The C.A.S.T.
S2 Ep3: Fatherhood in Faith: Personal Experiences and Challenges
Discover an intimate exploration of Christian fatherhood, where we share personal experiences about raising children in faith. It's a soulful journey of self-reflection that sheds light on the joys, challenges, and responsibilities that accompany this pivotal role in the home and community. As fathers, we're making a profound impact, not only on our children's lives but on the world around us. Remember this, 'If you want to change the world, go home and love your family'.
Fatherhood is a dance of challenges and triumphs. Each step follows a unique rhythm whether you're raising a son or a daughter. We delve into our personal journeys, sharing how we strive to set good examples and instill values in our children. Yet, it's not all about them. Emotional self-care is crucial for us fathers. Breaking away from societal expectations, we underline the importance of emotional well-being, advocating for men embracing vulnerability and community.
This episode is a blend of heart-warming stories, insights, and a touch of fun-filled trivia reflecting on the year each of us was born. We conclude with a heartfelt message to all fathers, acknowledging the profound responsibility of parenting. Rather than succumbing to anger in tough times, we encourage the art of adjusting behavior. There's no textbook for perfect fatherhood, but we've got each other's backs. We close the curtains with a prayer, seeking divine guidance in our parenting journey. Join us as we navigate this journey of Christian fatherhood together.
Discover an intimate exploration of Christian fatherhood, where we share personal experiences about raising children in faith. It's a soulful journey of self-reflection that sheds light on the joys, challenges, and responsibilities that accompany this pivotal role in the home and community. As fathers, we're making a profound impact, not only on our children's lives but on the world around us. Remember this, 'If you want to change the world, go home and love your family'.
Fatherhood is a dance of challenges and triumphs. Each step follows a unique rhythm whether you're raising a son or a daughter. We delve into our personal journeys, sharing how we strive to set good examples and instill values in our children. Yet, it's not all about them. Emotional self-care is crucial for us fathers. Breaking away from societal expectations, we underline the importance of emotional well-being, advocating for men embracing vulnerability and community.
This episode is a blend of heart-warming stories, insights, and a touch of fun-filled trivia reflecting on the year each of us was born. We conclude with a heartfelt message to all fathers, acknowledging the profound responsibility of parenting. Rather than succumbing to anger in tough times, we encourage the art of adjusting behavior. There's no textbook for perfect fatherhood, but we've got each other's backs. We close the curtains with a prayer, seeking divine guidance in our parenting journey. Join us as we navigate this journey of Christian fatherhood together.
Welcome to the cast and we're back with episode three of season two of the cast. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. I'm Jarrett, I'm Garth, I'm Mike. We hope you guys have enjoyed this season so far. We have changed up our format and flow of it a little bit so we've kind of added, instead of our halftime show, we have it's an outpost game show for a little fun and entertainment, and Mike is always the star of that. But thank you guys for tuning in. If this is your first time listening to us, we just want to say welcome. I do want to invite you to go check out our Facebook page and Instagram page, which is at the cast.
Speaker 2:We started this several months ago. In season one we kind of had a flow of the outline was C stood for calling a accountability, s with scripture and T is transparency. This season we're changing up a little bit. No specific flow, but we're going to try to cover all of these things. But our goal is to disciple all of our listeners through opening up the word of God through our personal experiences and just diving right in. But for this episode, garth, would you please open us up for the word of prayer.
Speaker 3:Let us pray Father, thank you for this day and for this time. We hope that everything we discuss is pleasing in your eye, and we hope that you just bless our listeners abundantly and assist us in discipling them. We pray these things in Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 2:Amen, All right. So for this episode. I know last time we talked about experiencing and knowing God. This one we're going to change the pace just a little bit and we want to want to talk to everybody here, but we really want to focus in on a specific thing. We're just talking about fatherhood, Garth, you want to add a little bit to that.
Speaker 3:Fatherhood Right. So I'd like to we're going to discuss the highs and the lows, obviously, our personal experiences and then what it looks like, in our faith, of raising Christian children.
Speaker 2:So before we jump into that, I think it would just be appropriate to kind of go around the table and just say how many kids you have and just kind of to let the listeners know kind of the experience that we're coming from.
Speaker 3:Okay, so I've got. If this were a spades hand, I'd have a six and a P. I got six kids, currently five girls, one boy and then one child on the way. Let's do in March.
Speaker 1:Mike, I have. So I have three, three kids. I've got a 15 year old and I have a 10 year old and actually he'll be 10. And then I have a five year old and then one on the way. But I also but two of my kids are almost blended, but they're two are adopted.
Speaker 2:All right, which I think will be important for this conversation. As we talk about it, what about you, trey?
Speaker 4:So I have one child. He is six years old. He just started kindergarten. Any on the way? None on the way. Don't drink the water.
Speaker 2:And then I have one little girl who just turned one a couple of months ago and so a little bit newer to the fatherhood of the group here. But yeah, so that's kind of our, our experiences. And you know, before, before we jump into too much of like our things, can we just talk about the importance of fatherhood for a minute? Anyone want to tackle?
Speaker 1:that first. I just know that and it's one of the first, I guess, responsibilities God gave us. It says you know, be fruitful and multiply in genesis. So it's you know, hey, it's kind of expected.
Speaker 3:In the order of our priorities in our life, our first priority is always God and our second priority is our wife to lead and disciple her, and then, after that, it's our children. So you know we're talking top three, right List of priorities and on a foundational thing, there are not words to describe how important it is that we get this right.
