A Common Life
Welcome to A Common Life where Morgan and Taylor offer month-by-month gardening advice to help your garden thrive. We also share our personal journey in seasonal living, aiming to foster a deeper connection with others, nature, and our Creator. Our hope is to encourage and equip others who are on a similar journey and to provide a space for community around these ideals.
A Common Life
Podcast Book Series: Home-Making by J.R. Miller. Ch. 3 The Wife's Part
"Can selecting the right life partner truly set the course for a lifetime of happiness or heartache? Join us as Morgan takes the wheel, exploring the profound themes of JR Miller's "Homemaking," specifically chapter three, "The Wife's Part." With Taylor's insightful commentary, we address listener feedback and delve into the delicate art of choosing a spouse who fulfills the deepest needs for love and companionship. We candidly discuss our own marriage journey, acknowledging that it's a continuous work in progress while offering personal insights that might resonate with your experiences too.
Explore the essence of what it means to be a true wife in marriage. We examine the core tenets of faithfulness, trust, and how these powerful traits can elevate a relationship to new heights. Through the wisdom of Proverbs 31, we highlight how genuine submission and mutual respect can inspire love and openness within a marriage. This conversation isn't just about fulfilling roles; it's about discovering how a wife’s influence can profoundly impact her husband’s life and heart, creating a harmonious and supportive partnership.
The discussion doesn't stop at the front door. We navigate the valued tradition of homemaking and its significance, especially in families with young children. Within our social circles, staying at home as a mom is a common choice, bringing its own set of challenges and rewards. We emphasize the nurturing power of creating a warm, welcoming home environment and reflect on the wife's role as a beacon of mercy beyond her household. As we explore the joy found in domestic management and the strength derived from love and faith, we encourage our listeners to embrace their unique gifts. Be sure to subscribe and stay tuned for our upcoming discussions on the pivotal role of parents in the family dynamic."
Thanks JenkinsAI for an excellent summary.
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Music on the podcast was composed by Kevin Dailey. The artist is Garden Friend. The track is the instrumental version of “On a Cloud”
Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of A Common Life Podcast. I'm your host. Actually, Morgan is going to be your host this episode. I'm Taylor. I'm here with my beautiful bride, Morgan, Hello, and in this episode we're going to be talking about the wife's part, chapter three of Homemaking by JR Miller. This is episode number four in the book series that we're doing in this book and we've gone over the introduction, the wedded life, the husband's part, and now we're talking about the wife's part. Morgan's going to be leading the show on this one. She's got the book in her lap and we should get another book for myself.
Speaker 3:We need another book we definitely need another book.
Speaker 1:But I'm going to be sitting off to the side. She's going to be kind of leading, asking questions and I'll be providing color commentary. Okay, but before we do that, we did get some feedback, so we had some listeners give us some feedback.
Speaker 3:Why are you smiling? I?
Speaker 1:don't know, and the first feedback we got was that they liked when we read. Okay. From the author. They liked hearing from the author. Okay. So if you don't like that, let us know. Otherwise we're going to keep rolling with it so we can read from the author. They liked that. The other feedback was that sometimes there's there's like dead spots and the editor need to take care of that well, yeah, that would be the editor, which is me.
Speaker 1:Um, but I try to not have a really heavy hand with editing. I can see the dead spots, but if I go through and tighten up everything to me sometimes we can lose the authentic-ness of it. I try not to have a heavy hand. I edit out the big gaps that we have. Or if there's just a huge fumble, you know that's obvious that we need to edit that out. Um, but I could probably tighten some areas up better to make it flow. I mean, we don't rehearse this stuff. We don't like. We literally just get the kids down. We've been recording at night and we run into this with, you know, our hair on fire we sit down and we jump into it.
Speaker 1:So sometimes the flow is, you know, we're not the most seasoned, so I don't know. I think it could be a little. I think it might be a little slow for some people, but I think that's just the way it's going to be for right now. Yeah, so if it's too slow for you, I think I understand just the way it's going to be for right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so if it's too slow for you, I think I understand my feelings won't be too hurt if that's you and you don't want to listen, but if you make it through with us Long pause, long pause. And you know, the more I listen to those notebook LLM people, it's like man, they're so good, it's because they're computers. They are, they're not real, they're not human. I feel like, yeah, if I ever get a tattoo, I think the first one I get would just be like a type font, like a typewriter font of human. Yeah, somewhere like on my forehead.
