#59: Struggle with boundaries as a teacher? This one sentence will change absolutely everything about how you see them, and hold them.
Apr 23, 2024Season 4Episode 59
Claire English
Struggle with boundaries as a teacher?
Safe to say you're not alone on that one.
These stats are scary: (NASUWT survey Nov 2023)
87% of teachers say their workload has increased in the past year.
Teachers are working 54 hours a week on average (you just know some are working 40, and some are working 70!!)
83% of teachers believe their job has adversely affected their mental health over the past year
So why don't we just say no more?
Push back?
Say that we simply won't work on the weekend because we have a family, or a date with our bed and UberEats?
Well there's a bunch of complex reasons. It is cultural, it is expected, and there is a bunch of FEAR attached to it! I wish I could tell you that this fear wasn't justified, but even I have my own rotten experience of holding a boundary that was far from well-received (as you will hear in this episode).
But then I heard something that changed me.
It changed the way I saw how I was approaching boundaries.
It helped me be more discerning, critical, and reflective on what I was saying yes to.
It helped me to hold my boundaries, advocate for myself, and do the same for my staff.
THAT is what you will find in this week's episode, teacher friends.
87% of teachers say their workload has increased in the past year.
Teachers are working 54 hours a week on average (you just know some are working 40, and some are working 70!!)
83% of teachers believe their job has adversely affected their mental health over the past year
So why don't we just say no more?
Push back?
Say that we simply won't work on the weekend because we have a family, or a date with our bed and UberEats?
Well there's a bunch of complex reasons. It is cultural, it is expected, and there is a bunch of FEAR attached to it! I wish I could tell you that this fear wasn't justified, but even I have my own rotten experience of holding a boundary that was far from well-received (as you will hear in this episode).
But then I heard something that changed me.
It changed the way I saw how I was approaching boundaries.
It helped me be more discerning, critical, and reflective on what I was saying yes to.
It helped me to hold my boundaries, advocate for myself, and do the same for my staff.
THAT is what you will find in this week's episode, teacher friends.
Welcome to the Unteachables podcast. I'm Claire English, a passionate secondary teacher and leader, turned teacher, mentor and author, and I'm on a mission to transform classroom management and teacher support in schools. It doesn't feel that long ago that I was completely overwhelmed and out of my depth with behavior, trying to swim rather than sink. It took me spending thousands of hours in the classroom, with all of the inevitable ups and downs, to make me the teacher that I am today Confident, capable and empowered in my ability to teach all students yes, even the ones who are the toughest to reach and now I'm dedicated to supporting teachers like yourself to do the same. I created the Unteachables podcast to give you the simple and actionable classroom management strategies and support that you need to run your room with confidence and calm. So if you're a teacher or one in the making, and you're wanting to feel happy and empowered and actually enjoy being in the classroom, whilst also making a massive impact with every single one of your students, then you're definitely in the right place. Let's get started. Hello, wonderful teachers, welcome back to another episode of the Unteachables podcast. What's brought you here today? There are so many podcasts you could be listening to, but whether you're driving to work, driving home from work, getting ready for work, whatever you're doing right now, you have chosen to spend your time listening to a teaching podcast, which is pretty amazing. Well done to you, props to you, because there are so many true crime podcasts you could be listening to whatever else takes your fancy, but you have chosen to spend time learning and improving your practice and that is flipping amazing, especially given the content of today's episodes.
Speaker 1:
If I said what do you think teachers are struggling with most right now, what would you say? I could say classroom management as one thing. That's the thing that I focus on a lot. I talk about classroom management a lot. And there's one other thing that I talk about a lot that feeds into how challenging a classroom management can be, and it's burnout, it's overwhelm, it's workload. I think that those are the things that teachers are struggling with immensely at the moment. I'm really cautious about giving certain statistics around this stuff because I've got a global audience. You are all from different parts of the world, but I did want to highlight a particular study of about 12,000 teachers in the UK. It was from October to November last year. It is the NASUWT that's a bit of a mouthful Teacher Union Survey so it was in the UK and from that survey it was found that nine in 10 teachers say their workload has increased over the last year. Again, 80% of teachers believe their job has adversely affected their mental health over the last year, and it was found that, on average, teachers are working 54 hours a week, which, if you think about an average. There are some teachers that are then going to be just doing 40 hours a week like their normal load, but then there are going to be teachers who are doing 70 hours a week. I did see a statistic that said the teachers were working 70 hours a week to get the job done. These are pretty stark statistics. If you ask me, the fact that 80% of teachers believe their job has been affecting their mental health in an adverse way like that is really quite scary. So these may not be a direct reflection on your context, but I think it's safe to say that it's pretty similar to where you are, because I work with teachers globally. I work with teachers really closely in, whether it's my courses or on Instagram, whatever it might be.
