Level Up: Trusting God on Every Level

When life threw her curveballs, Carla Hope Barnum, known to all as Hope, caught each one with an incredible display of faith and resilience. In our latest episode, we capture Hope's heartwarming journey through the trials of nursing school and the tumultuous landscape of healthcare during the COVID-19 crisis. As a mother and a nurse, she's lived the front lines of compassion in action, offering us a glimpse into a world where professional challenges and personal convictions collide—reminding us that even amidst chaos, growth and fulfillment are always within reach.

The path to steadfast belief is often paved with struggle, and Hope's narrative is no exception. From the sting of legal battles to the weight of health scares, she shares how these experiences carved out a deeper, more profound trust in a higher power. Whether it's standing firm in her convictions during a routine medical appointment or wrestling with financial unrest, Hope's testament to the power of faith offers a profound perspective on the transformative impact of personal testimony. Her stories, rich with emotion and authenticity, challenge us to see the divine hand at work in our own lives.

As we wrap up this episode, we reflect on what it truly means to be guided by grace. Hope unveils the moments of divine protection that have marked her journey, how rejecting ill-fitting labels led her toward an identity rooted in spiritual conviction, and the joy in impacting others' lives through her service. With anecdotes that will make you chuckle and insights that will move you, Hope's candid sharing is a timely reminder that grace abounds, protection is present, and our journey through life's maze is never without purpose.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:39

Welcome back, dear listeners, to another electrifying chapter of Experiencing Amazing Transformation podcast. We're thrilled to have you join us as we embark on a brand new adventure through the realms of personal growth, extraordinary stories and profound insight. Get ready to be captivated by the extraordinary journeys of individuals who have undergone remarkable transformations, defying odds and pushing the boundaries of what's possible. So buckle up and prepare to be inspired as we delve into exhilarating world of self-discovery and witness the power of change unfold before our very eyes. So welcome back to experiencing amazing transformations, where the extraordinary becomes reality. Reality.

Speaker 1: 1:50

Carla Hope Barnum and I call her Hope, because God literally changed her name to Hope, because this world needs hope. Join me as she talks about her powerful journey as a woman walking with God in his authority. She shares her profound experience of faith and surrendering to God. She shares her profound experience of faith and surrendering to God. So join me as Hope inspires us with her unwavering love for God, showing us that through yielding, you're surrendering your life over to God. No matter what the circumstances may look like or the situation may be, god is still amazing. So, please, please, sit and enjoy her profound wisdom and insight as she shows her love for our God Almighty, tell us a little bit about yourself and how you started your journey.

Speaker 2: 2:42

So, carla Hope Barham, after I got saved everyone and I now agree like I'm going to go with hope, because the world needs hope and it needs someone that will actually listen and someone that cares. You know when someone's being fake or when someone's being real.

Speaker 1: 2:59

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:59

So I love being a nurse and I see now the process. I'm feisty and I know God loves feisty. So the journey with the nursing school and I wish it would have been a little different. But I'm not in control of it, which I also understand now. It was tough at first, being after graduating nursing school and getting through that dang test. I don't do tests well. It's a whole different thing. The anxiety level is just out of this world. But getting into it, thinking that I was doing everything and I am over the top where I want to have certain things done, Knowing also that also comes from how my parents raised us, where if you're going to do something you're going to do it right, it's going to be to the best of your ability. No halfway jobs, that's the cleanest way.

Speaker 1: 3:44

Thank you, Jesus, on that one yes.

Speaker 2: 3:50

See, I know, you know what I want to say and I'm like, oh, I told you, jesus pleased me with my mouth, so I'm trying to be in that sanctified mode.

Speaker 1: 3:59

Well, we know, we know we know.

Speaker 2: 4:06

So just having everything. And also I understand why moms make the best nurses, because they're already used to multitasking. You have to. I didn't have kids so it was harder but I did it. But going back and charting as I go, I can get more done and I got so much. What they want you to do is just mind boggling and then if you know that something's going wrong with somebody, then you have to prove and you have to know what you're talking about with the doctors. So having all of that, doing all of this like I'm telling you I called, nurses are God's angels.

Speaker 1: 4:41

Yes, I agree A thousand percent Like.

Speaker 2: 4:46

You have to know what you're talking about. You have to know what you're doing because if you mess up they could cost a lot of problems. So I loved it. And the charge nurses if you don't have a good charge nurse, honey, you just you lost. Brittany Edwards is my mom, as I call them. My mom is, and even though she was younger than I am, the girl is fabulous. You got codes going on and she's just like, calmly, talking to you, like this, getting everything done. I mean it's like she's octopus hands all over, she's doing everything, just calm, and you have to have that like the girl. Oh, she's amazing.

Speaker 2: 5:19

The hardest time that I had was with the patients that had cancer or the patients that I couldn't get too fast enough that you could tell were in a lot of pain, and I remember getting really angry at God about all of that and I didn't understand, like the ones that you know that were not that bad off, that ran you into the ground. And then you have the sweetest people where you wanted to give your heart to and you couldn't get to them and it was so, so hard but still giving it everything you had and seeing how beautifully he works everything together is another thing that rocks my socks off. But everything happens for a reason. And then you see, knowing all of that, and then after studying the Bible, you look at the impact that Jesus had. Look at what he went through. Everything that I went through with COVID was something that just rocked everyone's world. It rocked the entire universe here.

Speaker 2: 6:10

But during that time I was a new mom. I had no idea what was going on. I love my unit over there at Willis-Knighton Rehab and we had strokes and spinal cord patients. A lot of them did not communicate. You had to use other ways of speaking, like the brain injury. Some of them did not communicate. You had to use other ways of speaking. Some like the brain injury. Some of them would just be able to say yes or yes, or if someone couldn't even talk.

Speaker 2: 6:33

So it's like you're literally figuring everything out, making sure that you're meeting their needs and then going home to an infant and trying to waking up at four, 30 in the morning, breast pumping and girl, I made mom cut them out. Didn't all look like I'm trying to get ready, pump, get him ready, take him to daycare. Doing all of this I broke straight up, broke and the strain then went into the relationship with his father and I. And then that's COVID. That's whenever, all of that, and I know why. Now it says in there I did not know this before not to go to court. It's ugly, it gets real ugly and real mean.

Speaker 1: 7:10

It does.

Speaker 2: 7:11

And it breaks you, like to a whole nother level. So whenever you're finally done with that and you feel empty and broke and you have no idea, it's like you wake up in a haze and you don't know where to go. That's whenever God got me and I remember I was laying on my sofa crying my head off. I couldn't make sense of anything. It was like I was in a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from and I woke up saying God is love. And I know nobody was there, it was just me. He saved me at that moment and then I remember telling him I was like God, I can't go. I mean, you know, I don't know the process. Yeah, yeah, I was raised in a very strict Southern Baptist home. I knew God and my parents told me it was time to get baptized, but I wasn't. Truly, I didn't understand it.

Speaker 1: 7:58

The relationship wasn't there.

Speaker 2: 8:00

I didn't understand just how stupid I was being. And it was just he woke, that's the real definition of woke.

Speaker 1: 8:08

That's the only thing I can say.

Speaker 2: 8:10

Yes, he just didn't it's not like a gentle hey, well, he was yeah, but once you get it it's like girl, you better wake up, yeah. So that moment everything changed, and I know that I was bitter because I did want to go to work. But now it was different, because my son's father is a physician and we can't work at the same hospital, which didn't make any sense, because you aren't married anymore. Well, we weren't married to begin with. Yes, I know it was out of God's will. I already know the girl's whole story.

Speaker 1: 8:41

So you still can't work at the same hospital.

Speaker 2: 8:45

This is what I was told, okay, which actually is really weird, because you're not supposed to have a relationship with a patient, but hey, whatever, when you look at it on a worldly level, there's a whole bunch of jacked up stuff there, but whenever you look at it on God's level, it's all part of God's plan.

Speaker 1: 9:02

You're right, see. You got to separate the two. Whenever you look at it on God's, level.

Speaker 2: 9:04

It's all part of God's plan. You're right, that's it. You got to separate. You got to separate the two Because I was angry and I was real bitter. Some of that bitterness tried to come back up today and I was like, if I need to go cannonball into some water again, and I was into uh-uh, you got to shake it off, Good. Because, I got to look at it His, his, he, his story. That's right, because all of it is going to come together, and it's not by our love, because our love fails.