Speaker 2:So it's not something we should take lightly, right? You know, he has entrusted us to do these things. I think it's important, and when I when I think of fatherhood, we can go around a lot of different things, but when we want to look at it from a Christian perspective and the importance of Christian fathers in the home I don't have statistics but I've seen a lot of statistics and just the ones that are out there are staggering, and you know. But I did hear one thing one time that just has really stuck with me and it's one of the things where I think we all do what we do with the importance and the excellence that we do it with is because you know, someone had said you know what is the greatest discipleship program that there is? And they can talk about all these different books and these, these outlines and everything. And I was like, no, that's not.
Speaker 2:The greatest discipling program out there is to have Christian fathers disciple their home. And I believe that that is the greatest discipleship tool out there is to have men discipling their own families in their home. And then when those families are coming to church, you know they're serving, they're being part of the body, they're, they're, there's fruit from it. So when we talk about the importance of Christian fathers and fatherhood and things like that, yes, it is our third priority when you're the way that you break it down, but it is such a high level. If we could get this right, if we get this one thing right, I do believe that we would see a different level of discipleship within the church and within our communities and things like that. But it starts within our homes getting our homes right. So that's going to kind of be where we tackle it from today. As we look at this Garth, do you have any kickoff questions for us?
Speaker 3:You know, there was a quote that a wife found and it always stuck with me. It says that if you want to change the world, then go home and love your family. Right, that's where it starts. Mother Teresa said that. I think you know an interesting perspective is a strange take in the beginning, but the enemy right Satan, his primary target is the man, because if he can take the man down, and he can take down the entire family. So on the opposite end of the spectrum, though, like if you have a man that is sold out for Christ, you know the percentages of those kids being at church, right, the percentage of that wife being at church and for them to be growing in Christ. The numbers just are off the charts, right. Like if the man is involved, you know if he has a relationship with Jesus Christ, the fruit is abundant, right, it is very clear, and I don't know which way to go with this now. Those are just the thoughts that I had when we started. Well, let me ask you this what does fatherhood mean to you?
Speaker 3:It's a strange thing because, you know, I did not grow up in church, right, like I am not well versed, you know I'm not churched. You know I was wild. You know I did a lot of trouble and I think my parents are believers, you know, but like they did not have us in church, I remember VBS, you know. So my relationship with my heavenly father is more of been a season of, you know, my adult life, you know, and there's been instances, you know, when I was younger, where there were things where I felt like things were protecting me, you know, and I was definitely provided for. But, like, spiritually, it's been in these latter years, you know, where I've really gotten to experience that spiritual father, you know, that disciplines me, that protects me, and I see him in his presence more and more. It's real for me now, right, whereas then it was just words on the page. You know, wasn't real, mike what's fatherhood mean to you?
Speaker 1:I think I'm gonna take it from, like, when I think of fatherhood, like I think of my own dad and then like how my dad was with us. You know, I didn't grow up in church either, but my parents, they never stopped me. I think that they knew of God. I think that they, I think sometimes they just ran away from the experience of it sometimes, but so, but my dad was a good dad, Like he's still a good dad, and I find God awesome, and so I think so when I think of fatherhood, I think of my dad, but then when I think of me being a father, my again, my dad was not a bad dad at all, Like he's, like he set the bar and and it's a difficult bar to hit with my dad, you know like he set the bar high for us and so, and it's just being present, you know, like for me, being a father, like I want to be present, Like I struggle when I can't be at one of my kids' soccer games, you know so.
Speaker 1:So for me, I think, just being there, I want to be and I fail, but I want to be the best golly example to my kids, Like I want them when they look at me, I, when they think of Jesus and they think of a father, like I want them to like me, and my dad was a great representation of Jesus, and I know I fail, and they know I fail because they call me out on it sometimes, and especially my 15 year old, and so I want to, I want to be their protector, you know, and I want to, you know, I just want to, I want to be there with them and you know I just want to be there for them, you know, and that's so that. So for me, like it's, I want to be the best representation of Jesus and love them when I'm even mad at them.
Speaker 1:You know, Right, and that is difficult because we've got flesh.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So you know, we. The way I look at fatherhood is like yes, you will always be their dad no as long as you're allowed, as long as they're allowed, you will always be their dad.
Speaker 4:But really, you have a certain amount of time to to raise this child and every single day is important in that process. You can't waste the day, so for me it's. I've been given this tremendous responsibility to to raise this young man, my six year old, to be a man of God, and I think the best way for me that I and you know I'm not this Wiley veteran like Garth is. I don't have an 18 year old, I don't have a 15 year old like Mike, but for me it's to be there, for him it's to affirm him.
Speaker 4:I know that for me, like I know that I will never, I will never. I will correct him, I will punish him, but I will never speak down to him. I'll never like you know what's wrong with you. I don't ask that question. You know there's nothing wrong with you. You just made a mistake, so there's. I never want him. I want him to be a confident man of God when he turns 18. And, like you said, being the example, I want him to look back and say man, my dad showed me what it's like to live like Jesus. He failed, but when he failed he could admit it, he could apologize, he wasn't too prideful to say that he was wrong. So you know, every day, you can't waste the day. Every day is important.
