're credible, and this is completely contrasted with the approachable.
Speaker 1:
When we're in our approachable mode, we're in a more seeking information mode. We're more relaxed, we're more casual, and that's the climate that we're expecting back from us in our classroom. The kind of messages that we're sending to our students is I'm your teacher, but right now I'm open for a chat, I'm open for a laugh. Our body language is something that models this and our movements are more casual, they're more loose, they're more bubbly, we're more relaxed in general, so we might be slouching, we might have our weight on one foot. Our persona is more energetic. We're speaking with an upwards inflection, we're louder, we're, you know, more high energy. We're quicker pace and more gestural. I am the most gestural person in the world and I had to really stop myself from flailing my limbs around when I'm incredible mode and really consciously drop my shoulders and drop my hands to my waist.
Speaker 1:
The problem isn't you being too friendly. The problem isn't you being too kind or too compassionate. Those values that you have, teacher friends, that EQ, that emotional intelligence they are a superpower. They are the reason that you will be an incredibly impactful educator. It is very hard for teachers who don't have this to quickly develop that If you're in a cycle and you're stuck in shaming and punishing and just looking at the kids in a way that's really begrudging. It's really hard to get out of that. It is possible, but that shift takes a lot of support, a lot of mentorship, a lot of inner work. But I don't think I'm speaking to those teachers on here. I actually think that I'm more likely speaking to the teachers who are aligned with my values and I think that I am speaking to teachers who do lean on the compassionate side, the side that might feel sometimes like you're being too friendly or too kind. If I'm not, then maybe you should be listening to one of the other three million podcasts out there that talk about more punitive punishments. So the problem isn't you being kind and compassionate. That could be a superpower in the classroom. So what is the problem here? The problem is just not being able to switch between those two modes when it matters most, you not being really conscious of this, you not being intentional with this. That is the problem. It's not you as a person, it's not your personality, it's not your. You know your compassion. Of course, that's not the case. It is not. And I think that people get stuck in this mindset of oh well, my colleagues think that I am a weak teacher. They think that people get stuck in this mindset of oh well, my colleagues think that I am a weak teacher. They think that I'm not a firm enough teacher. You can do both, my friend. You really really can. So what I want you to do immediately, while this episode is still fresh in your mind, I want you to take note the next time you walk into your classroom. Take note, become really conscious of how you're holding your body. Get curious, think about whether it's more credible, more approachable. Think about the times you're being more approachable or credible. Then be really intentional in being credible when you need to be credible. Even do it for the whole lesson. Just practice, practice stillness, practice your tone, practice the way that you're holding your body. Practice the way you're're holding your body, practice the way you're speaking and make sure that everything you do is geared towards being more credible and see the impact that that has on the climate of your classroom. I had the top year 10 class in my second year of teaching. That same year I did envoy training. This class were beautiful. I freaking adored them when I was talking to them outside of the classroom space, when I was in a more informal setting, I absolutely adored these students but then actually standing in front of them in the center needing to teach them was a nightmare. I hated this class. When I was in the moment with them, they were the top English class and there's I think it's problematic anyway like labeling in this way but I doubted myself constantly. I felt like a failure. I felt disrespected. Every single lesson my throat would be burning because I'd be standing up the front saying year 10, come on, let's get started, let's do this, let's do that. I was. It was relentless. I was constantly trying to teach over the noise. Then I did Envoy and I first heard about the approachable and the credible. The only change I made with my year 10 class was being intentional with my non-verbals. I was quiet, I was still. I adopted a slower pace, I was standing straight, I was making sure that I wasn't slouching, leaning to one side, because we do this without even realizing. I was regulating my nervous system and I am telling you it was immediately a different class. It was night and day. They even said to me I remember a couple of students Miss, what's wrong? Another one said you look sad, but it just wasn't, because they were just not used to me being credible. They were used to the approachable, bubbly, over-the-top Miss English. They weren't used to me practicing this different persona and it was beyond impactful, which is why I'm such an advocate for this approach. This is what it looks like to live a compassionate approach in the day-to-day. It doesn't look like necessarily restorative discussions. It looks like all the things that we do in the classroom with our teaching presence. So please go and play around with your credible and approachable styles. Let me know how it goes. I am so excited to hear about it. If you do go into your classrooms and practice this, it can feel like I'm talking into a bit of a void on the podcast. Start the conversation with me, come and talk to me about it. What did you notice? What do you notice before you've been going to a classroom? Is anything tweaking this episode and going? Hang on. Yes, I am that credible person. Yes, I do do that. Okay, I can reflect now and I can see what I can possibly try next lesson to start to calm that chaos in the classroom, to start to really, you know, mitigate some of those really challenging low-level behaviors that I'm experiencing. Go, practice, play around, just give it a go, and then you can start to hardwire these two approaches. Remember, they're really important both of them. We need the approachable. We need to develop really strong relationships, a beautiful rapport with our students. Our students need to know that when they have something happening, they can come to us, that we're approachable human beings, that they can speak to us about that. But they really also need a leader in that classroom who can control the space. Remember, it's not about controlling our students. It's about us leading our space and starting to control that climate in a way that is more calm, that's more geared towards us having a more focused lesson. So that is it. I told you I wouldn't take too long going through it and that is going to be really impactful. If you did enjoy this episode and you've gotten value from it I trust you did, because you're still listening right now I really would appreciate it more than you know if you just headed over now, just pause the episode or did it while you all were speaking and go and left me a five-star review. If you go one step further as well and leave me a written review, please take a snapshot of that and send it over to my Instagram or my email, if you don't use Instagram and I will send you a little bit of a present for that. I'm going to send you the link to a fully resourced and editable expectations lesson that you can run with your students immediately. This lesson is awesome and I usually only include it as a part of my That'll Teach them course. So if you think that sounds like a great plan, if you've been meaning to send me a nice review, but you haven't done so yet, this is just a little present to say please do it, because it is your time and I do respect your time, honestly, taking time out to do this. It makes such a huge difference in being able to reach other educators and just getting this message out to as many of you as possible, because I am beyond passionate about you and every teacher having access to information and this support that is going to help you in the classroom. Every single one of you deserves that. Okay, thank you so much. Wonderful teachers, have a fantastic week and I will see you next time on the unteachables podcast.