Speaker 1:
Why, why don't we push back? Why don't we say no? Why don't we just say I can't work this weekend. I have a family, I have friends, I have a date with my bed and Uber Eats. Well, I think a big part of it is fear, and I would love to say this fear is unfounded. I would love to say that it's just us being people pleasers and us being raised as people pleasers. I would love to say that it's not something that is real, but just us feeling like we can't do something. But it is like the fear is founded because of the leadership that we have in some schools, because of the experiences that we've had from people Like I used to be a huge yes girl.
Speaker 1:
I would say yes to everything talking about people pleasing. I was on every team in a school when I first started. I would work every evening, before and after dinner. I'd work on weekends, I'd work through the holidays, like that was a given. You just did that. What you did was work on the weekend. What you did was work during the holidays. It wasn't even a question about it.
Speaker 1:
But then my head teacher at the time, my principal at the time, asked me to do something that was huge, with no time allowance, with no extra money. So I said no. I said no respectfully, and that was the catalyst for years of being bullied, years of being overlooked for opportunities and eventually I was just forced to leave because I knew there was no coming back from that one. No, I'd pushed back on something that I didn't feel served me at the time, I didn't feel was fair, I didn't feel and I think the way that I said no was I really truly just want to focus on my classroom practice. At that point in time I'd been in a head of department role, I'd done that for a couple of years and I just wanted to head back into the classroom full time to hone my craft, to hone my practice, and I was really excited for that. So that's the reason I said no to that opportunity.
Speaker 1:
So, after years of working my butt off in the classroom in multiple different leadership positions, I was out on my butt and it was so traumatizing that when I went into my next job, I again felt like I had to protect myself with the yes. If I say yes, if I have no boundaries, if I just prove my worth through giving, giving, giving, then I'll be okay. But then I heard something that changed me. It changed the way that I saw how I was approaching boundaries and it gave me the confidence to be sure that I was more discerning, I was more critical, I was more reflective on what I was saying yes to and how I was having these conversations around workload, how I was showing up for my family, myself and my own staff. What was was what. The one thing was that changed everything. For me was something really simple. It was every single yes to one thing is a no to another.
Speaker 1:
So if I say yes right now to this additional responsibility, what will that no be? Because there is always going to be one. Sometimes it's not a big no, sometimes it is a big no. Will that no be catching up with a student at lunchtime to have a really important discussion around their behavior that could positively impact that next lesson, because I'm busy doing the other thing that I said yes to? Will it be a no to something else on that list that I actually could knock off that list because the yes that I'm saying is more important, so sometimes it's a good swap. Will it be a no to having a really calm lesson because they've decided that they're going to combine your class with another because of the teacher shortage? Will it be a no to you having a quiet coffee. If you say yes to this other thing, which again, is really important for our mental health, will it be no to leaving work at 4pm and going on that walk that you want to go on with a friend? Will it be no to sitting down with your child after work and playing Lego with them?
Speaker 1:
Every single yes to something that takes our time is a no to something else that was going to fill. That takes our time is a no to something else that was going to fill that time. A series of yeses like they really make up our entire lives and that's a big, bloody responsibility. And the second I started thinking about it that way. It was eyeopening. It felt like I had a really big responsibility then to shape the life that I wanted. It's almost like it put me back in control of my life and realizing, actually, boundaries aren't us just saying no to things.
Speaker 1:
Boundaries are the things that we want to say yes to more and making sure that we're saying yes to the right things. Only we can hold those boundaries, only we can decide what's important for that time. Are there things that we just need to do at work? Of course there are, but if you are getting unreasonable requests or you're being given unreasonable deadlines. If you're falling into the trap of being that and I know you know what I'm talking about here If you are falling into the trap of being that go-to person for every single little extra thing because you are a fantastic and effective worker and they know that you'll say yes. If this is just another initiative being handed out and you feel like it'd be at the detriment of other things, then just get good at asking questions.
Speaker 1:
This is not about being a challenging teacher. This is not about being a challenging staff member. This is not about being somebody that is always saying no to things and whipping things up. What it is is about just getting good at asking the questions and being a bit more discerning about things. So how to hold these boundaries? I get really good at saying things like this One. Could we please just discuss this role further? I need to have a better understanding around the time commitment, because I know that if I add anything to my plate right now, something else will inevitably need to come off it. If you say that one sentence, if you just get good at saying something like that, that communicates so many things to the people that you are saying it to.