Speaker 3:You've told me that before. Yeah, not on your forehead. Yeah, like right across my forehead. Okay, identify me as a human. Yeah, I want to get matching ones, but you don't want to. I'm not convinced. Yeah, I have to find the perfect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, all right, let's do this all right.
Speaker 3:So, oh, I wanted to give a caveat first and just say we are in no way like Speak for yourself. I don't want to say like giving advice, but like I don't want anyone to get the idea that we have a perfect marriage. You know what I mean. Like I don't think anyone to get the idea that we have a perfect marriage. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Like I don't think they think that All these things that we're talking about and we hit on are not. It's not like oh yeah, I got that check, you know. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:And there are parts in here that you need to work on. Yeah, and that you need to work on, yeah, and that you need to work on. But it's like we're kind of just leading people through the book. So there are places like in here that's like, oh, that's tender to our specific marriage, but we're not going to like, we're not going there. Air our dirty laundry, no, we're not going there. Air our dirty laundry, no. But there are some things that really hit home and resonate, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I agree, our marriage is not perfect and I don't think we're trying to posture ourselves as experts. I think we're just trying to show up authentically, talk about the book and how it blessed us and have some thoughts on it and share the goodies that are in it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay. Well, I just wanted to say that. No that was good, okay. So one thing I really like about this guy guy it seems like in each chapter so far is that he has made how important choosing your life partner is very clear. Like he starts off the wife's part talking about, he says it is a high honor for a woman to be chosen from among all womankind to be the wife of a good and true man. She is lifted up to be crowned queen.
Speaker 3:Like it like it how he calls women queens. He does that through the whole chapter. But he says before you get married, a woman may well pause before she gives her hand in marriage and inquire whether he is worthy to whom she has asked to surrender so much, whether he can bring true happiness to her life, whether he can meet the cravings of her nature for love and for companionship. I really liked that that we have our nature craves love and companionship and to really sit with, you know, before you're married. Because I don't think, I don't know how it was back in 1882 when he wrote this, but marriage has become more flippant, because if you don't like that person after a year you can just you know. It's not as sacred as it used to be, I don't think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think it's as sacred, and I think sometimes young people it's just what you do, Right exactly?
Speaker 3:It's just the next step.
Speaker 1:It's the next step. Now it's time to get married. I've been to college.
Speaker 3:I've been dating this person.
Speaker 1:And the next step, naturally, is to get married. Nobody's perfect, so I'm dating this person and it's not perfect, but, yeah, let's just we get married now. That's the next thing we do.
Speaker 3:Right. So I love how he says like is he worthy of what I am asked to? Cause he's about to go in what the wife's part is and it's a high calling. And so for him to say, okay, is this person going to meet the cravings that my nature has for love and companionship? Is he worthy to be lifted to the highest place in her heart and honored as a husband should be honored?
Speaker 3:She must ask these questions for her own sake, else the dream may fade with the bridal wreath and she may learn, when too late, that for he for whom she has left all and for who she has given all, is not worthy of the sacred trust and has no power to fill her life with happiness, to wake her heart's cords, to touch her soul's depths. It's just because the rest of the chapter does lay out I mean, some parts of the wife's parts are very I mean, some parts of the wife's parts can be self-sacrificing. So if the person that you choose to be in marriage with and you want to live life this way, where you're both stepping into your roles, it's going to be a whole lot harder to lay down your life and do these things and honor this man if he's not worthy.
Speaker 1:Read that last part if he's not like strumming your heart chords, Something like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, if he has no power to fill her life with happiness, to wake her heart's chords, to touch her soul's depths, yeah like if the man can't touch her soul's depths.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like if the man can't touch your soul's depths and string your heart cords, it's like if you didn't have the power to do that maybe not, and okay, so then he turns the coin. Maybe you should reconsider. Maybe you should Not take the easy path. Okay, so, but for real. For real. Okay.
Speaker 3:So then he turns the question and he asks from the other side Can she be a true wife to win who asks for her hand? Is she worthy of the love that is laid at her feet? Can she be a blessing to the life of him who would lift her to the throne of his heart? Will he find in her all the beauty, all the tender loveliness, all the rich qualities of nature, all the deep sympathy and companionship, all the strengthful, uplifting love, all the sources of joy and help which he seems now to see in her? Is there any possible future for him which she could not share? So he's just saying like okay, both sides, you know think about it, do a serious assessment.