Speaker 2:And there's something to learn in every day too. Oh yeah, and I like for me, when I look at fatherhood, I go back to a lot of times. In anything that we do, I always go back to what we know, to what we've experienced, to our encounters, and so, like I was fortunate, I did, you know, grow up in a good Christian home. You know parents always went to church and everything, and my dad was always, was there for me, especially as I got older, and you know we had a common interest in baseball and so he always coached me, he was always there with me. Sure, we had our disagreements, you know, as any once you get in your teenage years and well, I want to, you know, do it this way. But you know, looking back, and you know my dad, you know a lot of people come to my dad to do lessons and stuff with baseball. Looking back, I didn't always listen because I thought I knew what I was doing, and then you got all these people coming to him for his advice and stuff like that, and I learned so much from him. And I see, now that you know I'm a new dad right, I'm newer to fatherhood just 13 months into the whole thing I see myself. The example that was set before me is what is natural for me to do, and so you know, learning that and I look and you know, like you said, mike, like my dad said the bar high and you know I want to be able to do the things that my dad did with me and the examples that he set before for me. Like I want to be able to live up to that, like I want, when Sela gets older just like Trey talked about raising Spencer Like I want her to look up and be like man, I've got an awesome dad, you know. I've got somebody that loves me, that nurtures me, that cares for me.
Speaker 2:And as we're talking about this, it just kind of I want to ask another question. It's really going to be for Garth and Mike. First, we're all men here and so we all can look at it from how a guy feels about having a dad, right and what that looks like. But I want to talk about the difference for a moment, because all of our listeners they're listening, they're going to have sons and daughters and I want to talk about the difference in raising a son from a fatherhood perspective, of a son and a daughter Garth, if you want. I know you're well versed in the daughter field, but you do have one, one young as a son.
Speaker 3:Well, what do you want to hear first?
Speaker 2:That's up to you. This is going to be good.
Speaker 3:I got a lot of experience with daughters right. So with daughters and my you know experience, like when they're young they're extremely teachable. Like they are extremely obedient, they listen, they're quiet, they're calm, they're kind of low maintenance for the most part and a lot of my kids were. They're funny and you know, as a dad, you are their hero man. Like they may not always see it or you might not always see it, or they might not always show it, but when it comes down to it, like when their teacher asks them questions or their mom's talking to them about you, like you are their world and then a lot of respects.
Speaker 3:That's a double-sided thing because they're your world too. Right, that's your little girl. You know it's your job to protect her and provide for her boys. Well, let's see, let's finish girl. So when they get older, in the teenage years, you know it gets more challenging. I think you got to tighten up a little bit Some areas. Social media and phones are not helping us at all. They're always distracted. They get. This world has got them so caught up in their self-image and their likes and their followers and this image that they're trying to create for the world, for people that don't care right.
Speaker 3:It's just such an obstacle, you know, as a parent, to raise these kids and have to contend with this influence. But my biggest advice would be to you know, put your shoulder to the wind man, Put your nose to the grindstone and just stay consistent and do the best you can lean on the Lord Boys. So I only have experience with one boy. He's getting ready to turn six, but a dude's got a lot of energy man. He's like a German shepherd dude. You got to like work him. You know like you got to get him outside and run him. He's just got so much energy. He's such a high drive, it's so different from girls. He is a train wreck. You know like a lot of times. You know opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. You know boys, they can work a number on the mom man and you know they got him wrapped around their finger big time. So like a Whitney didn't mind when I disciplined the girls hard, right, you know like yeah, let him have it right.
Speaker 3:But, like when it comes to Rhett, like she's very protective of her boy, you know, and that's a relationship that's really special a mom and her son and he better not get in the middle of it, right? So, um, so I don't know what it's going to be like when he gets older. I'm sure we're going to butt heads a lot, you know. But when I'm harsh to him or, you know, when I discipline him somebody else said it, but I try to reinforce the fact afterwards you know that the reason I disciplined you was for a purpose and you need to never forget or ever doubt that I love you and I would literally lay down my life for you. Um, and that's kind of my take on my kids.
Speaker 1:I know, for me, um, I would, I would agree, I've got, you know, my, my 15 year old um, and you know, when she was younger, like she, just, you know she was my buddy, you know, and, and um, I'm saying she's still my buddy, but she's um, she's just different, you know, she's uh, uh, I think there's times where she's boy crazy and and I wanted to, like you know, just protect her and and when she was younger, like, it was easy, like you know, hey, help me with this, and she would, you know she'd be there to do it. And you know she knows how to lay floor and she knows how to remodel and like, so, so there's certain things that you know. She knows she doesn't mind grabbing a weed eater, uh, and helping out, um, but it's the, you know. And as she's gotten older, you know she's not really taking out the trash or you know, cause I don't want her to, and um, and so I. So I think, as she's gotten to become a teenager, it's the nightmare, uh, you know, just to, to be frank, like, I think it's.
Speaker 1:It's, there's a challenge, um, you know she's malvy, um, like the other day, uh, I got mad and I got frustrated. So she got mad and she got frustrated, so she was yelling. And then I was yelling and I said why are you can't talk to me that way? And? And then I said, just go to your room. And then, uh, and then I acknowledged, like what she was trying, her point that she was trying to get across. There was a way to get it across and I didn't receive it because of her attitude. And I was trying to apologize.
Speaker 1:Uh, the next morning, and I said, you know, you did bring up some valid points. Well, immediately out of her mouth was I know I brought up some valid point. I said, you know what? I was going to apologize, but now I don't feel like it. And so, and I was like, oh my gosh, this teenage girl, and um, and so that's, that's my but then, but then you get my boys.
Speaker 1:You know I've got two boys and one that's 10. And and you know they are rough. You know like I get like, you know, german Shepherd. You know they're just, they are. When they're younger, they are all over the place. They're wide, open, wild, and uh, and but as, as they're getting older, they get tamer. You know it's like okay, and like Carter made a joke, uh, you know, the other day I said, man, girls are just weird. And uh, and I was referring to the 15 year old, and he just looked at me and he goes. And he, just with his uh, with his eyes, he goes, um, he just looks up at me and he goes.