Speaker 2: 9:31

His love never fails. His love is pure. That's why 1 Corinthians 13, love. His love is patient, his love is kind.

Speaker 2: 9:39

Yes, it is, I mean it's, it's so beautiful where it just it will literally make you cry. So ever since then I told him I was like's oh, it just it's so beautiful where it just it will literally make you cry. So ever since then I told him I was like God, I don't know if you're trying to take me, but I can't go yet. I got to bring my family, so I don't know if that was a bad thing. I mean, I didn't like I said, I didn't know how it worked and it seemed like I was like I'm in a movie almost, because everything that I say other people are saying and I'm saying it in the privacy of my own home. I don't understand it, but I'm like all right, god we're gonna roll with this.

Speaker 1: 10:15

I mean, at first I got really angry and I was like what's going on.

Speaker 2: 10:16

I mean, you know, we all had that real yes, if you say that you're a Christian and you don't cry, something's wrong, you're lying you're lying, that's it.

Speaker 1: 10:20

You're just lying. You try to make yourself look good. We cry, we get upset. He just tells us not to stay there right, you gotta pick yourself up.

Speaker 2: 10:31

That's it. I mean, look at what paul did. Yeah, I know got knocked off of a donkey, but we're blind. Yes, yes he sure did. You know he was mad. Come on, you got stoned. And here I am just be like oh it's broken girl. Did you get thrown off a cliff? Did you get stoned did?

Speaker 1: 10:56

you get bit by a snake and had to just trust them, then't we? No, kim, keep going.

Speaker 2: 11:05

Yes, it makes our stuff look petty, oh I know it is and you gotta look at it that way. You have to. So ever since then I was like okay, and it was so funny because it's one thing after another kept happening and whoo well, like father, I can't take much more of this. I don't understand. It was like the court going through that and then my lawyer which this was the weirdest thing was around Christmas and it was Ooh, it got real ugly. My lawyer told me that I had to find another one, I had to seek other counsel, but then he started working with my son's father's lawyer counsel.

Speaker 1: 11:47

But then he started working with my son's father's lawyer and I was like what?

Speaker 2: 11:56

This is so much craziness. You got jokes y'all. Yes, he does. And then I got another letter in saying like oh well, here's your six month follow-up for to make sure that your breast cancer runs in the family. So I had to check up like two months after that and this is like back-to-back that is coming in the mail. And then I closed out a credit card Somehow, that one reopened and it just so much if I couldn't even make this up. But it was within like a day or a week right after each other when I tell you your girl was a mess. I could have worked off of one of the KISS members. Like my mascara was all over my face.

Speaker 2: 12:24

It was brutal, but I still worked. I was giving scripture to them and even I didn't get another lawyer because I was like, no, if Jesus didn't have a lawyer, Jesus, I need you to be my lawyer. And after talking to another girl, oh, that's a story, Baby, that is a story, Stacey Waldron. I need to give you her contact because she rocked my world and she's now an ordained minister. Oh, she rocked my socks off. She's fabulous, Her story. Well, the pathway where my story was going was in a close run where hers was. Wow, Her testimony. I mean, get your Kleenexes ready because it's just brutal, but I don't want to give too much glory, like I said, to the evil part, that's right.

Speaker 2: 13:03

Because it happened. God got me through it and now God's going to get me to a higher level and I'm going to dance around that part and just be like you can't bring me down. Daddy's got me. But I think my first test after I got saved was whenever I went in for my checkup. When you say that you can witness to somebody bare chested, this is how nervous I was. They tell you to go in there and you know it's your breast. They're not examining anything else. But I was so nervous I took everything off. No, you didn't my robe on. I was like I don't know. I mean I have my underwear on, but it's so nice the waiting room I don't know if you've ever it is go to To the Shepard one. Yes, it is.

Speaker 1: 13:43

It'll make you take everything off of your underwear. It's a nice waiting room and the ladies are looking so good.

Speaker 2: 13:49

And then I'll see I'm like, wait a minute, I haven't got the pants on, so I start texting some of my nurse friends. I'm like y'all. They're like if you go in for a breast exam and they ask you to take your pants off, you need to run out of there. I couldn't stop. So of course I had to share it with the nurse that was in there. I mean, we just had a good old giggle, but I had my little handouts too and I gave it to him. I was like I think this is God's way of testing me to see if I'm going to claim his name in here. I was like, so he saved me, I hope. Do you know who he is? Because let me tell you. And then I'm just like, of course we do. This is amazing. And she goes look at you, witness him with your shirt off, and I'm like I love her. I mean, of course it's just like one of them, but I'm like look at this guy.

Speaker 2: 14:36

I'm sporting you, sir. So I mean, if you say you can witness a guy with a boob hangout, I think you're doing pretty good I think so too I think now that's a story that's a real witness. I mean so the doctor's scanning too, and I mean, of course it's got to be an attractive doctor. I'm like, all right, guys, it's funny. So I'm like, oh air. I'm like okay, reaching my little thing. I'm like, well, he's doing his little sound like.

Speaker 1: 15:02

I don't know if you're saved or not, but i'm'm going to need it.

Speaker 2: 15:05

He was just saying oh, my little heat on it said leave your mark. I'm like well God, we definitely left a mark in that blazer. Okay, so it's been nonstop ever since then. Oh, wow, yeah, so I mean gas stations. I started with some. Let's see, my son got upset because I used to soldier me and I'm like baby, are you kidding me? We're God's warriors. Put the armor of God on here. This is a message. Sent that one out.

Speaker 2: 15:32

Then I used dollar bills. Yeah, I don't know, I know that. I know God knows how many, because I know he was the girls that I worked with. My old manager was like God is not telling you to stamp and put his scripture on these dollar bills. You need to keep these dollar bills. You don't got a job. And I'm like, watch what he does with these dollar bills. When I put a dollar bill in my scripture in there and I just left one at the nurse's station Before you knew it, all eight of them are talking about it.

Speaker 2: 15:58

I'm like that's God, I'll leave you one and it spreads. So I can't even imagine what he's doing with all this. I mean, just think about it. If you give it to one person, how many people are in that one person's family, you never know. And if they don't have a Bible, if they don't go to church, and that's the one thing that they have, I have that one scripture. That's right. But I'm not good with electronics, I'm not even going. I don't know about this cloud either, jesus. I tried to upload some stuff. I don't know where it is. It's floating around somewhere in a cloud. Okay, and it's always been. It's been like that with nurses my nursing stuff too. I'm sitting in the middle of the parking lot and they would laugh at me and I'm like I did my work y'all.

Speaker 2: 16:34

Look, look, half of it is just two sentences. It's on there. What's up? You hear me? Jesus is gonna come out on my cloud with all my missing work and my scriptures so here it is it's on this cloud test here you go thank you, jesus, whatever this dang cloud is. Oh wow, I wish I could show you my pictures, but I tried to upload them and store it. Now, girl, I don't know, it's somewhere up there, god knows, so I'll have to remake them and store it Nah girl.

Speaker 2: 17:03

I don't know, it's somewhere up there, god knows, so I'll have to remake them and be like here you go.

Speaker 1: 17:07

Here's a new one. So what made you do the dollar bills Like? Was it just an act of obedience?

Speaker 2: 17:15

Okay, so Gabe kept asking me. He didn't understand Mama, you got dunked in the bathtub. What did that mean? And I was like okay, baby, let me show you. I said do you see this dollar bill? And I mean the dollar bill, we just got to get it dirty, okay, and it was four. And so I was trying to explain to him. I am not a school teacher. I did the best that I could. Baby, when I tell you, he looked more confused after I got through with it. I was like no, mama, I broke it. I showed him the Ten Commandments and we're going over them. And I said now, unfortunately, your mama has broke literally every single one of these. And he goes, mama, and the one he chose to focus on was lying. So I'm like I'm good with that one, baby, just focus on that one.

Speaker 1: 17:56

Okay, that's only that last one.

