Tell me if this sounds familiar, teacher friend...
You have struggled to get through even a minute of teacher-led instruction because of one student who is cutting you off at every turn.
It has a knock on effect, causing other students to become disengaged and dysregulated. You become increasingly frustrated, you address him, and you get a very loud response...
“Why are you talking to ME?!”
“Other students are talking too!”
“Go talk to them!”
When students struggle to take accountability for the behaviours that you see happen in front of your very eyes it can be incredibly frustrating . BECAUSE it is so frustrating, it can be even harder to stay calm and regulated, which we know is crucial when it comes to addressing these behaviours effectively.
That's why in this episode you will find some steps that will guide you through the process, and some clear prompts that you can use to take all the guess work out of it.
Tell me if this sounds familiar, teacher friend...
You have struggled to get through even a minute of teacher-led instruction because of one student who is cutting you off at every turn.
It has a knock on effect, causing other students to become disengaged and dysregulated. You become increasingly frustrated, you address him, and you get a very loud response...
“Why are you talking to ME?!”
“Other students are talking too!”
“Go talk to them!”
When students struggle to take accountability for the behaviours that you see happen in front of your very eyes it can be incredibly frustrating . BECAUSE it is so frustrating, it can be even harder to stay calm and regulated, which we know is crucial when it comes to addressing these behaviours effectively.
That's why in this episode you will find some steps that will guide you through the process, and some clear prompts that you can use to take all the guess work out of it.
Welcome to the Unteachables podcast. I'm Claire English, a passionate secondary teacher and leader, turned teacher, mentor and author, and I'm on a mission to transform classroom management and teacher support in schools. It doesn't feel that long ago that I was completely overwhelmed and out of my depth with behavior, trying to swim rather than sink. It took me spending thousands of hours in the classroom, with all of the inevitable ups and downs, to make me the teacher that I am today Confident, capable and empowered in my ability to teach all students yes, even the ones who are the toughest to reach and now I'm dedicated to supporting teachers like yourself to do the same. I created the Unteachables podcast to give you the simple and actionable classroom management strategies and support that you need to run your room with confidence and calm. So if you're a teacher or one in the making and you're wanting to feel happy and empowered and actually enjoy being in the classroom, whilst also making a massive impact with every single one of your students, then you're definitely in the right place. Let's get started. Hello, my wonderful the Unteachables community. It is so nice to be back here for another episode, and today is something that I've been kind of quietly working on in the background for a while, because it is something that is a very common frustration for teachers. It is something that I get asked about a lot and without the right strategy around it, it can be very easy for this particular thing to get us completely dysregulated ourselves because it is so frustrating and it is so triggering sometimes. And what it is is when we're in the middle of a lesson. Just say we have struggled to get through every second of teacher-led instruction because there is a student who might be cutting you off at every turn, talking over you. Just say this has a knock-on effect. Other students start to become disengaged and dysregulated. You're becoming increasingly frustrated. Just say you finally address this student in the middle of the lesson and you get a very loud response from them saying why are you talking to me about this? Go and talk to the other students. Jeff's doing that as well. Look at what so-and-so's doing. So you're in that moment and you are addressing a student about their behaviors when you can see that that is happening right in front of your eyes. But then there is blame, there is pushback, there is a lack of accountability there. There is well, why are you talking to me? Because everyone else in the class is talking as well.
Speaker 1:
It is a very hard thing for us to address and, as I said before, it's because it can be so triggering for us. We're like no, I can see what you're doing. I'm standing at the front, I am the teacher. I know for a fact that right now, looking around at the classroom, you are the student who is dysregulated, who is bringing everybody on board, who is the biggest barrier right now for us proceeding with a really calm lesson. So what do you do about it? Because you want that student to have buy-in, you want that student to be on board with the lesson. If you don't have that student on board, if you don't really tread carefully with what you say in this moment, it can go from zero to a hundred, because this student is already offside. Really, if they're already going in with the defense, if they're already pushing back on you, what you say next is going to be the make or break between them exploding, them running out of the room, them increasing their fight, flight or freeze behaviors and then stopping you from getting back to the lesson. The whole point of what we do in the lesson when it comes to behavior is not to necessarily resolve everything in the moment. So you can take a big sigh of relief around that. It is about being able to de-escalate the behaviors that are happening in the classroom. So what to do? Because it's about buy-in.
Speaker 1:
When responding to the initial behavior challenges, you need to say something that is going to be connecting, not disconnecting. You need to say something that is going to be connecting, not disconnecting. You need to say something about that student to that student that is going to put you in the best position to get them on side, to get that buy-in. So things like are you okay? Before you even say anything to them about their behavior, just try to connect with them If you know that they're going to go to that place of blame. Is there anything I can help you with right now? How can we get you back on track. What do you think is important for you to do right now, in this moment?
Speaker 1:
So we're saying things that are naturally going to be regulating with that student, naturally going to be connecting with that student, and that are sending the messages to that young person that, whatever their behaviour is right now, I know that it's challenging, but I want you to come on board right now. I know that it's challenging, but I want you to come on board right now, and I am here to support you. So it really is laying the foundation of that, rather than us going in gung-ho. We are not going to get anywhere if we are locking horns with that student, if they are already in that space. So just say you do that and you connect with them and you get. You try your very best to get that buy-in and then they push back oh, me, it's like that, that student's doing it as well. Or why are you only picking on me? Or whatever they might say, if they completely refuse to take any kind of accountability for what they're doing?