Speaker 3:Yeah, long pause, long pause, sorry. So yeah, each questioning their own souls, am I ready for?
Speaker 1:this, okay, and then he goes hey, don't feel rushed, it's's fine.
Speaker 3:I can edit some of the long pauses out. Okay, long pause, you've got to stop that. Okay, so she's questioning her own soul, um, because she's asking him to question his own soul for her. So let's see. Okay, so this was interesting. He says the true. You highlighted this part. The true wife needs to be no mere poet's dream, no artist's picture, um, no lady for little use. What do you think about that?
Speaker 1:What do you think about that? Well, I think of a wife that is capable, competent in what she's responsible for, takes ownership of her realm and believes in her duties and in her role and in her purpose as a wife, as a partner, as a helpmate. She is attractive. She's an attractive mate partner. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he talks about being like the difference in prudence and extravagance. Um, but one of the first essential elements in a wife, he says, is faithfulness. And then he quotes Proverbs 31 about the heart of her husband. Doth safely trust in her Perfect confidence is the basis of all true affection. A shadow of doubt destroys the peace of married life, which I think we have found that to be so true. I think that's so true that Tell me if I'm wrong but like for a man To know that his wife has all the things covered that are in her role and you know, you talk about that and decide what that is for your marriage, but to know that you can safely put that in her hands and trust her takes a load off of you.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's from less looking at the wife being faithful to the being committed to the marriage and, in all of that, being faithful in the daily duties at home, but also, just like faithful, faithful in the marriage. Yeah. And I'm not just talking about infidelity, but being dependable and faithful in all areas, like in the marriage.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a big deal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, read's a big deal. Yeah, read what he said. He says like a shred of If you. What did he say? Like a shred of doubt can wreak havoc.
Speaker 3:What I just read? Yeah, a shadow of doubt destroys the peace of married life. Yeah, so he says a true wife, by her character and by her conduct, proves herself worthy of her husband's trust he has confidence in her affection.
Speaker 1:He knows that her heart is unalterably true to him see like he's talking about not so much the duties in the home. He's talking about the affection and the heart of the wife being faithful toward her husband. And if a husband feels like his wife's heart and affection is like wavering or not faithful, that can just destroy a man can really make a. You know, go from like peaceful seas to like really stormy waters in the heart yeah, he the influence of a woman, yeah, on her husband.
Speaker 3:I mean he, he talks like there's no higher influence on a man, definitely not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, women don't realize the power they have over their husbands.
Speaker 1:I really don't think that we do and it's not in the way the world says you should have power. It's like you know, you have the most influence, and he doesn't really put it this way. So this is like off the cuff have the most influence, and he doesn't really put it this way. So this is like off the cuff, but like you know. Um, but like whenever a woman I I feel this way, whenever a woman submits to her husband in that posture, there's power. It makes me want to do whatever you want, give you whatever you want, whenever I feel your like humble submission to to me, like you're trying to serve me and all that I'm like. It makes me want to give you whatever you want and like open up my heart to every chamber you know, give you access to all of it yeah and that's, I think, where there's real power in it.
Speaker 1:But it can't be a fake submission. That is manipulation and deceit and that will cause a man's heart to just totally lock up and the trust will be broken. So it has to be like true submission, humble submission, not for power, but with that comes influence and power and a husband, that is.
Speaker 3:It's like with gentleness, yeah, with gentleness.
Speaker 1:From the woman. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, coming like with gentleness and true, like a true wanting to know your heart, like you're saying it's not a doing it out of manipulation, because I know if I'm this way I'll get whatever I want, Like anybody can see that from a mile away, and I think maybe it's because every man you know, any man that doesn't have some type of complex right Most normal men would say they're not worthy of that, you know.
Speaker 1:and so whenever we get that, it's humbling, it's like I don't deserve this love that you're giving me and we feel compelled to reciprocate, to return, to give back the love that you're giving us.
Speaker 3:That's good, he says. A true wife makes a man's life nobler, stronger, grander, turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward. She softens whatever is rude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. Yeah, okay, so faithfulness, that's the first section that he talks about, and then let's see, is there anything else you want to say about faithfulness? Mm-mm, okay, so he does have this whole section on.