Speaker 2: 17:59

So he was. He was like well, if you lie, I'm going to tell God I go. He already knows. He said well, I'm not going to, I'm going to tell him five times I go. Will you tell him five times? He already knows. Right, as soon as I lie, he already knows. So I tell him.

Speaker 2: 18:12

I was like this represents the sin in our life All the dirt, everything on this dollar bill. So we get the, a wire brush, which I may need to get a loofah or something. Get some of that extra off. So I washed it and I was like okay, to baptize, this is what God does. He washes all this dirt off of us and then when he washes it, he dips us down and we're raised in the likeness of the father and the son and the holy spirit and baptized. When we come up I was like we're made new and now we're sealed. And that's where I got the stamp of the heart and I put it on the dollar bill because he gives us a new heart and we're in the lamb's book of life. So that's where that came from. But his facial expression he just looked at me like he was like what do you mean? You're made new? I was like you'll understand, he's going to word of god academy now, so I'm like for the james, here you go, sir there you go help a girl out.

Speaker 2: 19:06

I mean, that's it I mean it is so funny because I'm teaching him some of the words. If y'all get a crazy little white boy that tries to put his fingers in your ears and spit on your tongue, I'm sorry. That is my son. His name is gabriel he's. I went over how jesus healed the deaf and the mute. He's trying to heal everyone, baby. He's going around. I don't know what God's got in store for that baby, but it's going to be you.

Speaker 2: 19:33

He's trying to heal. He is, yes, his dad's a physician, I'm a nurse, his dad is brilliant and I know it's God that should have turned out so ugly and so messy and it turned out better than I could ever imagine. And I know he's not done. But I mean, and for the longest time I thought that we were going to get back together, but it's not. I'm like you know what it's going to be a blessing either way it goes. That's right. So we just go roll with it.

Speaker 2: 19:57

And then I don't know what's going to happen with Brady and his situation. But I know God, I'm like God. I want somebody to have a happy ending here and you know it's going to be beautiful. I don't know what it is. And then with my other girl, her story's going right. She's really going. She's going to make you laugh too. She got one arm, but the girl, she's one cooking mama. She's hilarious.

Speaker 2: 20:17

But I mean, it's just the way that God has brought different people in our lives and it's. I don't care what your yes does. And there was one person that I know. I know you can just feel with the spirit and the glory of God. Come on you. I was crying, he was crying the goosebumps that both of us had, and you could just see him shaking and I'm like I was so excited because I know it was him. I had nothing to do with it, I just got to be a part of it and it's the most amazing thing. I mean it's better than anything you could ever experience in the world and I want to make sure that people have this. So that's, I mean. You see me like a crazy girl.

Speaker 2: 21:14

She's going after somebody. Sure am, jesus left the 99 to come get me. So I got to do my part. If I get, I mean, like that turtle that got ran over today, you can take this body, but, baby, I belong to him, I know where I'm going. I'll be looking down, being like hey, daddy, can I go bother them, just so they know. Or, if he's not done, be like okay, if it was evil, they killed me, make me bigger, make me stronger and send me back down there, put me in coach, I'm ready to play. So that's the way I'm looking at it. I told him I mean, if you need to blow me I think I told you this the first time I met you I'm like you need to blow me up, like, do it big, make it pretty, that's it.

Speaker 2: 21:51

Sparkly, and then with, like the Star of David or a big heart, could you imagine the welcome party?

Speaker 1: 21:56

Oh my.

Speaker 2: 21:56

God, I mean to be like cut through. Like you know, god's got some gangster in him too. Baby like you, just don't mess with me like God father, my foot, like. Let me tell you about my father. Who is God right? What do you think? Them ideas? They just trying to be like him.

Speaker 1: 22:13

You better move on out the way, you don't know my daddy like I do thank you be like watch out, daddy, you see what they just did?

Speaker 2: 22:22

yeah, because, baby, when he gets off that throne, you better watch it.

Speaker 1: 22:27

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 22:28

So yeah, that's how I got started.

Speaker 1: 22:33

That is amazing. So your results came back all negative though, right yeah.

Speaker 2: 22:38

Yeah, that's what he was, just like. Well, that's really strange, because usually you don't get that report. I was like well, I guess you do whenever you're witnessing you got your lust exposed. Be like no, you'll be Magic wand, Disappear. But I mean, you know. I still have to go back and do the six months checkup. But I was like you know what, Do I even need to do that? Because it already says in his word.

Speaker 1: 22:58

Jesus took all of our.

Speaker 2: 23:00

He took our diseases, our infirmities. Yes, he did so. Ain't nobody like him? That's right. I mean, can you imagine the patience, the amount of love, like whenever he gives you a message? It's simple and it's beautiful and it's pure. You just don't get any better. And then, you know, I usually I got to write it down at the bedside. Some of it I'm just like can you go back over that with me, because it's real pretty? But I messed it up. I put too many words in there. There were not this many words in there, but it was beautiful. Can you send that back to me so?

Speaker 1: 23:29

Oh my gosh, I love your journey. I love that you're on it and you're steadfast and unwavering. I love it.

Speaker 2: 23:39

You know, I told you he's got a sense of humor.

Speaker 1: 23:41

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:41

So, as a nurse, I would tell my patients when I admitted him you got to be real with them. So I'd tell him okay, you're going to want to scissor, kick me in the throat while you're here, but on your way out you were going to be hugging and kissing me because I'm going to be on you. We're going to get this done. You're coming't know how hard, but you will be better by the time that you leave me. And I did have to leave for a break.

Speaker 2: 24:06

I do remember chasing after this one man when his wife had a stroke and I was trying to teach him how to use a peg. And that's the only thing that I really hate with health care and insurance when they need to be in there longer because you go through stages where you're not ready to accept what happened. He wasn't ready and he was scared because it I mean it's a lot. So he goes from doing literally everything and then they have a stroke. Well, because we try to take on too much and that's too much of a burden. Our bodies were never meant to carry that. That's why we have almighty God. We got to hand everything to him. But when we try to take it on, we break like I broke.

Speaker 2: 24:43

But he was the one that also you think that was you doing this. Why do you think I made you as strong as I made you? Because I knew what you were getting into. You didn't. That's me showing you what to do. I was stupid and I was trying to take the no baby, that's no. So now, whenever I go back into it, I know I got my daddy, that's right. He's going to show me what I need to do because he's the one who made it, so he can tell me what I need, what to focus on. But you know, I had a stroke right what no?

Speaker 1: 25:11

Yeah At 35. Taking on Too much, too much.

Speaker 2: 25:17

Wait, okay. So where'd you go? What hospital did you go?

Speaker 1: 25:20

to. Well, it's like North, and they sent me to.

Speaker 2: 25:23

Was it rehab?

Speaker 1: 25:23

Yep, I had some good. Was I your nurse? I want to say you probably were.

Speaker 2: 25:31

Probably so, because God is mending everybody back together. Yes, yes. Well, if you had a sassy white girl that called herself a fire ant? Well then, that's so. I mean, and look, these are fire ants. I have never experienced a fire ant. Well then, that's so. I mean, and look, these are fire ants. I have never experienced a fire ant bite like these things before. And I told him I'm like god, I'm gonna be like a fire ant for you too. When I was lazy and I was having my pity party, I would go outside. I mean, those fire ants, baby. They just tore me up and I was like, oh, I'm not doing something today that I'm supposed to be doing. Fire ant, right, yeah, I had to go send one of my fire ants to fire you up. I was like sorry, but yeah, isn't it? He's funny. It's funny how everything comes back around me. But no, I tried to download your thing on my phone. I already told you.

Speaker 1: 26:22

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 26:23

I ain't lying to you. I sure didn't look it up.

Speaker 1: 26:26

But yeah, I wasn't able to walk by the time that you got out of there were you.

Speaker 2: 26:32

Oh, I wonder if you have my friend Beverly too. That's another one. Nurses, they have to be tough. Another thing is you don't know how to handle it because you can't transfer your feelings that you're going like from one room to another. You have one person that's okay, they just had back surgery or something. They can walk pretty good. But then you have somebody that had the sweetest thing in the world, that just had a baby, had a stroke and can't get through it with a newborn baby, and you're just asking what's going on but you don't know their story. Everything is God trying to wake somebody up and get them to pay attention. If you don't pay attention to what your body is saying, what he created it to, like I can look right now and say I'm dehydrated. I can tell that by my fingers being wrinkled up, like I know that I'm dehydrated. In case your fingers are ever wrinkled up like this oh no, no, I got some water right here. Yeah, really, that's some water right here.