Speaker 1:
You can say things like you know, james, why do you think I'm speaking to you first and not them? Right now? Why do you think I am choosing to speak to you first? Why have I come to speak to you? You can say to a student like whose behaviors are you responsible for? Are you responsible for Jenny's behaviors over there? No, oh, okay, so we're responsible for our own behaviors. So I can't talk to you about Jenny's behaviors. I can only talk to Jenny about her behaviors. So right now, what do I need you to do? What do you need to do right now in this lesson? What is your job right now and what is my job right now?
Speaker 1:
If, for some reason, this doesn't work, if that student is still pushing back and getting more dysregulated and getting more difficult to support in that moment and things are completely spiraling out of control, you can take that discussion out of the moment. The worst thing you can do is stand there and really just lock horns with them and just go gung-ho with it. Take the discussion out of the moment so to do that in a way that makes sure you are de-escalating it and walking away and nobody feels like they have won or lost the argument. It's not an argument, it's not something that we need to win or lose. So to make sure that we feel really good about walking away from that situation, we need to make a plan for the discussion afterwards.
Speaker 1:
We need to take the discussion out of the moment in a really strategic way so you can say to that student James, I'm going to go teach the rest of the lesson now. You can see that everybody's waiting. I can see you need a bit of space as well and I think we could both use a bit of time. I'm going to talk about this with you when we're done, because this is still really, really important for me to talk to you about. Or you can say okay, I can see this discussion we're having right now isn't going to need a whole lot more time than what we have right now in the middle of the lesson, because we've got this lesson to continue on with. So I'm going to continue going and doing what I need to do. I'm going to continue going and doing what I need to do, but I really am going to look forward to speaking to you after, because I think it's really important that we sit and have this discussion.
Speaker 1:
So you've set that plan. You've made the plan to talk to them after the lesson. How do you approach them when starting the conversation? Again, going back to what it was like at the start of the lesson when they were displaying those behaviors, you're not going to get anywhere if we go in and we are wanting to lock horns with them. So you can say something like that was a really difficult lesson.
Speaker 1:
James, can you explain why that might be? Can you give me some insights? What was going on for you at the time? What were you feeling at the time? What were you thinking at the time? Did something happen that I'm not aware of? You can just say are you all right? Like, I just wanted to check in with you first because, no matter what happened in that room, no matter what behaviours were happening, no matter how challenging that was for your learning, I wanted to make sure that you were okay first, because that's the most important thing. So once you feel like you have laid that groundwork, you've connected, rather than just gone in to want to speak about the behavior, to want to be you know, getting them to admit what they've done wrong and take accountability. Connect with them first and that will really go a long way to getting that buy-in when you are then unpacking the behavior with them. This is so important because obviously, in the moment, they weren't willing to take accountability for what they were doing. They were pushing blame out. That's not going to help anybody. It's not going to help the student, it's not going to help the class in the next lesson, because they're going to fall back on that default. So you can say things like what was happening in the moment, was it helpful, was it unhelpful to who?
Speaker 1:
If you were up the front and you're watching the lesson from where I was standing. What kinds of things do you think that I was seeing? If they can't express that to you, if they're not sure what to say, you can say can I make a suggestion here? Can I explain to you what I saw, can I explain from my perspective what I saw and you can tell me if that sounds about right or not. And to stay very factual, keep the emotion out of it. That is what's going to be really powerful, with them taking accountability, and you can say things like when I have you and other students calling out, why might that be challenging during the lesson? So you can bring other students into it? You can say like I have spoken to this other student or I will be speaking to this other student. Why do you think, as a collective, that is really challenging for us to, you know, to have in the lesson.
Speaker 1:
If they have taken accountability, fabulous, brilliant, if they get to a point where they're able to say you know what? Yeah, you're right, I was calling out. Yeah, you know, you're right, that was challenging. Whatever it is and remember it's going to be different from student to student I want your real expectations to be realistic. One student might be able to verbalize things in a way that is really eloquent, really reflective, really well thought out. Other students might not have the skills to do that. So please make sure your expectations match what your students are able to do in that moment. You know your students. You know what to expect from them.
Speaker 1:
So if a student who has been really struggling to take accountability, you can see on their face and they've said a couple of things, you're like, actually I know that this student gets this, I know this is sinking in right now, you can communicate that back to them. James, I can really see right now that something shifted in you. I can see that you're different than you were before. I can see that you're maybe understanding a little bit more what the problem was here, what the challenge was here. When they have acknowledged that there was a challenge, when we're able to acknowledge there was something that needed to shift in the lesson, something that wasn't working, what is really important is to make a plan and resolve the behavior. What is going to be different next time? It's not good enough for us just to say you know what this behavior was challenging and you admitted it now, so great, move on with the day. What is that going to do to actually shift the behavior for next time? What is that going to help when it comes to that student being in that lesson doing the exact same thing the next time when they've, when they're experiencing the same, doing the exact same thing the next time when they're experiencing the same feelings, when they're experiencing the same context, whatever it is, that was a struggle for them and led to those behaviors, those dysregulated behaviors. We need to try to get to the bottom of in some way to resolve them and then, so we can make a plan to move on, you can say to the student next time this happens, what could we do? What could we do differently?