Speaker 3:It's a quote, I guess, from a different book, about you know, the men going out to do their work. So he's talking about a woodsman and he's talking about a man who plays music. And, um, the author, the farrier, like all these men that are going out to do these jobs, the lawyer, and saying, like just having the thought of his woman at home and knowing that she is, like, like she has his heart and she's caring for him even as he's away, like makes his ax. The heavy blows. The woodsman's ax swings lighter. The heavy blows on the anvil have more music than fatigue in them. The farmer whistles cheerfully over his plow, the mechanics, like it just talks about how there's more joy and lightness of heart. Is that true? Yeah, like just knowing that you're cared for.
Speaker 1:Definitely yeah. Knowing that you go out from the home, you're having to deal with people, work on all these things, that maybe gets you excited, but a lot of times maybe the mission is exciting, but the mundane day to day and in this case all these jobs are very physical. So you're out there toiling, knowing that you're going to come home and in this case, you know all these jobs are very physical. So you know you're out there toiling knowing that you're going to come home to a wife that loves you, that cares for you, that's taking care of your children and welcome you in is, yeah, obviously very. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Inviting yeah, obviously very inviting. I mean, yeah, that's what every man wants. That's way better than the alternative to be lonely or to come home to the opposite, like the cold-hearted woman or wife that is not faithful in her affection for you and there's no connection or intimacy and you're just going through the motions. It's terrible. Yeah. It's terrible.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I think we've gotten. I think that because so many more women are not at home. Mm-hmm, because so many?
Speaker 3:more women are not at home. There is. There's more of this like, okay, I'm doing this, this, this and this, and then you're doing this, this, this and this to make our home run. And so if I'm doing more, then like I can be bitter or angry and like I mean I can fall into that. I'm home with the kids and I can fall into that. And I think having the I think this has really opened my mind to how, like he talks about powerful and important, and what an influence we are doing at home really does play on you, even through your day to day, because sometimes it can just feel like drudgery, you know, but to know that I mean it's so true If, if I were to be gone and were to come home to like the smell of dinner and my kids running to greet me and my wife with like not being like you're 15 minutes late, you know, but like excited and glad and like welcoming you home, that's so different.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. Yeah, and to come home and to know I think he talks a little bit about this that the affairs of the home have been cared for, have been cared for. Yeah.
Speaker 3:He says, hold on to leave specific affairs to her and know that they are safe Right.
Speaker 1:Once that trust is built, then it definitely makes me want to give you more of what you want to serve you to. It builds reciprocity. You know, it's just a relational thing. Yeah. And just a quick comment. Like for us in our circles, we are around a lot of other families whose the wife is at home. I don't think that's super normal or common anymore. It is definitely common for us in the circles we run in.
Speaker 1:And a lot of those circles don't overlap. But our school, the way it kind of set up, attracts those families. Setup is attracts those families and our church groups that we're in and these families aren't like well off, they're also not struggling, but they we make it work. Right, they generally make it work because, right, they generally make it work, yeah, because we feel like it's important.
Speaker 3:Value that.
Speaker 1:Value that, having mom at home pouring and raising. We're in that stage where we have young kids, so it makes sense, yeah, it makes sense, and yeah, I see it farther away, like in culture, like in you know. It's like the working mom that I know is all around us and a lot of people don't have the choice. Yeah. Or they're not able to make the sacrifice or willing to make the sacrifice, and some just can't for mom to be home and that's sad to me and I do think that it is the best.
Speaker 3:You would say it's valuable.
Speaker 1:Extremely valuable. I think it's very important.
Speaker 3:I think you have to know what is valuable to your family and it's like okay, are you willing to forego this, this and this in order to stay home?
Speaker 1:Or not, you know, but he doesn't say anything like that. What do you mean? What I just said, that's not in the wife's part chapter. He doesn't talk about the wife's duty is to stay at home.
Speaker 3:No, but I think it's just kind of assumed. I think so too, maybe. Yeah, definitely, Because he does talk about being a good housekeeper. So the next part is a wife. A good wife is a good housekeeper. And so Amen, brother.
Speaker 1:Yes, preach, preach, jr.
Speaker 3:He says, even then he's like I know well. I know well how unromantic this remark will appear to those whose dreams of married life are woven of the fantasies of youthful sentiment. But these frail dreams of sentiment will not last long amid the stern realities of life. And then that which will prove one of the rarest elements of happiness and blessing in the household will be housewifely industry and diligence. And so then he goes on to talk about women who set their minds on romantic ideals and neglect the real duties that come close to their hands, in which the true secret of happiness and blessing lies.