Speaker 1: 27:26

Yeah, so really yes, ma'am. Or whenever your tongue seems in my tongue it's kind of white or dehydrated, those are good tricks. Yes, ma'am, pay attention to your body.

Speaker 2: 27:33

You got to pay attention to your body. That's why he made it that way. They're a little alarm, so and whenever your, your heart, like I can tell, whenever I'm getting anxious and whenever I'm like it's too much and it starts feeling heavy and I have a hard time breathing. I have to get that out. That's why there's I mean I say confetti, there's a mark on there for a reason. I mean, but just reading that and getting away from the noise and going to a quiet place and I have to read that he calms me down. I'm telling you, without him I would not have made it through this entire situation and I don't know how I made it without him. Well, clearly I didn't.

Speaker 2: 28:06

Right, I didn't Right, I failed my storm.

Speaker 1: 28:11

You're not alone. I know You're not alone.

Speaker 2: 28:14

And that's why I love the Bible so much is it's. No one is perfect.

Speaker 1: 28:19

Right.

Speaker 2: 28:21

Not one person. It doesn't matter what you're going through. You perfect, right? Not one person. It doesn't matter what you're going through. You're not perfect. It's one sin versus another sin. You got to get rid of that so we can work through you. And without him we have nothing. He's the one who blesses and I don't know where this little lady is. I still feel bad.

Speaker 2: 28:35

I was going around like I was the other day handing out my blessings and this lady, sass, talked to me. She was like no, I don't work here, why are you asking me that? And I was like I was trying to give you a blessing. And I got back in my car and I drove off and God just kind of very, very calmly, was like now, was that the best way to represent your father? Is that how you needed to handle that situation? I was like but she and he goes. How many times have you acted that way? Whenever I was trying to bless you, I was like well, you got me there. Sorry, daddy, I know, daddy, I did a U-turn. I couldn't find the lady. I was like ah.

Speaker 1: 29:18

It's like next time, next time. This is for the next time. Yes.

Speaker 2: 29:24

And it's not like how we would be like. Why did you do that? No, he's like. Is that how I would have handled that situation? What does my word say? You bless the just and the unjust Now, is that how I would have handled it? No, sir. So I know. That's him. Me, I'm doing it. Maybe I'm coming in hot turning on two wheels trying to find out. I'll be like ma'am. I'm sorry, I'm the one that missed out on the blessing Like no no, you still got the lesson.

Speaker 1: 29:54

There is a lesson.

Speaker 2: 29:55

Yes, there is a lesson in everything.

Speaker 1: 29:57

In everything. That's all. That's really what this walk, this life, this journey is about is learning the lesson.

Speaker 2: 30:06

Yes, ma'am, and we get lessons every single day. It's pretty amazing, it is. And so the people that are the homeless ones. I do like to joke with them Every morning and I call them my patients. I'm like, well, god, I'm working for you, I'm not getting paid here, I'm getting paid up there. It's like, well, god, I'm working for you, I'm not getting paid here, I'm getting paid up there. So I need to go check on Miss Sue, I need to go check on Miss Sheila, and I have my names and some of my men I haven't seen anymore. I don't know where Andrew went. I've only met Andrew, and of course, the men's name are biblical, also Jesus.

Speaker 2: 30:36

No, that one threw me off for a big old loop, but you never know whenever he's going to be testing you. You're right, but I do know that he also said that there would be false prophets and people claiming to be the Messiah and they go here, there and no. But as I told this guy, I was like you know what? Imagine what this world would be like if we all treated people how we would treat Jesus. Can you imagine that would probably be what heaven is like?

Speaker 2: 30:59

If we treated each other with love and respect, because that was his commandment. That he told us to do is to love one another. So that's what I feel like heaven's gonna be like. Can you imagine the amount of love, and it's gonna be amazing. I keep asking. I'm like god can I please have a unicorn that flies? I mean I don't want a unicorn so bad. I mean you know he can that would be awesome you know he can make it.

Speaker 2: 31:21

That would be awesome. You know he can make it. I'm not talking about getting a little party hat and painting it white and slapping it on a horse Like don't get out of here while I'm jazzed.

Speaker 1: 31:30

A real one. Yes, oh, heaven will be beautiful.

Speaker 2: 31:36

Yes, it is, it's going to be beautiful.

Speaker 2: 31:39

That's why I was, whenever I was reading one of the books that Jesse Duplantis wrote, and it said that you know, next time, if I don't meet you in person here on earth, then I can't wait to see you in heaven, because I'll be sliding down the streets of gold in my socks and I'll be sticking my head in your window. I was like God, can I live next to Jesse? I mean, I can't even imagine. Like his wife, he's a strong preacher. Yes, he's a strong preacher. Yes, that's a stronger woman behind the man, because you know that woman's been praying.

Speaker 1: 32:07

Yes, it's a strong man.

Speaker 2: 32:10

Yes, and she's so cute, I just want she's precious. So I mean I just can't wait. I'm like God, I cannot wait. I cannot wait. I want to be running along Jesse and his wife and she's probably going to be like no, I want to be running along Jesse and his wife. She's probably going to be like no, y'all go have fun.

Speaker 1: 32:25

I'm going to be in here praying, worshiping. I'll go ahead.

Speaker 2: 32:31

Yeah, go ahead. I'm like I need somebody to cut up with the Believers Convention. I went to this year. I want all of us to go next year. I want to bring so many people with me. It's amazing when you walk into that convention center.

Speaker 2: 32:45

I cried my head off all the way there and then all the way back. I didn't want to come back home but I had to for my child. But I mean, I stopped on the side of the road. I think I was probably lost. I couldn't remember if I missed my exit or not because I was just crying, I didn't want to leave so bad, and there was a police officer that pulled up beside me. It was like Mary, are you okay? I was like I'm fine, I'm just talking to God. I just like I don't want to go, but I'm praying that they'll bring it. Yeah, maybe I mean brochures, got a. We've got a convention center. Sure, we've got a convention center. What I mean? I know God can make it happen, but maybe he knows we just maybe we need to, we need a road trip. We might need a road trip. I mean I mean maybe a beach. I need to look and see where they have it.

Speaker 1: 33:24

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 33:25

I mean, the setup there in Fort Worth is so pretty, like all the rocks and the water and the little fountain that they have there. I'm like this reminds me of the pool where they were healing. And the guy was just like are you here for the convention? And I was like I don't know, I thought I missed it. I don't know where it is. I know it's in one of these buildings. And he goes well, come with me. I'm like, okay, I said well, I came here for, and he goes well, which of the pastors do you like listening to? I was like well, mr kenneth reminds me of my dad. I like jesse. And he goes. So he gets on his phone, he goes oh, they're still talking. He hasn't even started preaching yet.

Speaker 2: 33:56

And I was like I love you, thank you, god. So yeah, it was. I mean they even had white robes hanging up in the hotel rooms and I was like am I about to die? Is this? Don't need to go wash this robe? It does feel a little funny like somebody smoked in it. But hey, I mean, girl, I was cutting up. I know god was just like this girl right here, he just takes care of us.

Speaker 1: 34:18

I know what he's like, that one's on fire. I just got to keep her covered. Yes.

Speaker 2: 34:25

Maybe doesn't he. Yes, ma'am, because I know what I got into some of the. I went into Cedar Grove. Yeah, I want to go there it needs it.

Speaker 1: 34:33

You're a witness in there.

Speaker 2: 34:34

Yes, but I pulled in there and then the guy looked at me. He goes girl, you're the wrong color to be in here. I go just because daddy left. He pulled me out of the oven too soon. Baby, it don't matter. Really, we say daddy don't care. Right, we found the same daddy, thank you. But his name was Charles.

Speaker 2: 34:56

But I know, I know God got a hold to the one guy that was sitting in the seat. It was a little weird at first, but I know God got him. Yeah, he said I picked him up at the gas station because he asked me if I could take him. I was like what are you waiting on? He was like well, I couldn't get on the bus. The bus said that I looked like somebody and I couldn't get a ride. And I was like are you saved? And he said he was. I was like okay, well, jesus is riding with me, so let's roll. He asked me what my name?