Speaker 1:I like to see you say that to me and say that, say that again when mom's in the room to tell me how that's going to go over for your dad. And he, just so, he's come into his own and he's just, he's just and he, you know, he's just as caring. He's just caring, little boy. And uh, and then you got Emerson and he's again, he's wide open and he's, you know, he's making a mess everywhere he goes, but it's not him making the mess and he gets his mama to clean it up after him. And uh, and then my wife said to me, jessica said she said, hey, you know, emerson, scared of you. I said, well, he should be Anna, cause he did. So I don't know, something fell and he just started crying and goes, dad's going to be really mad. And then she's like it's okay, we won't tell him.
Speaker 1:She's like dad's dad's going to spank my butt or something. And I said and someone's spank his butt on that. She's like yeah, well, he thinks you are. And I said well, it's, it's good, you know, it's good for boys to know.
Speaker 3:It was like Christmas story movie.
Speaker 2:It's going to kill.
Speaker 1:And so I think I think, um, you know, uh, uh, boys, I know boys become easier to raise, um and uh. And I always think about my sister and my twin brother and I think about us and how we were. My dad like, uh, my sister she's. She says she paved the way for us. No, no it, she didn't pave the way. We, just my brother and I, were just real easy as we got older and we were hyper and rambunctious when we were younger and uh and it, you know, they just we just mellowed out.
Speaker 4:I have all three of their boys and children's church. I can attest to the golden retriever. What did you call them?
Speaker 3:The German shepherds Got to work them.
Speaker 4:So with, uh, spencer, he, um, just it was, you know, he. You're talking about the thing you just had with your daughter and with Emerson. Even Spencer did something last weekend that, uh, we've been struggling with for a while. And, um, he, he did it again and he uh it. And it's not like it's a behavior thing, it's just something that we're working on. And he was, he, um, he did it again and he hit it. He hit it from us and Lacey found it I won't tell you what it is, but she found out what he had done and, uh, he just immediately melted down, immediately. So I and he was like I could hear him. He was like dad's, dad's, don't tell dad, don't tell dad.
Speaker 4:So I walked into his room and he said dad, I'm in trouble Cause he, you know, he, he just expected there to be this reaction. So I, uh, and and and we had, we know, we had corrected him several times and we had been starting with him and just nothing was working. So I just picked him up, I took him to the living room and I sat down with him and I said, hey, don't worry about punishment, just let's just talk. And we were able to sit there and discuss, like why he's doing what he was doing, and he was able to explain to me hey, this, I just this is why. So we've put a plan, you know, put a plan in place and all that stuff. So you know, he um it. It surprised him the way I reacted, because he I mean he, he thought it was, you know, he was about to be in big trouble and you know, and we did, we did punish him, but it wasn't in the way that he thought we were going to. But it just I learned a lesson that day. Just sometimes I just sat down with him, he calmed down and we were able to talk about. It doesn't always work that way. I acknowledge that doesn't always work that way.
Speaker 4:But then this past Wednesday, at a church, the kid, we had a theme and Our theme was future you. So all the kids came dressed up in what they want to be when they grow up. Well, spencer came up to me and he said dad, I need you to wear this, this, this and this to church on Wednesday night, says okay, and he wore the exact same thing that I wore. He wore the hat, the t-shirt, the khaki shorts, flip all of it, and and and. When it was his turn, he said I want to be just like my dad when I grow up.
Speaker 4:And Did you cry? Uh, you know I. I mean I got a little misty, but but that's the, that's the pressure of being His dad. You know, he wants to be just like me and that is a massive, massive, it's an honor, but man is it? It's heavy because it's like he is watching Everything I do. He's listening to every word I say. He's watching how I treat my wife. He's, you know, watching what I do around the house and my on my phone more often than I should mean. He sees all of that and he wants to be just like me.
Speaker 3:One day, God the father is gonna ask you about his daughter and his sons right and what you did with him. Yeah, what are you gonna? How are you gonna answer that?
Speaker 2:So like, I'm gonna be really brief because I have a 13 month old, so I don't have a Lot of experience, but I'm gonna follow up on something you said.
Speaker 2:But for me, I would say, with raising a dollar, something that I pray every day because you hit it right on the head is for her identity Is because things that drive me nuts more than anything is when, when females are so consumed with how they look and this and that like Well, you are made in the image of God and for, like my role and one of my biggest burdens for Sela as she grows older, one of my biggest responsibilities that I'm putting on myself is to make sure that, without a shadow of a doubt, no matter what's going on, that she knows that she's made in the image of God, that she doesn't have to, you know, put on a facade to appease people.
Speaker 2:You know, we're gonna raise her in the right way and that's that's one of my biggest things that I pray for every day Is that she is content in who she is and she knows where her value is correct, correct and it's not. Well, I don't look in that picture. So let's take it again, let's do it a different angle. Like it's who cares. You know, like that stuff is such a the identity part of it and it's just so vain, right like that. That's my thing is that right.
Speaker 4:Well, that's one reason why, when I talked about affirming Spencer, like you know, we correct, we punish, but I don't do that. What's wrong with you? Stuff? Or yeah, you know we don't, obviously we don't call him. Like you know, don't be stupid, don't you know that kind of stuff, because that stuff, meaning it, sticks with them. My dad thinks there's something wrong with me. There must be something wrong with me. I know it's easy, it's just one of those things you say, but it goes back to that in your identity. Like I Don't want him to doubt who he is in Christ.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:I've said things in anger and I've watched its effect on my kids killed.