Speaker 1:
The next time you come in and you're feeling overwhelmed, the next time you come in from lunch and you've just had a fight with a friend or whatever the situation was for that young person, what happens if you come into the lesson and you feel you're not sure why, but you just feel like you're not coping with whatever is happening in the lesson. You're really struggling. What can you do? What can I help you with? What struggling? What can you do? What can I help you with? What do you think might be best for you in that moment? Is it going and getting a drink with a staff member or going to the bubblers outside? Is it I don't know having something that you can scribble on to really try to focus your energies in that way, like what is going to be helpful for you? What can you say to me that is going to communicate to me that you're struggling?
Speaker 1:
If they're not able to say anything, if they're not able to identify anything again, you know your students. You can say to them may I offer a solution, may I offer a suggestion to you about what we could do next time. Maybe the next time you're feeling like this, you could say to me Miss English, I'm having one of those lessons again. Like I'm just letting you know that as I'm walking in the lesson, like I'm feeling a little bit off, so you can offer a suggestion to them as well. So, just recapping, in the moment you've got a student there.
Speaker 1:
Their behaviors are really big, they're derailing the lesson. It's really hard to manage them in that moment when initially responding to them approach them. Are you okay? Is there anything I can help you with right now to get you back on track? What do you think, is your job right now in this lesson? What is important for you to be doing right now? Connecting with them and redirecting them to what you're doing in the lesson.
Speaker 1:
If you get the pushback, if you get the blame, if you get the, you're picking on me. What about the other students? Everybody else is talking. Say, why do you think, james, I'm speaking to you first and not them? Like, maybe it's because there's only one of you and four of them? I guess maybe just a logistical thing. Maybe it is that the behaviors that you're seeing in this student are, you know, much more dysregulated than the other students. You can say whose behaviors are you responsible for? Are you responsible for your behaviours right now, or are you responsible for the behaviours of everybody else in the classroom when that doesn't work?
Speaker 1:
If you're really struggling to get that student on board, if they're still pushing out blame, you can, instead of locking horns with them, you can just say to them you know what, james, I'm going to go teach the rest of the lesson now. I can see that you need a bit of space. I'm going to talk to you about this when we are done. Or you can say I can see this discussion is going to need a bit more time than what we have right now. It is the middle of the lesson, so I'm going to go keep teaching and I'm going to speak to you after. I really do look forward to speaking to you, though I know there's something going on and it's really important for me that we sit down and have a chat about it.
Speaker 1:
When you get to the end of the lesson, when you get to talking to them after start the conversation again by checking in and gaining that buy-in, you can say to them do you feel picked on during my lessons? I'm really sorry if that's the case. I'd love to hear you out a little bit more so we can understand each other better. You can say are you okay? That was a really difficult lesson. Can you explain what was going on for you? What were you feeling at the time? What were you thinking at the time?
Speaker 1:
When you're unpacking the behavior then and trying to raise the accountability, the kind of things you might say those behaviors, what were they? Were they unhelpful, were they helpful to who? And you know, when I have you and other students who are calling out, why might that be challenging for me as the teacher, for you as the student, for your peers, really unpacking what the impact of that is and not assuming that they know what that is from the get-go. And then, once you've gotten to the point where they're able to take accountability for their behaviors and that process might take quite long you can then go on to making a plan and resolving the behavior for next time, because we know that that is so important. So what might we do next time this happens, the next time you're feeling like this, the next time something like this happens, what can you do? What can you signal to me? What might be a strategy to help you manage in that session better, in that lesson better? If they can't come up with anything, may I also offer a suggestion? Okay, I hope that made sense.
Speaker 1:
What I've done for you, because this is a very important part of pedagogy when it comes to classroom management having the right language around approaching challenging behaviors. I have created a guide of prompts 71 behavior response prompts that will help you to feel more confident and calm, having those really tough conversations, those really crucial conversations. They are extensive, so they go through those steps we went through in this podcast episode. So the before, the during, the after all the rest of it. It's broken up in that way.
Speaker 1:
There are plenty of them for you to use, and the way that I encourage you to use it is to choose a couple that really resonate with you and then just practice them and hardwire them. You can share it with your colleagues, you can share it with your staff, share it with a teacher friend who you think might need this as well. I'm more than happy for you to do that. But if you go to the-unteachablescom forward slash prompt or there's also an episode link in the episode description you can download that there. I really do hope it's helpful. This is something that is so difficult for us to manage because again, it really taps into something in our brains with our own regulation when we are face-to-face with a student who we saw these behaviors happening with and we are trying our best to resolve that so we can move on with the lesson, and then we get stonewalled with well, I wasn't doing anything. So it's really frustrating, but I really do hope that helps and I hope this episode has helped and until next time, teacher friends, have a wonderful week.