Speaker 2: 35:20

Awkward, because I kept asking him okay, where do you want me to drop you off at? And he was like just a little ways up here. Oh, you can drop me off at this gas station. We pass a gas station. Well, just a little bit farther. I was like, maybe, really, where do you stay? And he was like, oh, you can just drop me off at this gas. I didn't know where I was. I'm not from this area. And he was like, well, it's cedar grove. And I was like I remember that. Oh, I remember bringing somebody here. Whenever I first moved here I was like, oh, no, wait, that was cooper road, we're okay. Oh, then afterwards I was like, okay, that was god's grace right there. Thank you, father. Now let's see why you sent him out by the twos. I got it, that's's right.

Speaker 2: 36:00

So yeah, I know so that was one of those where it's like girl, don't push my, don't test your daddy okay.

Speaker 1: 36:05

Right right.

Speaker 2: 36:08

But I know that I was there for a reason, like I know, because again my little handouts that I gave him. It was kind of awkward at first because he wouldn't get out of the car, but then a big group of people started walking towards the car and this is a big red flag that I've found, or that God has pointed out when someone wants to call you not by your name but by what your sin is, that's how you know that that's Satan trying to work on you Like baby. I was delivered from that. I'm not an alcoholic.

Speaker 2: 36:33

I am not living in sin. There's no man that's going to be living in the house with me unless we're married or unless God tells me there is no. Hanging Like baby, stop even looking, because I made the mistake. Because whenever I'm driving I get comfortable and I put my leg up on the side like kicked up, like a kickstand. And whenever he looked over, he like looked over like this. I'm like, oh no, baby, that's close for business. I'm sorry. I told you God, I'm daddy's. Ain't nothing happening here?

Speaker 1: 37:02

get it I get.

Speaker 2: 37:03

Oh, that's the way, that's the way, that's the way. I'm like he is the way. Yes, he is, and he's watching you right now. He's watching us both. And he was like, are you gonna take me to church? I'm like, if god wants us, because he kept saying that we were meant to be together and I said I'll tell you what, if it's really meant to be together, god's gonna make a way and I guess I'll see you at church. The last time I saw him and that's the last time I went over there, but I'm like, god, I'm going to get a hold of that, not me, you are going to get a hold of that place. So, but I know he got that one.

Speaker 2: 37:29

Maybe that's why I was there, like I said he left the 99 to get the one, so maybe that was the one.

Speaker 1: 37:34

Yes, he did. I'm always saying some plant, some water, god receives the increase.

Speaker 2: 37:40

That's right.

Speaker 1: 37:41

Whatever that was watering or planting you did it.

Speaker 2: 37:46

Well, I don't know, yeah, he did something. He did. He saved me. I know that's right. He kept you covered while it was happening. I can't claim none of that except Thank you, daddy. Thank you for that opportunity and that lesson All at one time.

Speaker 1: 38:05

All at one time. All at one time, oh so have you had any like whenever you are witnessing to the homeless or period? Have you had? Like when you go into businesses or places like that, do you have people that kind of shut you down? Oh, yes, yeah, how does that make you feel, or how does that?

Speaker 2: 38:25

the first time it happened. The first time it was shocked, like what? They're like, oh no, I'm good, thank you. I'm like oh no, I'm going to hand this to you anyways. No, you're not good, you don't know who he is. You need him, but you can't.

Speaker 2: 38:38

Day is like if they're not ready yet or they just choose, not, he doesn't force them, it's a choice. So that was the hardest lesson. I mean, I've cried over that and sometimes I still do cry, just depends on the situation. But now some of it just kind of makes me giggle. But if I'm in a store and if they're working, I'm like I'll just leave it on whatever they're working on. I was like I'm just going to just leave this here because I know God's going to make a way.

Speaker 2: 39:02

But yeah, and then some of them were just like look at you, like, oh, you think you're so much better. No, baby, no, I'm not. I would not be what I am without him. I would not be able to make it through no-transcript, and I guess he had to do that to me too, honestly. But it was just so I would know it wasn't anybody else, it wasn't my parents, it wasn't my sisters, it wasn't my baby's father. It was nobody but God that saved me. My baby's father it was nobody but God that saved me. He literally removed everything and it was just us. So he gets all the glory. It was nobody else. Everybody else was just like you need to get up.

Speaker 2: 39:51

You need to do this when you have been rocked off your feet and you were at the lowest you've ever been in your life. And another lesson is never say that you will never do something, because watch what he does when you think that you are oh, I'll never become like that.

Speaker 1: 40:08

Oh really.

Speaker 2: 40:09

Look at where you are now, girl. Now tell me what you won't do.

Speaker 1: 40:13

Gotta make you humble.

Speaker 2: 40:14

Quickly and in a hurry. Yeah, but, hattie, I thank him every single day for it because I needed it, single day for it, because I needed it. If hell is anything like being around unbelievers and people that backstab you and lie and really don't care about you, that's enough. That's hell for me. I don't need the rest of it. I'm good. Thank you, I like the way you put that. That is hell. That's hell to me.

Speaker 2: 40:40

Yeah, people that hurt you on purpose that's what Satan does, I mean. But look at what he gave up. That's why he works so hard, so that he's not by himself, so that he can make fun of other people because of what he did. And what if people unbelievers don't want other people to believe because they're too scared to make a move? So that's the way that I see it and on God's level, he is fun. He is amazing. He can create anything he wants to. So you can either be someone that just watches somebody do it, or you can be a partaker and you can be part of the action. So you want to sit on the sidelines or you want to be put in the game, what you want to do. I mean, he got cheerleaders. Don't get me wrong, they're good. He got cheerleaders. Don't get me wrong, they're good, but it's all part of a team. It's his team. It's just what are you able to do? How much faith do you put into it? What are you willing to give up this way?

Speaker 1: 41:31

is it? That was so good, that was so good.

Speaker 2: 41:36

Well, thank you, I told you. I was like please don't make a small of my foot, lord I mean, I do have some water right here, but hey, it's being real.

Speaker 1: 41:46

That's right. You broke that down to where everyone can understand. You have a choice. Yes, ma'am, you have a choice.

Speaker 2: 41:55

You have a choice. God doesn't want us miserable and girl, I may have to call you. So on my bad days I'll be like, can you repeat that to me? Right? But I mean, we all have, especially women, Like we were talking earlier your hormones, this monthly thing, and then, when you get older, like I don't even know what's going on, I'm like God, what is this? Jesus? I need you to come down right now. So, like, lend me your ear. No, I don't need just your ear, I need your whole everything. Fix something, Daddy, something off. I need you to fix it. Like your girl is going crazy down here. But yeah, you just, and he'll answer in a hurry. No, he's pretty amazing.

Speaker 1: 42:32

I think he is, I know he is, I know he is. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2: 42:38

Pretty phenomenal. But girls, I mean, that's something like God you need to. Your girls are getting a beating down here, I mean, and I know that he's busy, I know he's working, but I know oh, what is it? Can't remember my name, but my other friend that I want you to meet. She's also having experienced the same thing with homeless, where there's a lady that'll come in and you have to know how to communicate with somebody, or else, if you don't get the message where they can understand it, you're wasting your breath, you're not going to get anywhere. But she was saying how God has sent her down here to help save her people and what they're doing with children Like the boys, where they're trying to make them into girls, right? Well, if you read part of the Bible, that was one of the evil spirits that they had way back in the day, and I'm like, baby, it's all in God's. He's already told us. You just got to read the manual, you just have to read the manual.

Speaker 2: 43:29

And he it's so amazing because he breaks it down too. I didn't get angry. Sometimes I'm like God of damn too. I do get angry. Sometimes I'm like God if you're trying to give me a message in a parable. I don't need parables, I need blood coming to it straight. You know, sometimes you don't know what's going on and you read too much into it. But you just got to calm yourself and when you're ready to listen, he'll give you the message.

Speaker 1: 43:48

Yes, he will. He'll just politely put his understanding on it politely yes, not feisty like what we like.