Speaker 2:I wish I could take it back.
Speaker 3:Yep, you can't yeah you can have a conversation, you can apologize, and you better apologize right afterwards. Yeah, you got to. You got to be accountable for the things you say and you need to speak close to the mic.
Speaker 1:So I'll tell you something. So I preached, you know, a few weeks ago and and it was on the app. So you know, jessica went back and she was, she was watching. The very next day, she, she watched it and and Emerson was laying in bed. He was like I want to hear daddy, I want to hear daddy.
Speaker 1:And so, well, I told a story about Emerson in this and you know, and I said, I said yeah, you know riding this tricycle up this mountain. And I said, but in the back of my head I was like I know we can't do it and I'm just care. And he was like, he just looked at me. I said, did I do it? And I said, yeah, buddy, sure did. And then I felt horrible. Jessica just looked at me. I was like I felt horrible because I wasn't thinking he was gonna listen to that little Joker. He fell asleep watching, so at least I know I can put him to sleep. He fell asleep watching watching me preach and but it was, but it was one of those things like, oh my gosh, like even even things that I say as an example, or and it may get back to him, and so I need to guard, you know, and you know, being a father, I got to guard my, my mouth, even even around other people.
Speaker 2:So I'd love to go, because it kind of follows up on that too. One, I'd like to bring some scripture into this as well, so if you guys have any scripture. But I want to phrase this question because I believe this is important to a lot of fathers and this is important to any women that are listening as well, because this is what goes through your husband's mind, right, these type of things, these thoughts, these feelings, and so being able to walk alongside them and encourage them right Through this fatherhood journey. But you said something that that is your, that it is a lot of responsibility, like that's one of your biggest things of knowing that Spencer's always watching everything that you do. So let's tackle it from this perspective.
Speaker 2:How do we handle that load? Because if we're not careful, that's where a lot of fathers check out and leave. Yeah, right, they feel that responsibility. They don't have anyone to to open up to, they don't have the accountability side of it, and if you're not careful, that weight can become so crushing that you do one or two things. You run from it, right, it's the fight or flight, right, that you, you flee from it, or that you fight it so hard that you just lose your mind and you can go off on your kids and you don't have that clarity. So how that burden, that weight that dads may be feeling of the responsibility of raising your kids and trying to raise them, you know, in a Christian environment how do we tackle that? How do we handle that burden? How do we handle that weight?
Speaker 4:I mean it might sound like a cop out or a cliche, but I think that you know you have to. You have to have your priorities and check. I Think, as you pursue Christ, as the you know is number one priority in your life, and you lean on the Holy Spirit to be your helper, to be your comforter, to be your power source, you know that is. That is what I believe Alleviates a lot of the not the, not the responsibility that you feel, because you will always feel that and if you don't, I think you're doing it wrong, but the overwhelmingness of it. You know Paul told his is, you know his, follow me as I follow Christ, and and I, and if I am following Christ and I am, I am lined up with his word. I can look over my shoulder and say, spencer, follow me as I follow Christ, and I can say it with confidence and I can say it with with no doubt that, hey, I am going after Jesus with all I have and I'll, and you come with me good.
Speaker 3:You know you're not alone. You know tell, tell God your thoughts. You know tell God your struggles, your weaknesses. You know talk to him about these things. You know you're doing it with him right, like in partnership with your father, your spiritual father, your heavenly father. And then, if you're fortunate to have married an angel like me, you get this wonderful woman right to do it with and you know you're not alone. And if you don't have that relationship with Christ, I Don't know how you do it. I sleep, not up, and not the right way, not without the source, I think. If you need to, if you want to understand love we talked about this before you have got to get to the source to do it right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I you know. If you look at Colossians 321, fathers do not provoke your children unless they become discouraged. And then there's another one that-.
Speaker 3:Ephesians 6, 4, same thing fathers, do not provoke your children.
Speaker 1:And then Proverbs 22, train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it. And then, you know, I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. And so, like some of the time, what you were saying, garth, is that, and even Jared, like I think it's easy for guys, for anybody, you know that it's easy to lash out at the weaker when we're struggling, because it's hard. It's difficult to lash out at somebody that's maybe you know this maybe stronger, or somebody that you know that's got reason. You know that.
Speaker 1:And I think that, guys, we, you know, we've got a lot going on in our heads. You know there's a lot of responsibility, especially, you know the one. Even you know, guys, you got a lot going on, like you're taking care of your kids, you're trying to provide for your family. You're, you know, you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders and you're not talking about it. You're not talking to people, you're not. And so you know, plugging into the source, and so you know wives, you know. Or spouses, you know, cut your spouse a break every now and then, like it's, like hey, just because you may not see something on the outside. They're struggling internally. I guarantee you they're struggling with something and it may because they is there. Enough money in the bank Is there. You know where's the next meal coming from? Do I got to go get another job? And I think you know, I think that they're. You know, am I being a good dad?
Speaker 1:And I think when it's easy to lash out at the ones that are younger and it's not fair to them, but I think it's important for the for for to have an outlet. You know, go hang out with some like-minded folks that say, hey, you know what, I need some me time, you know, because I need to get in the word. You know, join a small group, something that's going to be beneficial for you, even even it's just hanging out on a golf course or hanging out, you know playing, you know cornhole or whatever. It is going to a barbecue and just fellowshiping with other other dads or other believers and just saying you know what I'm just gonna. I need a break Because, because when you come back from a break, you're refreshed and you're even even when life is and you feel like the weight of the world on your shoulder sometimes. You just got to get away for, for just a couple hours. Do something for you, so that way you don't lash out on everybody else.