Speaker 3:So he says, it may be put down as a positive rule, whether among the rich or the poor, whether in a palace or in a cottage, that the wife who would be happy and make her home happy and permanently beautiful must work with her hands at the housewifely tasks which the days in turn bring to her.
Speaker 3:And he basically goes into saying if you're not, you don't have business outside the house. If things inside your house aren't in order, yeah, so he says. But it should be understood that for every wife, the first duty is the making and keeping of her own home. This was the quote that I the reason that I bought this book. She is to be a worker at home. She must look upon her home as the one spot on earth for which she alone is responsible and which she must cultivate well for God. If she never does anything outside so he's saying, for the father's business is not attending Dorcas societies, whatever that is, and ministry meetings and mother's meetings and temperance conversations, or even teaching a Sunday school class, until she has made her own home all that her wisest thought and best skill can make it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's important to remember the context here. We're talking about home making. Right, when it comes to making the home all that it can be, it's vital for it to be the focus and the primary objective of the wife. To build that, to make it beautiful. Yeah, because the man's not going to do that. Yeah, right, I mean the man's just not. The home needs the motherly, womanly touch. That's what makes a home.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a mama and, yeah, if we're, I think also the culture of like, busy, busy, busy and going, going, going and doing, and the culture of making the kids the center of your world, where you're always going from here to there, then you're never home, no one's ever home. So I think there is something to be said for making a haven out of your home. You know, and he does talk about that, he says so. Anything else you want to say about a good housekeeper? One thing I do really like about this guy. I like a lot of things about the book, but he doesn't go into how-tos like how to do this, how to do that. It's really just the heart. You've said that, but the heart behind being a good housekeeper is that you're what is that Long?
Speaker 1:pause, yeah, what's?
Speaker 3:the heart behind being a good housekeeper is that you're making a home for people to live in, to eat in to, you know come home from a long day.
Speaker 1:you're not just doing a check, checking a list of chores and for it to be pretty, just to be pretty, because it's going to get messed up in 30 minutes, so he quotes something and I wrote beside it Wow, this is a high calling.
Speaker 3:The mission of women on earth to give birth to the mercy of heaven descending on earth. The mission of women permitted to bruise the head of the serpent and sweetly infuse Mm-hmm you were not listening.
Speaker 1:You were not listening, you were not listening. I am listening. He said something about solacing and laying my head on her chest.
Speaker 3:No, that was not in there, that was not in there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and he said something about supple. I was listening. None of that is in what I just read. Yes, it is okay. Um, anyways, it's a high calling to be a wife, all right. So the next portion that he goes over is the good wife is generous and warmhearted, and her heart does so. Him talking about being a good housekeeper and not going outside the home until your affairs are in order inside the home. But then he says you know, being generous and warmhearted, her heart does not grow cold toward those outside who need sympathy. He talks about her hand wiping away the tears when there's sorrow and sickness. She's a tender nurse.
Speaker 1:He talked about that with the husband's part too. He talked about taking care of your wife, being gentle, being affectionate in the home, creating the atmosphere. Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like the same thing good housekeeping. Really, what he's saying is creating the atmosphere, holding the atmosphere and then keeping the affairs of your home as priority number one. But once that is accomplished, then and you're doing that then it's important to be generous like a home is going to be one that doesn't just take but like it gives to the community yeah, that is like he has a whole thing in here.
Speaker 3:That's so good.
Speaker 1:And I do think that the wife, the woman, the mom in the home definitely has a unique role to play in how the home is generous. I mean, the husband's part in being generous is by leading, setting a tone of generosity. But yeah, it's like when you set the stage for a home to be a safe place for the family and it's everyone's well cared for, then you can be generous to others.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and like welcome them into that, that safe place, and allow that to love and overflow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm going to read this paragraph. Okay, do it, I'll listen, I'm listening.
Speaker 3:Okay, a wife's ministry of mercy reaches outside her own doors. Every true home is an influence of blessing in the community. Where it stands, its lights shine out, its songs ring out, its spirit breathes out. The neighbors know whether it is hospitable or inhospitable, warm or cold, inviting or repelling. Some homes bless no lives outside their own circle. Others are perpetually pouring out sweetness and fragrance.