Speaker 2: 43:57

Yeah, because our heavenly father he's got manners yes, he does and I know that love. Oh my god, that love and that was one of the messages that he told me was people keep trying to save the world through worldly means. You're not going to do it through worldly means. What was God's job? Jesus came down to save the world. So until we unify and do what his word said, and love, one another.

Speaker 2: 44:22

And love, but it's not our love, it's through God's love, because his love is perfect and pure and honest and trustworthy and he keeps his word. That was. I mean. He even had me break down, define the definition of what word is and I was like, oh okay, it's a statement, it's a sentence, it's letters put together, it has meaning. What is the Bible? Does he not stand true? Does he not keep his word? Like the rainbow, when he keeps his word and he keeps a promise everlasting. I saw a rainbow this morning before I came in here, so I mean I know I got. I love rainbows.

Speaker 1: 45:00

Now I do too Because that's and. I do too.

Speaker 2: 45:04

So this is what I was thinking about, this Cause you know how it's the lesbians and the gays and I'm like you know what Cause? Somebody asked me what I thought about that and I was like, well, it's funny, because my sister, I was like I don't know, god's always got a bigger plan. So I'm like I'm a sinner myself, I'm working not to do all this because it is possible through christ. I was like, but why are you going to try to exchange one sin for another? Because I hear you backstabbing and you're two-faced. God can't stand that either.

Speaker 2: 45:35

At all like no, he will not put up with it I'm like so your haughtiness and your self-righteousness he hates. I was like so you get off your high horse. Stop judging somebody else for what their sin is. You can't exchange one sin for another right so who's to say that god's not going to wrestle this around and use a rainbow to save somebody? I'm like you don't know what God's got in store.

Speaker 1: 45:58

You don't know why they chose that.

Speaker 2: 46:00

You have no idea. God already knew the devil lied to them, just like he did to us. Just like he did to us. Thank you, I'm like I was sleeping with people I wasn't married with.

Speaker 2: 46:10

A sin is a sin baby, it don't matter what kind of face you want to put on it, take the mask off, it's still the same thing. And you think, if you trying to get me caught up in a lot, no, I ain't casting a stone. If anything, what I'm going to cast is a hug and I'm going to tell him about our father and be like I was lied to, I was deceived. But let me tell you about who our father is. So when you're ready to come on home, when you've had enough, you already know he loves you because he said go forth and be fruitful. Well, you can't be fruitful. He's already trying to save you from the beginning because he knows what you're up against, because you got deceived. He loves you that much. He hates to see you hurt and he hates to see you crying. He wants you to be blessed. That's the way I look at it. I'm like no, absolutely not. We're all in the same boat and it all leads to the same answer. It all leads back to Jesus. Maybe he already knew we were going to be in a hot mess. He did. I mean, can you imagine the amount of the weight and the pain? And I can't remember who else I think I went through?

Speaker 2: 47:12

I was talking to Joe about just the stuff that you know the doctors that write prescriptions and like pain medicine and Adderall and stuff like that, where God's going to get a hold of you. Rejection and being rejected causes physical pain and a lot of people don't understand that Sin literally causes you physical pain. Yes, and you try to keep going and keep going and keep going. God will put you on your knees. No amount of energy in the world can keep you going. When you try to handle everything on your own, you have to give it to God, and that covers every realm. I don't care what you're dealing with. If you give it to him, he's already bored. That's the importance of the cross.

Speaker 2: 47:52

But we were talking about what was worse physical or emotional pain. And after being stupid and say emotional, way worse. I was like you know what both of them I said. But you know what? Who had the worst end of it? Again, jesus. Yeah, can you imagine the amount of weight and pain, the betrayal. And then you had people mocking whenever, while he he, girl, if you read about he was even working miracles, while he was being persecuted and beat. So I'm like sorry, there's nobody greater than him, none. And who do I want on my side? Thank you, somebody that kind and that loving and that gracious. No, that's why he says do not rely on men, don't even rely on princes, nobody of human form, nobody of this world. Sorry, you will never measure up, Not to my God.

Speaker 1: 48:44

No.

Speaker 2: 48:44

Not to my Savior. No, my Lord is Lord of Lord. King of Kings, baby, you can't.

Speaker 1: 48:51

Can't come close, can't compare.

Speaker 2: 48:54

Never, that's right.

Speaker 1: 48:57

Can't compare.

Speaker 2: 48:58

Like can you imagine what you're going to say whenever you see him? Like? I'm going to give him the biggest bear hug. I am too Like baby. He's going to be like thank God, this girl is up here, finally. Be like Jesus. I mean, I can't wait.

Speaker 1: 49:14

I can see him Come here, baby. I know I can't wait. I can see him Come here, baby.

Speaker 2: 49:20

I'm not wrong, I'm not going to like run and leap, come here. Sometimes, when it gets so bad, I'm like I know you've got a finger that you've been, you've stuck down here before. Can I just latch on, just bring me up, just come on Just for a moment? Right, and so thisady got on to me.

Speaker 2: 49:39

I know he'll, he'll eventually come on here he was like I figured you out, you're about hugs and I go, let me tell you about hugs. I said whenever I was all alone and I was crying and I was at the the lowest I've ever been in my entire life, I could feel someone cover me, and it was a hug. I said there was nobody in my house, it was just me. I said I know that was Jesus, so you best bet. I said I don't care what you could smell good, you could be dirty, you could smell. I don't care what you smell like. I'm still going to give you a hug because it was that hug that I knew that somebody loved me and somebody was there for me.

Speaker 1: 50:13

Yes.

Speaker 2: 50:14

I will never forget that hug. I will never forget that moment. Then, on the medical side, seeing, I know what the pressure does it releases, it calms you, everything that it does and it releases the oxytocin. Maybe it's the hormone that you get whenever you have like whenever babies are born the healing powers of a hug. It releases hormones Like the moms whenever you first have a hug. It releases hormones like the moms whenever you first have a baby. You know that. Oh, you know what I'm talking about that smell and that hug.

Speaker 2: 50:41

Oh, baby fever. You get so whenever I was first. That's why I hug my bible whenever on my real bad days I'm just like and like. In church everybody's hold their hands up and worshiping and I'm holding my hands. It's because in my mind Jesus is already there. I'm holding his hand through it and I'm worshiping with him. So I know probably some of my churchmen be like I don't know what it's going to take to get this girl over here to lift them hands up.

Speaker 2: 51:13

I got my own thing going, just mind your business, that's right. Or I'm over here like ain't going, just mind your business, that's right. That's right. You're like hugging my bible? Just mind your business. Exactly, look at it. I won't have to hot glue that baby back together, but my little confetti bible, as I like to call it, it's a beautiful work, beautiful. There's a lot of tears in this sucker right here, but you know what. It got me through it and it's gonna get me through what, whatever it is. Yes, exactly, continuing.

Speaker 1: 51:36

I mean it's it's going to get me through whatever it is.

Speaker 2: 51:37

Yes exactly Continuing. I mean it's beautiful, it's amazing. I don't understand why nobody would want to read it. I mean it literally has any and everything that you need to know about. Like drama baby. It's right in that book, right?

Speaker 1: 51:49

Wisdom proverbs just everything. Yes, but some people just aren't ready.

Speaker 2: 51:55

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 51:56

People just aren't ready to let go of that lifestyle, not knowing that we're not even here forever. We're just visitors. That's right, we're just visitors, let's see.

Speaker 2: 52:07

He said that in John. That was one of the things that got marked on here. It said in John 3, 19,. This is the verdict. Light has come into the world, but people love darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light so that it may be plainly seen that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. It's one of my favorite ones. That's what I write on. That's it. Yes, ma'am, I absolutely. I love it.

Speaker 1: 52:44

I just want us to continue hiding when that's what God gave me this for. You know you can and mine was trying to self-righteous. You know we all get it. I was this big minister and you know, going through my marriage dealing with my ex-husband. I mean trying to raise these kids and trying to be area manager.

Speaker 1: 53:08

Yeah, I'm just trying to do everything and I thought me, me, me. But I knew God. But I also wanted to judge these people that I saw that weren't doing right and I wanted them to get it. So God showed me. You know, that was sin Whether people looked up to me and thought, oh, she's got it together. No, I didn't have it together. I had a whole mask on, just like everybody else.