Speaker 2:I think it goes hurting people, hurt people and that gives it. It's that simple, and I think this culture has created a facade for men that men have to be this big, gruff, tough, conceal everything. Right, you can't have. That's the furthest thing from the truth. Like, yeah, like we're gonna be full of testosterone, we're gonna be men, sure, but we've gotta be able to have, like you said, those outlets. You know, be a part of a men's group, be a part of a men's ministry, that's, you know, that's challenging you, that's holding you accountable. You know, when you have the moments that pressure's coming up, you've gotta be able to know, like you guys have talked about the source and that's spot on. But like you gotta have people, like you gotta have people in your corner, you gotta be able to open up to women. Have no problem, right, women will call up all their girlfriends and have a ladies night and they come back feeling all better. Guys will be like, oh, I'm just gonna go cut the grass.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm gonna go throw some meat on the grill like it's one of those things which is great, that for a lot of yes, that will help you decompress and everything, but you've gotta be able to have guys on your side, like you've gotta be, your irons gotta continually be sharpened because if not hurting people, you'll become a hurting person and you will hurt people. That's just. That's the reality of it. And I do wanna share one scripture in 1 Thessalonians, chapter two, verse 11 and 12, it says for you know that we dealt with each other, we dealt with each of you. As a father deals with his own children.
Speaker 2:I think this right here just shows us how we should encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and his glory. And so, when we have those moments of frustration, are we being enough right? Are we being a good father? Are we being a good Christian father? Are we discipling our kids? I think we've gotta go back to what Paul is saying here, that we're to do it encouraging, comforting and urging and those are the three things that, if we can look at, you know, do those things, even in our moments of that pressure, that we feel that weight, that we feel on our shoulders, that we're doing these things and trusting in his word and trusting the promises of God and knowing those things and just getting a community around us that can really help with that.
Speaker 2:So I think, to close out this episode, I wanna try to go real quick into just a quick mode of transparency, because I believe through our experiences and transparency people will learn, people will be able to gravitate and relate to it and know that you know we're all the same, we all feel and struggle with the same emotions and thoughts, and then we'll get into our fun post-game show. But we're gonna end with a note of transparency. So I'm just gonna ask this question can you name one and try to do it for time, state pretty quickly can you name one moment where you have looked in your life and you can say I messed up as a father, I messed up as a dad and how you overcame that? Because a bunch of people listen to me like man, I have messed up big time and I you know mess ups are gonna happen, but it's how you respond to that and it's how you handle that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it wasn't like one day. This was like years of behavior. But I used to be ruthless, you know, and this is a product of war. I was angry man for a long time and my kids got the business end to me and how I overcame that was, you know, this relationship with Jesus Christ. The healing that he gave to me was patience and, in place of violence and rage, you know, I was able to learn love and that's been a big difference maker and my kids would testify all the time like dude used to be right. They tell the younger kids like dude, you don't remember what dad was like back then when he was you know, baghdad, garth, right.
Speaker 2:Like Baghdad, throw stuff right Like get in there.
Speaker 3:Do that now, like I said. So you know, I was ruthless, right Like kids walking on eggshells, and the Lord helped me immensely.
Speaker 1:Amen, mine. There's a moment and for me, I still struggle with it, but I still struggle with the way that I failed and it was. I don't know if you know I don't think Jessica knows this, but I was helping out with homework and it was Carter and Carter. You know, carter doesn't share his feelings a lot of the times, you know. You just know when he gets upset, you know, and he was struggling with homework and I was struggling because I didn't know it.
Speaker 2:No, Was it geography?
Speaker 1:I was struggling because we had to go. That's a low blow, because we had to go somewhere. No, I know the States and so anyway. So I was struggling because I knew that we had, like, we had to go somewhere and but he had to get his homework done and he didn't do it in daycare and so I was getting, I was just getting mad. I was like, come on, man, and I was like, and just having to repeat over and over well, if you have to repeat it over and this, you know hindsight's 20, 20, if I have to repeat it over and over again, that means that I'm not communicating it right. You know, there's a chance that it's not. It's not that he's not getting it. Maybe I gotta change the way I communicate.
Speaker 1:But it got to a point where I just didn't stop and think and I got mad. And but I wasn't, I didn't say anything, mean, I didn't say it's just my tone. And he started crying and he got choked, I started watering and he's just like you know, and I said, and I just stopped. I said, bud, let's come back to it, let's just take a break. And now I, you know, when I help him with homework, I'm always reminded of that moment and I'm just like no, like hey, it's all right, let's take, let's just knock out three problems, let's just see what this looks like and then come back to it. And it breaks my heart because I reacted the way the first time, but I fixed it.
Speaker 3:Failure is a powerful motivator. Man.
Speaker 1:Cause I don't want to be the reason why my kids cry.
Speaker 4:For me. I don't know that it's necessarily a moment, just as much as Something. I just have to keep myself aware of Just being intentional With the time that you, that you spend with your kids, with my kid from everyone.
Speaker 3:But the prior to prior Prior priority?
Speaker 2:well it's just prioritized.
Speaker 4:There's so much, so much stuff that wants your attention. There's so much stuff that wants your attention. Yeah, you know, and and you, and if you're not careful you will fall into a hole, and then it's bedtime and you've wasted an evening right. Yeah, and, and then it's a man. There's an I got. Just like I said earlier, every day is important. They're not making any more time, right, you know?