Speaker 3:The ideal Christian home is a far-reaching benediction. It sets its lamp in the windows and while they give no less light and cheer to those within, they pour a little beam upon the gloom without which may brighten some dark path and put a little cheer into the heart of some belated passerby. Its doors stand ever open with a welcome to everyone who comes seeking shelter from the storm or sympathy in sorrow or help in trial. It is a hospice, like those blessed refuges on the Alps, where the weary or the chilled or the fainting are sure to always find refreshment of warmth, of kindly, friendship, of gentle. Ministry of mercy, it's a place where one who is in trouble may go, confident ever of sympathy and comfort. It is a place where the young people love to go because they know they are welcome and because they find inspiration and help there. I like that about the young people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me too. I like the picture he draws of the lamp in the window, bringing light on the inside but casting a little light on the path.
Speaker 3:I also like that picture of the lamp. And, like you said, he says this spirit of the home the wife makes. She is recognized as one of God's angels, scattering blessings as far as her hand can reach. I wrote ha, okay. He said woman was needed in Eden. How much more in this thorny world outside. I like that. Yeah, I did too. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That was that. Yeah, I did too. Yeah, that was good.
Speaker 3:We definitely need. I mean, I've read this chapter. It's so easy to think like, uh, submit, uh, be home, blah, blah, blah, and think that it's a lesser purpose. But I read this and I'm like let's go, as Virginia would say, let's go, you know, tell me more about that. Well, just like we've been saying, like it's important, it's important.
Speaker 3:He's just reminding women and really opening my eyes to the first, for the first time, of the influence that a woman has over her husband, with creating an atmosphere and being a safe place, being a safe place as a person, but also, like he says at the end, basically it all goes back to character, he says. So it all comes back to a question of character. Can she be a good wife only by being a good woman? Okay, sorry, she can be a good wife only by being a good woman. And she could be a good woman in the truest sense by being a Christian woman.
Speaker 3:Because, he says, only in Christ can she find that rich beauty of soul, that gemming and imperiling of the character which shall make her lovely in her husband's sight. And when the bloom of youth is gone, when the brilliance has faded out of her eyes and the roses have fled from her cheeks. Only Christ can teach her how to live as to be blessed and to be a blessing in her married life. And he says you know, in life there will be trials, there will be perplexities, there will be crosses and disappointments. Then none but Christ will be sufficient. Without him the way will be dreary, but with his benediction and presence the flowers that droop today will bloom fresh again tomorrow and the dreams of early love will build themselves up into a palace of peace and joy for the solace, the comfort and the shelter of old age.
Speaker 1:So I like the visual of the shelter of old age. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:So yeah, so he talked about faithfulness, a good housekeeper and then generous and warm-hearted. And okay, this was something I wanted to ask you. Mm-hmm. So he says a true wife gives her husband her full confidence and she hides nothing from him. Did you read this paragraph, mm-hmm? Okay, so she expresses to him every feeling, every hope, every desire, every yearning, every joy or pain. Whew, I know, I read that sentence and I thought like do you?
Speaker 3:really want that? Like isn't that what girlfriends are for? That's a question Like do you really want that Nervous side glance?
Speaker 1:Well, I think so, but it's like when you share that with me, what are you, what are you gonna be wanting?
Speaker 3:I guess right right, because it's harder for you to just listen and not fix it, or like what would he say?
Speaker 1:my husband's part is when I listen, that's the thing. It's like you know, I gotta shelter you. I can't reject you, remember. And it's like when you come to me and you bring me all these things, I'm supposed my husband. The husband's part is to yeah, like that's what he said, that's what he was saying in. The husband's part is to yeah, that's what he said, that's what he was saying in.
Speaker 1:The husband's part is to be there for you to hold you, to shelter you, to receive all that you're bringing and yeah be there with you in it, right, yeah, yeah, may I be there with you in it, right, yeah, yeah, but I'm just saying howie.
Speaker 3:That's a lot Depends on the time cycle, you know. Definitely. How much that would Okay. But then Ovulation phase Okay. Then he says Luteal phase no.
Speaker 3:Okay, so while she is uttering every confidence in his ear, okay she's most careful to speak in no other ear any words concerning the sacred inner life of her home. Are there little frictions or grievances in the wedded life? Has her husband faults which annoy her or cause her pain? Does he fail in this duty or that? Do differences arise? Basically, he's like you should tell no one, but God, I don't think, I I don't. Okay, but I will say this. I will say this One of the best advice, one of the best pieces of advice that I was given when we were engaged, from my mentor. Her name is Leanne. She was basically like you're going to be in circles with other women and they're going to start husband bashing. Don't join in the husband bashing. And I mean she'd be like you'll even be at Bible study, husband bashing.