Speaker 1: 53:35

So once God brought me to my knees, let me have a stroke and broke me again and put me into a mental institution oh yeah, we all try to go there.

Speaker 2: 53:46

Yes, ma'am oh my god he busted me out of there.

Speaker 1: 53:48

Thank you, jesus, thank you lord it's just like okay, now do you get? Now it's just me and you, it's me and you. So I just love how someone can be transformed by the renewing of their mind, by God's renewing. God has to do it in order for it to happen, but you have to be willing to let him. Yes, ma'am, I am so. So, oh, I'm excited to have you here and I'm excited to have met you, and I know this isn't our last encounter.

Speaker 1: 54:22

I know we are connected now. Yes, ma'am, we are connected and I want to be one to go with you. Me too, I want to hand out, I want to be with you as you go, as God is with us. Yes, ma'am, I know that's why God had you on here, because now we can target more than just Shreveport Bossier, but we can touch all over the world. Now, yes, ma'am, just for people to understand, it's okay to fall, it's okay to be in sin at that time, but when you're ready, when you're sick and tired Of being, where you are and sick and tired of falling.

Speaker 2: 55:01

Yes, call on your daddy, that's it, and we can help. But you got to be willing to take the help, which that's another problem that I have, because and I'm sure you were the same way Because we're the ones that are supposed to have it all together. That's right. I love giving. Yes, I suck at receiving. I do because I'm like no, this is not the way it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be helping you, and that's another thing that I like. Oh, I have my people that I'll walk in and check around my neighborhood. Sweet man, I had no idea how great his blessing was that day, because it's like you know, whenever you're so used to, well, not used to, I'm not used to failing, I don't like failing. So I guess that's another reason I was lost, and once I failed that hard, I literally gave everything I had into a relationship and it didn't work. It does something to you, I know you understand this.

Speaker 1: 55:53

It changes you.

Speaker 2: 55:54

Yes, it does Literally it rips your heart out and it feels like someone just shredded the pieces. Yes, ma'am, put it through a shredder, ran over it, threw up on it, yeah, ran over it some more. And then let a dog eat it, yeah, and then throw that back up and then let a fish, I mean. Then just go down the cycle, yes, so it's like I don't understand what to do, but just having a small win and was, let me tell you how small this was. So, mr Sammy, I love this man so much. His house is on the corner of like a four-way stop and you'll see him every morning, wave at you when you leave to go to work or wherever, and then wave at you whenever you come back in. And I asked him I'm like Mr Sammy, how long he goes? Well, a wave and a bless them on the way out and a bless them on the way back in which is also a scripture.

Speaker 2: 56:37

I can't remember that right now. I'll have to write it down for you, but I want to say it's maybe in Deuteronomy, but I can't remember, but anyways. So I'm on walk and he's been through this journey with me also. He's, he's I mean, I've cried on, bless his heart. But he always likes to see me because he likes to see what I get into. So it's his stories on me. Lord, help us.

Speaker 2: 57:03

So every morning he sits out there and, like I said, he greets and blesses everybody when they go in and when they come back, but he watches the squirrels and the birds and he gives them bird seed, of course, but he'll have peanuts and corn and that's what he does, is he just feeds God's nature right there. So I told him about this little, what I saw on Pinterest or Amazon or something, where it looked like a little picnic table and it had like a piece of corn where you put it on it, and I showed it to him Next thing. I know he'd ordered two of them. Well, it's not those, but it's a birdhouse. But it has like two little slots where they stand and then on the top of it it has two screws where you can put corn like you put the corn on the cob on there. All you had to do was follow the instructions. But just putting that together with him, yeah, it was a bonding moment.

Speaker 2: 57:47

He has diabetes, I know, mr Sammy, I'm pretty sure he could do it. But it was one of those things where it's like I'm pretty sure that this is god testing both of us and just spending time. So he had all this stuff and he goes. Oh, okay, now flip it upside down. I just laughed. I go. Oh yeah, I forgot those last.

Speaker 2: 58:03

I was wondering where those two screws went. He goes. I was wondering if you're gonna catch her or not. I was like you know, mr sammy, you think this is how god does with us? He goes yeah, probably so, and it's just like man. That's why, god, you know, men are some and that's what fathers are more laid back and sometimes, like mamas, we want to just strangle them because we're like why aren't you more worked up about this? And they're just like it's not that big of a deal. Why are you making? Why are you making a big mountain out of a molehill over here? So yeah, I'm like see, this is thank you God, Because we get all worked up and we deal with the here and the now and they're just looking at it, I guess, like a little further on. Just I don't know. Our minds are not the same. I don't know what they do.

Speaker 1: 58:48

They look at it like, oh, they'll get it.

Speaker 2: 58:50

Yes, exactly. Oh, it's, it's going to be okay. Right, let her mess up. Right, that's exactly, Exactly. No, but if you don't mess up, you don't Because that's yeah, that's right, because God can do literally everything. He does not need our help. But if he did everything, we wouldn't learn anything.

Speaker 1: 59:08

You're right. Well, we thank you for letting us learn.

Speaker 2: 59:12

Now, we do know how to screw some things up, but when we do we'll be like Daddy, I don't know what happened here. I'm going to give you all these pieces. I mean, I'm sorry, I did the best I could. I think, yeah, yeah, that's how good he is.

Speaker 1: 59:27

I'm a good God. I'm thankful, I'm thankful.

Speaker 2: 59:33

Yes, ma'am.

Speaker 1: 59:34

So how much longer are you going to do this? When are you going to go back to work?

Speaker 2: 59:40

I don't know. I guess I need to get back on there. That's why I was. I really hate y'all don't have no R&D slots open, like y'all just have the medical assistant. But I don't know. I need mom. Friendly jobs are very hard to come by, you're right. Honestly, I don't know where he's going to take this. I don't know. For the longest time I thought it was maybe into counseling or then into mission work, but then it's also we're disciples and we're learning and it's our job to witness for him. In whatever job that we do. That's a skill. I'm good at that job, so I know that that was one of the stepping stones, one of the building stones. Now I don't know what it's going to go into. I'm excited to see where.

Speaker 1: 1:00:20

I'm excited too.

Speaker 2: 1:00:22

Yeah, I don't know. But it's one of those things where I'm like okay, I know that you're in control of everything and I don't like not knowing what's going on is another part of my problem. A control freak, I guess, is you would say, a little bit, a bit. So this has been completely I'm all about spur of the moment, but then again I need to know what am I getting into so that I've got the supplies. I want to make sure I've got what I need.

Speaker 1: 1:00:48

And God is saying, nope, have faith that I've got you.

Speaker 2: 1:00:50

That's right. Everything's His. All you need is me.

Speaker 1: 1:00:56

That's the lesson.

Speaker 2: 1:00:56

That's right, it is Started with Abraham and. Isaac, didn't it Right?

Speaker 1: 1:01:03

25 years later he said give back, give it back. I just got him. Can you imagine? I just got him. Give him back. Yes, ma'am. And then he's like I just wanted to see if you would be obedient.

Speaker 2: 1:01:22

Yes, ma'am. So I know things are building up. I don't know what it is, but I'm like, I'm excited, and it's like a little kid, like a Christmas time where you see all the presents. I can feel it. I just can't see it yet. So that's where I'm at.

Speaker 1: 1:01:38

I mean I know it's close, I can feel it.

Speaker 2: 1:01:39

I know what you mean, so I'm just just rolling with it.

Speaker 1: 1:01:42

I love it. It's gonna happen. It's gonna happen, whatever it is, I ain't gonna lie to you, not one bit.

Speaker 2: 1:01:48

But you know, I know it's coming it's coming.

Speaker 1: 1:01:51

Whatever it is, yes, ma'am, whatever it is, guys, I mean it couldn't just be him coming.

Speaker 2: 1:01:56

Hey, you're right, daddy, let me right.

Speaker 1: 1:01:59

You're right, you're right we could be at that point where you know what I've taken care of you already. Yes, ma'am, you got all you need. You witness as much as you can. Now come on come on, baby.

Speaker 2: 1:02:12

that's right. I know that's what I'm like. What's my job, what am I doing? How much farther I got to go? Yes, ma'am, so that's far man. I don't know what I'm getting into after I get out of here, so we'll see.