Speaker 4:and you don't get that back, you know and but being intentional with putting down the, turning the TV off, putting your phone down, go outside, play. You know that kind of stuff. So I think for me, if there's anything that I wish, that if I could rewind to those days, I would do them differently, just because every day, like every day, is important, because you don't you know what is it? What do they say, the? The days are long, but the years are short.
Speaker 4:My son is somehow six years old, right I just it's hard for me to even wrap my head around that I have an adult it's crazy, like for me it's the same thing, especially with a 13 month old.
Speaker 2:You know, the time is the most important because it goes so fast you know it's like overnight they go from.
Speaker 2:She's crawling to walking and and just the last couple weeks, especially me Alexis have talked about just her personality. Really she's hilarious and the things that she does. But I remember earlier, earlier on, especially where I felt like I failed, was missing a lot of bedtimes and and Missing those moments, especially once she started saying dad, dad, like Alexis would send me a video or try to FaceTime me so we could kind of do our bedtime routine and she's just like she's asking About you. She's just saying dad, and like pointing everywhere, looking for me because she's waiting for me to come.
Speaker 4:I don't kill you and that that was.
Speaker 2:But it was missing a couple of those. I knew there. I knew there would be seasons, I knew there would be moments where we had late night meetings and things like that. We're be back to back, but as those things are like, alright, I'm gonna do everything I can't, at least not miss bedtime, like in those moments. And so for me, I felt like I felt in that area for a little bit, but we had a heart-to-heart and said, okay, I can be better. I think that's the reality is that we all can be better, you know, but we don't know what the air is are until we do an evaluation of where we felt like we've we've messed up and so so that's that's part of it for me, like of overcoming. It was okay, these things aren't more important than this. Right, it'll still wait that phone call, can you know?
Speaker 1:you can call them back, you can text them back, you can email them back, like, put your phone down, be present with, with your family and something I noticed is that when you really like you know, I remember you telling me that you were struggling with that and you, you, you guys, found a solution and so I know that even you know wherever we're at or wherever like, if it's 8 30, we know. Like I, like, I know the hate if that FaceTime calls Jared is walking to another room to pray Over his baby and he is in there doing bedtime. You know, and it's you. Stop what you're doing. You don't care who you're talking to and so that you know you, you adjusted to you know you're still there. You know, you know, even though you may want to be there, but it's, but you making the most of it.
Speaker 2:Like, well, I know like Wednesday nights is gonna happen every Wednesday night, that's just, that's the reality. Yeah, and that's fine. And so you know you when life gives you lemons make lemonade make lemonade.
Speaker 4:All right, so let's get into our post game show. I have put together a little game with the help of AI chat. Gpt has helped us out once again.
Speaker 3:I think they should just.
Speaker 4:Sponsor.
Speaker 2:Trace. Creativity must be doing delay. Well, it's just so simple. It's a time saver.
Speaker 4:Yeah, all right. So what I've done is we are going to do Some trivia today based on the year that you were born. Since we were I don't know I felt like it fit, since we're talking about fatherhood and kids.
Speaker 2:You know the year you're born, that kind of thing Sure done like the year your youngest was born.
Speaker 4:But that would have been really been fair. 2022 trivia exactly so fresh All right well. I mean you saw the upper hand. It was the most recent. Well, you do, I'm not playing. I'm getting older man, it's gonna be like all right, so you know when Moses was your squad leader army. Yeah, speech and pet never mind. So, garth, you are, oh, oh the oldest not all, just the oldest in the room, I'm sorry, midpoint yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:Okay, I.
Speaker 1:Like being part of mid-fifth also midpoint yeah.
Speaker 3:Jared. No, I don't like your job. Do you like your job?
Speaker 1:I'm sorry. We're looking at careers and thinking about retirement.
Speaker 2:You know like hey, how's that? For a little you got that 8% this year.
Speaker 3:You're talking about the a word arthritis.
Speaker 2:Accountability.
Speaker 4:Spirit of silliness come over me there, jared and I still have five years left in the young adults.
Speaker 2:All right, let's get this show on the road, All right so trivia guards you until everybody.
Speaker 4:What year you were born?
Speaker 3:the year of our Lord 1982.
Speaker 4:My boy.
Speaker 3:That boy is a bold English.
Speaker 4:Like you until by year. What year you were born? 85 and then Jared 1985.
Speaker 2:Mike was born at 2085. He's living in the future.
Speaker 4:Just take your headphones off. She can't hear us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm nice 1993.
Speaker 4:All right, so real old. There are three questions For each of you. All right, let's go. All right, garth. First question Yep, I the tiger was released in the year 1982. It became the theme song for what iconic movie, rocky. Which one? Two First, one, rocky three.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh there is no tomorrow.
Speaker 3:Alright, speaking to the microphone yeah.
Speaker 4:All right, mike, if I'll be disappointed if you don't get this.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll be disappointed. I'll be disappointed.
Speaker 4:Prepare for disappointment, all right. What iconic Science fiction film released in 1985 that was directed by Robert Zemeckis.
Speaker 1:I don't know who that is, but um, just call me. I was gonna be a ET, wasn't a T that was a spiel.
Speaker 4:It was over.
Speaker 1:It was not, but I think but I think ET came out in 1985. It did not. It didn't when it come out.
Speaker 4:I can't tell you 1993. Is that, like the movie Was back to the future?
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker 2:I thought you would have gotten that. I did too. I want to.
Speaker 4:I like you know it's funny. Is I really like that movie?