Speaker 1:
It says that you have integrity and you truly want to do a good job at things. You don't want to spread yourself so thinly that you can't do the job that you want to do. It says that you will have to sacrifice something else for the role. It says that you are not going to kill yourself working 24-7 to get the job done, because it is a job and you need the time to do it. Another thing you can say this deadline is very unrealistic for me and what my faculty currently have going on. Are we able to discuss this further and come up with a solution? You're not saying I'm not doing this. This is ridiculous. See you later. I'm getting in my car and I'm driving home.
Speaker 1:
You're saying as a professional, I want to be able to do the best job that I can. However, what deadline has been set? I don't think you understand the work that goes into what you're asking me to do, because sometimes leaders generally don't understand the work that goes into it, the work that goes into something that is going to be a really quality product for what they're asking what that looks like in practice. So making sure they understand like what the work is that you're requiring me to do right now is going to take a hell of a lot longer to implement to do than the timeframe that you've given me. How about we discuss this and come up with a solution? How about we come up with an action plan together? How about we look at the calendar and see what might be better fit for this particular thing you're asking me to do?
Speaker 1:
You can say I'm currently able to stay until 5pm at the latest. At the moment, these times are just being fed up with meetings and professional development. Is there any wiggle room so I'm just able to get this task done? Again, what you're saying is I am giving everything that I can. I am staying as late as I'm willing to stay right now. You don't need to justify what you're doing after work. However, even if I'm staying until five, I'm getting here at eight, I'm getting here at seven, seven, 38, I'm leaving at five o'clock and even with the time that I'm spending at work, I am not able to get this stuff done. So please allow me some wiggle room. I can skip a meeting, I can do whatever I need to do, because if that thing is really important, then you'll allow me the time to do it. So that's another strategy that I've used before, and just one last one, just so I'm able to best tackle this.
Speaker 1:
Does this task here take priority over this task here, because I would only be able to give my full attention to one of them due to the time I have? So again, this is reminding the person who is tasking you with these things that you aren't just in the classroom teaching. You have been given multiple tasks. Sometimes leaders and I'm going to give everybody the benefit of the doubt here sometimes leaders are across so many things in a school that they aren't sure what you are doing. They're not sure about what every single individual person is doing.
Speaker 1:
Saying things like this just reminds them that you have got these things on that will take a lot of energy, that will take a lot of time and that are also crucial parts to the puzzle of the whole school community. So reminding them of this is really important. It's in the forefront of their minds. Then, and again, it puts the onus back on both of you to sit down and talk about it and say, okay, is this something that we can do? Is something needing to be dropped here?
Speaker 1:
Again, this is not about being a difficult staff member. It's about having open and honest discussions with your staff and your leaders around priorities, around time, around deadlines and what the important things are, because if we keep saying yes to work and no to ourselves, there will come a time that we will be gone anyway, that our leaders are going to lose us. Does this make it less scary? No, it doesn't make it less scary for some of us, but I want you to remember as well that you cannot control how somebody responds to your boundaries, and I am telling you now, if they respond in the same way that my old principal did, they aren't the boss that you want to be working for. Again, I know that's so much easier said than done, but I do hope that this was helpful in reframing things in your mind and giving you the confidence not to push back in a way that is unprofessional, but to allow you to have that really important dialogue with the people who are expecting things from you and really just opening up that discussion, because what we're not going to do is we're not going to get anywhere if we've got the conflict.
Speaker 1:
What we need is to be able to have open and honest discussions about this stuff, and when we start to do this as a collective, this is when things are going to change. It is so hard when it's just one of us up against it, but the alternative is that we just keep not having our boundaries and not having our needs met and then eventually burning and leaving the profession. Okay, in saying that as well, by the way, this is not me blaming you as a teacher for the situation that you're in. This is us just trying to be empowered to make some changes that we deserve for ourselves. I know for a fact that some teachers just choose to leave the profession because that is easier, that's better for them, that's something that's going to be better for their mental health, and I am so for that.
Speaker 1:
Teachers, if you need to do that for yourself, please do. Leaders, you need to make sure that you're having these discussions with your staff, making sure that you know exactly what is happening with them, taking the temperature, seeing what they've got on their plates. I think we all need to be in this together. Okay, teacher, friends, honestly, I am sending you the best I truly am. You are not alone. You might not be able to see it, but this unteachables community is huge and it is full of teachers exactly like us. So please go into the week and remember I am not saying no to that deadline, that additional responsibility, that unfair expectation. I'm actually saying yes to my family, I'm saying yes to my mental health. I am saying yes to myself. Okay, I will see you next week. Take care everybody.