Speaker 2: 1:02:28

Oh wow, but I do know that when Jesus was telling about giving a dinner, not to give a dinner or any type of feeding anyone, where you go after the blind, the lame, pretty much anybody that can't provide for themselves, that's one thing. That Thanksgiving's coming up, if we're still here, god willing, or just in general, just to give somebody a meal that you already know that will not repay you. It's little stuff that you don't have to plan, you just have to do it. But that's one thing that I'm like. Okay, god, I know it's going to start getting colder soon. I know Thanksgiving's coming up, I know where some homeless people are and I'm going to get my mama involved because that one baby, she can cook and we may have to get some CPR after that, because she cooks with grease and she cooks with mama baby thank you, she don't play baby.

Speaker 2: 1:03:18

There's going to be some butter and some bacon and some grease all up in that food. You know it's going to be good oh yeah but I'm like think how many folks we could feed. So that's one thing. I don't know how that's going to come together, but I know he's going to work it out.

Speaker 1: 1:03:33

He's going to work it out, Baby.

Speaker 2: 1:03:35

I know where you work. I'll be like hi, girl, Hi.

Speaker 1: 1:03:39

That's right, he's going to work it out. Yes, ma'am, we have to put together a drive.

Speaker 2: 1:03:45

He's going to work it out together a drive he's gonna work it out and like jackets, yeah just like oh, I'll have to get my scripture you? Yeah, jackets, I'll get my ideas done and jot them down, and it's not just here that people need that. That's all over yeah I mean, we don't have to go over to a different country, we got them right here in our backyard right.

Speaker 1: 1:04:04

Start where you are, that's right and go from there.

Speaker 2: 1:04:08

It's like, why focus on somebody else's scent, like the? Why am I gonna be looking at the pebble or the? The milk in your eye maybe I got a log cabin back at the house I need to get rid of like what let me make sure I got that cleaned up get my stuff together exactly but while I'm learning, I'm gonna teach you what I learned, so that you don't make the same mistake that I did.

Speaker 2: 1:04:30

That's it. So that's that's where I'm at right now, and it's fun. It's painful but it's fun it's, and I know it's gonna be worth it it's gonna be worth it yes, ma'am your treasures that's right. You're like daddy, is my room, is my room ready? I don't even have to have a mansion, just give me a room.

Speaker 1: 1:04:47

No, I'll take the back porch.

Speaker 2: 1:04:49

Right, you got a dog house, because I know it's going to be amazing. Anyways, that's right. You got a cot, I'm ready. It is a van. I'll take that. I don't even know if he got a van up there. Maybe he'll go sleeping on some clouds.

Speaker 1: 1:05:07

Right.

Speaker 2: 1:05:09

We can get that uniform. You know what I'm saying? Oh, wow, yes.

Speaker 1: 1:05:12

Get a.

Speaker 2: 1:05:12

Care Bear stare. Give me a heart, that's it.

Speaker 1: 1:05:17

That's right. Oh wow, this has been wonderful. It has. I like this. I like this a lot. I want you to come back. Okay, this is wonderful. Thank you so much for coming.

Speaker 2: 1:05:32

Oh well, thank you for the invite oh my gosh, it was very pleasant. Yeah, pleasant, absolutely, and talking about daddy, that's it, that's it.

Speaker 1: 1:05:42

That's it. Is there one or two things that you would tell someone that is in a situation like you?

Speaker 2: 1:05:52

Don't give up. Your breakthrough is coming and stay in the word. If anything, open your Bible and read, and before you read, ask God to give you ears that are willing to hear the message from his heart and be receptive and obedient to it and ask for help. That's the biggest, if you were never meant to do this alone. The biggest step is first submitting to God's will, finding out more about him and his love, because there's nothing else in this world that will beat it. And then find a good church. And if you don't have one word of God, james McManus, baby, I love him and his family. They're awesome.

Speaker 2: 1:06:35

Charles Stanley I called my spiritual father. He helped me through my worst parts. I know he is already with our heavenly father, but he has. There's something about his voice that's so calming and I can't even imagine how his son, andy, feels, because that's an amazing father, an amazing teacher. Yeah, but just start, just read. That's the best thing I can tell you to do. Well, the first thing is submitting and asking Jesus to come in your heart and he'll take you the rest of the way.

Speaker 1: 1:07:08

You don't need nobody else but him. That's what I would tell him. That's good, that's perfect. It's the truth. It's perfect because that's how I got here.

Speaker 2: 1:07:16

I bet that's probably how we all got here.

Speaker 1: 1:07:18

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:07:19

Yeah, united through the love of God, honey Through the love. Yes, ma'am, yes, jesus is the way.

Speaker 1: 1:07:31

The truth and the light. Yes, ma'am, it's so good. I know it is, oh golly, I just, oh, my god, I'm just full. This is so good yes, ma'am, I know I love this just talk with someone that loves god the way you love him you can't beat it no no, I know what.

Speaker 2: 1:07:51

I know the feeling, and not to feel like you have to put on a front, like you don't. You're just real and you know what they're saying. It's the truth because you lived it, you've been through it and you understand it yes, right, the world say real, recognize real.

Speaker 1: 1:08:05

that's's right, it's real.

Speaker 2: 1:08:07

Yes, ma'am yes.

Speaker 1: 1:08:09

And maybe the struggle is real.

Speaker 2: 1:08:11

Yes, it is it also helps knowing that somebody else is there with you in the fire, yes, but the most important thing is to know who's in the fire with you, because without him, baby, you will burn up. You will burn up and you will fail.

Speaker 1: 1:08:27

And you will fail, and you will fail. Some of us have to try all over again.

Speaker 2: 1:08:32

Over and over. But the most important thing is don't give up. Know that nobody's perfect. You're going to fall, but when you do fall, acknowledge what you did wrong and ask God to get you through it, learn the lesson and just keep going. I mean, that's life in a nutshell. That's life in a nutshell, yes, ma', what you did wrong and ask God to get you through it, learn the lesson and just keep going. Yeah, I mean, that's life in a nutshell.

Speaker 1: 1:08:50

That's life in a nutshell yes, ma'am, that's it. Well, thank you so much for coming on. You want to say a prayer? No, I'll let you do that, okay. Thank you all so much for listening to another interview, another experience.

Speaker 1: 1:09:11

Ms Carla has brought in so much love, light and the love of Christ with her, and it has truly blessed us. So we want you to be encouraged and inspired by her truth, her story and her transformation. As we pray for you, we ask that you just stand and believe that God has you and he wants you to silence the noise. So, heavenly Father, we thank you now for another day, another opportunity to just love, live and laugh and be in your glory and your grace. We ask that you forgive us, god, even when we can't forgive ourselves. We ask that you teach us to forgive ourselves. Forgive us for all the sins that we've committed unto you and unto others. Teach us how to forgive and forget, but not forget the lesson. Lord, we just thank you for your love and kindness. We ask that you come into our hearts, renew our minds, renew us and create a clean and right spirit, your spirit in us as we become new. Make us witnesses for you, for your glory. Make us stronger in you, lord, as only you can Teach us how to love again even the brokenhearted, as you heal us, god, help us to be seen by you, help those to see you in us as we love like you would love, as we would laugh like you would laugh, and we would cherish every moment as we're here, even going through the hard times.

Speaker 1: 1:11:01

God, we just thank you For every moment, every lesson. We ask that you continue to cover, keep, protect and let your guardian angels surround us and place hugs on those that need them at this moment. We ask all of these things in your son, jesus' name. Amen, amen, amen, amen. Oh, I just I love you. I love you too. I love you.

Speaker 1: 1:11:34

Oh God, if you are blessed by this episode at any point, I want to just take the time and just speak. God's incredible blessings over your life. I thank you so much for staying and listening and tuning in to this episode and I pray that your minds be renewed in Christ and your spirits are uplifted and you're feeling lighter and it's okay to love again. It's okay to stand on the word of God and move in faith and trust that everything that he promised belongs to you. Thank you so much for being a part of this episode. Thank you for allowing it to penetrate your heart and your mind, and I pray God transforms you and makes you new. Be blessed, walk in the favor of God, Know that you have dominion over every situation and every outcome. God bless you and we love you. Thank you.