Speaker 1:I know I thought I really thought you know, I didn't realize that came out then.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I thought it came out like the 90s. All right, Jared. What iconic sci-fi movie directed by Steven Spielberg came out 1993, wow ET. Thought you were gonna be clever. It was Jurassic Park.
Speaker 2:Hey, you gotta admit, though, that was set up perfectly that's why, that's why I just oh, he came out in
Speaker 4:1982 hey Garth, what a science fiction movie directed by Steven Spielberg came out in 1982.
Speaker 3:I want to go on a limb here.
Speaker 2:ET, you gotta be kidding me. What are the odds?
Speaker 3:That is one point for you. What are the odds that boy up like Mackinac's row.
Speaker 2:How funny would it be if it was something else I was
Speaker 3:waiting for the failure. Mike's a man.
Speaker 1:It came out in 1982.
Speaker 3:What are the odds of you saying that at this time?
Speaker 1:I thought you're gonna move on from movies like they move on to something else.
Speaker 4:Clearly not, mike, yeah here we are ready, we're gonna go AI. What I had to go like, 80s, every one. What iconic sitcom Release, the 1985 starring Michael J Fox, oh um, as a conservative news anchor, I believe was what he was beat me in 1985. That was the year you were born.
Speaker 1:And he said he would. I don't think that came out in nine and eighty five according to chat.
Speaker 4:Gpt this show did yeah, five seconds.
Speaker 1:I don't know family ties. Oh, I wasn't, he was in another. He was in another news, like they've re released. They did not a re release, but they did something else with him later.
Speaker 4:Jen, I really hope you get this. Okay, I'm ready. Who won in 1993. Who won the Nobel Peace Prize for their work in ending apartheid in South Africa? Was apartheid, it's a major, major, major, major conflict. Nelson Mandela, yes, thank God.
Speaker 2:Nice. I struggle to come up with the nails. I saw his face. There's hope I could see him. I was like what is his name?
Speaker 4:All right, last question ET yes.
Speaker 2:What's an ET? No, I'm sorry, what is ET?
Speaker 4:For three hundred 1982, right, all right, garth. Final question from 1980. Don't look at my notes.
Speaker 1:I can get the answer, just give it a second.
Speaker 4:Which I could just look it up for him. Which iconic? Did you know which iconic British pop group released the album Rio? I'm surprised you're thinking I thought you would have this Rio.
Speaker 1:One Direction.
Speaker 3:British and 82 pop group.
Speaker 2:To one, I could think of One.
Speaker 4:Direction is like Duran Duran. Yes, it was. It was Sometimes stupid guys are smart. What's, I don't know. I'm hoping I can by say Mike has never experienced that. All right, mike, let's get on the board. Here you ready.
Speaker 3:Didn't know. I played drums, did you mind?
Speaker 2:Oh gosh there's no way, all right, go ahead.
Speaker 4:I'll be. I'll be in. Okay, ready we go. Which astronaut was the first female to do a spacewalk in 1985? I?
Speaker 1:got a stupid joke, I'm gonna say it Um, thank you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, she's not. Look, this is not a name that you. This is a name you've heard. It's not like there's some random person. You should know this name.
Speaker 1:Um, I should know the name, mm hmm, um, I don't know, is it like a common name? I mean, it's a, it's a name that you've heard.
Speaker 4:Like it's. It's a common historic name from the 80s. I don't know.
Speaker 1:Sally ride? I don't know, I did not know that.
Speaker 4:What ride Sally?
Speaker 1:Is that what? It is that I'm sure, I'm sure was influenced by that, but no, she was an astronaut. That right, right, all right.
Speaker 4:Jared, there are two answers to this question. Okay, unfortunately, I just I didn't know how to word it without giving it away, so you just have two options to get it right. What iconic animated Disney movie premiered in 1993?
Speaker 1:Okay, oh, I know that one Is this a you need. It's you Toy.
Speaker 4:Story. I think that was 94. It was Lion King. It was Lion King. Those were the two eyes between and or lad. I think that was the first one, I think that was the first one. I think that was the first one. Those were the two eyes between and or lad.
Speaker 2:For some reason I was thinking to a story.
Speaker 4:There's 94. I believe All right Congratulations.
Speaker 1:You got.
Speaker 4:You can thank your assistant Mike.
Speaker 1:It's good call for Googling.
Speaker 2:Hey guys, he came out.
Speaker 3:I feel like this is important. It is retained for the next 30 seconds.
Speaker 4:Even as funny as that was, the best one was when I asked Jared.
Speaker 2:he was so confident I was like oh my gosh, that was a rapid. Yeah, he was a great, that was a great.
Speaker 3:Indiana.
Speaker 4:Jones also came out in 85. I think great.
Speaker 1:Mike, the first one, thank you for that insight, I'm going to Google it, all right. All right, well, hey, listen, thank you guys.
Speaker 2:So much for tuning into this episode to all you dads out there.
Speaker 2:I hope that you guys have been encouraged by this. Keep being the man that you are. Get involved in a men's ministry, a men's group. It is important. Just continue to you know, not get caught up in the things that you do wrong, but know that tomorrow is coming and it's a new day, and learn from it. Continue to just be encouraged and go down that road. We hope that you have enjoyed this until next time. I'm Jared, I'm Garth, I'm Mike and it was an 81. And I'm Trey. Yeah, that was great, mike. Could you close this in front of me? Yeah, that was great, mike. Could you close this in prayer please?
Speaker 1:Yeah, heavenly Father, we just thank you for this day. Lord, I pray that you just be with us this week and be with our listeners, and just in prayer, thank you.