Speaker 1:But it's not the wife's part.
Speaker 3:No, it's not. But I mean before I was even aware of that, like myself and my own experience, she pinged that in my mind and so then, when I did start to notice it, I was like, oh, this is a thing, this is a thing we do. We just get together and you can bash your husband, you back. You know like you just take turn bashing us husbands wow so yeah, I was just aware you know that's what he's saying?
Speaker 1:No, but I don't think that's what he's saying.
Speaker 3:I am saying don't husband bash, don't wife bash, but also have your safe place of people that you can talk to, like I had a friend message me this week and be like that you can talk to, like I had a friend message me this week, and be like we got in a big fight last night and this is how I feel and this is what I said, and I like me being her safe place and she is one of my safe places, to where I can say I am, I am for you guys, and also I, I. I have felt that way in my marriage too, and it's so lonely, or you know just being able to be with someone.
Speaker 3:Yeah, not that you tell them the nitty gritty, sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think it's the best practice to isolate, right, you know, to get isolated, and I feel like if you follow his advice there, where the woman's not saying anything bad about anything or bringing any of the inner workings of the home out, then, except with God, then I'm just not sure either. You're going to get lonely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're going to be lonely and I'm just not sure that's healthy. Yeah, I think you having friends, girlfriends that are safe is really good and important for you. Same for me. Did you find um? Did you? Did you see the part where he talks about other duties of the wife, like that? Little sentence he gave it like two sentences I know, I was gonna say was he talking when? Was that?
Speaker 3:Oh, oh, oh, should I just read it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, so funny, 1882.
Speaker 3:1882. This is explicit.
Speaker 1:Put an E on that. No, this is more like implicit.
Speaker 3:I know it was a joke, oh Okay. Scarcely a word has been said thus far of a wife's personal relation to her husband and the duties that spring out of that relation. These are manifested, and yet they are so sacred and delicate that it seems hardly fit to speak or write of them. A few of the more important duties belonging to the wife's part may be merely touched upon. Done.
Speaker 1:He's over, that's it. That's all he says.
Speaker 3:A true wife gives her husband her fullest confidence. Yeah. Two.
Speaker 1:I thought that was interesting.
Speaker 3:I know I did too.
Speaker 1:Okay, are we done with the wife's part? I think so. He didn't talk about paying any homage Paying me homage, paying homage to the man I don't remember that part.
Speaker 3:I love how this page 79, the only word that you highlighted was orderly. Yeah, you underlined it twice. Yes, it's supposed to be keeping order, Her bright orderly, happy homemaking will be a perpetual source of joy and peace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, read that. That's good. I didn't just highlight it, I put parentheses around it.
Speaker 3:No, it's just this word orderly. Read that sentence again. Okay, her careful domestic management will become an important element of success in his business life. Her bright, orderly, happy homemaking will be a perpetual source of joy and peace and an incentive to nobler living. Her unwavering fidelity, her tender affectionate, her womanly sympathy and her beauty of soul will make her to him God's angel. Indeed, sheltering, guarding, keeping, guiding and blessing him, that's good. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay so what's next? What's the next chapter? Well, hold on, oh sorry Let me make sure. Long pause.
Speaker 3:Oh, I did want to say that, like, like I said earlier, I I like how he doesn't give how to's and when he's talking about the different ways that women um, it was in the mercy section Okay so, because my friends and I have talked about this before where we're like we've got four kids of our own, or however many kids, and you just feel like your hands are full. So he says, some wives weary already, her hands over, full with the, with the multiplied cares and duties of her household life, may plead that she doesn't have enough strength to spend in sympathy and help for others. He says, but it is truly wonderful how light these added burdens seem when they are taken up in love, um, which I think is like we can handle more than we think we can and like he says at the end, we truly our source is Christ. That's how I, he is my source, I could not do life without him.
Speaker 3:But I was going to say I love how he doesn't say one go take a meal to a friend in need to do this, because so many women have come to my help who already have their hands full in different ways and just like, blessed me out of control. You know, everybody has their own specific gift. It doesn't have to look a certain way to where it's like you have to join the meal train, or you have to join the meal train, or you have to. You know what I'm saying. Okay, so next week is the parents part, which I'm reading right now and really like, and what else nothing.
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